“Ralph: [to Alice] I don't care if you've got any confidence, because I have enough confidence in me for the both of us!
Alice Kramden: You've got enough everything in you for the both of us.”
“Ralph: Just remember, you can't put you arms around a memory.
Alice: I can't even put my arms around you.”
“Ralph Kramden: Now, you know I'm not that kind of a man. I'm not the kind that eats and runs.
Alice Kramden: Eats and runs? The way you eat, you're lucky you can walk!”
“Ralph: Yessir, this is the time I'm gonna get my pot of gold.
Alice: Just go for the gold, you've already got the pot.”
“Ralph: You're the type of person that would bend way over to pick up a penny on the sidewalk. I wouldn't.
Alice: You couldn't.”
“Ralph: For the last time, Alice, I'm telling you, I'm going for the $99,000 question.
Alice: For the last time, Ralph, I'll be very happy if you win the 600 bucks.
Ralph: $600? Peanuts, peanuts! What am I gonna do with peanuts?
Alice: Eat 'em, like any other elephant.”
“Alice Kramden: Trixie hasn't had any sleep in three nights. If she doesn't get some rest soon, she's just gonna waste away to nothing.
Ralph Kramden: She didn't have any sleep in three nights? How about me? I haven't slept in three nights! She'll waste away? Don't you care if I waste away?
Alice Kramden: Yes, I care, Ralph! But you wouldn't waste away if you stayed awake for nine years.
Ralph Kramden: How would you like to waste away on the moon?”
“Ralph Kramden: Whatever happened to the sweet unspoiled girl I married before? Whatever happened to that girl, Alice? You remember what you said to me before we got married? 'Ralph, I'd be happy to live in a tent with you.'
Alice Kramden: I'm still willing. I think it'd be an improvement.
Ralph Kramden: Do you wanna go to the moon? Do you wanna go to the moon?
Alice Kramden: That would be an improvement, too.”
“Alice Kramden: Now you listen to me, Ralph. My mother is coming here and you're going to be nice to her.
Ralph Kramden: Be nice to her? That's impossible! We don't get along. We're enemies, natural enemies. Like a boa constrictor and a mongoose. She hates me, Alice!
Alice Kramden: Ralph, Mother doesn't hate you, that's your imagination.
Ralph Kramden: My imagination? I suppose it was my imagination the day we were married and she went around telling that joke about me!
Alice Kramden: What joke?
Ralph Kramden: You remember, you remember the joke she went around tellin' everyone about me!
Alice Kramden: No I don't remember, what joke?
Ralph Kramden: Oh, yes, you do. She ran around the reception tellin' everybody 'I'm not losing a daughter, I'm gaining a ton.'”