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Shtick You Use in Real Life (1 Viewer)

Say that's "your guy" or "your boy" when talking about a team or a movie, even if it's not their guy.

"I hear the Raiders got your guy Jon Gruden"

 
After recapping Game of Thrones episodes with my friends I came up with "Stannis Schtick".  Which is basically liking an unpopular character that nobody else really does. I think variations of this schtick have been mentioned, and it works great with kids.  You can do it with anything, even rides. While the kids are talking about how awesome the roller coasters were, say that you really liked a lame ride.  Which reminds me of some other schtick that I use at Disney.  Constantly be walking around asking and talking real loud about where mr. Toad's Wild Ride is.  And how you can't believe they got rid of mr. Toad's Wild Ride.  It probably wouldn't hurt to ask your kid a few times why goofy can talk but Pluto can't and they're both dogs.

 
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Punxsutawney Phil said:
After recapping Game of Thrones episodes with my friends I came up with "Stannis Schtick".  Which is basically liking an unpopular character that nobody else really does. I think variations of this stick have been mentioned, and it works great with kids.  You can do it with anything, even rides. While the kids are talking about how awesome the roller coasters were, say that you really liked a lame ride.  Which reminds me of some other schtick that I use at Disney.  Constantly be walking around asking and talking real loud about where mr. Toad's Wild Ride is.  And how you can't believe they got rid of mr. Toad's Wild Ride.  It probably wouldn't hurt to ask your kid a few times why goofy can talk but Pluto can't and they're both dogs.
Click to expand...


Yeah, what the hell is Goofy?

 
Punxsutawney Phil said:
After recapping Game of Thrones episodes with my friends I came up with "Stannis Schtick".  Which is basically liking an unpopular character that nobody else really does. I think variations of this stick have been mentioned, and it works great with kids.  You can do it with anything, even rides. While the kids are talking about how awesome the roller coasters were, say that you really liked a lame ride.  Which reminds me of some other schtick that I use at Disney.  Constantly be walking around asking and talking real loud about where mr. Toad's Wild Ride is.  And how you can't believe they got rid of mr. Toad's Wild Ride.  It probably wouldn't hurt to ask your kid a few times why goofy can talk but Pluto can't and they're both dogs.
Click to expand...
Wait, they don't have Mr Toads Wild Ride anymore?  

 
Kanil said:
Oman... I'm going to do the "have you heard the new X" one tonight.

Edited to add:  I'll Rickroll him with it.
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I let him hear the "New Rob Zombie".  He told me there was no way that was new and he must have recorded it when he was young.

 
Grandpa is in town for the week and I've got him calling it Poke-ee-man too.  He picked up on the schtick immediately.  Kid is going to have an aneurism.

 
Good Posting Judge said:
Wife and I are fans of the "that's your boyfriend/girlfriend" game when we're driving. Usually her "boyfriends" are transients.
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:goodposting:  

Played a lot of "your team" with my college friends.  It's the same premise as "that's your boyfriend/girlfriend", but open across gender lines.  The State Fair was our Super Bowl.  

 
When someone is leading off a story/sentence with "you know what sucks?", I answer ... "a hooker for 50 bucks"

 
Punxsutawney Phil said:
Say that's "your guy" or "your boy" when talking about a team or a movie, even if it's not their guy.

"I hear the Raiders got your guy Jon Gruden"
Click to expand...
i do this to a friend of mine who takes everything literally. he gets really upset when i use "your guy" shtick on him. 

it's not that he's tired of the shtick.. he got really really wound up the first time i did it so i've just continued with it over the years when i want to get a rise out of him.

 
New one i am starting at work...

I print out really corny jokes, go to the scanner and scan them to people's email.

Eveyone is asking around who the hell is sending these jokes 

 
Whenever a measurement is mentioned, I add the word "American" to the end:

Wife: What's the temperature for cooking these pizzas?

Me: 425 degrees American.

------

Wife: What's the thermostat set to?

Me: 68 degrees American.

:shrug:  I think it's funny.

 
shuke said:
Brilliant
Click to expand...
I think im gonna start signing them "uniscanner"

I feel like i high level CIA agent walking into the room undetected scanning them out and walking out. Making my rounds in differnt departments and then hearing throughout the day "who is sending these jokes!"

 
I'm adding the following to my email signature... just to see how long it takes for someone from IT Security to call me:

Username: [my real username]
Password: Gumbo4Lunch!

 
Charlie Steiner said:
Whenever a measurement is mentioned, I add the word "American" to the end:

Wife: What's the temperature for cooking these pizzas?

Me: 425 degrees American.

------

Wife: What's the thermostat set to?

Me: 68 degrees American.

:shrug:  I think it's funny.
Click to expand...


