Caught wife texting another guy and hiding it - what's the play? (1 Viewer)

[Jayded]

She's behaving like a guilty person. Your biggest chip is she's willing to somewhat come clean when you pushed.

The hope you have to salvage your marriage is to sit her down, tell her to come holistically clean, and decide from there. Any less and you'll harbor resentment and be forever mistrustful and it won't work.

 

[(HULK)]

Sucks its a Verizon phone... cause if it was AT&T or T-Mo I'd say to snag her sim card and pop it in your phone and to start texting "wuts up?", "thinking of you", and stuff to "Katie".

You'll have to snag her phone to pull that off now. Lot harder for her to not notice.

Any chance you'd know her password for Verizon, or be able to guess it? You get in there you can at least look up the call and text frequency with unknown numbers... maybe chat with helpdesk online about recovering your lost texts.

 

[(HULK)]

Do you want to get strange AND stay married? This also may be a gateway to an open marriage.

Really should think about what YOU want imo.

 

[beer 30]

take a dump on her chest

Only real play here although I would add you need to grudge #### her in the ### before you give her the boot.

...before or after chest dump?

Before I think. The chest dump dots the I and crosses the T. You don't lead with your trump card, nice way to end the relationship IMO but everyone is different.

 

[DocHolliday]

Hulk is on the right track here.

 

[comfortably numb]

We have 2 kids that are 16 and 18. This is not a fishing expedition. Not sure if I can recover texts and phone log since its her phone, don't have the phone # and account in her name as I get my phone thru work.... I was thinking of just grabbing phone and running down to verizon but doubt they would help.

Ask her to show you her phone bill?

 

[Mr. Pickles]

take a dump on her chest

Wouldn't that be rewarding the behavior?

 

[Fennis]

Did it spice up your sex life?

 

[stlrams]

We have 2 kids that are 16 and 18. This is not a fishing expedition. Not sure if I can recover texts and phone log since its her phone, don't have the phone # and account in her name as I get my phone thru work.... I was thinking of just grabbing phone and running down to verizon but doubt they would help.

You don't have your wife's phone number? Did I read that wrong?

I don't have aka Katie's number

 

[stlrams]

Did it spice up your sex life?

Yes - she been very active 2-3 X per day....

 

[stlrams]

Sucks its a Verizon phone... cause if it was AT&T or T-Mo I'd say to snag her sim card and pop it in your phone and to start texting "wuts up?", "thinking of you", and stuff to "Katie".

You'll have to snag her phone to pull that off now. Lot harder for her to not notice.

Any chance you'd know her password for Verizon, or be able to guess it? You get in there you can at least look up the call and text frequency with unknown numbers... maybe chat with helpdesk online about recovering your lost texts.

I've looked at her phone. Everything is deleted for Katie contact, katie text, recent phone calls...

 

[randall146]

Did it spice up your sex life?

Yes - she been very active 2-3 X per day....

Obviously, but the question is whether it spiced up YOUR sex life

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

Sorry to hear. Good luck.

 

[Captain Quinoa]

Did it spice up your sex life?

Yes - she been very active 2-3 X per day....

Shiiiiit I'd take that trade off

 

[stlrams]

She's behaving like a guilty person. Your biggest chip is she's willing to somewhat come clean when you pushed.

The hope you have to salvage your marriage is to sit her down, tell her to come holistically clean, and decide from there. Any less and you'll harbor resentment and be forever mistrustful and it won't work.

I spent 3 days pissed off beyond belief and the last 2 days probbing about what happen. She swears nothing physical ever happen - just texting. She's been telling me she doesn't want divorce and wants to spend the rest of her life with me.... I took her GPS this morning and went thru all the recent addresses and came up with nothing...

 

[kentric]

You should focus on the positive, based on what you have told us it sounds like she has only blown him.

+1. The question is, did the swallow.

Did the swallow what?

And was it an African or European swallow?

I don't know. agggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

[McGarnicle]

Did it spice up your sex life?

Yes - she been very active 2-3 X per day....

Better hope Katie don't have the herps.

 

[Al O'Pecia]

Did it spice up your sex life?

