Buddy Ball 2K3
Footballguy
My wife and I are leaning towards adoption. Fill us in on all the questions they ask, are there anythings that are automatic chance killers? (for example we dont make enough money, I have a split personality etc etc).
Not too much. We should be able to get a child that is 6 months old or younger. We also feel that with my wife being a kindergarten teacher will help in working through any of those issues. Not that being a teacher is a cure-all, but her experience there would be highly beneficial.And one of the reasons that we're doing a foreign adoption is because there's zero chance of a birth parent coming forward 2 years later and going to court to get their kid back. I know that it's rare in the U.S., but it does happen. It's not the only reason, but it's definitely one of them.Aren't you guys a little leery of getting a child out of a foreign orphanage? I would think that you're going to have a kid with issues right off the bat.
Honestly it's pretty much common sense. They'll ask about your financess of course, but you don't need to be Bill Gates to adopt. If you can afford a child, then it'll be fine. They just want to make sure that you're not working the counter part time in a comic book store or something. They'll ask you about your family background, your relationship with your wife, how you plan to raise your children, etc., etc., etc. I haven't looked but I bet you could google 'adoption home study' and find some good info.My wife and I are leaning towards adoption. Fill us in on all the questions they ask, are there anythings that are automatic chance killers? (for example we dont make enough money, I have a split personality etc etc).
Do they look down on people being on medications for panic attacks ? I know my wife suffers from these on occasion (last major one was 10 months ago) and she is worried that will be held against her.Honestly it's pretty much common sense. They'll ask about your financess of course, but you don't need to be Bill Gates to adopt. If you can afford a child, then it'll be fine. They just want to make sure that you're not working the counter part time in a comic book store or something. They'll ask you about your family background, your relationship with your wife, how you plan to raise your children, etc., etc., etc. I haven't looked but I bet you could google 'adoption home study' and find some good info.My wife and I are leaning towards adoption. Fill us in on all the questions they ask, are there anythings that are automatic chance killers? (for example we dont make enough money, I have a split personality etc etc).
They'll ask if the condition is controlled by medication, and they may ask for a brief letter from her doctor summarizing the diagnosis, treatment and prognosis (a quick paragraph or two). The info is confidential, so just be open about it and don't worry. It's not as big of a deal to them as it is to you. They're thinking in terms of "will this affect this person's ability to adequately provide and care for a child?", so that's the degree of a problem they're looking for.Do they look down on people being on medications for panic attacks ? I know my wife suffers from these on occasion (last major one was 10 months ago) and she is worried that will be held against her.Honestly it's pretty much common sense. They'll ask about your financess of course, but you don't need to be Bill Gates to adopt. If you can afford a child, then it'll be fine. They just want to make sure that you're not working the counter part time in a comic book store or something. They'll ask you about your family background, your relationship with your wife, how you plan to raise your children, etc., etc., etc. I haven't looked but I bet you could google 'adoption home study' and find some good info.My wife and I are leaning towards adoption. Fill us in on all the questions they ask, are there anythings that are automatic chance killers? (for example we dont make enough money, I have a split personality etc etc).
Great info thanks. I think my biggest issue in raising children would have to be raising them as Philadelphia fans. Learning to be a loser for at least a decade will be very hard to teach.They'll ask if the condition is controlled by medication, and they may ask for a brief letter from her doctor summarizing the diagnosis, treatment and prognosis (a quick paragraph or two). The info is confidential, so just be open about it and don't worry. It's not as big of a deal to them as it is to you. They're thinking in terms of "will this affect this person's ability to adequately provide and care for a child?", so that's the degree of a problem they're looking for.Do they look down on people being on medications for panic attacks ? I know my wife suffers from these on occasion (last major one was 10 months ago) and she is worried that will be held against her.Honestly it's pretty much common sense. They'll ask about your financess of course, but you don't need to be Bill Gates to adopt. If you can afford a child, then it'll be fine. They just want to make sure that you're not working the counter part time in a comic book store or something. They'll ask you about your family background, your relationship with your wife, how you plan to raise your children, etc., etc., etc. I haven't looked but I bet you could google 'adoption home study' and find some good info.My wife and I are leaning towards adoption. Fill us in on all the questions they ask, are there anythings that are automatic chance killers? (for example we dont make enough money, I have a split personality etc etc).
