ghostguy123
Footballguy
Seriously, we are on to something here with this.
Somebody please make this happen.
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horror stories of greed after a family member dies (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Deranged Hermit
- Start date
Somebody please make this happen.
Tennessee_ATO
Footballguy
Just let her keep giving it to the grandkids. As long as you and your brother are in agreement that it's not actually a real gift, what's the harm? Just collect it and put it back where she got it from. We let my mom give the kids and grandkids the same stuff over and over and over again. It made her happy when she did it, which was basically all we cared about.
mlball77
Footballguy
I have only a little experience with these matters, and they sure can get ugly. Seems like most families have at least one person that tries to "get" as much out of it as they can. If other family members pushback, then it can escalate quickly.
My grandmother recently turned 90 years old, and she has spent the last 10 years giving away things that might have sentimental value to family members. I like that approach. She likely won't have much left of her estate when she passes (she sold her house many years ago), so I hope my dad and his siblings don't get petty over anything.
My grandmother recently turned 90 years old, and she has spent the last 10 years giving away things that might have sentimental value to family members. I like that approach. She likely won't have much left of her estate when she passes (she sold her house many years ago), so I hope my dad and his siblings don't get petty over anything.
Yankee23Fan
Fair Tax!
Oh the stories I could tell.
mr roboto
Footballguy
Yankee23Fan
Fair Tax!
How about an estate where 3 brothers and a sister all get an equal share, but the guys hate their sister who they find out has cancer so they put up every roadblock possible for 2 years to get her to die so that they get her share?
comfortably numb
Footballguy
I'm leaving all my loot to the Footballguys.com Search Function fund
Gawain
Footballguy
Did the sister deserve it?How about an estate where 3 brothers and a sister all get an equal share, but the guys hate their sister who they find out has cancer so they put up every roadblock possible for 2 years to get her to die so that they get her share?
comfortably numb
Footballguy
I can see where these things get so tacky.
Take a few siblings with a inheritance and once the value dispensed starts to become known people start comparing fairness with their share.
Whether one sibling always was dependent on a parent or another sibling was a care taker for an extended amount of time or dad paid for schooling. Once child was arrested 4 times and cost the parents 40k while the other sibling is living great after starting his own business.
So tacky but not surprising.
It's not always the money/value but rather the principle that people feel so and so should get X amount because of X reason
sbonomo
Footballguy
wow...any back story without being too specific (if notebook serves me right you are an attorney)How about an estate where 3 brothers and a sister all get an equal share, but the guys hate their sister who they find out has cancer so they put up every roadblock possible for 2 years to get her to die so that they get her share?
Godsbrother
Footballguy
We had issues when my wife's parents passed away. Lots of hard feelings with the biggest whiner getting the bulk of the property. In order to keep peace in the family the wife and other siblings just let it go.
Yankee23Fan
Fair Tax!
Sweetest person you will ever meet who did everything right and never had a bad word to say about anyone.Did the sister deserve it?How about an estate where 3 brothers and a sister all get an equal share, but the guys hate their sister who they find out has cancer so they put up every roadblock possible for 2 years to get her to die so that they get her share?
Gawain
Footballguy
Ugh, that sucks.Sweetest person you will ever meet who did everything right and never had a bad word to say about anyone.Did the sister deserve it?How about an estate where 3 brothers and a sister all get an equal share, but the guys hate their sister who they find out has cancer so they put up every roadblock possible for 2 years to get her to die so that they get her share?
Did she at least fight to get her portion of the decedent's estate included into her estate?
Yankee23Fan
Fair Tax!
Sister was named executor of mom's estate. Small estate. Less than 250K. Bulk of estate was in one account that took a long time to liquidate because of some issues that were correctible and no one's fault. She told me she had cancer and needed to get everything done before she died so that her share could go to her kid and not be an issue. It shouldn't have been an issue. Except the brothers hated her and when they found out they filed every motion and complaint imaginable and admitted that the only reason they were doing it was that she could die before the distribution. They had just enough cover in the law to file their nonsense that it wasn't frivolous. They got their wish and she died a week before one of the hearings. The same day she died they filed another application to take her place as executor. They wanted her share as well and didn't care about the kid. That went to mediation and to stop the bleeding on attorney fees and costs and everything else the kid had to end up getting about 50% of his mom's share just to settle and be done. They got what they wanted. More money and a dead sister. The kid just wanted him mom. The mediation was two weeks after her death.wow...any back story without being too specific (if notebook serves me right you are an attorney)How about an estate where 3 brothers and a sister all get an equal share, but the guys hate their sister who they find out has cancer so they put up every roadblock possible for 2 years to get her to die so that they get her share?
