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Kind of scared (1 Viewer)

Energy is precious; put it toward things that get you where you want to be. There will be a time for regrets, like smoking, but not now. Will be thinking of you dude. You got this.

 
What Cheezy said. Mental strength is what will pull you guys through. Lean on each other and remember to work together and tag team the hell of this. 

 
ChiefD said:
I had a good friend of mine who was in the Army and served in Vietnam. He also contracted hep c - more than likely the way you did.  He also started smoking at that time. We talked about that from time to time. 

And during those times, smoking was certainly a more accepted part of society. Especially being in the military - it was a comfort of home. It was something a lot of guys in his platoon did. Something they could do to ease their own personal tension during those times. They had no idea that it was bad for them - heck, nobody did.

I suspect a lot of army platoons go through this. And choosing to smoke may or may not have been a choice for you. Maybe it just was. And now we all know the addictive properties of it.

It's easy to blame yourself NOW, because now you know the harmful effects of it. But when you started, I'm sure it was something guys just did.

You simply cannot beat yourself over this. Otherwise you could beat yourself up over a thousand other decisions that may have put you in peril over your lifetime.

But the one thing you can control now is YOU. You have a great heart - that comes out loud and clear in your initial post where all you care about is your wife and daughter.  That is a ton of strength my friend.  Take that positive, protective feeling and apply it to yourself. You deserve that - you've earned it.

You are a good man.
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Thanks man appreciate that. Yea it was always smoke em if you got em everytime we were hurry up and waiting. I mean we use to get cigarettes in our c-rations.

 
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My youngest daughter set up some kind of portal thing for me so I can go onto the computer and read reports and tests Docs have done. Think I'm going to hold off on that till I see doc. Ignorance is bliss right now until I can speak with Doc and get facts on tests and what exactly is going on.

 
ChiefD said:
I would also say it's ok to be scared. And it's ok to tell your wife you are scared.

See your doctor, get the facts, and fight this thing. Which, judging by how you have always represented yourself here - you will.   You're a strong dude - you got this. 
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Positive thoughts your way, Rusty.  Couldn't have said it better than this post, so I just quoted this.  I just also wanted to add that you can count on this community for support and a place to vent.  

 
rustycolts said:
My youngest daughter set up some kind of portal thing for me so I can go onto the computer and read reports and tests Docs have done. Think I'm going to hold off on that till I see doc. Ignorance is bliss right now until I can speak with Doc and get facts on tests and what exactly is going on.
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Probably wouldn’t make a whole lotta sense now until you get a handle on the lingo, which unfortunately you will.  At least I did.  Although I have a cousin who is an MD so she helped me with the jargon early on.

Try to remember that this is just something you have and try not to let it take over your life.  The mind set that you will beat this will go along way!!

Stay strong, fight the fight and keep the faith.  

 
Good luck Rusty. ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with being scared. I'd be terrified. That said, treatment options for C have come a loooong way, and like you said... it's absolutely not a death sentence. 

Best wishes for your meeting with the doc, and hopefully there is a reasonable treatment protocol in your future. Thinking of you guys. 

 
Sending positive thoughts my man!  You'll beat this :boxing:

As difficult as it is, and I know you don't want to hurt your wife but I feel you need to tell her.  She's going to find out at some point and it will be much easier for you both if you just confront it now so you can get through it together.  My  :2cents:  even though you never asked for it.  All the best regardless!

 
My grandma got diagnosed with terminal cancer at age 40 and given a year to live.  She retired early and spent the year traveling to places she always wanted to go.  She went back to the doctor and was given a year to live again, so she traveled some more... she continued doing this and continued to get the same diagnosis until she finally died at 74... and the last 34 years of her life was spent doing everything she wanted to do.  She had an awesome life.

My grandpa got to pay for it all, so less cool for him, I guess... but that diagnosis was one of the best things that ever happened to my grandma.  You never know how these things will play out... I'm hoping for the best for you.

 
simsarge said:
What Cheezy said. Mental strength is what will pull you guys through. Lean on each other and remember to work together and tag team the hell of this. 
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Aren't you a cancer beater yourself?  

