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Bad mood, I deleted my post.I hope you guys can understand that someone here had to be skeptical of all this. In retrospect, Vivian has put too much work into this for it to be fictional.Well, yeah. Now it is.
Right there.
I took no offense, Happy. I thought you were chafed at my "...his own pew" joke. Don't feel compelled to delete your "bad mood" posts, man. This is a football forum, not a quilting bee. If I deleted every insensitive remark I made here, I wouldn't be here. It would be too much work.Bad mood, I deleted my post.I hope you guys can understand that someone here had to be skeptical of all this. In retrospect, Vivian has put too much work into this for it to be fictional.Well, yeah. Now it is.
Right there.
I am not surprised however that Vivian has disappeared, thus proving me being skeptical. What is the count now? 30 hours since he has last posted an update in this thread?
Brilliant post. I´ll give it a vibration of 740 nm
Seriouslly, very well written. While blowing out your colon seems like fun 
it´s most likely not going to cure any illness of mine. That being said I DO believe that VD extremelly skillfull writing is going to cure any bad mood I have before I open the thread.Nice to know we understand each other.I am the skeptic around here and the fact that Vivian doesn't show up for 30 hours means he is either out of comedy material or is off the colonblow.I took no offense, Happy. I thought you were chafed at my "...his own pew" joke. Don't feel compelled to delete your "bad mood" posts, man. This is a football forum, not a quilting bee. If I deleted every insensitive remark I made here, I wouldn't be here. It would be too much work.Bad mood, I deleted my post.I hope you guys can understand that someone here had to be skeptical of all this. In retrospect, Vivian has put too much work into this for it to be fictional.Well, yeah. Now it is.
Right there.
I am not surprised however that Vivian has disappeared, thus proving me being skeptical. What is the count now? 30 hours since he has last posted an update in this thread?
Hijack over now...back to Viv's bowels...
Or was away from the comforts of home and computer.
But, in point of fact, I was both away and leaping gleefully off the colonblow train. My apologies to Happy et al, if my having taken the time to post all of this for the FFA's entertainment chafed you in some bizarre way. Why some posters' words need to be taken as an affront to your manhood in some way is a puzzle I'll never quite get. Not that I'm going to spend a ton of time contemplating this.
Or was away from the comforts of home and computer.
But, in point of fact, I was both away and leaping gleefully off the colonblow train. My apologies to Happy et al, if my having taken the time to post all of this for the FFA's entertainment chafed you in some bizarre way. Why some posters' words need to be taken as an affront to your manhood in some way is a puzzle I'll never quite get. Not that I'm going to spend a ton of time contemplating this.
To the point...
Day 4, 8:15 PM
The experiment is at an end. Felled at last by little more than an invitation to dinner at my sister's house. After a handful of days weighing the benefits of solid food versus the amusement potential of another trip to the loo, lasagna won out in the end.
As I said at the outset, this whole business was undertaken on little more than a lark, and if my reverence for the project was not equal to Mr Nasty's, he too has my apologies -- and my respect. I simply don't believe it's in me to cleanse for more than a few days at a time. I'm quite sure in the end that robbed me of any chance to experience whatever cleansing benefits that may have been there to be had. Oh well.
Here's the final report on what 4 days (as opposed to the prescribed 10 or more) will achieve for you:
1) You will crave virtually ANYTHING resembling solid food. A cheeseburger, gum, your own tongue -- anything. By the end, I'd have eaten a turd, had I been able to muster one.
2) You will experience noisy, but ultimately unsatisfying trips to the bathroom.
3) You will not necessarily feel renewed and rejuvenated, but your first cup of coffee thereafter will hit you like a truckload of crack.
4) It's just about worth it simply for the orgasmic experience of that first post-semi-cleansing bite of lasagna.
Lastly, all of you who were rooting for me to make it the Full Ten, either for the benefit of my colon, or for your own edification/amusement...um...look over there! <runs away>
Sad you're dropping this, because you're posts were so damn funny, but good job.
Pun intentional?
Who would ever allow that to happen?Hours...(does quick calculation involving fingers, toes, etc.)...about 93, I think. Math isn't my strong suit.
