The “I want to retire soon” thread (2 Viewers)

[belljr]

As someone who parents peak earnings as a family was 80k a year and that was after working for 35 years at a county job my parents had no clue on any of this.

I have done pretty ok for myself considering in the retirement stuff. I wished i invested in things but didnt have a huge income when I was younger, especially after paying my way through school. We just didnt have the income. When I did have some money i personally don't know enough to invest in real estate or rental property and it sounds like a nightmare.

My son I had a quick talk with but he married a financial girl he met in college (that's her job) so I don't worry too much about their finances.

My daughter is a freshman in college and still hasn't learned (outside what they taught her in school) - she understands the basics but I need to sit down and talk with her about at least saving and 401k retirment

 

[JohnnyU]

People just don’t understand how ridiculously expensive everything is in the Bay Area. I fought and fought for 25 years to keep my financial head above water, making a pretty decent living…..for almost anywhere else in the country.

After 5 years there, we left a situation splitting a modest 2 BR apartment with another couple where they got the master, so our share was "only" $2400/mo, and with a brief stop in Chicago for my wife's grad school (where we had a solo apartment around the same size as the 2 BR for $1600/mo), we ended up in Dallas, where we have a comparatively giant house for a mortgage of only $3400/mo (incl prop tax). That doesnt even include that we get a yard, we have a garage and no longer pay for parking, and our utilities are all cheaper.

Bay Area cost of living is absolutely bonkers.

For those in California, I would take whatever equity you have and move to another state upon retirement. Cali is just too expensive. Your money will buy more elsewhere.

 

[mr. furley]

You pay $200 a month for car registration?

Yeah I should modify that one. We have 3 cars, two on the newer side, and an older classic. Probably more like $125 on average.

ETA: I can probably trim the gas amount too since we won't need to commute anymore.

Don you mean insurance? I know this is off topic. I pay $200 a year for registration for 3 cars. I'm just fascinated by this lol

yeah, we're at like $14 a month for annual car registration

 

[matttyl]

If you teach your kids anything at all about finances, it should be simply the power of compounding interest.
I'll never forget my 5th grade teacher telling the class that if someone started investing $2,000 at age 20 and saved $2,000/year for 10 years and then stopped, they would be a millionaire at 65 years old. Trying to explain to 11-12 year old guru that $20,000 = $1,000,000 was very hard to process :headexplode:

One should note that to get to $1M by age 65 would require slightly higher than a 10% rate of return, in a 401K or other non-taxable vehicle. Granted, the stock market has averaged around 10% between 1980 and 2021, but that's not a guarantee. At a more modest 7%, the total at age 65 would be $315K.

The point is that money + time can equal a whole lot of money. Said another way, the most powerful dollar you ever earn is your first one.

 

[JohnnyU]

If you teach your kids anything at all about finances, it should be simply the power of compounding interest.
I'll never forget my 5th grade teacher telling the class that if someone started investing $2,000 at age 20 and saved $2,000/year for 10 years and then stopped, they would be a millionaire at 65 years old. Trying to explain to 11-12 year old guru that $20,000 = $1,000,000 was very hard to process :headexplode:

One should note that to get to $1M by age 65 would require slightly higher than a 10% rate of return, in a 401K or other non-taxable vehicle. Granted, the stock market has averaged around 10% between 1980 and 2021, but that's not a guarantee. At a more modest 7%, the total at age 65 would be $315K.

The point is that money + time can equal a whole lot of money. Said another way, the most powerful dollar you ever earn is your first one.

Unless you spend it on your kids at the checkout line on candy.

 

[jamny]

My parents had no grasp on financial matters and it really came back to bite them later on, especially my Mom when my Dad died at 60. She lived to 78.
I'm thankful for my wife, who is a CFO now. I was an f-up in my early 20's and once we got married, I put all finances in her hands. 30 years later, I'll be 60 this year and we could retire if we wanted. Sold our NY house in 2021 and downsized to a one bedroom condo in Boise, paid in cash. We might look to get something a little bigger eventually but could also stay where we are until we go to some senior living place. I'll continue to do voiceovers until I can't speak anymore and my wife would be happy to get a bookkeeper job eventually, as long as it's work from home. We travelled extensively for 30+ years so there aren't many places we need to see. Besides, we love it here so much we rarely want to leave.
And yes...no kids definitely helped.

 

[tri-man 47]

My parents had no grasp on financial matters and it really came back to bite them later on, especially my Mom when my Dad died at 60. She lived to 78.
I'm thankful for my wife, who is a CFO now. I was an f-up in my early 20's and once we got married, I put all finances in her hands. 30 years later, I'll be 60 this year and we could retire if we wanted. Sold our NY house in 2021 and downsized to a one bedroom condo in Boise, paid in cash. We might look to get something a little bigger eventually but could also stay where we are until we go to some senior living place. I'll continue to do voiceovers until I can't speak anymore and my wife would be happy to get a bookkeeper job eventually, as long as it's work from home. We travelled extensively for 30+ years so there aren't many places we need to see. Besides, we love it here so much we rarely want to leave.
And yes...no kids definitely helped.

Just a thought for her: Maybe she'd fine satisfaction teaching as an adjunct for an accounting/finance course or two at a local college or university. It can be a little tough getting into the rhythm of teaching at first, but other faculty are typically very open to sharing syllabi, teaching cases, tips on class management, etc.

 

[jamny]

My parents had no grasp on financial matters and it really came back to bite them later on, especially my Mom when my Dad died at 60. She lived to 78.
I'm thankful for my wife, who is a CFO now. I was an f-up in my early 20's and once we got married, I put all finances in her hands. 30 years later, I'll be 60 this year and we could retire if we wanted. Sold our NY house in 2021 and downsized to a one bedroom condo in Boise, paid in cash. We might look to get something a little bigger eventually but could also stay where we are until we go to some senior living place. I'll continue to do voiceovers until I can't speak anymore and my wife would be happy to get a bookkeeper job eventually, as long as it's work from home. We travelled extensively for 30+ years so there aren't many places we need to see. Besides, we love it here so much we rarely want to leave.
And yes...no kids definitely helped.