 
Praying for a great recovery, Rusty. Stay positive and don’t beat yourself up. Lean on your wife and friends (including us).  You got this 

 
Positive thoughts and energy your way.  It's ok to be scared, but it's necessary to lean on those who love you, and to be honest with and listen to the medical professionals and work together to find the best way to beat this.  

 
Damn dude, sorry to hear.  But you can beat this.  

And absolutely talk to your wife, talk to us, talk to whoever you need to to help you get through this.

 
Sorry to hear about your situation Rusty.  It is natural to experience fear with some of the issues that lay before you.  You got this.  Stay positive.  I know you said you are worried about your wife and daughter...also natural, but remember they are strong.  Your wife took on cancer already.  Let her be a source of strength and support for you, just as you were for her.  Wishing you the best.

 
I didn't see this until now. Prayers and wishes sent your way, man. Definitely be in touch with a doctor, follow the program, and see if you can't do this.

Best of luck, rustycolts.

 
Sorry to hear this. Been there done that. There are tons of support groups out there. Keeping it from a loved one seems the best way to go as you spare them the immediate feelings you are having, but believe me you are prolonging the inevitable. They are your partner for life for a reason. They are there for you. Wishing you all the best.

 
Good luck and I hope your doctor gives you the info you want to hear and helps you. We'll be here if and when you need us. You got a whole board of people willing and happy to help however they can. 

 
rustycolts said:
Hey guys I have been coming here for dang near 20 years. I haven't posted a whole lot but really enjoyed reading the forums. I feel like I really know some of the posters here even though we may not have interacted at all. I really kind of need a place to talk right now. My wife bless her heart is not really the one I want to express some of these things with she is just too emotional. Plus she is just recently fighting breast cancer herself.

The past few weeks I have had a foreboding feeling like something wasn't right with me. Then about 2 weeks ago my neck right under the jaw line swelled up to the size of a softball man it was painful. The lymph nodes around an old tumor that was not malignant had swollen. This old tumor is called something I really can't recall the name just know that it sounded German and that older folks and smokers get them but they are usually not cancerous. Anyway had a biopsy done and just found out it is malignant. So now needless to say I'm really scared and I can't say that to my wife.

It's my own dang fault smoked for all those years so stupid. Now I know it doesn't just happen to other people. I'm so worried for my wife right now and my daughter Megan. They depend so much on me Megan is special she will always be about 12 years old. I just don't know how they would manage without me. Such an idiot for smoking all those years.

I know that this doesn't have to be a death sentence. I've already kicked hep c in the butt. Took those treatments back when they were torture. I don't see the Otolaryngologist until next week so I'm really getting anxious. I would really appreciate any positive thoughts you guys can send my way. And thanks for letting me vent. I may be doing that alot.
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Best of luck to you

And it's never too late.  Starting eating healthy, find some stress release techniques etc....it will go along way in dealing with treatment and hopefully healing.

 
I went to see the Specialist. Turns out that the mass was the same thing I was diagnosed with back in 2014. It is called a Warthin tumor I have more than one now. These are almost never malignant. The only treatment is to either monitor closely or remove the masses. The surgeon said that he would rather monitor and if gets huge again try antibiotics. Surgery is last option he wants to try because it involves removing salivary glans. So pretty good news.

I'm really kind of aggravated with the first ENT Docs because they were the ones who diagnosed this years ago. I mean they left me twisting in the wind for over a week. The nurse did call me and told me they were referring me to a specialist because the biopsy came back positive. Now I have been known to get people off topic because I tend to run my mouth when I should be listening or even when I'm not listening and pretending to. So it probably was not the nurses fault I more than likely got her confused. It's just there was really no communication from that office at all.

I just want to thank you all here for the support. It really is amazing that so many kind and good hearted people have managed to find this little area of the internet. I don't think that is easily found many places on the net even if you google it. One good thing that has come of this is no cigarettes in almost 10 days hope it sticks. Again I want to thank everyone you guys and gals are great.

 
rustycolts said:
I went to see the Specialist. Turns out that the mass was the same thing I was diagnosed with back in 2014. It is called a Warthin tumor I have more than one now. These are almost never malignant. The only treatment is to either monitor closely or remove the masses. The surgeon said that he would rather monitor and if gets huge again try antibiotics. Surgery is last option he wants to try because it involves removing salivary glans. So pretty good news.

