Requesting money of others for your kids' activities - cool or not? (1 Viewer)

[ChiefD]

I mean I know the kid well and he's too young to know to "make some sort of effort."

Say what now? A 9 or 10 year old kid is old enough to present himself and ask for a donation.

 

[fruity pebbles]

Is it just for his kid or a link fundraising for the team? Makes a big difference imo. If it’s for the team and kids, whose parents are struggling, get the money raised, it’s cool imo. If it’s just his kid, he’s a tool.

 

[-OZ-]

Really depends who’s asking and circumstances but 95% of the time, no.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

I mean I know the kid well and he's too young to know to "make some sort of effort."

Say what now? A 9 or 10 year old kid is old enough to present himself and ask for a donation.

The girls that sell junk in my neighborhood are 10? And have been swindling me for at least 2 years. They were selling home made slime last time.

 

[Zow]

I mean I know the kid well and he's too young to know to "make some sort of effort."

Say what now? A 9 or 10 year old kid is old enough to present himself and ask for a donation.

I really don't think he'd know to call his "Uncle [Woz]" and hit him up for coin.

 

[Zow]

Results seem pretty conclusive. Would have enjoyed seeing this as a public poll.

Yeah, I'm relieved here that I'm not the socially weird one in this situation. I think I'm going to just not respond.

I almost want to send him a grocery bill or something and ask for a "goal donation" of like $50 or something to help offset the cost of buying my kids the higher quality lunch meat and peanut butter.

 

[nysfl2]

I'd rather give a neighborhood kid $10 straight cash than pay $20 for a crappy tub of popcorn that I don't need

 

[Zow]

Is it just for his kid or a link fundraising for the team? Makes a big difference imo. If it’s for the team and kids, whose parents are struggling, get the money raised, it’s cool imo. If it’s just his kid, he’s a tool.

Respectfully, I literally posted the text message (which seemed like a pre-written, mass text) in an above post but my interpretation is that it's for his team with every kid being given a goal of drumming up $500 in donations.

Honestly, if my buddy had texted or called me separately and said something like, "Hey, we covered [son] but could you possibly help since the team has a lot of players from low income families or single-parent households that won't be able to play without these donations?" I'd happily toss in some coin.

ETA: I've been to some of his games, though not sure if it's literally this team because he plays for several across a few sports. But, again, this is the premier kids' sports teams in a major metro area and they always seem to have top of the line stuff. Honestly, I'm surprised they don't go after and/or haven't gotten like an Easton sponsorship or something.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

I'd rather give a neighborhood kid $10 straight cash than pay $20 for a crappy tub of popcorn that I don't need

this is exactly what I do with the girls in my neighborhood. They’re starting to wise up. In the last negotiation it was more expensive for me not to take some slime. I happily paid the Extortion.

 

[Senor Schmutzig]

Related but unrelated; recently I noticed 2 different cars with messages on the rear window, one was "just married" and the other was something like "21st bday trip" and both had a venmo you could donate to.

Just saw one yesterday “Just divorced, buy me a drink” with her Venmo.

Lame.

 

[gianmarco]

Related but unrelated; recently I noticed 2 different cars with messages on the rear window, one was "just married" and the other was something like "21st bday trip" and both had a venmo you could donate to.

Just saw one yesterday “Just divorced, buy me a drink” with her Venmo.

Lame.

I'm more inclined to give to the one you wrote than the 2 from the one you quoted.

 

[Judge Smails]

I dunno. I'm the guy who gives any kid who's willing to put up a lemonade stand $20 for a dixie cup of sugar water. These activities can get expensive so if buying a chocolate bar or 10, cookies, raffle tickets etc helps them I'm game. Talking local kids, not FBG offspring spread across the globe......

 

[Nugget]

I would hit the single employees at work with the Girl Scout cookies or popcorn sales. If you have kids you have your own expenses to deal with. If asked to buy something I would usually make a cash donation instead. But I want the option to buy something.

 

[ChiefD]

I dunno. I'm the guy who gives any kid who's willing to put up a lemonade stand $20 for a dixie cup of sugar water. These activities can get expensive so if buying a chocolate bar or 10, cookies, raffle tickets etc helps them I'm game. Talking local kids, not FBG offspring spread across the globe......

Yeah, but you'd send a kid to the gas chamber too.

So it evens out.

 

[ChiefD]

I mean I know the kid well and he's too young to know to "make some sort of effort."

Say what now? A 9 or 10 year old kid is old enough to present himself and ask for a donation.

I really don't think he'd know to call his "Uncle [Woz]" and hit him up for coin.

A 9 year old can launch the space shuttle from his phone. I'm pretty sure he could call Uncle Woz.

 

[John123]

I dunno. I'm the guy who gives any kid who's willing to put up a lemonade stand $20 for a dixie cup of sugar water. These activities can get expensive so if buying a chocolate bar or 10, cookies, raffle tickets etc helps them I'm game. Talking local kids, not FBG offspring spread across the globe......

Yeah, but you'd send a kid to the gas chamber too.

So it evens out.

Yeah, but he didn't want to do it. He felt he owed it to them.

 

[Orange&Blue]

if you are below middle class... acceptable. otherwise...nope.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

I don’t think it’s realistic of Woz to think that the kid soliciting money is going to consider the financial and life circumstances of each person he asks for money from. Woz is not obligated to contribute any more than he is obligated to buy Girl Scout cookies from anyone selling them. It’s not up to the asker to decide whether you will donate. It’s up to the potential donor. If I were Woz I wouldn’t contribute but I also wouldn’t be offended or upset like he seems to be.

For what it’s worth I have a much bigger problem with Girl Scout cookies than I do with this. In part because in my mind Girl Scouts should be about things like learning important life lessons, developing social bonds, skill building, etc.