You're not fit to be a parent if you think a decade's worth of suffering is all the preparation they need.Buddy Ball 2K3 said:Great info thanks. I think my biggest issue in raising children would have to be raising them as Philadelphia fans. Learning to be a loser for at least a decade will be very hard to teach.redman said:They'll ask if the condition is controlled by medication, and they may ask for a brief letter from her doctor summarizing the diagnosis, treatment and prognosis (a quick paragraph or two). The info is confidential, so just be open about it and don't worry. It's not as big of a deal to them as it is to you. They're thinking in terms of "will this affect this person's ability to adequately provide and care for a child?", so that's the degree of a problem they're looking for.Buddy Ball 2K3 said:Do they look down on people being on medications for panic attacks ? I know my wife suffers from these on occasion (last major one was 10 months ago) and she is worried that will be held against her.redman said:Honestly it's pretty much common sense. They'll ask about your financess of course, but you don't need to be Bill Gates to adopt. If you can afford a child, then it'll be fine. They just want to make sure that you're not working the counter part time in a comic book store or something. They'll ask you about your family background, your relationship with your wife, how you plan to raise your children, etc., etc., etc. I haven't looked but I bet you could google 'adoption home study' and find some good info.Buddy Ball 2K3 said:My wife and I are leaning towards adoption. Fill us in on all the questions they ask, are there anythings that are automatic chance killers? (for example we dont make enough money, I have a split personality etc etc).
My wife has MS and was worried that may affect us. But as long as the doctor says that he believes that the person would be a fit parent, you're good to go. BUT, it CAN still affect where you could adopt from potentially. China just really narrowed down who is eligible to adopt from them and a lot of medical issues will disqualify you immediately. But most countries won't be a problem.The homestudy was actually a LOT less invasive than I anticipated it being. Just some general questions about our beliefs, what are values and priorities are, childhood backgrounds, general questions about our families and whether they were supportive. Our first homestudy interview was both of us and took about 25 minutes and the second one was tonight and each of us was interviewed seperately for about 30 minutes each. Honestly it wasn't a big deal at all.redman said:They'll ask if the condition is controlled by medication, and they may ask for a brief letter from her doctor summarizing the diagnosis, treatment and prognosis (a quick paragraph or two). The info is confidential, so just be open about it and don't worry. It's not as big of a deal to them as it is to you. They're thinking in terms of "will this affect this person's ability to adequately provide and care for a child?", so that's the degree of a problem they're looking for.Buddy Ball 2K3 said:Do they look down on people being on medications for panic attacks ? I know my wife suffers from these on occasion (last major one was 10 months ago) and she is worried that will be held against her.redman said:Honestly it's pretty much common sense. They'll ask about your financess of course, but you don't need to be Bill Gates to adopt. If you can afford a child, then it'll be fine. They just want to make sure that you're not working the counter part time in a comic book store or something. They'll ask you about your family background, your relationship with your wife, how you plan to raise your children, etc., etc., etc. I haven't looked but I bet you could google 'adoption home study' and find some good info.Buddy Ball 2K3 said:My wife and I are leaning towards adoption. Fill us in on all the questions they ask, are there anythings that are automatic chance killers? (for example we dont make enough money, I have a split personality etc etc).
The couple that we asked to be the guardians are Philly fans. I told my friend that I'm putting in our will that our child is not allowed to be raised a Philly fan. I think that he thinks I'm joking.Buddy Ball 2K3 said:Great info thanks. I think my biggest issue in raising children would have to be raising them as Philadelphia fans. Learning to be a loser for at least a decade will be very hard to teach.redman said:They'll ask if the condition is controlled by medication, and they may ask for a brief letter from her doctor summarizing the diagnosis, treatment and prognosis (a quick paragraph or two). The info is confidential, so just be open about it and don't worry. It's not as big of a deal to them as it is to you. They're thinking in terms of "will this affect this person's ability to adequately provide and care for a child?", so that's the degree of a problem they're looking for.Buddy Ball 2K3 said:Do they look down on people being on medications for panic attacks ? I know my wife suffers from these on occasion (last major one was 10 months ago) and she is worried that will be held against her.redman said:Honestly it's pretty much common sense. They'll ask about your financess of course, but you don't need to be Bill Gates to adopt. If you can afford a child, then it'll be fine. They just want to make sure that you're not working the counter part time in a comic book store or something. They'll ask you about your family background, your relationship with your wife, how you plan to raise your children, etc., etc., etc. I haven't looked but I bet you could google 'adoption home study' and find some good info.Buddy Ball 2K3 said:My wife and I are leaning towards adoption. Fill us in on all the questions they ask, are there anythings that are automatic chance killers? (for example we dont make enough money, I have a split personality etc etc).