I'm really kind of aggravated with the first ENT Docs because they were the ones who diagnosed this years ago. I mean they left me twisting in the wind for over a week. The nurse did call me and told me they were referring me to a specialist because the biopsy came back positive. Now I have been known to get people off topic because I tend to run my mouth when I should be listening or even when I'm not listening and pretending to. So it probably was not the nurses fault I more than likely got her confused. It's just there was really no communication from that office at all.

I just want to thank you all here for the support. It really is amazing that so many kind and good hearted people have managed to find this little area of the internet. I don't think that is easily found many places on the net even if you google it. One good thing that has come of this is no cigarettes in almost 10 days hope it sticks. Again I want to thank everyone you guys and gals are great.
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great news  best wishes to you!

 
With 10 days of not smoking, already your heart rate and blood pressure has dropped, the carbon monoxide levels in your blood have returned to normal and within a few more days to weeks your circulation will improve and your lung function increase. 

Within 2 weeks to 11 months, coughing and shortness of breath should decrease significantly and your cilia should start to function like normal again.

Keep it up for a year or 2 and your risk of heart attack will drop dramatically.

Within 5-10 years from now your risk of mouth, throat and voice box cancer will be cut in half.

In 10 years your risk of lung cancer will be half that of a smoker and your risk for other cancers will also fall dramatically.

In 15 years your risk of coronary disease will be almost the same as a lifetime non-smoker.

You got this man. It may not be easy, but look at this as an opportunity to improve all of your chances at better health. You’ve already taken the first steps in that new life and your body is already healing. Good luck to you in your continued endeavor.

 
#### yeah!  Good news.

I've quit smoking twice, In my experince the important milestones were Day 1, Day 3, Day 14, and 6 months.  Day 14-ish is where the routine things kind of fell by the wayside (the "I smoke a cigarette when I drink a beer" kind of thing). If not already, you're nearly there. Fight through any urges, as in fight like a ############. 

The last part, up to month 6 (and occaisionally beyond) is pretty easy to deal with.  It's when you smoke a cigarette in your dreams and you wake up feeling guilty and depressed over it. It seems crazy, but this feeling can linger for a day or so.  Hope you share your first smoking dream with us soon in this thread, because it will be a sign of great progress.

 
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rustycolts said:
Hey guys I have been coming here for dang near 20 years. I haven't posted a whole lot but really enjoyed reading the forums. I feel like I really know some of the posters here even though we may not have interacted at all. I really kind of need a place to talk right now. My wife bless her heart is not really the one I want to express some of these things with she is just too emotional. Plus she is just recently fighting breast cancer herself.

The past few weeks I have had a foreboding feeling like something wasn't right with me. Then about 2 weeks ago my neck right under the jaw line swelled up to the size of a softball man it was painful. The lymph nodes around an old tumor that was not malignant had swollen. This old tumor is called something I really can't recall the name just know that it sounded German and that older folks and smokers get them but they are usually not cancerous. Anyway had a biopsy done and just found out it is malignant. So now needless to say I'm really scared and I can't say that to my wife.

It's my own dang fault smoked for all those years so stupid. Now I know it doesn't just happen to other people. I'm so worried for my wife right now and my daughter Megan. They depend so much on me Megan is special she will always be about 12 years old. I just don't know how they would manage without me. Such an idiot for smoking all those years.

I know that this doesn't have to be a death sentence. I've already kicked hep c in the butt. Took those treatments back when they were torture. I don't see the Otolaryngologist until next week so I'm really getting anxious. I would really appreciate any positive thoughts you guys can send my way. And thanks for letting me vent. I may be doing that alot.
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It's okay to be scared.  All my best to you.

 
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You're a good man, Rusty, God Bless, happy to hear the great news. We all need to take our time to love and enjoy the people and things in our life. - SID

:::CHEERS::: :banned:

 
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