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Sleeping separately from your spouse/SO (1 Viewer)

Do you usually sleep in the same bed with your spouse/SO?

  • Yes - we always sleep together

    Votes: 113 64.2%

  • No - we sleep in separate rooms/beds

    Votes: 40 22.7%

  • Null - I don't have spouse/SO or we only sometimes sleep together

    Votes: 23 13.1%
  • Total voters
    176
Keerock

Keerock

Footballguy
Tangent from the bedtime TV thread.

Married 36 years here and have never slept separately from my wife (except business trips, etc). When at home, we've always slept in the same bed. Seems a little dysfunctional to sleep in separate rooms/beds.

Then there was last week when I got COVID. Slept in a separate room LIKE A BABY! Maybe it was the virus, but I did sleep great. Now that we're both "healthy", back to sleeping together. But I have to admit that was some restful sleep.
 
Given that in the winter my wife's feet hover around absolute zero I sometimes wish so, but have always been in the same bed.
 
I asked for my own bedroom, was told no.....

I've seen this all kinds of ways. Some of the happiest couples I know have slept in separate bedrooms for years. Basically only sleep, they usually even cuddle or whatnot first then go their separate ways, and their reasoning is for better sleep. Makes sense to me especially depending on sleep habits and work hours.
 
Sleep together, but I often wake up around 3 am and go into our guest room. My wife likes it 3-4 degrees warmer than me. Guest room is colder and I have a fan in there. plus I snore and often don't want to put my CPAP back on.

I'm not surprised people sleep apart. Middle ages it was a sign of wealth. These days I could see it for different sleep schedules, snoring, etc. So this is a question I can't judge anyone's answer. Whatever works best.
 
Slept apart from my wife during the rocky last five years but that was the marriage disintegrating. Made a new friend a year or so after divorce and we spent the night in a shared bed a few times but eventually it started to become fooling around and then sleeping in a different room as we both sleep better on our own. Now, since we only live 10 minutes apart I just drive home and sleep in my own bed in my own house and we both get some good rest.

I snore, she tosses and turns, btw
 
Sleep separately, she gets the bed I get the basement couch

we just aren’t sleep compatible, especially in a queen bed (I snore and even with a CPAP it makes noise), or she gets hot or whatever and wakes me up and I get pissed and move to the couch anyway

We can usually manage to share a bed on vacation, especially if it’s a king, but other than that it’s separate for us
 
Voted yes and 98% of the time it’s true. However, her being in nursing school adds odd hours for her. So sometimes I’ll take up the couch or spare room when she needs to got to bed extra early and I don’t want to disturb her later on.
 
I hear more and more couples, even happy ones, sleeping apart. I’ve even heard a term for for it: sleep divorce.

We do it sometimes because my wife isn’t impressed with my Darth Vader impression coming from my CPAP machine.
 
Sleep together. I’m always hot. She’s always cold together. Works out well.

Nekkid only. She puts on flannel pajama pants and she’s on her own.
 
Married 38 years. Voted No because of the limited options given but Yes and No would be a more accurate answer.

Differing sleep schedules, snoring, getting up in the middle of the night, window, temperature and lights compromises are all factors. It's nice to have the open kids room as an option. Things work out because we love each other.
 
Fwiw, as an architect who specializes in private homes, I don't think I've ever designed his and hers bedrooms. Sitting room/offices, Baths and dressing rooms, always... But never bedrooms.
 
Well since I'm in a co-parenting type of situation while still actually living together.... (and since I was the one that mentioned it in the TV thread)... yeah, I sleep in my "office" and the wife-for-now gets the master bedroom. One of the dogs sleeps with her, the other dog sleeps in my son's room but moves to her room at some point in the morning (after I get myself and my kids up).

