Caught wife texting another guy and hiding it - what's the play? (1 Viewer)

[Bull Dozier]

After 20 yrs of marriage, im not sure it would bother me if my wife cheated on me. I guess it would depend on whether it was a one time mistake or an ongoing affair. If it was the latter, it would cost me half, but id just divorce her and move on. If it was a one off, i think id just move on

After 30 yrs of marriage, I sometimes wish she would so that I could move on. It sucks to be unhappy at home.

What's stopping you from moving on anyway?

Family, money.. different things. I don't want to go through the financial hit of divorce. She has never worked during our marriage, outside of a few years as a sub-teacher. Stayed home to raise the kids. Kids are grown/gone now so it's just us. We married so so young, but we've been together forever. I will always take care of her financially. It just seems best to stay together (one mortgage payment, etc.) Just not happy.

This sounds like a conversation worthy of its own thread.

Well, it's a long story but I could probably sum it up... no marriage or relationship is perfect. People make mistakes. I will say this, though.. as a 50 year old who has been married for over 30 of those years, I have experienced a lot of things and might have some advice for some younger guys out there.

I mean no disrespect. I've only been married almost half as long as you. But, if you are in what appears to be a very unhappy marriage, what kind of advice do you have? If you had been married as long as you are, been through hell and back, happy to be where you are, we'd be on to something.

 

[Kanil]

After 20 yrs of marriage, im not sure it would bother me if my wife cheated on me. I guess it would depend on whether it was a one time mistake or an ongoing affair. If it was the latter, it would cost me half, but id just divorce her and move on. If it was a one off, i think id just move on

After 30 yrs of marriage, I sometimes wish she would so that I could move on. It sucks to be unhappy at home.

What's stopping you from moving on anyway?

Family, money.. different things. I don't want to go through the financial hit of divorce. She has never worked during our marriage, outside of a few years as a sub-teacher. Stayed home to raise the kids. Kids are grown/gone now so it's just us. We married so so young, but we've been together forever. I will always take care of her financially. It just seems best to stay together (one mortgage payment, etc.) Just not happy.

This sounds like a conversation worthy of its own thread.

Well, it's a long story but I could probably sum it up... no marriage or relationship is perfect. People make mistakes. I will say this, though.. as a 50 year old who has been married for over 30 of those years, I have experienced a lot of things and might have some advice for some younger guys out there.

I mean no disrespect. I've only been married almost half as long as you. But, if you are in what appears to be a very unhappy marriage, what kind of advice do you have? If you had been married as long as you are, been through hell and back, happy to be where you are, we'd be on to something.

If you watched a guy do something stupid that caused him to fall off a cliff and die you would still learn not to do that stupid thing. Same thing here. It may be past the point of salvage for this guy but you can still learn from it.

 

[Jayrok]

After 20 yrs of marriage, im not sure it would bother me if my wife cheated on me. I guess it would depend on whether it was a one time mistake or an ongoing affair. If it was the latter, it would cost me half, but id just divorce her and move on. If it was a one off, i think id just move on

After 30 yrs of marriage, I sometimes wish she would so that I could move on. It sucks to be unhappy at home.

What's stopping you from moving on anyway?

Family, money.. different things. I don't want to go through the financial hit of divorce. She has never worked during our marriage, outside of a few years as a sub-teacher. Stayed home to raise the kids. Kids are grown/gone now so it's just us. We married so so young, but we've been together forever. I will always take care of her financially. It just seems best to stay together (one mortgage payment, etc.) Just not happy.

This sounds like a conversation worthy of its own thread.

Well, it's a long story but I could probably sum it up... no marriage or relationship is perfect. People make mistakes. I will say this, though.. as a 50 year old who has been married for over 30 of those years, I have experienced a lot of things and might have some advice for some younger guys out there.

I mean no disrespect. I've only been married almost half as long as you. But, if you are in what appears to be a very unhappy marriage, what kind of advice do you have? If you had been married as long as you are, been through hell and back, happy to be where you are, we'd be on to something.

Fair enough. But it's a journey. There is a reason for the unhappiness and I'm working on it. It isn't hopeless as I can envision a time when we may be as happy as we once were. I may have misled unintentionally, but I didn't mean to imply that I've been unhappy for 30 years.

I wasn't specific on the advice I might have, so yeah, it depends on what the question is. How to be happy? Who knows? Maybe my advice is more in line with what you shouldn't do. Life is often hard, as is marriage. It takes work. I'm still willing to put in the work. But I haven't shared details so it is difficult for anyone reading to know.