W/r/t temptation: Commercials didn't really come into play, since I'm not much of a Tv watcher. I do live within eyeshot of a pizza parlor, and they've had more silent curses and obscene gestures than I'm proud to admit directed their way in the last few days. I think perhaps the fact that I didn't take this seriously from the get go left me vulnerable to knowledge I could go ahead and cave any time I wished. That probably enhanced the cravings I fell prey to. In general, there were certainly times I wasn't hungry, but if I let myself think about it (and, weak-minded creature that I am, I all too often did) it REALLY got under my skin virtually all the time. I'd recommend removing as many sources of temptation as possible if you want to make a real go of this.The journey is the destination, my man.So essentially you tortured yourself for 4 days for no benefit. Now there's a testamonial for you.
Cost of a hot water bottle - $9.85Cost for 3 feet of rubber tubing - $4.99Cost for colonic mixture - $10.99Someone blowing out their innards following my advice - priceless
As you've proven over the last several days. Good job, my man! We've all lived vicariously with ya these last few days.. Well, maybe not exactly. But I for one totally enjoyed your trip. Now somebody will have to think up something else, even more revolting and depraved, to do.The journey is the destination, my man.
For one the most entertaining threads in a very long while.
no way....that would be like following Hendrix on stage after he set a guitar on fire. There isn't any way in the world I try to follow up this act with something on my own. Viv just knocked the cover off the ball with this thread. In my 2+ years of goofing off in the FFA, I have yet to stumble upon anything this humorous, captivating or well written.I'm just gonna go down to Albertsons and buy a big jug of Metamucil.Viv, from the bottom of my colon, I thank you for some of the best laughs I've had behind a computer not involving cyber sex.
Newteech,Thanks for the offer (or recommendation), however the last time I completed the program I vowed to never do it again. While the benefits of the cleansing are both important and self-evident, going without food for 10 days is one of the toughest things (mentally) that I have ever done. It is not the hunger that is the hard part...as hunger is quelled by the lemonade. Rather, in the society in which we live, it is too difficult to go through daily life while bypassing the many culinary delights that exist.I have cleansed my body of toxins, mucoid plaque and God knows whatever else was in there....and have done it twice in two years. My wife thinks that I was nuts to do it once and everyone else that I have told also thinks I was crazy (except those that have actually done it). That is enough. I am going to spend the next 30 years allowing my colon to once again become impacted with useless junk before I even consider doing this program again.I would love to entertain everyone with the daily rigors and tribulations of the Master Cleanser journey, but at this time I just cannot do so. Sorry. I am hoping that someone else will give it a try as this post was great reading.
to Viv for a truly entertaining journey!!!
As a matter of fact I did. I was telling my wife about it on the way home from work late last week. She wasn't quite sure what to make of it at first, then I copied and pasted some of VD's exceptional narrative into e-mail and sent it to her. Then she became as hooked as the rest of us. GB having a wife that's as easy to amuse as I am
On another note, does anyone else immediately think about this thread while on the john? I do, and I feel slightly amused yet also disturbed by that. Thanks VD!
I read an article a while ago that described "enema clubs". These were groups of people who rented motel rooms so that they wouldn't stink up their own homes. They always chose new places because they knew they would not be welcome back anywhere that they had used before. :X
Ahem... *cough*... GM... *cough*I will scale that mountain. Just so long as the mountain has nice public bathrooms that get serviced regularly.This strikes me as a different means to the same end. At the dawn of the Exploration Age, some men struck off across the sea, some across the mountains.I'm doing my part. Perhaps some other misguided soul will scale that mountain.Hey guys - What is the difference between what Viv is doing and buying a product called Colonblow?http://store.yahoo.com/colonblow/colonblow3pack.html
wouldn't this be cheaper and easier to do than what Viv is doing for the same net effect?
yeah, well....it's $32.99. I did a cost analysis and found out that for $8.99, I can buy a case of Natural Lite and produce the same results.Plus, I think all this colon cleansing is new age Mumbo Jumbo....even before RatFink's excellent post.And I will be no part of the new age rhetoric. I'm eating a bowl of grape nuts. that's good enough for me.Ahem... *cough*... GM... *cough*I will scale that mountain. Just so long as the mountain has nice public bathrooms that get serviced regularly.This strikes me as a different means to the same end. At the dawn of the Exploration Age, some men struck off across the sea, some across the mountains.I'm doing my part. Perhaps some other misguided soul will scale that mountain.Hey guys - What is the difference between what Viv is doing and buying a product called Colonblow?http://store.yahoo.com/colonblow/colonblow3pack.html
wouldn't this be cheaper and easier to do than what Viv is doing for the same net effect?
:gotoutwhilethegettinwasgood:
Thanks again Mr. Vivian. You da man!
ullsoutcreditcard: response, but I never found it. :(
