Is it ever ok to use a belt to discipline your child? (1 Viewer)

[BigJohn]

Have spanking parents raised some quality, well-adjusted kids? Sure.

Have spanking parents raised some complete ####heads? Of course.

Have non-spanking parents raised great kids? Absolutely.

Have non-spanking kids raised some absolute monsters? Definitely.

Look, spanking is like driving a car. There is a right way and wrong way to do it. And, if you're a lazy parent that only relies on physical punishment, you're not driving the car correctly. Spanking absolutely has it's place, but it needs to be reinforced with lots of other tactics and only used as a last resort.

To make this an absolute black and white topic is naive and wrong.

 

[Bigboy10182000]

Great point.

A group of guys that I work with were sitting around a restaurant the other day, and all 6 of us got "beat" as kids. We all lamented the fact that kids these days are crazy and are not disciplined. One guy said that if he was at a friends house and he did something bad, his friend's parents would whip him, and then he'd get home and get another whipping.

It was a way of life, and kids developed a healthy respect and fear for their parents, if the whippings weren't abusive.

It is patently false that all whippings are abusive, and there are many in this thread that seem to be implying that. They are wrong.

Very well said!

 

[cstu]

Cant imagine hitting my 5yo for anything. What are your kids doing that result in you hitting them? Spilling your PBR?

at the last part.I asked this a couple pages ago and never got any examples of what their kids did to get a belt/spanking, unless I missed them.

Blatant disobedience? Defiance? Temper tantrums? There are plenty of things that kids do. I was in a nice restaurant and had to take my 3 year old outside for a stern couple of words. On the way out a father was coming inside and his kid was hitting him over and over. The dad was like "now son let's not hit"... So ther is a perfect example of a time when a kid needs to learn their place, and a spanking might be the perfect tool, though it depends on the kid.

I think many confuse spanking with beating. My philosophy is that a spanking should only cause momentary pain. And what comes after the quick spanking is probably more important.

Beating a kid bare skinned with a belt is totally different and I would imagine that could cause serious problems, though I am sure there are many well adjusted kids that went through that.

Are you suggesting that the best way to teach children not to hit people is by hitting them?

If it works why not? I never said its the " best way". But that kid needed some serious discipline. What if you tried everything and nothing worked? Then a spanking worked?

You guys can question it all you want, but plenty of parents use spanking as a discipline tool and they use it because it works. And our children are very happy, normal children.

I guess if you've already failed as a parent and your only chance is to beat your kid into submission, then sure why not.

 

[doowain]

I'm a father of 4 and never had to (or think I would) use the belt on any of my kids, but I understand it's purpose.My father used it on me and I don't look back and think he was wrong. In many instances I deserved it and his speaches didn't drive the point home. I turned out great...no self-esteem issues, good job, happy life etc.The only one of my friends who do not spank or hit his kids has without question the worst ones. No respect from his son who's 15...there's simply no fear and no respect.

To be respected you have to be respectful yourself - especially when talking to your kids - and expect it of your kids on a constant basis. It's hard work so many parents let disrespectful behavior slide most of the time and when they do try to get kids to be respectful they yell at them instead of respectfully teaching the correct behavior.

That's a blanket statement. Truthfully, I think every child is a special case and you have to know what will work for that child. My brother for instance....nothing worked on him. Talk to him "like an adult", didn't work at all. Ground him/make him stand in the corner, didn't work most times. Spank him, definitely got the best results.For me, all of the above worked. I hated to disappoint my parents. But, then again, my brother and I couldn't have more different personalities/priorities if we tried.

 

[General Malaise]

There is a reason a large number of children are growing up these days with no backbone and no sense of discipline. A generation of pansies is being bred.

As long as it isn't excessive, I see nothing wrong with using a belt on your child. You can discipline with love. In fact, I think using your hand is more heinous than a belt. At least the belt detaches you from being the "abuser". They associate the belt with discipline. Not your hand. And, truthfully, I don't remember any times I was spanked with a belt that it sticks out in my mind. Really, it's the anticipation of it that is the most painful. Not the actual "belting".

I swear. This world is full of hypocritical know-it-alls. Everyone wants to tell everyone else how they should raise their children. It's silly. Maybe pay a little more attention in your own home and stop trying to solve the world's "problems".

And while we are on the subject of parents coddling and being overprotective of their children; Do you really need to drive to the bus stop and sit in the car with them while the bus pulls up and comes to a complete stop? Seriously? I used to have to walk 1/2 a mile to my bus stop with my younger brother in the 2nd grade. We'd ride our bikes to school over a mile away in the 4th grade. I understand you want your children to be safe, but stop making them SO AFRAID of the world. Jesus.

FWIW, I don't have children yet, so this is an unbiased opinion.

For a guy who doesn't have any children, you sure have a lot of opinions about parenting them. What sort of exposure do you have to children where you can make a blanket statement that "a large number of children are growing up these days with no backbone and no sense of discipline"?

As a former child, I feel that I have every right to an opinion on the matter.I see children at restaurants all the time that are ridiculously out of control. Loud, running around. I never did that as a child, because I knew if I did, I'd get my ### spanked. You can discipline your children and they will still love you. Those two things are NOT mutually exclusive. Show them love. It's not that difficult of a concept.

It just seems that so many kids don't respect there parents these days and you see that behavior first hand. I have more respect for my dad than any man in the world. But he spanked me. He never beat me. So, there may be a disconnect on my opinion here.

I know it's not the only factor in the matter, but look at violence in schools. It's escalated dramatically from the 70s, 80s, and early 90s when paddling was still allowed in schools. Can't be a complete coincidence.

I'd be curious to see the statistics on this. I'm not saying you are wrong, but I'd like some evidence that violence in shools is way up. I don't have a link handy for this, but my understanding is that violent crime as a whole is DOWN in our country...way down in some places. So we have an uptick in school violence but a significant downtick in violent crime. That's an odd correlation.When children are in restaurants they are generally excited and in the case of my children, being treated to a soda, which we do not keep in the house. But I won't tolerate them running around out of control and agree that unruly children have no place in a restaurant. That said, I've seen some very well behaved children in restaurants too. I don't think every child in every restaurant is out of control, but believe a bad apple can spoil the bunch. However, if that is your only exposure to children, I have to wonder if that's enough to form a blanket opinion that all children lack discipline or have no backbone.

I coach all my sons' sports, volunteer in their school and open my home up to neighborhood kids. I will grant you that there are some poorly behaved children out there, but there are FAR MORE good kids with nice manners and plenty of backbone. I've witnessed several instances of children displaying compassion, generosity and kindness towards others while at the same time showing fearlessness and backbone out on the field/court. For every one poor display of bad sportsmanship, I've seen a hundred examples of kids displaying good sportsmanship and tremendous character. On the whole, I think the kids are alright. I don't think they are any different today than they were when I was a kid in the 80s. Once you have kids you'll open yourself up to a lot more exposure and will see that there are far more good kids than bad. IMHO.

 

[Bigboy10182000]

I'm a father of 4 and never had to (or think I would) use the belt on any of my kids, but I understand it's purpose.

My father used it on me and I don't look back and think he was wrong. In many instances I deserved it and his speaches didn't drive the point home. I turned out great...no self-esteem issues, good job, happy life etc.

The only one of my friends who do not spank or hit his kids has without question the worst ones. No respect from his son who's 15...there's simply no fear and no respect.

To be respected you have to be respectful yourself - especially when talking to your kids - and expect it of your kids on a constant basis. It's hard work so many parents let disrespectful behavior slide most of the time and when they do try to get kids to be respectful they yell at them instead of respectfully teaching the correct behavior.

That's a blanket statement. Truthfully, I think every child is a special case and you have to know what will work for that child. My brother for instance....nothing worked on him. Talk to him "like an adult", didn't work at all. Ground him/make him stand in the corner, didn't work most times. Spank him, definitely got the best results.

For me, all of the above worked. I hated to disappoint my parents. But, then again, my brother and I couldn't have more different personalities/priorities if we tried.

That's what sums up my friends case. It doesnt matter what he does, it doesnt work. I have seen him "punish" his son without spanking in so many ways and nothing worked. You ever try watching a football game when a guy is trying to put his 7 year old in his room only to have him leave the room every time? Now he tries to take the X-box, TV, grounding him etc and how does the kid respond? He leaves...a day at a time until they give him back the stuff or remove the punishment. The dad just recently said that maybe he should have gave him a crack every now and then. I didn't do half the stuff I could because I thought about what would happen if Dad found out.