No disrespect or offense taken. And yes, if we do make it back to a loving marriage, I'll sing it from the roof tops.

 

[Jayrok]

After 20 yrs of marriage, im not sure it would bother me if my wife cheated on me. I guess it would depend on whether it was a one time mistake or an ongoing affair. If it was the latter, it would cost me half, but id just divorce her and move on. If it was a one off, i think id just move on

After 30 yrs of marriage, I sometimes wish she would so that I could move on. It sucks to be unhappy at home.

What's stopping you from moving on anyway?

Family, money.. different things. I don't want to go through the financial hit of divorce. She has never worked during our marriage, outside of a few years as a sub-teacher. Stayed home to raise the kids. Kids are grown/gone now so it's just us. We married so so young, but we've been together forever. I will always take care of her financially. It just seems best to stay together (one mortgage payment, etc.) Just not happy.

This sounds like a conversation worthy of its own thread.

Well, it's a long story but I could probably sum it up... no marriage or relationship is perfect. People make mistakes. I will say this, though.. as a 50 year old who has been married for over 30 of those years, I have experienced a lot of things and might have some advice for some younger guys out there.

I mean no disrespect. I've only been married almost half as long as you. But, if you are in what appears to be a very unhappy marriage, what kind of advice do you have? If you had been married as long as you are, been through hell and back, happy to be where you are, we'd be on to something.

If you watched a guy do something stupid that caused him to fall off a cliff and die you would still learn not to do that stupid thing. Same thing here. It may be past the point of salvage for this guy but you can still learn from it.

Thanks, and you're right. Life lessons can certainly be learned from the mistakes of others.

 

[Bull Dozier]

After 20 yrs of marriage, im not sure it would bother me if my wife cheated on me. I guess it would depend on whether it was a one time mistake or an ongoing affair. If it was the latter, it would cost me half, but id just divorce her and move on. If it was a one off, i think id just move on

After 30 yrs of marriage, I sometimes wish she would so that I could move on. It sucks to be unhappy at home.

What's stopping you from moving on anyway?

Family, money.. different things. I don't want to go through the financial hit of divorce. She has never worked during our marriage, outside of a few years as a sub-teacher. Stayed home to raise the kids. Kids are grown/gone now so it's just us. We married so so young, but we've been together forever. I will always take care of her financially. It just seems best to stay together (one mortgage payment, etc.) Just not happy.

This sounds like a conversation worthy of its own thread.

Well, it's a long story but I could probably sum it up... no marriage or relationship is perfect. People make mistakes. I will say this, though.. as a 50 year old who has been married for over 30 of those years, I have experienced a lot of things and might have some advice for some younger guys out there.

I mean no disrespect. I've only been married almost half as long as you. But, if you are in what appears to be a very unhappy marriage, what kind of advice do you have? If you had been married as long as you are, been through hell and back, happy to be where you are, we'd be on to something.

Fair enough. But it's a journey. There is a reason for the unhappiness and I'm working on it. It isn't hopeless as I can envision a time when we may be as happy as we once were. I may have misled unintentionally, but I didn't mean to imply that I've been unhappy for 30 years.

I wasn't specific on the advice I might have, so yeah, it depends on what the question is. How to be happy? Who knows? Maybe my advice is more in line with what you shouldn't do. Life is often hard, as is marriage. It takes work. I'm still willing to put in the work. But I haven't shared details so it is difficult for anyone reading to know.

No disrespect or offense taken. And yes, if we do make it back to a loving marriage, I'll sing it from the roof tops.

Your lack of details probably lead me to assume a lot. My impression was that it wasn't happy, and didn't sound like it had a lot of hope of being happy in the future. Being stuck without hope doesn't make any sense, regardless of outside forces. But, if there is potential to turn it around and be happy again, that's a whole different story.

 

[tommyboy]

My grandpa said the first 50 yrs of marriage were the hardest

 

[eoMMan]

Update(s)?

 

[Rick James]

There are 2, possibly separate, reasons why she deleted the texts

1) sexting

2) complaining about her own marriage, likely putting the original poster is a bad light

What would the original poster prefer if he ends up seeing the texts if there was a choice between the two above scenarios?

And neither divorce worthy IMO.

dude what? sexting is at the very least emotional cheating

Meh, a lot of you guys are too "emotional" IMO. She's likely just goofing off with the guy (or girl) because her husband is a little too uptight. He needs to relax, pay attention to her needs, tune in to her freaky side and be a confident male. He's already starting to reap the benefits of it in the sack.

