Caught wife texting another guy and hiding it - what's the play? (1 Viewer)

[Zow]

There are 2, possibly separate, reasons why she deleted the texts

1) sexting

2) complaining about her own marriage, likely putting the original poster is a bad light

What would the original poster prefer if he ends up seeing the texts if there was a choice between the two above scenarios?

And neither divorce worthy IMO.

I'd strongly contemplate divorcing my wife if she was sexting another guy.

What if it was just dong shots (no reciprocal) and the texts were asking how said dong shots compared to her "man"

I interpreted "sexting" as her sending naked pics or describe intercourse with the guy or something.

 

[Zow]

Get her best friend alone sometime soon and ask her if she knew that wife was cheating.

You will be able to tell by her reaction if she went all the way or it was just emotional (and hopefully wife has a good friend she would share this with)

If wife complains, tell her that due to her destroying the evidence you were forced to use more extreme measures to determine how far her infidelity went.

I would also confront the guy, I doubt he will just layoff and the first time you fight with your wife he will try to swoop back in. Make sure he u derstands the consequencesof doing this....if he is recently divorced there is a lot of other tail he can chase.

I never understood the confronting the guy thinking. She's the one at fault here. Honestly, if it wasn't him, it would probably be some other dude.

Don't get mad at the guy....get mad at your spouse.

I understand it to the extent that you don't want to blame the person you love, but it's wholly irrational to blame the other person.

 

[cstu]

Did it spice up your sex life?

Yes - she been very active 2-3 X per day....

2-3 times per day after 22 years of marriage? Dude, you need to make this sound more believable.

It is believable if she's cheating.

 

[mr roboto]

Get her best friend alone sometime soon and ask her if she knew that wife was cheating.

You will be able to tell by her reaction if she went all the way or it was just emotional (and hopefully wife has a good friend she would share this with)

If wife complains, tell her that due to her destroying the evidence you were forced to use more extreme measures to determine how far her infidelity went.

I would also confront the guy, I doubt he will just layoff and the first time you fight with your wife he will try to swoop back in. Make sure he u derstands the consequencesof doing this....if he is recently divorced there is a lot of other tail he can chase.

I never understood the confronting the guy thinking. She's the one at fault here. Honestly, if it wasn't him, it would probably be some other dude.Don't get mad at the guy....get mad at your spouse.

I understand it to the extent that you don't want to blame the person you love, but it's wholly irrational to blame the other person.

Not wholly irrational unless the guy literally didn't know she was married. I would make 1 contact (email or letter or something) just to feel like I did something to show him what a pos he was and how it ruined our family. Now if I was friends with the guy or knew him well I may take it a bit farther.

 

[cstu]

I still don't see the big deal with sexting. Before there was sexting women just went around flashing their boobs. Hardly something to give up 22 years of marriage over.

How old are you?

 

[Zow]

Get her best friend alone sometime soon and ask her if she knew that wife was cheating.

You will be able to tell by her reaction if she went all the way or it was just emotional (and hopefully wife has a good friend she would share this with)

If wife complains, tell her that due to her destroying the evidence you were forced to use more extreme measures to determine how far her infidelity went.

I would also confront the guy, I doubt he will just layoff and the first time you fight with your wife he will try to swoop back in. Make sure he u derstands the consequencesof doing this....if he is recently divorced there is a lot of other tail he can chase.

I never understood the confronting the guy thinking. She's the one at fault here. Honestly, if it wasn't him, it would probably be some other dude.Don't get mad at the guy....get mad at your spouse.

I understand it to the extent that you don't want to blame the person you love, but it's wholly irrational to blame the other person.

Not wholly irrational unless the guy literally didn't know she was married. I would make 1 contact (email or letter or something) just to feel like I did something to show him what a pos he was and how it ruined our family.Now if I was friends with the guy or knew him well I may take it a bit farther.

This part a do understand. If it was my buddy I'd be pretty pissed at the betrayal.