Just a thought for her: Maybe she'd fine satisfaction teaching as an adjunct for an accounting/finance course or two at a local college or university. It can be a little tough getting into the rhythm of teaching at first, but other faculty are typically very open to sharing syllabi, teaching cases, tips on class management, etc.

Appreciate it but no way. She wants nothing to do with people. She would be totally content just to work doing some bookkeeping at home for a few hours a day so we have the rest of the day to ourselves.

 

[Judge Smails]

People just don’t understand how ridiculously expensive everything is in the Bay Area. I fought and fought for 25 years to keep my financial head above water, making a pretty decent living…..for almost anywhere else in the country.

After 5 years there, we left a situation splitting a modest 2 BR apartment with another couple where they got the master, so our share was "only" $2400/mo, and with a brief stop in Chicago for my wife's grad school (where we had a solo apartment around the same size as the 2 BR for $1600/mo), we ended up in Dallas, where we have a comparatively giant house for a mortgage of only $3400/mo (incl prop tax). That doesnt even include that we get a yard, we have a garage and no longer pay for parking, and our utilities are all cheaper.

Bay Area cost of living is absolutely bonkers.

For those in California, I would take whatever equity you have and move to another state upon retirement. Cali is just too expensive. Your money will buy more elsewhere.

Except our property tax situation is very good if we stay

 

[SFBayDuck]

People just don’t understand how ridiculously expensive everything is in the Bay Area. I fought and fought for 25 years to keep my financial head above water, making a pretty decent living…..for almost anywhere else in the country.

After 5 years there, we left a situation splitting a modest 2 BR apartment with another couple where they got the master, so our share was "only" $2400/mo, and with a brief stop in Chicago for my wife's grad school (where we had a solo apartment around the same size as the 2 BR for $1600/mo), we ended up in Dallas, where we have a comparatively giant house for a mortgage of only $3400/mo (incl prop tax). That doesnt even include that we get a yard, we have a garage and no longer pay for parking, and our utilities are all cheaper.

Bay Area cost of living is absolutely bonkers.

For those in California, I would take whatever equity you have and move to another state upon retirement. Cali is just too expensive. Your money will buy more elsewhere.

Didn’t have equity in CA, but went from paying $3,400 a month rent for our 1,300 square foot house in Marin (which was a steal for there) to paying $2,600 a month for mortgage/insurance/taxes/PMI for our 1,700 sq ft home in Eugene. And I have built up some decent equity already in under three years.

And almost everything else is cheaper here - gas, car insurance, groceries, no sales tax, etc. I think the only thing more expensive is hard alcohol since we can’t buy it at Costco here.

 

[⚡DEADHEAD⚡]

People just don’t understand how ridiculously expensive everything is in the Bay Area. I fought and fought for 25 years to keep my financial head above water, making a pretty decent living…..for almost anywhere else in the country.

After 5 years there, we left a situation splitting a modest 2 BR apartment with another couple where they got the master, so our share was "only" $2400/mo, and with a brief stop in Chicago for my wife's grad school (where we had a solo apartment around the same size as the 2 BR for $1600/mo), we ended up in Dallas, where we have a comparatively giant house for a mortgage of only $3400/mo (incl prop tax). That doesnt even include that we get a yard, we have a garage and no longer pay for parking, and our utilities are all cheaper.

Bay Area cost of living is absolutely bonkers.

For those in California, I would take whatever equity you have and move to another state upon retirement. Cali is just too expensive. Your money will buy more elsewhere.

Didn’t have equity in CA, but went from paying $3,400 a month rent for our 1,300 square foot house in Marin (which was a steal for there) to paying $2,600 a month for mortgage/insurance/taxes/PMI for our 1,700 sq ft home in Eugene. And I have built up some decent equity already in under three years.

And almost everything else is cheaper here - gas, car insurance, groceries, no sales tax, etc. I think the only thing more expensive is hard alcohol since we can’t buy it at Costco here.

Exactly the kind of town I'd like to retire in. Bend, Boise, etc. All the places that don't want Californians.

 

[SFBayDuck]

People just don’t understand how ridiculously expensive everything is in the Bay Area. I fought and fought for 25 years to keep my financial head above water, making a pretty decent living…..for almost anywhere else in the country.

After 5 years there, we left a situation splitting a modest 2 BR apartment with another couple where they got the master, so our share was "only" $2400/mo, and with a brief stop in Chicago for my wife's grad school (where we had a solo apartment around the same size as the 2 BR for $1600/mo), we ended up in Dallas, where we have a comparatively giant house for a mortgage of only $3400/mo (incl prop tax). That doesnt even include that we get a yard, we have a garage and no longer pay for parking, and our utilities are all cheaper.

Bay Area cost of living is absolutely bonkers.

For those in California, I would take whatever equity you have and move to another state upon retirement. Cali is just too expensive. Your money will buy more elsewhere.

Didn’t have equity in CA, but went from paying $3,400 a month rent for our 1,300 square foot house in Marin (which was a steal for there) to paying $2,600 a month for mortgage/insurance/taxes/PMI for our 1,700 sq ft home in Eugene. And I have built up some decent equity already in under three years.

And almost everything else is cheaper here - gas, car insurance, groceries, no sales tax, etc. I think the only thing more expensive is hard alcohol since we can’t buy it at Costco here.

Exactly the kind of town I'd like to retire in. Bend, Boise, etc. All the places that don't want Californians.

Yeah here and Bend were the two places we considered.

And I grew up in Portland and went to college here in Eugene, so I was grandfathered in

 

[matttyl]

If you teach your kids anything at all about finances, it should be simply the power of compounding interest.
I'll never forget my 5th grade teacher telling the class that if someone started investing $2,000 at age 20 and saved $2,000/year for 10 years and then stopped, they would be a millionaire at 65 years old. Trying to explain to 11-12 year old guru that $20,000 = $1,000,000 was very hard to process :headexplode:

One should note that to get to $1M by age 65 would require slightly higher than a 10% rate of return, in a 401K or other non-taxable vehicle. Granted, the stock market has averaged around 10% between 1980 and 2021, but that's not a guarantee. At a more modest 7%, the total at age 65 would be $315K.