OP is lucky affairs never start out that way

 

[tonydead]

There are 2, possibly separate, reasons why she deleted the texts

1) sexting

2) complaining about her own marriage, likely putting the original poster is a bad light

What would the original poster prefer if he ends up seeing the texts if there was a choice between the two above scenarios?

And neither divorce worthy IMO.

dude what? sexting is at the very least emotional cheating

Meh, a lot of you guys are too "emotional" IMO. She's likely just goofing off with the guy (or girl) because her husband is a little too uptight. He needs to relax, pay attention to her needs, tune in to her freaky side and be a confident male. He's already starting to reap the benefits of it in the sack.

OP is lucky affairs never start out that way

Horrible logic: Affairs start out with acquaintances yet we don't keep our women isolated from other people.

 

[Cjw_55106]

There are 2, possibly separate, reasons why she deleted the texts

1) sexting

2) complaining about her own marriage, likely putting the original poster is a bad light

What would the original poster prefer if he ends up seeing the texts if there was a choice between the two above scenarios?

And neither divorce worthy IMO.

dude what? sexting is at the very least emotional cheating

Meh, a lot of you guys are too "emotional" IMO. She's likely just goofing off with the guy (or girl) because her husband is a little too uptight. He needs to relax, pay attention to her needs, tune in to her freaky side and be a confident male. He's already starting to reap the benefits of it in the sack.

OP is lucky affairs never start out that way

Horrible logic: Affairs start out with acquaintances yet we don't keep our women isolated from other people.

I wouldnt be happy at all if my wife went to lunch with another guy and "hid" it from me.

 

[tonydead]

There are 2, possibly separate, reasons why she deleted the texts

1) sexting

2) complaining about her own marriage, likely putting the original poster is a bad light

What would the original poster prefer if he ends up seeing the texts if there was a choice between the two above scenarios?

And neither divorce worthy IMO.

dude what? sexting is at the very least emotional cheating

Meh, a lot of you guys are too "emotional" IMO. She's likely just goofing off with the guy (or girl) because her husband is a little too uptight. He needs to relax, pay attention to her needs, tune in to her freaky side and be a confident male. He's already starting to reap the benefits of it in the sack.

OP is lucky affairs never start out that way

Horrible logic: Affairs start out with acquaintances yet we don't keep our women isolated from other people.

I wouldnt be happy at all if my wife went to lunch with another guy and "hid" it from me.

Divorce worthy unhappy?

 

[FUBAR]

There are 2, possibly separate, reasons why she deleted the texts

1) sexting

2) complaining about her own marriage, likely putting the original poster is a bad light

What would the original poster prefer if he ends up seeing the texts if there was a choice between the two above scenarios?

And neither divorce worthy IMO.

dude what? sexting is at the very least emotional cheating

Meh, a lot of you guys are too "emotional" IMO. She's likely just goofing off with the guy (or girl) because her husband is a little too uptight. He needs to relax, pay attention to her needs, tune in to her freaky side and be a confident male. He's already starting to reap the benefits of it in the sack.

OP is lucky affairs never start out that way

Horrible logic: Affairs start out with acquaintances yet we don't keep our women isolated from other people.

I wouldnt be happy at all if my wife went to lunch with another guy and "hid" it from me.

Divorce worthy unhappy?

Unless she's hiding the meeting because she's looking into surprising him with a man cave or new car, it sure could end that way.

 

[Cjw_55106]

There are 2, possibly separate, reasons why she deleted the texts

1) sexting

2) complaining about her own marriage, likely putting the original poster is a bad light

What would the original poster prefer if he ends up seeing the texts if there was a choice between the two above scenarios?

And neither divorce worthy IMO.

dude what? sexting is at the very least emotional cheating

Meh, a lot of you guys are too "emotional" IMO. She's likely just goofing off with the guy (or girl) because her husband is a little too uptight. He needs to relax, pay attention to her needs, tune in to her freaky side and be a confident male. He's already starting to reap the benefits of it in the sack.

OP is lucky affairs never start out that way

Horrible logic: Affairs start out with acquaintances yet we don't keep our women isolated from other people.

I wouldnt be happy at all if my wife went to lunch with another guy and "hid" it from me.

Divorce worthy unhappy?

Unless she's hiding the meeting because she's looking into surprising him with a man cave or new car, it sure could end that way.