 

[menobrown]

I don't want to paint a false picture of myself as a kid who was constantly beaten on because I know a lot of kids had it worse than me but I was beaten with a belt often. Sometimes severely and man belts were a lot bigger in the late 70's/early 80's era. Once my dad got so carried away he turned the buckle on me and I passed out. Had to go the hospital later to get checked for internal bleeding and had to undergo humiliating experience of taking of my clothes so they could take photos of my bruises.

Now some of you indicated you were belted and are well adjusted. I think I am as well and as much as I hate to admit it I think it made me tougher than a lot of other kids growing up so as much as I hate to admit I can actually find a positive in it.

But well adjusted or not I certainly questioned myself. I read and watched enough shows on the subject at the time that always was sure to let kids know it's not their fault so I knew that spill and would tell myself it wasn't me but still I'd be lying if I said I did not have this deep down feeling like there must be something wrong with me.

I do understand a stark contrast between beating and belting. After the beating were I had to go the hospital my dad was informed if he did it again he'd go to jail. He never beat me again but he did belt me a few times and it still stung me to the core. How much of that had to do with the trauma of some of the past beatings I'll never know but I know that just a "simple" belting took an emotional toll on me.

My dad died suddenly in a car wreck when I was 13, a few years after the beating that got me a trip to the hospital. I mention this for one reason because some of you mentioned you continued to have good relationships with your parents who belted/beat you. Not me. When I got told the news he died I quickly broke down which is expected but what surprised even me was "why" I was crying. I remember I had a quick torrent of thoughts that rushed through me, one was that to bad I'd never have a dad again but the biggest torrent of emotion that ran through me was relief that he'd never be able to hit me again.

I don't know about the rest of you but I feel pretty sure if/when you die and the over riding emotion your kid(s) feel is relieve you've really done something seriously wrong with your parenting.

 

[jonessed]

Cant imagine hitting my 5yo for anything. What are your kids doing that result in you hitting them? Spilling your PBR?

at the last part.I asked this a couple pages ago and never got any examples of what their kids did to get a belt/spanking, unless I missed them.

Blatant disobedience? Defiance? Temper tantrums? There are plenty of things that kids do. I was in a nice restaurant and had to take my 3 year old outside for a stern couple of words. On the way out a father was coming inside and his kid was hitting him over and over. The dad was like "now son let's not hit"... So ther is a perfect example of a time when a kid needs to learn their place, and a spanking might be the perfect tool, though it depends on the kid.

I think many confuse spanking with beating. My philosophy is that a spanking should only cause momentary pain. And what comes after the quick spanking is probably more important.

Beating a kid bare skinned with a belt is totally different and I would imagine that could cause serious problems, though I am sure there are many well adjusted kids that went through that.

Are you suggesting that the best way to teach children not to hit people is by hitting them?

If it works why not? I never said its the " best way". But that kid needed some serious discipline. What if you tried everything and nothing worked? Then a spanking worked?

You guys can question it all you want, but plenty of parents use spanking as a discipline tool and they use it because it works. And our children are very happy, normal children.

I guess if you've already failed as a parent and your only chance is to beat your kid into submission, then sure why not.

I hope you aren't this judgemental with your kids. You might cause a mental illness.

 

[StrikeS2k]

I don't want to paint a false picture of myself as a kid who was constantly beaten on because I know a lot of kids had it worse than me but I was beaten with a belt often. Sometimes severely and man belts were a lot bigger in the late 70's/early 80's era. Once my dad got so carried away he turned the buckle on me and I passed out. Had to go the hospital later to get checked for internal bleeding and had to undergo humiliating experience of taking of my clothes so they could take photos of my bruises.Now some of you indicated you were belted and are well adjusted. I think I am as well and as much as I hate to admit it I think it made me tougher than a lot of other kids growing up so as much as I hate to admit I can actually find a positive in it.But well adjusted or not I certainly questioned myself. I read and watched enough shows on the subject at the time that always was sure to let kids know it's not their fault so I knew that spill and would tell myself it wasn't me but still I'd be lying if I said I did not have this deep down feeling like there must be something wrong with me.I do understand a stark contrast between beating and belting. After the beating were I had to go the hospital my dad was informed if he did it again he'd go to jail. He never beat me again but he did belt me a few times and it still stung me to the core. How much of that had to do with the trauma of some of the past beatings I'll never know but I know that just a "simple" belting took an emotional toll on me. My dad died suddenly in a car wreck when I was 13, a few years after the beating that got me a trip to the hospital. I mention this for one reason because some of you mentioned you continued to have good relationships with your parents who belted/beat you. Not me. When I got told the news he died I quickly broke down which is expected but what surprised even me was "why" I was crying. I remember I had a quick torrent of thoughts that rushed through me, one was that to bad I'd never have a dad again but the biggest torrent of emotion that ran through me was relief that he'd never be able to hit me again. I don't know about the rest of you but I feel pretty sure if/when you die and the over riding emotion your kid(s) feel is relieve you've really done something seriously wrong with your parenting.

I'm sorry to read this story. It sounds to me like your father went over the "line." And my first clue was when you said it happened "often." For many reasons a spanking, and it sounds like you got beatings more than spankings, shouldn't be something that happens often. I'm glad you turned out OK despite the abuse.

 

[General Malaise]

I don't want to paint a false picture of myself as a kid who was constantly beaten on because I know a lot of kids had it worse than me but I was beaten with a belt often. Sometimes severely and man belts were a lot bigger in the late 70's/early 80's era. Once my dad got so carried away he turned the buckle on me and I passed out. Had to go the hospital later to get checked for internal bleeding and had to undergo humiliating experience of taking of my clothes so they could take photos of my bruises.Now some of you indicated you were belted and are well adjusted. I think I am as well and as much as I hate to admit it I think it made me tougher than a lot of other kids growing up so as much as I hate to admit I can actually find a positive in it.But well adjusted or not I certainly questioned myself. I read and watched enough shows on the subject at the time that always was sure to let kids know it's not their fault so I knew that spill and would tell myself it wasn't me but still I'd be lying if I said I did not have this deep down feeling like there must be something wrong with me.I do understand a stark contrast between beating and belting. After the beating were I had to go the hospital my dad was informed if he did it again he'd go to jail. He never beat me again but he did belt me a few times and it still stung me to the core. How much of that had to do with the trauma of some of the past beatings I'll never know but I know that just a "simple" belting took an emotional toll on me. My dad died suddenly in a car wreck when I was 13, a few years after the beating that got me a trip to the hospital. I mention this for one reason because some of you mentioned you continued to have good relationships with your parents who belted/beat you. Not me. When I got told the news he died I quickly broke down which is expected but what surprised even me was "why" I was crying. I remember I had a quick torrent of thoughts that rushed through me, one was that to bad I'd never have a dad again but the biggest torrent of emotion that ran through me was relief that he'd never be able to hit me again. I don't know about the rest of you but I feel pretty sure if/when you die and the over riding emotion your kid(s) feel is relieve you've really done something seriously wrong with your parenting.

Wow....that's a pertty heavy post right there.

 

[Bigboy10182000]

I don't want to paint a false picture of myself as a kid who was constantly beaten on because I know a lot of kids had it worse than me but I was beaten with a belt often. Sometimes severely and man belts were a lot bigger in the late 70's/early 80's era. Once my dad got so carried away he turned the buckle on me and I passed out. Had to go the hospital later to get checked for internal bleeding and had to undergo humiliating experience of taking of my clothes so they could take photos of my bruises.Now some of you indicated you were belted and are well adjusted. I think I am as well and as much as I hate to admit it I think it made me tougher than a lot of other kids growing up so as much as I hate to admit I can actually find a positive in it.But well adjusted or not I certainly questioned myself. I read and watched enough shows on the subject at the time that always was sure to let kids know it's not their fault so I knew that spill and would tell myself it wasn't me but still I'd be lying if I said I did not have this deep down feeling like there must be something wrong with me.I do understand a stark contrast between beating and belting. After the beating were I had to go the hospital my dad was informed if he did it again he'd go to jail. He never beat me again but he did belt me a few times and it still stung me to the core. How much of that had to do with the trauma of some of the past beatings I'll never know but I know that just a "simple" belting took an emotional toll on me. My dad died suddenly in a car wreck when I was 13, a few years after the beating that got me a trip to the hospital. I mention this for one reason because some of you mentioned you continued to have good relationships with your parents who belted/beat you. Not me. When I got told the news he died I quickly broke down which is expected but what surprised even me was "why" I was crying. I remember I had a quick torrent of thoughts that rushed through me, one was that to bad I'd never have a dad again but the biggest torrent of emotion that ran through me was relief that he'd never be able to hit me again. I don't know about the rest of you but I feel pretty sure if/when you die and the over riding emotion your kid(s) feel is relieve you've really done something seriously wrong with your parenting.