The point is that money + time can equal a whole lot of money. Said another way, the most powerful dollar you ever earn is your first one.

Unless you spend it on your kids at the checkout line on candy.

If you’re spending the first dollar you ever earn on your kids, you’re doing a lot of things wrong in life.

 

[JohnnyU]

If you teach your kids anything at all about finances, it should be simply the power of compounding interest.
I'll never forget my 5th grade teacher telling the class that if someone started investing $2,000 at age 20 and saved $2,000/year for 10 years and then stopped, they would be a millionaire at 65 years old. Trying to explain to 11-12 year old guru that $20,000 = $1,000,000 was very hard to process :headexplode:

One should note that to get to $1M by age 65 would require slightly higher than a 10% rate of return, in a 401K or other non-taxable vehicle. Granted, the stock market has averaged around 10% between 1980 and 2021, but that's not a guarantee. At a more modest 7%, the total at age 65 would be $315K.

The point is that money + time can equal a whole lot of money. Said another way, the most powerful dollar you ever earn is your first one.

Unless you spend it on your kids at the checkout line on candy.

If you’re spending the first dollar you ever earn on your kids, you’re doing a lot of things wrong in life.

Diapers?

 

[matttyl]

If you teach your kids anything at all about finances, it should be simply the power of compounding interest.
I'll never forget my 5th grade teacher telling the class that if someone started investing $2,000 at age 20 and saved $2,000/year for 10 years and then stopped, they would be a millionaire at 65 years old. Trying to explain to 11-12 year old guru that $20,000 = $1,000,000 was very hard to process :headexplode:

One should note that to get to $1M by age 65 would require slightly higher than a 10% rate of return, in a 401K or other non-taxable vehicle. Granted, the stock market has averaged around 10% between 1980 and 2021, but that's not a guarantee. At a more modest 7%, the total at age 65 would be $315K.

The point is that money + time can equal a whole lot of money. Said another way, the most powerful dollar you ever earn is your first one.

Unless you spend it on your kids at the checkout line on candy.

If you’re spending the first dollar you ever earn on your kids, you’re doing a lot of things wrong in life.

Diapers?

I think you’re missing what I’m saying. When you’re a kid and you have your first job (maybe in high school). That dollar has the most potential impact to your retirement due to the time it potentially has.

 

[JohnnyU]

If you teach your kids anything at all about finances, it should be simply the power of compounding interest.
I'll never forget my 5th grade teacher telling the class that if someone started investing $2,000 at age 20 and saved $2,000/year for 10 years and then stopped, they would be a millionaire at 65 years old. Trying to explain to 11-12 year old guru that $20,000 = $1,000,000 was very hard to process :headexplode:

One should note that to get to $1M by age 65 would require slightly higher than a 10% rate of return, in a 401K or other non-taxable vehicle. Granted, the stock market has averaged around 10% between 1980 and 2021, but that's not a guarantee. At a more modest 7%, the total at age 65 would be $315K.

The point is that money + time can equal a whole lot of money. Said another way, the most powerful dollar you ever earn is your first one.

Unless you spend it on your kids at the checkout line on candy.

If you’re spending the first dollar you ever earn on your kids, you’re doing a lot of things wrong in life.

Diapers?

I think you’re missing what I’m saying. When you’re a kid and you have your first job (maybe in high school). That dollar has the most potential impact to your retirement due to the time it potentially has.

I know what you’re saying. My first response was a bad attempt at humor. I wish I had invested 5K on Microsoft and Apple when they first went public.

 

[tri-man 47]

Work Benefits for Married Couples​

Each married person is entitled to their social security benefits based on their own work record and is available to file for when the age of 62 is reached, though waiting beyond early retirement can increase the amount of the social security benefit. Also, a married couple is eligible to collect benefits up to 50% of their spouse, whichever is greater. This is a great help if one spouse is a much higher earner and is known as a “spousal benefit.”

Regarding this spousal benefit, which prompted me to look at the SSA site and a few others:
I've been well aware of the survivor benefit. My wife and I are the same age (both 68 1/2, and just a month apart). She started drawing her lower SS a handful of years ago, in part with the knowledge that, if I die first, she can use the survivor benefit and switch over to my higher amount. That's a recommended move.

But what I missed, if I understand it right: When I retire and start drawing SS *, she can claim the spousal benefit and draw an amount that's half of my benefit. Yes?? Half of my amount will exceed her current SS draw by a few hundred dollars/month or more, so that would be very desirable.

*I was planning to start my draw around the end of 2024 when I retire (accounting professor). But a nearby university that I like and respect found out about my free agent status and is working to bring me in for a full-time, visiting instructor position for a year. Perfect! That would allow me to push back my SS start date to around age 70 (gawd, that sounds/is old!). But if my understanding is correct, we get the double benefit of (a) me drawing SS, and (b) she drawing a slightly higher SS using the spousal benefit (=half my rate). Yes??

 

[Desert_Power]

$15K/month is not only healthy, it is upper middle class. The MEDIAN household income is less than half of this amount,

Obviously targeted at my post. FWIW, to me “healthy” means being able to do the things we want. Much like being physically healthy, at the risk of sounding elitist, the median person isn’t healthy.

brought to you by my 15 year old asking me "why don't schools teach us useful stuff like taxes and how to budget? or how to pay for a house and stuff? why should i have to take 2 years of French and choir when i'd rather take home ec but they won't let me?"

NOBODY KNOWS, KIDDO.

Nobody takes choir unless they want to, around here anyway.
Obviously not all parents are capable but it really falls on parents to teach life skills.

