Stat Book Giveaway Part II (1 Viewer)

[skol asylum]

Vikings Team Chef Fired - Poppy Seed Muffins Led to Suspension of RB O. Smith

 

[BigTex]

"Favre closing his restaurant"Brett Favre is closing his very popular "Brett Favre Steakhouses." He will be reopening them soon as "Brett Favre Bakeries"....Specializing in "turnovers."

 

[Davej626]

Miami 2004: No Williams, No Boston, No Wins. Yet Dave Wannastat keeps job?

 

[Davej626]

NFL to expand in Florida by two more teamsNFL: Florida doesn't have enought teams. Opening teams in Orlando and Everglades.

 

[Mik789fl]

ABC'S EXTREME MAKEOVER TO TAKE ON CHARGER'S FRANCHISE Host Ty Pennington says "this will be our toughest yet"

 

[boneyard]

Freak Boating Accident - Noted VBD Author Joe Bryant No Longer Able to "Step Up"!

 

[boneyard]

John Madden (ABC) Schedules Flight to Charlotte for Regular Season's First MNF Game. Will Fly 1st Class ... Next to Mr. T

 

[da_budman]

BROCK LESNAR, after getting cut by the Vikings, throws his cigar into the ring and announces he is now RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

HE ALSO announces he will select a woman "OF ABUNDANT BOOBAGE" to be his vice president

THE MIAMI DOLPHINS defense and the KANSAS CITY CHIEFS offense merge to form a proffesional football team.

the team will be located somewhere between the two cities and be called the MIAMI CITY CHIEFINS

THE SPANOS family voted front office of the year in the NFL - Philip Rivers dies of shock!!! :X

NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue announces that the coin flip will be replaced this year by a 3 minute "mud rasslin" match by each teams cheerleaders. The chearleaders with the most "exposure" wins the flip.

IN A RELATED STORY:

The major TV networks jointly announce that the new "COIN FLIP PROCEDURE" will make it neccessary for them institute a new "JANET JACKSON PROCEDURE" thereby tape delaying the 'COIN FLIP" opcorn

 

[cmap_16]

Bills accept Music city miracle was a lateral.Terrell Owens to get mouth taped prior to games. (ok not funny just desirable)Onterrio Smith fails drug test because he was ready to *think* about retiring.

 

[falconeyed]

Mike Vanderjagt Arrested for Trespassing and Assault; Found Liquored Up in Peyton Manning's Home, Kicking Star Quarterback

 

[ConstruxBoy]

Henry and McGahee, Bills RBs, getting a divorce

Couldn't decide who was the "pitcher" and who was the "catcher"

 

[bfish]

MIA Pro Player Stadium Turf Replaced With Hemp

 

[HomestarRunner]

WR Terrell Owens quietly focusing on job at hand

Philadelphia superstar continues media boycott

 

[dickey moe]

"LaDainian Tomlinson Gets First Pick in Local Fantasy Football League; Picks Priest Holmes"

 

[WhoDat]

It's going to be a White Christmas!

Expectations are great and demands are high for this year's Dallas Cowboys sponsored Junior Chemistry Set, which includes spoons; baggies; twist ties; balloons, measures, flasks and small bunson burner. The Michael Irvin Rocks and Mark Tuneii Speed Ball accessories will be sold separately this year.

 

[HomestarRunner]

ABC Network under scrutiny for 'inappropriate content' during halftime show

Commentator John Madden cites 'wardrobe malfunction'

 

[RenegadeGM]

Rob Johnson's Bandana Fetches $1.99 in E-Bay Auction

Chargers sign Osama bin Laden to Compete for WR job

 

[RenegadeGM]

Seigfreid and Roy Show to be Replaced by the Gramatica Brothers Present

 

[RenegadeGM]

Steve Smith Suspended by Team for Pummeling Team Chef

Smith: "I asked for dressing on the side"

 

[dickey moe]

"Theisman Scores 53 on ESPN-administered IQ Test; Signs New Contract through 2008"

 

[Furps]

Pioli: Patriots Will Use Stud RB Theory in 2005 NFL Draft

 

[RenegadeGM]

Chargers Cut Flutie to Save Cap Room

Use money to buy a clue.

Report: Garcia caught rubbing Ben Gay all over himself

Ex-NFL back "shaken up" but unharmed.

 

[WhoDat]

Runs, Ricky, runs

World famous traveler, Ricky Williams, found dehydrated and near death with what is believed to be one of the worst reported cases of Montezuma’s Revenge.

 

[Furps]

Philly Hires Director David Lynch as Assistant Defensive Coordinator:Eagles Attempt to Befuddle, Confuse and Annoy Opposing Offenses into Submission(I suck at formatting text).

 

[WhoDat]

Missing at Birth?

Holmgren, Reid and C. Stadler

 

[wmdenny]

NFL bows to pressure from National Organization for Women – All NFL players will be required to wear thong underwear during 4th quarter

 

[The Carnage]

D.N.A. test proves Eli Manning and Phillip Rivers swapped at birthArchie Manning demands the NFL have a 'do-over'

 

[Trey]

Mike Tice High On Onterrio Smith

Says he's blowing away the competition in camp!