Can you go into this further ? My wife and I are not into organized religion, is this a problem?My wife has MS and was worried that may affect us. But as long as the doctor says that he believes that the person would be a fit parent, you're good to go. BUT, it CAN still affect where you could adopt from potentially. China just really narrowed down who is eligible to adopt from them and a lot of medical issues will disqualify you immediately. But most countries won't be a problem.The homestudy was actually a LOT less invasive than I anticipated it being. Just some general questions about our beliefs, what are values and priorities are, childhood backgrounds, general questions about our families and whether they were supportive. Our first homestudy interview was both of us and took about 25 minutes and the second one was tonight and each of us was interviewed seperately for about 30 minutes each. Honestly it wasn't a big deal at all.redman said:They'll ask if the condition is controlled by medication, and they may ask for a brief letter from her doctor summarizing the diagnosis, treatment and prognosis (a quick paragraph or two). The info is confidential, so just be open about it and don't worry. It's not as big of a deal to them as it is to you. They're thinking in terms of "will this affect this person's ability to adequately provide and care for a child?", so that's the degree of a problem they're looking for.Buddy Ball 2K3 said:Do they look down on people being on medications for panic attacks ? I know my wife suffers from these on occasion (last major one was 10 months ago) and she is worried that will be held against her.redman said:Honestly it's pretty much common sense. They'll ask about your financess of course, but you don't need to be Bill Gates to adopt. If you can afford a child, then it'll be fine. They just want to make sure that you're not working the counter part time in a comic book store or something. They'll ask you about your family background, your relationship with your wife, how you plan to raise your children, etc., etc., etc. I haven't looked but I bet you could google 'adoption home study' and find some good info.Buddy Ball 2K3 said:My wife and I are leaning towards adoption. Fill us in on all the questions they ask, are there anythings that are automatic chance killers? (for example we dont make enough money, I have a split personality etc etc).
Not for the social workers, however in open (domestic) adoptions the birth mother might think it's important. Our birth mother liked that my wife was raised Catholic, for example.Can you go into this further ? My wife and I are not into organized religion, is this a problem?My wife has MS and was worried that may affect us. But as long as the doctor says that he believes that the person would be a fit parent, you're good to go. BUT, it CAN still affect where you could adopt from potentially. China just really narrowed down who is eligible to adopt from them and a lot of medical issues will disqualify you immediately. But most countries won't be a problem.The homestudy was actually a LOT less invasive than I anticipated it being. Just some general questions about our beliefs, what are values and priorities are, childhood backgrounds, general questions about our families and whether they were supportive. Our first homestudy interview was both of us and took about 25 minutes and the second one was tonight and each of us was interviewed seperately for about 30 minutes each. Honestly it wasn't a big deal at all.redman said:They'll ask if the condition is controlled by medication, and they may ask for a brief letter from her doctor summarizing the diagnosis, treatment and prognosis (a quick paragraph or two). The info is confidential, so just be open about it and don't worry. It's not as big of a deal to them as it is to you. They're thinking in terms of "will this affect this person's ability to adequately provide and care for a child?", so that's the degree of a problem they're looking for.Buddy Ball 2K3 said:Do they look down on people being on medications for panic attacks ? I know my wife suffers from these on occasion (last major one was 10 months ago) and she is worried that will be held against her.redman said:Honestly it's pretty much common sense. They'll ask about your financess of course, but you don't need to be Bill Gates to adopt. If you can afford a child, then it'll be fine. They just want to make sure that you're not working the counter part time in a comic book store or something. They'll ask you about your family background, your relationship with your wife, how you plan to raise your children, etc., etc., etc. I haven't looked but I bet you could google 'adoption home study' and find some good info.Buddy Ball 2K3 said:My wife and I are leaning towards adoption. Fill us in on all the questions they ask, are there anythings that are automatic chance killers? (for example we dont make enough money, I have a split personality etc etc).
Thats the main reason my wife is no longer into organized religion She still has scars on her knuckles.Not for the social workers, however in open (domestic) adoptions the birth mother might think it's important. Our birth mother liked that my wife was raised Catholic, for example.Can you go into this further ? My wife and I are not into organized religion, is this a problem?My wife has MS and was worried that may affect us. But as long as the doctor says that he believes that the person would be a fit parent, you're good to go. BUT, it CAN still affect where you could adopt from potentially. China just really narrowed down who is eligible to adopt from them and a lot of medical issues will disqualify you immediately. But most countries won't be a problem.The homestudy was actually a LOT less invasive than I anticipated it being. Just some general questions about our beliefs, what are values and priorities are, childhood backgrounds, general questions about our families and whether they were supportive. Our first homestudy interview was both of us and took about 25 minutes and the second one was tonight and each of us was interviewed seperately for about 30 minutes each. Honestly it wasn't a big deal at all.redman said:They'll ask if the condition is controlled by medication, and they may ask for a brief letter from her doctor summarizing the diagnosis, treatment and prognosis (a quick paragraph or two). The info is confidential, so just be open about it and don't worry. It's not as big of a deal to them as it is to you. They're thinking in terms of "will this affect this person's ability to adequately provide and care for a child?", so that's the degree of a problem they're looking for.Buddy Ball 2K3 said:Do they look down on people being on medications for panic attacks ? I know my wife suffers from these on occasion (last major one was 10 months ago) and she is worried that will be held against her.redman said:Honestly it's pretty much common sense. They'll ask about your financess of course, but you don't need to be Bill Gates to adopt. If you can afford a child, then it'll be fine. They just want to make sure that you're not working the counter part time in a comic book store or something. They'll ask you about your family background, your relationship with your wife, how you plan to raise your children, etc., etc., etc. I haven't looked but I bet you could google 'adoption home study' and find some good info.Buddy Ball 2K3 said:My wife and I are leaning towards adoption. Fill us in on all the questions they ask, are there anythings that are automatic chance killers? (for example we dont make enough money, I have a split personality etc etc).
