"I'm Done Making My Kid's Childhood Magical" (1 Viewer)

[Doug B]

More than one person has proclaimed that making your kids your #1 priority is flawed parenting ...

I've missed most of this thread, but did anyone really post that in those words?

A lot of the terms being used in this are not precisely defined -- or even defineable, really. "Child-centric", "child-focused", etc. But I think there's an assumptions of "you know what I mean". But maybe such understanding shouldn't be assumed at all.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

A child is to be a part of the family, not the center of it. Too many families are making their child the focus of the family and that misalignment of priorities is dangerous for both the child and the parents.

True this.

Doug -- This was the exchange.

 

[General Malaise]

God, dance sounds like torture. My wife is on board with no dance for our daughter ever.

Dance is the most expensive, most time-intensive of all activities. If you are in competition the time/money suck is unbelievable. That said, if your kid wants to try it out then loves it, waddyagonnado? My daughter loves it but voluntarily gave up competition so she could play softball. She'll never give up her "regular" dance classes voluntarily and I would never want her to.Just my take, but when they find something that they love like that, you owe it to them to make it happen if at all possible. Lots of folks seem to miss that point. It really ain't much about you once you have kids. If that's not OK, then don't have them.

Baloney. They're kids. Jesus. Lots of them eat their own boogers. Do you owe it to them to let them do that too? They love princesses and Barbie dolls. They don't know #### about #### yet.Dance, gymnastics, tap, etc. These are all activities that require huge time commitments and have a very short shelf life. Do you know any 32 year old women that go do gymnastics on the weekends? How about that do dance recitals?

This isn't like tennis, golf, basketball, where you can do it the rest of your life without much effort.

The worst thing about activities like this is that you create a vicious cycle. You know what old gymnasts do? They push their daughters to be gymnasts and go spend hours at meets because there is no other way to relive their glory days.

You guys are pieces of work. It's dance -- it's no less valid an athletic activity than any other sport. Just because you don't like it doesn't make it less valid. Who do you think those activities are for -- you or your kid? My daughter loves dance -- LOVES it. She practices around the house constantly. But I guess it's like eating her boogers because it isn't tennis. Ridiculous.

I think you are a good dad for providing this to your daughter and I don't knock parents who want to provide activities to their kids, especially if their kids love those activities.

What I object to is the entire dance industry in this country. You said it above: Dance is the most expensive, most time-intensive of all activities.

Okay, that's not cool. Soon enough, I'm going to have 5 kids. FIVE. There is no way on earth that I can allocate the kind of time dance requires to one of my kids AND make myself available to the other kids. I have coached youth sports since 2009 and am a fixture on the sidelines for my sons' sports. As soon as my daughter turns 4, she will be playing youth soccer and I will be her coach. You know what's great about sports for kids? They are the opposite of dance in that they are affordable (at the rec level) and sensitive to parents' time. Practices are 1-2 days a week, usually 60-90 minutes and you have one game on a weekend that lasts an hour. Tops. And the games? They are a blast, especially once the kids are 9-12 years old. A. Blast. To coach, to watch, to get involved with.

Tell me a 5 hour dance recital where your daughter may appear for a max of 15 minutes is a BLAST! That sounds like torture. And the cost? Prohbitive. So no, there won't be dance for my kids. I don't have time for it and I certainly won't have the money for it. Not with 5 kids. Does that make me a bad dad? Perhaps, but I will offer plenty of other activities for them in life and will be there every step of the way. Just not dance.

 

[Tennessee_ATO]

There was also this, Doug:

God, dance sounds like torture. My wife is on board with no dance for our daughter ever.

Dance is the most expensive, most time-intensive of all activities. If you are in competition the time/money suck is unbelievable. That said, if your kid wants to try it out then loves it, waddyagonnado? My daughter loves it but voluntarily gave up competition so she could play softball. She'll never give up her "regular" dance classes voluntarily and I would never want her to.

Just my take, but when they find something that they love like that, you owe it to them to make it happen if at all possible. Lots of folks seem to miss that point. It really ain't much about you once you have kids. If that's not OK, then don't have them.

I think that is idiotic advice.

This is why our country is turning into the suck.

Who is raising who here?

Ever hear of "limit setting"?

 

[Brony]

I feel like there are tons of businesses that exploit the vulnerability of parents want to do right by their kids. Quite frankly, it makes me mad that I haven't been able to get in on this gold rush.

 

[Doug B]

Doug -- This was the exchange.

Hmmm ... a lot of imprecise wording there:

"A child is to be a part of the family, not the center of it. Too many families are making their child the focus of the family ..."

Maybe what you'd call "the center of the family" is what someone else means when they say "part of the family". Specifics matter here -- if a home is "child-focused", what does that actually mean? Could mean the child straight up rules the roost -- goes to bed whenever, has total control of the remote, makes everyone else eat what they want to eat 7 nights a week, etc.

On the other hand, "child-focused" might not mean that at all. Could just mean that the parents care for their kids in a largely unobjectionable "ordinary" way (but in truth, if you lay out enough details, you can always find someone to onject to something).

Further down the line, someone could express resentment of their parental responsibilities as a lament about how their life has become "child-focused": "I've got to do everything for my 6-year-old ... it was 9 at night and the kid was complaining about being hungry ... I told him to get in the kitchen and find the Lucky Charms ... shees, never get a minute."

So ... what does "child-focused" really mean in and of itself?

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

Maybe "not 5 kids" is an easier solution than "not dance."

 

[Macdaddy_2004]

My daughter is turning 4 in a month - I am paying 200 bucks to have an actress from the Disney Cruise line come over and entertain her and a few of her friends.

Not doing it to show off but genuinely cause I think she'll enjoy it and that's what its about. My parents never did that kind of stuff for me not because they didn't want to but probably this kind of stuff wasn't available and they didn't have an extra 200 bucks lieing around.

That being said I agree there are some weirdo parents out there who are mostly doing it to show off.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

Doug -- this was the context --

Tennessee, I think the biggest issue people are having with your comments is the "owe it to them" part.

The fact is that all we really owe a child is to keep them safe, healthy and teach them. Giving them opportunities can be a luxury, but I and many others don't see it as the responsibility you seem to be making it.

If my kid likes dance, great. She'll get to do some dance lessons, but it will have to be subject to other priorities. For us, those include family time/functions, school, church and financial. If all of those things are taken care of, then and only then will dance classes be taken. It's the same thing with my sons sports. He loves football and has begged to play, but we said no two years in a row for different reasons. He has played basketball and baseball already, but those worked for us.

