Went and saw my father yesterday. He was snoozing at a table in the common area. I brought him a hat, so I nudged him awake to ask if he wanted to put it on (dude across the table was slavering over the cap, just knowing it would be his soon). Dad woke up and said he was tired. I said "come on, let's go to your room". I wanted to get him shaved and make sure he brushed his teeth. He shot me a look that used to scare the hell out of me when I was a kid, though he had no idea who I was.I tried the "I'm your father, you listen to me" thing - didn't work.
Cancer can kiss one ###, but dementia is more than welcome to kiss the other cheek. God ####### Damn.
The day/night ended well, though. There was a surprise birthday party for my aunt hosted by another aunt. I saw so many people I haven't seen in forever, including some of my own relatives I've never said two words to prior to last night. My family is odd (or maybe not) in that there are not level generational ages. The aunt who hosted the party is much closer to my age than my mom's. I have cousins that are the same generation as me who could be my kids.
I think, though, the best conversation I had all night was with the sister of one of my best friends from HS. She is my birthday-party-aunt's age. My friend had commited suicide by jumping off of the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. I hadn't talked to his sister since the funeral, and had no idea how angry I was at my friend until I talked to her last night. I was being my usual ######## self, because I know everything , telling her that it wasn't fair that he left his kids that way. She basically slapped me upside the head and said "he had Aspergers, you ###; he was brilliant but stupid; if I couldn't help him, you've got a lot of nerve saying you could."
Sometimes being put in your place helps put things back in perspective. Can't believe how much guilt/anger I've been carrying around for the last 20 years over his death.