No (visible) scars, but my wife's interest has faded too - though you wouldn't know it from how rabidly she wants our boy to be raised Catholic, which I find ironic as hell and needle her about relentlessly.Thats the main reason my wife is no longer into organized religion She still has scars on her knuckles.Not for the social workers, however in open (domestic) adoptions the birth mother might think it's important. Our birth mother liked that my wife was raised Catholic, for example.Can you go into this further ? My wife and I are not into organized religion, is this a problem?My wife has MS and was worried that may affect us. But as long as the doctor says that he believes that the person would be a fit parent, you're good to go. BUT, it CAN still affect where you could adopt from potentially. China just really narrowed down who is eligible to adopt from them and a lot of medical issues will disqualify you immediately. But most countries won't be a problem.The homestudy was actually a LOT less invasive than I anticipated it being. Just some general questions about our beliefs, what are values and priorities are, childhood backgrounds, general questions about our families and whether they were supportive. Our first homestudy interview was both of us and took about 25 minutes and the second one was tonight and each of us was interviewed seperately for about 30 minutes each. Honestly it wasn't a big deal at all.redman said:They'll ask if the condition is controlled by medication, and they may ask for a brief letter from her doctor summarizing the diagnosis, treatment and prognosis (a quick paragraph or two). The info is confidential, so just be open about it and don't worry. It's not as big of a deal to them as it is to you. They're thinking in terms of "will this affect this person's ability to adequately provide and care for a child?", so that's the degree of a problem they're looking for.Buddy Ball 2K3 said:Do they look down on people being on medications for panic attacks ? I know my wife suffers from these on occasion (last major one was 10 months ago) and she is worried that will be held against her.redman said:Honestly it's pretty much common sense. They'll ask about your financess of course, but you don't need to be Bill Gates to adopt. If you can afford a child, then it'll be fine. They just want to make sure that you're not working the counter part time in a comic book store or something. They'll ask you about your family background, your relationship with your wife, how you plan to raise your children, etc., etc., etc. I haven't looked but I bet you could google 'adoption home study' and find some good info.Buddy Ball 2K3 said:My wife and I are leaning towards adoption. Fill us in on all the questions they ask, are there anythings that are automatic chance killers? (for example we dont make enough money, I have a split personality etc etc).
One turned one a few weeks before we made the trip. The other turned one while we were there. They're both 5 now and perfectly adjusted little boys.Not from Russia but close. Both have at least a partial Russian heritage.Edit to add: Maybe we just got lucky. I don't know but I can't imagine them turning out any better so far.redman said:How old were they when you took them home? I was thinking of the Russian system when I typed that. Most Russian kids are 1-2 years old at adoption to my understanding, and often have already become "institutionalized" to a degree.Giant Wooden Badger said:Not at all. Two at the same time, no issues.redman said:Aren't you guys a little leery of getting a child out of a foreign orphanage? I would think that you're going to have a kid with issues right off the bat.
We did the same thing. That profile ended up being why we had the inside track with our particular birth mother.One thing we had to do - again, we did a domestic adoption, was create what the agency called a "Profile". In man terms it's a marketing package for you and the wife. You make it all nice a pretty with lots of pictures of you having fun together. You write an autobiography of how much you're in love and why you would make great parents.They give these things to the prospective birth mothers. The birth mother is calling the shots - you want her to pick you.
Yep, same thing here. Like I said my wife is an English teacher so our bio was well written and I'm a bit of a shutterbug so we had ton's of pictures to find the ones that made us look as good as possible for any birth mother.We did the same thing. That profile ended up being why we had the inside track with our particular birth mother.One thing we had to do - again, we did a domestic adoption, was create what the agency called a "Profile". In man terms it's a marketing package for you and the wife. You make it all nice a pretty with lots of pictures of you having fun together. You write an autobiography of how much you're in love and why you would make great parents.They give these things to the prospective birth mothers. The birth mother is calling the shots - you want her to pick you.