I think it is good for kids to feel they are important to you, but not the MOST important thing to you. A child is to be a part of the family, not the center of it. Too many families are making their child the focus of the family and that misalignment of priorities is dangerous for both the child and the parents.

 

[Tennessee_ATO]

God, dance sounds like torture. My wife is on board with no dance for our daughter ever.

Dance is the most expensive, most time-intensive of all activities. If you are in competition the time/money suck is unbelievable. That said, if your kid wants to try it out then loves it, waddyagonnado? My daughter loves it but voluntarily gave up competition so she could play softball. She'll never give up her "regular" dance classes voluntarily and I would never want her to.Just my take, but when they find something that they love like that, you owe it to them to make it happen if at all possible. Lots of folks seem to miss that point. It really ain't much about you once you have kids. If that's not OK, then don't have them.

Baloney. They're kids. Jesus. Lots of them eat their own boogers. Do you owe it to them to let them do that too? They love princesses and Barbie dolls. They don't know #### about #### yet.Dance, gymnastics, tap, etc. These are all activities that require huge time commitments and have a very short shelf life. Do you know any 32 year old women that go do gymnastics on the weekends? How about that do dance recitals?

This isn't like tennis, golf, basketball, where you can do it the rest of your life without much effort.

The worst thing about activities like this is that you create a vicious cycle. You know what old gymnasts do? They push their daughters to be gymnasts and go spend hours at meets because there is no other way to relive their glory days.

You guys are pieces of work. It's dance -- it's no less valid an athletic activity than any other sport. Just because you don't like it doesn't make it less valid. Who do you think those activities are for -- you or your kid? My daughter loves dance -- LOVES it. She practices around the house constantly. But I guess it's like eating her boogers because it isn't tennis. Ridiculous.

I think you are a good dad for providing this to your daughter and I don't knock parents who want to provide activities to their kids, especially if their kids love those activities.

What I object to is the entire dance industry in this country. You said it above: Dance is the most expensive, most time-intensive of all activities.

Okay, that's not cool. Soon enough, I'm going to have 5 kids. FIVE. There is no way on earth that I can allocate the kind of time dance requires to one of my kids AND make myself available to the other kids. I have coached youth sports since 2009 and am a fixture on the sidelines for my sons' sports. As soon as my daughter turns 4, she will be playing youth soccer and I will be her coach. You know what's great about sports for kids? They are the opposite of dance in that they are affordable (at the rec level) and sensitive to parents' time. Practices are 1-2 days a week, usually 60-90 minutes and you have one game on a weekend that lasts an hour. Tops. And the games? They are a blast, especially once the kids are 9-12 years old. A. Blast. To coach, to watch, to get involved with.

Tell me a 5 hour dance recital where your daughter may appear for a max of 15 minutes is a BLAST! That sounds like torture. And the cost? Prohbitive. So no, there won't be dance for my kids. I don't have time for it and I certainly won't have the money for it. Not with 5 kids. Does that make me a bad dad? Perhaps, but I will offer plenty of other activities for them in life and will be there every step of the way. Just not dance.

So then maybe, and I'm just going out on a limb here, you can't "make it [dance] happen if at all possible" due to the fact that you have to spread your time and money around to 5 kids.

But that's an entirely different issue than your personal feeling that a recital is "torture". The former is part of the prioritizing that goes on all the time. The latter is you not wanting your kid to do something she likes because it's less than ideal for you. Those are no more similar than me figuring out how my kid can do dance vs. me letting my kid play video games all day long.

 

[Doug B]

There was also this, Doug:...

OK. I see where you're going. But I see a lot of excluded-middle issues in the recent debate. It's not about spoilage vs. neglect.

 

[Doug B]

Doug -- this was the context --

I think it is good for kids to feel they are important to you, but not the MOST important thing to you.

Oh ... OK. I see now.

Jayrod ... you want this one back? You're not talking about adult children, are you?

 

[El Floppo]

Maybe "not 5 kids" is an easier solution than "not dance."

 

[roadkill1292]

Doug -- this was the context --

Tennessee, I think the biggest issue people are having with your comments is the "owe it to them" part.

The fact is that all we really owe a child is to keep them safe, healthy and teach them. Giving them opportunities can be a luxury, but I and many others don't see it as the responsibility you seem to be making it.

If my kid likes dance, great. She'll get to do some dance lessons, but it will have to be subject to other priorities. For us, those include family time/functions, school, church and financial. If all of those things are taken care of, then and only then will dance classes be taken. It's the same thing with my sons sports. He loves football and has begged to play, but we said no two years in a row for different reasons. He has played basketball and baseball already, but those worked for us.

I think it is good for kids to feel they are important to you, but not the MOST important thing to you. A child is to be a part of the family, not the center of it. Too many families are making their child the focus of the family and that misalignment of priorities is dangerous for both the child and the parents.

Take it to the rack, Big Man!

 

[General Malaise]

Maybe "not 5 kids" is an easier solution than "not dance."

 

[General Malaise]

IT'S NOT LIKE I ASKED MY SPERM TO PRODUCE TWINS WHEN I UNLEASHED THEM!!!!!1111

 

[Tennessee_ATO]

My daughter is turning 4 in a month - I am paying 200 bucks to have an actress from the Disney Cruise line come over and entertain her and a few of her friends.

Not doing it to show off but genuinely cause I think she'll enjoy it and that's what its about. My parents never did that kind of stuff for me not because they didn't want to but probably this kind of stuff wasn't available and they didn't have an extra 200 bucks lieing around.

That being said I agree there are some weirdo parents out there who are mostly doing it to show off.

I think this is the distinction that gets lost on the woman who wrote the diatribe posted in the OP -- motivation. If I do something ostensibly for my kids, but it's really for me, then I think that's a problem. The diatribe in the OP was from the perspective of a parent who is so insecure that she felt bad because she wasn't able to "keep up with the Joneses" so to speak. If I throw a party for my kids so their friends' parents will be impressed, then my kids aren't actually my focus -- I am.

 

[General Malaise]

God, dance sounds like torture. My wife is on board with no dance for our daughter ever.

Dance is the most expensive, most time-intensive of all activities. If you are in competition the time/money suck is unbelievable. That said, if your kid wants to try it out then loves it, waddyagonnado? My daughter loves it but voluntarily gave up competition so she could play softball. She'll never give up her "regular" dance classes voluntarily and I would never want her to.Just my take, but when they find something that they love like that, you owe it to them to make it happen if at all possible. Lots of folks seem to miss that point. It really ain't much about you once you have kids. If that's not OK, then don't have them.