I basically spend 99% of my time at home in that cramped little office. It's a little depressing, to be quite honest. The kids/wife use the living room wayyy more than me. Really, the only time I watch the bigger TV in the living room is in the mornings for Price is Right or in the afternoons when no one is home I'll flip on NFL Live on ESPN. I am typically laying on my bed in the office watching the TV in there. Allows for random naps, too.
 
El Floppo said:
Fwiw, as an architect who specializes in private homes, I don't think I've ever designed his and hers bedrooms. Sitting room/offices, Baths and dressing rooms, always... But never bedrooms.
Click to expand...

That's interesting as I hear more and more people doing this.

apnews.com

Specialists say there are benefits to couples sleeping separately

Couples who sleep in separate rooms see no lack of intimacy, only quality sleep. Specialists agree there are benefits to sleeping apart.
apnews.com apnews.com
 
My wife and I moved to separate bedrooms when she started using a CPAP and we didn't want to disrupt each other's sleep. It works better for me because she likes sleeping in a freezer and ripping all the sheets off me in the middle of the night. Sleep quality has definitely improved.
 
Keerock said:
Seems a little dysfunctional to sleep in separate rooms/beds.
Click to expand...
Good lord, no. Mr R likes one cover. I have about six. He would die under all that stuff. If one of us doesn't feel well, it doesn't bother the other person. Everyone wins.

Also, we like somewhat different mattresses. He likes a pillow topper on his. I like the feel of sleeping on granite.
 
I sleep with my girlfriend roughly twice a week, but it would be separately if we live together. It just makes sense to me. I want to maximize the quality of my sleep. Related, but does anyone ever fall asleep actually making direct contact with their other person such as when one person is laying on top of the other or is that just something that happens on tv? I have no idea how people sleep that way.
 
With the exception of being sick, or early weeks of new baby when we put the night shift person in a separate room to let the other sleep, always same bed when home.

We also do a LOT of work travel. So 3-5 nights a week are separate but not in the same city lol.
 
NutterButter said:
I sleep with my girlfriend roughly twice a week, but it would be separately if we live together. It just makes sense to me. I want to maximize the quality of my sleep. Related, but does anyone ever fall asleep actually making direct contact with their other person such as when one person is laying on top of the other or is that just something that happens on tv? I have no idea how people sleep that way.
Click to expand...
We fall asleep in the spooning position from time to time
 
Always sleep together unless one of us is really sick. We do use separate blankets because I roll myself up in them like a burrito .
 
Always together but with a king bed. In other words, we are past the point of cuddling/touching but I don't think it has ever crossed either of our minds to sleep separately. A big benefit here is that she likes to fall asleep with the TV on and I prefer it off, but I got used to going to sleep with the TV on due to a college roommate (I roomed with him for all four years) who needed it on and I learned to adjust.
 
Instinctive said:
With the exception of being sick, or early weeks of new baby when we put the night shift person in a separate room to let the other sleep, always same bed when home.

We also do a LOT of work travel. So 3-5 nights a week are separate but not in the same city lol.
Click to expand...
I probably am gone for work travel at least one night every other week. Both of us talk about how that first night apart is honestly pretty nice due to the alone time, unilaterally deciding what's on the TV, etc. That's enough for both of us though. My wife doesn't like sleeping alone and will bring one of the kids into bed with her when I'm gone.
 
Scoresman said:
I'm in the minority here. We sleep separate. Both of us have had the best sleep of our lives since. Doesn't affect sexy time at all.
Click to expand...
Been married 22 years. Started sleeping separate about 2-3 years ago. Great sleep, also doesn't affect sexy time.
 
Keerock said:
Tangent from the bedtime TV thread.

Married 36 years here and have never slept separately from my wife (except business trips, etc). When at home, we've always slept in the same bed. Seems a little dysfunctional to sleep in separate rooms/beds.