Interesting, that seems like another difference between California and Pennsylvania, ours is a public adoption but you still go through an independent agency and we have own case worker. The kids also have a case worker through the county. The counties here don't do any sort of placement, they out source all that to the private agencies. This has actually worked really well because the few times we have needed something from the county it is a nightmare to get, so having our own caseworker has been a blessing. Did I mention she is in her mid to late twenties and hot ? That makes home visits that much better...lolredman said:Ours wasn't so bad either, but this reminded me of the difference between public and private adoptions. My wife and I didn't have a nursery set up when we had our home study (hell, we didn't have the nursery set up when we brought our son home!). No problem with the private agency we were working with. OTOH if we were trying to go through LA County, we'd have had to set up the nursery in its final form to get approved, and the last thing that we wanted was a nursery just sitting there with no kid, to speak nothing of no knowing the style of the nursery when you don't even know the gender of your child.SwampDawg said:Interesting that some found the home study so hard, maybe we just had a really good case worker or Pennsylvania is a lot easier then other states because it wasn't really that big of deal. The actual in house home study and questions took maybe an hour and were pretty straight forward and what you would expect. Now we did have to write a biography before hand that they asked us questions about, that would have been a pain, but god bless having a wife that is an English teacher that wrote like 15 pages, I think even the case worker got tired of reading. All we needed was a standard physical from our doctor, no blood work or other test. the of course the standard Child Abuse and criminal record checks from the state police. If you are going outside your state I believe you need an FBI check which requires finger printing.
Think about the lawyer fees, fingerprints, background checks and adoption agency fees. Then you have to pay for the medical costs associated with the birth and then caring for and housing the child up until they're adopted. The money adds up pretty quick.It's sad to think that it costs over $20k to adopt a child. It should be far less. It's a disgrace for there to be unwanted children in this world that have no prospect of growing up in a loving household.
And this is coming from a guy who's not sure he even wants children at all (genetically related or otherwise).
Still doesn't make it right when any pimple faced dork and some slut can have a kid and aren't fit to have cat. Then you have people that can provide a loving home and be good parents and they get raked over the coals. Personally I don't see how a lot of people do it. You have this huge outlay of cash and then you still have all the added expense of a child. We got lucky in the way our adoption came about that it will end up being fairly cheap because of the circumstances but otherwise we would have been dipping into our retirement savings to make it happen.Think about the lawyer fees, fingerprints, background checks and adoption agency fees. Then you have to pay for the medical costs associated with the birth and then caring for and housing the child up until they're adopted. The money adds up pretty quick.It's sad to think that it costs over $20k to adopt a child. It should be far less. It's a disgrace for there to be unwanted children in this world that have no prospect of growing up in a loving household.
And this is coming from a guy who's not sure he even wants children at all (genetically related or otherwise).
The questionarres and meetings etc are all so that the social worker can get to know you and and understand you and determine that you are mentally stable and will provide a good loving home for a child. All you need to do is convice the social worker and since people that go into social work are generally people that like to help others you get the benfit of the doubt. just be yourself and dont worry about it. Its not like you mark "No" to teh wrong question and boom you fail and dont get approved. You fill out all of teh info and then the social worker takes it all and writes a detailed report about you and why she approves you. All of teh questions and meeting reports are just data for her to justify her position.Bottom line...If you're a good person the social worker will see it and you have nothing to worry about. BE HONEST (just like youd raise the child to be). For example my wife and I let our social worker know that we had some alcohal related arrests on our record from back in college. Everybody has made mistakes just be yourself and be honest and you'll be fine.Buddy Ball 2K3 said:My wife and I are leaning towards adoption. Fill us in on all the questions they ask, are there anythings that are automatic chance killers? (for example we dont make enough money, I have a split personality etc etc).
Yeah, well, life's not fair. But you can't expect adoption agencies, lawyers, governments, hospitals and orphanages/foster care agencies to do all that work for free. You do get about $12,000 of that back via a tax credit, so that helps.Still doesn't make it right when any pimple faced dork and some slut can have a kid and aren't fit to have cat. Then you have people that can provide a loving home and be good parents and they get raked over the coals. Personally I don't see how a lot of people do it. You have this huge outlay of cash and then you still have all the added expense of a child. We got lucky in the way our adoption came about that it will end up being fairly cheap because of the circumstances but otherwise we would have been dipping into our retirement savings to make it happen.Think about the lawyer fees, fingerprints, background checks and adoption agency fees. Then you have to pay for the medical costs associated with the birth and then caring for and housing the child up until they're adopted. The money adds up pretty quick.It's sad to think that it costs over $20k to adopt a child. It should be far less. It's a disgrace for there to be unwanted children in this world that have no prospect of growing up in a loving household.
And this is coming from a guy who's not sure he even wants children at all (genetically related or otherwise).
