Leroy Hoard
Footballguy
They do these things not just because they are stupid, but because they also know it pisses you off.For years, my wife's cousin thought I played "Fancy Football"
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My wife is really smart (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter bostonfred
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Ditkaless Wonders
Footballguy
Would these made up lyrics be a bawdy proposition? If so it sounds like BSR and I may be twin sons of different mothers.
Mrs. BSR
Footballguy
Most likely and you two are probably more alike than you think. lol
Thorn
Footballguy
You buy her that headgear for Christmas or not?
For years, my wife's cousin thought I played "Fancy Football"
"Honey, have you seen my bowtie? I'm late for my fancy football game."
McJose
Footballguy
No, saving that for her birthday.
Thorn
Footballguy
I'll expect pics.
Osaurus
Footballguy
Mrs. Osaurus says this is the winner by farnice.When I was taking a mixed martial arts class, my wife called my gloves "battle mittens"(no respect)
strykerpks
Footballguy
Not my wife but I had to leave the room with this one.
At a family Christmas party this past Saturday, my brother and I were discussing his unemployment and my current job search. My aunt, who is not all there, was trying to offer some sympathy to my brother who has been discouraged since his unemployment has lasted well over a year now. He made a comment that he's at a real low point in his life.
I swear she said "It will be fine. You'll find something soon. It's Murphy's Law. What goes down, comes back up"
At a family Christmas party this past Saturday, my brother and I were discussing his unemployment and my current job search. My aunt, who is not all there, was trying to offer some sympathy to my brother who has been discouraged since his unemployment has lasted well over a year now. He made a comment that he's at a real low point in his life.
I swear she said "It will be fine. You'll find something soon. It's Murphy's Law. What goes down, comes back up"
superbeck1
Footballguy
when all the star wars movies were being done and episode 1 was released they used the roman numeral 1. My wife read that as the letter I and kept referring to the movie as Star Wars: <episodee>.
She still gets mad when the kids put it on and I repeat her title in a darth vader voice......
She still gets mad when the kids put it on and I repeat her title in a darth vader voice......
glock
"Don't grumble, give a whistle!"
Where did all the water go?
Idiot Boxer
Footballguy
She must have dated Murphy.
Sheriff Bart
Footballguy
Knowing Stryker, I would say heavy drinker.
Shakespeare
Footballguy
My wife says 6 dozen of one, half of another.
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BoltThrower
Footballguy
strykerpks
Footballguy
Not really. In fact they don't drink at all, save for a glass of wine here and there.Not sure where I get it from
Shaolin Hangman
Footballguy
Her brain?
nutssfan
Footballguy
I never looked at it close enough to find out, but one day she brings the thing in and says "Well, that was a waste of time! This plant is fake!" It was a convincing fake, but I confirmed it for her and laughed in her face. Since she spent the previous year bragging about how good the stupid thing looked all the time.
FatMax
Member
My wife says "as well as it should be" instead of "as well it should be". Drives me nuts.
Shaolin Hangman
Footballguy
Please convince me that you were not also faked out by this "convincing fake" for a full year given that you didn't speak up before she found out.
Mookie Blaylock
Footballguy
I got into a fender-bender some time back and the kid just drove off. There was no real damage so no big deal. We were on the way to my parents house for Father's Day or something and when we got there she announced to everyone that we were just in a "touch and go."
She's from the states but grew up in Mexico. Says stuff like this all the time.
ETA: She works in architecture and apparently suggested to a client that they "you know, smallerize" some part of the project. She really is very smart. I swear.
She's from the states but grew up in Mexico. Says stuff like this all the time.
ETA: She works in architecture and apparently suggested to a client that they "you know, smallerize" some part of the project. She really is very smart. I swear.
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UOFI_316
Footballguy
My mom had a fake plant that she must have watered for 2-3 years before she figured out it was a fake. She will also forget stuff in the microwave when we go over there for dinner. We will be in the middle of cleaning up the plates and she questions where the corn is, a quick check of the microwave, sure enough there it is all warmed up ready to be eaten.
bostonfred
Footballguy
My college roommate dated a girl who pronounced Chick-Fil-A as "chick full lah". We thought it was funny so we never corrected her and I've been calling it that for years. One day, my wife, who had never been to one before she met me, comments that that was a stupid name and didn't make any sense. I explained the actual pronunciation of Chick Filet, and she just stared at me for a while.
