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Taking in a child from a troubled home NOV '23 UPDATE: Epilogue (1 Viewer)

MikeIke said:
This was our first weekend with Padme, and it went really well. She got here Friday afternoon with a few boxes of stuff. Friday we had pizza and watched a movie. Saturday we decorated the Christmas tree and watched another movie. Sunday we went to Dave and Busters. A good time was had by all. 

My boys behaved terribly toward each other. Constant bickering and arguing, way more than usual. I think they were somehow trying to impress Padme. After she went back to grandma's on Sunday my wife and I had a big conversation with them about how disappointed we were with how they acted, they need to be on good behavior, etc. 

Today I started painting Padme's bedroom. It's got a magenta accent wall where the closet is, a violet accent wall where the window is, and pink walls on the sides. It will really match the bedding set I bought for her last week.  Hopefully it turns out well. 
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So happy for you all! 

 
Just saw this thread. MikeIke, this is one of the coolest things I have read/heard about in a long time. This kid might not have had a prayer if not for you and your wife. 

I wish you all a lifetime of happiness. I'm sure there will be ups and downs, but I firmly believe that through it all, you'll be glad you did it. I'm proud to call you a friend, GB. 

 
Good on you, MikeIke. I have three nieces who were recently in a very similar situation Padme was. I wasn't able to adopt them, mostly because I live two states away and they didn't want to leave "home" (very understandable).

Luckily, a cousin of theirs stepped up and they're happy now. Still, it's heartbreaking seeing good kids get their lives thrown upside down through no fault of their own except having the misfortune of being born into a bad situation.

 
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Just now saw the thread. This is awesome and I have the lumpy throat. 

Oh and don't forget the hugs, man. Sounds like she needs plenty of hugs for sure. Good on you and your family for making a difference. :thumbup:  

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
Just now saw the thread. This is awesome and I have the lumpy throat. 

Oh and don't forget the hugs, man. Sounds like she needs plenty of hugs for sure. Good on you and your family for making a difference. :thumbup:  
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Dude, WTF?!?  This girl's life has been hard enough.  I'm sure Ike doesn't want to be going door to door for the rest of his life letting his neighbor's know that he hugged a kid either.  Sicko. 

 
Amazing thing you are doing.

It is hard to get over feeling unloved as a child. I could give you advice on what to do, but the best advice I can give is to seek out the help of experts if you think this is how she may feel. 

Find out what you can do to help her deal with this earlier rather than covering it up and having it impact her life later. 

 
So... Things move fast. Padme's grandmother met with the school board today to talk about relocating her to our district. I had to give her our water bill and mortgage bill to prove that we live where we say we do. 

Everything went well, and now the plan is that Padme will come here on Friday and stay for good. She'll start her new school on Monday and, basically, that will be that. She's our daughter in every way except legally. And my wife and I have already floated the idea of adopting her. 

 
MikeIke said:
So... Things move fast. Padme's grandmother met with the school board today to talk about relocating her to our district. I had to give her our water bill and mortgage bill to prove that we live where we say we do. 

Everything went well, and now the plan is that Padme will come here on Friday and stay for good. She'll start her new school on Monday and, basically, that will be that. She's our daughter in every way except legally. And my wife and I have already floated the idea of adopting her. 
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Wow - amazing it moved this quickly!

 
The older I get the more I realize that people rarely act beyond their own self interests.  Its very easy to say that you're going to do something like this but its another thing to actually do it.  Its an inspiration to hear your story of complete selflessness & incredible kindness.

I hope it all goes well for you & your expanded family. 

 
Fat Drunk and Stupid said:
You can move in with my fam, and get a job being Roy Moore’s Jew <insert career here>.
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Hey, beggars can't be choosers!

FYI, never very good at doing chores, but was the family star at heart touching letters, cards, notes and when old enough, toasts to get the family some feels.

NOT Moore's type of feels, mind you. 

 
Koya said:
Btw, as I'm about to be single again (upcoming divorce), any room in the house for a 44 year old adolescent who just needs some love (and a lil Dave & Busters)?

TIA
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You could probably live in my basement, but it's cold and loud down there. And I'd  need a weekly stipend of Scotch, in addition to your monthly rent. 

Plus, you'd have to deal with 13- and 10-year old boys and a 12-year-old girl. I think you'd end up on the losing side. 

Sorry to hear about your troubles, GB. Hang in there. 

 
MikeIke said:
You could probably live in my basement, but it's cold and loud down there. And I'd  need a weekly stipend of Scotch, in addition to your monthly rent. 

Plus, you'd have to deal with 13- and 10-year old boys and a 12-year-old girl. I think you'd end up on the losing side. 

Sorry to hear about your troubles, GB. Hang in there. 
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I think I'll handle the rough world of Dallas chicks as a single middle aged dude, thank you very much! 

And all good - it's literally uplifting to hear what you are doing. :hifive:  

 
Koya said:
I think I'll handle the rough world of Dallas chicks as a single middle aged dude, thank you very much! 

And all good - it's literally uplifting to hear what you are doing. :hifive:  
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I'm sorry to hear you will now be allowed to pursue physical pleasure with as many single females as you can. 

PS: Get a vasectomy, If you haven't already. PM @Arizona Ron for details. 

 
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Sandeman said:
How was Christmas?
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I'm too drunk to put everything into words right now. There was good and bad. Most of the bad comes from her family.

What I will say is that tonight (December 26) at bedtime I asked Padme,  "Did you have a good Christmas?" and her eyes got all big and she replied "It was amazing! Thank you so much!" I just love this kid. 