Baloney. They're kids. Jesus. Lots of them eat their own boogers. Do you owe it to them to let them do that too? They love princesses and Barbie dolls. They don't know #### about #### yet.Dance, gymnastics, tap, etc. These are all activities that require huge time commitments and have a very short shelf life. Do you know any 32 year old women that go do gymnastics on the weekends? How about that do dance recitals?

This isn't like tennis, golf, basketball, where you can do it the rest of your life without much effort.

The worst thing about activities like this is that you create a vicious cycle. You know what old gymnasts do? They push their daughters to be gymnasts and go spend hours at meets because there is no other way to relive their glory days.

You guys are pieces of work. It's dance -- it's no less valid an athletic activity than any other sport. Just because you don't like it doesn't make it less valid. Who do you think those activities are for -- you or your kid? My daughter loves dance -- LOVES it. She practices around the house constantly. But I guess it's like eating her boogers because it isn't tennis. Ridiculous.

I think you are a good dad for providing this to your daughter and I don't knock parents who want to provide activities to their kids, especially if their kids love those activities.

What I object to is the entire dance industry in this country. You said it above: Dance is the most expensive, most time-intensive of all activities.

Okay, that's not cool. Soon enough, I'm going to have 5 kids. FIVE. There is no way on earth that I can allocate the kind of time dance requires to one of my kids AND make myself available to the other kids. I have coached youth sports since 2009 and am a fixture on the sidelines for my sons' sports. As soon as my daughter turns 4, she will be playing youth soccer and I will be her coach. You know what's great about sports for kids? They are the opposite of dance in that they are affordable (at the rec level) and sensitive to parents' time. Practices are 1-2 days a week, usually 60-90 minutes and you have one game on a weekend that lasts an hour. Tops. And the games? They are a blast, especially once the kids are 9-12 years old. A. Blast. To coach, to watch, to get involved with.

Tell me a 5 hour dance recital where your daughter may appear for a max of 15 minutes is a BLAST! That sounds like torture. And the cost? Prohbitive. So no, there won't be dance for my kids. I don't have time for it and I certainly won't have the money for it. Not with 5 kids. Does that make me a bad dad? Perhaps, but I will offer plenty of other activities for them in life and will be there every step of the way. Just not dance.

So then maybe, and I'm just going out on a limb here, you can't "make it [dance] happen if at all possible" due to the fact that you have to spread your time and money around to 5 kids.

But that's an entirely different issue than your personal feeling that a recital is "torture". The former is part of the prioritizing that goes on all the time. The latter is you not wanting your kid to do something she likes because it's less than ideal for you. Those are no more similar than me figuring out how my kid can do dance vs. me letting my kid play video games all day long.

I have a co-worker who has a daughter that is heavily involved in dance. It is not uncommon for practices to start at 9pm, which is way too late for 8-9 year old kids to be up on a school night. It is not uncommon for practices to last 2 hours or more. It is not uncommon for practices to be multiple times per week, especially before a recital. It is not uncommon for recitals to last 8 hours on a weekend. It is not uncommon for his daughter to be particpating in only a fraction of that entire recital. It is not uncommon for him to have to sit there all day long and watch everything, including performances that have nothing to do with his daughter.

To me, that sounds tortuous. If you enjoy this, great. I'm sure this is an extreme example, but I'm also sure it's not uncommon and if at all possible, I'd like to avoid that. And you're right, not simply because I have too many kids and need to spread my time evenly. I just don't enjoy any aspect of what I typed above. And neither does my wife.

 

[bigbottom]

I feel like there are tons of businesses that exploit the vulnerability of parents want to do right by their kids. Quite frankly, it makes me mad that I haven't been able to get in on this gold rush.

Yes, don't pay for the acting class for children.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

I have a co-worker who has a daughter that is heavily involved in dance. It is not uncommon for practices to start at 9pm, which is way too late for 8-9 year old kids to be up on a school night. It is not uncommon for practices to last 2 hours or more. It is not uncommon for practices to be multiple times per week, especially before a recital. It is not uncommon for recitals to last 8 hours on a weekend. It is not uncommon for his daughter to be particpating in only a fraction of that entire recital. It is not uncommon for him to have to sit there all day long and watch everything, including performances that have nothing to do with his daughter.

To me, that sounds tortuous. If you enjoy this, great. I'm sure this is an extreme example, but I'm also sure it's not uncommon and if at all possible, I'd like to avoid that. And you're right, not simply because I have too many kids and need to spread my time evenly. I just don't enjoy any aspect of what I typed above. And neither does my wife.

What you are describing is not typical and not a fair comparison to your rec league soccer experience. That kid is more equivalent to kids on special Academy soccer teams or travel baseball teams or something.

My younger daughter takes dance. She goes once a week for an hour. At the end of the year there's a big recital that's like 4 hours long, but every year we just leave at intermission. I'd say overall it is considerably less time-consuming than my older daughter's rec league soccer team. It is more expensive, though, I agree with that part of your diatribe.

 

[Tennessee_ATO]

There was also this, Doug:...

OK. I see where you're going. But I see a lot of excluded-middle issues in the recent debate. It's not about spoilage vs. neglect.

Well the leap from "owing it to my kids to figure out how to do dance if possible (if that's what they love doing)" to "you are spoiling your kids and ruining 'Murica" was pretty clearly made.

And it wasn't exactly spoilage, because a spoiled brat can still balance a checkbook, put gas in a car, and generally function as an adult. Those are the same thing (nor are the they mutually exclusive).

 

[wazoo11]

You know how I make my 8 year old's life magical? I joke with her, every single day on her level. Super corny stuff and she says "daaaaaddd" in a sing songy voice back to me. We also rock out to Taylor Swift or whoever in the truck when I bring her to school. Consistently the best parts of my day easily. I also truly enjoy picking up my 11 year old from school. Just me and her in the truck asking how her day was. She's not the free spirit my 8 year old is, but we have some good times.

You've got the have the playlist of girl songs. Swift, Gomez, Perry, some disney sprinkled in. Good times.

Wait until she discovers Le Tigre or L7.

 

[General Malaise]

I have a co-worker who has a daughter that is heavily involved in dance. It is not uncommon for practices to start at 9pm, which is way too late for 8-9 year old kids to be up on a school night. It is not uncommon for practices to last 2 hours or more. It is not uncommon for practices to be multiple times per week, especially before a recital. It is not uncommon for recitals to last 8 hours on a weekend. It is not uncommon for his daughter to be particpating in only a fraction of that entire recital. It is not uncommon for him to have to sit there all day long and watch everything, including performances that have nothing to do with his daughter.