Yes - she been very active 2-3 X per day....

2-3 times per day after 22 years of marriage? Dude, you need to make this sound more believable.

 

[Annyong]

I'm beginning to think Katie is a name she made up for this guy

 

[El Floppo]

She's behaving like a guilty person. Your biggest chip is she's willing to somewhat come clean when you pushed.

The hope you have to salvage your marriage is to sit her down, tell her to come holistically clean, and decide from there. Any less and you'll harbor resentment and be forever mistrustful and it won't work.

I spent 3 days pissed off beyond belief and the last 2 days probbing about what happen. She swears nothing physical ever happen - just texting. She's been telling me she doesn't want divorce and wants to spend the rest of her life with me.... I took her GPS this morning and went thru all the recent addresses and came up with nothing...

oof.

silver lining, it (flirting or whatever she was doing and then getting caught) could be the wake-up call she needed to reinvigorate and recommit her relationship to you. if.. IF you can ever forgive her and trust her again.

otherwise... damn. GL

 

[ChiefD]

Something like this is like the warden leaving your prison door open. Be free Andy Dufresne, be free.....

 

[Dentist]

take a dump on her chest

Wouldn't that be rewarding the behavior?

the dumper gets the reward, not the dumpee

 

[randall146]

She's behaving like a guilty person. Your biggest chip is she's willing to somewhat come clean when you pushed.

The hope you have to salvage your marriage is to sit her down, tell her to come holistically clean, and decide from there. Any less and you'll harbor resentment and be forever mistrustful and it won't work.

I spent 3 days pissed off beyond belief and the last 2 days probbing about what happen. She swears nothing physical ever happen - just texting. She's been telling me she doesn't want divorce and wants to spend the rest of her life with me.... I took her GPS this morning and went thru all the recent addresses and came up with nothing...

Maybe I'm oversimplifying, but if it's just texting and she wants to spend the rest of her life with you, she'd voluntarily turn over all the texts. If she won't, she cheated and/or said things in the text that prioritize keeping them secret over preserving her marriage.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

take a dump on her chest

Wouldn't that be rewarding the behavior?

the dumper gets the reward, not the dumpee

I see.

 

[General Malaise]

Show up unannounced to her office and shake hands with every male coworker. Find the ones without wedding rings and grip tightly as you stare knowlingly into their eyes. Squeeze harder on the ones who are not obese, ugly or gay.

Be territorial. Do something that might frighten "Katie".... Like staple your forehead and smile at the pain.

 

[Tom Hagen]

Sucks its a Verizon phone... cause if it was AT&T or T-Mo I'd say to snag her sim card and pop it in your phone and to start texting "wuts up?", "thinking of you", and stuff to "Katie".

Just in case

 

[General Malaise]

take a dump on her chest

Wouldn't that be rewarding the behavior?

the dumper gets the reward, not the dumpee

Where does the toilet paper go? Always wondered this. Because what kind of animal takes a dump on a chest without wiping?

 

[Angry Beavers]

Sounds like getting busted before anything serious happened was the wakeup call she needed. Take the sexin' while its good and pay better attention moving forward...

 

[tonydead]

get texts

 

[eoMMan]

Sounds like getting busted before anything serious happened was the wakeup call she needed. Take the sexin' while its good and pay better attention moving forward...

I don't believe her. Like others said, her deleting everything shows she was hiding more. He really needs those texts and her to tell the truth.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

I'm beginning to think Katie is a name she made up for this guy

 

[StrikeS2k]

Maybe I missed it but has OP said what he WANTS out of this? I mean, some people after 22 years are at a point where they aren't going to leave a marriage but if the door opens they might take it. Kids are basically grown up at this point. So this could be an opportunity if the opportunity is wanted.

 

[beer 30]

take a dump on her chest

Wouldn't that be rewarding the behavior?

the dumper gets the reward, not the dumpee

Where does the toilet paper go? Always wondered this. Because what kind of animal takes a dump on a chest without wiping?

It's my understanding that the dumpee is also responsible for said cleanup duties but I am not the officiando here. I'll hang up and wait for Dentist to call in.

