My wife, she's... overweight. (1 Viewer)

[Da Guru]

Advance planning, look at her mother.When I met her mother she was 5-9 and about 150 with very nice breasts and I knew the future would bode well.

When I met my wife she was a very lean 5-9 and about 120..thin but still had good size breasts. My wife matured into a 145-150lb tall woman and the body type I really like. The mother is the key..if the mother is short stocky and fat the daughter will be pretty much the same.

I hate to say this but I would have a very difficult time being married to a fat woman.

 

[jamny]

Advance planning, look at her mother.When I met her mother she was 5-9 and about 150 with very nice breasts and I knew the future would bode well.When I met my wife she was a very lean 5-9 and about 120..thin but still had good size breasts. My wife matured into a 145-150lb tall woman and the body type I really like. The mother is the key..if the mother is short stocky and fat the daughter will be pretty much the same.I hate to say this but I would have a very difficult time being married to a fat woman.

My MiL is a big woman and that has served as incentive for my wife. She's been going to the gym twice a week for over 10 years. Once she turned 40, she started going 3 times a week and in preperation for our recent trip to Turks and Caiscos, she upped it to 4 times a week. She sees the shape her mom is in and swears never to get like that. I know it's rare but it can be stopped.

 

[fatness]

i am not married but i know for dogs they say to give them less treats. skinnydogs#

Less van biscuits, Helen.

 

[Da Guru]

Advance planning, look at her mother.When I met her mother she was 5-9 and about 150 with very nice breasts and I knew the future would bode well.When I met my wife she was a very lean 5-9 and about 120..thin but still had good size breasts. My wife matured into a 145-150lb tall woman and the body type I really like. The mother is the key..if the mother is short stocky and fat the daughter will be pretty much the same.I hate to say this but I would have a very difficult time being married to a fat woman.

My MiL is a big woman and that has served as incentive for my wife. She's been going to the gym twice a week for over 10 years. Once she turned 40, she started going 3 times a week and in preperation for our recent trip to Turks and Caiscos, she upped it to 4 times a week. She sees the shape her mom is in and swears never to get like that. I know it's rare but it can be stopped.

Good for her There are always exceptions to the rule. I like large in shape women that take care of their bodies.

 

[[icon]]

house maintenance + work FT + landscaping + cooking + all of the other crap like finances, food shopping, dr appts etc.

Good point.. you're the only person on the planet who has to do all this stuff. Nevermind. You win.

I do however, make time for physical activity. I walk up 30 flights of stairs and down 8 flights every day at work. I also walk with my daughter after work and have cut down my portions and eliminated snacking. So far, I've lost 55 pounds since my highest weight during my pregnancy. I only have 15 more lbs to go to get to my goal weight. You don't need a gym or wake up early to lose weight.

Where did i specify that you HAD to get up early... and I specified that you DON'T need to go to a gym, which you seem to agree with. Why are you arguing?Losing weight is 80% diet and 20% exercise (if not more). I've seen it 100 times... some woman wallowing in self pity about how she can't lose the baby weight and doesn't have time to lose weight. Bull####. Swing a kettle bell for 15 minutes 3 times a week and stop drinking 500 calorie Starbucks mocacrapachino #### every time you're out driving around. Stop getting yourself a "little cheeseburger" as a snack when you get the kids mcdonalds while out on the run. Stop dipping your veggies in ranch because "you hate veggies". It's all bull####. This isn't rocket science.... and yes, The "I don't have time to go to the gym so I can't lolse weight" IS a bull#### excuse being made by someone who is too lazy. Period.

You are a single parent too with full custody? If so, then you truly understand the difference between a 1 parent and a 2 parent household.I agree with you but saying "I don't have time for physical activity" is a much better statement than "I don't have time for the gym."

You know how I know you're a woman?

Because you can dive into an argument by completely misinterpret my post due to only reading the first sentence, then after getting called out on it somehow continue your argument by transforming it into a fight over semantics.

That's how.

It seems to me that you didn't read the part where beavers very clearly gave examples about how she is very physically active all day, every day (you quoted it but it really doesn't seem like you actually read it). She's doing fine on her activity and the 55 lbs in 18 months (.75lbs/week) indicates patience, dedication and consistency. I think you're off base chastising her.

I don't think they're even having the same conversation

EXACTLY. She read the first sentence of my original post and went off on some crazy tangent.

 

[Binky The Doormat]

Advance planning, look at her mother.When I met her mother she was 5-9 and about 150 with very nice breasts and I knew the future would bode well.When I met my wife she was a very lean 5-9 and about 120..thin but still had good size breasts. My wife matured into a 145-150lb tall woman and the body type I really like. The mother is the key..if the mother is short stocky and fat the daughter will be pretty much the same.I hate to say this but I would have a very difficult time being married to a fat woman.

