Shtick You Use in Real Life (1 Viewer)

[AAABatteries]

I started taking Karate classes with my 11 year old.  Which has been a lot of fun.  But my older daughter (14) thinks I look absolutely ridiculous in my gi.  So I dropped her off at basketball on the way to karate one day and as she got out I say "Wait, I'll walk you to the door."  She almost died.  "Dad....no!" 

I got halfway out of the truck.  I couldn't do it.  It would have been perfect too because I was still a white belt.  And like my younger daughter say "Let's face it dad, everybody is a white belt." 

This would be some brilliant schtick.  Just show up at places or run errands in the gi - add a Karate kid headband for full effect. Just act like everything is normal.

 

[Wrigley]

I used to pick my sister up from school with  mariachi blaring through the system. 

Apparently not a favorite of lily white middle school girls 

 

[Good Posting Judge]

I used to pick my sister up from school with  mariachi blaring through the system. 

Apparently not a favorite of lily white middle school girls 

Rules.

 

[Sabertooth]

This would be some brilliant schtick.  Just show up at places or run errands in the gi - add a Karate kid headband for full effect. Just act like everything is normal.

 The white belt is pretty crucial too.  

 

[Sabertooth]

We are hosting about 20 people for an annual poker game this weekend.  I might have to wear the Gi.  That's some pretty good schtick.  That''s Michael Scott level schtick.  

 

[IMAX 3D]

I work onsite at one of our production plants quite a bit.  Don’t have an official office but have been using a vacant one 

my wife was going to throw away this chicken decoration but I decided pin it to the wall

ill be getting booted from the office soon for a new employee but I plan to act like I have no idea about the chicken if I get questioned about it

 

[mphtrilogy]

Similar to the Hay one, but passing a Cemetery while driving in a car in a pretty excited voice

"people are dying to get in there"...

gets 'em every time..

 

[AAABatteries]

We are hosting about 20 people for an annual poker game this weekend.  I might have to wear the Gi.  That's some pretty good schtick.  That''s Michael Scott level schtick. 

Tell everyone your poker nickname is

POKER NINJA

make a name tag for yourself.  Rub your hands together like Mr. Myagi before picking up your cards each time. 

"You want to karate chop the pot?"

 

[NotSmart]

Similar to the Hay one, but passing a Cemetery while driving in a car in a pretty excited voice

"people are dying to get in there"...

gets 'em every time..

My dad always used to say "that's where the dead people live".

 

[Good Posting Judge]

Lately I've been asking my wife to hold my keys as we're walking  somewhere, and then 30 seconds later, I ask for them back. No explanation, of course. 

 

[IMAX 3D]

I’ve been trying to convince my wife she’s going grey “down there”. She’s not and she doesn’t think it’s funny

 

[Angry Beavers]

In a new FF league this year.  It is a neighborhood league mostly of guys a few blocks over so I know like 2 people. I have been thinking of what shtick I can run on this league. All suggestions welcome.

 

[AAABatteries]

In a new FF league this year.  It is a neighborhood league mostly of guys a few blocks over so I know like 2 people. I have been thinking of what shtick I can run on this league. All suggestions welcome.

Gates 1.8 - SOD

 

[NotSmart]

In a new FF league this year.  It is a neighborhood league mostly of guys a few blocks over so I know like 2 people. I have been thinking of what shtick I can run on this league. All suggestions welcome.

Paying with coupons is always a thoughtful touch.

 

[Angry Beavers]

Gates 1.8 - SOD

Spotlighting guys done for the year already or recently retired ... i like it

 

[Good Posting Judge]

In a new FF league this year.  It is a neighborhood league mostly of guys a few blocks over so I know like 2 people. I have been thinking of what shtick I can run on this league. All suggestions welcome.

If you can manage it, try to show up at the draft with like five different laptops.

 

[NotSmart]

Also, pass in the first round.

Maybe the second round as well.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

Also, pass in the first round.

Maybe the second round as well.

This is high-level stuff.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

Play this every time you make a pick.

 

[IMAX 3D]

 If you can find one bring a 2017 magazine to the draft

 

[Jaysus]

Wear a kilt to the draft, constantly refer to the sport at American Football.

 

[mr. furley]

Lately I've been asking my wife to hold my keys as we're walking  somewhere, and then 30 seconds later, I ask for them back. No explanation, of course. 

stealing this

my wife might shank me in the neck, though

 

[Good Posting Judge]

stealing this

my wife might shank me in the neck, though

I really encourage everyone to do this.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

I really encourage everyone to do this.

Both handing your wife #### unnecessarily and shanking furley in the neck.

 

[Otis]

I brag about my low social security number. 

 

[Otis]

Also, pass in the first round.

Maybe the second round as well.

Not shtick.  

 

[Osaurus]

I brag about my low social security number. 

Tanner alias?

 

[comfortably numb]

In a new FF league this year.  It is a neighborhood league mostly of guys a few blocks over so I know like 2 people. I have been thinking of what shtick I can run on this league. All suggestions welcome.

Refer to the players you draft by stating the college they attended. 

Refer to the players you draft by their appearnce.

The black guy with the dreads

The mexican kicker guy

The white WR

 

[ChiefD]

In a new FF league this year.  It is a neighborhood league mostly of guys a few blocks over so I know like 2 people. I have been thinking of what shtick I can run on this league. All suggestions welcome.

