What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.

Shtick You Use in Real Life (1 Viewer)

(HULK) said:
I need to upgrade my dad schtick.  My kids are 10 and 8 and getting past me saying "chicken butt" every time they say "guess what?"

I did getting them the other day when they were talking about our neighbor's new golden doodle puppy.  They know I want our next dog to be a poodle mix due to the anti-shedding stuff (I'm constantly fighting dog hair from our lab, it's outrageous).  Anyways, I told them that I'd been thinking about a Pekingese and Poodle mix and asked what they thought about that.  They immediate took the bait and said, "What's that called".  As deadpan as possible I said, "Oh, you know, that's a PeePoo."  They laughed for a good minute and then tried to come up with their own scatological dog mix breeds for maybe 20 minutes.

Anyways, bathroom humor is currently a homerun with them, so any related schtick appropriate for girls there age, I'd love to hear/steal it.
Click to expand...
My kids loved the scatalogical knock knock jokes.  "Eat mop" was a favorite.  

 
Nothing new about this one, but once in a long while at work I bust this one out.  I may have originally read the idea on here a while back.

When I get on to the elevator with a friend and there's other people on there, just walk straight in and face backwards until you get to your floor.   Don't say anything or act like it's unusual.  Watching people try to make "wtf?" faces to each other but without you seeing it (when you're looking right at all of them) -- small things like this get me through the day.  

 
gianmarco said:
Someone from work whose number I have but don't regularly speak to outside of work sent me a text the other day. It said "hi". I knew it was obviously a mistake since she isn't someone with some grand sense of humor, so I just texted back "hi" and after a few minutes got the expected "oh sorry, that was meant for someone else".
Click to expand...
I think you may have missed an opportunity here. 

 
Bruce Dickinson said:
Oh.  Hell.  Yes.  

When a few friends and I went skydiving when we were 19-20, we all got a "First Jump Certificate" from the provider who taught us and guided us.  From a distance it looks like a diploma.  I might have to get it framed after reading this shtick.  
Click to expand...
Gonna have to do that with my perfect pour cert from the Guinness brewery!

 
gianmarco said:
Someone from work whose number I have but don't regularly speak to outside of work sent me a text the other day. It said "hi". I knew it was obviously a mistake since she isn't someone with some grand sense of humor, so I just texted back "hi" and after a few minutes got the expected "oh sorry, that was meant for someone else".

Except I thought it was actually brilliant. So that day I started randomly texting some friends "hi" and nothing else. 

I started getting responses like "hey man, what's up?" or "Hey, did you need something?"

I didn't respond to any of them. But I laughed.
Click to expand...
:kicksrock:  didn't get a text...

 
gianmarco said:
OMFG

I just came across this and I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. 

:lmao:   :lmao:
Click to expand...
I used to do this as a teen with my friend each using 3 way calling. So much easier these days not having to try to time the calls!

The best was to do this with 2 businesses that are very close to each other in hopes that they would end up arguing in the street.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
TheFanatic said:
Gonna have to do that with my perfect pour cert from the Guinness brewery!
Click to expand...


Kanil said:
OMG yes.  This is going up in my office.
Click to expand...
I couldn't find mine but did find my friend's.  I think I'm going to hang it up in my office.  It's even better because he's got a very ethnic name and I'm your average blonde haired, blue eyed, white dude.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Been trying out the "exaggerated office tasks with a flourish" shtick lately.

- extra loud pounding on the keyboard (doing this right now as I type this out actually)

- rustle papers louder and louder as I shuffle them around my desk

- mutter to myself as I look at reports 

- shut the desk drawers louder than normal

- get up and rush into the warehouse for something a couple times a day

 
ChiefD said:
Been trying out the "exaggerated office tasks with a flourish" shtick lately.

- extra loud pounding on the keyboard (doing this right now as I type this out actually)

- rustle papers louder and louder as I shuffle them around my desk

- mutter to myself as I look at reports 

- shut the desk drawers louder than normal

- get up and rush into the warehouse for something a couple times a day
Click to expand...
Not sure I would go this route at work. :shrug:

 
gianmarco said:
Someone from work whose number I have but don't regularly speak to outside of work sent me a text the other day. It said "hi". I knew it was obviously a mistake since she isn't someone with some grand sense of humor, so I just texted back "hi" and after a few minutes got the expected "oh sorry, that was meant for someone else".

Except I thought it was actually brilliant. So that day I started randomly texting some friends "hi" and nothing else. 

I started getting responses like "hey man, what's up?" or "Hey, did you need something?"

I didn't respond to any of them. But I laughed.
Click to expand...
LOL, ###

 
My son is getting his braces off in two weeks, my daughter (12) gets hers put on two days later. I have her convinced we're saving $500 by having the materials removed from his mouth recycled for use in hers. She's flipping out. Told her I'd give her $50 to share the savings, didn't help.

 
(HULK) said:
I need to upgrade my dad schtick.  My kids are 10 and 8 and getting past me saying "chicken butt" every time they say "guess what?"

