PSA for those with younger Social Media kids (1 Viewer)

[El Floppo]

Heard from a friend who's 8th grader boy was victim of a catfish/blackmail scam.

He had a public Instagram account and was friended by a cute girl who was friends with all of his friends and seemed to know about all of them. They developed an online relationship that escalated into sending each other naked pictures.

This is an athletic, school smart kid, with smart and savvy parents who had talked with him about some of the perils of social media including to never share naked pics. 

The "relationship" turned to blackmail, threatening to share the pics with everybody in his IG feed. They had him rustle up cash to buy gift cards and send pics of the codes- no matter how small the amounts. The kid ended up sending roughly 3k worth of cards over time! (Maybe made easier by having divorced parents and getting two cracks at wallets and loose cash). 

The mom told me another friend here in NYC had a similar thing happen to them this year, but with further threats of violence to friends, family and school mixed in. I understand there have been a couple recent suicides in the country related to these. So this is a "thing", likely not new but first I'm hearing first hand about it.

Talk to your kids. We told ours exactly what happened here, and made sure to tell them there's nothing they will do that will make us ashamed of them, and to not hide anything like this (easier said than done for young minds and hearts made younger by lack of social development time from COVID isolation). Also that anything they say or do online is public and to think about whether they'd do or say those things face to face.

How do you guys handle social media with your kids?

Any thoughts for how to keep them safe with this type of situation? Wwyd?

Any other scams happening we should know about?

 

[GroveDiesel]

Have his parents reported it to the police? The awful thing isn’t just the stolen money, it’s that there’s a decent chance his photos are being shopped around as well. Buncha scumbags.

 

[El Floppo]

Have his parents reported it to the police? The awful thing isn’t just the stolen money, it’s that there’s a decent chance his photos are being shopped around as well. Buncha scumbags.

She was telling me the story when our younger kids came up on us...so I didn't get the rest of it.

My wife says once nude pics are involved, it's child pornography which becomes federal...no idea if that's true.

 

[jb1020]

We got a 12 year old kid and we still don't let him have any social media.  I had always thought 12 or 13 would be the year we let him, but its still a firm no.  

 

[El Floppo]

We got a 12 year old kid and we still don't let him have any social media.  I had always thought 12 or 13 would be the year we let him, but its still a firm no.  

Does he have a phone?

I wonder if scammers are using messaging apps too...

 

[ChiefD]

16 year old - has snap chat and that's it. We resisted for a LOOOOOOOONNNNGGG time, but kids don't communicate by text. All through snaps. So it's opened up his social life quite a bit. And we ALWAYS talk about the dangers of social media.

14 - just got on snap chat in the last 3 months or so. Same reasons as above. 

11 year old - no phone yet. We usually wait til they are 13, but she may get one for her 12th birthday in July since she will be riding the bus some this year going to middle school. She's a younger and smaller middle school kid so I think we want her to have a way to communicate with us. She will not be having snapchat for awhile.

We are constantly talking to these kids about this.Oh, and the fentanyl crisis. THAT's the one that scares me the most.

 

[belljr]

my daughter only has social media mostly twitter for college recruiting - other than that she never uses it

 

[El Floppo]

16 year old - has snap chat and that's it. We resisted for a LOOOOOOOONNNNGGG time, but kids don't communicate by text. All through snaps. So it's opened up his social life quite a bit. And we ALWAYS talk about the dangers of social media.

14 - just got on snap chat in the last 3 months or so. Same reasons as above. 

11 year old - no phone yet. We usually wait til they are 13, but she may get one for her 12th birthday in July since she will be riding the bus some this year going to middle school. She's a younger and smaller middle school kid so I think we want her to have a way to communicate with us. She will not be having snapchat for awhile.

We are constantly talking to these kids about this.Oh, and the fentanyl crisis. THAT's the one that scares me the most.

our 14yo is primarily on snapchat... has had instances with his friends where they've screen-shotted stuff (not his) and shared it- so not so temporary. He has an IG account and scans IG pretty regularly, but most of his friends who have accounts never post anything, so for now fairly safe. His mom curates most of what he posts (generally his music or theater related).

our elementary school friends have given their kids watches that have messaging ability... better than nothing or a phone for that age.