You gotta say:

”Can’t believe that guy is still available. Great pick.”

Three or four times per round. Starting with round one.

Another one that’s good about round 3:

”Too bad about his hamstring pull.”

 

[Zegras11]

You gotta say:

”Can’t believe that guy is still available. Great pick.”

Three or four times per round. Starting with round one.

Another one that’s good about round 3:

”Too bad about his hamstring pull.”

I actually use this one a lot and time it when the room is silent for a sec after a pick.... "he sucks."

 

[Good Posting Judge]

I actually use this one a lot and time it when the room is silent for a sec after a pick.... "he sucks."

"Not on my list."

 

[D-Day]

In a new FF league this year.  It is a neighborhood league mostly of guys a few blocks over so I know like 2 people. I have been thinking of what shtick I can run on this league. All suggestions welcome.

Announce your pick, then follow up with a little known fact.

Drew Brees, QB, Saints.  Little known fact, during the off-season, Drew is the starting center for the Harlem Globetrotters.

Saquon Barkley, RB, Giants.  Little known fact, the word Saquon is Mandarin for “squirrel with no tail”

Aaron Rodgers, QB, Packers. LKF, lactose intolerant.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

 If you can find one bring a 2017 magazine to the draft

Perfect for that guy who needs to borrow a pencil.

 

[gianmarco]

To become an instant hit at the draft, follow up every draft pick selection with "Dilly dilly!" and raise your beer.

Randomly yell out "Pit of misery!" for other picks.

 

[ChiefD]

Every time your pick comes up, hold off as long as possible. If you are on a clock, wait until 5 seconds are left. This is even better the later parts of the draft. 

 

[Good Posting Judge]

Bring some sort of earpiece that you consult for every pick. Refer to imaginary person as "sweet cheeks" during pick discussions.

 

[Bruce Dickinson]

Bring some sort of earpiece that you consult for every pick. Refer to imaginary person as "sweet cheeks" during pick discussions.

I was going to suggest tracking down one of those old football helmet land line phones like teams have on the table at the NFL Draft, and act as if your war room is calling in picks.  But your idea will be easier to execute, and nicknames like “Sweet Cheeks” elevate the shtick nicely.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

I was going to suggest tracking down one of those old football helmet land line phones like teams have on the table at the NFL Draft, and act as if your war room is calling in picks.  But your idea will be easier to execute, and nicknames like “Sweet Cheeks” elevate the shtick nicely.

If the earpiece gets stale, you can let the  "earpiece guy" know that you're interview is coming up. At that point, pretend like you're calling in to a TV show. Make sure to emphasize how much easier it is than you thought.

 

[Bruce Dickinson]

If the earpiece gets stale, you can let the  "earpiece guy" know that you're interview is coming up. At that point, pretend like you're calling in to a TV show. Make sure to emphasize how much easier it is than you thought.

Oh ####.  I might volunteer to FaceTime people who want to be interviewed by the "press" during draft night.  

 

[Good Posting Judge]

Oh ####.  I might volunteer to FaceTime people who want to be interviewed by the "press" during draft night.  

I really would much rather do that than actually be in a fantasy football league (sorry Joe and Otiks).

 

[Bruce Dickinson]

I really would much rather do that than actually be in a fantasy football league (sorry Joe and Otiks).

I've already texted a few brick-and-mortar friends in other cities pitching the idea of calling in to their draft night to interview them.  Will report back.  

 

[ChiefD]

I've already texted a few brick-and-mortar friends in other cities pitching the idea of calling in to their draft night to interview them.  Will report back.  

This is fantastic.

 

[Angry Beavers]

Thanks for the suggestions. I think i may actually may have an old land line somewhere. I also got the number 1 pick... i may not get invited back!!

 

[ProstheticRGK]

I've already texted a few brick-and-mortar friends in other cities pitching the idea of calling in to their draft night to interview them.  Will report back.  

First off, how are you?

 

[mr fancypants]

Refer to the players you draft by stating the college they attended. 

I like this one with adding in his collegiate scouting report as well.

 

[Bruce Dickinson]

Thanks for the suggestions. I think i may actually may have an old land line somewhere. I also got the number 1 pick... i may not get invited back!!

Offer to trade down for non-draft commodities, like beer, pizza, or frozen concentrated orange juice.  

 

[ChiefD]

I also got the number 1 pick

Oh man. If there is no pick clock you need to drag this out at least 30-40 minutes. You need to post here the whole time while everyone is yelling at you.

 

[belljr]

I like this one with adding in his collegiate scouting report as well.

I did this one year as well as playing college fight songs prior to the pick

 

[NotSmart]

I think i may actually may have an old land line somewhere.

(Somewhere in the mid first round, you answer the phone)

What?  ACL?  Was it a complete tear?  Seriously?  No ####!  Alright, thanks man, I owe you one - I was just about to draft him.

 

[Wrigley]

In a new FF league this year.  It is a neighborhood league mostly of guys a few blocks over so I know like 2 people. I have been thinking of what shtick I can run on this league. All suggestions welcome.

I once brought a magazine that was 2 years old, I’d torn the cover off so owners couldn’t tell the year

once we got into the middle rounds owners started picking it up for reference 

one owner actually drafted Fred Lane, even though he’d died earlier that year(damn that was in 2000)