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Family on the holidays (1 Viewer)

R

Ranethe

Footballguy
Sigh. At the risk of sounding uncharitable, I have to vent.

First, my family gets together with wife’s sisters (3) every Christmas (none are currently married). I have a tough time with them in general-loud, hard of hearing, it’s always been a whirlwind of chaos and noise that just really stresses me out. Impossible to get a word in edge-wise ever. 

We’ve always got together on x-mas eve for like the last 20 years. One sister had to work x-mas eve this year so we switched to x-mas (which is when my family had always done our thing). Last minute same sister tells us she just took a shift today at 4. Supposed to get together at noon, she shows up just now-2 pm. Also has pink eye apparently. So everything rearranged to accommodate this sister for...about 1.5 hours.

On top of that, wife’s niece’s daughter-whose mom was killed by a drunk driver in front of our house in 2002 -came with live-in BF. We’ve always harbored a bit of guilt because this girl’s mom was killed in front of our house. We kept close with her over the years-took her camping with us year after year, always invited to holidays, bought her school clothes every year, generally tried to be a consistent presence in her life. For some unknown reason she stopped responding to wife about 3 years ago. She always had an open invitation to swim at our house, visit, etc. she also burned through a sizeable monetary settlement within 2 years and now doesn’t work and has no money. Now she is pregnant and has reestablished contact. It seems obvious to me why that is, but I’ll leave it at that. Just got done listening to her BF rant about how their current neighborhood has been taken over by “Muslims” and they want to move out near us to get away from them.

I love the holidays. Sitting in my corner with my iPad drinking.

 
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Brutal...

My BIL has the flu real bad and he's coughing everywhere. My dad and brother have a cold. There are 7 adults here and only 1 person has offered to help me cook, and we're not even at my house. We agreed to no presents but everyone brought gifts. 

I love the holidays. Standing in front of the oven with an ipa and my phone.

 
I always consider myself lucky this time of year - I love my in-laws and get along with them great.  We always go Xmas Eve at my Mom’s and Xmas Day with in-laws.  Afternoon nap watching my kids mess with theirs gifts and drinking beer.  Prime rib tonight with copious amounts of wine and bourbon.  One of the best days of the year - Merry Christmas!!

 
So now the oldest sister-also the nuttiest and loudest-is taping calendar pages all over our kitchen walls. These calendar pages have various sayings regarding “Sisters” (e.g “My sisters are a blessing”). There are about 15 taped up atm. Apparently they are there so the sisters can take a picture in front of them to send to ANOTHER sister who lives in FLA (and is normal). My wife is the youngest of 7 btw, 4 sisters, 2 brothers).

Ive been assured the calendar pages will be taken down (sans wall paint I’m sure). Sigh

eta: I didn’t mention that nutty older SIL is also a LEVEL 3 practitioner of Reiki.

 
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AAABatteries said:
I always consider myself lucky this time of year - I love my in-laws and get along with them great.  We always go Xmas Eve at my Mom’s and Xmas Day with in-laws.  Afternoon nap watching my kids mess with theirs gifts and drinking beer.  Prime rib tonight with copious amounts of wine and bourbon.  One of the best days of the year - Merry Christmas!!
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That’s awesome.  :thumbup:

 
I love the non holidays. Don't have to hang out with people just because you are somehow related to them. Don't have to spend money on gifts that will probably be returned. Everything is open and your schedule isn't being disrupted. I love the non holidays.

 
My house is literally the freaking Griswold's.  Staying this year are: my sister, her husband, and their three girls all under 9, my parents, my wife's sister, mom, and dad.  Her parents have been divorced for 20 years and all hate each other.  Not to mention, father in law gets drunk every Christmas because their youngest daughter died in a car wreck 8 years ago.  Oh, and sister in law brought her damn dog that barks at damn near everything.  And its one of those high pitch barks.  

