I put this in another thread a few days ago, but I just need to type this out some more.
I lost one of my very best friends suddenly in a traffic accident on Saturday. I went over to their house that night and stayed with his wife and three kids for a few hours, just to be there and grieve with them. I've been a puddle of mess ever since. I immediately turned to the bottle to numb my hurt, but have since put that aside to try and cope a little more healthily (is that a word?). But I haven't had an appetite in 5 days now. We had to go out to dinner last night and I tried my best to eat, but I just did little more than move food around my plate. This morning, I had to race to the bathroom and dry heave. The thought of eating repulses me and I know it's not healthy, but I just can't seem to lose this giant anchor in my stomach.
I've been ineffectual at work and can't seem to focus. I'm trying - today I just forced myself to get some tasks done and that was okay, but my mind just keeps racing back to the sudden loss and I start crying. I've lost loved ones before - recently in fact. But my mother's demise was a slow and painful one that took about a year, so it wasn't jarring like this is. After that, I lost my buddy Ed to cancer which was also a slow and brutal illness that turned a 6'4" stallion of a man into something that looked like Junior from The Sopranos.
So I'm guessing this is grief that's wrecking me. Sudden, unexpected grief and the loss of a dear friend way too soon and without warning. Maybe I'll finally lose some weight, though I'd far prefer to be fat and happy right now. My wife wants me to go talk to somebody and I'm sure she's right. But finding somebody seems overwhelming right now. I pull up mental health therapists on my insurance website and it spits out like 84,000 million names. I don't feel like cold calling them to try and get in.
Anyhow.....hug all your kids and loved ones tight. If you have good friends you haven't talked to or seen in a while, call them up. Tell them how much they mean to you. I've made a lot of those calls since Sunday. I'd give anything to turn back time and make just one more call to Fred Scheffler and tell him all of that too.