 

[jb1020]

Does he have a phone?

I wonder if scammers are using messaging apps too...

He's got a phone.  Best I can tell he's never engaged with anyone he doesn't know.  

 

[stbugs]

She was telling me the story when our younger kids came up on us...so I didn't get the rest of it.

My wife says once nude pics are involved, it's child pornography which becomes federal...no idea if that's true.

Wait, was he catfished by someone who wasn’t an 8th grader or by an 8th grader? If it’s not an 8th grade girl then yeah, the blackmailer is being really dumb because that is a much bigger charge.

 

[El Floppo]

Wait, was he catfished by someone who wasn’t an 8th grader or by an 8th grader? If it’s not an 8th grade girl then yeah, the blackmailer is being really dumb because that is a much bigger charge.

I made the assumption with the mom that this is being doing by adults to scam money... not by other kids.

 

[stbugs]

I made the assumption with the mom that this is being doing by adults to scam money... not by other kids.

That’s a very risky scam. It’s one thing to steal money as a crime but you are adding a big old whopper of a crime on top.

 

[El Floppo]

He's got a phone.  Best I can tell he's never engaged with anyone he doesn't know.  

the bolded is the part we have to trust our kids with or become hyper-vigilant helicopter parent/cops over their phones, pads and computers. the mom I was talking with is much like us and has kids very much like mine... kids you'd think you could trust to make smart/right decisions in various situations. I think we all assume our kids won't be the one falling for this stuff- but here's a case where they did. and for whatever reason (I don't know the older kid/victim much at all) the kid didn't feel safe going to his parents right away.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

My kid is fairly street smart. She got scammed in some game, Roblox?  When she was little. It taught her a lesson that people will f you over if you let them. We were  also very up front about the perils of the online universe from the beginning. She was last to get a phone and last to get most social apps. I’m friends with her and a lot of her friends online. We’ve also managed to create a great relationship, where she tells us everything. Tht I know of.   She’ll be 16 this summer. 

 

[El Floppo]

That’s a very risky scam. It’s one thing to steal money as a crime but you are adding a big old whopper of a crime on top.

I googled IG teen blackmail and there are a lot of recent stories...

https://www.fox29.com/news/local-authorities-warn-social-media-scam-that-attempts-to-blackmail-teen-boys-men

https://www.kansascity.com/news/nation-world/national/article259937105.html (this one is about a suicide) :(

 

[GroveDiesel]

That’s a very risky scam. It’s one thing to steal money as a crime but you are adding a big old whopper of a crime on top.

I imagine the people doing this are not in countries where they are likely to be tracked down and punished for this.

 

[fruity pebbles]

Almost the exact same thing happened to 15 year old son of a coworker of mine. 

 

[nirad3]

I have some concerns/worries about our 11-year old.  She uses TikTok quite a bit, and while we do keep tabs on her (my wife has access to her account via her phone and watches everything), we can't be mindful of every little thing she does.  Apparently some "boy" asked her if she "did pics" (assume that meant body pics?) and she just blocked him.  So we are happy that she is being careful.  According to my wife, anytime someone asks her if she's single, she says no and just blocks them since their intentions are obviously directed a certain way.

Oh, and she had Snapchat for a bit but we pulled that off her phone.  

And she does have Facebook Messenger, mostly for communicating with school friends (and me!).

She already wants an upgraded phone that's actually connected to the network (her current phone is a hand-me-down and is just on WiFi).  Will probably wait until next year when she's walking or riding her bike to school (middle school).

I am SOOO not ready for my baby girl to be a teenager.  Cripes. 

 

[stbugs]

I imagine the people doing this are not in countries where they are likely to be tracked down and punished for this.

I have a niece that went through a real rough patch, still is and it was an older lady in Iowa. It wasn’t like this in terms of blackmail but just an online friendship that was extremely inappropriate in terms of giving very bad advice during depression.

