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Deadly Animal Draft (2 Viewers)
- Thread starter cosjobs
- Start date
JZilla
Footballguy
Eat it, cowboy.It was stated more than once that the commish would no longer verify selections before they were made.I could have done you much worse... I just worsened an already existing conditionSorry, Noodle, the commish just killed your polar bear for no reason.Good luck!
cosjobs
Footballguy
Phil Collins confirms that the commish is #1 in the hearts of team ownersA message for the commish from Mr. Phil CollinsRipping the commish...not good for POLAR BEAR'S health.
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The Goat
Footballguy
It must be something with the name. if our Marinas join forces, that's 372 pounds of angry Russian Woman (I suspect the actual weight could be close to a quarter ton). They could wipe out all the other brides by themselves.To close out our draft, we add another Bull.Meet MarinaHeight: 5ft 5"Weight: 185 lbProfession: Doctor (knows weak spots)And, most importantly:In own words: "I am a very emotional person."GB 185 lbs of emotional Marina wreaking havoc in the cage.Yes, you're all o\/\/ned
PoolShark
Footballguy
I dunno, bagger's is made of solid lead. She could be tough...It must be something with the name. if our Marinas join forces, that's 372 pounds of angry Russian Woman (I suspect the actual weight could be close to a quarter ton). They could wipe out all the other brides by themselves.To close out our draft, we add another Bull.Meet MarinaHeight: 5ft 5"Weight: 185 lbProfession: Doctor (knows weak spots)And, most importantly:In own words: "I am a very emotional person."GB 185 lbs of emotional Marina wreaking havoc in the cage.Yes, you're all o\/\/ned
bagger
Footballguy
she's deadlier than half my animals.and she was my penalty pick!I dunno, bagger's is made of solid lead. She could be tough...It must be something with the name. if our Marinas join forces, that's 372 pounds of angry Russian Woman (I suspect the actual weight could be close to a quarter ton). They could wipe out all the other brides by themselves.To close out our draft, we add another Bull.Meet MarinaHeight: 5ft 5"Weight: 185 lbProfession: Doctor (knows weak spots)And, most importantly:In own words: "I am a very emotional person."GB 185 lbs of emotional Marina wreaking havoc in the cage.Yes, you're all o\/\/ned
gorf
Footballguy
Rounding out the team is MARINA BQ5610.
At 5'11', 154 lbs, she can hold her own in the field of battle (with the fingermonkey, anyway, and the, oh, half the crap that was drafted this afternoon). She's a university graduate, so she can help plan the attack. She has a child, so she may be fiercely protective of her territory, too.
And as evidenced by the photos on the bottom of the page, she is athletic, and comfortable around the water (although I wouldn't characterize her as a sea creature). Hopefully she'll drag all the crap my electric eel stuns out of the water, which my burmese python can then swallow whole.
She also appears to have some prowling ability not evident in the other Russian brides (see pic on bottom of page). Oh yes. I'm quite happy with this selection.
And now team gorf is complete.
At 5'11', 154 lbs, she can hold her own in the field of battle (with the fingermonkey, anyway, and the, oh, half the crap that was drafted this afternoon). She's a university graduate, so she can help plan the attack. She has a child, so she may be fiercely protective of her territory, too.
And as evidenced by the photos on the bottom of the page, she is athletic, and comfortable around the water (although I wouldn't characterize her as a sea creature). Hopefully she'll drag all the crap my electric eel stuns out of the water, which my burmese python can then swallow whole.
She also appears to have some prowling ability not evident in the other Russian brides (see pic on bottom of page). Oh yes. I'm quite happy with this selection.
And now team gorf is complete.
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the rover
Footballguy
just finished catching up from last night. still can't figure out why I couldn't access the message boards from work--it's not like we block anything. thanks to the commish for stepping in for me and making picks that at least sound scary--the vampire bat and alligator gar. and that drunken russian chick looks like she's got some fight in her once you wake her out of her stupor.