Then there was last week when I got COVID. Slept in a separate room LIKE A BABY! Maybe it was the virus, but I did sleep great. Now that we're both "healthy", back to sleeping together. But I have to admit that was some restful sleep.
Click to expand...
We have 2 bedrooms, the Master which we share and a guest bedroom/my office-part time man cave

-We sometimes sleep together and sometimes I pass out in the guest room watching our 2nd TV in there and fall asleep watching TNF, SNF, MNF
I also tend to sleep about 5-6 hours a night tops where my wife can sleep 8-10 unless I wake her up which she hates
I'll wake up at 4 am and go into the guest bedroom and flip on the TV, pull up the NFL stats and look at all my FF teams before everyone else is awake

-We almost always go to bed together, she likes for me to be with her and cuddle until she falls asleep which doesn't take long, sometimes I just go right to sleep with her, other times I will lay awake and just slip out and close the door behind me so she doesn't wake up

At first when this happened it was strange but we've been married now for almost 25 years, some nights she really doesn't like me away from her, other nights she wants to throw me out of bed because I might be tossing and turning or I wake up early and can't fall back asleep

We don't make a big issue out of it and I know when she needs me to be more involved but she also respects that I don't always want to watch what she wants to watch on the main TV and it's OK if we aren't in the same room doing the same things every night, this is where couples IMHO get into big trouble thinking they need to be attached at the hip at all times inside the home.

I didn't read past the OP but I would guess I am not the only one who experiences this and believes they are in a healthy marriage

-No 50/50 option so I just voted NO
46 to 10...WOW!
 
Sleep together, save for those occasions where one is sick. Sleep quality is a bit better alone, but not really enough to make it permanent.

I will say a King bed is a must.
 
We sleep in separate rooms now, probably last 5 years or so. We even bought those separate twinxls that make a king bed to try to stay in the same room

Our issues are,
I need it cold and dark. I don't mind having the TV on but if there is no sleep timer even on mute the light wakes me up. I have mild apnea, she snores on occasion. She likes it warmer and can't do a fan. So I'll try a fan on just me. I have a mask but even then the blue light will wake me up because she forgot to set the timer. On work days I'm out of the house at 545ish. So I go to bed earlier and she'll come in like a bull in a china shop later, does her night time face cleaning routine. Hair, lotion etc. I just hear the sink and crap getting dropped 🤣 throw in my prostate issues and leg nerve issues and we are a hot mess : 😂
 
Sleep together unless one of is traveling. We have a king bed, sleep on opposite sides. We will wake up and she will ask if I remember her smacking me the night before because I was up in her business, snoring like a freight train and wouldn't roll over.

It is funny because she says some nights she doesn't sleep well because of my snoring, but she never sleeps good if I am not in bed with her.
 
NutterButter said:
I sleep with my girlfriend roughly twice a week, but it would be separately if we live together. It just makes sense to me. I want to maximize the quality of my sleep. Related, but does anyone ever fall asleep actually making direct contact with their other person such as when one person is laying on top of the other or is that just something that happens on tv? I have no idea how people sleep that way.
Click to expand...

I used to with one significant other. I could fall asleep with her on my chest, curled up all over me. I was young then, and drunk often. I could fall asleep basically flat on my back and be comfortable with it. We didn’t get married even with youthful bliss like that. Strange. She wound up happy, anyway. I wonder if she sleeps on top of the dude she married.
 
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Keerock said:
Seems a little dysfunctional to sleep in separate rooms/beds.
Click to expand...
This is why we fought against it for years. When we finally decided it was the best COA, it was the best decision.
The catalyst was my CPAP. Snoring bothered her a little but the CPAP really gets her. So far, she’d prefer I didn’t die in my sleep so we sleep in different rooms.
I sleep in our bedroom, bedtime is before 9 every night. I get up by 5, usually before that. She goes to bed around 11, wakes up after 6. She loves to watch TV before she goes to sleep, I’ll do that occasionally but always turn it off before going to sleep.
I never sleep in on the weekends, she will.

It does make vacationing harder, we need a 4 or 5 bedroom place. But we sleep better. And that helps our relationship by not killing each other.
 
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