To me, that sounds tortuous. If you enjoy this, great. I'm sure this is an extreme example, but I'm also sure it's not uncommon and if at all possible, I'd like to avoid that. And you're right, not simply because I have too many kids and need to spread my time evenly. I just don't enjoy any aspect of what I typed above. And neither does my wife.

What you are describing is not typical and not a fair comparison to your rec league soccer experience. That kid is more equivalent to kids on special Academy soccer teams or travel baseball teams or something.

My younger daughter takes dance. She goes once a week for an hour. At the end of the year there's a big recital that's like 4 hours long, but every year we just leave at intermission. I'd say overall it is considerably less time-consuming than my older daughter's rec league soccer team. It is more expensive, though, I agree with that part of your diatribe.

So is Dance Moms atypical too? That show scares me more than anything else on TV.

 

[bigbottom]

I have a co-worker who has a daughter that is heavily involved in dance. It is not uncommon for practices to start at 9pm, which is way too late for 8-9 year old kids to be up on a school night. It is not uncommon for practices to last 2 hours or more. It is not uncommon for practices to be multiple times per week, especially before a recital. It is not uncommon for recitals to last 8 hours on a weekend. It is not uncommon for his daughter to be particpating in only a fraction of that entire recital. It is not uncommon for him to have to sit there all day long and watch everything, including performances that have nothing to do with his daughter.

To me, that sounds tortuous. If you enjoy this, great. I'm sure this is an extreme example, but I'm also sure it's not uncommon and if at all possible, I'd like to avoid that. And you're right, not simply because I have too many kids and need to spread my time evenly. I just don't enjoy any aspect of what I typed above. And neither does my wife.

What you are describing is not typical and not a fair comparison to your rec league soccer experience. That kid is more equivalent to kids on special Academy soccer teams or travel baseball teams or something.

My younger daughter takes dance. She goes once a week for an hour. At the end of the year there's a big recital that's like 4 hours long, but every year we just leave at intermission. I'd say overall it is considerably less time-consuming than my older daughter's rec league soccer team. It is more expensive, though, I agree with that part of your diatribe.

I don't think anyone took issue with the once a week dance rehearsal and an end of year recital. I think most folks were talking about competition dance where you get into Sparkle Motion territory.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

I have a co-worker who has a daughter that is heavily involved in dance. It is not uncommon for practices to start at 9pm, which is way too late for 8-9 year old kids to be up on a school night. It is not uncommon for practices to last 2 hours or more. It is not uncommon for practices to be multiple times per week, especially before a recital. It is not uncommon for recitals to last 8 hours on a weekend. It is not uncommon for his daughter to be particpating in only a fraction of that entire recital. It is not uncommon for him to have to sit there all day long and watch everything, including performances that have nothing to do with his daughter.

To me, that sounds tortuous. If you enjoy this, great. I'm sure this is an extreme example, but I'm also sure it's not uncommon and if at all possible, I'd like to avoid that. And you're right, not simply because I have too many kids and need to spread my time evenly. I just don't enjoy any aspect of what I typed above. And neither does my wife.

What you are describing is not typical and not a fair comparison to your rec league soccer experience. That kid is more equivalent to kids on special Academy soccer teams or travel baseball teams or something.

My younger daughter takes dance. She goes once a week for an hour. At the end of the year there's a big recital that's like 4 hours long, but every year we just leave at intermission. I'd say overall it is considerably less time-consuming than my older daughter's rec league soccer team. It is more expensive, though, I agree with that part of your diatribe.

So is Dance Moms atypical too? That show scares me more than anything else on TV.

I haven't watched it but based on the title I'll go out on a limb and say yes.

 

[Tennessee_ATO]

God, dance sounds like torture. My wife is on board with no dance for our daughter ever.

Dance is the most expensive, most time-intensive of all activities. If you are in competition the time/money suck is unbelievable. That said, if your kid wants to try it out then loves it, waddyagonnado? My daughter loves it but voluntarily gave up competition so she could play softball. She'll never give up her "regular" dance classes voluntarily and I would never want her to.Just my take, but when they find something that they love like that, you owe it to them to make it happen if at all possible. Lots of folks seem to miss that point. It really ain't much about you once you have kids. If that's not OK, then don't have them.

Baloney. They're kids. Jesus. Lots of them eat their own boogers. Do you owe it to them to let them do that too? They love princesses and Barbie dolls. They don't know #### about #### yet.Dance, gymnastics, tap, etc. These are all activities that require huge time commitments and have a very short shelf life. Do you know any 32 year old women that go do gymnastics on the weekends? How about that do dance recitals?

This isn't like tennis, golf, basketball, where you can do it the rest of your life without much effort.

The worst thing about activities like this is that you create a vicious cycle. You know what old gymnasts do? They push their daughters to be gymnasts and go spend hours at meets because there is no other way to relive their glory days.

You guys are pieces of work. It's dance -- it's no less valid an athletic activity than any other sport. Just because you don't like it doesn't make it less valid. Who do you think those activities are for -- you or your kid? My daughter loves dance -- LOVES it. She practices around the house constantly. But I guess it's like eating her boogers because it isn't tennis. Ridiculous.

I think you are a good dad for providing this to your daughter and I don't knock parents who want to provide activities to their kids, especially if their kids love those activities.

What I object to is the entire dance industry in this country. You said it above: Dance is the most expensive, most time-intensive of all activities.

Okay, that's not cool. Soon enough, I'm going to have 5 kids. FIVE. There is no way on earth that I can allocate the kind of time dance requires to one of my kids AND make myself available to the other kids. I have coached youth sports since 2009 and am a fixture on the sidelines for my sons' sports. As soon as my daughter turns 4, she will be playing youth soccer and I will be her coach. You know what's great about sports for kids? They are the opposite of dance in that they are affordable (at the rec level) and sensitive to parents' time. Practices are 1-2 days a week, usually 60-90 minutes and you have one game on a weekend that lasts an hour. Tops. And the games? They are a blast, especially once the kids are 9-12 years old. A. Blast. To coach, to watch, to get involved with.

Tell me a 5 hour dance recital where your daughter may appear for a max of 15 minutes is a BLAST! That sounds like torture. And the cost? Prohbitive. So no, there won't be dance for my kids. I don't have time for it and I certainly won't have the money for it. Not with 5 kids. Does that make me a bad dad? Perhaps, but I will offer plenty of other activities for them in life and will be there every step of the way. Just not dance.