But to your initial point, you do see how in reality it was the other guy that ruined the marriage, right? I mean, I think we can all agree that a cheater is likely to cheat regardless of who it is with.

 

[cstu]

If the 2-3 times a day is a break from the norm, I would be very wary. My BIL's ex-wife was cheating on him, and got all crazy in the sack with the BIL for several months before the fire hose simply shut off and it was the beginning of the end. Texting isn't necessarily indicative of a physical affair, but at a minimum, an emotional one. 100%. Maybe she's broken it off, maybe not. You can get various GPS programs or trackers, or a voice activated recorder you can drop in her car if you aren't convinced the shenanigans have stopped. Either way, good luck getting through this time.

 

[Ned]

I wonder if these people want to change things up go out for some nice Cajun or White Castle or something, then crap all over eachother. I would imagine they prolly have an extra room all Dexter'ed out for these types of things. I guess you could also just do it in the bathtub and you waffle stomp the poops through the drain.

Holy ####.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I still don't see the big deal with sexting. Before there was sexting women just went around flashing their boobs. Hardly something to give up 22 years of marriage over.

 

[CurlyNight]

We have 2 kids that are 16 and 18. This is not a fishing expedition. Not sure if I can recover texts and phone log since its her phone, don't have the phone # and account in her name as I get my phone thru work.... I was thinking of just grabbing phone and running down to verizon but doubt they would help.

Then imo time to move on if you find that she's cheated. Many cheaters tend to remain repeat cheaters at some point in their lives. Your kids are old enough so that shouldn't be a concern should you need to entertain the splitting up route. Good luck!

 

[CurlyNight]

I'd like to hear some of these hiding money success stories.

In a very similar situation, I started hiding cash at the first sign of trouble. Successfully squirreled away several thousand before the divorce was final.

Niiice! It's no wonder I always refuse to get married. Don't want kids so why get married? My SO and I are much happier and less stressed than most "happily" married folks are.

 

[(HULK)]

I still don't see the big deal with sexting. Before there was sexting women just went around flashing their boobs. Hardly something to give up 22 years of marriage over.

Its not the same as flashing your boobs in public. This is more like her showing her chesticles to 1 man in a locked room away from everyone.

Flashing your boobs in public = probably not leading to something

Showing your milkers to a dude in private = probably leading to something

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I still don't see the big deal with sexting. Before there was sexting women just went around flashing their boobs. Hardly something to give up 22 years of marriage over.

Its not the same as flashing your boobs in public. This is more like her showing her chesticles to 1 man in a locked room away from everyone.

Flashing your boobs in public = probably not leading to something

Showing your milkers to a dude in private = probably leading to something

 

[Baloney Sandwich]

Have you and your wife gone on any camping trips lately?

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

I think we can all agree that a cheater is likely to cheat regardless of who it is with.

I'm not sure I agree with this.

 

[mr roboto]

I think we can all agree that a cheater is likely to cheat regardless of who it is with.

I'm not sure I agree with this.

Me neither. I would place a vast majority of the blame on my wife but there is no way you can say 'well if it wasn't this guy it would have been someone else.'What if he was a dog and pursued her intentionally and took advantage of her in some moment of weakness? And if she came clean right after that happened? In that scenario I would put a lot more blame on the guy.

In other words, not all cheaters are spending years intentionally going behind their spouses' back. Some, sure. Sometimes it's very much helped by a #### bag with no scruples.

 

[Eminence]

A little background here, wife of 22 years who never gave any hint of cheating. At 11:30 Christmas eve, a text comes from Katie. The next day I ask who is Katie, she tells me its coworker from NY. When I ask why CT #, she goes on to tell me its really a divorce guy she works with that going thru a tough time. I ask to see text but they're all deleted and when I ask that we can recover deleted texts she refuses saying I would get wrong message. She has hid her phone, changed the passcode, deleted everything from ipad, and deleted all recent phone #'s. She indicates nothing ever happen outside of having a few drinks one night at a work function....

There are a few ways to handle this.