But in my limited experience the massive logistical issues of marketing, selling and delivering thousands of boxes of overpriced cookies to “customers” is a huge detractor from those goals. If Girls Scouts were able to fund their activities with straight cash donations, those girls could be using their scouting time much more productively than standing outside a Starbucks trying to guilt people until buying something that is both ridiculously overpriced and terrible for their health.

This blog presents my views on Girl Scout cookies pretty well

 

[The Z Machine]

I used to get hit up by my cousin for his evangelical missionary white savior trips. Like, "please fund this trip so my wife can have gas money and my kids can eat while I'm away in Africa and not making money."

Nah...

 

[The Z Machine]

But in my limited experience the massive logistical issues of marketing, selling and delivering thousands of boxes of overpriced cookies to “customers” is a huge detractor from those goals. If Girls Scouts were able to fund their activities with straight cash donations, those girls could be using their scouting time much more productively than standing outside a Starbucks trying to guilt people until buying something that is both ridiculously overpriced and terrible for their health.

The logistics and hassle of cookie season is real, but the girls do a lot of activities outside of that time. My daughter has only done it for 1 year and she went camping 3x, horseback riding, and even dog sledding. I didn't have to pay for those activities; they were funded from cookie sales. Not firewood, nor food, nor campsite fees, nor kayak rentals. Heck I don't even own a tent or a sleeping pad and the troop had some to lend out during the camping.

The girls have meetings once every 2 weeks and I think it's helped to build my daughter's enjoyment of the outdoors. She primarily goes to hang out with friends and seems to genuinely like the activities. If we have to deal with 2 months of work to enable that, I'm OK with that. Besides, a good chunk of the sales come from setting up outside the brewery in the neighborhood. The others are through sales at the office, but the best of all is at retirement communities. The girls whose grandparents are in one of those sell hundreds of boxes.

 

[Jobber]

Think about it this way. Someone comes by your cube/office at work and is selling candy bars. $2.00 and it supports your kids team going to nationals. Sounds great, right? Until you think about it and realize that $1.50 of that money is going to some money grubbing corporation that is simply exploiting a kid's team to make money, and $.50 is actually going to the team. And I think I'm being generous with the amounts there. Or, you could give that same kid $2.00 and the entire $2.00 goes to helping the team go to nationals. Which would you consider preferable? Did you REALLY care about that candy bar?

This is why I’m a huge fan of grocery bagging or car washes. Anything that removes the greedy businesses from the equation.

 

[TLEF316]

The situation described (a presumably well-off parent just sending a text looking for $$ for his kid's voluntary activity?)...... Absolutely freaking not. If you can't afford travel for your talented kid's 3 different sports.....cut it down to 2 sports. If I got that text from a friend I would have assumed it was a prank.

Spending a little more than an item I want (girl scout cookies) is probably worth to support an organization with a good social mission? ....Sure.

Spending a token amount of $$ for something I don't really want (some kids around here do popcorn sales.....I mostly hate popcorn)....fine if the kid asks the right way and I'm in a decent mood.

Carwash or straight up small cash donation for something local (high school sports team or band).....maybe. I'm already paying obscenely high school taxes to live in a nice community and as someone with no kids....I dont get anything tangible for that. (although it obviously helps my re-sale value down the road)

 

[Drunken knight]

Who voted yes

I was a yes, admittedly, without reading the entire post (working). I was thinking of it more as a special event or fundraiser.

In high school, I was on a crew team on the west coast. We had an unexpected exceptional season and as it was coming to an end our coach presented the idea of trying to get out to Boston for a regatta on the Charles (we performed well again college teams: Berkeley and Stanford), we were trying to raise funds but didn't quite have the time to do it. While i do not love asking for cash (prefer to provide a service or goods), i would not be offended if asked. We may never know the full circumstances for the direct ask.

I believe, at least in terms of the example I provided, that I provided full circumstances. Is there any other significant relevant information that you believe is missing?

Finally able to read the OP. I think it is marginally acceptable. It is much more common to provide a good or service. It is also fine to decline.

I think it is ok to ask for contributions to kids' activities...and also ok to say no.

 

[bigbottom]

I have one rule for fundraising that I've told our family, neighbors, etc.....

The child in question has to come to me (in person or phone call) and explain the fundraiser and ask me for the money. I always pay, but they need to learn from the experience. In my opinion.

This is me too. I had my kids do that because they are the recipient and should do the work (within reason). I hated when people would put the "buy this thing" sign up sheet in the break room at work asking for people to sign themselves up. I never gave for those events (only exception was the candy bar for a couple bucks box - if I wanted a candy bar I would buy one but I saw that more as a vending machine).

I also hated the concept of my kid asking you for money and your kid asking me for money. With some better friends I just made the agreement that I wouldn't ask them if they didn't ask me and it worked just fine.

As far as fundraising just asking straight up for money it depends on what it is for. For example, we are trying to raise money for a new scoreboard. That I can understand. It's a tangible thing that you are fundraising for. Please support the program in their attempt to buy a new scoreboard. Any donation is good and tax deductible. That is fine to me. Asking for cash to support travel ball team XYZ with no specific goal, activity, product seems a bit off. I rarely contribute for those kind of things.

ETA: I voted no but I think I fall more on the "it depends" side of things. Like I said above, if it is for something specific (scoreboard, uniforms for school team, new dugouts) I would be willing to. If it's for a team trip (travel ball especially) then I likely wouldn't. Travel ball is a different situation to me than high school team. Travel ball should be self funded. You are choosing to do that separately and should pay what it costs. Selling Super Bowl squares or raffle tickets for a cord of wood or something like that is fine for travel ball. Straight money grab no. High School team fundraising for team things (uniforms, field improvements, etc) I would be more willing because that is more of an investment in the community. So my answer is "depends".

So your post sparked me to go back in my texts and look at the texts. It simply says, "Hello, this is [name of buddy's kid] from the [name of traveling baseball team]. I am raising money for our upcoming season. Please click [link] to help me reach my goal of $500."

