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Woke in the middle of the night to find a stranger in my apt (2 Viewers)

Hey again. I got called while I was at school and asked if I wanted to go to a football game. I agreed and I went straight to the Blue Bombers game. Yes the CFL.

Now I hadn't been to a Bombers game in 7 or 8 years, and have only seen a handful of games on t.v. in between, and it was a blast. It was their first time winning two in a row this season. And I wouldn't have wanted to be sitting in any other section, the drunk and rowdy section. Seriously, the mobile beer vendors will not sell beer to anybody sitting in those seats specifically.

Anyway, I admit I'm not a football fan but I really do enjoy watching. I've never really been interested in competitive sports ever since the coaches took the fun out of team games for me by enforcing drills and formations. I just wanted to play a game.

I hope that doesn't get held against me, I mean some of my closest friends are football fanatics if that counts for anything.

As to hiding in the grass it was cut quite short, but there's a flood water dike in front of our apartment that I climbed to the other side of, and just laid down, trying to blend in. I remember the grass felt nice and cool.

I don't want to be rude but I'm not going to be adding Facebook friends. It's too late for me, but I should still protect the identity of my friends. I'm not exactly the most respectable person to be associated with right now. I'd be happy to have you all as friends on this site however.

To the people who feel it necessary to assure everybody of how tough they are, I was gonna say something having to do with steroids and walking hard-ons that can't get it up, but that would be stereotyping and wrong. Obviously not everybody gets affected like Chris Benoit (the Canadian icon of the WWF who killed his wife and children in a roid-rage fueled murder/suicide).

Studs that was an intense story. Series of coincidences like those are unbelievable, but everywhere. Too bad there are so many distractions in our lives that keep them unnoticed.

This post is already too long, and I'm really tired, so I'll take this opportunity to sign off for the night.

:yes: Peace from the Canadian. :thumbup:

Stoner Claus

 
To the people who feel it necessary to assure everybody of how tough they are, I was gonna say something having to do with steroids and walking hard-ons that can't get it up, but that would be stereotyping and wrong.
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lmao: :unsure: :bag:

Thank you, Mike. Glad you enjoyed the Bombers game, and may your grass always be high enough to hide you.

 
Studs & Duds said:
(blows out) this remind of my friend names leon whiskers. leon was a cat. and yes, that is right, I say was. so leon whisker live on teh streets. he have no real home, he have no real family. Just alotta people of the neighborhood that give him love and give him many pets on he head (awww). there was one lady who really like leon and feed him milk every day. Her name was Mrs. Merfs. That's right again, i say was. She whistle every morning and hope that leon make it through the night. Maybe he get into a fight with a group of wild cat that live in teh gutter. maybe he steal a cheese from a rat and teh rat bite him. Or maybe even worse, he get stuck in honey in the garbage and they throw him in that truck and crush him. She could only pray every morning that he is still alive.So mrs merfs say her whistles and like a clock works, here come leon. mrs Merfs smile, she put a bowl nice milk on teh floor and give him pets on he head. he make a purrs noise and mrs merfs probly couldn't be happier. her baby from the street has make it through another night and now he getting he milk. If you are a old lady that is pretty much one of teh best thing in teh world. it is like they need each other and together they is happy.So one day me and huerta is watchin america gladaters and we hear a big commotion down the street. it is mrs merfs and they is takin her away in a ambulance. I walk over to see what I could do. Maybe i could help by takin her snuggie to teh hosptial or somethin, I dont know but i feel bad if I just sit there. So I see a fireman who was there and I ask him. "hey what happened? does you knews what happens to mrs merfs?" and he look at me and make a sad face and says "i sorry, but that lady is dead." wow. we is in shock. She had always lived there as far as i could remember and something like this had never happened before. Huerta take it pretty hard because i guess when he was little mrs merfs gave him mounds one time for hallaweens and that is he favorite. I give huerta a pat on the head and tell him that we should get mounds to celebrate she life. It would be a nice gesture and on top of that we was pretty hungry anyway. So we both had a piece of mounds and had a good laugh and cry about mrs merfs. It was just like a irished wake ecpet instead of beer and whiskies, we have choclate and cockonuts.So a few week go by and there is a lotta hustle and bustles at teh Merf house. They was gonna sell it, so they is fixin it all up. They put a new mailbox on. They trim she grass and plant a flowers. And they paint the house a new color....white. (chills) So again Huerta and me is watchin TV, I think it was like no whammies...yes it was. Huerta was jumpin around all excited because one of them contestants was winning alotta money and kept just JUST missin teh whammies. He was jumping near the window and something catch he eye and he get all quiet. (whispers) "hey studs, did you leave you a stuff animal out on teh grass?" I think for a second and i say no because i think teh last time I use it I put it right away. So i look and it isn't a stuff animal. It is Leon. And he is one of two thing. He is a sleep. Or (blows out) he is dead.Well, if you are a good detective you probly have already figure out that Leon was not asleep. We go over to him and check for he pulse. Nothing is there. Then we notice soemthing that would stay in our head for teh rest of a life. Leon mouth is all white. why is it white? Is it like he spit is dried? Was he tryin to disguise heself to get away from trouble? No. It take us a few hour to figure out but he mouth was white because he eats paint. The people cleaning and painting the Merf house had left a bucket of paint out in teh back where Mrs merfs used to feed Leon. also, that day there was a special train in teh neighborhood that whistle all morning. huerta and i agree that Leon probly hears that train whistle and think mrs merfs is back and wants to give him he morning milk and some pets. The odds of all them things happening at once is atronautical.About a year to teh day later Huerta and I was watchin TV, I think it was jeffersons. And when weezie was cookin something, the pot she uses make a whistle and me and heurta kind of look at each other and smile. I think both of us was thinkin about mrs Merfs and leon and that they is probaly in heaven, with mrs. Merf pettin leon while he drinkin he milk. and maybe leon finally live with her because it is heaven and in heaven cats arent homeless (life is much easier for people and animal). The only thing that would have made that moment when weezie pot whistle better for me and huerta was if we coulda splita Mounds. but life aint perfect. Leon is proof of that.stuqsp and s...hey mike are u related to that guy names steven schiellberg
RIP Leon & Mrs. Merfs
 