Get a keylogger installed on here phone to scan her texts. There are a few programs out there for this, I'll let you do your own due diligence. Assuming you pay for the phone, you have the right to do so.

Since she has a password on her phone, figure out a way to break / lose her current phone and bring her home a new iPhone 6 with this software installed. While sneaking around behind her back isn't nice, she tried pulling that same bull#### on you. I doubt you have much peace of mind and if she's like any girl I know, she's constantly slinking around on her phone.

This is your only option in my opinion, old sport. If you find out she's cheating then what you do from there is 100% up to you.

 

[Ned]

chesticles

ugh

 

[Eminence]

Also, you said you are on Verizon? That's great. In the Account management portal you can see:

1.) Who she is calling. What time. How long.
2.) Who she is texting. What time.

I busted my ex-girlfriend cheating on me in exactly this same way. Want to know what I did? I shut her phone off and dumped her.

 

[Green and Gold]

A girl doesn't label a guy 'Katie' on her phone if she isn't guilty of something, unless the husband is the type to get irrationally jealous over the littlest thing. Also, it seems strange that she would come out with, "You're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with." That is normally something that goes without saying in a marriage. If she verbalized that to you after you found out about "Katie" then it's probably something she's thought about recently, probably because of the affair (emotional, physical, or both).

 

[Mr. Pickles]

Also, you said you are on Verizon? That's great. In the Account management portal you can see:

1.) Who she is calling. What time. How long.

2.) Who she is texting. What time.

I busted my ex-girlfriend cheating on me in exactly this same way. Want to know what I did? I shut her phone off and dumped her.

Ice cold, bro.

 

[Green and Gold]

Also, you said you are on Verizon? That's great. In the Account management portal you can see:

1.) Who she is calling. What time. How long.

2.) Who she is texting. What time.

I busted my ex-girlfriend cheating on me in exactly this same way. Want to know what I did? I shut her phone off and dumped her.

Ice cold, bro.

Em, how are you paying for your phone and someone else's phone on near-minimum wage? Maybe I'm way behind the times on your job history. Sometimes I don't read the post dates on threads, so I could have been thinking of 2008 Eminence.

 

[mr roboto]

He will come back as pop secret

 

[GOB]

Also, you said you are on Verizon? That's great. In the Account management portal you can see:

1.) Who she is calling. What time. How long.

2.) Who she is texting. What time.

I busted my ex-girlfriend cheating on me in exactly this same way. Want to know what I did? I shut her phone off and dumped her.

Ice cold, bro.

Yeah that's crazy. You know Verizon has some really scary early termination fees.

 

[The Duff Man]

When I mentioned contacting the dude I assumed:

1. The relationship wasnt physical yet

2. He wanted to stay with his wife

The conversation would be something like: "I get it..you want to bone my wife. We are staying together and it ain't happening for you. There are lots of other married chicks you can chase if that is your thing. But do you really want to be the guy who broke up a coworkers marriage? That is not a good look."

If the physical already happened and staying with the wife was not an option I would go ahead make sure EVERYONE knew it.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Who do you think the Rams will take with their first couple of draft picks? I think they really need a QB.

 

[General Malaise]

How does your wife normally groom down below? Has it changed in the last few months?

This is actually actually true. Trust me.

 

[General Malaise]

I wonder if these people want to change things up go out for some nice Cajun or White Castle or something, then crap all over eachother. I would imagine they prolly have an extra room all Dexter'ed out for these types of things. I guess you could also just do it in the bathtub and you waffle stomp the poops through the drain.

Holy ####.

 

[matuski]

Also, you said you are on Verizon? That's great. In the Account management portal you can see:

1.) Who she is calling. What time. How long.

2.) Who she is texting. What time.

I busted my ex-girlfriend cheating on me in exactly this same way. Want to know what I did? I shut her phone off and dumped her.

Were you having sex with her?

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

How does your wife normally groom down below? Has it changed in the last few months?

This is actually actually true. Trust me.

Also true for men?

 

[Brony]

I think Katie is code for k a tie, as in "OK, a tie". Have you noticed any new men in her life that wear ties? If so, look for the ones that seem OK.