I'll try and give more details tomorrow. 

 
MikeIke said:
I'm too drunk to put everything into words right now. There was good and bad. Most of the bad comes from her family.

What I will say is that tonight (December 26) at bedtime I asked Padme,  "Did you have a good Christmas?" and her eyes got all big and she replied "It was amazing! Thank you so much!" I just love this kid. 

I'll try and give more details tomorrow. 
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Good luck. It's a wonderful thing you're doing, and sounds like a win-win for everyone. 

 
Now that the holidays are over I can take some time to update the FFA on how things went. 

First, her family: The stepfather was arrested Christmas Eve for participating in a drug ring that supplied meth to prison inmates. This was happening in the grandmother's house where Padme  lived until January 2017, and where her half-sister still lives. 

The mother got out of jail two weeks before Christmas. Christmas Eve, Padme went to see mom at grandma's house 2 doors down from us (not the same grandmother in the paragraph above.) While she was there, Mom went to the bathroom,  injected heroin, and passed out on the floor. Padme came back to our house in tears, understandably. 

So, Christmas Eve was not looking good for Padme but we soldiered on. We set out cookies for Santa and read The Night Before Christmas like we always do on Christmas Eve. Then Padme wanted to do karaoke. She has a karaoke machine, and a disc of Christmas songs for it. So that's what we did. It was fun and silly, and it completely raised her spirits. She went from sullen and quiet to happy and excited within the 45 minutes it took for us to get through the karaoke disc.

Christmas went really well. In the morning we opened presents from us and Santa. I got an Xbox One for the family, and all the kids were excited about that. Then we went to my sister's house for my family's Christmas celebration. 

Padme had never met my family before, but everything went great. My sister has a daughter a few years younger, and they spent a couple hours making Slime together. If you have kids you may know what that means; If you don't, I won't even try to explain because I don't really get it either. Point is, Padme made a new friend and enjoyed meeting my side  of  the family. 

At bedtime Christmas night I asked her if she had a good Christmas. She told me it was amazing and kissed me on the cheek :wub:

The day after Christmas the kids wanted to go to Gamestop because they had gotten gift cards. Between the three of them they had $105. So, at Gamestop all used games are buy 2 get 1 free. The three kids spent over an hour deciding what to get, but in the end they all pooled their money and ended up getting  9 games. Funny thing is, most of the games they picked were Xbox 360, not Xbox One games. I asked why they were getting 360 games and the answer was "because they're cheaper, and we can get more!" Duh, dad. 

Padme is a big fan of Call of Duty, and she's gotten my boys into it now, too. I've even played it with her a couple times. Video games sure have changed since the Mario/Zelda days! I felt like an old man trying to keep up with her. 

New Year's Eve Padme wanted to go to a sleepover party with a friend of hers from before she came to live with us, but my wife and I didn't allow it. She was not happy with us, but I made our own party at my house. We had pizza, sandwiches, cocktail shrimp, chips, candy.... It was a pretty great family party, if I do say so myself. Plus, an old friend from Tennessee had unexpectedly come up to Ohio and when she came to the door Padme was beside herself with joy. So a good New Year's Eve was had by all. The kids didn't go to sleep at all until about 6 AM. 

My wife and I met with the attorney last week about getting custody. Paperwork will be filed this week. Attorney said that the judge may want to meet with the grandparents who have custody now, since they've only had her a year and why are they giving her up? It's an odd situation but shouldn't be difficult to overcome. 

So all in all, Padme is adjusting well. She's very resilient, as shown by the roller coaster of emotions she went through with her mom on Christmas Eve. There have been a few arguments between her and my youngest son, but the way I see it is that that means they're seeing each other more as siblings than as friends, and siblings are expected to fight. So in away, maybe that's a good sign (?)

More than once, my wife or I have asked her if she's happy being with us instead of her grandparents, and she's always given a definitive "Yes" as an answer. 

So... So far, so good! 

 
MikeIke said:
New Year's Eve Padme wanted to go to a sleepover party with a friend of hers from before she came to live with us, but my wife and I didn't allow it. She was not happy with us, but I made our own party at my house. We had pizza, sandwiches, cocktail shrimp, chips, candy.... It was a pretty great family party, if I do say so myself. Plus, an old friend from Tennessee had unexpectedly come up to Ohio and when she came to the door Padme was beside herself with joy. So a good New Year's Eve was had by all. The kids didn't go to sleep at all until about 6 AM. 
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Curious why you didn't allow her to go... are these bad kids?  

 
MikeIke said:
Because we don't know the friends she would be with and we didn't want her to be in a situation where trouble could be had. Plus we wanted to include her in our family New Year's celebration. 
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Did she have any kind of structure like this with her grandparents?  It's cool she adjusted so quickly after you told her no.

 
Ned said:
Did she have any kind of structure like this with her grandparents?  It's cool she adjusted so quickly after you told her no.
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I think she really wants to have a father figure. She sees me treating her the same as I do the boys, and I think she appreciates it (if only subconsciously.) 

 
El Floppo said:
This thread keeps bringing the amazing selflessness.... MrsR has offered to either clean padmas room or teach her how. :wub:
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Hardy har har.  I would if I could.  Parents tell their kids to clean their rooms but without actually showing them what that means.  It's not like there's an instructional video running inside the womb.

 
Mrs. Rannous said:
I know you are just being Mr Grumpy Pants:  but if this is true, did anyone show her how?
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Oh, she knows. One night I was making her bed before bedtime and she stepped in "I can do it, but thank you." 

 
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