Courtjester
The Town Drunk
I noticed she is a widow.I am guessing she probably killed and ate her last mate....To close out our draft, we add another Bull.Meet MarinaHeight: 5ft 5"Weight: 185 lbProfession: Doctor (knows weak spots)And, most importantly:In own words: "I am a very emotional person."GB 185 lbs of emotional Marina wreaking havoc in the cage.Yes, you're all o\/\/ned
cosjobs
Footballguy
Mr.Squidward
Footballguy
Wow... this thing flew by today. Very well done everybody. Sorry I couldn't participate more- pregnant fiance + xmas season = inordinate amounts of shopping, #####ing, crying and making up (oh yeeeeeaah- 
).Good teams all around!Thanks to JAA for being an EXCELLENT GM so far. Based on your excellent scouting skills and ability to bad mouth other picks while still sounding like a true professional, I have decided to offer you 50% ownership.JZILLA+Noodle? Nope. You are looking at the braintrust that could make a team of FINGERMONKEYS!! take out a team of hippos and blue whales.Fortunately for us- we have a much better team than everyone else (ummm, no wasted picks- ahem *cough* fingermonkey). Unfortunately for everyone else- we are also the master strategists. All thats left is the Russian Bride- and you nevah know what could happen there.
).Good teams all around!Thanks to JAA for being an EXCELLENT GM so far. Based on your excellent scouting skills and ability to bad mouth other picks while still sounding like a true professional, I have decided to offer you 50% ownership.JZILLA+Noodle? Nope. You are looking at the braintrust that could make a team of FINGERMONKEYS!! take out a team of hippos and blue whales.Fortunately for us- we have a much better team than everyone else (ummm, no wasted picks- ahem *cough* fingermonkey). Unfortunately for everyone else- we are also the master strategists. All thats left is the Russian Bride- and you nevah know what could happen there.
cosjobs
Footballguy
I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch all the GLOATING.The phone was ringingIt was the vetSinus infection out of controlYour elephant had been truncatedWow... this thing flew by today. Very well done everybody. Sorry I couldn't participate more- pregnant fiance + xmas season = inordinate amounts of shopping, #####ing, crying and making up (oh yeeeeeaah-
Mr.Squidward
Footballguy
Alrighty then!cosjobs- great job 'commishing'. It could have been an impossible task but you pulled it off. Hats off to ya...I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch all the GLOATING.The phone was ringingIt was the vetSinus infection out of controlYour elephant had been truncatedWow... this thing flew by today. Very well done everybody. Sorry I couldn't participate more- pregnant fiance + xmas season = inordinate amounts of shopping, #####ing, crying and making up (oh yeeeeeaah-
cosjobs
Footballguy
Now THAT's the attitude the commish loves.I'll see if I can't come up with a nice prosthetic trunk.... maybe the python will die or something...Alrighty then!cosjobs- great job 'commishing'. It could have been an impossible task but you pulled it off. Hats off to ya...I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch all the GLOATING.The phone was ringingIt was the vetSinus infection out of controlYour elephant had been truncatedWow... this thing flew by today. Very well done everybody. Sorry I couldn't participate more- pregnant fiance + xmas season = inordinate amounts of shopping, #####ing, crying and making up (oh yeeeeeaah-
cosjobs
Footballguy
I'm going to call it a night fellas, I will wrap it up in the a.m.You can pm your pick if you are waiting on someone ahead of you.Start getting together a Team post that includes:Members of the Management/OwnershipAll your reatures with pics and biosDeath match strategyAny other propaganda you want to addI will then paste that info into the post for the public voting polls.GLA
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Sonny Lubick Blowup Doll
Footballguy
JZilla
Footballguy
woohoo, thanks cosjobs!
I am over and out, I will let Noodle write up and sell his team - with apologies for accidentally violating a rule I missed thus losing a leg on his polar bear - and I am merely an observer from here on.