That is just sad and pisses me off at the same time. I'm sorry you had to go through that.When my dad belted me it was usually just one crack on the butt...maybe 2 depending on what I did but nothing that ever left me welted or bleeding.

 

[cstu]

I don't want to paint a false picture of myself as a kid who was constantly beaten on because I know a lot of kids had it worse than me but I was beaten with a belt often. Sometimes severely and man belts were a lot bigger in the late 70's/early 80's era. Once my dad got so carried away he turned the buckle on me and I passed out. Had to go the hospital later to get checked for internal bleeding and had to undergo humiliating experience of taking of my clothes so they could take photos of my bruises.Now some of you indicated you were belted and are well adjusted. I think I am as well and as much as I hate to admit it I think it made me tougher than a lot of other kids growing up so as much as I hate to admit I can actually find a positive in it.But well adjusted or not I certainly questioned myself. I read and watched enough shows on the subject at the time that always was sure to let kids know it's not their fault so I knew that spill and would tell myself it wasn't me but still I'd be lying if I said I did not have this deep down feeling like there must be something wrong with me.I do understand a stark contrast between beating and belting. After the beating were I had to go the hospital my dad was informed if he did it again he'd go to jail. He never beat me again but he did belt me a few times and it still stung me to the core. How much of that had to do with the trauma of some of the past beatings I'll never know but I know that just a "simple" belting took an emotional toll on me. My dad died suddenly in a car wreck when I was 13, a few years after the beating that got me a trip to the hospital. I mention this for one reason because some of you mentioned you continued to have good relationships with your parents who belted/beat you. Not me. When I got told the news he died I quickly broke down which is expected but what surprised even me was "why" I was crying. I remember I had a quick torrent of thoughts that rushed through me, one was that to bad I'd never have a dad again but the biggest torrent of emotion that ran through me was relief that he'd never be able to hit me again. I don't know about the rest of you but I feel pretty sure if/when you die and the over riding emotion your kid(s) feel is relieve you've really done something seriously wrong with your parenting.

I'm sorry to read this story. It sounds to me like your father went over the "line." And my first clue was when you said it happened "often." For many reasons a spanking, and it sounds like you got beatings more than spankings, shouldn't be something that happens often. I'm glad you turned out OK despite the abuse.

Where is this 'line' exactly? His story isn't too much different than mine except I was never taken to the hospital. The closest I had was CPS being called to the house since my bruises were noticed as school. Nothing came of that and even my mom asked me to lie about what happened.

 

[General Malaise]

Cant imagine hitting my 5yo for anything. What are your kids doing that result in you hitting them? Spilling your PBR?

at the last part.I asked this a couple pages ago and never got any examples of what their kids did to get a belt/spanking, unless I missed them.

Blatant disobedience? Defiance? Temper tantrums? There are plenty of things that kids do. I was in a nice restaurant and had to take my 3 year old outside for a stern couple of words. On the way out a father was coming inside and his kid was hitting him over and over. The dad was like "now son let's not hit"... So ther is a perfect example of a time when a kid needs to learn their place, and a spanking might be the perfect tool, though it depends on the kid.

I think many confuse spanking with beating. My philosophy is that a spanking should only cause momentary pain. And what comes after the quick spanking is probably more important.

Beating a kid bare skinned with a belt is totally different and I would imagine that could cause serious problems, though I am sure there are many well adjusted kids that went through that.

Are you suggesting that the best way to teach children not to hit people is by hitting them?

If it works why not? I never said its the " best way". But that kid needed some serious discipline. What if you tried everything and nothing worked? Then a spanking worked?

You guys can question it all you want, but plenty of parents use spanking as a discipline tool and they use it because it works. And our children are very happy, normal children.

I guess if you've already failed as a parent and your only chance is to beat your kid into submission, then sure why not.

I hope you aren't this judgemental with your kids. You might cause a mental illness.

You really aren't being very nice by repeating this. I know a little bit about Bostonfred's brother and his issues are pretty well documented. For you to mock it by pooh-poohing what Fred said is hardly excellent towards him.My ex-wife was beaten as a child and while I'll stop short of saying she has mental illness, she has had a lot of difficulty in her life battling depression and other issues that can be traced back to her childhood. To minimize the impact of abuse on a child in the manner you are going about doing it today is a little insulting. If you want to say beating your child with a belt is not abusive, I'd ask you to re-read Menobrown's post again and rethink your opinion.

 

[jonessed]

I don't want to paint a false picture of myself as a kid who was constantly beaten on because I know a lot of kids had it worse than me but I was beaten with a belt often. Sometimes severely and man belts were a lot bigger in the late 70's/early 80's era. Once my dad got so carried away he turned the buckle on me and I passed out. Had to go the hospital later to get checked for internal bleeding and had to undergo humiliating experience of taking of my clothes so they could take photos of my bruises.Now some of you indicated you were belted and are well adjusted. I think I am as well and as much as I hate to admit it I think it made me tougher than a lot of other kids growing up so as much as I hate to admit I can actually find a positive in it.But well adjusted or not I certainly questioned myself. I read and watched enough shows on the subject at the time that always was sure to let kids know it's not their fault so I knew that spill and would tell myself it wasn't me but still I'd be lying if I said I did not have this deep down feeling like there must be something wrong with me.I do understand a stark contrast between beating and belting. After the beating were I had to go the hospital my dad was informed if he did it again he'd go to jail. He never beat me again but he did belt me a few times and it still stung me to the core. How much of that had to do with the trauma of some of the past beatings I'll never know but I know that just a "simple" belting took an emotional toll on me. My dad died suddenly in a car wreck when I was 13, a few years after the beating that got me a trip to the hospital. I mention this for one reason because some of you mentioned you continued to have good relationships with your parents who belted/beat you. Not me. When I got told the news he died I quickly broke down which is expected but what surprised even me was "why" I was crying. I remember I had a quick torrent of thoughts that rushed through me, one was that to bad I'd never have a dad again but the biggest torrent of emotion that ran through me was relief that he'd never be able to hit me again. I don't know about the rest of you but I feel pretty sure if/when you die and the over riding emotion your kid(s) feel is relieve you've really done something seriously wrong with your parenting.

I'm sorry to read this story. It sounds to me like your father went over the "line." And my first clue was when you said it happened "often." For many reasons a spanking, and it sounds like you got beatings more than spankings, shouldn't be something that happens often. I'm glad you turned out OK despite the abuse.

Where is this 'line' exactly? His story isn't too much different than mine except I was never taken to the hospital. The closest I had was CPS being called to the house since my bruises were noticed as school. Nothing came of that and even my mom asked me to lie about what happened.

I think rational people can make a clear distinction between beating a child and spanking a child.

 

[General Malaise]

I don't want to paint a false picture of myself as a kid who was constantly beaten on because I know a lot of kids had it worse than me but I was beaten with a belt often. Sometimes severely and man belts were a lot bigger in the late 70's/early 80's era. Once my dad got so carried away he turned the buckle on me and I passed out. Had to go the hospital later to get checked for internal bleeding and had to undergo humiliating experience of taking of my clothes so they could take photos of my bruises.Now some of you indicated you were belted and are well adjusted. I think I am as well and as much as I hate to admit it I think it made me tougher than a lot of other kids growing up so as much as I hate to admit I can actually find a positive in it.But well adjusted or not I certainly questioned myself. I read and watched enough shows on the subject at the time that always was sure to let kids know it's not their fault so I knew that spill and would tell myself it wasn't me but still I'd be lying if I said I did not have this deep down feeling like there must be something wrong with me.I do understand a stark contrast between beating and belting. After the beating were I had to go the hospital my dad was informed if he did it again he'd go to jail. He never beat me again but he did belt me a few times and it still stung me to the core. How much of that had to do with the trauma of some of the past beatings I'll never know but I know that just a "simple" belting took an emotional toll on me. My dad died suddenly in a car wreck when I was 13, a few years after the beating that got me a trip to the hospital. I mention this for one reason because some of you mentioned you continued to have good relationships with your parents who belted/beat you. Not me. When I got told the news he died I quickly broke down which is expected but what surprised even me was "why" I was crying. I remember I had a quick torrent of thoughts that rushed through me, one was that to bad I'd never have a dad again but the biggest torrent of emotion that ran through me was relief that he'd never be able to hit me again. I don't know about the rest of you but I feel pretty sure if/when you die and the over riding emotion your kid(s) feel is relieve you've really done something seriously wrong with your parenting.

