What's the stupidest way you've injured yourself? (1 Viewer)

[Homer J Simpson]

Back in July I had passed out on the couch and woke up at some point to take a whizz. As I got up, my feet got tangled in the blanket and I went headlong over the coffee table. 250 pounds of drunken idiot landing on its shoulder will usually end up with a broken collarbone.

Missed a month of work for that little moment of grace and agility.

Probably not the stupidest, but it is the most recent.

Whatcha got?

 

[Ladsud]

Tore my ACL jumping off my quad in 2000. I will need surgery again sometime soon. Its causes me alot of soreness after riding my bike now.

 

[Das Boot]

Stepped on an old school rake in the yard once.

It's amazing how hard the handle can whack your head.

 

[Mister CIA]

Stepped on an old school rake in the yard once.

It's amazing how hard the handle can whack your head.

Beware

 

[Limp Ditka]

Stepped on an old school rake in the yard once.

It's amazing how hard the handle can whack your head.

One of my kid's friends did that and cracked a tooth. The dad always explains it as 'did you even see that Tom and Jerry cartoon when.....? It looked just like it'

 

[Das Boot]

Stepped on an old school rake in the yard once.

It's amazing how hard the handle can whack your head.

One of my kid's friends did that and cracked a tooth. The dad always explains it as 'did you even see that Tom and Jerry cartoon when.....? It looked just like it'

After I realized I wasn't knocked out, and I wasn't sure for a moment, I actually did have to laugh.

I'd always seen that in cartoons and never thought about it really happening.

Physics kills man.

 

[mr roboto]

Slammed the tip of my...uh...in a car door.

 

[Doctor Detroit]

Tore my ACL playing softball as a last minute replacement. I was safe though.

 

[Green and Gold]

While putting up drywall I stepped backward, forgetting I was on a ladder. I fell right onto the corner of another piece of drywall. It ripped through my jeans and tore up my ####### (starfish), and I mean tore it up; blood all over the place. I am hopping around the room trying to swear, but all that's coming out are inarticulate moans. I still remember that pain.

 

[Mister CIA]

While putting up drywall I stepped backward, forgetting I was on a ladder. I fell right onto the corner of another piece of drywall. It ripped through my jeans and tore up my ####### (starfish), and I mean tore it up; blood all over the place. I am hopping around the room trying to swear, but all that's coming out are inarticulate moans. I still remember that pain.

We've all been there, like forgetting where you parked the car.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

While putting up drywall I stepped backward, forgetting I was on a ladder. I fell right onto the corner of another piece of drywall. It ripped through my jeans and tore up my ####### (starfish), and I mean tore it up; blood all over the place. I am hopping around the room trying to swear, but all that's coming out are inarticulate moans. I still remember that pain.

Wow.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

I walked into the pantry door. Not the flat part- the edge. For no good reason. I still feel like I was auditioning for the Three Stooges.

 

[Chapelboy]

sitting on a sofa once, had a hard object hit me in the back of the head , felt like a frying pan. Took 10 stitches. The stupid, self-injury part was marrying that woman.

 

[MaxThreshold]

Wife and I were looking at Refrigerators back in 2000. I had opened the door and crouched down to look at the crisper drawers. Unbeknownst to me, my beautiful and lovely wife had opened the upper freezer door to peek inside.

I think you know what's coming next...

I stood straight up (like any normal person who thinks there is nothing above him to worry about) and rammed my head full force and straight into the bottom of the freezer door. I think I blacked out for a second. I was seeing stars for a good 5 minutes - seriously thought I had a concussion.

We did not buy a refrigerator that day.

 

[xulf]

While putting up drywall I stepped backward, forgetting I was on a ladder. I fell right onto the corner of another piece of drywall. It ripped through my jeans and tore up my ####### (starfish), and I mean tore it up; blood all over the place. I am hopping around the room trying to swear, but all that's coming out are inarticulate moans. I still remember that pain.

It was a million to one shot doc, a million to one.

 

[Hawks64]

Was playing with my kid, lifted him up and over my head and herniated a disc in my back. Haven't been the same since.

 

[bakes]

I was at my best friends house in Portland Maine working on a pair of loudspeakers. Genesis II to be precise. . The lower 10 inch passive drivers came out with no problem. One of he upper 8 inch woofers on the other hand was stuck in there pretty solidly. So I reached my hand into the hole on the bottom and smacked the back of the magnet on the woofer hard. I was staring straight at the woofer. Maybe 4" away from the speaker. It apparently took this as an act of aggression and attacked. It released out of the cabinet at a high rate of speed and the metal edge of the woofer clopped me dead in the lip. Bled like a sonofa#####. Three stitches and a loose tooth later...

