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Trouble getting pregnant? (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter snitwitch
- Start date
The Z Machine
Footballguy
It's a tough road for sure, and was nothing really cones easy, but the payoff is incredible. Sitting with my wife on the floor crying after yet another failed attempt was the most emotionally draining time of my life. But it did bring us closer together than ever, aside from looking into her eyes during delivery and holding our babies up to her face so she could see her son and daughter for the first time. You can get tbrough it, you can survive, and yiur family can thrive, even if it's hell to get there.
The Z Machine
Footballguy
Thanks for all the well wishes. It means a lot to me.
gianmarco
Footballguy
⚡DEADHEAD⚡
Footballguy
Fantastic amigo. Super happy for you. We just had our second (and last) April 1. Boy and girl. Life is good.
mr. furley
Footballguy
El Floppo
Footballguy
you are so hating it.
I mean loving it. something like that.
such great news, Z- congrats to you two!
The Z Machine
Footballguy
I have to admit that I'm pretty smitten by the girl thus far. She's beautiful and adorable.
The Z Machine
Footballguy
Sande, are you still in the bay area? We never got together before I left for the east coast. Let me know if you're ever in the BMore / DC area.
Not like I have a lot of free time upcoming, but it could happen...
Not like I have a lot of free time upcoming, but it could happen...
Getting ready to fill out donation papers. Anyone want to make FBG historyTook us about a year to go through the process... paperwork, consultation, appointment, etc. We did a closed embryo adoption, so no contact, but we have basic information about the donors incl. height, weight, hair color, likes/dislikes, family medical history, etc. (but no names, etc.). There are open adoptions available where you exchange names, pictures, etc. We would have done open, as we have 2 traditional open adoptions, but they had this dumb extra fee, like $3k, for open adoptions. I think they just incorporate that fee for all recipients now.I think donors are completely different, just fill out paperwork and you are good to go. Probably less than a month or two I would guess.ThanksAbout how long did the process take for you? Do you know if it's similar for the donors? Is there contact b/w the families, etc?
gianmarco
Footballguy
That's in the "Trouble figuring out if we're pregnant" thread.
Just kidding, it's probably positive but just very early on. Best to get it accurately tested with her doctor. Good luck!
The Commish
Footballguy
I took out a loan against my truck, then paid it off with my HELOC so I could get the tax write off. It sucked initially, but having an 18 month old baby girl that I love more than life itself was worth it.
SouthJersey
Footballguy
Had our retrieval today. Only 4 keepers 
Hoping all 4 fertilize...but we'll take 1. Fingers crossed.
Hoping all 4 fertilize...but we'll take 1. Fingers crossed.
four isn't terrible. that's all we got and we are now 3 months pregnantHad our retrieval today. Only 4 keepers
Hoping all 4 fertilize...but we'll take 1. Fingers crossed.
good luck
Dentist
***Official FBG Dentist***
And to add insult to injury our fertility reproductive specialist doctor recently DIED from a massive heart attack at age 52.
And in addition to that we were recommended an acupunture/chiropractic person who I'm shocked is in practice because she must have had the worst bedside manner ever... she told my wife she had "bad eggs" and would take many months of treatment to fix.
so now, in addition to the massive stress this is causing us, we need a new doctor, and my wife hasn't slept through the night after this ####### chiro person told her her eggs were bad and her chances of pregnancy were slim.
So now she thinks she needs anxiety medicine or something crazy.
You know i had a pretty low stress life going... .plenty of money, good family, good health, not too many cares in the world.. and now I could really see this situation ruining my life somehow.. i hope i'm wrong, I can't put a finger on it... but I just have this feeling somehow i'm getting screwed on this.
And in addition to that we were recommended an acupunture/chiropractic person who I'm shocked is in practice because she must have had the worst bedside manner ever... she told my wife she had "bad eggs" and would take many months of treatment to fix.
so now, in addition to the massive stress this is causing us, we need a new doctor, and my wife hasn't slept through the night after this ####### chiro person told her her eggs were bad and her chances of pregnancy were slim.