Two notes:
- not cool to wait until last pick was made to tell drafter a rule had been previously violated
- a preemptive :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: to any and all supposed strategies to take out the blue whale. 30 Orcas.
I am over and out, I will let Noodle write up and sell his team - with apologies for accidentally violating a rule I missed thus losing a leg on his polar bear - and I am merely an observer from here on.
Two notes:
- not cool to wait until last pick was made to tell drafter a rule had been previously violated
- a preemptive :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: to any and all supposed strategies to take out the blue whale. 30 Orcas.
JZilla
Footballguy
As for the second-best team in the group (the best were it not for the impossibility of taking down a blue whale)...1.1 - truth ->>>>> Hippopotamus2.16 - truth ->>>>>> Western Pygmy Rattlesanke3.1 - truth ->>>>Black Rhino4.16 - truth ->>>>>>Oceanic White Tip Shark5.1 - truth ->>>>>Egyptian Grey Mongoose6.16 - truth ->>>>>Golden Eagle7.1 - truth ->>>Olive Baboon...shall set you free.unbeatable on dry land.
Sonny Lubick Blowup Doll
Footballguy
Another head here to shove up Cosjobs ####. You do have something to do with the judging don't you?! 
As I just finished my second meal today where I was caught with my thoughts wondering far, far away. "What do you keep thinking about?", I am asked... 
...how do you say, "A Deadly Animal Draft", or "How to kill a Fingermonkey with a Sea Leopard", romantically? 
Lastly, as a :wacko: guy in my league would say, "Hands off, Cosjobs!"...my most participated, addicting thread ever. Good job. :rotflmao: 
Team SharkPool/SonnyLubick... 
!
You do have something to do with the judging don't you?! As I just finished my second meal today where I was caught with my thoughts wondering far, far away. "What do you keep thinking about?", I am asked... ...how do you say, "A Deadly Animal Draft", or "How to kill a Fingermonkey with a Sea Leopard", romantically? Lastly, as a :wacko: guy in my league would say, "Hands off, Cosjobs!"...my most participated, addicting thread ever. Good job. :rotflmao: Team SharkPool/SonnyLubick... !
PAO
Footballguy
JesusI go to ta christmas party for acouple of hours, get drunk and then havehtis feelinghtat somehting is going on and bam, I avoid a tiny dog pick. I can't believe i went to a internet cafe to make sure i wasn't missing any picks.this draFt has been SWEET. thank you cosjobs. I haven't seen the russian bride yet but doesn't matter how stupid this commie is because there is no way sh ecn screw up my team.i hav eto work in the morning very soon. not looking forward to this.
Noodlefish
Bloomin' brilliant...
Team JZ / Noodle looks pretty good - although I might have taken an Au Pair (Swedish) in Round 7...
CaptainHucklebuck
Ancient Chinese Secret
Okay, I just got home from work (In Los Angeles, for those wondering where I bartend) and have seen all of these posts. I don't need another sea creature, I believe - the anaconda is a water creature more than a land creature, as far as I know, and the blue-lined octopus is my #2 water creature. If I still need one, please let me know. That would change things a bit.As it is, I am drunk beyond belief (that's what happens at work, mostly) and am in dire need of sleep and Taco Bell (thankfully the Bell is here right now.)Other than my final pick, however, I do need to add one thing:The key to teamwork is communication. My Russian Bride is a Miltary Officer in the Russian Army. That means she's familiar with Israeli-style miltary hand signals..... very similar to sign language.The eastern lowlands gorilla has been PROVEN to be able to learn sign language.Therefore, I have the only 2 members of a deathmatch team able to communicate with one another. This is true teamwork, and will show in the final results. We are the New England Patriots of the deathmatch. Beware. Your animals attack singly, while mine attack with purpose and strategic planning. I will PM my final pick to cos in case I am not awake and aware by the time this thing ends in the form of my desired pick and then my pick if I have to take a sea animal. Good luck to all who remain.
randall146
Footballguy
Congratulations. You have the worst Russian Bride.