 

[StrikeS2k]

I'm beginning to think Katie is a name she made up for this guy

It's probably Jake from State Farm.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

take a dump on her chest

Wouldn't that be rewarding the behavior?

the dumper gets the reward, not the dumpee

Where does the toilet paper go? Always wondered this. Because what kind of animal takes a dump on a chest without wiping?

That's when you call her little dog up onto the bed and use it for T.P. Alternatively you can use her cat, her stuffed animals, if she's that type, her hair, or her pillow.

 

[fruity pebbles]

Think it through whether you really want to see those texts. People will say things via text or email they'd never say in person. Once you see them, they can never be unseen and you'll be thinking about the content forever. Especially if you want to try and make the marriage work.

 

[stlrams]

Did it spice up your sex life?

Yes - she been very active 2-3 X per day....

2-3 times per day after 22 years of marriage? Dude, you need to make this sound more believable.

I'm not kidding.....

 

[Golden Gopher]

Best case, she is telling the truth, and she deleted the texts because there were things that were discussed that she would rather you not see. As in, maybe in the process of talking about his marriage/divorce, she mentioned parts of your marriage that she's not happy about, or wanted to vent to somebody about. If "Katie" confided in her, it might have been an opportunity for her to do the same, but on a lesser level.

Worst case, it's a whole lot more than that, and if that's the case, you might never know the truth. In other words, she could just continue to deny, deny, deny... and you would be left always wondering what is really the truth.

Not knowing you or your wife, it is impossible for me to say which is a more likely scenario. But, if I had to pick, I'd go with the former. Basically, I've been in similar situations with my wife (not exactly the same, but sort of), and I don't think that being secretive with a phone and/or deleting texts always equates to banging some guy. It could mean that, but certainly doesn't have to. Women are f'ing weird, and it's impossible to figure them out completely.

As far as what to do next, in all seriousness, you have a few options (besides dumping on chest, finding some strange yourself, etc.).

- Sit her down, explain to her that you feel like she MAY have done something more than what she's telling you, and ask her how she can help put your mind at ease. If she doesn't come up with it herself, suggest the phone bill thing, recovering texts, etc. Explain to her that, if some inappropriate things were said in the conversations, that still might be much better than what you're imagining (as a worst-case scenario), and encourage her to just lay it all on the table.

- Give it a couple of weeks, and then start doing some of the same things, with YOUR phone. Create (or change) a passcode, etc. Then, when she brings it up (which she most certainly will), ask her how that feels.

- Start hiding money, just in case. Seriously.

Honestly, if I was having sex with my wife 2-3 times/day, I don't really think I would care who she's texting. That's the most unbelievable part of all of this, for me.

 

[Sabertooth]

Get a private investigator on her stat. Probably be the best money you ever spend. Either she's being honest and you can go to sleep at night know that or she's ####### this guy and you can plan accordingly.

 

[StrikeS2k]

Think it through whether you really want to see those texts. People will say things via text or email they'd never say in person. Once you see them, they can never be unseen and you'll be thinking about the content forever. Especially if you want to try and make the marriage work.

If he doesn't see them he'll be thinking about what they COULD say forever, which might be a lot worse than what they actually say.

 

[(HULK)]

Sucks its a Verizon phone... cause if it was AT&T or T-Mo I'd say to snag her sim card and pop it in your phone and to start texting "wuts up?", "thinking of you", and stuff to "Katie".

You'll have to snag her phone to pull that off now. Lot harder for her to not notice.

Any chance you'd know her password for Verizon, or be able to guess it? You get in there you can at least look up the call and text frequency with unknown numbers... maybe chat with helpdesk online about recovering your lost texts.

I've looked at her phone. Everything is deleted for Katie contact, katie text, recent phone calls...

This is basically an admission of guilt.

 

[fruity pebbles]

Think it through whether you really want to see those texts. People will say things via text or email they'd never say in person. Once you see them, they can never be unseen and you'll be thinking about the content forever. Especially if you want to try and make the marriage work.

If he doesn't see them he'll be thinking about what they COULD say forever, which might be a lot worse than what they actually say.

