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What's the upside of marriage for men? (1 Viewer)

zamboni said:
Sadly, as wrong as it may be, that fear of being alone is often what makes people stay in unhappy marriages.
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I actually enjoy being alone. Not lying. 

Have a solid group of friends. Been in relationships. Never married though. But I just like solitude. I don't know why. I can't imagine getting married for the sole reason that I like being alone more than I like being with someone.

 
There’s something to be said for having a partner for everything in life, good and bad. It’s definitely not for everyone and many don’t seem to be cut out for it. I enjoy being alone sometimes but can imagine that if single the silence would be deafening, especially as I got older. We enjoy travelling, movies, restaurants, anything involving our kids. As far as the actual marriage part, I guess it’s more of a societal norm. Women like the special day, and that’s never going away. 

 
3 hour lunch said:
As far as the actual marriage part, I guess it’s more of a societal norm. Women like the special day, and that’s never going away. 
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Yep, and exactly why the thread title is specifically named the way it is, towards men. 
 

Getting legally married is 95% to keep the woman happy. They want the ring, they want the day, they want the romanticism, they want the security.    Many guys just agree to it because that’s how it’s supposed to be..they don’t want to lose the girl, they don’t want to lose access to sex, they are comfortable and are scared of starting over. 
 

Marriage preys on the emotions of women and the fears of men. Both are not logical when really step back and look at the risk a man is taking by agreeing to it. 

 
TLEF316 said:
As a 38 year old with basically no desire to get married, this is something I struggle with for sure.

The bottom line is I know I'd be a crappy husband. (mostly because I'm a selfish person that doesn't want to "waste time" doing stuff I dont want to do. The first time I was forced to go to my wife's co-worker's 1 year olds' birthday party...I'd have 1 foot out the door) So if I were to get married, it would likely end in divorce. And with divorce laws being what they are, I'd be screwed out of half my stuff and the (as of now) 15 years of work I've put into building my career would go right down the drain.

But yeah....I realize this choice has severe consequences. I'm probably never going to have kids....I'm probably going to die alone. Its a sad thing for sure. I guess I've just decided I'd rather be sad at 80 than 40.
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Change it to 57 and that is me.  There isn’t a day that I go to the nursing home to see my mother, or to my uncles to give him his meds, and wonder what happens if that is me?  

 
3 hour lunch said:
There’s something to be said for having a partner for everything in life, good and bad. It’s definitely not for everyone and many don’t seem to be cut out for it. I enjoy being alone sometimes but can imagine that if single the silence would be deafening, especially as I got older. We enjoy travelling, movies, restaurants, anything involving our kids. As far as the actual marriage part, I guess it’s more of a societal norm. Women like the special day, and that’s never going away. 
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Yeah that’s kind where I am right now.  Been divorced for 7 years but with a long time girlfriend yet we live separately.   I really enjoy my alone time like watching sporting events etc.  my daughter still lives with me and son is home here 1 week a month.  Thinking when the kids are gone full time, I might have to change situation.  

 
stlrams said:
Yeah that’s kind where I am right now.  Been divorced for 7 years but with a long time girlfriend yet we live separately.   I really enjoy my alone time like watching sporting events etc.  my daughter still lives with me and son is home here 1 week a month.  Thinking when the kids are gone full time, I might have to change situation.  
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I know a lot of guys that are in that situation. None of them want to get remarried. 

Granted, this is in the city, so their options for dating are unlimited. Also, most of them have their kids relatively nearby. I imagine that cuts down on any chances of loneliness. 

 
offdee said:
Yep, and exactly why the thread title is specifically named the way it is, towards men. 
 

Getting legally married is 95% to keep the woman happy. They want the ring, they want the day, they want the romanticism, they want the security.    Many guys just agree to it because that’s how it’s supposed to be..they don’t want to lose the girl, they don’t want to lose access to sex, they are comfortable and are scared of starting over. 
 

Marriage preys on the emotions of women and the fears of men. Both are not logical when really step back and look at the risk a man is taking by agreeing to it. 
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Some oversimplified logic here and lack of history.  Even 50 years ago women weren't expected to work even with a degree.  Marriage was more or less an employment contract and a way to get paid if the dude decides to get younger at that position.  Now they work and it won't be long till women are the primary earners in this country.  Then the men will need protection.  

 
stlrams said:
Yeah that’s kind where I am right now.  Been divorced for 7 years but with a long time girlfriend yet we live separately.   I really enjoy my alone time like watching sporting events etc.  my daughter still lives with me and son is home here 1 week a month.  Thinking when the kids are gone full time, I might have to change situation.  
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Yeah, If I got divorced I’d stay that way. GF who isn’t in your house seems like a great call. 

 
culdeus said:
Some oversimplified logic here and lack of history.  Even 50 years ago women weren't expected to work even with a degree.  Marriage was more or less an employment contract and a way to get paid if the dude decides to get younger at that position.  Now they work and it won't be long till women are the primary earners in this country.  Then the men will need protection.  
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Not following how this proves anything against my statement you quoted. Wouldn’t this be even MORE of a reason for men to not agree to marriage? 
 

