Sleeping separately from your spouse/SO (1 Viewer)

[The Duff Man]

Married 23 years, living together 28.

Made the move to full time separate sleeping about 4 months ago. Working great, I am in the spare bedroom in the basement. We usually have a few hours together in the evening and then retire to our separate spaces.

Primarily due to my snoring, but we also have different schedules. I am usually up until midnight, then sleep in until 8. She gets to bed 10:30ish and is up earlier. Now neither of us are disturbed.

 

[ChiefD]

You people are weirdos.

 

[TripItUp]

We sleep together most nights, but maybe once every couple of months one of us will use the spare room if we aren't feeling well, too hot/cold etc.

 

[Gatorade]

Married 44 years. Been sleeping separately for the last 30. I used to get up to go to work at 1am and she didn't get up until 6am. Schedules just worked out better, plus she said I snored but I never believed her. It does make sleeping together on vacation much more fun. Besides, she would rather sleep with the cat.

 

[PIK95]

Tangent from the bedtime TV thread.

Married 36 years here and have never slept separately from my wife (except business trips, etc). When at home, we've always slept in the same bed. Seems a little dysfunctional to sleep in separate rooms/beds.

Then there was last week when I got COVID. Slept in a separate room LIKE A BABY! Maybe it was the virus, but I did sleep great. Now that we're both "healthy", back to sleeping together. But I have to admit that was some restful sleep.

We have 2 bedrooms, the Master which we share and a guest bedroom/my office-part time man cave

-We sometimes sleep together and sometimes I pass out in the guest room watching our 2nd TV in there and fall asleep watching TNF, SNF, MNF
I also tend to sleep about 5-6 hours a night tops where my wife can sleep 8-10 unless I wake her up which she hates
I'll wake up at 4 am and go into the guest bedroom and flip on the TV, pull up the NFL stats and look at all my FF teams before everyone else is awake

-We almost always go to bed together, she likes for me to be with her and cuddle until she falls asleep which doesn't take long, sometimes I just go right to sleep with her, other times I will lay awake and just slip out and close the door behind me so she doesn't wake up

At first when this happened it was strange but we've been married now for almost 25 years, some nights she really doesn't like me away from her, other nights she wants to throw me out of bed because I might be tossing and turning or I wake up early and can't fall back asleep

We don't make a big issue out of it and I know when she needs me to be more involved but she also respects that I don't always want to watch what she wants to watch on the main TV and it's OK if we aren't in the same room doing the same things every night, this is where couples IMHO get into big trouble thinking they need to be attached at the hip at all times inside the home.

I didn't read past the OP but I would guess I am not the only one who experiences this and believes they are in a healthy marriage

-No 50/50 option so I just voted NO
46 to 10...WOW!

I thought the bolded was referring to the Bears/Patriots Super Bowl score in 1986.

The fact I remember this detail may be part of the reason why I find myself sleeping alone sometimes.

Tony Eason was so bad.

 

[Kanil]

Is there an option in sleeping in separate houses or city that isn’t called divorce?

We have family friends who are older and both on their third marriage. They live in separate houses on the same block. They met eachother there, fell in love, got married, and just never moved in together.

 

[jwb]

This thread is such a superb example of "whatever works".

When it comes to marriage and relationships, forget what's "normal" or what you "should" do. Whatever works for you and yours is the right answer.

 

[Keerock]

forget what's "normal"

Bite your tongue...

 

[NutterButter]

Is there an option in sleeping in separate houses or city that isn’t called divorce?

Live alone currently but the current trajectory has my girlfriend moving in in a few years. I'm not sure how I'm gonna handle that. 95% of the time, I love living alone. I have more than enough property to build a small guest house so maybe it will come to that.

 

[Grahamburn]

I'm in the minority here. We sleep separate. Both of us have had the best sleep of our lives since. Doesn't affect sexy time at all.

Probably enhances it.

Your place or mine, toots?

Nothing better than the wife coming in to “snuggle” in the morning after getting a great nights’ sleep apart.

100% separate. Watch a show together most nights then go our separate ways. Incredible.

 

[JohnnyU]

Is there an option in sleeping in separate houses or city that isn’t called divorce?

We have family friends who are older and both on their third marriage. They live in separate houses on the same block. They met eachother there, fell in love, got married, and just never moved in together.

What’s the point in that?

 

[JohnnyU]

Is there an option in sleeping in separate houses or city that isn’t called divorce?

Live alone currently but the current trajectory has my girlfriend moving in in a few years. I'm not sure how I'm gonna handle that. 95% of the time, I love living alone. I have more than enough property to build a small guest house so maybe it will come to that.

Why have her move in if you love living alone 95% of the time? Seems like someone has a decision to make.

 

[NutterButter]

Is there an option in sleeping in separate houses or city that isn’t called divorce?

Live alone currently but the current trajectory has my girlfriend moving in in a few years. I'm not sure how I'm gonna handle that. 95% of the time, I love living alone. I have more than enough property to build a small guest house so maybe it will come to that.

Why have her move in if you love living alone 95% of the time? Seems like someone has a decision to make.

I think that's usually the way these things go. Besides an extra 20k+/yr in housing cost savings is always nice. A couple years of that would pay off my man studio.

 

[Brunell4MVP]

You people are weirdos.

The trend of sleeping together didn't even start until the 1950s. And out of necessity in a few time periods before that due to cramped living conditions. And occissionally for other reasons like protection from the elements/nature. Before the 50s it was considering bad hygiene to sleep together. Then in the 50s the early womens movement post WW2 convinced women it was a sign of a failing marriage. So that's like thousands of years of sleeping apart ruined by Gloria Steinham or whoever.