So, yeah, it seems very much like the bold. I also know of this team and that it's a big deal and it's undoubtedly expensive and probably does go to uniforms, equipment, and travel costs but, and I say this as a guy who played every sport under the sun as a kid and my parents spent probably way more on them than I ever realized, isn't it kind of on the parents who choose to have their respective kid play on this expensive travel team pay for it??

I think what mostly bothers me is that my buddy knows I got four kids of my own and I'm "doing my part" by paying for them and I really shouldn't be expected to directly support other people's kids (as I've never asked them to support mine).

What remains interesting to me here is that if the donation just came with some sort of ****ty food product I'm oddly good with it.

Did you click the link in the text? If so, where did it take you? A gofundme page, a team website? Was it for the family specifically, or was it for the team as a whole?

 

[thecatch]

I don’t think it’s realistic of Woz to think that the kid soliciting money is going to consider the financial and life circumstances of each person he asks for money from. Woz is not obligated to contribute any more than he is obligated to buy Girl Scout cookies from anyone selling them. It’s not up to the asker to decide whether you will donate. It’s up to the potential donor. If I were Woz I wouldn’t contribute but I also wouldn’t be offended or upset like he seems to be.

For what it’s worth I have a much bigger problem with Girl Scout cookies than I do with this. In part because in my mind Girl Scouts should be about things like learning important life lessons, developing social bonds, skill building, etc.

But in my limited experience the massive logistical issues of marketing, selling and delivering thousands of boxes of overpriced cookies to “customers” is a huge detractor from those goals. If Girls Scouts were able to fund their activities with straight cash donations, those girls could be using their scouting time much more productively than standing outside a Starbucks trying to guilt people until buying something that is both ridiculously overpriced and terrible for their health.

This blog presents my views on Girl Scout cookies pretty well

Counterpoint: the cookies are delicious.

 

[Zow]

I have one rule for fundraising that I've told our family, neighbors, etc.....

The child in question has to come to me (in person or phone call) and explain the fundraiser and ask me for the money. I always pay, but they need to learn from the experience. In my opinion.

This is me too. I had my kids do that because they are the recipient and should do the work (within reason). I hated when people would put the "buy this thing" sign up sheet in the break room at work asking for people to sign themselves up. I never gave for those events (only exception was the candy bar for a couple bucks box - if I wanted a candy bar I would buy one but I saw that more as a vending machine).

I also hated the concept of my kid asking you for money and your kid asking me for money. With some better friends I just made the agreement that I wouldn't ask them if they didn't ask me and it worked just fine.

As far as fundraising just asking straight up for money it depends on what it is for. For example, we are trying to raise money for a new scoreboard. That I can understand. It's a tangible thing that you are fundraising for. Please support the program in their attempt to buy a new scoreboard. Any donation is good and tax deductible. That is fine to me. Asking for cash to support travel ball team XYZ with no specific goal, activity, product seems a bit off. I rarely contribute for those kind of things.

ETA: I voted no but I think I fall more on the "it depends" side of things. Like I said above, if it is for something specific (scoreboard, uniforms for school team, new dugouts) I would be willing to. If it's for a team trip (travel ball especially) then I likely wouldn't. Travel ball is a different situation to me than high school team. Travel ball should be self funded. You are choosing to do that separately and should pay what it costs. Selling Super Bowl squares or raffle tickets for a cord of wood or something like that is fine for travel ball. Straight money grab no. High School team fundraising for team things (uniforms, field improvements, etc) I would be more willing because that is more of an investment in the community. So my answer is "depends".

So your post sparked me to go back in my texts and look at the texts. It simply says, "Hello, this is [name of buddy's kid] from the [name of traveling baseball team]. I am raising money for our upcoming season. Please click [link] to help me reach my goal of $500."

So, yeah, it seems very much like the bold. I also know of this team and that it's a big deal and it's undoubtedly expensive and probably does go to uniforms, equipment, and travel costs but, and I say this as a guy who played every sport under the sun as a kid and my parents spent probably way more on them than I ever realized, isn't it kind of on the parents who choose to have their respective kid play on this expensive travel team pay for it??

I think what mostly bothers me is that my buddy knows I got four kids of my own and I'm "doing my part" by paying for them and I really shouldn't be expected to directly support other people's kids (as I've never asked them to support mine).

What remains interesting to me here is that if the donation just came with some sort of ****ty food product I'm oddly good with it.

Did you click the link in the text? If so, where did it take you? A gofundme page, a team website? Was it for the family specifically, or was it for the team as a whole?

It takes me to a buynowcc.com website for the team. I believe buynowcc is similar to gofundme. Based on the language on the page it appears to be for the team as a whole (which, again, is a premier club baseball team for the "good" players in the area).

And for those wondering, yes, there is a suggested tip to add of 20% to cover the cost of the fees to the website.

 

[Zow]

I don’t think it’s realistic of Woz to think that the kid soliciting money is going to consider the financial and life circumstances of each person he asks for money from. Woz is not obligated to contribute any more than he is obligated to buy Girl Scout cookies from anyone selling them. It’s not up to the asker to decide whether you will donate. It’s up to the potential donor. If I were Woz I wouldn’t contribute but I also wouldn’t be offended or upset like he seems to be.

For what it’s worth I have a much bigger problem with Girl Scout cookies than I do with this. In part because in my mind Girl Scouts should be about things like learning important life lessons, developing social bonds, skill building, etc.

But in my limited experience the massive logistical issues of marketing, selling and delivering thousands of boxes of overpriced cookies to “customers” is a huge detractor from those goals. If Girls Scouts were able to fund their activities with straight cash donations, those girls could be using their scouting time much more productively than standing outside a Starbucks trying to guilt people until buying something that is both ridiculously overpriced and terrible for their health.