Mr. Know-It-All
Footballguy
My wife uses the term rather in place of either. Drives me nuts. Our oldest son has also picked up this misusage.
Example -
I would like rather cookies or ice cream.
Petty, but it drives me nuts.
Example -
I would like rather cookies or ice cream.
Petty, but it drives me nuts.
Been with my wife for ten years now she is much smarter than I, when we first met she knew very little about sports. Over time we have watched many games together and she has grown somewhat interested specifically in football and became fairly well educated or so I thought. Last weekend we are watching a game and she says "that should be a penalty." I ask her what and she said "dont they need to count to 5 before they go after the QB." Unreal.....
bostonfred
Footballguy
She's so dumb. It's 5 mississippi
Binky The Doormat
Footballguy
Who is the avatar? Quite possibly the dreamiest white professional b-baller I have ever seen and I would like to know more. Great hair.BoltThrower said:
BoltThrower
Footballguy
Retro Andy Varejao
Binky The Doormat
Footballguy
Wow - that really looks like the 70's - so this was a photoshopped to look that way? I have lost touch with the NBA for the most part, looked him up - he can't possibly have that do and stache ...really? no?
BoltThrower
Footballguy
someone photoshopped the whole team with retro hairdos last year. i think i still have the email if you'd like a forward..
Binky The Doormat
Footballguy
Retro Andy Varejao
Wow - that really looks like the 70's - so this was a photoshopped to look that way? I have lost touch with the NBA for the most part, looked him up - he can't possibly have that do and stache ...really? no?
someone photoshopped the whole team with retro hairdos last year. i think i still have the email if you'd like a forward..
Yeah - that would be cool to see - played HS ball in that era against some sizable and bouncy fro's while most of us had shoulder-length hair or close to it.
Wow - that really looks like the 70's - so this was a photoshopped to look that way? I have lost touch with the NBA for the most part, looked him up - he can't possibly have that do and stache ...really? no?
someone photoshopped the whole team with retro hairdos last year. i think i still have the email if you'd like a forward..
Yeah - that would be cool to see - played HS ball in that era against some sizable and bouncy fro's while most of us had shoulder-length hair or close to it.
General Malaise
Footballguy
offdee
Footballguy
Dated a girl in high school...she ended up being our class Valedictorian, 36 ACT score, and graduated Harvard Law. Unbelievably book smart, but completely common sense dumb.
She wanted some hot chocolate but didn't know how to boil water. I said from the living room to just heat it up in a small pan on the stove top. 5 minutes later I walk into the kitchen to see a coffee mug filled with water sitting inside an empty pan with the stove top turned to high.
She wanted some hot chocolate but didn't know how to boil water. I said from the living room to just heat it up in a small pan on the stove top. 5 minutes later I walk into the kitchen to see a coffee mug filled with water sitting inside an empty pan with the stove top turned to high.
General Malaise
Footballguy
bostonfred said:
jplvr
Footballguy
I've probably told this story before on here, but my mother loved that old TV show where contestants guessed the meaning of fake vanity plates. Every time I would be in the car with her, she would fret about one she couldn't figure out until she either figured it out or found something else to focus on.
So one day, later in life, I'm riding in the car with my mom as we stop at a traffic light. Immediately I saw the car tag in front of us and started to think, "Oh no. Please, God... don't let her see this car tag. If you are really out there, you will grant me this wish." Maybe part of the reason I don't believe he is out there is because of this experience, but eventually, what seemed like minutes of prayer ended with my mother's guess at this vanity plate (2DX4ME). "DIXIE FOR ME!!!! DIXIE FOR ME!!!" my mother exclaimed as she bobbed up and down in her car seat with her arms in the air like she was raising the roof. My head was now buried in my hands and my face was the color of a tomato saying under my breath, "Please make it stop, please make it stop," but she continued screaming that over and over. Eventually she got pissed off at me for not participating in the celebration saying, "What?... DIXIE FOR ME!!!! That's what it is. I know it." Knowing this will never end, I finally came up with a response: "Mother, that ain't 'dixie.'" She stared ahead with me still cringing from the experience, "Oh... OHHHHH... dear lord... who would put that on a car tag?" I just shrugged, and we finished the car ride in silence, luckily not far.