So then maybe, and I'm just going out on a limb here, you can't "make it [dance] happen if at all possible" due to the fact that you have to spread your time and money around to 5 kids.

But that's an entirely different issue than your personal feeling that a recital is "torture". The former is part of the prioritizing that goes on all the time. The latter is you not wanting your kid to do something she likes because it's less than ideal for you. Those are no more similar than me figuring out how my kid can do dance vs. me letting my kid play video games all day long.

I have a co-worker who has a daughter that is heavily involved in dance. It is not uncommon for practices to start at 9pm, which is way too late for 8-9 year old kids to be up on a school night. It is not uncommon for practices to last 2 hours or more. It is not uncommon for practices to be multiple times per week, especially before a recital. It is not uncommon for recitals to last 8 hours on a weekend. It is not uncommon for his daughter to be particpating in only a fraction of that entire recital. It is not uncommon for him to have to sit there all day long and watch everything, including performances that have nothing to do with his daughter.

To me, that sounds tortuous. If you enjoy this, great. I'm sure this is an extreme example, but I'm also sure it's not uncommon and if at all possible, I'd like to avoid that. And you're right, not simply because I have too many kids and need to spread my time evenly. I just don't enjoy any aspect of what I typed above. And neither does my wife.

Again, you're blurring different things. 2 hour dance class starting at 9:00 pm for an 8 year old? That may not be possible for obvious reasons, especially if you child needs time for homework.

Having to sit through a multi-hour recital to watch your child participate in only a fraction of it just isn't that big a deal. "Sorry hon, I know you really like dance, but daddy thinks the recitals are boring." You can dress it up and rationalize it however you want, but that's exactly what you're saying with respect to the recitals.

Again, practice times are another issue.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

I don't think anyone took issue with the once a week dance rehearsal and an end of year recital. I think most folks were talking about competition dance where you get into Sparkle Motion territory.

GM explicitly compared it to rec league soccer and said no way his kids would do dance. I'm letting him know that there are dance equivalents to rec league soccer. He seems to think every kid that does dance is in Sparkle Motion.

 

[bigbottom]

I don't think anyone took issue with the once a week dance rehearsal and an end of year recital. I think most folks were talking about competition dance where you get into Sparkle Motion territory.

GM explicitly compared it to rec league soccer and said no way his kids would do dance. I'm letting him know that there are dance equivalents to rec league soccer. He seems to think every kid that does dance is in Sparkle Motion.

Yes, I think it is axiomatic that modern society can take pretty much any fun, recreational activity and turn it into a torturous, pocket-emptying, time suck. Soccer is no exception.

 

[El Floppo]

I don't think anyone took issue with the once a week dance rehearsal and an end of year recital. I think most folks were talking about competition dance where you get into Sparkle Motion territory.

GM explicitly compared it to rec league soccer and said no way his kids would do dance. I'm letting him know that there are dance equivalents to rec league soccer. He seems to think every kid that does dance is in Sparkle Motion.

Yes, I think it is pretty much axiomatic that modern society can take pretty much any fun, recreational activity and turn it into a torturous, pocket-emptying, time suck. Soccer is no exception.

WRONG

 

[Tennessee_ATO]

I have a co-worker who has a daughter that is heavily involved in dance. It is not uncommon for practices to start at 9pm, which is way too late for 8-9 year old kids to be up on a school night. It is not uncommon for practices to last 2 hours or more. It is not uncommon for practices to be multiple times per week, especially before a recital. It is not uncommon for recitals to last 8 hours on a weekend. It is not uncommon for his daughter to be particpating in only a fraction of that entire recital. It is not uncommon for him to have to sit there all day long and watch everything, including performances that have nothing to do with his daughter.

To me, that sounds tortuous. If you enjoy this, great. I'm sure this is an extreme example, but I'm also sure it's not uncommon and if at all possible, I'd like to avoid that. And you're right, not simply because I have too many kids and need to spread my time evenly. I just don't enjoy any aspect of what I typed above. And neither does my wife.

What you are describing is not typical and not a fair comparison to your rec league soccer experience. That kid is more equivalent to kids on special Academy soccer teams or travel baseball teams or something.

My younger daughter takes dance. She goes once a week for an hour. At the end of the year there's a big recital that's like 4 hours long, but every year we just leave at intermission. I'd say overall it is considerably less time-consuming than my older daughter's rec league soccer team. It is more expensive, though, I agree with that part of your diatribe.

I don't think anyone took issue with the once a week dance rehearsal and an end of year recital. I think most folks were talking about competition dance where you get into Sparkle Motion territory.

That's still not typical for competition dance, at least for the kids who aren't older and 100% all-in (not unlike kids heavily into AAU/travel ball). With competition there is more practice, but it resulted in my daughter being in 6 routines at the year-end recital. Competitions themselves were pretty sucky -- not gonna lie. Every once in a while there would be a routine that would just be amazing, but by and large that wasn't the case. My daughter loved hanging out with her little friends and watching as much dance as possible, so that made it OK from my perspective. But 1-2 weekends a month for a couple months was a massive time/money commitment for sure, and I get not being able to swing it. My son will start being involved in sports/activities soon enough. There are only so many hours in a day/week and only so many dollars in a paycheck. I get all of that. That's way different than "this is a pain in my ### so we're not doing it".

 

[Tennessee_ATO]

I don't think anyone took issue with the once a week dance rehearsal and an end of year recital. I think most folks were talking about competition dance where you get into Sparkle Motion territory.

GM explicitly compared it to rec league soccer and said no way his kids would do dance. I'm letting him know that there are dance equivalents to rec league soccer. He seems to think every kid that does dance is in Sparkle Motion.

This.

 

[General Malaise]

God, dance sounds like torture. My wife is on board with no dance for our daughter ever.

Dance is the most expensive, most time-intensive of all activities. If you are in competition the time/money suck is unbelievable. That said, if your kid wants to try it out then loves it, waddyagonnado? My daughter loves it but voluntarily gave up competition so she could play softball. She'll never give up her "regular" dance classes voluntarily and I would never want her to.Just my take, but when they find something that they love like that, you owe it to them to make it happen if at all possible. Lots of folks seem to miss that point. It really ain't much about you once you have kids. If that's not OK, then don't have them.

Baloney. They're kids. Jesus. Lots of them eat their own boogers. Do you owe it to them to let them do that too? They love princesses and Barbie dolls. They don't know #### about #### yet.Dance, gymnastics, tap, etc. These are all activities that require huge time commitments and have a very short shelf life. Do you know any 32 year old women that go do gymnastics on the weekends? How about that do dance recitals?