My little boy just turned five months and I couldn't be happier. Actually, neither could he - he's the happiest kid I've ever seen. I never thought I could love someone like this - I love my wife and my family, but it's different.Just thought I'd bump this thread since we're seriously thinking of pursuing adoption this year.
Any updates from those who were going through the process?
Tell me about your experience going through the adoption process. What advice would you give someone just getting started?My little boy just turned five months and I couldn't be happier. Actually, neither could he - he's the happiest kid I've ever seen. I never thought I could love someone like this - I love my wife and my family, but it's different.Just thought I'd bump this thread since we're seriously thinking of pursuing adoption this year.
Any updates from those who were going through the process?
If you're worried about bonding, don't worry about it any more than you would with a child of your own. If it's a newborn, they won't know any different so you're their daddy. When they smile at you it's the best ever.
I'm not sure what to cover that hasn't already been discussed in this thread. The experience in general took a year and a half for us, between the time that we went to our first orientation classes (four of them, once a week for a month IIRC) to when we brought our child home. That's pretty standard for a domestic adoption, though we of course brought our baby home on less than 24 hours notice as I indicated in my adoption thread. Make sure you're working with a good agency and/or adoption attorney (we had both, though our particular placement occurred via the attorney, and without the agency's involvement other than doing the home study and orientation).Tell me about your experience going through the adoption process. What advice would you give someone just getting started?My little boy just turned five months and I couldn't be happier. Actually, neither could he - he's the happiest kid I've ever seen. I never thought I could love someone like this - I love my wife and my family, but it's different.Just thought I'd bump this thread since we're seriously thinking of pursuing adoption this year.
Any updates from those who were going through the process?
If you're worried about bonding, don't worry about it any more than you would with a child of your own. If it's a newborn, they won't know any different so you're their daddy. When they smile at you it's the best ever.
This had me laughing out loud this morning. Very cute. Your story was pretty amazing. Any updated pics? Them little buggers grow fast. didn't look at the date. I knew 5 weeks didn't make much sense to me. Still interested in seeing pictures.No kidding. It's five weeks later and I still look at him sometimes wondering how in the hell he ended up in our house. He's awesome though. We love him to death.Hey Redman,
Congrats. Same thing happened to us. We got a call one morning and drove to meet our son an hour later. We didnt have a crib, diaper, bottle or anything. Crazy how life can change in an instant.
A friend of mine (in NJ) "re-adopetd" her daughter who is from the Ukraine. I don't believe it was required, but she did it as a "just-in-case" measureThen when we come back, we have to actually "re-adopt" the child over here. I'm not entirely sure what all that entails yet. I think it varies from state to state. So we'll be figuring that out along the way.
Probably because it is a conscious decision to be responsible for another human life. In addition to the decision to have children, adoption is a significant legal and financial decision as well.Good luck, the right decision will come to you.My wife and I are still praying about adoption. I have to admit that I'm struggling with the decision. And I can't put my finger on exactly why.
The adoption laws of each state are slightly different, and perhaps can be very different on certain points. I'm a California attorney, but my experience with adoption law is limited to my own adoption experience rather than being through my job or my training. I'd suspect that the lawyer in NJ can't get a "contingency fee" for a successful adoption, but rather must bill hourly or via some flat fee structure that has nothing to do with the success or failure of the effort. As for only going with an attorney, that's theoretically fine but generally speaking the more people you have working for you, the better the chance is of getting a successful placement faster. We had both an attorney and a private agency working for us - the attorney ended up being the source of the lead that brought us our son, but it need not have worked that way. We were considering also enlisting the services of an "adoption facilitator", essentially an adoption head hunter to attempts to link up expectant mothers or children up for adoption to prospective adoptive parents. As it happened we got our lead before this occurred, however our attorney was contacted by an adoption facilitator working with the birth mom to give us the lead on our son ironically enough.I was just looking at this thread the other day, because it looks like my wife and I are going the adoption route as well. We'd be doing domestic adoption. From what I understand, in the present day climate, international adoptions are harder than they've been in the past, although that could certainly change. We've met with two local (South Jersey) adoption agencies, and yesterday I just started speaking with several adoption attorneys. I just want to make sure I have my bases covered. If we do this through an agency, it looks like it'll cost us just north of $25K. We can certainly swing it, especially with the assistance that both of our employers provide and the tax credit, but it's still a lot of money. Does anyone have any experience with just going through an attorney? From what I understand, in NJ, it's against the law for an attorney to accept money to help you locate a baby. If you don't go through an agency, what methods are used to help locate a baby/birthmother?
Oh, and congrats to the people who have gone through this tough and emotional process. Your words are inspirational and comforting. And good luck to the people who are currently going through this.