This blog presents my views on Girl Scout cookies pretty well

To be clear, this is a very little deal to me and I merely gave it a furrowed brow when I received the text with the link. I thought it was weird but didn't get like mad or anything. Honestly, the "what's normal" threads in the FFA reminded me of the text and got me thinking about it.

 

[Zow]

I dunno. I'm the guy who gives any kid who's willing to put up a lemonade stand $20 for a dixie cup of sugar water. These activities can get expensive so if buying a chocolate bar or 10, cookies, raffle tickets etc helps them I'm game. Talking local kids, not FBG offspring spread across the globe......

Yeah, but you'd send a kid to the gas chamber too.

So it evens out.

Yeah, but he didn't want to do it. He felt he owed it to them.

Dammit beat me to it.

 

[Kanil]

My kid's old school had a thing where they were trying to put on a fundraiser. The three options were something to the effect of...

I'd like to:
___ Volunteer my time for the fundraiser
___ Buy XYZ fundraising item
___ Send you $__ now and you'll leave me alone

 

[Cowboysfan8]

a kids came to my house and asked for a donation I'd probably give them a few bucks. If a parent emailed or texted I'd probably just ignore it

This imo

 

[DJackson10]

I'm sure those of us that have played sports or done extracurriculars (e.g. music, model UN or whatever) or are parents of kids who do them know how expensive they can be and will oftentimes require some sort of fundraising to do something special like a trip or a tournament or something. In my personal experience, this is usually selling some sort of ****ty pizzas or, years ago, we'd get that catalog thing and try to sell items from there. I suppose the "classic" example of this is girl scout cookies. Recently, I've purchased a number of the fundraiser discount cards where local businesses will offer some deal for the year upon presenting the card (some of these actually work out well as there are business I frequent on there). Regardless, while probably annoying to most (especially to those without kids), there seemed to be something decently socially acceptable about hitting up friends, family, and sometimes near strangers for money because they get something in return (even though they probably would never buy the item itself or at that inflated price in the first place). I know I've bought my fair share in the several offices I've worked at in my career and have, once or twice, solicited the same. So, okay, no issue.

Recently though I got a text from a close friend and longtime softball buddy of mine with a link to a fundraiser for his kid. I've known his kid since he was a baby and, over the last couple of years, the kid has really exceled at sports and is on several premier kids' teams in the Phoenix area for baseball, football, and basketball and they travel all over for it. It's honestly pretty impressive and I'm totally happy to support him. That said, I think I'd feel the same if he were doing music, chess club, etc.

Here's the thing though: when I opened the link and was fully prepared to buy whatever random item it was to support the fundraiser, I realized there was no such item(s) and it was just a straight cash grab. My immediate reaction was to be almost offended because my friend knows I have four kids of my own, our families are probably in the same or a similar tax bracket, and it just seemed odd to me for one adult to ask another to just straight pay for his kid's stuff. I thought about it and recalled a couple times I've gotten this request over the last several years but I was just able to ignore them pretty easily (e.g. some guy I barely knew that did crossfit with me hitting me up for money for his kid's music instrument and lessons, receiving a group email about some former coworker's kid traveling somewhere for some club and needing money, etc.). Here, though, this is a good friend of mine and I feel obligated to respond at some point.

With all the above said, is this now a normal thing and I'm the ******* for thinking that the social contract here requires that in exchange for my money I get some item I probably don't even really want in return? Or, is my buddy the ******* for hitting me up to help him pay for his one of two kids when he knows I have four myself? For those of you without kids how would you react to this?

I'd do a poll here but apparently I cannot figure out the new format.

ETA: I figured out the poll.

Dads best friend son played ice hockey locally in NJ for yrs travel teams etc. not once did they ever ask my family for money. If the team was fundraising for a huge tournament for cost of travel, hotel, etc for kids and parents and coaches ok. But just to fund one individual player? No that’s on you. You chose that life. Either tKs the risk and spend the $$$ on it or tell your kid no. Sometimes these kids need to learn a hard lesson of life isn’t fair. I know it’d suck for the kid but if you can’t afford it you can’t afford it.

It’s like my one boss complaining about putting his kids through college as a single dad but constantly buys his daughter chick fil a and other stuff. The bill runs him close 60-70 some night on nights out to eat sometimes more. His sister is the one with a 6 figure salary and spoils his kids enough. Sometimes no is a word some parents don’t understand can and should be used

Not saying your friends kid is entitled here more so your friend should realize if he can afford something or not before he says yes too it

 

[Fat Nick]

Most of the posts here sum it up - not just straight cash to the parents. Fund raiser, some sort of kid interaction, or other extenuating circumstances. Parents need to understand the financial commitment when they sign kids up for things and not guilt-trip others into funding their kids activities after the fact.

 

[Da Guru]

I'm sure those of us that have played sports or done extracurriculars (e.g. music, model UN or whatever) or are parents of kids who do them know how expensive they can be and will oftentimes require some sort of fundraising to do something special like a trip or a tournament or something. In my personal experience, this is usually selling some sort of ****ty pizzas or, years ago, we'd get that catalog thing and try to sell items from there. I suppose the "classic" example of this is girl scout cookies. Recently, I've purchased a number of the fundraiser discount cards where local businesses will offer some deal for the year upon presenting the card (some of these actually work out well as there are business I frequent on there). Regardless, while probably annoying to most (especially to those without kids), there seemed to be something decently socially acceptable about hitting up friends, family, and sometimes near strangers for money because they get something in return (even though they probably would never buy the item itself or at that inflated price in the first place). I know I've bought my fair share in the several offices I've worked at in my career and have, once or twice, solicited the same. So, okay, no issue.

Recently though I got a text from a close friend and longtime softball buddy of mine with a link to a fundraiser for his kid. I've known his kid since he was a baby and, over the last couple of years, the kid has really exceled at sports and is on several premier kids' teams in the Phoenix area for baseball, football, and basketball and they travel all over for it. It's honestly pretty impressive and I'm totally happy to support him. That said, I think I'd feel the same if he were doing music, chess club, etc.