i think not only dr. pill but the entire thread should reenact these events* once a year on the anniversary...

maybe stoner clause day (kind of like festivus?) will catch on & become a worldwide holiday...

there are some great universal life lessons to be extracted here, about humanity, the healing power of trust & the potential for serendipity that can come with pot-induced confusion (i have a year to come up with a better characterization of that last one)...

this thread is as awesome as dr. pill & mike schellenberg...

* but please, people... TELL your neighbors beforehand (especially if you live in oklahoma)... a rash of beatings/shootings would not be in the spirit of stoner day...

 
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YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :goodposting: :thumbup: :thumbup:

Thank you, Mike. Glad you enjoyed the Bombers game, and may your grass always be high enough to hide you plentiful enough to spread among all the boys and girls who eagerly await a late-night visit from Stoner Claus.
Fixed it.
 
AhrnCityPahnder said:
PewterFan said:
Mike Schellenberg said:
...Chris Benoit (the Canadian icon of the WWF who killed his wife and children in a roid-rage fueled murder/suicide).
WWE. Benoit worked for the WWE.
He worked for the WWF too.
I can never remember what happened before or after the name change, I didn't follow it very closely. I do remember feelings of patriotism as I watched Benoit waving that gigantic flag. Other than during the Olympics, that was one of the only times I can remember feeling patriotic. Maybe that's why the murder came as such an irony to me.
 
That night I went to a wedding social with $2.50 drinks.

In the end I'm glad that my blunders have been able to bring cheer to so many people.
Good story :ninja: Someone from Winnipeg should explain wedding socials. Strangeness in Canada.
I'm not originally from here, so it was weird to me too. But this guy explains it pretty well: http://ryanschultz.typepad.com/blog/2005/0...ing_social.html

Wedding social??

A local tradition ....
I supply autographed pieces and such for these in the Toronto area on a pretty regular basis. Here they're called Jack N' Jills or stags. The Italian community is really into them and sometimes the tickets are $100-200 a shot. But they can get pretty crazy and they are definitely big-time events.Oh -- Best. Thread. Evar. Read it from start to finish and hope everyone else will, too. Thanks for not shooting him, DP!

 
Sorry for not responding to everything. I've been very busy with school and other pursuits.You have however convinced me to clean my pipe right now. Sadly I lost my good one and so am using an old one, which is really a pain to clean.Sadly I have not had the time to hang out with DrPill yet like a few of you suggested. But it will happen. Nothing like studying and assignments to turn a person into a complete lamer.I hope to post something a little more green inspired and entertaining soon.
 