Exactly. The reasons for hiding communications with the opposite sex are pretty limited IMO.

 

[Ditka Butkus]

Women are whore dogs just like men. Oh she looks sweet and innocent, meanwhile she is getting her itch scratched by the neighbor, guy at work etc.

 

[DocHolliday]

Wow. This thread got depressing.

 

[tonydead]

Weird. I can't imagine having to know every text and lunch meeting my significant other has, of course I trust her. I guess if I didn't trust my spouse I'd have to ask myself a few questions and those questions would be directed at fixing the trust problem way before I even thought of divorce.

 

[Rick James]

Weird. I can't imagine having to know every text and lunch meeting my significant other has, of course I trust her. I guess if I didn't trust my spouse I'd have to ask myself a few questions and those questions would be directed at fixing the trust problem way before I even thought of divorce.

I'll just quote this from the original post:

A little background here, wife of 22 years who never gave any hint of cheating. At 11:30 Christmas eve, a text comes from Katie. The next day I ask who is Katie, she tells me its coworker from NY. When I ask why CT #, she goes on to tell me its really a divorce guy she works with that going thru a tough time. I ask to see text but they're all deleted and when I ask that we can recover deleted texts she refuses saying I would get wrong message. She has hid her phone, changed the passcode, deleted everything from ipad, and deleted all recent phone #'s. She indicates nothing ever happen outside of having a few drinks one night at a work function....

if you can't see the multiple red flags in that situation, then frankly I question any advice you have to give on relationships

 

[tonydead]

Weird. I can't imagine having to know every text and lunch meeting my significant other has, of course I trust her. I guess if I didn't trust my spouse I'd have to ask myself a few questions and those questions would be directed at fixing the trust problem way before I even thought of divorce.

I'll just quote this from the original post:

A little background here, wife of 22 years who never gave any hint of cheating. At 11:30 Christmas eve, a text comes from Katie. The next day I ask who is Katie, she tells me its coworker from NY. When I ask why CT #, she goes on to tell me its really a divorce guy she works with that going thru a tough time. I ask to see text but they're all deleted and when I ask that we can recover deleted texts she refuses saying I would get wrong message. She has hid her phone, changed the passcode, deleted everything from ipad, and deleted all recent phone #'s. She indicates nothing ever happen outside of having a few drinks one night at a work function....

if you can't see the multiple red flags in that situation, then frankly I question any advice you have to give on relationships

You highlighted all the answers to the OP questions in that post as red flags. But, I see the questions asked in the first place as red flags too. He obviously doesn't trust her and where that trust was lost is the problem that needs to be fixed. It might even be the reason she's acting like she is.

If my significant other gets a text late Christmas night I wouldn't give it a second thought, probably just her sister or other family. But he looks at her phone to see who it was, looks at the number and notes what area code, grills her with questions and demands to see the texts.

And the idea of demanding divorce for sexting is silly especially without getting to the real root of the problem. Are you emotionally cheating when you jerk off to pron? Why did she feel the need to sext someone else? Why do you feel the need to jerk off? What about posting photos on Instagram or Twitter. What if you go to a strip club? I realize that different people draw the line in different places, however, most sensible people would draw the line somewhere around actual intercourse.

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

Marriage is awesome! cc: Uni

 

[Baloney Sandwich]

Weird. I can't imagine having to know every text and lunch meeting my significant other has, of

course I trust her. I guess if I didn't trust my spouse I'd have to ask myself a few questions and those questions would be directed at fixing the trust problem way before I even thought of

divorce.

I'll just quote this from the original post:

A little background here, wife of 22 years who never gave any hint of cheating. At 11:30 Christmas eve, a text comes from Katie. The

next day I ask who is Katie, she tells me its coworker from NY. When I ask why CT #, she goes on to tell me its really a divorce guy she works with that going thru a tough time. I ask to see text but they're all deleted and when

I ask that we can recover deleted texts she refuses saying I would get wrong message. She has hid her phone, changed the passcode, deleted everything from ipad, and deleted all recent phone #'s. She indicates nothing ever happen outside of having a few drinks one night at a work

function....

if you can't see the multiple red flags in that situation, then

frankly I question any advice you have to give on relationships

You highlighted all the answers to the OP questions in that post as red flags. But, I see the questions asked in the first place as red flags too. He obviously doesn't trust her and where that trust was lost is the problem that needs to be fixed. It might even be the reason she's acting like she is.