Here's the thing though: when I opened the link and was fully prepared to buy whatever random item it was to support the fundraiser, I realized there was no such item(s) and it was just a straight cash grab. My immediate reaction was to be almost offended because my friend knows I have four kids of my own, our families are probably in the same or a similar tax bracket, and it just seemed odd to me for one adult to ask another to just straight pay for his kid's stuff. I thought about it and recalled a couple times I've gotten this request over the last several years but I was just able to ignore them pretty easily (e.g. some guy I barely knew that did crossfit with me hitting me up for money for his kid's music instrument and lessons, receiving a group email about some former coworker's kid traveling somewhere for some club and needing money, etc.). Here, though, this is a good friend of mine and I feel obligated to respond at some point.

With all the above said, is this now a normal thing and I'm the ******* for thinking that the social contract here requires that in exchange for my money I get some item I probably don't even really want in return? Or, is my buddy the ******* for hitting me up to help him pay for his one of two kids when he knows I have four myself? For those of you without kids how would you react to this?

I'd do a poll here but apparently I cannot figure out the new format.

ETA: I figured out the poll.

A old friend of mine I grew up with started a "Go Fund Me" page because he wanted his son to play HS hockey at a private prep school in the Boston area known for hockey. Said he could not afford the 35K a year tuition. I thought it was a joke at first. Goal was 20K, after 2 months he had around 500 bucks total.

 

[Zow]

I'm sure those of us that have played sports or done extracurriculars (e.g. music, model UN or whatever) or are parents of kids who do them know how expensive they can be and will oftentimes require some sort of fundraising to do something special like a trip or a tournament or something. In my personal experience, this is usually selling some sort of ****ty pizzas or, years ago, we'd get that catalog thing and try to sell items from there. I suppose the "classic" example of this is girl scout cookies. Recently, I've purchased a number of the fundraiser discount cards where local businesses will offer some deal for the year upon presenting the card (some of these actually work out well as there are business I frequent on there). Regardless, while probably annoying to most (especially to those without kids), there seemed to be something decently socially acceptable about hitting up friends, family, and sometimes near strangers for money because they get something in return (even though they probably would never buy the item itself or at that inflated price in the first place). I know I've bought my fair share in the several offices I've worked at in my career and have, once or twice, solicited the same. So, okay, no issue.

Recently though I got a text from a close friend and longtime softball buddy of mine with a link to a fundraiser for his kid. I've known his kid since he was a baby and, over the last couple of years, the kid has really exceled at sports and is on several premier kids' teams in the Phoenix area for baseball, football, and basketball and they travel all over for it. It's honestly pretty impressive and I'm totally happy to support him. That said, I think I'd feel the same if he were doing music, chess club, etc.

Here's the thing though: when I opened the link and was fully prepared to buy whatever random item it was to support the fundraiser, I realized there was no such item(s) and it was just a straight cash grab. My immediate reaction was to be almost offended because my friend knows I have four kids of my own, our families are probably in the same or a similar tax bracket, and it just seemed odd to me for one adult to ask another to just straight pay for his kid's stuff. I thought about it and recalled a couple times I've gotten this request over the last several years but I was just able to ignore them pretty easily (e.g. some guy I barely knew that did crossfit with me hitting me up for money for his kid's music instrument and lessons, receiving a group email about some former coworker's kid traveling somewhere for some club and needing money, etc.). Here, though, this is a good friend of mine and I feel obligated to respond at some point.

With all the above said, is this now a normal thing and I'm the ******* for thinking that the social contract here requires that in exchange for my money I get some item I probably don't even really want in return? Or, is my buddy the ******* for hitting me up to help him pay for his one of two kids when he knows I have four myself? For those of you without kids how would you react to this?

I'd do a poll here but apparently I cannot figure out the new format.

ETA: I figured out the poll.

A old friend of mine I grew up with started a "Go Fund Me" page because he wanted his son to play HS hockey at a private prep school in the Boston area known for hockey. Said he could not afford the 35K a year tuition. I thought it was a joke at first. Goal was 20K, after 2 months he had around 500 bucks total.

Yeah... those are just myopic requests in my opinion. I mean, as a dad myself, I get it - you want your best for your kid and you want to make it happen no matter what. I suppose sometimes that goal clouds one's ability to see just how inappropriate a request may be of others as a means to get there.

 

[MTskibum]

I don’t think it’s realistic of Woz to think that the kid soliciting money is going to consider the financial and life circumstances of each person he asks for money from. Woz is not obligated to contribute any more than he is obligated to buy Girl Scout cookies from anyone selling them. It’s not up to the asker to decide whether you will donate. It’s up to the potential donor. If I were Woz I wouldn’t contribute but I also wouldn’t be offended or upset like he seems to be.

For what it’s worth I have a much bigger problem with Girl Scout cookies than I do with this. In part because in my mind Girl Scouts should be about things like learning important life lessons, developing social bonds, skill building, etc.

But in my limited experience the massive logistical issues of marketing, selling and delivering thousands of boxes of overpriced cookies to “customers” is a huge detractor from those goals. If Girls Scouts were able to fund their activities with straight cash donations, those girls could be using their scouting time much more productively than standing outside a Starbucks trying to guilt people until buying something that is both ridiculously overpriced and terrible for their health.

This blog presents my views on Girl Scout cookies pretty well

My daughter does girl scouts, the cookie portion of it is such a minor deal. My daughter spent hardly any time on selling cookies, everything was coordinated by my wife.

Although we did not sell very many boxes either, maybe 20?