I waived all my fees that were still due after the fact. I hate people. I hate people who fight over their parents money. I hate these 3 specific people with the firey passion of a thousand suns. I heard one got arrested a few years later for something or other. Real solid citizens all of them.
mlball77
Footballguy
You make a great point. And it is really hard for people to back down on what they see as a matter of principle... but in the end, it usually doesn't matter all that much, particularly in terms of dollars (well, I guess it could if your family member is very well off). Family relationships can be damaged over amounts of money that often times won't even substantially improve the quality of life for those in the middle of the dispute. "Fair" is so tough to quantify.
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pantherclub
Footballguy
In my very limited interaction in this type of stuff, the bolded seems to be the gameplan for most of these people. Just act and behave like a general a hole and just wear down all parties involved to the point where one side just says "eff it, just take it I dont care at this point".
Sweet J
Footballguy
You're a good egg. You have that, at least.Sister was named executor of mom's estate. Small estate. Less than 250K. Bulk of estate was in one account that took a long time to liquidate because of some issues that were correctible and no one's fault. She told me she had cancer and needed to get everything done before she died so that her share could go to her kid and not be an issue. It shouldn't have been an issue. Except the brothers hated her and when they found out they filed every motion and complaint imaginable and admitted that the only reason they were doing it was that she could die before the distribution. They had just enough cover in the law to file their nonsense that it wasn't frivolous. They got their wish and she died a week before one of the hearings. The same day she died they filed another application to take her place as executor. They wanted her share as well and didn't care about the kid. That went to mediation and to stop the bleeding on attorney fees and costs and everything else the kid had to end up getting about 50% of his mom's share just to settle and be done. They got what they wanted. More money and a dead sister. The kid just wanted him mom. The mediation was two weeks after her death.wow...any back story without being too specific (if notebook serves me right you are an attorney)How about an estate where 3 brothers and a sister all get an equal share, but the guys hate their sister who they find out has cancer so they put up every roadblock possible for 2 years to get her to die so that they get her share?
I waived all my fees that were still due after the fact. I hate people. I hate people who fight over their parents money. I hate these 3 specific people with the firey passion of a thousand suns. I heard one got arrested a few years later for something or other. Real solid citizens all of them.
Billy Bats
Footballguy
I'm already saying it and it hasn't even happened yet. I just know it will and will hand it over without an argument. I don't care. I'll have lost a parent and my ###### sibling is #####ing about dollars? Take it brother.pantherclub
Footballguy
Point taken, but its not just the #####ing. Its the total package, the crazy emails, the weird facebook posts, the voicemails, the off the wall accusations about being a thief etc. Roll it all together and you get to the point where its like you are basically paying that person to get the hell out of your life. My wife and her brother have totally and completely severed all ties with their bat #### crazy sister. In the process they have also alienated the mother and probably lost out on a nice chunk of change but my wife doesnt care. Its quite insane. They found out last week that the sister called up an aunt randomly and was accusing her of being in the "scheme". The aunt had no idea what she was talking about and then called my wife later and told her how deranged the sister sounded. The crazy part is that this all came out of left field, little to no build up at all.