 

[Nathan R. Jessep]

Shanahan names a definite starting RB to carry the bulk of the running load

 

[Nathan R. Jessep]

Jeff Fisher's Injury Report: 100% Accurate

 

[ianfitzy]

American Idol announces plans to expand to NFL

Reports indicate the Dolphins will be scouting heavily for a WR

 

[ianfitzy]

Brock Lesnar to wrestle Mike Tice on Monday Night Football

 

[amphibianbri]

Lesnar Choke Slams Winslow On Crossing RouteSuper Bowl Half Time Cage Match Lurking

 

[amphibianbri]

Garcia Contacted by Queer Eye for the Straight Guy About Special NFL Show

 

[amphibianbri]

Dolphins and Vikes to Use New Experimental "Paint" on SidelinesWhite, Chalky Substance Will Help backs to go for 5 yards every carry, then hope to be at bottom of pile

 

[skol asylum]

Janikowski Investment Group Set to Buy Raiders - Raiders K in State of Ecstacy

 

[skol asylum]

Raiders Owner Al Davis Launches Jump Suit Line - Set to Replace Jacylin Smith Collection at K-Mart

 

[Dope]

Report: Garcia caught rubbing Ben Gay all over himself

Ex-NFL back "shaken up" but unharmed.

This is the only one that made me LOL so far.

 

[caglassc]

RB Ricky Williams sues grandmother over cookie recipe.

Claims marijuana laced cookies he ate as a child led to his lifelong addiction to the drug and his eventually NFL demise.

 

[Cool Papa Bell]

Vermeil cameos in Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me A River" video

George W. Bush To Be Next NFL Commissioner

Promises to slash alcohol prices and serve it for the duration of every game.

John Kerry Participates In Patriots' Training Camp

Suffers numerous self-induced injuries, then calls it quits after 4 1/2 days and puts in application for head coach.

 

[ianfitzy]

Chargers sign Phillip Rivers

 

[RenegadeGM]

Coffin Discovered in Corner of Giants Stadium

Contents: Kurt Warner's skills.

 

[mad sweeney]

Raiders Owner Al Davis Launches Jump Suit Line - Set to Replace Jacylin Smith Collection at K-Mart

I'm throwing the plagiarism flag!!! Make up your own story, thief!posted on Aug 18 at 7:36 pm

Davis-Adidas Deal Falls Through. Nike Picks Up Contract And Team. Litigation Likely

On Eve Of Announcement, Davis Pulls Out Of Deal And Oakland

San Francisco Chronicler

8/18/04

Oakland, CA- Eccentric Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis was set to announce a new clothing line with Adidas titled The Heisman Collection, when a last minute maneuver delivered the contract to Nike. The collection is reported to combine Davis' love of semi-athletic jumpsuits and his penchant for picking up former Heisman trophy winners, according to an anonymous source in the Raiders organization.

<snip>

 

[duke21]

San Diego Chargers Make the Playoffs...Could Face Eagles in the Super Bowl

 

[nimsowner]

Onterrio Smith consults with Ricky Williams on possible retirement.

 

[Nathan R. Jessep]

Buckhalter chosen as #6 fantasy RB in WCOF draft

 

[rolyaTy]

Kellen Winslow to be Army spokesperson - possible slogan: "Be an army of one: you can be a f#####' soldier too."

In an effort to cut costs, the San Diego Chargers will begin outsourcing 2nd downs.

Reports indicate that "Fridge" Perry is contemplating coming out of retirement to play RB for Miami Dolphins.

Terrell Owens retires from football to pursue a career in ballet.

In an effort to fill the shoes left by Rush Limbaugh, ESPN has signed Richard Simmons to provide color commentary.

In an effort to increase scoring, NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue reportedly considered incorporating a golden snitch and bludgers into regular season games.

Randy Moss and Spiderman never seen at the same time. Coincidence?

Hurricanes Ricky, David and Charlie ravaged the Miami Dolphins this summer.

As expected, President George W. Bush declared the Miami Dolphins a disaster area and urged the immediate evacuation of all fans.

 

[rolyaTy]

McGahee Names Himself Bills Week 1 Starter - Enraged Henry: "Whatchoo Talkin' 'Bout Willis"

:rotflmao:

 

[rolyaTy]

Olympic news: Warren Sapp awarded Gold medal in touchdown dance competition.

Ron Dayne spontaneously combusts - fantasy owners lapse into depression.

To encourage more hispanic viewers, this season John Madden will begin yelling "GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL" after each touchdown.

NFL Players association votes to remove touchdown celebrations.

New in 2004: Referees carry stun guns to apply a "mild corrective shock" to players who commit penalties.

Julius Jones contemplates leaking information that he either wants to start or be traded.

Miami Dolphins consider acquiring the college standout wide reciever, Geoffrey the Giraffe.

Brett Favre admits to having identical twin, Rupert Farve, who has started 12 NFL games.

John Madden admits to hating Ray Lewis.

 

[Bengalsfan]

Ron Dayne (NYG): "Reduced Fat Pop-Tarts saved my career"

Kelloggs seeks advertising contract