I did this. Didn't take.

 

[bicycle_seat_sniffer]

fat chics do more stuff

 

[jamny]

Advance planning, look at her mother.When I met her mother she was 5-9 and about 150 with very nice breasts and I knew the future would bode well.When I met my wife she was a very lean 5-9 and about 120..thin but still had good size breasts. My wife matured into a 145-150lb tall woman and the body type I really like. The mother is the key..if the mother is short stocky and fat the daughter will be pretty much the same.I hate to say this but I would have a very difficult time being married to a fat woman.

My MiL is a big woman and that has served as incentive for my wife. She's been going to the gym twice a week for over 10 years. Once she turned 40, she started going 3 times a week and in preperation for our recent trip to Turks and Caiscos, she upped it to 4 times a week. She sees the shape her mom is in and swears never to get like that. I know it's rare but it can be stopped.

Good for her There are always exceptions to the rule. I like large in shape women that take care of their bodies.

well, she's not large in any way. 5'5" and athletic. Her mom is probably 5'8" and over 200. She just knows what she could become if she didn't keep at it. It's definitely incentive for me to keep up and I'm more than happy to do it. And now that we've gotten into a much healthier diet, it'll only get better.

 

[beavers]

house maintenance + work FT + landscaping + cooking + all of the other crap like finances, food shopping, dr appts etc.

Good point.. you're the only person on the planet who has to do all this stuff. Nevermind. You win.

I do however, make time for physical activity. I walk up 30 flights of stairs and down 8 flights every day at work. I also walk with my daughter after work and have cut down my portions and eliminated snacking. So far, I've lost 55 pounds since my highest weight during my pregnancy. I only have 15 more lbs to go to get to my goal weight. You don't need a gym or wake up early to lose weight.

Where did i specify that you HAD to get up early... and I specified that you DON'T need to go to a gym, which you seem to agree with. Why are you arguing?Losing weight is 80% diet and 20% exercise (if not more). I've seen it 100 times... some woman wallowing in self pity about how she can't lose the baby weight and doesn't have time to lose weight. Bull####. Swing a kettle bell for 15 minutes 3 times a week and stop drinking 500 calorie Starbucks mocacrapachino #### every time you're out driving around. Stop getting yourself a "little cheeseburger" as a snack when you get the kids mcdonalds while out on the run. Stop dipping your veggies in ranch because "you hate veggies". It's all bull####. This isn't rocket science.... and yes, The "I don't have time to go to the gym so I can't lolse weight" IS a bull#### excuse being made by someone who is too lazy. Period.

You are a single parent too with full custody? If so, then you truly understand the difference between a 1 parent and a 2 parent household.I agree with you but saying "I don't have time for physical activity" is a much better statement than "I don't have time for the gym."

You know how I know you're a woman?

Because you can dive into an argument by completely misinterpret my post due to only reading the first sentence, then after getting called out on it somehow continue your argument by transforming it into a fight over semantics.

That's how.

It seems to me that you didn't read the part where beavers very clearly gave examples about how she is very physically active all day, every day (you quoted it but it really doesn't seem like you actually read it). She's doing fine on her activity and the 55 lbs in 18 months (.75lbs/week) indicates patience, dedication and consistency. I think you're off base chastising her.

I don't think they're even having the same conversation

EXACTLY. She read the first sentence of my original post and went off on some crazy tangent.

I said I couldn't go to the gym and your response was that lack of time for the gym was a bull#### excuse.

 

[mr roboto]

icon is pissy.

 

[Bamboo Bill]

icon is pissy.

and he'd be hitting on beavers, instead of being a #### if she were heterosexual.

 

[gameday]

We have a CSA which means, during the spring, summer and fall, we have more veggies than any 2 people could possibly eat. This means we make huge portions of veggie dishes and we love them. You can eat as much as you want and be stuffed at the end.

Excuse me but why do you guys eat 'more than any 2 people could possibly eat?' That is just effing disgusting. Why not eat just a reasonable amount?

 

[GTBilly]

What is a CSA?

 

[parasaurolophus]

We have a CSA which means, during the spring, summer and fall, we have more veggies than any 2 people could possibly eat. This means we make huge portions of veggie dishes and we love them. You can eat as much as you want and be stuffed at the end.

Excuse me but why do you guys eat 'more than any 2 people could possibly eat?' That is just effing disgusting. Why not eat just a reasonable amount?