phatdawg
Footballguy
This is one of the most repugnant stories I have heard. There is a special place in hell for the three brothers.Sister was named executor of mom's estate. Small estate. Less than 250K. Bulk of estate was in one account that took a long time to liquidate because of some issues that were correctible and no one's fault. She told me she had cancer and needed to get everything done before she died so that her share could go to her kid and not be an issue. It shouldn't have been an issue. Except the brothers hated her and when they found out they filed every motion and complaint imaginable and admitted that the only reason they were doing it was that she could die before the distribution. They had just enough cover in the law to file their nonsense that it wasn't frivolous. They got their wish and she died a week before one of the hearings. The same day she died they filed another application to take her place as executor. They wanted her share as well and didn't care about the kid. That went to mediation and to stop the bleeding on attorney fees and costs and everything else the kid had to end up getting about 50% of his mom's share just to settle and be done. They got what they wanted. More money and a dead sister. The kid just wanted him mom. The mediation was two weeks after her death.wow...any back story without being too specific (if notebook serves me right you are an attorney)How about an estate where 3 brothers and a sister all get an equal share, but the guys hate their sister who they find out has cancer so they put up every roadblock possible for 2 years to get her to die so that they get her share?
I waived all my fees that were still due after the fact. I hate people. I hate people who fight over their parents money. I hate these 3 specific people with the firey passion of a thousand suns. I heard one got arrested a few years later for something or other. Real solid citizens all of them.
Billy Bats
Footballguy
Oh yeah, and that's exactly the nonsense I want to avoid. A shame that your wife's relationship with her mom is now strained because of an ####### sibling. That angers me and it is something i could see my brother doing. Amazing and sad the true colors that shine when $ are on the line. The first word uttered about unfair division of assets and I'm signing it all over. If assets are more important than the loss of our parent, then take everything that was left to me, because I'll wind up killing you for breaking my balls non stop about it going forward, it ain't worth it for me.Point taken, but its not just the #####ing. Its the total package, the crazy emails, the weird facebook posts, the voicemails, the off the wall accusations about being a thief etc. Roll it all together and you get to the point where its like you are basically paying that person to get the hell out of your life. My wife and her brother have totally and completely severed all ties with their bat #### crazy sister. In the process they have also alienated the mother and probably lost out on a nice chunk of change but my wife doesnt care. Its quite insane. They found out last week that the sister called up an aunt randomly and was accusing her of being in the "scheme". The aunt had no idea what she was talking about and then called my wife later and told her how deranged the sister sounded. The crazy part is that this all came out of left field, little to no build up at all.
jabarony
Footballguy
My father passed recently and it's pretty much the opposite of this thread. Anything of value (monetaty) has pretty much been going "you want this? I don't. ) and sentimental stuff is "I would like this" " no problem". What the heck goes through people's minds to battle over a dead relative's things? I don't care if my siblings and I didn't get along. Why get all stressed about a few thousand dollars.?
sbonomo
Footballguy
i am absolutely speechless.....Sister was named executor of mom's estate. Small estate. Less than 250K. Bulk of estate was in one account that took a long time to liquidate because of some issues that were correctible and no one's fault. She told me she had cancer and needed to get everything done before she died so that her share could go to her kid and not be an issue. It shouldn't have been an issue. Except the brothers hated her and when they found out they filed every motion and complaint imaginable and admitted that the only reason they were doing it was that she could die before the distribution. They had just enough cover in the law to file their nonsense that it wasn't frivolous. They got their wish and she died a week before one of the hearings. The same day she died they filed another application to take her place as executor. They wanted her share as well and didn't care about the kid. That went to mediation and to stop the bleeding on attorney fees and costs and everything else the kid had to end up getting about 50% of his mom's share just to settle and be done. They got what they wanted. More money and a dead sister. The kid just wanted him mom. The mediation was two weeks after her death.wow...any back story without being too specific (if notebook serves me right you are an attorney)How about an estate where 3 brothers and a sister all get an equal share, but the guys hate their sister who they find out has cancer so they put up every roadblock possible for 2 years to get her to die so that they get her share?
I waived all my fees that were still due after the fact. I hate people. I hate people who fight over their parents money. I hate these 3 specific people with the firey passion of a thousand suns. I heard one got arrested a few years later for something or other. Real solid citizens all of them.
glumpy
breeze
ghostguy123
Footballguy
I think a lot of times the spouses and other people (uncles, cousins, kids of kids) all make things hellish for the people who shoudl inherit the money, and cause them to think they are entitled to more, and then chaos ensues.
Yankee23Fan
Fair Tax!