If my significant other gets a text late Christmas night I wouldn't give it a second thought, probably just her sister or other family. But he looks at her phone to see who it was, looks at

the number and notes what area code, grills her with questions and demands to see the texts.

And the idea of demanding divorce for sexting is

silly especially without getting to the real root of the problem. Are you emotionally cheating when you jerk off to pron? Why did she feel the need to sext someone else? Why do you feel the

need to jerk off? What about posting photos on Instagram or Twitter. What if you go to a strip club? I realize that different people draw the line in different places, however, most sensible

people would draw the line somewhere around actual intercourse.

Very good post and I would agree the line is around intercourse and if you are the guy you could even argue as long as you used a condom it really doesn't count.

 

[DocHolliday]

Weird. I can't imagine having to know every text and lunch meeting my significant other has, of course I trust her. I guess if I didn't trust my spouse I'd have to ask myself a few questions and those questions would be directed at fixing the trust problem way before I even thought of divorce.

I'll just quote this from the original post:

A little background here, wife of 22 years who never gave any hint of cheating. At 11:30 Christmas eve, a text comes from Katie. The next day I ask who is Katie, she tells me its coworker from NY. When I ask why CT #, she goes on to tell me its really a divorce guy she works with that going thru a tough time. I ask to see text but they're all deleted and when I ask that we can recover deleted texts she refuses saying I would get wrong message. She has hid her phone, changed the passcode, deleted everything from ipad, and deleted all recent phone #'s. She indicates nothing ever happen outside of having a few drinks one night at a work function....

if you can't see the multiple red flags in that situation, then frankly I question any advice you have to give on relationships

You highlighted all the answers to the OP questions in that post as red flags. But, I see the questions asked in the first place as red flags too. He obviously doesn't trust her and where that trust was lost is the problem that needs to be fixed. It might even be the reason she's acting like she is.If my significant other gets a text late Christmas night I wouldn't give it a second thought, probably just her sister or other family. But he looks at her phone to see who it was, looks at the number and notes what area code, grills her with questions and demands to see the texts.

And the idea of demanding divorce for sexting is silly especially without getting to the real root of the problem. Are you emotionally cheating when you jerk off to pron? Why did she feel the need to sext someone else? Why do you feel the need to jerk off? What about posting photos on Instagram or Twitter. What if you go to a strip club? I realize that different people draw the line in different places, however, most sensible people would draw the line somewhere around actual intercourse.

Sexting? I thought she admitted to meeting the guy? If she admits to meeting him who knows what really happened. These are adults. They didn't meet to just hold hands. And, who knows what she has not admitted.

 

[BustedKnuckles]

Have you guys talked the OP into getting divorced yet?

 

[tonydead]

Weird. I can't imagine having to know every text and lunch meeting my significant other has, of course I trust her. I guess if I didn't trust my spouse I'd have to ask myself a few questions and those questions would be directed at fixing the trust problem way before I even thought of divorce.

I'll just quote this from the original post:

A little background here, wife of 22 years who never gave any hint of cheating. At 11:30 Christmas eve, a text comes from Katie. The next day I ask who is Katie, she tells me its coworker from NY. When I ask why CT #, she goes on to tell me its really a divorce guy she works with that going thru a tough time. I ask to see text but they're all deleted and when I ask that we can recover deleted texts she refuses saying I would get wrong message. She has hid her phone, changed the passcode, deleted everything from ipad, and deleted all recent phone #'s. She indicates nothing ever happen outside of having a few drinks one night at a work function....

if you can't see the multiple red flags in that situation, then frankly I question any advice you have to give on relationships

You highlighted all the answers to the OP questions in that post as red flags. But, I see the questions asked in the first place as red flags too. He obviously doesn't trust her and where that trust was lost is the problem that needs to be fixed. It might even be the reason she's acting like she is.If my significant other gets a text late Christmas night I wouldn't give it a second thought, probably just her sister or other family. But he looks at her phone to see who it was, looks at the number and notes what area code, grills her with questions and demands to see the texts.

And the idea of demanding divorce for sexting is silly especially without getting to the real root of the problem. Are you emotionally cheating when you jerk off to pron? Why did she feel the need to sext someone else? Why do you feel the need to jerk off? What about posting photos on Instagram or Twitter. What if you go to a strip club? I realize that different people draw the line in different places, however, most sensible people would draw the line somewhere around actual intercourse.

Sexting? I thought she admitted to meeting the guy? If she admits to meeting him who knows what really happened. These are adults. They didn't meet to just hold hands. And, who knows what she has not admitted.