Keerock said:
I'm adding the following to my email signature... just to see how long it takes for someone from IT Security to call me:

Username: [my real username]
Password: Gumbo4Lunch!
Click to expand...


:lmao:  to both of these.

 
comfortably numb said:
I think im gonna start signing them "uniscanner"

I feel like i high level CIA agent walking into the room undetected scanning them out and walking out. Making my rounds in differnt departments and then hearing throughout the day "who is sending these jokes!"
Click to expand...
If I worked at your office, I would be upset about this shtick.  
Because I didn't think of it first.  

 
Good Posting Judge said:
I rate women in real life by shouting their score at them.
Click to expand...


Since this can't be used anywhere else on these boards anymore!   

10: Almost flawless and very rare. Could be a top model, top playboy centerfold (nationally amazing, the MENSA of hotness)

9: The hottest girl at the club, The hottest girl at school, etc (more locally amazing)

8: One of the hotter women at the club, one of the hotter girls at school (upper class of hot women)

7: Cute girl at the club, in classes, at work, in apt building. Definitely cute, but not tops locally. 

6: Fairly attractive, no major flaws but maybe minor ones

5: Starting to be unattractive, but certain qualities work in her favor. Nothing major, but minor problems are more common

4: Not attractive. Major flaws start piling up (overweight, blemishes, etc.)

3: One of the uglier girls in school, one of the uglier girls at work (lower class of ugly women)

2: The ugliest girl in school, the ugliest girl at work (couldn't even get into a club)

1: Absolutely disgusting and hard to look at. Young children point and adults look away upon seeing (not one single redeeming quality) 

 

 
offdee said:
Since this can't be used anywhere else on these boards anymore!   

10: Almost flawless and very rare. Could be a top model, top playboy centerfold (nationally amazing, the MENSA of hotness)

9: The hottest girl at the club, The hottest girl at school, etc (more locally amazing)

8: One of the hotter women at the club, one of the hotter girls at school (upper class of hot women)

7: Cute girl at the club, in classes, at work, in apt building. Definitely cute, but not tops locally. 

6: Fairly attractive, no major flaws but maybe minor ones

5: Starting to be unattractive, but certain qualities work in her favor. Nothing major, but minor problems are more common

4: Not attractive. Major flaws start piling up (overweight, blemishes, etc.)

3: One of the uglier girls in school, one of the uglier girls at work (lower class of ugly women)

2: The ugliest girl in school, the ugliest girl at work (couldn't even get into a club)

1: Absolutely disgusting and hard to look at. Young children point and adults look away upon seeing (not one single redeeming quality) 

 
Click to expand...
:reported:

 
Keerock said:
I'm adding the following to my email signature... just to see how long it takes for someone from IT Security to call me:

Username: [my real username]
Password: Gumbo4Lunch!
Click to expand...
I'm shocked... I've had 3 people notice already.  They all 3 responded with a lol/haha.  Nobody from IT Security though, and they have been on several of my emails. :oldunsure:  

 
Keerock said:
I'm shocked... I've had 3 people notice already.  They all 3 responded with a lol/haha.  Nobody from IT Security though, and they have been on several of my emails. :oldunsure:  
Click to expand...
I bet one of them tried to use it and realized it was a joke.

 
offdee said:
Since this can't be used anywhere else on these boards anymore!   

10: Almost flawless and very rare. Could be a top model, top playboy centerfold (nationally amazing, the MENSA of hotness)

9: The hottest girl at the club, The hottest girl at school, etc (more locally amazing)

8: One of the hotter women at the club, one of the hotter girls at school (upper class of hot women)

7: Cute girl at the club, in classes, at work, in apt building. Definitely cute, but not tops locally. 

6: Fairly attractive, no major flaws but maybe minor ones

5: Starting to be unattractive, but certain qualities work in her favor. Nothing major, but minor problems are more common

4: Not attractive. Major flaws start piling up (overweight, blemishes, etc.)

3: One of the uglier girls in school, one of the uglier girls at work (lower class of ugly women)

2: The ugliest girl in school, the ugliest girl at work (couldn't even get into a club)

1: Absolutely disgusting and hard to look at. Young children point and adults look away upon seeing (not one single redeeming quality) 

 
Click to expand...
I never thought your list would end up on the wrong side of history.

Yet here we are.

 
Kanil said:
Grandpa is in town for the week and I've got him calling it Poke-ee-man too.  He picked up on the schtick immediately.  Kid is going to have an aneurism.
Click to expand...
Also remember to tell the grandkid the latest thing you guys learned on "The Google".

 
Disclaimer on all my personal and business emails:

IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the mutt next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.

 
My wife and I both use the "Disneyworld stare."  