Pretty sure he said they have more, not that they eat more. A csa is probably like a coop agreement and they get tons of fresh veggies, so they cook a lot. Nothing wrong here.

 

[No. 16]

Have her try the Shangri La Diet.

Never tried it, but read about it and people have had results.

Basic jist is you take a table spoon of olive oil 3 times a day and eat nothing an hour before or after, this will help naturally suppress appetite.

 

[flapgreen]

Good luck.... I'm not sure what to tell ya there.

Yeah, Icon isn't much use in here. Guy only dates smoking hot girls that live to please him. I'm still not sure how he does it. eta: He is more charismatic than Arnold in his prime,though(Schwarzenegger, not the Different Strokes kid).

 

[Ministry of Pain]

What is a CSA?

Community Supported Agriculture...code for a box of local produce you pay double to have brought to you directly because you are such a nature lover stuck in the big city. It's a way for yuppies to feel better about all the other crap they ingest. It's like those idiots that buy Vitamix machines and then just use them to make milkshakes once a week.

 

[flapgreen]

How is it possible for me to make it to the gym? Shall I leave my daughter with the homeless guys who hang outside the YMCA? Having a gym membership <> weight loss. We should be promoting that any type of physical activity that leads to the intended result is a good thing.

How old are your kids? If they can be in a stroller or push thingy, just load them up and go for a walk. If they can ride bikes then take them to the park and go outside. Who takes these children out each day for fresh air?

She's a very active 18 month old. We do the stroller walk to the park and then she runs and runs and runs and I follow.

I can't imagine being a single parent. Life is crazy at my household, and there are 2 of us. I'm not saying exercising isn't possible, but I respect how difficult it is to make time to go to the gym. After our second child was born a few weeks ago, I can only get to the gym twice a week. I do videos at home the other days. My wife puts our kids in the nursery at the local YMCA and works out. Never had any problems. Of course, she's a stay at home mom and doesn't work.

 

[Judge Smails]

Man, I feel for husbands in this spot. I don't know how I could deal with sleeping next to a woman I wasn't physically attracted to. What would be worse is if I didn't feel they were even trying. At her weight health is a real issue. I imagine blood pressure and cholesterol are up and she's close to being a Type 2 diabetic if not already. Hopefully the doctor can scare her into wanting to get healthy for her family, to be around when her kids graduate, get married, have grandkids, etc.

No real suggestions except any focus on a specific diet instead of lifestyle just doesn't work. The endless cycle of Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, heaven forbid the Lindero weight loss thing where they inject you with "B12" every day (friend and his wife are on that one - psychos) is just throwing away money. If you are eating as healthy as you say you are at home, even with bad portion control, it means she has to chowing when you're not there. I mean fast food, pastries - you name it and she's eating it non-stop.

Personally, I'd have Biggest Loser on when she walks in. Other people can do it - so can she if she wants. The "too busy" stuff is a total excuse. The people that say they are too busy to shop and buy fresh, good food or cook it have plenty of time to watch endless re-runs on TV every day. It's all about choices. She's making some right now. Including risking not being around for her family, inviting a divorce or her husband to cheat, etc. She's choosing food and no exercise for those things.

Hire a trainer and a nutritionist and have them both come to the home. Nutritionist shows her portion control and cooking skills with REAL food, and trainer shows her routines that will show her success in a short time. They can do 30 minutes in a garage. Some good suggestions with kettle bells, etc. Once she sees a bit of progress she may get motivated. And don't say you don't have the money. If you don't spend it on this, you'll be spending it at the pharmacy on all of the prescriptions not covered by your health plan. Sorry man.

 

[Chaka]

house maintenance + work FT + landscaping + cooking + all of the other crap like finances, food shopping, dr appts etc.

Good point.. you're the only person on the planet who has to do all this stuff. Nevermind. You win.

I do however, make time for physical activity. I walk up 30 flights of stairs and down 8 flights every day at work. I also walk with my daughter after work and have cut down my portions and eliminated snacking. So far, I've lost 55 pounds since my highest weight during my pregnancy. I only have 15 more lbs to go to get to my goal weight. You don't need a gym or wake up early to lose weight.

Where did i specify that you HAD to get up early... and I specified that you DON'T need to go to a gym, which you seem to agree with. Why are you arguing?Losing weight is 80% diet and 20% exercise (if not more). I've seen it 100 times... some woman wallowing in self pity about how she can't lose the baby weight and doesn't have time to lose weight. Bull####. Swing a kettle bell for 15 minutes 3 times a week and stop drinking 500 calorie Starbucks mocacrapachino #### every time you're out driving around. Stop getting yourself a "little cheeseburger" as a snack when you get the kids mcdonalds while out on the run. Stop dipping your veggies in ranch because "you hate veggies". It's all bull####. This isn't rocket science.... and yes, The "I don't have time to go to the gym so I can't lolse weight" IS a bull#### excuse being made by someone who is too lazy. Period.