More bad logic. Who knows what really happens when you go to work everyday, you better keep her locked up in the basement.

The insecurity in this thread is off the chart.

 

[Rick James]

This guy's wife hid the texts under a fake contact, deleted all evidence, erased his number, and admitted to hanging out with the guy late at night.

Totally nothing going on there

 

[Bucky86]

At least she didn't get knocked up.

 

[Eminence]

Let the guy be, haha.

 

[Papa Georgio]

I'm really happy for the guys that brag about being confident and trusting in their women. I don't snoop on mine or check up on her at all. She gives all evidence as to being a committed and faithful woman to me. I wouldn't for one second be surprised though to one day feel different about that situation. While you call others insecure I think you guys are a bit naive.

For whatever reason the guy felt the need to check up on his lady, it doesn't matter because he was right. She was up to no good. You can bet your sweet tush that at the very least those texts were inappropriate. She might not have crossed the line into something physical but she was probably getting lots of stimulation.

Question, have you noticed her grooming habits changing? Has she kept things down there tamed up better than normal? Almost every buddy I have that has went through someone cheating has said that his wife/girlfriend was keeping things very tidy down there when stuff was going on.

 

[Spin]

At least OPs wife is a bad liar, so he's got that going for him.

"Who's Katie?"

"Coworker from NY"

"Why the CT #?"

"She's from CT originally, guess she never changed her number when she moved"

"Ah, that makes sense, wish her Merry Christmas for me"

I may be insecure but I know and have met 100% of the people that would be texting my wife on Christmas eve over the last 8 years of being together. Aside from the generic FB post about Merry Christmas to everyone, I generally only reach out directly to close friends and family on the holidays as I imagine most people also do. I don't think the OP went through her phone, or he would have seen the message, likely just saw it pop up while her number is next to him. If a random person I'd never heard of was texting my wife late at night on Christmas Eve I'd be surprised, and I can see asking who it was. Not in am accusatory tone but out of curiosity.

 

[johnnycakes]

Have you guys talked the OP into getting divorced yet?

They've tried but alas I think he will need to go to China before he is convinced.

 

[DocHolliday]

Weird. I can't imagine having to know every text and lunch meeting my significant other has, of course I trust her. I guess if I didn't trust my spouse I'd have to ask myself a few questions and those questions would be directed at fixing the trust problem way before I even thought of divorce.

I'll just quote this from the original post:

A little background here, wife of 22 years who never gave any hint of cheating. At 11:30 Christmas eve, a text comes from Katie. The next day I ask who is Katie, she tells me its coworker from NY. When I ask why CT #, she goes on to tell me its really a divorce guy she works with that going thru a tough time. I ask to see text but they're all deleted and when I ask that we can recover deleted texts she refuses saying I would get wrong message. She has hid her phone, changed the passcode, deleted everything from ipad, and deleted all recent phone #'s. She indicates nothing ever happen outside of having a few drinks one night at a work function....

if you can't see the multiple red flags in that situation, then frankly I question any advice you have to give on relationships

You highlighted all the answers to the OP questions in that post as red flags. But, I see the questions asked in the first place as red flags too. He obviously doesn't trust her and where that trust was lost is the problem that needs to be fixed. It might even be the reason she's acting like she is.If my significant other gets a text late Christmas night I wouldn't give it a second thought, probably just her sister or other family. But he looks at her phone to see who it was, looks at the number and notes what area code, grills her with questions and demands to see the texts.

And the idea of demanding divorce for sexting is silly especially without getting to the real root of the problem. Are you emotionally cheating when you jerk off to pron? Why did she feel the need to sext someone else? Why do you feel the need to jerk off? What about posting photos on Instagram or Twitter. What if you go to a strip club? I realize that different people draw the line in different places, however, most sensible people would draw the line somewhere around actual intercourse.

Sexting? I thought she admitted to meeting the guy? If she admits to meeting him who knows what really happened. These are adults. They didn't meet to just hold hands. And, who knows what she has not admitted.

More bad logic. Who knows what really happens when you go to work everyday, you better keep her locked up in the basement.

The insecurity in this thread is off the chart.

Your logic is just as flawed. She did not just go to work. She was getting texts on Xmas eve from a recently divorced guy that she works with and had drinks with recently. And she hid his name by labeleing him as "Katie". She then hid the phone, deleted the texts, deleted phone numbers, and changed the password. The OP had reason to be concerned.