 

[Da Guru]

I'm sure those of us that have played sports or done extracurriculars (e.g. music, model UN or whatever) or are parents of kids who do them know how expensive they can be and will oftentimes require some sort of fundraising to do something special like a trip or a tournament or something. In my personal experience, this is usually selling some sort of ****ty pizzas or, years ago, we'd get that catalog thing and try to sell items from there. I suppose the "classic" example of this is girl scout cookies. Recently, I've purchased a number of the fundraiser discount cards where local businesses will offer some deal for the year upon presenting the card (some of these actually work out well as there are business I frequent on there). Regardless, while probably annoying to most (especially to those without kids), there seemed to be something decently socially acceptable about hitting up friends, family, and sometimes near strangers for money because they get something in return (even though they probably would never buy the item itself or at that inflated price in the first place). I know I've bought my fair share in the several offices I've worked at in my career and have, once or twice, solicited the same. So, okay, no issue.

Recently though I got a text from a close friend and longtime softball buddy of mine with a link to a fundraiser for his kid. I've known his kid since he was a baby and, over the last couple of years, the kid has really exceled at sports and is on several premier kids' teams in the Phoenix area for baseball, football, and basketball and they travel all over for it. It's honestly pretty impressive and I'm totally happy to support him. That said, I think I'd feel the same if he were doing music, chess club, etc.

Here's the thing though: when I opened the link and was fully prepared to buy whatever random item it was to support the fundraiser, I realized there was no such item(s) and it was just a straight cash grab. My immediate reaction was to be almost offended because my friend knows I have four kids of my own, our families are probably in the same or a similar tax bracket, and it just seemed odd to me for one adult to ask another to just straight pay for his kid's stuff. I thought about it and recalled a couple times I've gotten this request over the last several years but I was just able to ignore them pretty easily (e.g. some guy I barely knew that did crossfit with me hitting me up for money for his kid's music instrument and lessons, receiving a group email about some former coworker's kid traveling somewhere for some club and needing money, etc.). Here, though, this is a good friend of mine and I feel obligated to respond at some point.

With all the above said, is this now a normal thing and I'm the ******* for thinking that the social contract here requires that in exchange for my money I get some item I probably don't even really want in return? Or, is my buddy the ******* for hitting me up to help him pay for his one of two kids when he knows I have four myself? For those of you without kids how would you react to this?

I'd do a poll here but apparently I cannot figure out the new format.

ETA: I figured out the poll.

A old friend of mine I grew up with started a "Go Fund Me" page because he wanted his son to play HS hockey at a private prep school in the Boston area known for hockey. Said he could not afford the 35K a year tuition. I thought it was a joke at first. Goal was 20K, after 2 months he had around 500 bucks total.

Yeah... those are just myopic requests in my opinion. I mean, as a dad myself, I get it - you want your best for your kid and you want to make it happen no matter what. I suppose sometimes that goal clouds one's ability to see just how inappropriate a request may be of others as a means to get there.

It was quite the talk with our friend circle. They guy makes good money, drives nice cars and lives in a nice home. 35K a year plus expenses and travel for HS is high but he is not struggling at all financially otherwise. Just thought it was ballsy to even ask for donations.

 

[massraider]

I don't think too much of someone who starts a GoFundMe for a prep school, but hey, shoot your shot. I won't get offended if you won't get offended if I ignore it. \

I also don't think too much of teaching life lessons to other people's kids who are raising money for football jerseys. Get over yourself.

 

[bigbottom]

I'm sure those of us that have played sports or done extracurriculars (e.g. music, model UN or whatever) or are parents of kids who do them know how expensive they can be and will oftentimes require some sort of fundraising to do something special like a trip or a tournament or something. In my personal experience, this is usually selling some sort of ****ty pizzas or, years ago, we'd get that catalog thing and try to sell items from there. I suppose the "classic" example of this is girl scout cookies. Recently, I've purchased a number of the fundraiser discount cards where local businesses will offer some deal for the year upon presenting the card (some of these actually work out well as there are business I frequent on there). Regardless, while probably annoying to most (especially to those without kids), there seemed to be something decently socially acceptable about hitting up friends, family, and sometimes near strangers for money because they get something in return (even though they probably would never buy the item itself or at that inflated price in the first place). I know I've bought my fair share in the several offices I've worked at in my career and have, once or twice, solicited the same. So, okay, no issue.

Recently though I got a text from a close friend and longtime softball buddy of mine with a link to a fundraiser for his kid. I've known his kid since he was a baby and, over the last couple of years, the kid has really exceled at sports and is on several premier kids' teams in the Phoenix area for baseball, football, and basketball and they travel all over for it. It's honestly pretty impressive and I'm totally happy to support him. That said, I think I'd feel the same if he were doing music, chess club, etc.

Here's the thing though: when I opened the link and was fully prepared to buy whatever random item it was to support the fundraiser, I realized there was no such item(s) and it was just a straight cash grab. My immediate reaction was to be almost offended because my friend knows I have four kids of my own, our families are probably in the same or a similar tax bracket, and it just seemed odd to me for one adult to ask another to just straight pay for his kid's stuff. I thought about it and recalled a couple times I've gotten this request over the last several years but I was just able to ignore them pretty easily (e.g. some guy I barely knew that did crossfit with me hitting me up for money for his kid's music instrument and lessons, receiving a group email about some former coworker's kid traveling somewhere for some club and needing money, etc.). Here, though, this is a good friend of mine and I feel obligated to respond at some point.

With all the above said, is this now a normal thing and I'm the ******* for thinking that the social contract here requires that in exchange for my money I get some item I probably don't even really want in return? Or, is my buddy the ******* for hitting me up to help him pay for his one of two kids when he knows I have four myself? For those of you without kids how would you react to this?

I'd do a poll here but apparently I cannot figure out the new format.

ETA: I figured out the poll.

Dads best friend son played ice hockey locally in NJ for yrs travel teams etc. not once did they ever ask my family for money. If the team was fundraising for a huge tournament for cost of travel, hotel, etc for kids and parents and coaches ok. But just to fund one individual player? No that’s on you. You chose that life. Either tKs the risk and spend the $$$ on it or tell your kid no. Sometimes these kids need to learn a hard lesson of life isn’t fair. I know it’d suck for the kid but if you can’t afford it you can’t afford it.