I'm sorry to read this story. It sounds to me like your father went over the "line." And my first clue was when you said it happened "often." For many reasons a spanking, and it sounds like you got beatings more than spankings, shouldn't be something that happens often. I'm glad you turned out OK despite the abuse.

Where is this 'line' exactly? His story isn't too much different than mine except I was never taken to the hospital. The closest I had was CPS being called to the house since my bruises were noticed as school. Nothing came of that and even my mom asked me to lie about what happened.

But hey, you have a backbone, right?

 

[StrikeS2k]

I don't want to paint a false picture of myself as a kid who was constantly beaten on because I know a lot of kids had it worse than me but I was beaten with a belt often. Sometimes severely and man belts were a lot bigger in the late 70's/early 80's era. Once my dad got so carried away he turned the buckle on me and I passed out. Had to go the hospital later to get checked for internal bleeding and had to undergo humiliating experience of taking of my clothes so they could take photos of my bruises.Now some of you indicated you were belted and are well adjusted. I think I am as well and as much as I hate to admit it I think it made me tougher than a lot of other kids growing up so as much as I hate to admit I can actually find a positive in it.But well adjusted or not I certainly questioned myself. I read and watched enough shows on the subject at the time that always was sure to let kids know it's not their fault so I knew that spill and would tell myself it wasn't me but still I'd be lying if I said I did not have this deep down feeling like there must be something wrong with me.I do understand a stark contrast between beating and belting. After the beating were I had to go the hospital my dad was informed if he did it again he'd go to jail. He never beat me again but he did belt me a few times and it still stung me to the core. How much of that had to do with the trauma of some of the past beatings I'll never know but I know that just a "simple" belting took an emotional toll on me. My dad died suddenly in a car wreck when I was 13, a few years after the beating that got me a trip to the hospital. I mention this for one reason because some of you mentioned you continued to have good relationships with your parents who belted/beat you. Not me. When I got told the news he died I quickly broke down which is expected but what surprised even me was "why" I was crying. I remember I had a quick torrent of thoughts that rushed through me, one was that to bad I'd never have a dad again but the biggest torrent of emotion that ran through me was relief that he'd never be able to hit me again. I don't know about the rest of you but I feel pretty sure if/when you die and the over riding emotion your kid(s) feel is relieve you've really done something seriously wrong with your parenting.

I'm sorry to read this story. It sounds to me like your father went over the "line." And my first clue was when you said it happened "often." For many reasons a spanking, and it sounds like you got beatings more than spankings, shouldn't be something that happens often. I'm glad you turned out OK despite the abuse.

Where is this 'line' exactly? His story isn't too much different than mine except I was never taken to the hospital. The closest I had was CPS being called to the house since my bruises were noticed as school. Nothing came of that and even my mom asked me to lie about what happened.

The line is not black and white. It's more like the Supreme Court when talking about obscenity and said "I know it when I see it." For the record, I don't remember reading your post if you posted your story, but from what you said above I'd say the line was crossed in your case as well. If it's happening frequently, and you've got bruises all over, that's over the line IMO.

 

[Clifford]

Sure

how many kids you got?

 

[jonessed]

Cant imagine hitting my 5yo for anything. What are your kids doing that result in you hitting them? Spilling your PBR?

at the last part.I asked this a couple pages ago and never got any examples of what their kids did to get a belt/spanking, unless I missed them.

Blatant disobedience? Defiance? Temper tantrums? There are plenty of things that kids do. I was in a nice restaurant and had to take my 3 year old outside for a stern couple of words. On the way out a father was coming inside and his kid was hitting him over and over. The dad was like "now son let's not hit"... So ther is a perfect example of a time when a kid needs to learn their place, and a spanking might be the perfect tool, though it depends on the kid.

I think many confuse spanking with beating. My philosophy is that a spanking should only cause momentary pain. And what comes after the quick spanking is probably more important.

Beating a kid bare skinned with a belt is totally different and I would imagine that could cause serious problems, though I am sure there are many well adjusted kids that went through that.

Are you suggesting that the best way to teach children not to hit people is by hitting them?

If it works why not? I never said its the " best way". But that kid needed some serious discipline. What if you tried everything and nothing worked? Then a spanking worked?

You guys can question it all you want, but plenty of parents use spanking as a discipline tool and they use it because it works. And our children are very happy, normal children.

I guess if you've already failed as a parent and your only chance is to beat your kid into submission, then sure why not.

I hope you aren't this judgemental with your kids. You might cause a mental illness.

You really aren't being very nice by repeating this. I know a little bit about Bostonfred's brother and his issues are pretty well documented. For you to mock it by pooh-poohing what Fred said is hardly excellent towards him.My ex-wife was beaten as a child and while I'll stop short of saying she has mental illness, she has had a lot of difficulty in her life battling depression and other issues that can be traced back to her childhood. To minimize the impact of abuse on a child in the manner you are going about doing it today is a little insulting. If you want to say beating your child with a belt is not abusive, I'd ask you to re-read Menobrown's post again and rethink your opinion.

You are one of the more un-excellent posters on this board and, in the past, you have suggested you are even proud of it. Forgive me if I find your post ironic.Menobrown suggested he was beaten by more than a belt. In fact, I don't support belt beatings anyway. If we can't differentiate between a spanking and what happened to Meno then it's really no wonder these conversations spin off into hyperbole.

 

[General Malaise]

Cant imagine hitting my 5yo for anything. What are your kids doing that result in you hitting them? Spilling your PBR?

at the last part.I asked this a couple pages ago and never got any examples of what their kids did to get a belt/spanking, unless I missed them.

Blatant disobedience? Defiance? Temper tantrums? There are plenty of things that kids do. I was in a nice restaurant and had to take my 3 year old outside for a stern couple of words. On the way out a father was coming inside and his kid was hitting him over and over. The dad was like "now son let's not hit"... So ther is a perfect example of a time when a kid needs to learn their place, and a spanking might be the perfect tool, though it depends on the kid.

I think many confuse spanking with beating. My philosophy is that a spanking should only cause momentary pain. And what comes after the quick spanking is probably more important.

Beating a kid bare skinned with a belt is totally different and I would imagine that could cause serious problems, though I am sure there are many well adjusted kids that went through that.

Are you suggesting that the best way to teach children not to hit people is by hitting them?

If it works why not? I never said its the " best way". But that kid needed some serious discipline. What if you tried everything and nothing worked? Then a spanking worked?

You guys can question it all you want, but plenty of parents use spanking as a discipline tool and they use it because it works. And our children are very happy, normal children.

I guess if you've already failed as a parent and your only chance is to beat your kid into submission, then sure why not.

I hope you aren't this judgemental with your kids. You might cause a mental illness.

You really aren't being very nice by repeating this. I know a little bit about Bostonfred's brother and his issues are pretty well documented. For you to mock it by pooh-poohing what Fred said is hardly excellent towards him.My ex-wife was beaten as a child and while I'll stop short of saying she has mental illness, she has had a lot of difficulty in her life battling depression and other issues that can be traced back to her childhood. To minimize the impact of abuse on a child in the manner you are going about doing it today is a little insulting. If you want to say beating your child with a belt is not abusive, I'd ask you to re-read Menobrown's post again and rethink your opinion.

You are one of the more un-excellent posters on this board and, in the past, you have suggested you are even proud of it. Forgive me if I find your post ironic.Menobrown suggested he was beaten by more than a belt. In fact, I don't support belt beatings anyway. If we can't differentiate between a spanking and what happened to Meno then it's really no wonder these conversations spin off into hyperbole.

Speaking of hyperbole...