How did he get in??????????????/
I guess he climbed up the balcony and came in through my screen door, which I left open for air overnight. Won't be doing that again, obviously.So, I called the cops. They'll be sending someone over sooner or later. Sorry, Mike. :(
that his shoes were off indicates that he wasnt hammered and confused, but intentionally scaled the building and removed his shoes so as not to wake you 9likely to rob you, but this is also how Elizabeth Smart was taken. I'd call the cops. He could have been attempting to rape your gf/so as well. Let him explain why he was in your place to the cops (since u have his shoes- keep the weed)
 
If I'd had a bat or something similar I may have attacked him but I didn't even really know why I was awake until I had already run into the guy in my hallway. I'm still glad it went down this way instead. Big lesson learned for me at minimal cost.
'it sounds nice now, but what if he's high/drunk, with a weapon/knife. Best to prepare to react, but diffuse a home invasion as peacefully as possible, Once the door is shut, call the cops.
 
Well, Mike just came and picked up his stuff. He seems like a nice guy, very apologetic. Glad I didn't kill him.
So did he explain why he was there?
I think he came by to pick up the stuff he left the night before.
:lol:Yeah, as suspected, he's friends with some kids in the building and wandered in here by mistake. Apparently I left the door unlocked. :bag:
:lmao: did he take his weed?
 
Someone should PM Keerok and ask him to start a new Is this normal ? thread. Is it normal for someone to bring a flashlight when visiting friends?

I predict that 99.9% of the people here will vote no. The other .1% will be lying.

This is what happened:

He went into your place with the intention to steal something. You caught him in the act. He freaked out and answered all your questions honestly. You contacted him via Facebook informing him that he left his eyeglasses (which aren't cheap) and weed (not cheap either) there. Since he's probably poor he figured it'd be a good idea to pick those items up. I'm sure he liked the idea of getting his shoes back too.

Next time someone breaks in, shoot the perp. And if you miss don't contact him on facebook.
:lmao: I have a mini flshlight on my key ring, for locks, and so as not to disturb people. That he no longer is climbing 3 stories (ie likely not ####ed up) it is very plausible in these cookie cutter condos, that you end up in the wrong place.

 
So who has friend requested him?
So I thought the Facebook friend request idea was so brilliant that I decided to do it. I sent the home intruder, Schellenberg, the link to this thread to. I woke up this morning and saw that I had two messages from him. These are honest to God, 100% true responses from the home intruder:Response 1: Mike Schellenberg September 27 at 6:40pm

Hey. I just saw this. I hadn't been on the computer since the event.

Obviously I wasn't robbing anything, I live across the hall from him. Not to mention that I think theft is a despicable act. I definitely didn't have a flashlight, and I assume that I was using my cell-phone as a light, because I was too drunk to use a light switch, and I'm talking about a vegetative state of drunk.

I'm thinking of posting a response on the forum, but I'm really not sure what to say. I eventually managed to piece together what had happened during the night and was horrified, mainly because I know he has a young kid so feel terrible for the fear that must have caused. I definitely don't blame the guy at all for freaking out, I'd feel better if he had beat the #### out of me.

However, I don't think I've ever had so many people saying I should be dead in the span of a day. I'm not sure what that says about the state of humanity, but I'm POSITIVE that nobody else on the forum has EVER done anything stupid while wasted.

Now I just need to figure out whether more damage has been done to my self esteem or my name.

It's just a comfort to know that so many people immediately expect the worse, and are looking for any excuse to draw blood.

Funny thing is if my pipe hadn't been to clogged to smoke out of, this probably wouldn't have happened. I never drink as much when I've smoked pot, and only alcohol can make somebody be so stupid as to walk into the wrong apartment.

Thanks for letting me know about this. I'm not sure how to react, but I am fairly used to being hated for mistaken intentions.

Response 2: Mike Schellenberg September 28 at 1:00am

At first I was concerned about the forum. But now that I'm high it seems really funny. Not the actual thing of course, but the net discussion.

I've never had people discussing my actions so intently. I guess it's sort of what a celebrity feels like reading a tabloid.
11/10
 
So who has friend requested him?
So I thought the Facebook friend request idea was so brilliant that I decided to do it. I sent the home intruder, Schellenberg, the link to this thread to. I woke up this morning and saw that I had two messages from him. These are honest to God, 100% true responses from the home intruder:
Since those original awesome messages I received from the legendary Schellenberg, I've now received the following three equally as awesome messages from Stoner Claus. Once again, these are 100% real:Mike Schellenberg September 28 at 6:48pm

Lol. Thanks.

Ya I'm over it and it definitely seems like my neighbor's cool.