It’s like my one boss complaining about putting his kids through college as a single dad but constantly buys his daughter chick fil a and other stuff. The bill runs him close 60-70 some night on nights out to eat sometimes more. His sister is the one with a 6 figure salary and spoils his kids enough. Sometimes no is a word some parents don’t understand can and should be used

Not saying your friends kid is entitled here more so your friend should realize if he can afford something or not before he says yes too it

The link in the text from Zow's buddy takes you to a team fundraising page, so it appears that this is a team fundraiser, rather than fundraising for an individual player.

 

[belljr]

Oh I missed

I'm sure those of us that have played sports or done extracurriculars (e.g. music, model UN or whatever) or are parents of kids who do them know how expensive they can be and will oftentimes require some sort of fundraising to do something special like a trip or a tournament or something. In my personal experience, this is usually selling some sort of ****ty pizzas or, years ago, we'd get that catalog thing and try to sell items from there. I suppose the "classic" example of this is girl scout cookies. Recently, I've purchased a number of the fundraiser discount cards where local businesses will offer some deal for the year upon presenting the card (some of these actually work out well as there are business I frequent on there). Regardless, while probably annoying to most (especially to those without kids), there seemed to be something decently socially acceptable about hitting up friends, family, and sometimes near strangers for money because they get something in return (even though they probably would never buy the item itself or at that inflated price in the first place). I know I've bought my fair share in the several offices I've worked at in my career and have, once or twice, solicited the same. So, okay, no issue.

Recently though I got a text from a close friend and longtime softball buddy of mine with a link to a fundraiser for his kid. I've known his kid since he was a baby and, over the last couple of years, the kid has really exceled at sports and is on several premier kids' teams in the Phoenix area for baseball, football, and basketball and they travel all over for it. It's honestly pretty impressive and I'm totally happy to support him. That said, I think I'd feel the same if he were doing music, chess club, etc.

Here's the thing though: when I opened the link and was fully prepared to buy whatever random item it was to support the fundraiser, I realized there was no such item(s) and it was just a straight cash grab. My immediate reaction was to be almost offended because my friend knows I have four kids of my own, our families are probably in the same or a similar tax bracket, and it just seemed odd to me for one adult to ask another to just straight pay for his kid's stuff. I thought about it and recalled a couple times I've gotten this request over the last several years but I was just able to ignore them pretty easily (e.g. some guy I barely knew that did crossfit with me hitting me up for money for his kid's music instrument and lessons, receiving a group email about some former coworker's kid traveling somewhere for some club and needing money, etc.). Here, though, this is a good friend of mine and I feel obligated to respond at some point.

With all the above said, is this now a normal thing and I'm the ******* for thinking that the social contract here requires that in exchange for my money I get some item I probably don't even really want in return? Or, is my buddy the ******* for hitting me up to help him pay for his one of two kids when he knows I have four myself? For those of you without kids how would you react to this?

I'd do a poll here but apparently I cannot figure out the new format.

ETA: I figured out the poll.

Dads best friend son played ice hockey locally in NJ for yrs travel teams etc. not once did they ever ask my family for money. If the team was fundraising for a huge tournament for cost of travel, hotel, etc for kids and parents and coaches ok. But just to fund one individual player? No that’s on you. You chose that life. Either tKs the risk and spend the $$$ on it or tell your kid no. Sometimes these kids need to learn a hard lesson of life isn’t fair. I know it’d suck for the kid but if you can’t afford it you can’t afford it.

It’s like my one boss complaining about putting his kids through college as a single dad but constantly buys his daughter chick fil a and other stuff. The bill runs him close 60-70 some night on nights out to eat sometimes more. His sister is the one with a 6 figure salary and spoils his kids enough. Sometimes no is a word some parents don’t understand can and should be used

Not saying your friends kid is entitled here more so your friend should realize if he can afford something or not before he says yes too it

The link in the text from Zow's buddy takes you to a team fundraising page, so it appears that this is a team fundraiser, rather than fundraising for an individual player.

Actually I missed this part of the post. I have less problem with a team link asking for money. I thought it was kid specific.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

The kid needs to make some sort of effort.

Eh, in this case the kid is like 9 or 10 and leaves a couple of hours away. I suppose the only real shark move here is for my friend to call me and then put the kid on - I'm likely straight donating then.

I'm not sure how teaching a kid to panhandle is really a good move.

 

[CGRdrJoe]

I am a Yes voter; my kid and I just did this exact type of deal a few months ago. Why did I send it out? Welp the first time through I gave him the phone numbers and he got 0 responses, so I sent a follow up to a few friends and they never even read the text in question because it came from a number not in their contacts. My kid plays college lacrosse and yes, it's a club sport at his school so it's by choice and we are financially responsible...blah blah blah... so I pay on average $4500 a year for travel/expenses. That said, they won their division and qualified for D2 Nationals which meant each kid needed to come up with aprox. another $1500 each to help the club pay all expenses (air, hotel, food, rental). They kind of had an idea they were good enough to go and have been doing fundraisers (dine and donate/working at a warehouse) for a few months leading up but with a month to go they were coming nowhere near raising that kind of money.

At that point the team asked us to solicit from friends and family which we did and after a few weeks we were able to secure the amount of money needed. I let them know they would be donating through the college's website directly and that they would get the tax id needed for a tax write off which seemed to loosen some pockets. I may have had a drink or two before submitting mine (half his needed amount) and in the notes put "for my kid so he plays sports and doesn't **** off"

 

[nirad3]

The kid needs to make some sort of effort.

Eh, in this case the kid is like 9 or 10 and leaves a couple of hours away. I suppose the only real shark move here is for my friend to call me and then put the kid on - I'm likely straight donating then.