 

[VA703]

boiling water

 

[cstu]

I don't want to paint a false picture of myself as a kid who was constantly beaten on because I know a lot of kids had it worse than me but I was beaten with a belt often. Sometimes severely and man belts were a lot bigger in the late 70's/early 80's era. Once my dad got so carried away he turned the buckle on me and I passed out. Had to go the hospital later to get checked for internal bleeding and had to undergo humiliating experience of taking of my clothes so they could take photos of my bruises.Now some of you indicated you were belted and are well adjusted. I think I am as well and as much as I hate to admit it I think it made me tougher than a lot of other kids growing up so as much as I hate to admit I can actually find a positive in it.But well adjusted or not I certainly questioned myself. I read and watched enough shows on the subject at the time that always was sure to let kids know it's not their fault so I knew that spill and would tell myself it wasn't me but still I'd be lying if I said I did not have this deep down feeling like there must be something wrong with me.I do understand a stark contrast between beating and belting. After the beating were I had to go the hospital my dad was informed if he did it again he'd go to jail. He never beat me again but he did belt me a few times and it still stung me to the core. How much of that had to do with the trauma of some of the past beatings I'll never know but I know that just a "simple" belting took an emotional toll on me. My dad died suddenly in a car wreck when I was 13, a few years after the beating that got me a trip to the hospital. I mention this for one reason because some of you mentioned you continued to have good relationships with your parents who belted/beat you. Not me. When I got told the news he died I quickly broke down which is expected but what surprised even me was "why" I was crying. I remember I had a quick torrent of thoughts that rushed through me, one was that to bad I'd never have a dad again but the biggest torrent of emotion that ran through me was relief that he'd never be able to hit me again. I don't know about the rest of you but I feel pretty sure if/when you die and the over riding emotion your kid(s) feel is relieve you've really done something seriously wrong with your parenting.

I'm sorry to read this story. It sounds to me like your father went over the "line." And my first clue was when you said it happened "often." For many reasons a spanking, and it sounds like you got beatings more than spankings, shouldn't be something that happens often. I'm glad you turned out OK despite the abuse.

Where is this 'line' exactly? His story isn't too much different than mine except I was never taken to the hospital. The closest I had was CPS being called to the house since my bruises were noticed as school. Nothing came of that and even my mom asked me to lie about what happened.

The line is not black and white. It's more like the Supreme Court when talking about obscenity and said "I know it when I see it." For the record, I don't remember reading your post if you posted your story, but from what you said above I'd say the line was crossed in your case as well. If it's happening frequently, and you've got bruises all over, that's over the line IMO.

I've posted about it before in earlier thread but I didn't have bruises all over, 'just' on the back/side of my legs. The thing is that I don't think the spankings I got where nearly as bad as what many kids and yet it definitely changed me as a person. Like meno I believe it has made me stronger in some ways, but I also have a complete lack of respect for authority. I've always been a smart guy and knew how to get through life 'getting along' and avoiding trouble but I definitely view things in a negative light due to my experiences. Perhaps if I had received spankings which I felt I was deserving of it would have had different impact on me, but I was a very good kid who didn't deserve such an extreme punishment.

 

[jonessed]

I don't want to paint a false picture of myself as a kid who was constantly beaten on because I know a lot of kids had it worse than me but I was beaten with a belt often. Sometimes severely and man belts were a lot bigger in the late 70's/early 80's era. Once my dad got so carried away he turned the buckle on me and I passed out. Had to go the hospital later to get checked for internal bleeding and had to undergo humiliating experience of taking of my clothes so they could take photos of my bruises.Now some of you indicated you were belted and are well adjusted. I think I am as well and as much as I hate to admit it I think it made me tougher than a lot of other kids growing up so as much as I hate to admit I can actually find a positive in it.But well adjusted or not I certainly questioned myself. I read and watched enough shows on the subject at the time that always was sure to let kids know it's not their fault so I knew that spill and would tell myself it wasn't me but still I'd be lying if I said I did not have this deep down feeling like there must be something wrong with me.I do understand a stark contrast between beating and belting. After the beating were I had to go the hospital my dad was informed if he did it again he'd go to jail. He never beat me again but he did belt me a few times and it still stung me to the core. How much of that had to do with the trauma of some of the past beatings I'll never know but I know that just a "simple" belting took an emotional toll on me. My dad died suddenly in a car wreck when I was 13, a few years after the beating that got me a trip to the hospital. I mention this for one reason because some of you mentioned you continued to have good relationships with your parents who belted/beat you. Not me. When I got told the news he died I quickly broke down which is expected but what surprised even me was "why" I was crying. I remember I had a quick torrent of thoughts that rushed through me, one was that to bad I'd never have a dad again but the biggest torrent of emotion that ran through me was relief that he'd never be able to hit me again. I don't know about the rest of you but I feel pretty sure if/when you die and the over riding emotion your kid(s) feel is relieve you've really done something seriously wrong with your parenting.

I'm sorry to read this story. It sounds to me like your father went over the "line." And my first clue was when you said it happened "often." For many reasons a spanking, and it sounds like you got beatings more than spankings, shouldn't be something that happens often. I'm glad you turned out OK despite the abuse.

Where is this 'line' exactly? His story isn't too much different than mine except I was never taken to the hospital. The closest I had was CPS being called to the house since my bruises were noticed as school. Nothing came of that and even my mom asked me to lie about what happened.

The line is not black and white. It's more like the Supreme Court when talking about obscenity and said "I know it when I see it." For the record, I don't remember reading your post if you posted your story, but from what you said above I'd say the line was crossed in your case as well. If it's happening frequently, and you've got bruises all over, that's over the line IMO.

I've posted about it before in earlier thread but I didn't have bruises all over, 'just' on the back/side of my legs. The thing is that I don't think the spankings I got where nearly as bad as what many kids and yet it definitely changed me as a person. Like meno I believe it has made me stronger in some ways, but I also have a complete lack of respect for authority. I've always been a smart guy and knew how to get through life 'getting along' and avoiding trouble but I definitely view things in a negative light due to my experiences. Perhaps if I had received spankings which I felt I was deserving of it would have had different impact on me, but I was a very good kid who didn't deserve such an extreme punishment.

Ironically, I don't think we are all that different. I see things in almost the exact same light and my background is similar. I was incredibly lucky to find a very good counselor just after college and I spent about six years with her working through all of this crap. I found the mental abuse much more difficult to work out than the physical abuse. The physical abuse stopped when I finally decided to fight back, but the eroision of self confidence inevitably continues.I actually had friends who had no physical abuse to speak of, but their parents were so judgemental and hard on them that I swear they had it worse than me. They were seriously ####ed up.I have a problem with the black and white characterizations here and the ridiculous assumptions people make with regard to spanking. Life is complex, people are complex. The idea that we can tie a specific case of mental illness to a spanking or somehow separate good vs. bad parents by whether they have spanked their child is flat out absurd.

 

[Native]

Sure

how many kids you got?

For those that advocate beating their kids with a belt, please man up and tell us what your kids were beaten for? Id be interested to hear the last 2-3 times you used the belt and what the offenses were. Lots of tough guys on this board but not a lot of details and the devil is in the details.

 

[Bigboy10182000]

Sure

how many kids you got?

For those that advocate beating their kids with a belt, please man up and tell us what your kids were beaten for? Id be interested to hear the last 2-3 times you used the belt and what the offenses were. Lots of tough guys on this board but not a lot of details and the devil is in the details.

I have already stated that I have not hit my kids with the belt and didnt think I would.My father would and just a few off of the top:1. We (4 of us) decided to go behind the neighborhood apartments (a very wooded area) and see just how kerosene burns. We used an empty corn can and stacked some stuff in and around it and lit it up. A passer by yelled fire and we all ran off. The fire company put out the fire which maybe got 2 foot wide. The cops caught us and proceeded to call our parents. My mom picked me up and when I walked in Dad was on the couch...he asked if I was OK and I said yes. He then stood up, reached behind the pillow on the couch and proceeded to give me some whacks and send me to my room. It hurt. I never played with fire again. 2. I liked to try out wrestling moves on my siblings in my spare time. I just saw this cool piledriver thing I wanted to test out. Prior to this I was warned multiple times about the dangers of these moves. Anyway, the piledriver didnt go over well with my brother (couple stitches in his mouth, hurty head etc) or my dad...a couple more whacks were handed down. I was around 12 in both of these

 

[kentric]

My father used to take the belt to me and I can't say I appreciated his form of education. I'll never do the same to my kids.