You are a single parent too with full custody? If so, then you truly understand the difference between a 1 parent and a 2 parent household.I agree with you but saying "I don't have time for physical activity" is a much better statement than "I don't have time for the gym."

Pretty sure you did the same thing. You may have read all the words but I don't think you bothered to understand them.You know how I know you're a woman?

Because you can dive into an argument by completely misinterpret my post due to only reading the first sentence, then after getting called out on it somehow continue your argument by transforming it into a fight over semantics.

That's how.

It seems to me that you didn't read the part where beavers very clearly gave examples about how she is very physically active all day, every day (you quoted it but it really doesn't seem like you actually read it). She's doing fine on her activity and the 55 lbs in 18 months (.75lbs/week) indicates patience, dedication and consistency. I think you're off base chastising her.

I don't think they're even having the same conversation

EXACTLY. She read the first sentence of my original post and went off on some crazy tangent.

 

[Chaka]

That is the Tao of Steve.

This shouldn't surprise me but, seriously? First off you have no Steve in you so don't even pretend and second off that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

 

[fatness]

icon is pissy.

That's how you can tell he's a woman.

 

[Cunk]

What is a CSA?

Community Supported Agriculture...code for a box of local produce you pay double to have brought to you directly because you are such a nature lover stuck in the big city. It's a way for yuppies to feel better about all the other crap they ingest. It's like those idiots that buy Vitamix machines and then just use them to make milkshakes once a week.

Um, no. You pick up our CSA from at a local farm or at a farmer's market. So we are idiots because we buy a box of fresh produce and support local farming at the same time? I think we pay around $250 for the CSA. It runs for about 5 months. That equals about $13.00 a week. Can't believe I'm even defending this.

 

[Cunk]

We have a CSA which means, during the spring, summer and fall, we have more veggies than any 2 people could possibly eat. This means we make huge portions of veggie dishes and we love them. You can eat as much as you want and be stuffed at the end.

Excuse me but why do you guys eat 'more than any 2 people could possibly eat?' That is just effing disgusting. Why not eat just a reasonable amount?

 

[nysportsfan]

What is a CSA?

Community Supported Agriculture...code for a box of local produce you pay double to have brought to you directly because you are such a nature lover stuck in the big city. It's a way for yuppies to feel better about all the other crap they ingest. It's like those idiots that buy Vitamix machines and then just use them to make milkshakes once a week.

 

[beavers]

house maintenance + work FT + landscaping + cooking + all of the other crap like finances, food shopping, dr appts etc.

Good point.. you're the only person on the planet who has to do all this stuff. Nevermind. You win.

I do however, make time for physical activity. I walk up 30 flights of stairs and down 8 flights every day at work. I also walk with my daughter after work and have cut down my portions and eliminated snacking. So far, I've lost 55 pounds since my highest weight during my pregnancy. I only have 15 more lbs to go to get to my goal weight. You don't need a gym or wake up early to lose weight.

Where did i specify that you HAD to get up early... and I specified that you DON'T need to go to a gym, which you seem to agree with. Why are you arguing?Losing weight is 80% diet and 20% exercise (if not more). I've seen it 100 times... some woman wallowing in self pity about how she can't lose the baby weight and doesn't have time to lose weight. Bull####. Swing a kettle bell for 15 minutes 3 times a week and stop drinking 500 calorie Starbucks mocacrapachino #### every time you're out driving around. Stop getting yourself a "little cheeseburger" as a snack when you get the kids mcdonalds while out on the run. Stop dipping your veggies in ranch because "you hate veggies". It's all bull####. This isn't rocket science.... and yes, The "I don't have time to go to the gym so I can't lolse weight" IS a bull#### excuse being made by someone who is too lazy. Period.

You are a single parent too with full custody? If so, then you truly understand the difference between a 1 parent and a 2 parent household.I agree with you but saying "I don't have time for physical activity" is a much better statement than "I don't have time for the gym."

You know how I know you're a woman?

Because you can dive into an argument by completely misinterpret my post due to only reading the first sentence, then after getting called out on it somehow continue your argument by transforming it into a fight over semantics.

That's how.

It seems to me that you didn't read the part where beavers very clearly gave examples about how she is very physically active all day, every day (you quoted it but it really doesn't seem like you actually read it). She's doing fine on her activity and the 55 lbs in 18 months (.75lbs/week) indicates patience, dedication and consistency. I think you're off base chastising her.