 

[General Malaise]

How does your wife normally groom down below? Has it changed in the last few months?

This is actually actually true. Trust me.

Also true for men?

Less so but yeah.

 

[Binky The Doormat]

Also, you said you are on Verizon? That's great. In the Account management portal you can see:

1.) Who she is calling. What time. How long.

2.) Who she is texting. What time.

I busted my ex-girlfriend cheating on me in exactly this same way. Want to know what I did? I shut her phone off and dumped her.

Seasoned vet here - listen up.

 

[Zow]

We have 2 kids that are 16 and 18. This is not a fishing expedition. Not sure if I can recover texts and phone log since its her phone, don't have the phone # and account in her name as I get my phone thru work.... I was thinking of just grabbing phone and running down to verizon but doubt they would help.

Then imo time to move on if you find that she's cheated. Many cheaters tend to remain repeat cheaters at some point in their lives. Your kids are old enough so that shouldn't be a concern should you need to entertain the splitting up route. Good luck!

X

 

[Zow]

Also, you said you are on Verizon? That's great. In the Account management portal you can see:

1.) Who she is calling. What time. How long.

2.) Who she is texting. What time.

I busted my ex-girlfriend cheating on me in exactly this same way. Want to know what I did? I shut her phone off and dumped her.

Ice cold, bro.

Yeah that's crazy. You know Verizon has some really scary early termination fees.

I hear the really wise thing to do is to maintain a cell phone plan for up to a year after a messy breakup.

 

[Zow]

I think we can all agree that a cheater is likely to cheat regardless of who it is with.

I'm not sure I agree with this.

I did include the term "likely".

 

[joey]

I'd like to hear some of these hiding money success stories.

In a very similar situation, I started hiding cash at the first sign of trouble. Successfully squirreled away several thousand before the divorce was final.

Niiice! It's no wonder I always refuse to get married. Don't want kids so why get married? My SO and I are much happier and less stressed than most "happily" married folks are.

I did the same when my 1st marriage ended a decade+ ago. Granted, we had no kids and only a savings account and the furniture in our apartment, so our situation was much simpler, but for the 6 months we were separated before the official divorce, I would withdraw a couple/few hundred from our joint account every few days (hey, a guys gotta eat and go out and all, eh?) and over that time ended up squirreling away 10k in an envelope in my sad single guy temporary apartment. . So when we officially split the savings money, what she thought was a 50/50 split was really more like 60/40.

I took it as payment for my pain and suffering.

 

[NutterButter]

I'd like to hear some of these hiding money success stories.

In a very similar situation, I started hiding cash at the first sign of trouble. Successfully squirreled away several thousand before the divorce was final.

I'm a little thick. What's the point of hiding money?

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

How does your wife normally groom down below? Has it changed in the last few months?

This is actually actually true. Trust me.

Also true for men?

Less so but yeah.

Hmm, I switched things up down there a few months ago. Wonder if my wife thinks something is up.

 

[Long Ball Larry]

I'd like to hear some of these hiding money success stories.

In a very similar situation, I started hiding cash at the first sign of trouble. Successfully squirreled away several thousand before the divorce was final.

Niiice! It's no wonder I always refuse to get married. Don't want kids so why get married? My SO and I are much happier and less stressed than most "happily" married folks are.

I did the same when my 1st marriage ended a decade+ ago. Granted, we had no kids and only a savings account and the furniture in our apartment, so our situation was much simpler, but for the 6 months we were separated before the official divorce, I would withdraw a couple/few hundred from our joint account every few days (hey, a guys gotta eat and go out and all, eh?) and over that time ended up squirreling away 10k in an envelope in my sad single guy temporary apartment. . So when we officially split the savings money, what she thought was a 50/50 split was really more like 60/40.

I took it as payment for my pain and suffering.

I guess you did the divorce yourselves? If she had an attorney, wouldn't you be required to report all assets?