I did getting them the other day when they were talking about our neighbor's new golden doodle puppy.  They know I want our next dog to be a poodle mix due to the anti-shedding stuff (I'm constantly fighting dog hair from our lab, it's outrageous).  Anyways, I told them that I'd been thinking about a Pekingese and Poodle mix and asked what they thought about that.  They immediate took the bait and said, "What's that called".  As deadpan as possible I said, "Oh, you know, that's a PeePoo."  They laughed for a good minute and then tried to come up with their own scatological dog mix breeds for maybe 20 minutes.

Anyways, bathroom humor is currently a homerun with them, so any related schtick appropriate for girls there age, I'd love to hear/steal it.
Click to expand...
- I like randomly sending Mr Blue Sky via “airplay” to whatever TV that’s playing Paw Patrol.  My boys love the interruption in the form of the 70s classic.

I enjoy calling people chief and boss.

 
Oh man, the Vegas talk reminded me of a good one

a few years ago went to a bachelor party in Vegas and for shtick a buddy and I did a pic with one of the buskers who was wearing a cowboy hat and that Borat bathing suit...he did a high leg kick so hope that helps with the visual 

fast forward a few years later and we do a secret Santa gift exchange (usually shtick gifts).  One of them is a framed photo of above pic.  So we all laugh but later on slip it into one of the frames of the hosts gallery wall.  I get a group text like 3 weeks later when his kids finally spotted it and asked what that picture was doing there

 
whiskey7 said:
Speaking of elevators, I have not used this one in a while but I was fond of (in a crowded elevator) turning to one of the people I was with and asking "Have the doctors been able to do anything about that rash?"

ETA: full disclosure, I jacked that from somewhere years ago. Movie or TV show or something. Used it a bunch over the years but cant take credit for the idea.
Click to expand...
Big fan of inappropriate conversation within earshot of passerby shtick. A girl i knew in college did this inadvertantly one time when she told me she had a dream about banging two dudes at once.

 
Good Posting Judge said:
Big fan of inappropriate conversation within earshot of passerby shtick.
Click to expand...
We call these, "Madeline Albright" moments in our house.  The name stems from when we were at a store with a couple of friends.  My wife picked up a dress and says, "oh my god, this dress is hideous.  It looks like something Madeline Albright would wear".  She didn't notice the lady literally 2 feet from her scoping the dress out.  The lady gave my wife a dirty look and then put the dress back and walked off.  She's got many more of these as she's not the most aware of her surroundings and has zero filter.

 
Kanil said:
We call these, "Madeline Albright" moments in our house.  The name stems from when we were at a store with a couple of friends.  My wife picked up a dress and says, "oh my god, this dress is hideous.  It looks like something Madeline Albright would wear".  She didn't notice the lady literally 2 feet from her scoping the dress out.  The lady gave my wife a dirty look and then put the dress back and walked off.  She's got many more of these as she's not the most aware of her surroundings and has zero filter.
Click to expand...
My wife took our boys to Taco Bell some years ago. There were mini billiard balls in a vending machine and bought one for each of the boys. After eating, the boys were playing with the balls and my wife said to them, "C'mon, pick up your balls and let's go." It took her awhile to figure out why two random dudes were laughing hysterically.

 
Tom Servo said:
My wife took our boys to Taco Bell some years ago. There were mini billiard balls in a vending machine and bought one for each of the boys. After eating, the boys were playing with the balls and my wife said to them, "C'mon, pick up your balls and let's go." It took her awhile to figure out why two random dudes were laughing hysterically.
Click to expand...
Lol, that might be my new shtick when trying to get my kid to go somewhere.

 
I work in a small office. We get maybe 1-2 generic Christmas cards from a manufacturer. OTOH, every year we get an envelope with two sample Christmas cards in it.

I took those Christmas cards and taped them to a filing cabinet to make it look like we got a couple.

 
Tom Servo said:
I work in a small office. We get maybe 1-2 generic Christmas cards from a manufacturer. OTOH, every year we get an envelope with two sample Christmas cards in it.

I took those Christmas cards and taped them to a filing cabinet to make it look like we got a couple.
Click to expand...
My wife got me a picture frame at the knick-knack store, and had a photo printed of our daughter at her dance recital and gave them both to me for my office, but she didn't put the photo in the frame.  I tacked the photo on the wall above my computer and put the frame with the stock photo in it in a different spot, and I tell anyone that asks "oh that's my brother's family" when they ask who it is.  

 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Chadstroma
Sportsmanship- A nice thing or real value?
Replies
36
Views
838
stbugs
S
Ministry of Pain
Christmas Gifts under $250...what are you wanting and what are you buying for others?
2
Replies
60
Views
2K
mr. furley
mr. furley
DJackson10
Looking for a new laptop
Replies
11
Views
579
MTskibum
MTskibum

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 2 (members: 0, guests: 2)
Top