Yeah, I have so so many more that I couldn't possible spend all the time writing. But think of some of the horror stories you've heard of and I've probably dealt with it. Like the guy that called me from the funeral because he wanted to challenge the will; or the women who called from the hospital immediately after mom coded to do the same.
How about the one where the cousin of the dead guy stole his car the day he died (as in got the call he died, drove over to house after the police removed the body, broke in and stole the car) and then claimed that he did it because he knew the guy wanted him to have it. OR the estate where the guy's best friends left the funeral and went straight to his house to start taking stuff because no one had found a will yet so they thought that meant they could just take stuff.
It goes on and on and on......
How about the one where the cousin of the dead guy stole his car the day he died (as in got the call he died, drove over to house after the police removed the body, broke in and stole the car) and then claimed that he did it because he knew the guy wanted him to have it. OR the estate where the guy's best friends left the funeral and went straight to his house to start taking stuff because no one had found a will yet so they thought that meant they could just take stuff.
It goes on and on and on......
Billy Bats
Footballguy
JFC. I've heard of in-laws' families raiding a house, but "best" friends?! Let's go fellas, I want his 60inch flat screen, #### that Joe you can have it I want his stash of coke.
KCitons
Footballguy
It seems simple enough. But, in a lot of these cased, the death of a parent is just the trigger that starts the ball rolling. Often times, family members get along for years because a parent is still alive.
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
ghostguy123
Footballguy
belljr
Footballguy
old lenox plates, crappy furniture ...just dumb ####
ChiefD
Footballguy
Because 40 years ago sister A took a boyfriend from sister B, and mom told sister B:
"It's only a boy. There will be other boys."
And sister A carries that for 40 years. Burning into her soul, her every thought, her every being...until it finally manifests itself when mom ain't there to defend sister A.
And that's the reason for all these stories. Just insert toy, car, food, love, attention where boyfriend is in the first sentence.
The Big Guy
Fear the Blitz
We should have a separate version of this thread for the children who bleed their parents dry while they are alive and then want an equal share after they pass away. I had a 100+ year old taking money out of her cd (with penalty) to help her 60+year old son with his business troubles. I can't imagine ever running to my mommy when I was over 60 years of age for money.
The Ref
Footballguy
And Id like to think that's where most of the issues come up if it's not spelled out in a will. If I'm a good son with my S together and I have a deadbeat brother who has taken 100K plus from my parents Id be a little pissed if we had to split the inheritance 50/50. At the same time if I find out my brother were to get a higher percentage then I did "just because" Id also be upset. Then you have the situations where one brother moves away and is nowhere to be found late in life and the other one is shoveling out the driveway in February and taking days off to take them to to doctors visits....
It's easy to see why there are heated arguments.
comfortably numb
Footballguy
Exactly.
This is why I really try to do things in life without keeping score.
I don't want to ever feel I am owed anything.
Michael Brown
Footballguy
I definitely wasn't saying it was worth breaking up a family over, just that three quarters of a million bucks in 2015 is a huge amount that's all.
KCitons
Footballguy
My wife, two other siblings were named as the heirs in her grandmothers trust due to my wife's father passing away the year prior. Since my wife was the executor of her Dads estate, and he was the trustee of his parents trust, we had all the paperwork for awhile. At some point before her grandfather past away 15 years ago, he hand wrote a note stating that his daughter had taken a lot of money from his wife over the years. He even went so far as to document how much he estimated she had been given. He requested that the amount be extrapolated out for the remainder of the grandmothers life and remove that amount from her portion of the settlement. The trust already stated if the daughter passed before the grandparents, the inheritance was not to pass to her husband or children (unlike it did for my wife and her siblings). She was the only one of the three kids that had that stipulation. He gave the note to the lawyer handling the estate and it came into question during settlement. The grandchildren all abstained from voting, and left the final decision to their Uncle. He let her have the full portion.
Of all my inlaws, her grandpa is the guy I miss talking to the most.
Tennessee_ATO
Footballguy
I'm with you. The closest thing to an issue for any of us after mom died was an antique wash stand and cedar chest. Mom bought the wash stand at a yard sale and she, my middle brother, and I restored it back when I was a teenager. I really wanted it. It's "ended up" at my brother's house along with a cedar chest my mom's dad made in shop class in high school.