Doubt it. If she deleted them they were bad. If he wants to make it work he'd be better off convincing himself it was nothing major vs knowing it was. If he's on the fence, sure take a look.

 

[ROCKET]

First of all I'm sorry for the gut punch you are no doubt enduring. I think you need to tell us if your relationship was bad/good/great before all this and how committed you are to it? Everyone is different.

I have a good to great marriage (every marriage has challenges) and love my wife but I can say with 100% certainty if I caught her texting some guy behind my back we would be finished regardless if she screwed him or not. It's a matter of trust and if you truly love someone you don't do sheit like that to them.

 

[fruity pebbles]

First of all I'm sorry for the gut punch you are no doubt enduring. I think you need to tell us if your relationship was bad/good/great before all this and how committed you are to it? Everyone is different.

I have a good to great marriage (every marriage has challenges) and love my wife but I can say with 100% certainty if I caught her texting some guy behind my back we would be finished regardless if she screwed him or not. It's a matter of trust and if you truly love someone you don't do sheit like that to them.

Do you have kids?

 

[(HULK)]

We can make up texts that are almost definitely what she deleted if you want.

Katie: Hey gurl, sup?
Wife: Hey KATIE :snickers:.

Katie: Lol. Merry sexmas yo

Wife: Teehee. Stuck here with the no balls and chain. Missing u

Katie: me2. Gots to get sum soon.

Wife: I need you in me.

Katie: I'm going to go ham all up in you like a jit in a Dollar General.

Wife: I want you to murder my vag

Katie: not just that... all holes filled ho ho ho

Wife: Ugh... he's looking at me. Better sex him again so he doesn't get suspicious

Katie: ttyl

 

[3C's]

Best case, she is telling the truth, and she deleted the texts because there were things that were discussed that she would rather you not see. As in, maybe in the process of talking about his marriage/divorce, she mentioned parts of your marriage that she's not happy about, or wanted to vent to somebody about. If "Katie" confided in her, it might have been an opportunity for her to do the same, but on a lesser level.

Worst case, it's a whole lot more than that, and if that's the case, you might never know the truth. In other words, she could just continue to deny, deny, deny... and you would be left always wondering what is really the truth.

Not knowing you or your wife, it is impossible for me to say which is a more likely scenario. But, if I had to pick, I'd go with the former. Basically, I've been in similar situations with my wife (not exactly the same, but sort of), and I don't think that being secretive with a phone and/or deleting texts always equates to banging some guy. It could mean that, but certainly doesn't have to. Women are f'ing weird, and it's impossible to figure them out completely.

As far as what to do next, in all seriousness, you have a few options (besides dumping on chest, finding some strange yourself, etc.).

- Sit her down, explain to her that you feel like she MAY have done something more than what she's telling you, and ask her how she can help put your mind at ease. If she doesn't come up with it herself, suggest the phone bill thing, recovering texts, etc. Explain to her that, if some inappropriate things were said in the conversations, that still might be much better than what you're imagining (as a worst-case scenario), and encourage her to just lay it all on the table.

cut out the last parts though.

 

[Wildcat]

I've been in a similar situation. There is more than texting going on. I'm speaking from experience. She will deny, deny, deny until she is convinced herself there is nothing more than texting. Sorry dude.

 

[(HULK)]

First of all I'm sorry for the gut punch you are no doubt enduring. I think you need to tell us if your relationship was bad/good/great before all this and how committed you are to it? Everyone is different.

I have a good to great marriage (every marriage has challenges) and love my wife but I can say with 100% certainty if I caught her texting some guy behind my back we would be finished regardless if she screwed him or not. It's a matter of trust and if you truly love someone you don't do sheit like that to them.

Do you have kids?

2 he says. 16 and 18.

 

[belljr]

I'm beginning to think Katie is a name she made up for this guy

 

[Peyton Marino]

We have 2 kids that are 16 and 18. This is not a fishing expedition. Not sure if I can recover texts and phone log since its her phone, don't have the phone # and account in her name as I get my phone thru work.... I was thinking of just grabbing phone and running down to verizon but doubt they would help.

Drag your divorce out for 2 years so you don't have to pay child support.

LOL