This isn't like tennis, golf, basketball, where you can do it the rest of your life without much effort.

The worst thing about activities like this is that you create a vicious cycle. You know what old gymnasts do? They push their daughters to be gymnasts and go spend hours at meets because there is no other way to relive their glory days.

You guys are pieces of work. It's dance -- it's no less valid an athletic activity than any other sport. Just because you don't like it doesn't make it less valid. Who do you think those activities are for -- you or your kid? My daughter loves dance -- LOVES it. She practices around the house constantly. But I guess it's like eating her boogers because it isn't tennis. Ridiculous.

I think you are a good dad for providing this to your daughter and I don't knock parents who want to provide activities to their kids, especially if their kids love those activities.

What I object to is the entire dance industry in this country. You said it above: Dance is the most expensive, most time-intensive of all activities.

Okay, that's not cool. Soon enough, I'm going to have 5 kids. FIVE. There is no way on earth that I can allocate the kind of time dance requires to one of my kids AND make myself available to the other kids. I have coached youth sports since 2009 and am a fixture on the sidelines for my sons' sports. As soon as my daughter turns 4, she will be playing youth soccer and I will be her coach. You know what's great about sports for kids? They are the opposite of dance in that they are affordable (at the rec level) and sensitive to parents' time. Practices are 1-2 days a week, usually 60-90 minutes and you have one game on a weekend that lasts an hour. Tops. And the games? They are a blast, especially once the kids are 9-12 years old. A. Blast. To coach, to watch, to get involved with.

Tell me a 5 hour dance recital where your daughter may appear for a max of 15 minutes is a BLAST! That sounds like torture. And the cost? Prohbitive. So no, there won't be dance for my kids. I don't have time for it and I certainly won't have the money for it. Not with 5 kids. Does that make me a bad dad? Perhaps, but I will offer plenty of other activities for them in life and will be there every step of the way. Just not dance.

So then maybe, and I'm just going out on a limb here, you can't "make it [dance] happen if at all possible" due to the fact that you have to spread your time and money around to 5 kids.

But that's an entirely different issue than your personal feeling that a recital is "torture". The former is part of the prioritizing that goes on all the time. The latter is you not wanting your kid to do something she likes because it's less than ideal for you. Those are no more similar than me figuring out how my kid can do dance vs. me letting my kid play video games all day long.

I have a co-worker who has a daughter that is heavily involved in dance. It is not uncommon for practices to start at 9pm, which is way too late for 8-9 year old kids to be up on a school night. It is not uncommon for practices to last 2 hours or more. It is not uncommon for practices to be multiple times per week, especially before a recital. It is not uncommon for recitals to last 8 hours on a weekend. It is not uncommon for his daughter to be particpating in only a fraction of that entire recital. It is not uncommon for him to have to sit there all day long and watch everything, including performances that have nothing to do with his daughter.

To me, that sounds tortuous. If you enjoy this, great. I'm sure this is an extreme example, but I'm also sure it's not uncommon and if at all possible, I'd like to avoid that. And you're right, not simply because I have too many kids and need to spread my time evenly. I just don't enjoy any aspect of what I typed above. And neither does my wife.

Again, you're blurring different things. 2 hour dance class starting at 9:00 pm for an 8 year old? That may not be possible for obvious reasons, especially if you child needs time for homework.

Having to sit through a multi-hour recital to watch your child participate in only a fraction of it just isn't that big a deal. "Sorry hon, I know you really like dance, but daddy thinks the recitals are boring." You can dress it up and rationalize it however you want, but that's exactly what you're saying with respect to the recitals.

Again, practice times are another issue.

Maybe it's not a big deal to you, but it is to me. I'm not allocating 4-8 hours on a Saturday to a dance recital where my kid is alloted a fraction of stage time. If I had just one daughter and she was some sort of dance savant, then maybe I'd feel differently. But that's not my reality and look, you said it - dance is the most time insenstive, cost prohibitive activity out there for kids. I'm sorry, but that's a problem for me. Now, maybe if my daughter wanted to do the equivalent of rec dance like Fatguys' kid, I'd take a look at it.

I also don't push my sons to play anything beyond rec soccer because the cost is too high, the time and travel required is too taxing for our family and the rec level is competitive enough for all our needs. My younger son could easily play classic or select, but intead of doing that, he plays up a level and is on his older brothers' team which I coach. That makes all of our lives simpler by having them on the same team. And they love it. So do I.

If you signed your daughter up for soccer and there was a tournament that lasted all day on a Saturday, would you voluntarily stay to watch other teams your daughter is NOT on play? I bet you would not. And if you were FORCED to stay and watch the other games that don't involve your daughter, wouldn't you find that to be a bit extreme? Why is it any different with dance? Why do you need to stay for 4-8 hours and watch other kids who aren't yours dance?

 

[General Malaise]

I don't think anyone took issue with the once a week dance rehearsal and an end of year recital. I think most folks were talking about competition dance where you get into Sparkle Motion territory.

GM explicitly compared it to rec league soccer and said no way his kids would do dance. I'm letting him know that there are dance equivalents to rec league soccer. He seems to think every kid that does dance is in Sparkle Motion.

Yes, I think it is axiomatic that modern society can take pretty much any fun, recreational activity and turn it into a torturous, pocket-emptying, time suck. Soccer is no exception.

I joined the board of our soccer league two months ago. Sort of wish I hadn't. You're right, there is a lot behind the scenes that is ungood and this is rec league soccer.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

If you signed your daughter up for soccer and there was a tournament that lasted all day on a Saturday, would you voluntarily stay to watch other teams your daughter is NOT on play? I bet you would not. And if you were FORCED to stay and watch the other games that don't involve your daughter, wouldn't you find that to be a bit extreme? Why is it any different with dance? Why do you need to stay for 4-8 hours and watch other kids who aren't yours dance?

Dance recitals are like once or twice a year. Soccer games are every weekend. It's just different. My kids also play musical instruments. Part of the recital is watching the other kids play. It's the only way that the kids can actually have an audience. If every kid was only watched by her own parents, it wouldn't be much of an event.

 

[El Floppo]

If you signed your daughter up for soccer and there was a tournament that lasted all day on a Saturday, would you voluntarily stay to watch other teams your daughter is NOT on play? I bet you would not. And if you were FORCED to stay and watch the other games that don't involve your daughter, wouldn't you find that to be a bit extreme? Why is it any different with dance? Why do you need to stay for 4-8 hours and watch other kids who aren't yours dance?