 
rascal said:
My house is literally the freaking Griswold's.  Staying this year are: my sister, her husband, and their three girls all under 9, my parents, my wife's sister, mom, and dad.  Her parents have been divorced for 20 years and all hate each other.  Not to mention, father in law gets drunk every Christmas because their youngest daughter died in a car wreck 8 years ago.  Oh, and sister in law brought her damn dog that barks at damn near everything.  And its one of those high pitch barks.  
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😲

 
rascal said:
My house is literally the freaking Griswold's.  Staying this year are: my sister, her husband, and their three girls all under 9, my parents, my wife's sister, mom, and dad.  Her parents have been divorced for 20 years and all hate each other.  Not to mention, father in law gets drunk every Christmas because their youngest daughter died in a car wreck 8 years ago.  Oh, and sister in law brought her damn dog that barks at damn near everything.  And its one of those high pitch barks.  
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Ugggh. Regarding bolded: we have a bull terrier (the Target dog, or “Spuds McKenzie” for older people who might recall) that is so damn high strung and has numerous behavioral issues...including barking incessantly for no apparent reason all the time.

Older nutty SIL mentioned earlier is also a dog rescue person, and self appointed expert on dogs, and has at times up to 15 dogs at her house. A few x-mas’s ago I got into a heated argument with her over MY dog. We were all playing catch-phrase and dog was barking non stop-and lunging/biting at the catch phrase thing you pass around. I had had enough and went to put the dog away (cage trained) and SIL started arguing with me, “oh she’s fine, leave her alone”. Telling me what to do, with my dog in my house, when the dog was way out of control. So aggravating.

This dog was purchased from-we found out after the fact-a puppy mill. While affectionate and a good dog in some ways, overall she’s made our life a living hell (ok, some hyperbole). She has some kind of noise sensitivity: if we pull out aluminum foil or that press-n-seal wrap, or pull out pans, she turns into the Tasmanian devil. Like totally spazzes out.  And she’s developed serious separation anxiety over the last year. But somehow this SIL thought she knew OUR dog better than we did.

 
We are doing 4 bags of chocolate dipped pretzel rods - in dark chocolate, strawberry flavored white chocolate and white chocolate - all with jimmies, sprinkles, etc.  The kids thought it would be fun - they are bailing after the dark chocolate 😄. 

 
Ranethe said:
Sigh. At the risk of sounding uncharitable, I have to vent.

First, my family gets together with wife’s sisters (3) every Christmas (none are currently married). I have a tough time with them in general-loud, hard of hearing, it’s always been a whirlwind of chaos and noise that just really stresses me out. Impossible to get a word in edge-wise ever. 

We’ve always got together on x-mas eve for like the last 20 years. One sister had to work x-mas eve this year so we switched to x-mas (which is when my family had always done our thing). Last minute same sister tells us she just took a shift today at 4. Supposed to get together at noon, she shows up just now-2 pm. Also has pink eye apparently. So everything rearranged to accommodate this sister for...about 1.5 hours.

On top of that, wife’s niece’s daughter-whose mom was killed by a drunk driver in front of our house in 2002 -came with live-in BF. We’ve always harbored a bit of guilt because this girl’s mom was killed in front of our house. We kept close with her over the years-took her camping with us year after year, always invited to holidays, bought her school clothes every year, generally tried to be a consistent presence in her life. For some unknown reason she stopped responding to wife about 3 years ago. She always had an open invitation to swim at our house, visit, etc. she also burned through a sizeable monetary settlement within 2 years and now doesn’t work and has no money. Now she is pregnant and has reestablished contact. It seems obvious to me why that is, but I’ll leave it at that. Just got done listening to her BF rant about how their current neighborhood has been taken over by “Muslims” and they want to move out near us to get away from them.

I love the holidays. Sitting in my corner with my iPad drinking.
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you used the term Christmas once , and then x-mas the remainder of your story.  :rolleyes: . 

just a question, why can't you just say 'no' i'm not going? seems a hell of a lot easier than going through all the grief. you could be home alone all day.worth it's weight in gold.

 
Tanner9919 said:
you used the term Christmas once , and then x-mas the remainder of your story.  :rolleyes: . 

just a question, why can't you just say 'no' i'm not going? seems a hell of a lot easier than going through all the grief. you could be home alone all day.worth it's weight in gold.
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They are at his house. 

ETA: Oh wrong guy. Carry on. 

 
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Tanner9919 said:
you used the term Christmas once , and then x-mas the remainder of your story.  :rolleyes: . 

just a question, why can't you just say 'no' i'm not going? seems a hell of a lot easier than going through all the grief. you could be home alone all day.worth it's weight in gold.
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X-mas was to save time. Is that frowned upon?