Backstory - We bought some stuffed animal at Animal Kingdom while on vacation.  The next day it started falling apart.  So we went to Magic Kingdom, found a similar store and asked to have it exchanged.  They started in that no they couldn't and this and that, whatever.  My wife doesn't say a word, just looks the girl right in the eye and doesn't look away.  5 Seconds go by and the girl talked herself right into exchanging it..

People cannot stand silence sitting in the air.  It's uncomfortable to them.  I like to leave words hanging as well.  

"I'd like to have you exchange this toy."   And the last three or four words just hang there.   

Very effective.  It works to the point that we do it for fun sometimes.  Or on each other.  

 
comfortably numb said:
The funny thing is the 1st one everyone assumes it was a mistake...then the wnd gets sent to the same person and they are wondering what is going on
Click to expand...
You gotta play this one up. 

If everyone but you is asking "who sent these jokes," your cover could be blown. If everyone is receiving these jokes except for you, your cover could be blown too.

Send one to yourself asap and then walk by a bunch of coworkers and ask "who the hell is sending these jokes?" 

 
Don't Toews Me said:
You gotta play this one up. 

If everyone but you is asking "who sent these jokes," your cover could be blown. If everyone is receiving these jokes except for you, your cover could be blown too.

Send one to yourself asap and then walk by a bunch of coworkers and ask "who the hell is sending these jokes?" 
Click to expand...
Yep.

I had 1 girl call me and start reading off the jokes.  I swear i could have won an academy award for my acting on that vision phone.

Im gonna make it a point to tell another coworker near that 1 girl about me getting a joke scan. 

Please free tonadd terribly bad jokes i can use.

I need more material

 
Charlie Steiner said:
Whenever a measurement is mentioned, I add the word "American" to the end:

Wife: What's the temperature for cooking these pizzas?

Me: 425 degrees American.

------

Wife: What's the thermostat set to?

Me: 68 degrees American.

:shrug:  I think it's funny.
Click to expand...
We used to do Money changes as "$100 Native American" when I worked at the Indian Casino.  

"Money change $100" - drag in the $100 bill.

"Money change $100 Native American" - push out a stack of reds.  

Unless it was 5 - $20 bills then it was 

"Money change Jackson Five"

"Money change $100 Native American." 

Or something close to that, I was 20 years ago.  

 
Good Posting Judge said:
I'm going to just assume that everyone makes poot sounds when they walk by their kids and go "Eww, gross."
Click to expand...
Good friend of mine is a middle school teacher.  Says his favorite part of cafeteria duty is patrolling the tables and ripping silent-but-deadly farts.  He calls it “crop dusting the cafeteria”.  

The kids are afraid to say anything because that age is primarily working off the “he who smelt it, dealt it” protocol.  The looks on their faces are really good.

 
I started taking Karate classes with my 11 year old.  Which has been a lot of fun.  But my older daughter (14) thinks I look absolutely ridiculous in my gi.  So I dropped her off at basketball on the way to karate one day and as she got out I say "Wait, I'll walk you to the door."  She almost died.  "Dad....no!" 

I got halfway out of the truck.  I couldn't do it.  It would have been perfect too because I was still a white belt.  And like my younger daughter say "Let's face it dad, everybody is a white belt."  

 
Sabertooth said:
I started taking Karate classes with my 11 year old.  Which has been a lot of fun.  But my older daughter (14) thinks I look absolutely ridiculous in my gi.  So I dropped her off at basketball on the way to karate one day and as she got out I say "Wait, I'll walk you to the door."  She almost died.  "Dad....no!" 

I got halfway out of the truck.  I couldn't do it.  It would have been perfect too because I was still a white belt.  And like my younger daughter say "Let's face it dad, everybody is a white belt."  
Click to expand...
:lmao:

 
Sabertooth said:
I started taking Karate classes with my 11 year old.  Which has been a lot of fun.  But my older daughter (14) thinks I look absolutely ridiculous in my gi.  So I dropped her off at basketball on the way to karate one day and as she got out I say "Wait, I'll walk you to the door."  She almost died.  "Dad....no!" 

I got halfway out of the truck.  I couldn't do it.  It would have been perfect too because I was still a white belt.  And like my younger daughter say "Let's face it dad, everybody is a white belt."  
Click to expand...
Not me, but a friend of mine - he and his wife took turns dropping off their daughter at middle school based on their work schedules or whatever.  One day both the husband and wife dropped her off, daughter gets out of the car, says "I love you dad", and shuts the door.  The wife; "WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?  She never says that to me!"  Husband; "If she doesn't say it, i roll down the window and yell I LOVE YOU HONEY!!! as loud as I can".  :lmao:  

 
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