I really woulda liked to have one of those things for purely sentimental reasons. I'm sure he feels the same. F it though. Gotta be somewhere that one of us won't like. He'll take care of it and his kids will too.
Sand
Footballguy
pantherclub
Footballguy
Semi random update on the craziness.
Last night my wife gets a random text from her mom around 5pm. Says "got your message, you are welcome for the presents". Thats it, exact text. So my wife decides to call her to see what the deal is. So she calls and instantly her mom accuses her of calling and hanging up and hacking into her computer to read her emails. I wish I was joking about this, I really do but this is just a taste of the insanity. Her sister calls around 10pm and it starts off cordial at first then degrades into her telling my wife she is unappreciative (about what who the hell knows), doesnt call or visit the mom enough and just other random things. My wife God bless her kept her cool and when she hung up just said "XXXXX needs help, like real therapy or something"
Its just absolute craziness that all came about 6 months ago with little to no warning.
Last night my wife gets a random text from her mom around 5pm. Says "got your message, you are welcome for the presents". Thats it, exact text. So my wife decides to call her to see what the deal is. So she calls and instantly her mom accuses her of calling and hanging up and hacking into her computer to read her emails. I wish I was joking about this, I really do but this is just a taste of the insanity. Her sister calls around 10pm and it starts off cordial at first then degrades into her telling my wife she is unappreciative (about what who the hell knows), doesnt call or visit the mom enough and just other random things. My wife God bless her kept her cool and when she hung up just said "XXXXX needs help, like real therapy or something"
Its just absolute craziness that all came about 6 months ago with little to no warning.
lombardi
Footballguy
I think my crazy family may have this all beat.
Nanna is in her 80's and has 7 kids, 2 are adopted (one of which is my mom). Mom has been doing here bills and financials for as long as I was alive. Every week when I was a kid we walked or took a bus to her house so mom could write checks, do the bills, take care of the house. She was the second youngest, youngest was also adopted. The eldest, my CRAZY aunt, has spent years bleeding my Nanna dry because of her alcoholism and overall greed. Stuff from house disappears, huge checks cashed that nobody knew about, all kinds of stuff. She had to sell 2 of her 5 houses because of financial mess the eldest put her in.
So Nanna gets sick for a while, things are looking really bad. She and mom have gone over the will a couple times through the years and it's always been the same. "All of my kids are my kids, adopted or naturally born, split everything equally 7 ways". Was that way for decades and even close to the end they went over it again because there was some specific things she wanted some other people outside of family to have. This is before she got really bad.
Now she is lying in bed and basically unable to communicate. She is dying, everyone is coming to visit, she can't speak, it's the end. Nan dies, it was expected, sad but not tragic, no more pain, etc..
Fast forward to reading of the will.
Everyone knows the deal, it's basically a formality. Lawyer starts reading the will.
Eldest gets like 60% of everything. Then it went down form there. 10% to next, a few 5%, last daughter (the one the eldest always hated) gets nothing.
Will tells EVERYONE except the eldest they were ALL adopted. Nobody but my mom and her younger sister knew, Nan didn't want anyone to know.
Everyone is shocked, they look at the will and the signature is chicken scratched, not really her signature, dated after Nan was already uncommunicative.
Basically crazy aunt had a new will written, according to what she wanted, and then went in and held her hand to sign it. Lawyer was family friend for years and years, but always really sleezy and close with crazy aunt.
Gets even worse.
While the will is being read the house is being emptied by an appraiser. TONS of old antiques and jewelery and who KNOWS what else stuffed in the nooks crannies and mattresses. They get back to house a couple days later and it's cleaned out. Crazy aunt says "don't worry, you'll get your share".
So they start talking about lawyers and the "patriarch" of our family, Nan's very elderly brother tells everyone to leave it alone. Another lawyer says the defense for my aunt will come out of the estate and by the time it's all over so much in fees comes out that it's barely worth it.
Houses all get dumped cheap, everything disappears, everyone ends up with barely anything except the aunt.
She dies less than a year later, her son refuses to admit his mom did anything wrong and although he and my mom were best friends their whole lives they stop speaking.