 

[fatness]

You people are weirdos.

The trend of sleeping together didn't even start until the 1950s. And out of necessity in a few time periods before that due to cramped living conditions. And occissionally for other reasons like protection from the elements/nature. Before the 50s it was considering bad hygiene to sleep together. Then in the 50s the early womens movement post WW2 convinced women it was a sign of a failing marriage. So that's like thousands of years of sleeping apart ruined by Gloria Steinham or whoever.

I don't think that time frame is right and I don't think it had anything to do with a women's movement.
https://digitalcommons.kennesaw.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1219&context=amj

"The Industrial Revolution brought an end to the trend and most couples started sleeping together in a bed beginning in the late 1880’s, primarily due to necessity created by cramped living conditions. The current socio-cultural phenomenon of couples not sleeping together is a re-emerging trend that has been brought about by the wealth and available space of modern times (Henderson, 2009)."

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

You people are weirdos.

The trend of sleeping together didn't even start until the 1950s. And out of necessity in a few time periods before that due to cramped living conditions. And occissionally for other reasons like protection from the elements/nature. Before the 50s it was considering bad hygiene to sleep together. Then in the 50s the early womens movement post WW2 convinced women it was a sign of a failing marriage. So that's like thousands of years of sleeping apart ruined by Gloria Steinham or whoever.

I don't think that time frame is right and I don't think it had anything to do with a women's movement.
https://digitalcommons.kennesaw.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1219&context=amj

"The Industrial Revolution brought an end to the trend and most couples started sleeping together in a bed beginning in the late 1880’s, primarily due to necessity created by cramped living conditions. The current socio-cultural phenomenon of couples not sleeping together is a re-emerging trend that has been brought about by the wealth and available space of modern times (Henderson, 2009)."

It didn't. And Gloria Steinem had nothing to do with it.

 

[jwb]

You people are weirdos.

The trend of sleeping together didn't even start until the 1950s. And out of necessity in a few time periods before that due to cramped living conditions. And occissionally for other reasons like protection from the elements/nature. Before the 50s it was considering bad hygiene to sleep together. Then in the 50s the early womens movement post WW2 convinced women it was a sign of a failing marriage. So that's like thousands of years of sleeping apart ruined by Gloria Steinham or whoever.

So Lucy and Ricky had it right all along.

 

[Yankee23Fan]

Together, but separate blankets. Neither of us sleep very well without the other there.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

You people are weirdos.

The trend of sleeping together didn't even start until the 1950s. And out of necessity in a few time periods before that due to cramped living conditions. And occissionally for other reasons like protection from the elements/nature. Before the 50s it was considering bad hygiene to sleep together. Then in the 50s the early womens movement post WW2 convinced women it was a sign of a failing marriage. So that's like thousands of years of sleeping apart ruined by Gloria Steinham or whoever.

So Lucy and Ricky had it right all along.

They obviously had sexytime. Those tiny beds probably didn't help. Maybe they did it in the kitchen.

 

[Kanil]

Is there an option in sleeping in separate houses or city that isn’t called divorce?

We have family friends who are older and both on their third marriage. They live in separate houses on the same block. They met eachother there, fell in love, got married, and just never moved in together.

What’s the point in that?

I think both were happy with the way things were when they were "dating" and just kept it going.

 

[Wildcat]

Only sleep apart when one of us is really sick to where we are disturbing the other person or as to not spread whatever it is we have to the other person.

 

[SkyRattlers]

Very happily married but we sleep separately.

She snores, likes to have the windows open, and wakes up at like 5:30 for work.

I'm a very light sleeper so any snoring/movement/early alarm would result in a lot of lost sleep every night.

 

[hagmania]

We have a King that is made of two Twin XL mattresses, so:

We sleep separately in the same bed frame.

 

[nirad3]

Well since I'm in a co-parenting type of situation while still actually living together.... (and since I was the one that mentioned it in the TV thread)... yeah, I sleep in my "office" and the wife-for-now gets the master bedroom. One of the dogs sleeps with her, the other dog sleeps in my son's room but moves to her room at some point in the morning (after I get myself and my kids up).

I basically spend 99% of my time at home in that cramped little office. It's a little depressing, to be quite honest. The kids/wife use the living room wayyy more than me. Really, the only time I watch the bigger TV in the living room is in the mornings for Price is Right or in the afternoons when no one is home I'll flip on NFL Live on ESPN. I am typically laying on my bed in the office watching the TV in there. Allows for random naps, too.

Oh, and even if I WAS "with" the wife, I don't think sleeping together would be any good for either of us. I snore, for one, and most importantly she doesn't go to bed until 2am or later some nights. I would probably wake up when she comes to bed and wouldn't go back to sleep some nights (I go to sleep around 11).

 

[Da Guru]

I love sleeping with my wife..but to answer do I sleep better alone? Yes.

We have a cal-king bed. It is better since we put an extra blanket on so we each have our own. I am a very light sleeper, my wife flips around all night and wakes me up 3-4 times. Then it takes me 20 minutes to fall back asleep. Or she starts reading on her IPAD and I can`t fall asleep. Since we are empty nesters now if I am having trouble sleeping and tired I will get up in the middle of the night and go into one of my daughters old bedrooms. I mean we have 4 bedrooms and only use one now.

 

[SWC]

We sleep together most nights, but maybe once every couple of months one of us will use the spare room if we aren't feeling well, too hot/cold etc.

we do this when one of us is sick we dont want to get the other sick so it is the polite thing to do take that to the bank brohans