I’ve considered starting a “life skills / community help” group around here. Get a diverse group of adults willing to teach kids life skills. The stuff they don’t teach in schools. Maybe that’s my retirement calling.

for sure it falls to parents/grandparents, etc. to teach it but we never learned it as kids. my parents didn't know anything about retirement. they're barely HS graduates. blue collar without any people around them who worked with finances, etc. to teach them either.

the internet changes things a bit now. there's more info, but there's SO MUCH MISINFORMATION that it's almost worse.

i had the luck of having some older co-workers years ago that more or less forced me to start saving/investing in a 401k. i didn't have a clue about any of it 25 years ago. in the interim i've learned a bit but clearly not enough.. so i can pass along what i've learned and what i understand but is that... 5% of what they need to know? 70%? it's not 100, i know that.


people my age who i know are doing well also happen to be the children of professional parents (doctors, lawyers, etc.). money begets money. those of my peers that are well situated had things like well-funded investment accounts when they turned 18. inheritance from grandparents. parents who paid their tuition, etc. they grew up around money and had parents who had professional financial assistance.. they could afford to have someone help them understand how to manage their money and that trickles down.

i'm trying to learn and pass on to my kids what i have but it's not much. looking back at my younger days i should have bought rental property, invested more, but preoccupation with eating and not being homeless ate up all that investable income and then some. so my time was not filled with reading up on 401k's, Roth IRA's, pensions, etc.


something like a "life skills" course targeted at HS kids would be FANTASTIC. most kids aren't going to spend time outside of school taking those courses, though, imo. it would have to be part of the school curriculum. they're already there 8 hours a day. the rest is taken up by homework, sports, jobs as they get older. instead of another required course like a foreign language, or higher level math that many won't use, they should have access to real-life education like money management courses as you're suggesting.

maybe that exists... somewhere? but it's not here.

If you teach your kids anything at all about finances, it should be simply the power of compounding interest.
I'll never forget my 5th grade teacher telling the class that if someone started investing $2,000 at age 20 and saved $2,000/year for 10 years and then stopped, they would be a millionaire at 65 years old. Trying to explain to 11-12 year old guru that $20,000 = $1,000,000 was very hard to process :headexplode:

Yeah. I remember distinctly being around the same age hearing Dave Ramsey do similar math on a video. Game-changing

 

[supermike80]

Work Benefits for Married Couples​

Each married person is entitled to their social security benefits based on their own work record and is available to file for when the age of 62 is reached, though waiting beyond early retirement can increase the amount of the social security benefit. Also, a married couple is eligible to collect benefits up to 50% of their spouse, whichever is greater. This is a great help if one spouse is a much higher earner and is known as a “spousal benefit.”

Regarding this spousal benefit, which prompted me to look at the SSA site and a few others:
I've been well aware of the survivor benefit. My wife and I are the same age (both 68 1/2, and just a month apart). She started drawing her lower SS a handful of years ago, in part with the knowledge that, if I die first, she can use the survivor benefit and switch over to my higher amount. That's a recommended move.

But what I missed, if I understand it right: When I retire and start drawing SS *, she can claim the spousal benefit and draw an amount that's half of my benefit. Yes?? Half of my amount will exceed her current SS draw by a few hundred dollars/month or more, so that would be very desirable.

*I was planning to start my draw around the end of 2024 when I retire (accounting professor). But a nearby university that I like and respect found out about my free agent status and is working to bring me in for a full-time, visiting instructor position for a year. Perfect! That would allow me to push back my SS start date to around age 70 (gawd, that sounds/is old!). But if my understanding is correct, we get the double benefit of (a) me drawing SS, and (b) she drawing a slightly higher SS using the spousal benefit (=half my rate). Yes??

Funny. Cause after I saw some of the stuff posted I fell upon this as well. It sure looks like this is true, which I didn't know as well. Doesn't effect my wife and I as she worked for 35_+ years and has a decent SS payout coming, but that is a nice benefit for those with one spouse with a lower SS amount

 

[-OZ-]

But what I missed, if I understand it right: When I retire and start drawing SS *, she can claim the spousal benefit and draw an amount that's half of my benefit. Yes?? Half of my amount will exceed her current SS draw by a few hundred dollars/month or more, so that would be very desirable.

An often missed nuance - the spouse gets half the rate at “full retirement age”. Meaning the spouse doesn’t receive more if you wait to 70 vs you taking at 67. Assuming current rules stay in place. But if you claim early, the spiral rate is also reduced.

 

[Yo Mama]

This has been a great thread and has really ramped up my thinking/planning for my own retirement.

I’m currently in a good spot with a decent 401k that is set up to eventually cover about ~50% of my protected expenses that SS and a smallish pension won’t cover. I’m planning on retiring in about 8-10 years depending on the following goals:

1) Mortgage - is due to be paid off in about 10 years, but could be done sooner depending on goal 2. We locked in a nice low rate a few years back, so I know it’s not necessarily desirable to pay off early, but it would be great peace of mind for me to not have to worry about when I retire. I guess I could always use the additional amounts to fund goal 2 instead of paying off the mortgage earlier.

2) Kids’ student loans - We’ve got 2 kids currently in private undergrad for the next couple years. Ugh. I definitely want to help have these paid off before I retire, but would love to be done in 5 or so years with the help of some investments.

I feel like if I could have both of those taken care of, I’d be in a great spot to retire and that will drive the timing of when I eventually take the plunge. Also could impact my ability to do a pre-retirement where I scale down my job level for the last couple years.


Anyways, I’ve been starting to search out good podcast/youtube channels on retirement planning. I know there were some suggestions earlier but couldn’t find them over the past few pages. Any recommendations for good listens/watches?

 

[SFBayDuck]

Anyways, I’ve been starting to search out good podcast/youtube channels on retirement planning. I know there were some suggestions earlier but couldn’t find them over the past few pages. Any recommendations for good listens/watches?

I posted the below in the Personal Finance Thread. Since then I've added to the mix Risk Parity Radio (pounding through this one from the start in 2019 because I'm still not sure what to think of his approach), Catching up to FI, Jill on Money, and The Long View.