 

[beavers]

wait, wait, wait . . . Beavers is a woman?!

:sigh:

 

[Leroy Hoard]

wait, wait, wait . . . Beavers is a woman?!

:sigh:

"Gender" can be quite a confusing term to some...

 

[shadyridr]

Advance planning, look at her mother.When I met her mother she was 5-9 and about 150 with very nice breasts and I knew the future would bode well.When I met my wife she was a very lean 5-9 and about 120..thin but still had good size breasts. My wife matured into a 145-150lb tall woman and the body type I really like. The mother is the key..if the mother is short stocky and fat the daughter will be pretty much the same.I hate to say this but I would have a very difficult time being married to a fat woman.

not always true. My MIL is a cougar by every definition but has 3 overweight (yet beautiful) daughters)

 

[Invaded?]

I'll start this off by saying that I love my wife, and that I don't want anything but for us to live a long and happy life together. She is an amazing wife and mother in almost all respects.

But, she's overweight. And not "just a couple pounds" overweight. We're talking probably at least 60-70 #'s higher than the day we said 'I do'. We've been married over 10 years and it's been about a year since the last kid. She's never been "skinny", and so I don't expect her to be that. But I'm getting to the point where it's really starting to bother me.

It's not that she doesn't know she's overweight. She knows it. She's always struggled with it. She's never been a lazy person, but she does have problems with food. You name the diet programs and she's tried them. Each time it just ends with me being frustrated that she's throwing money away by giving up X number of days/weeks into it, and her being upset at me for "not understanding".

I work full time. She works at home part-time while taking care of the kids (though we have a babysitter/nanny for more hours per day at home than I'd prefer). She's got a lot on her plate and we don't have the time or money to hire her a personal trainer/nutritionist and send her to the gym for an hour a day.

Meanwhile, sex has dropped off considerably over the last few years. Partially due to kids, I'll admit. But nowadays the kids are in bed by 8 or 9 and there's plenty of time that we COULD spend together. I think her weight gain has affected her sex drive considerably, and if she felt better about herself she would be a lot more interested. And I guess her weight gain has affected MY sex drive as well. I really find it amazing how our connection to each other really seems to ebb and flow with our sex life.

I DO know how hard it is for her. She doesn't want to weigh what she does. But right now her will to change is not greater than her will to eat or be healthy. I want her to get back to her old self for the purposes stated above, but I also want her to be around for a while, and she's not at a healthy weight.

She knows I'd prefer her skinnier, but I have NOT told her that it's really been bothering me. It's a delicate conversation and a delicate situation, where "Just tell her to get her fat ### in shape!" is just not the best approach.

I know everyone here has supermodel wives but maybe there's a few average FBG's who have come out on the victorious side of this problem and now have better-than-ever relationships with their wives. What did it take? What did you do?

All responses welcome.

We got all kinds of bad going on here....1. That attitude is not going to help you. You must stay out of acting like you know the 1st thing about health...they(females) don't want us(males) dictating what they can eat and such...you need to let an "expert". Did you give birth to the children? Do you fill up with blood and water and can't poop for several days everytime you have a period? No because you're a man and all you need is a bush to pee near...that's how they think of us my friend.

2. Why don't you just say your wife is a lazy no good witch who can't even take care of the kids without an assistant?

3. Are you upset that you can't have sex or are you perturbed that this heavyset woman that you probably think should fall down and perform sex every time she walks by suddenly isn't the slightest bit interested in you?

You all need professional counseling for the sake of these wonderful children. Don't give us money or time, you have health insurance to cover this...you must go get counseling and get you and your wife on the same page, otherwise eventually neither of you will talk to each other, you'll develop a drug habit, and you will end up at the mercy of some cheap prostitute you think is a "friend". Just go get professional help, forget the diet and your wife losing weight, you all have bigger problems here IMO.

I can't decide if this is 90% schtick or 100% schtick.

Ask these folks, I'm as serious as a heart attack. The inability to communicate with your wife in a positive manner is going to destroy your marriage. Mine just about died but fortunately I got some help...I hate to say it but this place came down on me like a bag of bricks and I did go get counseling for my wife and I. Since we went for marriage counseling we both have learned to respect and communicate with each other a bajillion times better. It's not perfect but a lot of the little things don't come up anymore, we both try to help each other with food choices...every once in a while the other one steps in and will say to the other "Is this really what we want"

We found more topics and interests we can share together, sex drive and frequency went way up...it's quite amazing how much women want to have sex with you when they feel close to you, know you're attracted to them, know you also respect their mind and enjoy conversations with each other.