So now she thinks she needs anxiety medicine or something crazy.
You know i had a pretty low stress life going... .plenty of money, good family, good health, not too many cares in the world.. and now I could really see this situation ruining my life somehow.. i hope i'm wrong, I can't put a finger on it... but I just have this feeling somehow i'm getting screwed on this.
fatguyinalittlecoat
Footballguy
If only someone had directed you to a "no marriage" website.
The Z Machine
Footballguy
Your life will be ruined only if you let it, Dentist.
Dentist
***Official FBG Dentist***
I sure try not to let it.
But when every few weeks there is crying and disappointment it begins to consume your life.
If it leads to a dissolving marriage which i really don't want to happen it will be a big disappointment.
Dentist
***Official FBG Dentist***
yeah, where was that bass pole when I was going through this.. he could've saved me a lot of headaches
Flying Spaghetti Monster
Footballguy
Piece of unsolicited advice from FSM.
The first step in any creative process is destruction,
Decide what you want then determine what you can control
and the rest let it go.
Dentist
***Official FBG Dentist***
nice rational piece of advice.
if men were the ones getting pregnant this would be great.
but unfortunately in this case it's women, and logic and sound reasoning don't work.
Wooderson
Fight The Power
Only takes one.Had our retrieval today. Only 4 keepers
Hoping all 4 fertilize...but we'll take 1. Fingers crossed.
SouthJersey
Footballguy
True! Fingers crossed!Only takes one.Had our retrieval today. Only 4 keepers
Hoping all 4 fertilize...but we'll take 1. Fingers crossed.
flapgreen
Footballguy
bentley
Footballguy
Between Dentist and Mac this thread got a lot less cool lately.
Dentist> You really don't seem like you want to have a kid. And I don't understand why saying your wife's eggs are bad is such a big deal. You probably wouldn't be going through the things you're going through if that wasn't a factor. Regardless, y'all really need to sit down and have a real conversation about what you want instead of just getting into some cycle of misery.
Mac> A thread where people share openly about deeply emotional issues regarding fertility (which often has both male and female factors) and where people who really really want to have children are being completely supportive of each other might not be the best place for your little soapbox about who's pregnant.
Dentist> You really don't seem like you want to have a kid. And I don't understand why saying your wife's eggs are bad is such a big deal. You probably wouldn't be going through the things you're going through if that wasn't a factor. Regardless, y'all really need to sit down and have a real conversation about what you want instead of just getting into some cycle of misery.
Mac> A thread where people share openly about deeply emotional issues regarding fertility (which often has both male and female factors) and where people who really really want to have children are being completely supportive of each other might not be the best place for your little soapbox about who's pregnant.
gianmarco
Footballguy
Amen to both of these. Hopefully it can just end here and get back to being a helpful, productive thread.
Last edited by a moderator:
fatguyinalittlecoat
Footballguy
Just want everyone to know I'm menstruating right now. Aaaaaaahhhhh. Feels great.
AAABatteries
Footballguy
fatguyinalittlecoat
Footballguy
Good catch. I'm all scatterbrained because it's our heavy flow day.
Dentist
***Official FBG Dentist***
Yes, but honestly I don't want to spend 10's of thousands of dollars and have my wife go through years of stress and misery to accomplish it.
Dentist
***Official FBG Dentist***
Sorry to compromise the thread.
I see how it sounds like I don't want a kid. That's not true. I do, but if given the choice between a child after 10's of thousands of dollars and months/years of misery or no child, i'd probably take the latter.
The eggs bad comment is probably true, but saying that specifically in a direct manner like that just taps into all her fears and insecurities and we didn't need that.
It just really bums me out that her life has been so compromised by feelings of inadequacy, evenings where she reads boo-hoo stories on infertility blogs, and getting upset every time a friend or friend of friend has a baby announcement or puts baby pictures on facebook.
gianmarco
Footballguy
Sorry to say then that you don't really seem to want to have children.