Dance recitals are like once or twice a year. Soccer games are every weekend. It's just different. My kids also play musical instruments. Part of the recital is watching the other kids play. It's the only way that the kids can actually have an audience. If every kid was only watched by her own parents, it wouldn't be much of an event.

plus I'm forced to watch all those other kids play soccer- screw them.

 

[roadkill1292]

We have several posters here who appear to have knowledge of "Sparkle Motion" and are prepared to debate its merits. That is my, perhaps overdue, signal to depart this thread.

 

[General Malaise]

If you signed your daughter up for soccer and there was a tournament that lasted all day on a Saturday, would you voluntarily stay to watch other teams your daughter is NOT on play? I bet you would not. And if you were FORCED to stay and watch the other games that don't involve your daughter, wouldn't you find that to be a bit extreme? Why is it any different with dance? Why do you need to stay for 4-8 hours and watch other kids who aren't yours dance?

Dance recitals are like once or twice a year. Soccer games are every weekend. It's just different. My kids also play musical instruments. Part of the recital is watching the other kids play. It's the only way that the kids can actually have an audience. If every kid was only watched by her own parents, it wouldn't be much of an event.

How long do the recitals last?

We have 8 soccer games in the fall/7 in the spring. Not really every weekend...and they last an hour tops. Lotta action. Kind of fun. Not as fun as seeing a stranger play the obo, but fun enough.

 

[Brony]

We have several posters here who appear to have knowledge of "Sparkle Motion" and are prepared to debate its merits. That is my, perhaps overdue, signal to depart this thread.

 

[bigbottom]

We have several posters here who appear to have knowledge of "Sparkle Motion" and are prepared to debate its merits. That is my, perhaps overdue, signal to depart this thread.

Sometimes, I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

If you signed your daughter up for soccer and there was a tournament that lasted all day on a Saturday, would you voluntarily stay to watch other teams your daughter is NOT on play? I bet you would not. And if you were FORCED to stay and watch the other games that don't involve your daughter, wouldn't you find that to be a bit extreme? Why is it any different with dance? Why do you need to stay for 4-8 hours and watch other kids who aren't yours dance?

Dance recitals are like once or twice a year. Soccer games are every weekend. It's just different. My kids also play musical instruments. Part of the recital is watching the other kids play. It's the only way that the kids can actually have an audience. If every kid was only watched by her own parents, it wouldn't be much of an event.

How long do the recitals last?

We have 8 soccer games in the fall/7 in the spring. Not really every weekend...and they last an hour tops. Lotta action. Kind of fun. Not as fun as seeing a stranger play the obo, but fun enough.

It probably depends on your kid's program, but my kids' music recitals are around an hour, maybe an hour and a half sometimes. Unfortunately the kids now play two different instruments so they aren't in the same recitals any more.

 

[El Floppo]

We have several posters here who appear to have knowledge of "Sparkle Motion" and are prepared to debate its merits. That is my, perhaps overdue, signal to depart this thread.

Sometimes, I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.

An error occurredYou have reached your quota of positive votes for the day

 

[msommer]

spoiling a kid doesn't have to be the same thing as making them a priority in your life.

Many people spoil their kids because they are not their first priority. Easier to get them to stop whining that way

 

[RBM]

If you signed your daughter up for soccer and there was a tournament that lasted all day on a Saturday, would you voluntarily stay to watch other teams your daughter is NOT on play? I bet you would not. And if you were FORCED to stay and watch the other games that don't involve your daughter, wouldn't you find that to be a bit extreme? Why is it any different with dance? Why do you need to stay for 4-8 hours and watch other kids who aren't yours dance?

Dance recitals are like once or twice a year. Soccer games are every weekend. It's just different. My kids also play musical instruments. Part of the recital is watching the other kids play. It's the only way that the kids can actually have an audience. If every kid was only watched by her own parents, it wouldn't be much of an event.

How long do the recitals last?

We have 8 soccer games in the fall/7 in the spring. Not really every weekend...and they last an hour tops. Lotta action. Kind of fun. Not as fun as seeing a stranger play the obo, but fun enough.

We've done one recital and were free and encouraged to leave after our kids performance. It's in age order, you get your spot and they give you an estimated time your kids class will go on. We got there early to get a close seat since it was a pretty big theatre, but even with that I was not there for more than 2 hours. And on our way out we saw older girls and their families just coming in.

Other than that one recital, the classes are an hour one day a week. I really have no complaints about it.

 

[msommer]

A child is to be a part of the family, not the center of it. Too many families are making their child the focus of the family and that misalignment of priorities is dangerous for both the child and the parents.

True this.

Doug -- This was the exchange.

I must have missed the #1 priority in those quotes. Can you bold it?

 

[Tennessee_ATO]

A child is to be a part of the family, not the center of it. Too many families are making their child the focus of the family and that misalignment of priorities is dangerous for both the child and the parents.

True this.

Doug -- This was the exchange.

I must have missed the #1 priority in those quotes. Can you bold it?

That's a pretty fair reading of the bolded.

 

[General Malaise]

What do the costumes cost? Something like this is an added cost, right?

 

[Tennessee_ATO]

God, dance sounds like torture. My wife is on board with no dance for our daughter ever.

Dance is the most expensive, most time-intensive of all activities. If you are in competition the time/money suck is unbelievable. That said, if your kid wants to try it out then loves it, waddyagonnado? My daughter loves it but voluntarily gave up competition so she could play softball. She'll never give up her "regular" dance classes voluntarily and I would never want her to.Just my take, but when they find something that they love like that, you owe it to them to make it happen if at all possible. Lots of folks seem to miss that point. It really ain't much about you once you have kids. If that's not OK, then don't have them.

Baloney. They're kids. Jesus. Lots of them eat their own boogers. Do you owe it to them to let them do that too? They love princesses and Barbie dolls. They don't know #### about #### yet.Dance, gymnastics, tap, etc. These are all activities that require huge time commitments and have a very short shelf life. Do you know any 32 year old women that go do gymnastics on the weekends? How about that do dance recitals?

This isn't like tennis, golf, basketball, where you can do it the rest of your life without much effort.

The worst thing about activities like this is that you create a vicious cycle. You know what old gymnasts do? They push their daughters to be gymnasts and go spend hours at meets because there is no other way to relive their glory days.

You guys are pieces of work. It's dance -- it's no less valid an athletic activity than any other sport. Just because you don't like it doesn't make it less valid. Who do you think those activities are for -- you or your kid? My daughter loves dance -- LOVES it. She practices around the house constantly. But I guess it's like eating her boogers because it isn't tennis. Ridiculous.