 

[heckmanm]

While putting up drywall I stepped backward, forgetting I was on a ladder. I fell right onto the corner of another piece of drywall. It ripped through my jeans and tore up my ####### (starfish), and I mean tore it up; blood all over the place. I am hopping around the room trying to swear, but all that's coming out are inarticulate moans. I still remember that pain.

Wow.

Worse yet, it ruined that piece of drywall.

 

[Courtjester]

I have posted this before, but my recliner put me in the ER not once--but twice!

First time was New Years Day and I was drinking (this will be a theme) and the light above my recliner had burned out. So I stood in the recliner to change it. The recliner then does what recliners are meant to do and it opened up, forcing me to lose my balance and fall on top of said recliner. Well my hand slipped between the cushions and into the gears of the chair and the weight of me being now on top of the chair recloses the chair and my hand is crushed right at the knuckle of my index finger between these gears. I managed to slide off the chair and get ithe chair reopened, but by this time, I was bleeding pretty good. Quite a few stitches were had at the ER and I have a fun scar to go along with the story.

The second time (I was drinking) I decided to just flop-sort of do this jump into the recliner. Now mind you it has now tasted human blood and I should have put it down, but when I landed in the chair, my hand sort of got caught under me and I snapped my little finger like a twig. It made an audible pop loud enough for my wife to notice and asks "Did you just break something?" I tried to be a tough guy, but the next morning after the swelling really kicked in, we were back to the ER.

I took a sledge hammer to that chair shortly thereafter.

 

[Zow]

Played four years of a weekly tackle football game in college that included actual players from the college team and the college's rugby team. No pads or anything and the games could get intense.

Amazingly, the only time I was ever seriously hurt was running to the field. I was excited to play and was running a few minutes late so I had put my cleats on at my dorm instead of changing at the field like normal. As I got near the stadium I ran over an iced over patch of concrete, slipped, and broke my wrist. I didn't know I had at the time so I still played the game, although I couldn't catch for #### and didn't know why.

 

[bigmarc27]

Might have posted this before but in my single days I was doing the dishes. When I used to do them, I'd just throw stuff whichever way in there and this particular time, a steak knife went in blade up.

I wash the dishes and begin to unstack. At this point I reach to the back for a plate and just gouge my arm on the steak knife. It was a down the street not cross the tracks kinda situation and there was blood everywhere. It was dumb.

 

[SacramentoBob]

Sneezing

 

[matuski]

A guy in my pledge class had to go to the ER with a laceration of his johnson.

Apparently masturbating/effing a grapefruit, he decided to cut out some of it with his johnson still inside. That is right, poked a knife into a piece of fruit wrapped around his jimmy.

Best choice of my college career was not joining up with those clowns.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

Reaching for a seat belt while trying to get my jacket off in the car. Not quite John Candy in PTA but close. I stretched an upper chest muscle and couldn't move right for a few days. That's when I started taking stretching out seriously.

 

[matttyl]

Sneezing

My dad was driving one day and while holding a cup of coffee (apparently before "travel mugs" - or at least he didn't have one that day) felt the urge to sneeze. Knowing he didn't have enough time to put the coffee down and trying not to spill coffee all over himself he tensed up for it. Threw his back out pretty good, and was laid up in bed for a week and still says his back hasn't been the same since.

For me - thinking I could play collegiate rugby as a ~165 pound freshman. I was pretty fast - but so were the 220 pounders. I broke a total of 5 bones (2 ribs, 2 fingers, and a nearly compound fractured wrist which has taken 2 surgeries since) in a semester and a half.

 

[Donny Loved Bowling]

So many to choose from...

Got hit in the chest with an errant discus once. Was walking across high school field when I heard a "Heads up!" and I turned just in time to catch it in my left pectoral. Felt like I had been shot, knocked me off my feet. Pretty nasty bruise, but it didn't really hurt that bad. The "heads up" probably saved my life - catching it in the back of my head would have really ruined my day.

 

[Pickle Rody]

12/13 years old...friends house, dark, running around for hide-&-seek....forgot about clothesline...my neck connected with the line and after giving a little bit it stopped my head and upper body while my legs and feet kept going...landed on the back of my head....probably my first concussion.