I read through the rest of the posts later on and they ended up being really funny.

Mike Schellenberg September 30 at 5:41pm

I've tried twice now to register on the forum as Stoner Claus, but it seems the admins are deleting my accounts. I guess they don't like the word stoner. So I'm not sure what I can do to join in the fun.

Mike Schellenberg September 30 at 5:48pm

also the Mike Schellenberg account on there isn't me. So I'm not allowed to join, but somebody else is allowed to join in my name.

:lmao: We clearly need to start a campaign for a Stoner Claus name exemption. Either that or the bogus Schellenberg needs to relinquish the name rights. Preferrably the former.
FREE STONER CLAUS :lol: :bag:
 
Hey stoner claus,

You can have this account if you want it. I thought this had potential for good shtick but if you really want this, it's all yours.

Shoot me an email:

wrongapartmenet@gmail.com (yes, I typo'd the email addy. sue me. at least I know which door is mine.)
It's threads like this that keep me sane after a long day of FF.INSTANT CLASSIC

 
Toke Toke Toke, Merry Chronicas!It's me the real Mike. And now I have to run, but I will be back.Thanks for giving me the account.
Welcome Mike :lmao: Please note that I was in favor of not shooting you.
Let the record reflect that I wasn't for shooting you either. I was, however, for duct taping you and leaving you outside. Welcome aboard.
There is an odd irony that the link here was Richard Jewell.
 
Alrighty. I have a few minutes before heading off to school.First of all I wear Newbalance. Since I definitely didn't have a flashlight, it must have been my cell phone, which I often use for light when I can't see. I know that it's a pretty common thing to do.That night I went to a wedding social with $2.50 drinks. There's nothing worse than cheap drinks that you can rationalize over-consuming as helping out friends with their new life together. I don't remember the trip home, but I remember my friend gave me a ride so that I wouldn't need to sleep in my car, hence the mumbling about my friends. My drunk brain connected how did you get in here with how did you get home I guess. I don't think I realized it wasn't my apartment and had probably used the key in the door without realizing it had been left unlocked, so I guess I connected my key opening a door with the door belonging to my home. I can only assume that I was on my way to the bathroom for a piss when I ran into DrPill. This is the part that I was able to vaguely remember because my first thought was to wonder who was in my apartment, until he started asking me questions and then I realized it was me who was in the wrong apartment. Totally unable to express the thoughts sloshing through my brain and gripped with fear, when he gave up trying to figure out what I was doing and kicked me out, I took off down the stairs and out of the building because I thought he was chasing me. I ran and hid in the grass, laying down and collecting my thoughts. After a while I realized he wasn't chasing me and I was probably safe to go back in, making sure this time to go into the right apartment. Never during this time did I realize that I didn't have my shoes or glasses, or the weed, and went right to bed, where what had happened promptly disappeared from my memory.I woke up to find that my glasses were missing, and panicked a bit, trying to remember why they were gone. I vaguely remembered lying outside in the grass, so I went to put on my shoes and check outside to see if I found them. There were no shoes, and this is when the nagging memory that someone had been yelling at me the night before suddenly made sense and I was able to remember enough to assume it was my neighbors apartment.I decided to check outside for my glasses and shoes first before knocking on his door in shame. He had kindly written on the white board at the building entrance that Mike Schellenberg should call this number to get my stuff back. I wasn't sure how he had my name, but I figured he had recognized me. Anyways I called, and that was when I found out I had also left pot, oops. So I got my stuff back and he was really cool about it, which was a relief, although I still felt like an idiot. Being hung over all day I only went on Facebook the next day, to find a message linking me to this page. And the rest they say is history.And now I need to get ready for school or I'll be late. But I think this I've proven myself.In the end I'm glad that my blunders have been able to bring cheer to so many people.
This is an awesome, epic moment of Real Life and iLife colliding in a great, hilarious way. :thumbup:
Is it to early to call for a Winnepeg Cornhole? :unsure:
 
That night I went to a wedding social with $2.50 drinks.

In the end I'm glad that my blunders have been able to bring cheer to so many people.
Good story :thumbup: Someone from Winnipeg should explain wedding socials. Strangeness in Canada.
I'm not originally from here, so it was weird to me too. But this guy explains it pretty well: http://ryanschultz.typepad.com/blog/2005/0...ing_social.html

Wedding social??