Women are becoming more financially independent, yet still are usually the ones that push the marriage conversation.  They still want a man to give them a ring, provide for the family, etc even when they don’t NEED them to.  Again, where is the upside for a man? …especially now that a woman can soon hold both sex and money over the guys head as ammo when she’s not happy with something. 

 
offdee said:
Yep, and exactly why the thread title is specifically named the way it is, towards men. 
 

Getting legally married is 95% to keep the woman happy. They want the ring, they want the day, they want the romanticism, they want the security.    Many guys just agree to it because that’s how it’s supposed to be..they don’t want to lose the girl, they don’t want to lose access to sex, they are comfortable and are scared of starting over. 
 

Marriage preys on the emotions of women and the fears of men. Both are not logical when really step back and look at the risk a man is taking by agreeing to it. 
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i don’t know about the scared or fears part, but the rest holds true. Honestly, I just fell into it, prompted largely by the fact that I was going to move away in a year and wanted to bring her with me. While she could have joined me without being married, it was a lot easier for her being married. 

 
offdee said:
Not following how this proves anything against my statement you quoted. Wouldn’t this be even MORE of a reason for men to not agree to marriage? 
 

Women are becoming more financially independent, yet still are usually the ones that push the marriage conversation.  They still want a man to give them a ring, provide for the family, etc even when they don’t NEED them to.  Again, where is the upside for a man? …especially now that a woman can soon hold both sex and money over the guys head as ammo when she’s not happy with something. 
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At some point you either accept the answers that you've been given or I can just assume you are somewhat trolling.  There's been plenty of answers given - whether you agree with them or not really isn't the point.  I'm happy you are happy not being married.  I feel confident I know myself well enough to say that I both enjoy being married and there's a lot of upside.

 
My second marriage I'm definitely finding a woman who makes more than me and no prenup.    Alimony in retirement will be great

 
offdee said:
lol at tax breaks.  Sooooo, not worth it.   If a Divorce happens that amount saved will be lost 10 times over.
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If your spouse earns roughly the same as you, the tax “breaks” are inconsequential. 

Without kids, divorce doesn’t have to be expensive at all. Pretty sure I made a profit.

 
dgreen said:
Our society basically pushes marriage on everyone. If you're not married by age X, then there just has to be something wrong with you. So, people who aren't really marriage material end up in failed marriages and it makes marriage seem like the problem when maybe the problem is that we've preached for so long that marriage is for everyone when maybe it's not.
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Same flip of the coin when someone goes solo to a restaurant.

eating out by yourself is awesome 

 
offdee said:
Copying and pasting from my original post..

I read something yesterday that rang so true...women will love you unconditionally until they make you undesirable to them. It's not their fault, that's just who they are.
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Hint: you’re chasing the wrong kind of women.

 
Terminalxylem said:
10-25% What percentage of single men are happy?
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A lot more than 25%. I can say that with confidence.  Especially true for men 40+ that are financially stable. 
 

Men are simple creatures at our core. Give us food, TV, and some sex without strings attached and we’re good. 

 
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offdee said:
Interesting take.  I'd venture to guess that most men would say this is exactly what the WOMEN should focus on.    I think majority of guys feel like they are getting taken advantage of by the women once that ring goes on a finger.
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If true, that’s terrible. I’ve never felt that way FWIW.

 
offdee said:
Getting legally married is 95% to keep the woman happy. They want the ring, they want the day, they want the romanticism, they want the security.  
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This is pretty much true in my own marriage.  We had lived together for ten years or so, and had no real plans of changing anything.  If it ain't broke ... you know. But she wanted to get married because she felt that others didn't take our relationship seriously and needed to take that step to "legitimize" things.  I didn't really give a damn what some of her friends and family thought about us, but I also knew that I had no plans to ever leave.  So I caved.  I don't think I made a bad decision.  I'm still happy, and still sticking around.  That was 13 years ago.

 
offdee said:
Not following how this proves anything against my statement you quoted. Wouldn’t this be even MORE of a reason for men to not agree to marriage? 
 