 

[joey]

Because you split everything in half, at least in CA. It's "no fault" so you don't get more if she cheats. So, I thought it was unfair to get half of our money (when I was bringing home 75% of the cash) so I wanted to even it out a bit before the court split it all.

 

[Long Ball Larry]

Because you split everything in half, at least in CA. It's "no fault" so you don't get more if she cheats. So, I thought it was unfair to get half of our money (when I was bringing home 75% of the cash) so I wanted to even it out a bit before the court split it all.

wouldn't you be required to report all assets?

 

[joey]

I'd like to hear some of these hiding money success stories.

In a very similar situation, I started hiding cash at the first sign of trouble. Successfully squirreled away several thousand before the divorce was final.

Niiice! It's no wonder I always refuse to get married. Don't want kids so why get married? My SO and I are much happier and less stressed than most "happily" married folks are.

I did the same when my 1st marriage ended a decade+ ago. Granted, we had no kids and only a savings account and the furniture in our apartment, so our situation was much simpler, but for the 6 months we were separated before the official divorce, I would withdraw a couple/few hundred from our joint account every few days (hey, a guys gotta eat and go out and all, eh?) and over that time ended up squirreling away 10k in an envelope in my sad single guy temporary apartment. . So when we officially split the savings money, what she thought was a 50/50 split was really more like 60/40.I took it as payment for my pain and suffering.

I guess you did the divorce yourselves? If she had an attorney, wouldn't you be required to report all assets?

We did it very simply with a lawyer who really just assisted us in filling out the forms and stuff. Like I said, we didn't have much (just 50k and some furniture. No kids, house or big investments at the time). So we listed it all and split it but I was squirreling BEFORE all that official paperwork was done with the balances of accounts listed and all.

 

[JerseyToughGuys]

mmm, stomped waffles

 

[Dentist]

mmm, stomped waffles

Tennis Or racquetball racket makes a really nice formation on a soft enough dump

 

[Kanil]

mmm, stomped waffles

Tennis Or racquetball racket makes a really nice formation on a soft enough dump

Now I'm just imagining that's poop in your avatar's teeth.

 

[captain_amazing]

I wonder if these people want to change things up go out for some nice Cajun or White Castle or something, then crap all over eachother. I would imagine they prolly have an extra room all Dexter'ed out for these types of things. I guess you could also just do it in the bathtub and you waffle stomp the poops through the drain.

Holy ####.

this isn't getting enough love

 

[comfortably numb]

I wonder if these people want to change things up go out for some nice Cajun or White Castle or something, then crap all over eachother. I would imagine they prolly have an extra room all Dexter'ed out for these types of things. I guess you could also just do it in the bathtub and you waffle stomp the poops through the drain.

Holy ####.

this isn't getting enough love

I feel an alias coming

 

[CurlyNight]

We have 2 kids that are 16 and 18. This is not a fishing expedition. Not sure if I can recover texts and phone log since its her phone, don't have the phone # and account in her name as I get my phone thru work.... I was thinking of just grabbing phone and running down to verizon but doubt they would help.

Then imo time to move on if you find that she's cheated. Many cheaters tend to remain repeat cheaters at some point in their lives. Your kids are old enough so that shouldn't be a concern should you need to entertain the splitting up route. Good luck!

X

I was 17 when my parents split. Yes it was hard to see but I was on my way out of the house off to university in a year. I was long beyond needing both parents to raise me is the best (in most situations) time frame. That last year was brutal on me watching the demise. No cheating happened, just arguing started to get 10 x more with mom winding up in tears most of the time. Now I look back and wish for their sake (and mine and my bro's) it was sooner so they could start over again sooner...

 

[CurlyNight]

Because you split everything in half, at least in CA. It's "no fault" so you don't get more if she cheats. So, I thought it was unfair to get half of our money (when I was bringing home 75% of the cash) so I wanted to even it out a bit before the court split it all.

wouldn't you be required to report all assets?

Of course but not if the dough is out of sight... and you don't want to play by them rules... as Joey felt it unfair and played judge where the cash was concerned.