I could see out of country but also wouldn’t be surprised with people being in our country. People doing stuff like this aren’t always thinking about consequences.

 

[beer 30]

Read last week about a similar scam that resulted in a suicide, different from the one @El Floppo posted upthread. Terrible stuff and glad both my girls navigated that portion of their lives with minimal drama.

If you have kids beginning their social media journey, as a parent, I'd highly recommend signing up for an account and getting on every platform they utilize. Have them friend you or connect to you and don't take no for an answer. If you can't see what they are posting take the phone. You won't catch everything but it's a method I utilized that helped regulate it. The problem is there are a bajillion apps to communicate now. Without some kind of security software that lets you block or gives you full access to their phone, if they want to send nudes, they're going to send nudes. Good luck fellow parents!

 

[nirad3]

Read last week about a similar scam that resulted in a suicide, different from the one @El Floppo posted upthread. Terrible stuff and glad both my girls navigated that portion of their lives with minimal drama.

If you have kids beginning their social media journey, as a parent, I'd highly recommend signing up for an account and getting on every platform they utilize. Have them friend you or connect to you and don't take no for an answer. If you can't see what they are posting take the phone. You won't catch everything but it's a method I utilized that helped regulate it. The problem is there are a bajillion apps to communicate now. Without some kind of security software that lets you block or gives you full access to their phone, if they want to send nudes, they're going to send nudes. Good luck fellow parents!

Yeah.  My daughter would forget her login to TikTok and would just make another account, making my wife's ability to see what she was posting and messages she was sending/getting impossible.  So we said ONE account and we can take her phone at any time to see what she's doing.  

 

[beer 30]

Yeah.  My daughter would forget her login to TikTok and would just make another account, making my wife's ability to see what she was posting and messages she was sending/getting impossible.  So we said ONE account and we can take her phone at any time to see what she's doing.  

One thing we learned the hard way, when you make a rule, stick with it. If you happen to find another account after making a statement like above then be prepared to act on it. Kids can live their lives without a phone so don't be afraid to take it for a period of time. It's inconvenient but they will live and they need to know you mean business. We had two girls, one who was pretty straight laced, one who I was sure was the devil's spawn. You learn a lot that way.

 

[Jayrod]

My 15 year old son has a phone, but he's not allowed Instagram/TikTok/Snapchat accounts yet and we have full access to view/block everything.  I'm possibly going to allow snapchat soon, but there will be a talk and some not so subtle reminders about no-nudity policy in either direction.  The kid hasn't had a real girlfriend yet and has only been on like 2 supervised dates so far.

My 12 year old daughter does not have a phone yet and will be 30 before she gets one and 35 before she can date.  OK, seriously though she is getting a very limited/locked down phone this summer.

 

[jobarules]

My almost 13 yo has a Tiktok account and Instagram but barely uses the latter. No Snapchat. He hasnt asked. He barely uses his phone though. Only to group text with his friends about MLB the Show. He has ZERO interest in girls right now.

 

[beer 30]

I bailed when Tiktok came around but the kids were pretty much on their own when it made the scene so thankfully didn't need it. Snapchat is of the devil, doesn't save, can indiscriminately send whatever pic with no trail and when someone takes a screen grab, the other person is notified. Something like that. I bailed on that nonsense the minute the girls where out of the house. It was difficult to track anything on Snapchat which is why kids use it so much. Be careful when they ask for an account. Certainly from them but they will also get friend requests from a slew of folks you don't want them being friends with. I hated Snapchat most of all when dealing with this junk.

 

[mr. furley]

our kids use social media (snapchat, instagram, etc.) because that's how all the kids communicate with each other today

they're already isolated enough in that no one around here lets their kids be kids.. i barely see any kids outside. they're all online talking with each other. cutting them off from that feels harsh.

we have access to everything and get alerts/messages constantly. 

that said, kids are smarter than adults so i'm sure they know how to circumnavigate all of it.