 

[shader]

I don't want to paint a false picture of myself as a kid who was constantly beaten on because I know a lot of kids had it worse than me but I was beaten with a belt often. Sometimes severely and man belts were a lot bigger in the late 70's/early 80's era. Once my dad got so carried away he turned the buckle on me and I passed out. Had to go the hospital later to get checked for internal bleeding and had to undergo humiliating experience of taking of my clothes so they could take photos of my bruises.Now some of you indicated you were belted and are well adjusted. I think I am as well and as much as I hate to admit it I think it made me tougher than a lot of other kids growing up so as much as I hate to admit I can actually find a positive in it.But well adjusted or not I certainly questioned myself. I read and watched enough shows on the subject at the time that always was sure to let kids know it's not their fault so I knew that spill and would tell myself it wasn't me but still I'd be lying if I said I did not have this deep down feeling like there must be something wrong with me.I do understand a stark contrast between beating and belting. After the beating were I had to go the hospital my dad was informed if he did it again he'd go to jail. He never beat me again but he did belt me a few times and it still stung me to the core. How much of that had to do with the trauma of some of the past beatings I'll never know but I know that just a "simple" belting took an emotional toll on me. My dad died suddenly in a car wreck when I was 13, a few years after the beating that got me a trip to the hospital. I mention this for one reason because some of you mentioned you continued to have good relationships with your parents who belted/beat you. Not me. When I got told the news he died I quickly broke down which is expected but what surprised even me was "why" I was crying. I remember I had a quick torrent of thoughts that rushed through me, one was that to bad I'd never have a dad again but the biggest torrent of emotion that ran through me was relief that he'd never be able to hit me again. I don't know about the rest of you but I feel pretty sure if/when you die and the over riding emotion your kid(s) feel is relieve you've really done something seriously wrong with your parenting.

Sounds like you had some rough times. My condolences for everything you went through.I don't think anyone in this thread will disagree that beating your kids to the point where they are going to the hospital is abusive and over-the-line. I don't think any of us think this is ok.

 

[shader]

I don't want to paint a false picture of myself as a kid who was constantly beaten on because I know a lot of kids had it worse than me but I was beaten with a belt often. Sometimes severely and man belts were a lot bigger in the late 70's/early 80's era. Once my dad got so carried away he turned the buckle on me and I passed out. Had to go the hospital later to get checked for internal bleeding and had to undergo humiliating experience of taking of my clothes so they could take photos of my bruises.Now some of you indicated you were belted and are well adjusted. I think I am as well and as much as I hate to admit it I think it made me tougher than a lot of other kids growing up so as much as I hate to admit I can actually find a positive in it.But well adjusted or not I certainly questioned myself. I read and watched enough shows on the subject at the time that always was sure to let kids know it's not their fault so I knew that spill and would tell myself it wasn't me but still I'd be lying if I said I did not have this deep down feeling like there must be something wrong with me.I do understand a stark contrast between beating and belting. After the beating were I had to go the hospital my dad was informed if he did it again he'd go to jail. He never beat me again but he did belt me a few times and it still stung me to the core. How much of that had to do with the trauma of some of the past beatings I'll never know but I know that just a "simple" belting took an emotional toll on me. My dad died suddenly in a car wreck when I was 13, a few years after the beating that got me a trip to the hospital. I mention this for one reason because some of you mentioned you continued to have good relationships with your parents who belted/beat you. Not me. When I got told the news he died I quickly broke down which is expected but what surprised even me was "why" I was crying. I remember I had a quick torrent of thoughts that rushed through me, one was that to bad I'd never have a dad again but the biggest torrent of emotion that ran through me was relief that he'd never be able to hit me again. I don't know about the rest of you but I feel pretty sure if/when you die and the over riding emotion your kid(s) feel is relieve you've really done something seriously wrong with your parenting.

I'm sorry to read this story. It sounds to me like your father went over the "line." And my first clue was when you said it happened "often." For many reasons a spanking, and it sounds like you got beatings more than spankings, shouldn't be something that happens often. I'm glad you turned out OK despite the abuse.

Where is this 'line' exactly? His story isn't too much different than mine except I was never taken to the hospital. The closest I had was CPS being called to the house since my bruises were noticed as school. Nothing came of that and even my mom asked me to lie about what happened.

The line is not black and white. It's more like the Supreme Court when talking about obscenity and said "I know it when I see it." For the record, I don't remember reading your post if you posted your story, but from what you said above I'd say the line was crossed in your case as well. If it's happening frequently, and you've got bruises all over, that's over the line IMO.

I've posted about it before in earlier thread but I didn't have bruises all over, 'just' on the back/side of my legs. The thing is that I don't think the spankings I got where nearly as bad as what many kids and yet it definitely changed me as a person. Like meno I believe it has made me stronger in some ways, but I also have a complete lack of respect for authority. I've always been a smart guy and knew how to get through life 'getting along' and avoiding trouble but I definitely view things in a negative light due to my experiences. Perhaps if I had received spankings which I felt I was deserving of it would have had different impact on me, but I was a very good kid who didn't deserve such an extreme punishment.

Perhaps the problem wasn't that you got "spankings", but that you got unfair punishment. You basically admit that you got extreme punishments despite being a good kid. I think a spanking should be something that rarely happens. If it's happening weekly, it's probably overdone.If I went in and spanked my daughter for no reason, it would start affecting her very negatively.If I give my son a spanking on rare occasions where he does something really bad, I don't think it causes any adverse affects.

 

[shader]

I don't want to paint a false picture of myself as a kid who was constantly beaten on because I know a lot of kids had it worse than me but I was beaten with a belt often. Sometimes severely and man belts were a lot bigger in the late 70's/early 80's era. Once my dad got so carried away he turned the buckle on me and I passed out. Had to go the hospital later to get checked for internal bleeding and had to undergo humiliating experience of taking of my clothes so they could take photos of my bruises.Now some of you indicated you were belted and are well adjusted. I think I am as well and as much as I hate to admit it I think it made me tougher than a lot of other kids growing up so as much as I hate to admit I can actually find a positive in it.But well adjusted or not I certainly questioned myself. I read and watched enough shows on the subject at the time that always was sure to let kids know it's not their fault so I knew that spill and would tell myself it wasn't me but still I'd be lying if I said I did not have this deep down feeling like there must be something wrong with me.I do understand a stark contrast between beating and belting. After the beating were I had to go the hospital my dad was informed if he did it again he'd go to jail. He never beat me again but he did belt me a few times and it still stung me to the core. How much of that had to do with the trauma of some of the past beatings I'll never know but I know that just a "simple" belting took an emotional toll on me. My dad died suddenly in a car wreck when I was 13, a few years after the beating that got me a trip to the hospital. I mention this for one reason because some of you mentioned you continued to have good relationships with your parents who belted/beat you. Not me. When I got told the news he died I quickly broke down which is expected but what surprised even me was "why" I was crying. I remember I had a quick torrent of thoughts that rushed through me, one was that to bad I'd never have a dad again but the biggest torrent of emotion that ran through me was relief that he'd never be able to hit me again. I don't know about the rest of you but I feel pretty sure if/when you die and the over riding emotion your kid(s) feel is relieve you've really done something seriously wrong with your parenting.

I'm sorry to read this story. It sounds to me like your father went over the "line." And my first clue was when you said it happened "often." For many reasons a spanking, and it sounds like you got beatings more than spankings, shouldn't be something that happens often. I'm glad you turned out OK despite the abuse.

Where is this 'line' exactly? His story isn't too much different than mine except I was never taken to the hospital. The closest I had was CPS being called to the house since my bruises were noticed as school. Nothing came of that and even my mom asked me to lie about what happened.

The line is not black and white. It's more like the Supreme Court when talking about obscenity and said "I know it when I see it." For the record, I don't remember reading your post if you posted your story, but from what you said above I'd say the line was crossed in your case as well. If it's happening frequently, and you've got bruises all over, that's over the line IMO.

I've posted about it before in earlier thread but I didn't have bruises all over, 'just' on the back/side of my legs. The thing is that I don't think the spankings I got where nearly as bad as what many kids and yet it definitely changed me as a person. Like meno I believe it has made me stronger in some ways, but I also have a complete lack of respect for authority. I've always been a smart guy and knew how to get through life 'getting along' and avoiding trouble but I definitely view things in a negative light due to my experiences. Perhaps if I had received spankings which I felt I was deserving of it would have had different impact on me, but I was a very good kid who didn't deserve such an extreme punishment.