This is true. Guatemala is pretty much shut down at this point until they bring their standards up and the China timeline is at something ridiculous like 3+ years right now.bobg829 said:From what I understand, in the present day climate, international adoptions are harder than they've been in the past, although that could certainly change.
Closer to 5. A bunch of agencies are shutting down their China program because of it.This is true. Guatemala is pretty much shut down at this point until they bring their standards up and the China timeline is at something ridiculous like 3+ years right now.bobg829 said:From what I understand, in the present day climate, international adoptions are harder than they've been in the past, although that could certainly change.
It's a big choice and a big lifestyle change, and of course that applies to having any kids, whether biological or adopted. The nice thing about adoption if you want to look at it this way is that you can back out at any time prior to the finalization of the process. Believe it or not, my wife and I could legally back out right now as only the placement has technically occurred; we're still waiting on the finalization of the legal process that declares us parents of our son. Obviously that's out of the question for us now on other grounds, but I'm just making the point. I had my doubts up to the very day we brought our son home - it's natural. I'd say if you want to have kids, CrossEyed, get into the process and go as long with it as you want to, knowing that you can back out of any particular lead, or out of the process entirely, should you desire to do so. Obviously it's important to make the right decision for yourself.Prussian said:Probably because it is a conscious decision to be responsible for another human life. In addition to the decision to have children, adoption is a significant legal and financial decision as well.Good luck, the right decision will come to you.My wife and I are still praying about adoption. I have to admit that I'm struggling with the decision. And I can't put my finger on exactly why.
I think birth moms put kids up for adoption for a variety of reasons, not all of them noble, but the bottom line is that the child should be raised knowing that they're adopted and that "adopted" is not a bad word at all. We certainly dealt with a birth mom who fit your description regarding nobility and sacrifices though, and we have a tremendous amount of respect for her.I am adopted. (I met my birth-mother when I was 29 and we are friends.)I am Godfather to an adopted child and have shared with friends who adopted regarding what the child might be thinking or go through when they "realize" what adoption means in their own life. It is different for everyone and I am no psycologist. But, I think it helped to have insight.Anyone who is considering adoption or has adopted children should always be looking for insight in to their child's feelings. One of the best things my parents ever told me was that I was "chosen", so I had to be loved. But, they also explained how my birth-mother must have loved me too in order to make such a sacrafice.This thread shouldn't over look that fact. There is often a woman out there with incredible courage, willing to make multiple sacrafices and possibly even endure a degree of shame, who "gave up" a child for adoption and "a better life". Considering how available and "easy" abortion is now days, the respect I have for them expands exponentially. I didn't comment on this aspect in another thread where the individual is "worried" about a pregnancy "scare". Children are blessings, not mistakes. We can talk about FBG hotties, checking menus, shark moves, etceteras ... but we must always remain accountable.To those involved in adoptions ... a toast ... God bless you.
Ours as well.I think birth moms put kids up for adoption for a variety of reasons, not all of them noble, but the bottom line is that the child should be raised knowing that they're adopted and that "adopted" is not a bad word at all. We certainly dealt with a birth mom who fit your description regarding nobility and sacrifices though, and we have a tremendous amount of respect for her.I am adopted. (I met my birth-mother when I was 29 and we are friends.)
I am Godfather to an adopted child and have shared with friends who adopted regarding what the child might be thinking or go through when they "realize" what adoption means in their own life. It is different for everyone and I am no psycologist. But, I think it helped to have insight.
Anyone who is considering adoption or has adopted children should always be looking for insight in to their child's feelings. One of the best things my parents ever told me was that I was "chosen", so I had to be loved. But, they also explained how my birth-mother must have loved me too in order to make such a sacrafice.
This thread shouldn't over look that fact. There is often a woman out there with incredible courage, willing to make multiple sacrafices and possibly even endure a degree of shame, who "gave up" a child for adoption and "a better life". Considering how available and "easy" abortion is now days, the respect I have for them expands exponentially.
I didn't comment on this aspect in another thread where the individual is "worried" about a pregnancy "scare". Children are blessings, not mistakes. We can talk about FBG hotties, checking menus, shark moves, etceteras ... but we must always remain accountable.
To those involved in adoptions ... a toast ... God bless you.
Guatemala is mostly back up and running now. Adoptions are still being processed under old law, and they've passed their new laws which make them Hague compliant going forward.This is true. Guatemala is pretty much shut down at this point until they bring their standards up and the China timeline is at something ridiculous like 3+ years right now.bobg829 said:From what I understand, in the present day climate, international adoptions are harder than they've been in the past, although that could certainly change.