Entire family doesn't speak to each other, noly after a couple funerals last year, 20 years later, are things finally thawing a little bit.
Unbelievable greed.
Nanna is in her 80's and has 7 kids, 2 are adopted (one of which is my mom). Mom has been doing here bills and financials for as long as I was alive. Every week when I was a kid we walked or took a bus to her house so mom could write checks, do the bills, take care of the house. She was the second youngest, youngest was also adopted. The eldest, my CRAZY aunt, has spent years bleeding my Nanna dry because of her alcoholism and overall greed. Stuff from house disappears, huge checks cashed that nobody knew about, all kinds of stuff. She had to sell 2 of her 5 houses because of financial mess the eldest put her in.
So Nanna gets sick for a while, things are looking really bad. She and mom have gone over the will a couple times through the years and it's always been the same. "All of my kids are my kids, adopted or naturally born, split everything equally 7 ways". Was that way for decades and even close to the end they went over it again because there was some specific things she wanted some other people outside of family to have. This is before she got really bad.
Now she is lying in bed and basically unable to communicate. She is dying, everyone is coming to visit, she can't speak, it's the end. Nan dies, it was expected, sad but not tragic, no more pain, etc..
Fast forward to reading of the will.
Everyone knows the deal, it's basically a formality. Lawyer starts reading the will.
Eldest gets like 60% of everything. Then it went down form there. 10% to next, a few 5%, last daughter (the one the eldest always hated) gets nothing.
Will tells EVERYONE except the eldest they were ALL adopted. Nobody but my mom and her younger sister knew, Nan didn't want anyone to know.
Everyone is shocked, they look at the will and the signature is chicken scratched, not really her signature, dated after Nan was already uncommunicative.
Basically crazy aunt had a new will written, according to what she wanted, and then went in and held her hand to sign it. Lawyer was family friend for years and years, but always really sleezy and close with crazy aunt.
Gets even worse.
While the will is being read the house is being emptied by an appraiser. TONS of old antiques and jewelery and who KNOWS what else stuffed in the nooks crannies and mattresses. They get back to house a couple days later and it's cleaned out. Crazy aunt says "don't worry, you'll get your share".
So they start talking about lawyers and the "patriarch" of our family, Nan's very elderly brother tells everyone to leave it alone. Another lawyer says the defense for my aunt will come out of the estate and by the time it's all over so much in fees comes out that it's barely worth it.
Houses all get dumped cheap, everything disappears, everyone ends up with barely anything except the aunt.
She dies less than a year later, her son refuses to admit his mom did anything wrong and although he and my mom were best friends their whole lives they stop speaking.
Entire family doesn't speak to each other, noly after a couple funerals last year, 20 years later, are things finally thawing a little bit.
Unbelievable greed.
pantherclub
Footballguy
/\ damn
just damn
just damn
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
You might want to remember that no one reports, "We read the will, and everything went well." You only hear the crap.
Yankee23Fan
Fair Tax!
I had one where the family came to me because the will left them all equal shares - not a ton less than 50 grand each - and their mom who had passed devoted her life to one charity and they all collectively thought that the best use of the money was to give it to the charity and not take anything.
I had an executor come to me once because she was fairly wealthy and her sibling was going through tough times and wanted to do all the paperwork to renounce her share and give it all to her sibling.
I can probably think of maybe 3 more. But you are right. Although, to be fair, when an attorney is involved it means that it's either a very complicated estate or someone is fighting.
Spin
Footballguy
Side question: Do you feel like if one sibling spends the last years taking care of the parent, (in my mom's case it's Alzheimer's that requires 2-3 visits to my grandpa's house, driving to/from all doctors appointments, making sure he takes his meds, does his laundry, brings him foods, etc etc etc) that they are therefor entitled to a greater share then the other siblings?
Yankee23Fan
Fair Tax!
There is caselaw that says its a possibility.
There is also basic humanity that says you care for your parents because it's the right thing to do and not because you are keeping an accounting of every toll booth you went through to do it(I've had too).
ghostguy123
Footballguy
Entitled to? No
Should get more?? Yes
Should get blessing from all others to get more? yes
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