16/17...smacked myself above my left eye with a ping-pong paddle while executing an agressive shot...still have scar at brow line.

Late 30's.....helping a friend frame an addition to his home....hanging out a window opening backwards...decided to switch hands for the nail gun...managed to shoot myself in my right wrist...through a glove, through skin (in & out) and back out through glove again. Got super lucky...pulled nail out and luckily hit no veins...put gloves back on and went back to work.

48...fell off ladder while hanging holiday lights on house....landed on and crushed the cheap aluminum ladder....knocked the wind out of myself and cracked two ribs.

These are just a few that I remember.

 

[Mors Venit]

12/13 years old...friends house, dark, running around for hide-&-seek....forgot about clothesline...my neck connected with the line and after giving a little bit it stopped my head and upper body while my legs and feet kept going...landed on the back of my head....probably my first concussion.

16/17...smacked myself above my left eye with a ping-pong paddle while executing an agressive shot...still have scar at brow line.

Late 30's.....helping a friend frame an addition to his home....hanging out a window opening backwards...decided to switch hands for the nail gun...managed to shoot myself in my right wrist...through a glove, through skin (in & out) and back out through glove again. Got super lucky...pulled nail out and luckily hit no veins...put gloves back on and went back to work.

48...fell off ladder while hanging holiday lights on house....landed on and crushed the cheap aluminum ladder....knocked the wind out of myself and cracked two ribs.

These are just a few that I remember.

Am i reading this correctly....

you shot a nail clean through your wrist and didnt seek any medical attention?

 

[Chapelboy]

There was the time as a 7-yr old I tried cutting a piece of medical tape with a razor blade...pressed down horizontally across one end of the blade upon the tape...this was a shaving razor blade from the 70s...needless to say blade entered my finger perfectly straight.

 

[Nigel]

Playing Golden Tee. There was a small gap between the glass covering the screen and the base where the track ball is. I flung my hand foreword over the ball as hard as I could and the tips of my fingers ran full bore into the raised edge of the glass. Two fingernails got shorn off completely, a bloody ####### mess.

 

[Jaysus]

Now mind you it has now tasted human blood and I should have put it down

 

[Righetti]

There was the time as a 7-yr old I tried cutting a piece of medical tape with a razor blade...pressed down horizontally across one end of the blade upon the tape...this was a shaving razor blade from the 70s...needless to say blade entered my finger perfectly straight.

I tried cutting a frozen bagel with a sharp straight edge knife as a kid, slid right off of the bagel and sliced a chunk of my thumb.. still have a weird looking scar

 

[Nathan R. Jessep]

While putting up drywall I stepped backward, forgetting I was on a ladder. I fell right onto the corner of another piece of drywall. It ripped through my jeans and tore up my ####### (starfish), and I mean tore it up; blood all over the place. I am hopping around the room trying to swear, but all that's coming out are inarticulate moans. I still remember that pain.

so you literally ripped yourself a new one??

 

[Pickle Rody]

Correct. I was fortunate. The tip of the nail went clean through but the full nail was now holding my glove on. The nail went through sideways just under the skin. I remember it being hot coming out of the gun. I had to pull the nail out before I could get the glove off and see the damage. Luckily no veins hit, no bones hit, no blood....just 2 small entrance and exit holes. No need for medical attention. Two small scars are all I have to show for it.

 

[Mors Venit]

Correct. I was fortunate. The tip of the nail went clean through but the full nail was now holding my glove on. The nail went through sideways just under the skin. I remember it being hot coming out of the gun. I had to pull the nail out before I could get the glove off and see the damage. Luckily no veins hit, no bones hit, no blood....just 2 small entrance and exit holes. No need for medical attention. Two small scars are all I have to show for it.

How did it not get badly infected?

Any puncture wound ive gotten has become infected.

Werent you worried about tetanis?

 

[fdas2]

tried to lance a zit, the size of a golf ball, on my forehead.

 

[msommer]

On my first parachute (static line) jump I landed pretty hard - didn't brake early enough even though I had been told over and over to look at the horizon not down at the hard, on rushing dirt field - however I failed miserably at that.

Hurt a bit but the adrenaline rush was so great that I went up again. Again my landing was off, my one leg kind of folded under me even though I landed softly.

The next day I went to the ER who promptly put me in a cast as I had frayed a tendon in my foot that was now only hanging on by a thread...