Ok... well I guess I'll address these even though I still think you have to be all schtick.1. I don't give her an attitude. I have fully supported her in EVERY weight loss attempt she has ever made. Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, Atkins, etc. etc. etc. Each time she wants to spend money on something new I fully support her. The ONLY thing I do is just try to get her to promise me that she will stick with it and not give in/give up. Inevitably she has a busy week or something else and breaks her diet, or she gets sick of the food, or whatever. I get frustrated obviously. The frustration comes mainly from seeing her so unhappy with her body yet consciously choosing to have a few cookies or whatever it is that time that gets her off track. I don't tell her what to do or what to eat. I just try to encourage her in whatever she's doing.

2. Nice job picking up an off-hand comment and blowing it up. It was a comment mainly about money. I wish we could get away with having the sitter less, but it's just not possible right now and I haven't given my wife ANY grief about the amount of hours she needs out of her. We have multiple YOUNG children, and it's impossible to get anything done while watching all of them, especially during the summer.

3. I want a healthier sex life with my wife. I love her and want to feel close to her. It's more about desire than frequency to me right now, because I truly due understand the state of our daily lives and the limitations therein. That's really all there is to it.

And truly LOL at the "you have bigger problems than health and weight loss" line.

 

[shadyridr]

I'll start this off by saying that I love my wife, and that I don't want anything but for us to live a long and happy life together. She is an amazing wife and mother in almost all respects.

But, she's overweight. And not "just a couple pounds" overweight. We're talking probably at least 60-70 #'s higher than the day we said 'I do'. We've been married over 10 years and it's been about a year since the last kid. She's never been "skinny", and so I don't expect her to be that. But I'm getting to the point where it's really starting to bother me.

It's not that she doesn't know she's overweight. She knows it. She's always struggled with it. She's never been a lazy person, but she does have problems with food. You name the diet programs and she's tried them. Each time it just ends with me being frustrated that she's throwing money away by giving up X number of days/weeks into it, and her being upset at me for "not understanding".

I work full time. She works at home part-time while taking care of the kids (though we have a babysitter/nanny for more hours per day at home than I'd prefer). She's got a lot on her plate and we don't have the time or money to hire her a personal trainer/nutritionist and send her to the gym for an hour a day.

Meanwhile, sex has dropped off considerably over the last few years. Partially due to kids, I'll admit. But nowadays the kids are in bed by 8 or 9 and there's plenty of time that we COULD spend together. I think her weight gain has affected her sex drive considerably, and if she felt better about herself she would be a lot more interested. And I guess her weight gain has affected MY sex drive as well. I really find it amazing how our connection to each other really seems to ebb and flow with our sex life.

I DO know how hard it is for her. She doesn't want to weigh what she does. But right now her will to change is not greater than her will to eat or be healthy. I want her to get back to her old self for the purposes stated above, but I also want her to be around for a while, and she's not at a healthy weight.

She knows I'd prefer her skinnier, but I have NOT told her that it's really been bothering me. It's a delicate conversation and a delicate situation, where "Just tell her to get her fat ### in shape!" is just not the best approach.

I know everyone here has supermodel wives but maybe there's a few average FBG's who have come out on the victorious side of this problem and now have better-than-ever relationships with their wives. What did it take? What did you do?

All responses welcome.

We got all kinds of bad going on here....1. That attitude is not going to help you. You must stay out of acting like you know the 1st thing about health...they(females) don't want us(males) dictating what they can eat and such...you need to let an "expert". Did you give birth to the children? Do you fill up with blood and water and can't poop for several days everytime you have a period? No because you're a man and all you need is a bush to pee near...that's how they think of us my friend.

2. Why don't you just say your wife is a lazy no good witch who can't even take care of the kids without an assistant?

3. Are you upset that you can't have sex or are you perturbed that this heavyset woman that you probably think should fall down and perform sex every time she walks by suddenly isn't the slightest bit interested in you?

You all need professional counseling for the sake of these wonderful children. Don't give us money or time, you have health insurance to cover this...you must go get counseling and get you and your wife on the same page, otherwise eventually neither of you will talk to each other, you'll develop a drug habit, and you will end up at the mercy of some cheap prostitute you think is a "friend". Just go get professional help, forget the diet and your wife losing weight, you all have bigger problems here IMO.

I can't decide if this is 90% schtick or 100% schtick.