Women are becoming more financially independent, yet still are usually the ones that push the marriage conversation.  They still want a man to give them a ring, provide for the family, etc even when they don’t NEED them to.  Again, where is the upside for a man? …especially now that a woman can soon hold both sex and money over the guys head as ammo when she’s not happy with something. 
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If the man makes less for the women there's realistic expectation they have some protection in a divorce above their means.  

 
culdeus said:
If the man makes less for the women there's realistic expectation they have some protection in a divorce above their means.  
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And it also makes it a higher chance of a divorce when the woman realizes she is the family provider and her husband isn’t holding his weight financially.   If a woman is pushing for the societal idea of marriage then good chance she also believes in marital roles (right or wrong the man is looked at as the provider in that scenario).
 

Good luck being a man trying to enjoy marriage with that black cloud over his head.  

 
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offdee said:
where is the upside for a man? …especially now that a woman can soon hold both sex and money over the guys head as ammo when she’s not happy with something. 
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Holy crap, you truly sound like you've had an awful life. Nice world view. Women are evil. We get it. 

 
BeTheMatch said:
Holy crap, you truly sound like you've had an awful life. Nice world view. Women are evil. We get it. 
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So you don’t think many women use sex and money against men when they aren’t happy? Ok then. 
 

ETA: both are the top topics cited as reasons for divorce. 

 
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offdee said:
So you don’t think many women use sex and money against men when they aren’t happy? Ok then. 
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How would I know what "many women" do? More importantly, how would you? You seem pretty comfortable bashing an entire gender based on your miserable experience. 

 
offdee said:
And it also makes it a higher chance of a divorce when the woman realizes she is the family provider and her husband isn’t holding his weight financially.   If a woman is pushing for the societal idea of marriage then good chance she also believes in marital roles (right or wrong the man is looked at as the provider in that scenario).
 

Good luck being a man trying to enjoy marriage with that black cloud over his head.  
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There's significant evidence that women breadwinners have happier and longer marriages and tend to be better off financially.  Whether or not we are ready the demographics of college shifted so fast that female breadwinners as a rule might be here this decade.  

 
offdee said:
See my ETA to my last post. It’s facts. 
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Facts? I love that. "Facts," as presented by angry divorced men.

I'm pretty confident you don't have to worry about ever marrying someone who reads this thread anyway.

So, congrats I guess. :confetti:

 
BeTheMatch said:
Facts? I love that. "Facts," as presented by angry divorced men.

I'm pretty confident you don't have to worry about ever marrying someone who reads this thread anyway.

So, congrats I guess. :confetti:
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All women control when consensual sex happens. Sex is a basic need for base happiness for most men. When women are upset, one of the first things they do is withhold sex until they feel resolved. 

Can you really with a straight face disagree with any of this? 

 
offdee said:
I don't believe I'm disparaging on any successful marriage 
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Um, I stopped after the first couple pages. It's exactly what you're doing in this thread even with the backhanded compliments to those who have posted about having good marriages in here.

offdee said:
It's so clear to me that marriage is just an archaic and terrible idea for men to ultimately be happy and satisfied with life
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offdee said:
Unfortunately this is a real reason why guys agree to get married....they just don't want to lose the (cat).   Not a good long term decision though.
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offdee said:
There is just absolutely no logical reason why one needs to sign a legal document that makes it very hard to separate without it being financially detrimental.  
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offdee said:
All women control when consensual sex happens. Sex is a basic need for base happiness for most men. When women are upset, one of the first things they do is withhold sex until they feel resolved. 

Can you really with a straight face disagree with any of this? 
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If you look real deep, I think you'll discover the one common denominator in all your relationships with women.

 
I do have to say, though, the reactions I get when people ask if I'm married, and I say "I'm not married, but, some of my girlfriends are" are a sight to behold. 

 
belljr said:
The only thing I learned today is someones first wife really did a number on them
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Actually it's just the opposite. 

I have pretty good/friendly relationships with all of my long term ex's.  I'm Facebook friends with my ex-wife and we still wish each other a Happy BDay (we divorced over 15 yrs ago).  The divorce was lawyer free and amicable split of stuff....so was very lucky there.

And my last relationship of 7yrs, with kids involved, we never married...and I'm realizing now that it's over how lucky I am to not have taken that step of getting married.  I was the breadwinner and provided everything for her and the 3 kids financially.    I wouldn't be nearly as well off financially now if I caved to her wanting to get married (and she did, rightfully so...no downside for her).   

I also have many friends who are in loveless relationships and more or less just coasting through life trying to not upset their wives.   Just a miserable existence.

So, ultimately I have this view from all of the blessings I have from past relationships and how it could've easily been very different.

 
Here's the secret to life, as sung by Paul McCartney.

"And, in the end, the love you take... is equal to the love... you make"

This thread, seems to me, boils down to: "What makes people happier: being self-serving or focusing more on bettering the people around you." I think there is an objective right answer, but I'll never convince anyone that holds the opposite view that it is true. The only way to convince someone that it's true is through action and example.

 
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