Interesting question. First thing that comes to mind is my son's inordinate amount of tattoos. I used to be judgmental about them, and wouldn't bother to ask what was behind the latest and greatest ink. While I still don't love it, I appreciate that it makes him happy and show an interest in the stuff he's had done. If he asked me to go to a tattoo parlor, I'd happily go.How does this work in your life? Do you have something analogous where you are accepting and compassionate towards someone or a particular group even though you hold to a belief that what they did was wrong? Or do you require that you alter your judgments in order to accept them?
Let me just add that I'm not comparing tattoos to being gay or trans. Just trying to relate the mental process like you asked.