There are people that will spend all they have to fulfill that dream. And after they do, you'll hear how they'd do it all over again if given the choice. You, on the other hand, despite seemingly having the means to do so without putting yourself in any type of financial hardship, just view this as some kind of large ticket item.
You should seriously reconsider if this is what you want. You do realize that, even if you were to conceive today at no further cost in the process, that your child is going to cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars over the next two decades, right? 20-30 grand now is really a drop in the bucket when you look at the big picture.
In the end, you need to stop looking at this with $$ in your head if it's what you really want. And if it is what you really want (which it hasn't seemed that way with every post you make in here), then I don't see how this short term money loss is an issue. If given the choice, you wouldn't trade your car in for a child?
fatguyinalittlecoat
Footballguy
I think you guys are being a bit harsh on Dentist. Lots of people have conflicted emotions about the process. It sucks balls.
Agree. I asked the question originally b/c I couldn't tell b/c of his tone...but he answered honestly and that's ok. Also, the logic that gianmarco stated above makes alot of sense too and perhaps Dentist hasn't looked at it in that way before
fred_1_15301
Footballguy
Good luck buddy. I'm going through something similar with my wife and couldn't agree more with the above sentiment.
Dentist
***Official FBG Dentist***
I don't want to pursue that path. If I can't have a child with my own sperm and egg than i'd prefer to retire at 45 and live out my remaining years in Barbados
Dentist
***Official FBG Dentist***
I'm fine with spending money on traditional things children require, food, medical visits, education, recreation, insurance, etc.
I don't like dumping all this money on these random treatments.
If my treatments in my office had the success rate that these guys have I'd be out of business. There just has to be a better way. Pump some drugs in, do some inseminations, hope and pray... is that really where we're at with modern medicine?
Oh, and sure i'd trade in my car.. i drive a '04 Trailblazer with 120K miles, it's worth about 5k... i've already spent more than that with all this process with zero returns.
While the money doesn't affect me financially, i've never spent so much for absolutely nothing in return but hardship and disappointment.
fatguyinalittlecoat
Footballguy
So you're just doing inseminations? That's not where we are with modern medicine. There's all sorts of IVF stuff you can do. Of course, that's way more expensive and more invasive.
I know where you're coming from. As we know from many threads on this board, we're cut from a somewhat similar cloth financially. I get everything that you're saying.
Unfortunately, getting pregnant isn't nearly as exact as filling a cavity. You just have to eventually accept the fact that you could potentially spend all this money and have nothing to show for it but heartache in return. But on the flip side, you could potentially have a child(ren), which in the end makes it +EV in my book.
There's really no other way to put it...you just need to either accept it or be transparent with your wife that you can't accept it....but then be prepared to deal with those consequences as well
mlball77
Footballguy
[SIZE=medium]Every dude that’s been through the process of struggling to have kids with his wife/gf probably has a bit of a different experience and perspective. For me, going into some of the various treatments was much more something my wife wanted to do. I wanted kids, always had, but the energy, emotion and money involved with some of the fertility treatments was not something I was too gung ho about. Frankly, I had pretty much gotten to a point where I would have been OK with no kids, or more likely foster adopting. I was largely at peace with those other paths. My wife, on the other hand, was not at all at peace with those alternatives. So, at times, she had to pull me forward through the process. And I’m glad she did. Not just because we got two wonderful little boys out of it, but because the journey, while emotionally taxing, was something that brought us even closer together. We were already super-close, but the whole process we went through made us a stronger and more unified team. Even if we ended up with no kids, and that would have been very rough, there would have still been a net benefit in the end (even though that aspect is hard to quantify). [/SIZE]
[SIZE=medium]Not sure if anything I wrote has any value... just wishing all of you struggling Dads-to-be (and Moms) the best.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=medium]Not sure if anything I wrote has any value... just wishing all of you struggling Dads-to-be (and Moms) the best.[/SIZE]