A local tradition that I've been told came originally from Manitoba's large Polish/Ukrainian immigrant community, a social is when the friends and family of a to-be-married couple (or a sports team, or a Ukrainian dance troupe, or a singles group or whatever like-mided group of people) rent a hall (often in a community centre, a curling club, or a church basement) and throw a rave ;-)

O.K., it's not exactly a rave. They rent a social hall for 100-300 people (most Catholic chruch basements/bingo halls or community clubs will accommodate) , where they hire a D.J. to spin CDs or records, get a one-night-only liquor license from the provincial government, and throw a party (or, to be more accurate, a thrown-together one-night-only bar) as a fund-raiser. Around midnight, a bread-and-cold-cuts buffet is put out (food must be served as one of the conditions of the liquor licence).

The really popular socials (usually Filipino, Italian, Ukrainian, and French-Canadian weddings) can sell out quickly... Winnipeg has a large Filipino population (mostly more recent immigrants) and fully 1/4 of the city has a Ukrainian background (mostly from the big immigration boom of the 1910's). Winnipeg is also home to the largest French-Canadian community in Western Canada. And we're also the largest Icelandic community outside of Iceland. Like I said, a real mix of people.

People sell social tickets ahead of time to their coworkers, friends and relatives, and whoever else wants to go out dancing and drinking on a Friday or Saturday night. You can often get a really bizarre/interesting mix of people you know (uncles and cousins and aunts) and complete strangers who heard about the social second- or even third-hand and buy tickets at the door, if there are any left (shhhhh... the government's not supposed to know that you're selling social tickets at the door, that's not allowed... but come back out into the parking lot and we can do business).
Can we steal this like we stole the NHL? What a great tradition. Better than all the southern baby-bridal shower 17 party bs
 
Uh oh... Where'd you wander into this time, you crazy Mike Schellenberg? And how much weed did you leave? Also, did they leave milk and cookies?Just read this thread from start to finish... I was one of the first to chime in with the fact that I'd have done serious harm to you (no offense, if and when you have kids you'll understand -- it's like getting near a bear's cub.) Now you have perhaps, just maybe changed my humanity just a touch, so that if I ever see a hunched over, long haired young man in a red hat, lighting his way in Rudolph-like fashion with the light of a mobile phone, I may lower the gun muzzle, throw my arm around him (you?) and engage in a heart-felt sing-along.Great thread. :thumbdown:
lol. I did wander tonight but didn't end up making any house calls. I hope nobody put out milk and cookies for nothing.Honestly there's way more sinister reasons for being there than legitimate ones. Compared to the bad ones like theft, kidnapping, rape, murder, the only possible legit reason to have been there is intoxication. While somebody just being intoxicated is more likely, there are more negative possibilities to consider.That being said, I can understand the parental instinct, which is why it was more of a concern to me.If I were to ever end up in your house and you did that, it would probably be the best drunk story of my life. However, considering the universe's cruel irony, it would probably be that next time that you'd need to act.
 
Thanks to Evilgrin and others who have reinforced the idea that my excessive living can bring happiness to others. Now I can rationalize away any reasonable argument. :thumbup:

And Hipple, I absolutely love it that you replied to every new development as you read. Your replies give a perfect summary of the progression of people's comments.

I do have pipe cleaners, somewhere, but thanks for the advice. They would have worked better than my backup plan of Q-Tips.

It was an old backup pipe that I grabbed because I couldn't find my usual glass one as I was leaving for the night. Usually I end up breaking the glass pieces, but this one just vanished and I have no clue of where or when it happened.

Now it is time for me to take a regenerative snooze. By now it is probably apparent that I can rarely think of the usual way to say things, sort of like a verbal scenic route.

Oh ya, sleep now, bye. :thumbdown:

 
I was wondering what had transpired that has kept this thread going, so i popped back in and I find stoner claus arrives, studs dazzles and more hilarity ensues. Sweet. You should really update the subtitle of the thread to add a S&D reference.

 
The Big Guy said:
I was wondering what had transpired that has kept this thread going, so i popped back in and I find stoner claus arrives, studs dazzles and more hilarity ensues. Sweet. You should really update the subtitle of the thread to add a S&D reference.
No way... S&D posts are like easter eggs.
 
I was wondering what had transpired that has kept this thread going, so i popped back in and I find stoner claus arrives, studs dazzles and more hilarity ensues. Sweet. You should really update the subtitle of the thread to add a S&D reference.
No way... S&D posts are like easter eggs.
At least refer to stoner claus making an appearance. I avoided this thread for far too long thinking it was goobers arguing like a Pee Wee Herman bit.I say we kill em!

I say we shoot em, then we kill em!

 
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