Wow, I knew that China put in a lot of restrictions recently, but I didn't realize that it caused that much of a delay. Glad that we realized ahead of time that it was possible that we'd be disqualified from their program anyway. It's looking more and more like we made the right choice in going with Taiwan. International adoption is fairly new for them and the process is pretty streamlined. Not a whole lot of red tape involved. From our research, Taiwan was one of the shortest adoption processes.Domestically, a lot of the process just depends on what child you're willing to take. We have friends with 2 kids that are choosing to adopt through the child welfare services in NJ. They are open to receiving a kid up to 6 years old of any race. They started the process about 6 weeks ago and could end up with a kid as soon as a month from now.bobg, not sure who all you've looked at as far as adoption agencies are concerned, but we are also in South Jersey. Our adoption agency is actually in California but we needed to have a home study done. Our agency recommended Adoptions From the Heart so that's who we used for our homestudy. They were very nice people and made it a very easy process. Obviously I can't comment on them regarding the rest of the process, but they were good to work with for the homestudy and at least good enough that another adoption agency recommended them. Although, they're "open" adoption program would not be my preference.Closer to 5. A bunch of agencies are shutting down their China program because of it.This is true. Guatemala is pretty much shut down at this point until they bring their standards up and the China timeline is at something ridiculous like 3+ years right now.bobg829 said:From what I understand, in the present day climate, international adoptions are harder than they've been in the past, although that could certainly change.
For those others out there looking into adoption, it's not for everyone, but don't be "scared" of open adoption. There are lots of benefits to it.Although, they're "open" adoption program would not be my preference.
Grove: We met with Adoptions From the Heart and Golden Cradle. I'm curious what made you pick an agency in Cali if you'd choose to share.bobg, not sure who all you've looked at as far as adoption agencies are concerned, but we are also in South Jersey. Our adoption agency is actually in California but we needed to have a home study done. Our agency recommended Adoptions From the Heart so that's who we used for our homestudy. They were very nice people and made it a very easy process. Obviously I can't comment on them regarding the rest of the process, but they were good to work with for the homestudy and at least good enough that another adoption agency recommended them. Although, they're "open" adoption program would not be my preference.
Agreed. I'm not looking for a new best friend or co-mother situation with the birth mom, but the truth is that most birth moms are giving the child up for adoption because their life situation is such that they can't raise a child, and they therefore are mostly trying to "move on" after doing the right thing. Our birth mom only wants some pictures emailed every six months, and even that's through her adoption facilitator so she won't have our contact information. You will be able to work out those boundaries with the birth mom as you go. Our counseling indicated that most open adoption birth moms sort of drift away relatively quickly after the placement just because they're moving on with their lives. The advantage to open adoption is that you have far more insight into the birth mom's lifestyle, as well as her family medical history, so you have some useful background information. From speaking with our birth mom, we know that our son is likely to be over 6' tall, and that we'll need to watch out for Type 2 diabetes which has been common in her family.For those others out there looking into adoption, it's not for everyone, but don't be "scared" of open adoption. There are lots of benefits to it.Although, they're "open" adoption program would not be my preference.
Believe me, I'm not criticizing you or pissing on your post. But this comment did bring up an interesting point that I thought I'd share. My wife and I adopted our son a couple of years ago and went through the whole international process.Anyway, I just think you have to be careful heaping praise on people who choose to adopt. I know what you're trying to say, and again, I don't disagree with your sentiment, but when people praise others for adopting it starts to head down the slippery slope of praising them for "saving some child."Maybe in your brother's case, that's exactly what happened. I'm not disputing that or saying that adoption isn't good. But the unintended side effect of those types of comments can put undue pressure on some children who are adopted because they then feel like they have to "live up to" that great thing their parents did by adopting them. If they're told by people how lucky they are to have been adopted and removed from a supposedly bad situation, for instance, that can have negative side effects too.I think the thing that needs to be focused on is how lucky we parents are that decided to adopt and that the option is out there for us. That's my only point. I don't think people who decide to adopt are any "better" than people who choose to have a biological child.Anyway, that is my story. People who adopt are seriously fantastic. Kudos to all of you.
I'm sure that there are. I could definitely see how some of it would be beneficial. But for me, even one story of a birth parent suing and successfully getting their child back months or years later is one story too many. I'm not going to be too worried about a Taiwanese lady going to the orphanage, finding out where her kid ended up, and trying to get the child back from me in the U.S.We adopted a dog last March. They told us that the dog was perfectly healthy and house trained. It was immediately apparent that she wasn't house trained in the least and that she has some problems with her legs. But once we had her, there was no way we were giving her up. It would be about a million times harder to be forced into giving my child back to a birth parent. I don't care if the chance would only be 1 in 500,000 that it would happen, it'd still be too much. That's one of the reasons that we chose to go international. Because there's no question that the chances of that happening are zero.For those others out there looking into adoption, it's not for everyone, but don't be "scared" of open adoption. There are lots of benefits to it.Although, they're "open" adoption program would not be my preference.