Have listened to these focused on retirement, markets, and investing for some time:

• Retirement Answer Man (another good one for those asking about withdrawal strategies)
• Money for the Rest of Us
• Animal Spirits
• Ask the Compound
• Compound and Friends
• Baron's Streetwise

I've been searching for some new ones focused on Financial Independence and Retirement in the past month or two.
So far I've liked:

• ChooseFi
• Two Sides of Fi

And I'm currently checking out some others:

• Mad Fientist
• Retire with Style
• Retirement Starts Today
• Retiring with Enough
• The Financial Independence Show
• .....and probably another couple I can't recall.

 

[NewlyRetired]

I won't have this issue but do any parents these days help out with wedding costs or is it pretty much understood that the wedding couple needs to cover the costs themselves?

 

[Yo Mama]

Anyways, I’ve been starting to search out good podcast/youtube channels on retirement planning. I know there were some suggestions earlier but couldn’t find them over the past few pages. Any recommendations for good listens/watches?

I posted the below in the Personal Finance Thread. Since then I've added to the mix Risk Parity Radio (pounding through this one from the start in 2019 because I'm still not sure what to think of his approach), Catching up to FI, Jill on Money, and The Long View.

Have listened to these focused on retirement, markets, and investing for some time:

• Retirement Answer Man (another good one for those asking about withdrawal strategies)
• Money for the Rest of Us
• Animal Spirits
• Ask the Compound
• Compound and Friends
• Baron's Streetwise

I've been searching for some new ones focused on Financial Independence and Retirement in the past month or two.
So far I've liked:

• ChooseFi
• Two Sides of Fi

And I'm currently checking out some others:

• Mad Fientist
• Retire with Style
• Retirement Starts Today
• Retiring with Enough
• The Financial Independence Show
• .....and probably another couple I can't recall.

Thanks!

 

[Yo Mama]

I won't have this issue but do any parents these days help out with wedding costs or is it pretty much understood that the wedding couple needs to cover the costs themselves?

I’m hoping to have something to give the kids that they can use for house down payments / weddings / whatever they choose if I have enough after helping with their undergrad loans.

 

[Yo Mama]

I was fortunate enough to get a great head start with limited student loans and help with my first home down payment (via some $ from grandparents). I’m hoping to provide the same for my kids, especially with how expensive everything is these days. We’ll see if I can pull that off.

 

[New Binky the Doormat]

I won't have this issue but do any parents these days help out with wedding costs or is it pretty much understood that the wedding couple needs to cover the costs themselves?

huh?? ...news to me

unless the kids are really old (I dunno what qualifies here - but let's say 30s for argument sake here),

the bride's parents are footing the bill and the groom's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner - haven't heard anything about those traditions changing.

 

[NewlyRetired]

I won't have this issue but do any parents these days help out with wedding costs or is it pretty much understood that the wedding couple needs to cover the costs themselves?

huh?? ...news to me

unless the kids are really old (I dunno what qualifies here - but let's say 30s for argument sake here),

the bride's parents are footing the bill and the groom's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner - haven't heard anything about those traditions changing.

I think things have rapidly been changing this past decade. I saw this stat from a survey done last year

According to the Brides American Wedding Study, parents cover anywhere between 35 and 42 percent of the cost of their children's weddings

 

[3C's]

I won't have this issue but do any parents these days help out with wedding costs or is it pretty much understood that the wedding couple needs to cover the costs themselves?

huh?? ...news to me

unless the kids are really old (I dunno what qualifies here - but let's say 30s for argument sake here),

the bride's parents are footing the bill and the groom's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner - haven't heard anything about those traditions changing.

Not only that, they seem to want to outdo the last couple. Wedding costs are outrageous these days. When we got married we paid for everything and kept the costs to a minimum. Due to an issue with a certain someone our daughter got married in a very simple ceremony but it was looking to be very expensive.

 

[New Binky the Doormat]

I won't have this issue but do any parents these days help out with wedding costs or is it pretty much understood that the wedding couple needs to cover the costs themselves?

huh?? ...news to me

unless the kids are really old (I dunno what qualifies here - but let's say 30s for argument sake here),

the bride's parents are footing the bill and the groom's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner - haven't heard anything about those traditions changing.

I think things have rapidly been changing this past decade. I saw this stat from a survey done last year

According to the Brides American Wedding Study, parents cover anywhere between 35 and 42 percent of the cost of their children's weddings

with a soon-to-be-20 yr old daughter ...I likes it.

 

[Yo Mama]

I won't have this issue but do any parents these days help out with wedding costs or is it pretty much understood that the wedding couple needs to cover the costs themselves?

huh?? ...news to me

unless the kids are really old (I dunno what qualifies here - but let's say 30s for argument sake here),

the bride's parents are footing the bill and the groom's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner - haven't heard anything about those traditions changing.

My wife and I paid for most of our wedding. Her parents were not in a position to help out too much financially.

 

[NutterButter]

I'll pay for the dj, but only if I get to choose the music. In all seriousness, I would be fine with throwing 10k at my daughter's wedding. I think weddings are a waste of money, but it will be a fun day. But that's 10k that she ain't getting elsewhere. The money tree only has so many leaves.

 

[FairWarning]

I won't have this issue but do any parents these days help out with wedding costs or is it pretty much understood that the wedding couple needs to cover the costs themselves?

huh?? ...news to me

unless the kids are really old (I dunno what qualifies here - but let's say 30s for argument sake here),

the bride's parents are footing the bill and the groom's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner - haven't heard anything about those traditions changing.

I think things have rapidly been changing this past decade. I saw this stat from a survey done last year

According to the Brides American Wedding Study, parents cover anywhere between 35 and 42 percent of the cost of their children's weddings

That could be a result of people waiting to get married.