Ironically, I don't think we are all that different. I see things in almost the exact same light and my background is similar. I was incredibly lucky to find a very good counselor just after college and I spent about six years with her working through all of this crap. I found the mental abuse much more difficult to work out than the physical abuse. The physical abuse stopped when I finally decided to fight back, but the eroision of self confidence inevitably continues.I actually had friends who had no physical abuse to speak of, but their parents were so judgemental and hard on them that I swear they had it worse than me. They were seriously ####ed up.I have a problem with the black and white characterizations here and the ridiculous assumptions people make with regard to spanking. Life is complex, people are complex. The idea that we can tie a specific case of mental illness to a spanking or somehow separate good vs. bad parents by whether they have spanked their child is flat out absurd.

 

[Bigboy10182000]

My father used to take the belt to me and I can't say I appreciated his form of education. I'll never do the same to my kids.

I dont know your circumstances but I appreciated some of it later in life. There was other instances where I thought his punishments were a bit steep or boarderline. He actually threatened to smack me if I didnt "Watch what you were saying in your sleep" Really? That one always stood out to me.

 

[bostonfred]

The first and only time I spanked my daughter she was four years old and it was to stop the habit of running out in the street. She didn't do it in malice, it was really more of a game she played. We tried everything we could to get it to stop. We had short stern talks, long serious talks, took away toys, took away priveleges, after several weeks I resorted to slapping her hand, at first she laughed, so we went back to the other stuff. Nothing. So then I started slapping her hand hard enough for her to know I wasn't messing around. She still did it. Finally, she came within about a foot from my neighbor hitting her with his car and I grabbed her, walked her into the house, and spanked her bottom red. She stopped after that. It could have been the shock of almost getting hit by the car or it could have been the spanking, perhaps both. In a few years I'm sure she will better understand what a moving car can do to the human body. Until then I'm OK with fear of negative consequences dictating whether or not she runs out into the middle of the street. I love teaching my kids, but in order to teach them I have to make sure they are around to teach. Sometimes, if the slow, patient learning process isn't cutting it other measures have to be taken. Hopefully it's the last time I have to do it, but I wouldn't hesitate to do it again if I felt it was neccesary.

This post bothered me when I first read it, and I started to reply, but then I thought about it, and decided i didn't want to say anything offensive about someones parenting style. Then I saw your post that mocked my mention of my brother's mental illness, and your post calling gm out as unexcellent, and I realized that I've never liked you, and its worth mentioning that you're a ####ty parent, too.I mean that. You're not a good parent. Yours might be the worst story in a thread filled with bad stories. The funny thing is, your story about your four year old who had trouble staying out of the road probably sounds like a heroic parental intervention in your head, but what kind of ####pants parent let's their kid get a foot away from getting hit by a car in the frst place, let alone hitting their kid for it? You're not sure what fixed her more, how scared she got because you almost let her die, or the beating? Maybe you're a nice guy in real life, but between that, and poking fun at me mentioning my mentally ill brother, it sounds like you didn't learn half the lessons you think you're qualified to dole out. Good luck with your daughter. I hope she finds a mentor.

 

[doowain]

But hey, you have a backbone, right?

Way to miss the point. Beating and spanking aren't the same thing. I can repeat that again if you'd like.

 

[BigJohn]

Perhaps the problem wasn't that you got "spankings", but that you got unfair punishment. You basically admit that you got extreme punishments despite being a good kid. I think a spanking should be something that rarely happens. If it's happening weekly, it's probably overdone.

If I went in and spanked my daughter for no reason, it would start affecting her very negatively.

If I give my son a spanking on rare occasions where he does something really bad, I don't think it causes any adverse affects.

This is a HUGE point that gets glossed over by the non-spanking crowd. They paint a picture of Dads walking around the house, stalking their kids and whipping out lead bars and leather straps at will. If a punishment is given with no warnings, or reason, that is wrong. Spanking when boundaries have been clearly set and warnings have been issued are completely within reason. I will never advocate using anything but your hand. If you can't get the point accross with a palm, you're crossing the line.

 

[Random]

I have already stated that I have not hit my kids with the belt and didnt think I would.My father would and just a few off of the top:1. We (4 of us) decided to go behind the neighborhood apartments (a very wooded area) and see just how kerosene burns. We used an empty corn can and stacked some stuff in and around it and lit it up. A passer by yelled fire and we all ran off. The fire company put out the fire which maybe got 2 foot wide. The cops caught us and proceeded to call our parents. My mom picked me up and when I walked in Dad was on the couch...he asked if I was OK and I said yes. He then stood up, reached behind the pillow on the couch and proceeded to give me some whacks and send me to my room. It hurt. I never played with fire again. 2. I liked to try out wrestling moves on my siblings in my spare time. I just saw this cool piledriver thing I wanted to test out. Prior to this I was warned multiple times about the dangers of these moves. Anyway, the piledriver didnt go over well with my brother (couple stitches in his mouth, hurty head etc) or my dad...a couple more whacks were handed down. I was around 12 in both of these

In either instance, did the belt have anything to do with you not starting another forest fire or hospitalizing your sibling?

 

[General Malaise]

But hey, you have a backbone, right?

Way to miss the point. Beating and spanking aren't the same thing. I can repeat that again if you'd like.

No, I was being a smart aleck and apologize for the remark.

 

[Worm]

Sure

how many kids you got?

Irrelevant!

 

[doowain]

But hey, you have a backbone, right?

Way to miss the point. Beating and spanking aren't the same thing. I can repeat that again if you'd like.

No, I was being a smart aleck and apologize for the remark.

Fair enough. I'm definitely not above that myself. Carry on

 

[Witz]

The first and only time I spanked my daughter she was four years old and it was to stop the habit of running out in the street. She didn't do it in malice, it was really more of a game she played. We tried everything we could to get it to stop. We had short stern talks, long serious talks, took away toys, took away priveleges, after several weeks I resorted to slapping her hand, at first she laughed, so we went back to the other stuff. Nothing. So then I started slapping her hand hard enough for her to know I wasn't messing around. She still did it. Finally, she came within about a foot from my neighbor hitting her with his car and I grabbed her, walked her into the house, and spanked her bottom red. She stopped after that. It could have been the shock of almost getting hit by the car or it could have been the spanking, perhaps both. In a few years I'm sure she will better understand what a moving car can do to the human body. Until then I'm OK with fear of negative consequences dictating whether or not she runs out into the middle of the street. I love teaching my kids, but in order to teach them I have to make sure they are around to teach. Sometimes, if the slow, patient learning process isn't cutting it other measures have to be taken. Hopefully it's the last time I have to do it, but I wouldn't hesitate to do it again if I felt it was neccesary.

This post bothered me when I first read it, and I started to reply, but then I thought about it, and decided i didn't want to say anything offensive about someones parenting style. Then I saw your post that mocked my mention of my brother's mental illness, and your post calling gm out as unexcellent, and I realized that I've never liked you, and its worth mentioning that you're a ####ty parent, too.I mean that. You're not a good parent. Yours might be the worst story in a thread filled with bad stories. The funny thing is, your story about your four year old who had trouble staying out of the road probably sounds like a heroic parental intervention in your head, but what kind of ####pants parent let's their kid get a foot away from getting hit by a car in the frst place, let alone hitting their kid for it? You're not sure what fixed her more, how scared she got because you almost let her die, or the beating? Maybe you're a nice guy in real life, but between that, and poking fun at me mentioning my mentally ill brother, it sounds like you didn't learn half the lessons you think you're qualified to dole out. Good luck with your daughter. I hope she finds a mentor.

It would be a monumental understatement to say that you're out of line BF.

 

[Christo]

It's child abuse, and just because you were abused as a child doesn't mean it's ok to beat your child too. "I turned out ok" isn't a good reason. You likely would have turned out much better if your parents hadn't taken the easy way out.Louis CK nails it on the head here @ around 4:55 and on:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOxoZ3exM_Q

Try around 7:20:

Look though, let me say this. If you have kids and you do hit your kids, I totally get it. I'm not judging. Let me just explain. I get it. Because my mom hit me. She hit me all the time.

I'm not judging, but this thread explains a lot about you Christo.

How so?

Just talking out your ### again, huh?

 

[gianmarco]

Sure

how many kids you got?