Home alone is worth its weight in gold. It was at our house though. Perhaps I wasn’t clear about that. Besides, maybe it’s different for others but saying “no, I’m not going” isn’t really an option for me (if it was a holiday gathering at someone else’s house). There would be consequences.

 
AAABatteries said:
I always consider myself lucky this time of year - I love my in-laws and get along with them great.  We always go Xmas Eve at my Mom’s and Xmas Day with in-laws.  Afternoon nap watching my kids mess with theirs gifts and drinking beer.  Prime rib tonight with copious amounts of wine and bourbon.  One of the best days of the year - Merry Christmas!!
Click to expand...
probably should n't let the kids drink beer.

 
Ranethe said:
Sigh. At the risk of sounding uncharitable, I have to vent.

First, my family gets together with wife’s sisters (3) every Christmas (none are currently married). I have a tough time with them in general-loud, hard of hearing, it’s always been a whirlwind of chaos and noise that just really stresses me out. Impossible to get a word in edge-wise ever. 

We’ve always got together on x-mas eve for like the last 20 years. One sister had to work x-mas eve this year so we switched to x-mas (which is when my family had always done our thing). Last minute same sister tells us she just took a shift today at 4. Supposed to get together at noon, she shows up just now-2 pm. Also has pink eye apparently. So everything rearranged to accommodate this sister for...about 1.5 hours.

On top of that, wife’s niece’s daughter-whose mom was killed by a drunk driver in front of our house in 2002 -came with live-in BF. We’ve always harbored a bit of guilt because this girl’s mom was killed in front of our house. We kept close with her over the years-took her camping with us year after year, always invited to holidays, bought her school clothes every year, generally tried to be a consistent presence in her life. For some unknown reason she stopped responding to wife about 3 years ago. She always had an open invitation to swim at our house, visit, etc. she also burned through a sizeable monetary settlement within 2 years and now doesn’t work and has no money. Now she is pregnant and has reestablished contact. It seems obvious to me why that is, but I’ll leave it at that. Just got done listening to her BF rant about how their current neighborhood has been taken over by “Muslims” and they want to move out near us to get away from them.

I love the holidays. Sitting in my corner with my iPad drinking.
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i hear you.  everyone in my family is way more low-key than all that, but after 4 straight days with people, i am in the same place as you mentally.

 
My youngest son and daughter came by for Christmas. They live with their mother. As I am taking out the recycle after my second straight day of cooking (wife's family last night, mine today), my son follows me in to the garage sand says "I need your help." Never good, but nothing new, or so I thought. I said "Sure, what's up?" He turns and shows me a nasty wound on his shin. It's essentially a hole. Obviously infected. I was like "WTF??!??!?!?!??" He apparently had a cyst. Drained it took, care of it, was ok for awhile, getting better. But somewhere it took a turn. I ran in and asked his sister why the #### hadn't he been to the doctor or hospital or whatever? She said they thought it was getting better, and my ex DOESN'T HAVE ANY HEALTH CARE ON HIM! I couldn't believe my ears. Apparently it is to expensive so she just doesn't cover him. I told her, get him to one of the three open clinics in the city tonight and I would pay for it, out of pocket obviously. My company's open season just closed or I could have put him on my insurance had I known. Now I sit here, nauseous, worried, pissed, head throbbing, waiting to hear if his leg is going to be ok. And the bill will just be a bonus. At least I have the impending war with my ex to look forward too. Merry effing Christmas.

Signed, Ebenezer Mac.

 
Jen Hatmaker posted this and I thought it was good. She's a Christian writer and it's got that slant but I think it's good advice for anyone. (and I use the wo

Merry Christmas Eve, dear community!

Just a quick word for those of you about to spend time with difficult people, or polar opposite family members, or those whose views break your heart or boggle your mind, or the mean, judgey, or passive aggressive ones:

Christmas together does not represent your one moment to "set them straight" or challenge their ideas or go on record or finally get through to them. Nor does it mean you are to bend over backward, explain your choices, cower to anyone's criticism, or take the bait. (The bait almost never works out. I always regret taking it. The only thing at the end of the bait is a fish about to be skewered.)