 

[guru_007]

Probably off-topic a bit here and I may get wordy, so I'll apologize in advance, but in regard to paying for weddings, I'll lump in college tuition and give a few anecdotal experiences.
First in regard to weddings, I believe a lot of the expectations vary from region to region. I'm from NY and in my experience, the brides parents pay for the wedding. However, I have also seen that NY'ers seem to think image is everything and try to one up everyone else. My wife is from the Midwest and expectations are not quite as high in regard to weddings nor payment by brides parents.
When I got married I was 30, wife was 25 and we paid for everything. We were not well off by any means and credit cards came into play for sure. And by everything, I mean everything. It was a Las Vegas wedding and we flew out my wife's family and paid for their hotels, we paid for all meals while they were there. My wife made her own wedding dress as well as all of the bridesmaids dresses. I picked up the tux rental for all of the groomsmen. Basically, if you were kind of enough to attend our wedding, you just had to get on a plane and show up and thankfully there were about 60 attendees. Most of my friends and family probably didn't think it would last. Laughs are on them! or me Anyway, we got a gauge of how much a wedding cost and it took us about 5-6 years to pay it off in full.
My daughter is about to get married and she's 27. Her and her fiancée each make good money, probably 3-4x what we were making when we got married, even taking into account the 20+ years, they are in much better financial positions than we were. When our daughter told us she was in planning stages, we told her upfront we would give her $xxK for her wedding and anything above and beyond that was up to her. We also told her we would be there for her if she needed help with any decisions but this was her wedding, we were not going to get into all of the details and try to nickel and dime stuff out. If she wants to go all out, go for it, but it's on her. I'd estimate we are paying for 80% of her wedding and the balance is really not a burden for her and her fiancée so they can get the wedding that they want without going into any debt at all, while we are not going to be getting bills and asked for more money month after month after month. I think it's a pretty practical solution to the issue. When my sister got married her and my parents got into a pretty big to do about expenses as my sister wanted 400 people at the wedding and my parents were simply not going to float the bill for whatever she wanted, but that's a story for a different time.
In regard to college tuition, I think it's very necessary for the parents to have a sit down with the kid to temper their expectations. I am going to see this come to a head with my nephew here very soon as he graduated 4th in his class of like 800, near perfect SAT and ACT scores, well rounded kid, but a bit head in the clouds - he applied for like every ivy league school shy except Yale, and has been accepted to quite a few very high quality schools already (just off the top of my head, ND, UNC, Duke). Anywhoo, he is expecting to go to a school that before any academic grants are awarded is going to cost 30-50k per semester and I'm pretty damn sure that his parents don't have more than a semester full of college savings ready for him as they do pretty well, but they love to live above their means. I'm afraid my nephew is going to get crushed here because his parents just let him apply wherever he wanted and never made mention that hey, we really can't come close to affording any of these private schools, perhaps you may want to look for a few schools that you'll get grants or maybe a public school for a year or two.
I think there really needs to be some open communication between parents and their adult or near adult children about money, which is seemingly always a hard topic for discussion as is. I'm not saying I'm great at it either, as it's difficult at times, and my parents were certainly tight lipped about everything until I was in my forties - their only conversation about college with me was when I was a senior in high school and they showed me the bank account with my college savings totally $7,500 and said, here you go, take that into account when you apply for colleges! Thankfully I received a few scholarships, and only applied to one private school, got accepted but when no money was awarded and they told me it was $20,000/year, I was able to do some quick back of the napkin calculations and said, thanks but no thanks. Boston's loss if you ask me.

 

[coopersdad]

I won't have this issue but do any parents these days help out with wedding costs or is it pretty much understood that the wedding couple needs to cover the costs themselves?

Going through this now..........unfortunately it is not going well.

Son and the soon to be DIL are in the process of planning their weddding for May '24. At the start I offered to help out a bit on wedding, pay for the rehersal dinner, as well as the bachelor's golf outing (if I could play too), and they came back w/ a number that was reasonable. Told them to just put it onto the CC and I'll pay it off, and he'll get the points.

Back in December I hear rumblings that DIL and her dad are not getting along again. From what I understand he's been mentally abusive for most of her life. Then last week I get a call from them asking me if I can help out more w/ the wedding her dad has refused to pay for any more of the wedding and has told her he will not be attending. Something trivial and stupid started the argument, and it escaladed to that point.

Most of the details / contracts have already been signed by them (not him..............pretty sure that might have been on purpose), so unless I want them to be in a hole financially, I'm going to pull $ out of the extra that I received when my mom passed last year (I'm pretty sure she would want me to do this), and since it is "extra" money to me that would just "help" me out, I guess I'm in the wedding planning business now. Hopefully it goes well...................just waiting for everything to be paid for, and then the old man to want to "make up". That is his history.

 

[NewlyRetired]

I won't have this issue but do any parents these days help out with wedding costs or is it pretty much understood that the wedding couple needs to cover the costs themselves?

Going through this now..........unfortunately it is not going well.

Son and the soon to be DIL are in the process of planning their weddding for May '24. At the start I offered to help out a bit on wedding, pay for the rehersal dinner, as well as the bachelor's golf outing (if I could play too), and they came back w/ a number that was reasonable. Told them to just put it onto the CC and I'll pay it off, and he'll get the points.

Back in December I hear rumblings that DIL and her dad are not getting along again. From what I understand he's been mentally abusive for most of her life. Then last week I get a call from them asking me if I can help out more w/ the wedding her dad has refused to pay for any more of the wedding and has told her he will not be attending. Something trivial and stupid started the argument, and it escaladed to that point.

Most of the details / contracts have already been signed by them (not him..............pretty sure that might have been on purpose), so unless I want them to be in a hole financially, I'm going to pull $ out of the extra that I received when my mom passed last year (I'm pretty sure she would want me to do this), and since it is "extra" money to me that would just "help" me out, I guess I'm in the wedding planning business now. Hopefully it goes well...................just waiting for everything to be paid for, and then the old man to want to "make up". That is his history.

I have heard the sticker shock post covid for wedding has been scary for many. How are the general costs in your area? More than you expected or not?

 

[FBG26]

I won't have this issue but do any parents these days help out with wedding costs or is it pretty much understood that the wedding couple needs to cover the costs themselves?

huh?? ...news to me

unless the kids are really old (I dunno what qualifies here - but let's say 30s for argument sake here),

the bride's parents are footing the bill and the groom's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner - haven't heard anything about those traditions changing.