So one day, later in life, I'm riding in the car with my mom as we stop at a traffic light. Immediately I saw the car tag in front of us and started to think, "Oh no. Please, God... don't let her see this car tag. If you are really out there, you will grant me this wish." Maybe part of the reason I don't believe he is out there is because of this experience, but eventually, what seemed like minutes of prayer ended with my mother's guess at this vanity plate (2DX4ME). "DIXIE FOR ME!!!! DIXIE FOR ME!!!" my mother exclaimed as she bobbed up and down in her car seat with her arms in the air like she was raising the roof. My head was now buried in my hands and my face was the color of a tomato saying under my breath, "Please make it stop, please make it stop," but she continued screaming that over and over. Eventually she got pissed off at me for not participating in the celebration saying, "What?... DIXIE FOR ME!!!! That's what it is. I know it." Knowing this will never end, I finally came up with a response: "Mother, that ain't 'dixie.'" She stared ahead with me still cringing from the experience, "Oh... OHHHHH... dear lord... who would put that on a car tag?" I just shrugged, and we finished the car ride in silence, luckily not far.
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jplvr
Footballguy
I wouldn't call my sister "bright," but she does have a college degree. She called me one night asking me how to cook pasta. I'm a decent cook, so I'm thinking to myself, "Does she want my marinara recipe?" I delve a little further and find out, IN FACT, she's asking me how to boil water to cook the noodles.Another one: Sister stops by the office one day for lunch as her and my mother are heading to Colorado on a "girls only" ski trip in a couple of days. She grabs her itinerary and sits down at the conference room table as I'm eating said lunch. Staring at the ticket for at least a minute, she finally slides it over to me saying, "Why the hell does it take so long to get back?" Considering the time zone change, there was a 2 hour difference in flight time with equal layovers each way. I just slid it back to her saying, "You'll get it eventually," but by the end of lunch (1 hour), I had to explain. Even better: her boyfriend at the time came over for dinner that night when my mother retold the story for everyone present. Everyone got a good laugh, especially her boyfriend. Pissed off, she said to him, "OK genius, why does it take so long to get back." He proclaimed, "It's the jetstream, dumb###." Thankfully they never bred.
This wins the thread.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Good story, GB.
General Malaise
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
jeep is winning the innernet tonight. funny funny stuff.
jplvr
Footballguy
Thanks GB. That car tag story is my favorite story of all time.This one isn't "as great," but Mom provided another one recently...We watch Family Feud most days at work, during lunch. I don't know why, but I'm damn good at it if we ever get our application approved. Anyway, there was an episode one day where they recapped serveral surveys where a sexual connotation was an answer to the question. There was one I can't remember, mabye 2, but they announced the question for the next one, "Strange things people eat." A nice looking black lady answered, "Genitals," and sure enough, "Ding-a-lings" turned over on the board with that familiar "DING" everyone recognizes from the show. Well, the last example popped up, but they threw a curveball our way. They didn't announce the question, but showed a board with one answer left to be revealed. I can't remember all the answers on the board, but the ones I remeber and the first 3 on the board already revealed were: 1) Elevator 2) Hot Air Balloon 3) Steam. I think there might have been a 2 or 3 more already revealed, but after a slight pause, DING... "Mr. Happy" was revealed to round out the answers. 30 seconds or so passed as the most recent Depends commerical played, or possibly even a diabetes ad... who knows? All of the sudden, my mom looks at me, extremely perplexed, "Things that go up?" I burst out into laughter... her, realizing what just happened, turned red as a beet and starts laughing as well. I really don't know if this translates as well as the other story or stories I've told, but it was BY FAR the hardest I laughed for an extended period of time in my entire life. It got quiet a couple of times, but someone would snort or give out a muffled giggle, and full blown laughter would erupt again.For the record, my mom has her masters. She also, while holding down a 6 figure job as a business owner, decided she wanted to become a full fledged paramedic as a hobby... she was also on the city council of our city at this same exact time as well. She's a pretty smart lady, but can be as ditzy as any of them.
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