I think it is nuts to worry about your SO cheating on you. You have to have trust for a marriage to work. I do not ask my wife about phone calls, texts, or where she is every minute of the day. She does not ask me about texts or phone calls either. However, when your SO throws up a bunch of red flags and is caught red-handed, you have to investigate.

 

[[icon]]

This tonydead guy has to be shtick, right?

 

[stlrams]

Things are going well. She really open and even put find my iphone so I can track her... I still think we were in a rut this snap us out of it... Call it a mid-life crisis..

 

[Zow]

Things are going well. She really open and even put find my iphone so I can track her... I still think we were in a rut this snap us out of it... Call it a mid-life crisis..

Good to hear

 

[Cjw_55106]

Things are going well. She really open and even put find my iphone so I can track her... I still think we were in a rut this snap us out of it... Call it a mid-life crisis..

Glad things are working out. Good luck going forward.

 

[(HULK)]

Things are going well. She really open and even put find my iphone so I can track her... I still think we were in a rut this snap us out of it... Call it a mid-life crisis..

Did she ever give you the truth about why shy deleted everything?

 

[stlrams]

Things are going well. She really open and even put find my iphone so I can track her... I still think we were in a rut this snap us out of it... Call it a mid-life crisis..

Did she ever give you the truth about why shy deleted everything?

ntil 8pm

She said she was scared as I talk about recovering all the deleted texts and putting software that would allowme to see everything on her phone in real time. I still believe she just hung out with guy one night until 8pm and then was texting for roughly 3 weeks. The texts were probabley about how bad her relationship was.

 

[gianmarco]

Things are going well. She really open and even put find my iphone so I can track her... I still think we were in a rut this snap us out of it... Call it a mid-life crisis..

Did she ever give you the truth about why shy deleted everything?

ntil 8pm

She said she was scared as I talk about recovering all the deleted texts and putting software that would allowme to see everything on her phone in real time. I still believe she just hung out with guy one night until 8pm and then was texting for roughly 3 weeks. The texts were probabley about how bad her relationship was.

Yeah, probably.

 

[bicycle_seat_sniffer]

So make up sex? With butt stuff??

 

[tonydead]

Things are going well. She really open and even put find my iphone so I can track her... I still think we were in a rut this snap us out of it... Call it a mid-life crisis..

Good thing you didn't take everyone's advise and immediately file for divorce then. In case I missed it did you say if she had actually had intercourse with this guy like everyone just assumed?

 

[tonydead]

Also, I wouldn't say you are doing well until you trust her enough again to not feel like you have to track her whereabouts all the time. I mean if she knows you are tracking her it doesn't do any good anyway.

 

[BowieMercs]

Dentist, what's that site? NoMarriage.com?

 

[Keerock]

Dentist, what's that site? NoMarriage.com?

He divorced that site years ago...

 

[Green and Gold]

Weird. I can't imagine having to know every text and lunch meeting my significant other has, of course I trust her. I guess if I didn't trust my spouse I'd have to ask myself a few questions and those questions would be directed at fixing the trust problem way before I even thought of divorce.

I'll just quote this from the original post:

A little background here, wife of 22 years who never gave any hint of cheating. At 11:30 Christmas eve, a text comes from Katie. The next day I ask who is Katie, she tells me its coworker from NY. When I ask why CT #, she goes on to tell me its really a divorce guy she works with that going thru a tough time. I ask to see text but they're all deleted and when I ask that we can recover deleted texts she refuses saying I would get wrong message. She has hid her phone, changed the passcode, deleted everything from ipad, and deleted all recent phone #'s. She indicates nothing ever happen outside of having a few drinks one night at a work function....

if you can't see the multiple red flags in that situation, then frankly I question any advice you have to give on relationships

You highlighted all the answers to the OP questions in that post as red flags. But, I see the questions asked in the first place as red flags too. He obviously doesn't trust her and where that trust was lost is the problem that needs to be fixed. It might even be the reason she's acting like she is.If my significant other gets a text late Christmas night I wouldn't give it a second thought, probably just her sister or other family. But he looks at her phone to see who it was, looks at the number and notes what area code, grills her with questions and demands to see the texts.

And the idea of demanding divorce for sexting is silly especially without getting to the real root of the problem. Are you emotionally cheating when you jerk off to pron? Why did she feel the need to sext someone else? Why do you feel the need to jerk off? What about posting photos on Instagram or Twitter. What if you go to a strip club? I realize that different people draw the line in different places, however, most sensible people would draw the line somewhere around actual intercourse.