Cost me a week on my back and my boss was pretty pissed off/...

 

[Chemical X]

lol

-was painting and spackling for my carkhole FIL. trying to get a nail out of the plaster with a hammer, I had the wrong the angle. hammer slipped off nail and my fist plowed into my forehead, knocking me out cold for several minutes.

-had just moved to NC and took my dog for a walk in the rain. GDB the red clay down here..........I was on pretty flat ground but the clay became slippery, I lost my footing and pretty much flew in the air out of control. mind you, this was a leisurely pace. I landed and screamed, thinking I had suffered a compound fracture of my leg. crawled home in the rain, covered in mud, went to ER. suffered avulsion fracture of ankle and the highest of high ankle sprains. 2 mumfs of physical therapy and 9 mumfs inboot. orthopedist asked me if hurt myself skiing or playing football, which was consistent with the force of the injury. I said nope, just walking my dog. he laughed and said ok (wink wink).

-riding bike as a kid, old school 5 speed with the metal gear shift on handlebar......went too fast down a hill, hit a bump went over the bars and tore open my chin to the tune of 10 stitches.

 

[Pickle Rody]

I wasn't worried at all...just went about the rest of my day....no infection occured.

On another note, I've fallen off ladders many times and the one I noted is the only time I've been injured. Somehow I usually land on my feet or successfully execute a tuck-and-roll.

 

[Mors Venit]

tried to lance a zit, the size of a golf ball, on my forehead.

What happened?

 

[Mors Venit]

I wasn't worried at all...just went about the rest of my day....no infection occured.

On another note, I've fallen off ladders many times and the one I noted is the only time I've been injured. Somehow I usually land on my feet or successfully execute a tuck-and-roll.

Mac?

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Remember the little green army men? I thought it'd be pretty genius to light the flamethrower guy's barrel on fire. It was kind of a letdown, so I just shook it as you would when putting out a match. Well, a glob of molten flaming plastic flung off and landed on my forearm. The thing actually fused to my skin...still have the scar 35 years later.

 

[fantasycurse42]

The good old penis in a vacuum bit didn't work out so well

 

[Homer J Simpson]

tried to lance a zit, the size of a golf ball, on my forehead.

What kind of moron would do that?

 

[NFL-ons]

I was 5 or 6 at the playground. My buddy and I were on the see saw. When I was at the bottom, I stood up on the seat, so I could jump off, which would then cause my friend to go slamming into the ground. Well...when I jumped back, I did not clear the rising trajectory of my recently vacated seat. I must have bent over or something and the see saw slammed into my front teeth. Fortunately, they were still my baby teeth.

 

[chet]

Yesterday I tested a blue flame lighter but I was holding it upside down so the flame burned my ring finger. SO STUUUUPIDDDD

 

[Nathan R. Jessep]

~10yo me was was standing on the bathroom counter flexing in the mirror and went to dismount and forgot the toothbrush drawer was open. Scraped about a handful of skin starting from just below the kneecap all the way down my shin bone. Cried silently for a few minutes then doctored that #### up myself, because I wasn't about to tell my parents that I was practicing Hulk Hogan poses on the bathroom cabinet.

 

[Zegras11]

At the Rio in Vegas. Drove in front So cal. Was late for an event. When checking thwre was a long line that made it worse. Get to the counter and find out I left my wallet in the car. I race out to see if valet had taken my car to park, and I make a right turn and smack my nose right into am extended glass window that was part of the door. Blood spurting out of my nose everywhere. When I went back a few months later, they had etched "Rio" logo into the glass.

Other story is falling 40 feet of a cliff on an atv in Yuma.

 

[kevzilla]

Broke my arm playing touch football in 8th grade. A few nights later, I rolled over in bed and the weight of the cast pulled me over the side to the floor. Chipped my elbow. The doc said he'd never had a patient fracture a limb that was already in a cast.

 

[ClownCausedChaos2]

Changing the oil under my truck. The truck was just high enough that I could slip under it while on flat ground, but it was tricky. I had to twist my body and turn my head to loosen the drain plug. When I finally did and the plug came loose, the oil came out and hit me just below the eye. Instictively, my head shot up, hitting my face on the underside of the truck. After hitting my face, my head snapped back, slamming the back of my head against the pavement and damn near knocking myself out.

I ended up with a broken nose, a huge lump on my head, and my face covered in blood and oil.