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you must be repressing some pretty sick ####.I never got "beat", I got spanked. I didnt fear my parents, had a good upbringing, never wanted for anything, and have no bad childhood memories.
But I was "abused" because I was spanked a few times? Riiiight.
If you can't conceive that people who disagree with you can be good parents I feel sorry for you.
I guarantee you with one look I get the same reaction and I don't lay a hand on my son.
I posed a question asking for better alternatives, but no responses to that yet. Feel free to start.
I think I would rather have my child fear a stick than fear my gaze.
Yeah, I think we're getting a little insight into the non-hitters. They just like to emotionally abuse their kids.
So your son fears you and you're proud about this? That's troubling to say the least.You had to have done something in the past for your son to equate the 'look' with something.
I'm pretty sure I answered you.
You were the only one. I thought you were being sarcastic in that response, but yes, time outs are one option. But I'm looking for more suggestions, especially since time outs don't always work. In my experience, my daughter considers time-outs a game. It's not effective and I was having a difficult time finding something that works. And I also look for an option for her avoiding bedtime, since I'm trying to get her into a pattern to prepare for school soon. Time outs aren't the best option for bed time. It's like rewarding her bad behavior by allowing her to stay up to do the time for the time-out... which is what she wants. Lately, my best success has come from taking away things she likes to do. Or if not that, making her favorite toys or such disappear for awhile.I'd like to hear what other things parents in the thread have found that works as an alternative. That way the whole thread isn't about one side bashing the other for being bad parents just because they don't agree with their parenting style.
Set boundaries and don't bend. If they cross them, let them know the consequences (no TV, or no games, etc) and follow through. Say "no" a thousand times until the crocodile tears make you say "yes" and you've just lost big time.Teach them, talk to them, let them know what behavior is expected, let them know about household dangers and their consequences, keep dangerous items out of reach, and support good behavior as much as you punish bad behavior. Guide them - assume that "spare the rod, spoil the child" means a shepherd's crook and not a stick. Know who their friends are, get to know their friends' parents, be involved. But let them play and be themselves. It's a delicate balance; you want them to learn and discover and grow on their own and not smother them. Let them know that you're there for them and that they can come to you at any time for any reason with any question.If they do something dangerous or illegal, let them know that there are consequences. Break a window playing baseball? Guess where the money to fix it is coming from. Stealing? Return the stolen item and admit it to the store manager. Teach them to take responsibility for their actions.Those are a few to start.
this. An open handed swat on the ### is an attention getter - it let's them know that they messed up big time, and it makes the consequences immediate. Time outs and all the other stuff - those can happen too, but you've gotta have something in the arsenal that goes above and beyond.
Sounds like good advice.
well, for starters, your relationship with your kids is different than it is with any other human. You are tasked with raising them and have a vested interest in how they turn out. That makes it different.
Spanking or not, this is the crux of the issue. Not calling anyone out here, but a lot of parents don't take their role seriously enough in actively and consistently keeping their kids on the right path.
Who said anything about fear? He said his grandpa just had to talk about the bush and they knew to cool it. I can give my son a look and he knows to cool it. As far as having done something in the past, yes, of course. He has been taught that his actions have consequences, and those consequences are enforced. Most parents don't like non physical discipline because it is hard work for them and it is ongoing. My ex wife is terrible at it. She can take something away and give it back within two hours. I occasionally find a toy in a random place from 5 years ago. Gives us a good laugh actually. In fact about two weeks ago we found a nerf gun in the basement that had never been opened that I had taken away from him 2 years ago.We went to play laser tag once. We had already paid and were about ready to go in for our session. He talked back to his mom about something, and that was it. We left immediately. It was explained clearly to him why we were leaving and that his behavior was responsible for it.Frequently that is viewed as a waste of money, or punishing yourself, or whatever other excuses are made. You see this all the time. Parents are grocery shopping and their kids are asking for everything in the store and misbehaving. The parents just want to get out of the store and get their grocery shopping done so they cave and make deals. Buy them something to occupy them. They probably even spank them when they get home. I would have never put up with that. I leave the store and deal with the more important pressing issue. I act like a parent and figure out the grocery shopping another night or go back late at night.These actions are all harder on the parent, but better for the child.
Agreed.
Which is why it's more effective for younger kids who don't get the concept of theoretical future consequences. Part of discipline is introducing replacement consequences that are more immediate than the actual consequences of their actions which may not be experienced for a long time.All discipline at young ages is instilling dislike of a false consequence.
The first and only time I spanked my daughter she was four years old and it was to stop the habit of running out in the street. She didn't do it in malice, it was really more of a game she played. We tried everything we could to get it to stop. We had short stern talks, long serious talks, took away toys, took away priveleges, after several weeks I resorted to slapping her hand, at first she laughed, so we went back to the other stuff. Nothing. So then I started slapping her hand hard enough for her to know I wasn't messing around. She still did it. Finally, she came within about a foot from my neighbor hitting her with his car and I grabbed her, walked her into the house, and spanked her bottom red. She stopped after that. It could have been the shock of almost getting hit by the car or it could have been the spanking, perhaps both. In a few years I'm sure she will better understand what a moving car can do to the human body. Until then I'm OK with fear of negative consequences dictating whether or not she runs out into the middle of the street. I love teaching my kids, but in order to teach them I have to make sure they are around to teach. Sometimes, if the slow, patient learning process isn't cutting it other measures have to be taken. Hopefully it's the last time I have to do it, but I wouldn't hesitate to do it again if I felt it was neccesary.
This touches on a point I made in the other thread. This is the only time I believe in physical discipline. When the point you are trying to get across is for their own safety and wanting them to associate their behavior with physical pain, because there is the very real threat of it and they simply are not developed enough to understand.
This.
Dad *Goes to room, takes Xbox from kid* "Like I said. No Xbox. Except now instead of one week it's two. Wanna try for three? And you now owe your mom an extra $10. That's coming out of your allowance. You need money for something? Ask us. And if you want to buy something that you can't ask us about, you probably shouldn't be buying it in the first place."Kid should have been told, repeatedly and early on, that going into mom's purse for any reason is unacceptable and that if they need anything, ask and it can be discussed.As far as control, when you have their respect and they know what their limits are, control is easy. And you don't need a belt to get there.
Do you think they would have been a burden on society if they received the same beatings? It sounds like an argument in favor of the beatings, but you don't do it yourself and say it wasn't necessary.
Case by case. Discipline is needed, exactly how its administered depends on the child and parent(s).
How do I manage over 100 teenagers everyday for 6 hours with them having 0 fear of ever being struck by me? Further complicating things is that many of them receive no discipline at home from their parents. In my experience people generally respond with respect when shown respect.
Fair enough. I can agree with that.
Impossible for me to say,
Shut up.I'm against using anything but my hand, but this is stupid. Quit.Interested in seeing how many fbg's support child abuse.
Well I agree discipline is needed. I believe a spanking here and there is fine. Like I posted earlier, I was disciplined that way on occasion. That being said my wife is against that completely so my son and my daughter have never been punished that way. A few times when my son was younger I slapped his hand when he was grabbing for the stove but that was almost a reaction.I know some people say kids shouldn't be afraid of their parents but I personally feel a little bit of fear is a good thing. You can have respect and fear. I was afraid of my father growing up but just enough to not #### up. It's not like he would walk in a room and I would be afraid, it was more I was out being a ####### and if my pop found out, I was ####ed. Of course as I got older a resented him but then that passed too and we have a great relationship. I know now he just didn't want a kid to be a #### up like he was, yes they were a tad strict in some areas
Closed fist?
Brilliant post.
Yup.Brilliant post.