PoolShark
Footballguy
I would agree there, since "another name for this species is a Water Boa."However, it doesn't excuse you from showing up drunk, after you've been on the clock for 5+ hours already, and then not even making your pick!!! Bean burritos more important than the DAD, indeed.
No, good luck to you. You're Bald Eagle now suffers from vanity. He wears a horrible toupee, that hangs over his eyes and obstructs his previously keen vision.
JAA
Footballguy
Thats the shizat I am talking about ... like badass POW! and BAM ... Wolverine just snacthed your face! REEEEOOOOOWWWAAAAARRRRRRSHSSSSSHHHSSHHHH!!!! The Lynx just jinxed you whole squad with a SLASH and BASH and REEEARR!Your done ... now its finger licken good y'allJAA
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FINGERMONKEY!!
Footballguy
WELL YOU MORONS ARE LUCKY I'VE BEEN STUCK IN MEETINGS AND ALSO BUSY WITH SOME "ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT" ON THE PUFFERFISH!! YOU'VE BEEN TALKING SOME ILL ADVISED SMACK ABOUT THE FINGERMONKEY WHILE I'VE BEEN GONE!! I WOULD HAVE COME AND KNAWED OFF YOUR FACES IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH PITIFUL, WORTHLESS KNUCKLEHEADS!!AND ALSO IF OUR COMPUTERS WEREN'T DOWN FOR A FEW HOURS!!ON GAME DAY A HORRIFYING STORM OF FINGERMONKEY KNAWS WILL RAIN DOWN UPON YOU!!THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING: DO NOT PROVIDE BULLETIN BOARD MATERIAL FOR FINGERMONKEY!!
Courtjester
The Town Drunk
I wonder how many my Basking Shark could swallow in one gulp??500?1000??
randall146
Footballguy
You guys are really asking for it. Not smart.
NCCommish
Footballguy
Your basking shark sucks in FINGERMONKEY!!. FINGERMONKEY!! grabs a gill on the way by uses it to avoid going down the throat and then starts ripping gills out by the handful! Your basking shark is losing oxygen intake now, everythings getting dark, uh-oh passed out plankton eater, easy cleanup for the pilot whale. Did I mention that FINGERMONKEY!! can hold his breath like forever almost? Its scary.And I saw someone talking about thier bride using sign language to communicate with thier ape, big deal! FINGERMONKEY!! Don't need no stinking sign language he'll be our on the field general leaving destruction in his wake. Lubov will follow him anywhere and will do his bidding, your brides don't want to meet this "widow" .
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gorf
Footballguy
puh-lease.THIS team is unbeatable on dry land:
1.05 African Elephant - 'nuff said
2.12 Electric Eel - may come in handy against the land animals, too. paralysis is a nice weapon.
3.05 American Bison - how's about 2200 pounds of angry bison charging you at 35 mph?
4.12 Great Barracuda
5.05 Greater Rhea Bird - 800 psi kick coming at you with a giant spike on its heel.
6.12 Burmese Python - can swallow a deer whole
7.05 Spotted Skunk - will cause blindness up to 23 feet away (plus it stinks real bad)
8.12 Marina bq5610 - will stalk like a natural born vodka-swilling killer. see photos.
Edit for emphasis: This is the only team that can cause BLINDNESS and INSTANT PARALYSIS. Kinda tough to fight when you can't see or move. You're all toast.
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Courtjester
The Town Drunk
See, but therein lies the beauty of the contest. The lion venutres too close to water end of cage and BAAAMM!! Mako shark has it for dinner. Mongoose searches for snake to eat when "death from above" comes in the form of an eagle. The possibilities are endless--strategy will be the key and the teams that have suffered disabilities and penalties are going to be hurting....I am trying to figure out the best format to sent my team to the Commish as I don't want to reveal my strategies to the other teams.
BTW: I hope PETA or the Humane Society won't be monitoring this board once the carnage begins....