Just lay all that down. Release your anxiety and just let these days be what they are: Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with the family you have. You get to choose how much control you will hand over. None of this will be perfect. Consider the expectations you are entertaining inside your mind: too high? Maybe unrealistic? Are you hoping someone acts differently than they ALWAYS HAVE? It's unlikely, fam.

As much as it depends on you, steer your own ship. No I will not jump into this never-ending argument. No I will not explain to my Aunt Margaret why we put our kids in public school. No I will not feed off my mother's disappointment. No I will not pick a fight. No I will not bring up that one thing from that one year nor respond to someone else who wants to resurrect old wounds. No I will not answer grandpa's nosy questions about my dating life/marriage/salary/divorce/struggling kid.

For many of you, your next few days will be easy and bright and none of this makes sense, but for those of you walking into stressful scenarios, take your expectations down to the ground, then anything above that is a bonus! Let it be what it is. YOU can add kind words, generous responses, positive intent, and good jokes into the mix. You can up the ante on joy. You can shrug things off instead of going up in flames. You can compliment instead of criticize. You can walk outside and take a deep breath (bring your eggnog). You can be the best thing happening in the room.

I love you, dear ones. Very proud of those of you creating the family you wanted while still connected to the one you got. I hope your days include surprising moments of laughter and connectedness, and even if they don't, know you are deeply loved by Jesus who had a very challenging first "Christmas" too and still managed to save the world.





9
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Ranethe said:
Just got done listening to her BF rant about how their current neighborhood has been taken over by “Muslims” and they want to move out near us to get away from them.
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Tell him you just had a bunch of quote-unquote "Muslims" move in down the street.

 
DallasDMac said:
My youngest son and daughter came by for Christmas. They live with their mother. As I am taking out the recycle after my second straight day of cooking (wife's family last night, mine today), my son follows me in to the garage sand says "I need your help." Never good, but nothing new, or so I thought. I said "Sure, what's up?" He turns and shows me a nasty wound on his shin. It's essentially a hole. Obviously infected. I was like "WTF??!??!?!?!??" He apparently had a cyst. Drained it took, care of it, was ok for awhile, getting better. But somewhere it took a turn. I ran in and asked his sister why the #### hadn't he been to the doctor or hospital or whatever? She said they thought it was getting better, and my ex DOESN'T HAVE ANY HEALTH CARE ON HIM! I couldn't believe my ears. Apparently it is to expensive so she just doesn't cover him. I told her, get him to one of the three open clinics in the city tonight and I would pay for it, out of pocket obviously. My company's open season just closed or I could have put him on my insurance had I known. Now I sit here, nauseous, worried, pissed, head throbbing, waiting to hear if his leg is going to be ok. And the bill will just be a bonus. At least I have the impending war with my ex to look forward too. Merry effing Christmas.

Signed, Ebenezer Mac.
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Damn. Curious to know how this turns out. Hope he’s ok. How old is he?

 
Ranethe said:
Damn. Curious to know how this turns out. Hope he’s ok. How old is he?
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22. Slight mental disability. Not enough to get help or anything. So frustrating that I could have had him covered if only I had known. Instead they chose to hide the lack of insurance from me. Doc says no infection. She suspected ulcer due to diabetes but tested negative. Just lack of circulation from overweight and bad diet. Not sure I trust them as it is a med clinic. Want him to go to their family doctor for a physical. I asked them to let me now what that would cost. Anyways, they are supposedly going to show them how to take care of the wound. Sounds like treatment and fresh bandages twice a day for now.

 
sorry dallasd but hey hug your son be thankful you have at least one good diagnosis on him and love him instead of being angry about your exs actions its christmas so choose love today and worry about the other stuff tomorrow take that to the bank brochacho

 
DallasDMac said:
Ranethe said:
Damn. Curious to know how this turns out. Hope he’s ok. How old is he?
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22. Slight mental disability. Not enough to get help or anything. So frustrating that I could have had him covered if only I had known. Instead they chose to hide the lack of insurance from me. Doc says no infection. She suspected ulcer due to diabetes but tested negative. Just lack of circulation from overweight and bad diet. Not sure I trust them as it is a med clinic. Want him to go to their family doctor for a physical. I asked them to let me now what that would cost. Anyways, they are supposedly going to show them how to take care of the wound. Sounds like treatment and fresh bandages twice a day for now.
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First thing tomorrow, find out if there is ANY WAY to get an exemption to get him on your insurance. Can you claim some kind of "life event" or something? Maybe claim that he just moved back in with you? If not...see if you can just get him regular health insurance.