If my daughters think I'm paying for their wedding they'll have a another thing coming. My wife's parents didn't give us anything but they didn't have anything either. I think my parents gave us $5k or something like that (less than 10 years ago). I'll probably give something similar (adjusted for inflation I guess) when my kids are getting married in 25 years. But an expectation that the bride's parents pay for the wedding is stupid.

 

[coopersdad]

I won't have this issue but do any parents these days help out with wedding costs or is it pretty much understood that the wedding couple needs to cover the costs themselves?

Going through this now..........unfortunately it is not going well.

Son and the soon to be DIL are in the process of planning their weddding for May '24. At the start I offered to help out a bit on wedding, pay for the rehersal dinner, as well as the bachelor's golf outing (if I could play too), and they came back w/ a number that was reasonable. Told them to just put it onto the CC and I'll pay it off, and he'll get the points.

Back in December I hear rumblings that DIL and her dad are not getting along again. From what I understand he's been mentally abusive for most of her life. Then last week I get a call from them asking me if I can help out more w/ the wedding her dad has refused to pay for any more of the wedding and has told her he will not be attending. Something trivial and stupid started the argument, and it escaladed to that point.

Most of the details / contracts have already been signed by them (not him..............pretty sure that might have been on purpose), so unless I want them to be in a hole financially, I'm going to pull $ out of the extra that I received when my mom passed last year (I'm pretty sure she would want me to do this), and since it is "extra" money to me that would just "help" me out, I guess I'm in the wedding planning business now. Hopefully it goes well...................just waiting for everything to be paid for, and then the old man to want to "make up". That is his history.

I have heard the sticker shock post covid for wedding has been scary for many. How are the general costs in your area? More than you expected or not?

They are doing a pretty simple wedding and have tried to cut corners where they can.

Examples: 1) the minister is a friend of mine and he is providing somone to play the piano from his church. 2) open bar will consist of margaritas, white and red wine, and Michalob Ultra (their beer of choice), 3) the event will be at a wedding venue in the wooded hills outside of town owned by a family whose daughter plays on my DIL select softball team (she's the head coach), so she is trading lessons for a discount on the price, and 4) the dinner will be a buffet provide by Chipotle, and 5) they are having a Sunday afternoon wedding (which is supposedly the cheapest)

I think the dress (which her grandma is purchasing) had the most sticker shock (almost 4K).

My origional amount was going to be 7K + rehersal dinner (local mexican place, so maybe 1K) and our golf outing in the hill country of texas for 7 (of which 3 were my boys and I) for 2 nights which ran me $2K for golf and rooms (they boys all picked up the food and beverages). So I had estimated 10K. I think that I'll need an additional 10K (as I think her dad has only put down the deposits, which are usually 10%).

Add all that together and include the dress and I'm guessing 20-25.....................and this is for about 150 people (ex wife's mom keeps on adding people and it's driving me crazy).

 

[Mookie]

I have two boys (26, 28), one of whom is likely to get married soon. His g/f's family doesn't have much such I expect we'll cover much of the wedding cost. They are pretty frugal, but I like the idea of offering a number and then letting them budget around it to keep expectations in check.

As for retirement, I am financially ready but I'm having trouble with the idea of not working at 58. I'm cautiously targeting Spring of 2025 and plan to take 3-6 months off to reset, get healthy, and re-prioritize what I want to do with my remaining years. After that initial period though, I'm worried that I could fall into a funk and get comfortable doing "nothing", My wife is especially terrified of me sitting around the house all day. It's a bit of a chicken and egg problem where I can't really figure out what I want to do in retirement while I'm still fully consumed with the daily grind of working. I also don't want to inquire about PT work/volunteer opportunities while I'm still employed. Have any of you struggled with this and how did you break out of it?

 

[NewlyRetired]

I have two boys (26, 28), one of whom is likely to get married soon. His g/f's family doesn't have much such I expect we'll cover much of the wedding cost. They are pretty frugal, but I like the idea of offering a number and then letting them budget around it to keep expectations in check.

As for retirement, I am financially ready but I'm having trouble with the idea of not working at 58. I'm cautiously targeting Spring of 2025 and plan to take 3-6 months off to reset, get healthy, and re-prioritize what I want to do with my remaining years. After that initial period though, I'm worried that I could fall into a funk and get comfortable doing "nothing", My wife is especially terrified of me sitting around the house all day. It's a bit of a chicken and egg problem where I can't really figure out what I want to do in retirement while I'm still fully consumed with the daily grind of working. I also don't want to inquire about PT work/volunteer opportunities while I'm still employed. Have any of you struggled with this and how did you break out of it?

I can't assuage your concerns but I can only 100% assure that if you want to stay busy in retirement, the amount of volunteer work is endless, and I mean ENDLESS. You do have to break the tie between "work" and getting paid "financially". When you volunteer, you will still be working but the pay comes in the form of helping others.

There are opportunities in almost every town unless you live in the complete sticks, then you might have to drive a bit to find them.

 

[Al Czervik]

As for retirement, I am financially ready but I'm having trouble with the idea of not working at 58.

Been thinking about this a lot lately. I can see myself moving on from my current job and doing something else in my late 50's/early 60's. Just wonder what that could be?

 

[NewlyRetired]

As for retirement, I am financially ready but I'm having trouble with the idea of not working at 58.

Been thinking about this a lot lately. I can see myself moving on from my current job and doing something else in my late 50's/early 60's. Just wonder what that could be?

Literally anything you want. The entire point of retirement is asking the question "what do I WANT to do today" instead of "what do I HAVE to do today"

If you want to keep making money but with less stress, there are tons of part time jobs
If you want to do some good for community or for others, there are endless volunteer jobs where you can work as much or as little as you want
If you want to partake in hobbies you enjoy, you can min/max the **** out of them in retirement

I don't know how else to put it but if some one retires, and they are healthy and can drive, if they find they have nothing to do, it is ENTIRELY on them.