I think you are a good dad for providing this to your daughter and I don't knock parents who want to provide activities to their kids, especially if their kids love those activities.

What I object to is the entire dance industry in this country. You said it above: Dance is the most expensive, most time-intensive of all activities.

Okay, that's not cool. Soon enough, I'm going to have 5 kids. FIVE. There is no way on earth that I can allocate the kind of time dance requires to one of my kids AND make myself available to the other kids. I have coached youth sports since 2009 and am a fixture on the sidelines for my sons' sports. As soon as my daughter turns 4, she will be playing youth soccer and I will be her coach. You know what's great about sports for kids? They are the opposite of dance in that they are affordable (at the rec level) and sensitive to parents' time. Practices are 1-2 days a week, usually 60-90 minutes and you have one game on a weekend that lasts an hour. Tops. And the games? They are a blast, especially once the kids are 9-12 years old. A. Blast. To coach, to watch, to get involved with.

Tell me a 5 hour dance recital where your daughter may appear for a max of 15 minutes is a BLAST! That sounds like torture. And the cost? Prohbitive. So no, there won't be dance for my kids. I don't have time for it and I certainly won't have the money for it. Not with 5 kids. Does that make me a bad dad? Perhaps, but I will offer plenty of other activities for them in life and will be there every step of the way. Just not dance.

So then maybe, and I'm just going out on a limb here, you can't "make it [dance] happen if at all possible" due to the fact that you have to spread your time and money around to 5 kids.

But that's an entirely different issue than your personal feeling that a recital is "torture". The former is part of the prioritizing that goes on all the time. The latter is you not wanting your kid to do something she likes because it's less than ideal for you. Those are no more similar than me figuring out how my kid can do dance vs. me letting my kid play video games all day long.

I have a co-worker who has a daughter that is heavily involved in dance. It is not uncommon for practices to start at 9pm, which is way too late for 8-9 year old kids to be up on a school night. It is not uncommon for practices to last 2 hours or more. It is not uncommon for practices to be multiple times per week, especially before a recital. It is not uncommon for recitals to last 8 hours on a weekend. It is not uncommon for his daughter to be particpating in only a fraction of that entire recital. It is not uncommon for him to have to sit there all day long and watch everything, including performances that have nothing to do with his daughter.

To me, that sounds tortuous. If you enjoy this, great. I'm sure this is an extreme example, but I'm also sure it's not uncommon and if at all possible, I'd like to avoid that. And you're right, not simply because I have too many kids and need to spread my time evenly. I just don't enjoy any aspect of what I typed above. And neither does my wife.

Again, you're blurring different things. 2 hour dance class starting at 9:00 pm for an 8 year old? That may not be possible for obvious reasons, especially if you child needs time for homework.

Having to sit through a multi-hour recital to watch your child participate in only a fraction of it just isn't that big a deal. "Sorry hon, I know you really like dance, but daddy thinks the recitals are boring." You can dress it up and rationalize it however you want, but that's exactly what you're saying with respect to the recitals.

Again, practice times are another issue.

Maybe it's not a big deal to you, but it is to me. I'm not allocating 4-8 hours on a Saturday to a dance recital where my kid is alloted a fraction of stage time. If I had just one daughter and she was some sort of dance savant, then maybe I'd feel differently. But that's not my reality and look, you said it - dance is the most time insenstive, cost prohibitive activity out there for kids. I'm sorry, but that's a problem for me. Now, maybe if my daughter wanted to do the equivalent of rec dance like Fatguys' kid, I'd take a look at it.

I also don't push my sons to play anything beyond rec soccer because the cost is too high, the time and travel required is too taxing for our family and the rec level is competitive enough for all our needs. My younger son could easily play classic or select, but intead of doing that, he plays up a level and is on his older brothers' team which I coach. That makes all of our lives simpler by having them on the same team. And they love it. So do I.

If you signed your daughter up for soccer and there was a tournament that lasted all day on a Saturday, would you voluntarily stay to watch other teams your daughter is NOT on play? I bet you would not. And if you were FORCED to stay and watch the other games that don't involve your daughter, wouldn't you find that to be a bit extreme? Why is it any different with dance? Why do you need to stay for 4-8 hours and watch other kids who aren't yours dance?

Dance recitals are typically 1 weekend a year, it's not like it's a weekly occurrence. She danced far more frequently at nursing homes around Christmas, festivals, events, etc. Those are far less structured settings.

My godson plays baseball. I've attended some of his tournaments when he's had to play 3 games in a day. He could leave with his parents, but they only had like an hour or so between games. If I compressed his actual playing time down, I bet the ratio of his actual activity to the time spent watching was less than my daughter's time on stage vs. total recital time. As far as spectating at the recital, you can come and go as you please. You can't just go back stage and get your kid though -- it's barely controlled chaos backstage.

Generally, the more you practice the more routines you have at the recital. My daughter practiced for one hour once a week for her "regular" dance class. She had 3 routines with that group (1 tap, 1 jazz, 1 ballet -- the standard fare). She practiced 1 hour for 1 day a week for competition and had 3 routines with that group. Those girls who you described (multiple days, multiple hours) will typically dance in a huge percentage of the routines -- far more than 15 minutes out of a 3 hour recital.

Finally, on your soccer hypothetical -- I would gripe about it and might even try to finagle my way onto the board to change it. I wouldn't tell my kid he/she couldn't participate in soccer because of it though.

At least you own it -- 1 long, boring Saturday is more than you're willing to commit for you daughter to participate in dance. On that issue we will just have to disagree. Unto each his own.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

What do the costumes cost? Something like this is an added cost, right?

My kid doesn't wear anything near that elaborate. I don't remember the cost. More than a soccer uniform for sure, but not that bad from what I recall.

 

[msommer]

A child is to be a part of the family, not the center of it. Too many families are making their child the focus of the family and that misalignment of priorities is dangerous for both the child and the parents.

True this.

Doug -- This was the exchange.

I must have missed the #1 priority in those quotes. Can you bold it?

That's a pretty fair reading of the bolded.

I'm still looking. Or are you inferring stuff?

 

[Tennessee_ATO]

What do the costumes cost? Something like this is an added cost, right?

Absolutely it's an added cost. They run $40ish apiece. We needed 1 for her regular class and 1 for her competition class. The older girls who are "all-in" have more and more elaborate costumes. It's not as much as the cost of a decent equipment for baseball and softball, at least at the younger ages.