Sexting? I thought she admitted to meeting the guy? If she admits to meeting him who knows what really happened. These are adults. They didn't meet to just hold hands. And, who knows what she has not admitted.

More bad logic. Who knows what really happens when you go to work everyday, you better keep her locked up in the basement.

The insecurity in this thread is off the chart.

Your logic is just as flawed. She did not just go to work. She was getting texts on Xmas eve from a recently divorced guy that she works with and had drinks with recently. And she hid his name by labeleing him as "Katie". She then hid the phone, deleted the texts, deleted phone numbers, and changed the password. The OP had reason to be concerned.

I think it is nuts to worry about your SO cheating on you. You have to have trust for a marriage to work. I do not ask my wife about phone calls, texts, or where she is every minute of the day. She does not ask me about texts or phone calls either. However, when your SO throws up a bunch of red flags and is caught red-handed, you have to investigate.

Yes, something very clearly happened, or was going to happen. Having the guy listed as Katie shows premeditation, and deleting everything shows guilt. If she didn't want her husband to see specific texts, she would have just deleted those. But basically wiping the phone and changing the password shows that she is feeling guilty.

This isn't to say anything physically happened, but something mental certainly did. Either way, it's up to the OP how he wants to handle it. I see nothing wrong with reconciling after a mental or physical affair, and I see nothing wrong with filing for divorce. It all depends on what matters to you.

 

[johnnycakes]

Things are going well. She really open and even put find my iphone so I can track her... I still think we were in a rut this snap us out of it... Call it a mid-life crisis..

That just means she's wised up and does like the pros do... she's got another phone somewhere.

Leave "your" phone at the office while she goes to bang Magic Mike at the hotel down the street.

 

[Spin]

Things are going well. She really open and even put find my iphone so I can track her... I still think we were in a rut this snap us out of it... Call it a mid-life crisis..

That just means she's wised up and does like the pros do... she's got another phone somewhere.

Or only talks through Facebook chats, or another chat program. Or, she leaves her phone at the office when she goes to meet him...

 

[johnnycakes]

Things are going well. She really open and even put find my iphone so I can track her... I still think we were in a rut this snap us out of it... Call it a mid-life crisis..

That just means she's wised up and does like the pros do... she's got another phone somewhere.

Or only talks through Facebook chats, or another chat program. Or, she leaves her phone at the office when she goes to meet him...

Exactly. He needs to put the GPS on HER and not her phone. Think court-style GPS ankle bracelet.

 

[Spin]

Things are going well. She really open and even put find my iphone so I can track her... I still think we were in a rut this snap us out of it... Call it a mid-life crisis..

That just means she's wised up and does like the pros do... she's got another phone somewhere.

Or only talks through Facebook chats, or another chat program. Or, she leaves her phone at the office when she goes to meet him...

Exactly. He needs to put the GPS on HER and not her phone. Think court-style GPS ankle bracelet.

Implant a chip when she's sleeping?

 

[tonydead]

Yes, something very clearly happened, or was going to happen. Having the guy listed as Katie shows premeditation, and deleting everything shows guilt. If she didn't want her husband to see specific texts, she would have just deleted those. But basically wiping the phone and changing the password shows that she is feeling guilty.


This isn't to say anything physically happened, but something mental certainly did. Either way, it's up to the OP how he wants to handle it. I see nothing wrong with reconciling after a mental or physical affair, and I see nothing wrong with filing for divorce. It all depends on what matters to you.

Or, she was seeking an emotional connection that she wasn't getting from her husband anymore because he's too busy using her password to make sure she never chats, texts or talks to any other male ever.

 

[johnnycakes]

Yes, something very clearly happened, or was going to happen. Having the guy listed as Katie shows premeditation, and deleting everything shows guilt. If she didn't want her husband to see specific texts, she would have just deleted those. But basically wiping the phone and changing the password shows that she is feeling guilty.


This isn't to say anything physically happened, but something mental certainly did. Either way, it's up to the OP how he wants to handle it. I see nothing wrong with reconciling after a mental or physical affair, and I see nothing wrong with filing for divorce. It all depends on what matters to you.

Or, she was seeking an emotional connection that she wasn't getting from her husband anymore because he's too busy using her password to make sure she never chats, texts or talks to any other male ever.

I don't know but I've been told marital problems are rarely entirely the fault of one spouse.

 

[stlrams]

I have access to her facebook, email, phone, linkin etc and check it. She works from home so no office stuff. I know everywhere she go and with who.