Ask these folks, I'm as serious as a heart attack. The inability to communicate with your wife in a positive manner is going to destroy your marriage. Mine just about died but fortunately I got some help...I hate to say it but this place came down on me like a bag of bricks and I did go get counseling for my wife and I. Since we went for marriage counseling we both have learned to respect and communicate with each other a bajillion times better. It's not perfect but a lot of the little things don't come up anymore, we both try to help each other with food choices...every once in a while the other one steps in and will say to the other "Is this really what we want"

We found more topics and interests we can share together, sex drive and frequency went way up...it's quite amazing how much women want to have sex with you when they feel close to you, know you're attracted to them, know you also respect their mind and enjoy conversations with each other.

Ok... well I guess I'll address these even though I still think you have to be all schtick.1. I don't give her an attitude. I have fully supported her in EVERY weight loss attempt she has ever made. Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, Atkins, etc. etc. etc. Each time she wants to spend money on something new I fully support her. The ONLY thing I do is just try to get her to promise me that she will stick with it and not give in/give up. Inevitably she has a busy week or something else and breaks her diet, or she gets sick of the food, or whatever. I get frustrated obviously. The frustration comes mainly from seeing her so unhappy with her body yet consciously choosing to have a few cookies or whatever it is that time that gets her off track. I don't tell her what to do or what to eat. I just try to encourage her in whatever she's doing.

2. Nice job picking up an off-hand comment and blowing it up. It was a comment mainly about money. I wish we could get away with having the sitter less, but it's just not possible right now and I haven't given my wife ANY grief about the amount of hours she needs out of her. We have multiple YOUNG children, and it's impossible to get anything done while watching all of them, especially during the summer.

3. I want a healthier sex life with my wife. I love her and want to feel close to her. It's more about desire than frequency to me right now, because I truly due understand the state of our daily lives and the limitations therein. That's really all there is to it.

And truly LOL at the "you have bigger problems than health and weight loss" line.

myfitnesspal app is free

 

[Steve Tasker]

What is a CSA?

Community Supported Agriculture...code for a box of local produce you pay double to have brought to you directly because you are such a nature lover stuck in the big city. It's a way for yuppies to feel better about all the other crap they ingest. It's like those idiots that buy Vitamix machines and then just use them to make milkshakes once a week.

 

[SacramentoBob]

What is a CSA?

Community Supported Agriculture...code for a box of local produce you pay double to have brought to you directly because you are such a nature lover stuck in the big city. It's a way for yuppies to feel better about all the other crap they ingest. It's like those idiots that buy Vitamix machines and then just use them to make milkshakes once a week.

They got him real good.

 

[[icon]]

EXACTLY.

She read the first sentence of my original post and went off on some crazy tangent.

I said I couldn't go to the gym and your response was that lack of time for the gym was a bull#### excuse.

You realize you're only proving my point here right? Congrats... you read the first sentence of my post. What did I say after that? Jesus christ... the lesbian model is even more hardheaded than the straight model.

Here... let me help:

The lack of time for a gym is a Bull#### excuse. You can get a great workout in each morning in about 20-30 mins (max) and using only a set of dumbells and your own body weight.

The ruse that you have to go spend 2 hours at the gym to get in shape is bull####. Eat right and do pushups/situps and some dumbell exercises each morning and you'll shed the weight.

If you would have read beyond the first sentence of my post you'd realize that I'm ####### AGREEING WITH YOU. Not being able to go to the gym is a bull#### excuse for people to not lose weight. It can be done via other avenues... via diet and exercise at home...which you have done.

 

[shadyridr]

bizarre argument between beavers and icon

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

1. I don't give her an attitude. I have fully supported her in EVERY weight loss attempt she has ever made. Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, Atkins, etc. etc. etc. Each time she wants to spend money on something new I fully support her. The ONLY thing I do is just try to get her to promise me that she will stick with it and not give in/give up. Inevitably she has a busy week or something else and breaks her diet, or she gets sick of the food, or whatever. I get frustrated obviously. The frustration comes mainly from seeing her so unhappy with her body yet consciously choosing to have a few cookies or whatever it is that time that gets her off track. I don't tell her what to do or what to eat. I just try to encourage her in whatever she's doing.

Yup, incredibly frustrating being the spouse in this scenario.

 

[beavers]

EXACTLY.

She read the first sentence of my original post and went off on some crazy tangent.

I said I couldn't go to the gym and your response was that lack of time for the gym was a bull#### excuse.

You realize you're only proving my point here right? Congrats... you read the first sentence of my post. What did I say after that? Jesus christ... the lesbian model is even more hardheaded than the straight model.

Here... let me help:

The lack of time for a gym is a Bull#### excuse. You can get a great workout in each morning in about 20-30 mins (max) and using only a set of dumbells and your own body weight.