I'm not sure how teaching a kid to panhandle is really a good move.

Your definition of "panhandle" certainly differs from mine, and I suspect most here. But OK.

 

[Snoopy]

I don't think too much of someone who starts a GoFundMe for a prep school, but hey, shoot your shot. I won't get offended if you won't get offended if I ignore it. \

I also don't think too much of teaching life lessons to other people's kids who are raising money for football jerseys. Get over yourself.

When I went to school, fooball players had to buy a home and away jersey with their name on it. Then it changed the policy to the team providing nameless jerseys for use on game days with the option of students being able to purchase named jerseys for their own time, i.e. not for game use.

 

[bigbottom]

I am a Yes voter; my kid and I just did this exact type of deal a few months ago. Why did I send it out? Welp the first time through I gave him the phone numbers and he got 0 responses, so I sent a follow up to a few friends and they never even read the text in question because it came from a number not in their contacts. My kid plays college lacrosse and yes, it's a club sport at his school so it's by choice and we are financially responsible...blah blah blah... so I pay on average $4500 a year for travel/expenses. That said, they won their division and qualified for D2 Nationals which meant each kid needed to come up with aprox. another $1500 each to help the club pay all expenses (air, hotel, food, rental). They kind of had an idea they were good enough to go and have been doing fundraisers (dine and donate/working at a warehouse) for a few months leading up but with a month to go they were coming nowhere near raising that kind of money.

At that point the team asked us to solicit from friends and family which we did and after a few weeks we were able to secure the amount of money needed. I let them know they would be donating through the college's website directly and that they would get the tax id needed for a tax write off which seemed to loosen some pockets. I may have had a drink or two before submitting mine (half his needed amount) and in the notes put "for my kid so he plays sports and doesn't **** off"

I'm curious, did you experience any negativity from any of the friends you reached out to? Did any decline, and if so what was your reaction?

 

[CGRdrJoe]

I am a Yes voter; my kid and I just did this exact type of deal a few months ago. Why did I send it out? Welp the first time through I gave him the phone numbers and he got 0 responses, so I sent a follow up to a few friends and they never even read the text in question because it came from a number not in their contacts. My kid plays college lacrosse and yes, it's a club sport at his school so it's by choice and we are financially responsible...blah blah blah... so I pay on average $4500 a year for travel/expenses. That said, they won their division and qualified for D2 Nationals which meant each kid needed to come up with aprox. another $1500 each to help the club pay all expenses (air, hotel, food, rental). They kind of had an idea they were good enough to go and have been doing fundraisers (dine and donate/working at a warehouse) for a few months leading up but with a month to go they were coming nowhere near raising that kind of money.

At that point the team asked us to solicit from friends and family which we did and after a few weeks we were able to secure the amount of money needed. I let them know they would be donating through the college's website directly and that they would get the tax id needed for a tax write off which seemed to loosen some pockets. I may have had a drink or two before submitting mine (half his needed amount) and in the notes put "for my kid so he plays sports and doesn't **** off"

I'm curious, did you experience any negativity from any of the friends you reached out to? Did any decline, and if so what was your reaction?

I didn't get one negative thing but I specifically targeted those that were following along to his year with my instagram/facebook posts and who were liking/replying to them. I didn't send it out to people who I knew wouldn't give a rats *** about it, I know my friends and family pretty well and already had an idea of who would/wouldn't donate.

 

[CletiusMaximus]

Who voted yes

The question is whether it is socially acceptable. It seems like it is not only socially acceptable but commonplace based on the discussion here.

I would probably ignore it.

If its for a cause like my friend doing the JDRF walk every year, we'll give some money. If a kid comes to my door selling some crappy popcorn or candy for his sports team, we'll probably buy some. Something like this for a sports team? Highly unlikely I'm going to contribute.

I think the harder question is the co-worker doing the 150 mile bike ride for MS or similar. Yeah, there is a worthy charitable cause there but most of the donation is probably going to defray my co-worker's cost in participating in the ride. Its a fun event for him. If you want to do a two day bike ride with your friends that includes an overnight stay, swag support and meals, pay the $400 yourself and I'll just donate separately if I want to support MS research (of course, I always end up paying something.)

 

[massraider]

I don't think too much of someone who starts a GoFundMe for a prep school, but hey, shoot your shot. I won't get offended if you won't get offended if I ignore it. \

I also don't think too much of teaching life lessons to other people's kids who are raising money for football jerseys. Get over yourself.

When I went to school, fooball players had to buy a home and away jersey with their name on it. Then it changed the policy to the team providing nameless jerseys for use on game days with the option of students being able to purchase named jerseys for their own time, i.e. not for game use.

My Pop Warner team staked out supermarkets wearing our jerseys, cans in hand.

I figure a mass text/Facebook post/email is less intrusive than having to walk slowly by some 12 year olds, refusing to give them spare change.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

The kid needs to make some sort of effort.

Eh, in this case the kid is like 9 or 10 and leaves a couple of hours away. I suppose the only real shark move here is for my friend to call me and then put the kid on - I'm likely straight donating then.

I'm not sure how teaching a kid to panhandle is really a good move.

Your definition of "panhandle" certainly differs from mine, and I suspect most here. But OK.

Just because it's not face to face doesn't really make it not panhandling. It's just asking for money because... nothing.

Charity fun runs and stuff like that don't bother me at all.

 

[nirad3]

The kid needs to make some sort of effort.

Eh, in this case the kid is like 9 or 10 and leaves a couple of hours away. I suppose the only real shark move here is for my friend to call me and then put the kid on - I'm likely straight donating then.

I'm not sure how teaching a kid to panhandle is really a good move.

Your definition of "panhandle" certainly differs from mine, and I suspect most here. But OK.

Just because it's not face to face doesn't really make it not panhandling. It's just asking for money because... nothing.

Alright if you say so.