For those that advocate beating their kids with a belt, please man up and tell us what your kids were beaten for? Id be interested to hear the last 2-3 times you used the belt and what the offenses were. Lots of tough guys on this board but not a lot of details and the devil is in the details.

 

[General Malaise]

It would be a monumental understatement to say that you're out of line BF.

As was the mockery of BF's personal account of his brother's mental illness being related to his father's choice of punishment. I found that to be incredibly mean spirited and he did it twice.

 

[Black Box]

I haven't read any of the other posts in this thread, but I voted "no". I do spank*, though.

*Defined as a swat on my child's behind with my open hand while over my lap.

 

[Bigboy10182000]

I have already stated that I have not hit my kids with the belt and didnt think I would.My father would and just a few off of the top:1. We (4 of us) decided to go behind the neighborhood apartments (a very wooded area) and see just how kerosene burns. We used an empty corn can and stacked some stuff in and around it and lit it up. A passer by yelled fire and we all ran off. The fire company put out the fire which maybe got 2 foot wide. The cops caught us and proceeded to call our parents. My mom picked me up and when I walked in Dad was on the couch...he asked if I was OK and I said yes. He then stood up, reached behind the pillow on the couch and proceeded to give me some whacks and send me to my room. It hurt. I never played with fire again. 2. I liked to try out wrestling moves on my siblings in my spare time. I just saw this cool piledriver thing I wanted to test out. Prior to this I was warned multiple times about the dangers of these moves. Anyway, the piledriver didnt go over well with my brother (couple stitches in his mouth, hurty head etc) or my dad...a couple more whacks were handed down. I was around 12 in both of these

In either instance, did the belt have anything to do with you not starting another forest fire or hospitalizing your sibling?

The level of punishment did. I knew that what I did, at those times, was much more serious then anything I previously did.

 

[[icon]]

I realized that I've never liked you

 

[Witz]

It would be a monumental understatement to say that you're out of line BF.

As was the mockery of BF's personal account of his brother's mental illness being related to his father's choice of punishment. I found that to be incredibly mean spirited and he did it twice.

One shouldn't throw stones if one doesn't want them thrown back at them, no?If BF is going to make the blanket statement that anyone who spanks their child is a failure as a parent (made before any comment on mental illness was made), he shouldn't be so sensitive if someone in turn directs a comment back to him (and if we're really keeping track, BF posted his 'failure' comments about 20 posts after jonessed told his story about the one and only time he spanked his child).

 

[Bigboy10182000]

The first and only time I spanked my daughter she was four years old and it was to stop the habit of running out in the street. She didn't do it in malice, it was really more of a game she played. We tried everything we could to get it to stop. We had short stern talks, long serious talks, took away toys, took away priveleges, after several weeks I resorted to slapping her hand, at first she laughed, so we went back to the other stuff. Nothing. So then I started slapping her hand hard enough for her to know I wasn't messing around. She still did it. Finally, she came within about a foot from my neighbor hitting her with his car and I grabbed her, walked her into the house, and spanked her bottom red. She stopped after that. It could have been the shock of almost getting hit by the car or it could have been the spanking, perhaps both. In a few years I'm sure she will better understand what a moving car can do to the human body. Until then I'm OK with fear of negative consequences dictating whether or not she runs out into the middle of the street. I love teaching my kids, but in order to teach them I have to make sure they are around to teach. Sometimes, if the slow, patient learning process isn't cutting it other measures have to be taken. Hopefully it's the last time I have to do it, but I wouldn't hesitate to do it again if I felt it was neccesary.

This post bothered me when I first read it, and I started to reply, but then I thought about it, and decided i didn't want to say anything offensive about someones parenting style. Then I saw your post that mocked my mention of my brother's mental illness, and your post calling gm out as unexcellent, and I realized that I've never liked you, and its worth mentioning that you're a ####ty parent, too.I mean that. You're not a good parent. Yours might be the worst story in a thread filled with bad stories. The funny thing is, your story about your four year old who had trouble staying out of the road probably sounds like a heroic parental intervention in your head, but what kind of ####pants parent let's their kid get a foot away from getting hit by a car in the frst place, let alone hitting their kid for it? You're not sure what fixed her more, how scared she got because you almost let her die, or the beating? Maybe you're a nice guy in real life, but between that, and poking fun at me mentioning my mentally ill brother, it sounds like you didn't learn half the lessons you think you're qualified to dole out. Good luck with your daughter. I hope she finds a mentor.

It would be a monumental understatement to say that you're out of line BF.

Agree 100%...a jab is one thing...that crap BF said is on a whole other level

 

[shader]

Perhaps the problem wasn't that you got "spankings", but that you got unfair punishment. You basically admit that you got extreme punishments despite being a good kid. I think a spanking should be something that rarely happens. If it's happening weekly, it's probably overdone.

If I went in and spanked my daughter for no reason, it would start affecting her very negatively.

If I give my son a spanking on rare occasions where he does something really bad, I don't think it causes any adverse affects.

This is a HUGE point that gets glossed over by the non-spanking crowd. They paint a picture of Dads walking around the house, stalking their kids and whipping out lead bars and leather straps at will. If a punishment is given with no warnings, or reason, that is wrong. Spanking when boundaries have been clearly set and warnings have been issued are completely within reason. I will never advocate using anything but your hand. If you can't get the point accross with a palm, you're crossing the line.

I tend to agree regarding anything more than the hand. I've never used anything else, and doubt I ever will. MAYBE if something was extreme, I would use a paddle, but I don't really own a paddle. Switches and belts can leave welps, and I would feel horrible about that. A paddle on the rear causes more pain, but it's 100% temporary. But I'll never go buy one, so I'll never use one.

I don't necessarily have a problem with those that use belts, if used properly, I just personally don't.

 

[[icon]]

My father would and just a few off of the top:1. We (4 of us) decided to go behind the neighborhood apartments (a very wooded area) and see just how kerosene burns. We used an empty corn can and stacked some stuff in and around it and lit it up. A passer by yelled fire and we all ran off. The fire company put out the fire which maybe got 2 foot wide. The cops caught us and proceeded to call our parents. My mom picked me up and when I walked in Dad was on the couch...he asked if I was OK and I said yes. He then stood up, reached behind the pillow on the couch and proceeded to give me some whacks and send me to my room. It hurt. I never played with fire again. 2. I liked to try out wrestling moves on my siblings in my spare time. I just saw this cool piledriver thing I wanted to test out. Prior to this I was warned multiple times about the dangers of these moves. Anyway, the piledriver didnt go over well with my brother (couple stitches in his mouth, hurty head etc) or my dad...a couple more whacks were handed down. I was around 12 in both of these

This sort of stuff is in line with my experiences as well. Belt was never a first resort... or a second resort.... hell I think I got smacked maybe 3-4 times in my life. I knew that when that belt came out, it was serious business though... and whatever it was that I did wasn't going to happen again. I'm with others in here saying that there is a large grey area and people making it into a black and white issue are coming off as pretty foolish. Swat on the ### with an open hand.... a nice whack or two with the leather part of a belt.... none of these things are going to leave bruises or seriously harm a child when used very sparingly in extreme circumstances. I also think it's a bit naive to think that all kids are going to be 100% functional/healthy mentally. This is not in reference to BF's brother, but more of a general statement. I have no doubts that some kids have issues due to repeated beatings...particularly severe ones. Those are not cool at all. However in my non-shrink-degree-backed opinion (based on common sense more than anything)...if a kid is going to develop mental issues from a once-in-a-blue-moon swat on the ### or slap with a belt... those issues were already there and were going to manifest via some other life experience.

 

[Apple Jack]

I'm a big fan of a coat hanger to the back. And my best friend was thrown through a plate glass window by his father as a kid and I think that's a good one to have in play, too. Take no option off the table. These kids need to know who's boss.

 

[parasaurolophus]

I'm a big fan of a coat hanger to the back. And my best friend was thrown through a plate glass window by his father as a kid and I think that's a good one to have in play, too. Take no option off the table. These kids need to know who's boss.

I always heat the coat hanger up in the fire first.It is more about the act and the anticipation so when I get those coals stoked the build up is very effective.

 

[[icon]]

I'm a big fan of a coat hanger to the back. And my best friend was thrown through a plate glass window by his father as a kid and I think that's a good one to have in play, too. Take no option off the table. These kids need to know who's boss.

Posts like this definitely solidify my opinion that you were beaten as a child.