 
My BIL/SIL neighbors apparently had an epic Christmas Eve fight.  They said they heard commotion across the street, saw a Christmas tree flipped over through the window, people exiting with crying children and saying things like "she's crazy".  The lady who lives there is apparently screaming "I never liked any of you anyways" while her husband is pacing back and forth throwing his hands up.  It sounds like a fight between dudes wife and his family.  

 
It's Christmas.     We're all in misery. 

My family is far from perfect but there are not arguments or fighting.  Sad to hear xmas is so difficult for some if you.   

 
[scooter] said:
First thing tomorrow, find out if there is ANY WAY to get an exemption to get him on your insurance. Can you claim some kind of "life event" or something? Maybe claim that he just moved back in with you? If not...see if you can just get him regular health insurance.
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I called my benefits area today and was able to get him on my insurance using "loss of coverage" as a Qualifying Life Event. I miss-typed his age above though. I can cover him for about 20 months, then we might be right back to square one. But, it gives me time to work on it at least. Now I'm much more relaxed for the tornado watch we are under until 2 am tonight. Luckily the sound of the 1 inch hail they are forecasting hitting the house should cover any of the roaring noises the tornadoes may make.

 
I ate a 10mg chocolate truffle of THC right about noontime before everyone came over. Hadn’t gotten high for quite some time, so it was a good one.

Was me, my wife, 2 kids, our 2dogs, my mother, her dog, my wife’s parents, and their dog, my wife’s sister, husband and their 2 kids, and finally 2 longtime family friends came over later for dessert.

My mother is a recovering alcoholic who still drinks. She started off with a martini, then a couple of other Italian bitter fruity drinks, and then had wine at dinner. 

One of my dogs can be a bit aggressive, so we keep him in his kennel when guests come over. My SIL decides to stick her fingers in his kennel right before dinner and gets bit pretty good. Good vibes were immediately killed. Oh and... as we’re treating the wounds over the kitchen sink, FIL got mad because we were in his way while he was cooking the pasta.

Other dogs get in a little tussle at some point. 

And then FIL got mad again when we were having desserts. FIL and other seniors started talking incessantly about ailments and prosthetics. Was kind of a bummer for table conversation  MIL tried to end the discussion, and FIL got mad.

I got to taste some very nice Japanese whiskey that I got for my BIL, and I was high all day long. So it wasn’t too bad. 

Merry christmas!

 
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Tom Skerritt said:
And then FIL got mad again when we were having desserts. FIL and other seniors started talking incessantly about ailments and prosthetics. Was kind of a bummer for table conversation  MIL tried to end the discussion, and FIL got mad.
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Why is this such a senior thing?  Years ago, I remember my mom complaining about some old woman talking incessantly about her surgeries at a party.  Now, she's the one talking about ailments ad nauseam.

 
Keith R said:
Why is this such a senior thing?  Years ago, I remember my mom complaining about some old woman talking incessantly about her surgeries at a party.  Now, she's the one talking about ailments ad nauseam.
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It was funny... I got up and cleared the table because I was tired of the long conversation about dentures (my FIL can talk forever). As I get up, I made eye contact with my MIL, and I know she felt the same way as I did. So I’m off cleaning dishes and MIL is shushing FIL. When I come back to the table, FIL is pissed. Good times!

 
Bears fan with in-laws in GB, in houses full of Packer fans! Couldn’t be too proud, since they will stuff the last bunch of years when their song ‘The Bears Still S-U-C-K!’ applied! 😜

Tanner9919 said:
you used the term Christmas once , and then x-mas the remainder of your story.  :rolleyes: . 
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:nerd hat: The term ‘X-mas’ comes from taking the Greek letter ‘Chi’ (X) of the word “Χρήστος” which translates to ‘Christ.’

Saw that on a channel playing Christmas music this week.

 
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Keith R said:
Why is this such a senior thing?  Years ago, I remember my mom complaining about some old woman talking incessantly about her surgeries at a party.  Now, she's the one talking about ailments ad nauseam.
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Because they have nothing else going on in there life to talk about. 

 
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