Note that "doing nothing" is fine as well if that is what some one enjoys. I was more referring to retirees who complain they are bored.

 

[Instinctive]

On the wedding front, for a recent-ish point that jives with how my parents helped with school, is how my in-laws did ours.

They told my now-wife she'd get $15k for a wedding that they had set aside. My parents, not to be outdone, decided to match them vs just try to do all the traditional groom stuff).

So we made that our budget and said thank you and chose a wedding size that either A) we'd be comfortable paying out of our own pockets for or B) was within that budget.

Changed venues to, to find a reasonable one, and had a wonderful reception at a brewery with great food catered (just had food catered for a party from a normal local restaurant, which was excellent - none of the crazy stupid wedding pricing for silly things like fancier glasses or napkins we gave zero effs about).

 

[Instinctive]

I have two boys (26, 28), one of whom is likely to get married soon. His g/f's family doesn't have much such I expect we'll cover much of the wedding cost. They are pretty frugal, but I like the idea of offering a number and then letting them budget around it to keep expectations in check.

As for retirement, I am financially ready but I'm having trouble with the idea of not working at 58. I'm cautiously targeting Spring of 2025 and plan to take 3-6 months off to reset, get healthy, and re-prioritize what I want to do with my remaining years. After that initial period though, I'm worried that I could fall into a funk and get comfortable doing "nothing", My wife is especially terrified of me sitting around the house all day. It's a bit of a chicken and egg problem where I can't really figure out what I want to do in retirement while I'm still fully consumed with the daily grind of working. I also don't want to inquire about PT work/volunteer opportunities while I'm still employed. Have any of you struggled with this and how did you break out of it?

I just watched my dad retire at 58 (he's 60 now and LOVING it) and it was an interesting first six months. My mom would tell me when I call home "You know I love your dad, but I don't need him to follow me around the house and to my friends' like a puppy all day every day" and he got SUPER (like way too much) into RAID: Shadow Legends (a microtransaction daily very meh computer game).

BUT, with some gentle nudges, found some neighborhood friends, chops firewood, shovels snow, he ran for and joined (elected technically i guess) the "Metro board" which manages the county road grading, found some time to go fishing some, they got their RV and he plans the trips and looks forward to them...all sorts of stuff!

So it's been a good two years journey for him. Whenever they visit us though, my wife and I have to make a list of projects to do (which I do in fact love doing together) but even then so he is occupied and not just playing microsoft solitaire and getting grumpy for six hours in a row LOL.

As of this week, he's a grandpa so we'll see how that changes things too! They're both very excited.

POINT IS: it's ok if you kinda have to find your way for awhile. You'll be fine though if you do so with some intentionality.

 

[⚡DEADHEAD⚡]

Another note of thanks for those chiming in. As I mentioned earlier, I've had some check-in calls with Fidelity, which has put me at great ease. I dug deeply into my 401k contributions and figured I could contribute more than I have been. It's "free" money with an excellent matching program. I might not have done that if not for the exchanges in this thread.

 

[AAABatteries]

I won't have this issue but do any parents these days help out with wedding costs or is it pretty much understood that the wedding couple needs to cover the costs themselves?

We've decided with our kids to give them X and tell them to use it however they see fit - wedding, honeymoon, down payment on house, etc.

We also deviate from many in here and have the kids help pay their college. We pay their car, car insurance and healthcare. They can live at home rent and utility free but we want them to have some skin in the game when it comes to school. We pay books and some other smaller stuff but they need to have scholarships or pay their own way for most. My goal is for each of them to come out of college as close to debt free as possible - if they apply themselves and get their degree we will probably give them graduation gifts that will cover some/most of any debt they have.

 

[Instinctive]

I won't have this issue but do any parents these days help out with wedding costs or is it pretty much understood that the wedding couple needs to cover the costs themselves?

We've decided with our kids to give them X and tell them to use it however they see fit - wedding, honeymoon, down payment on house, etc.

We also deviate from many in here and have the kids help pay their college. We pay their car, car insurance and healthcare. They can live at home rent and utility free but we want them to have some skin in the game when it comes to school. We pay books and some other smaller stuff but they need to have scholarships or pay their own way for most. My goal is for each of them to come out of college as close to debt free as possible - if they apply themselves and get their degree we will probably give them graduation gifts that will cover some/most of any debt they have.

Basically exactly what my parents did, and it worked pretty darn well! So that's our plan too. They were like "you get $x. good for college, grad school buy a house, we don't care. But you don't get more if you go to a more expensive place."

 

[Atomic Punk]

I just submitted my papers. I turn 54 in March and my last day of work is in June. I’ve been with the Canadian federal government for 34 years and will get a pension that pays about 2/3 of my current salary and is indexed for inflation. We can return to work for 90 days per year without impacting our pension, so the plan is to go back and work October to December and then sign up for another 90 days in 2025, while I collect my pension. The slant is I won’t go back to my current job where I am in charge of the whole operation and just go back and work “special projects”.

I am really looking forward to all of it. The down time, time with my granddaughter, more travel, more relaxed pace and the different work level. We will see how it goes!

 

[mr. furley]

I just submitted my papers. I turn 54 in March and my last day of work is in June. I’ve been with the Canadian federal government for 34 years and will get a pension that pays about 2/3 of my current salary and is indexed for inflation. We can return to work for 90 days per year without impacting our pension, so the plan is to go back and work October to December and then sign up for another 90 days in 2025, while I collect my pension. The slant is I won’t go back to my current job where I am in charge of the whole operation and just go back and work “special projects”.

I am really looking forward to all of it. The down time, time with my granddaughter, more travel, more relaxed pace and the different work level. We will see how it goes!

is there any benefit to going back for 90 days each year? just to get 100% for 3 months?

 

[Atomic Punk]

I guess my reason is twofold. I get to “double dip” and collect my pension plus the salary for that time. And I still want to keep busy and do something, so working during the winter months in Winnipeg will help keep me sane (with a little travel sprinkled in).