The ruse that you have to go spend 2 hours at the gym to get in shape is bull####. Eat right and do pushups/situps and some dumbell exercises each morning and you'll shed the weight.

If you would have read beyond the first sentence of my post you'd realize that I'm ####### AGREEING WITH YOU. Not being able to go to the gym is a bull#### excuse for people to not lose weight. It can be done via other avenues... via diet and exercise at home...which you have done.

What's even better, is that you just proved that you have no idea on how to communicate with women. You need to relax, dude.

 

[beavers]

bizarre argument between beavers and icon

Totally.

 

[Bamboo Bill]

You realize you're only proving my point here right? Congrats... you read the first sentence of my post. What did I say after that? Jesus christ... the lesbian model is even more hardheaded than the straight model.

Jesus...could you be any more ignorant? What does her sexual orientation have to do with anything here???

 

[Sweet J]

I work full time. She works at home part-time while taking care of the kids (though we have a babysitter/nanny for more hours per day at home than I'd prefer). She's got a lot on her plate and we don't have the time or money to hire her a personal trainer/nutritionist and send her to the gym for an hour a day.

Completely unacceptable. Unless you are starving, this should be your highest priority for money. More than college savings funds, more than paying down mortgage, more than cable TV, more than an I-phone, and possibly more than 401k or other retirement.If your wife's weight gain make her unhappy, and she wants to change, and you love her and want to make her better, then move heaven and earth to make a way for her to make the changes. 70 pounds over her pre-married weight is rediculous. I personnally think that the most effective way to lose weight like that is with regular personal trainer. An hour a day, 6 days a week, is what she needs. And only you can help her make that happen. Hire a babysitter, find a nanny, get neighbors to watch your kids, join a club and hire a trainer.

Seriously, if it costs $20k a year so that she could loose 70 pounds in 2 years, would that be worth it? I guess the answer depends on how much you love your wife.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

I work full time. She works at home part-time while taking care of the kids (though we have a babysitter/nanny for more hours per day at home than I'd prefer). She's got a lot on her plate and we don't have the time or money to hire her a personal trainer/nutritionist and send her to the gym for an hour a day.

Completely unacceptable. Unless you are starving, this should be your highest priority for money. More than college savings funds, more than paying down mortgage, more than cable TV, more than an I-phone, and possibly more than 401k or other retirement.If your wife's weight gain make her unhappy, and she wants to change, and you love her and want to make her better, then move heaven and earth to make a way for her to make the changes. 70 pounds over her pre-married weight is rediculous. I personnally think that the most effective way to lose weight like that is with regular personal trainer. An hour a day, 6 days a week, is what she needs. And only you can help her make that happen. Hire a babysitter, find a nanny, get neighbors to watch your kids, join a club and hire a trainer.

Seriously, if it costs $20k a year so that she could loose 70 pounds in 2 years, would that be worth it? I guess the answer depends on how much you love your wife.

I can't tell if this is shtick.

 

[Sweet J]

Oh, and another thing -- it is all about the exercise. As long as you are not a total idiot about food, don't let her get herself (and don't you) get all wrapped around the axel about "dieting."

If a person is working out an hour a day, the diet will come. Again, if you are conciencious about what you eat, how you eat, and you make a point to eat as much whole grains as possible, lean meat, and cut down on the sweets, you (your wife) will be fine -- as long as she is exercising.

It's not to say that her diet isn't important. It is. But it is easy (compared to working out). She doesn't need to do anything "fancy" or get a nutritionist. A personasl trainer is important because it will help with the motivation and follow through.

 

[Sweet J]

I work full time. She works at home part-time while taking care of the kids (though we have a babysitter/nanny for more hours per day at home than I'd prefer). She's got a lot on her plate and we don't have the time or money to hire her a personal trainer/nutritionist and send her to the gym for an hour a day.

Completely unacceptable. Unless you are starving, this should be your highest priority for money. More than college savings funds, more than paying down mortgage, more than cable TV, more than an I-phone, and possibly more than 401k or other retirement.If your wife's weight gain make her unhappy, and she wants to change, and you love her and want to make her better, then move heaven and earth to make a way for her to make the changes. 70 pounds over her pre-married weight is rediculous. I personnally think that the most effective way to lose weight like that is with regular personal trainer. An hour a day, 6 days a week, is what she needs. And only you can help her make that happen. Hire a babysitter, find a nanny, get neighbors to watch your kids, join a club and hire a trainer.

Seriously, if it costs $20k a year so that she could loose 70 pounds in 2 years, would that be worth it? I guess the answer depends on how much you love your wife.

I can't tell if this is shtick.

I'm a little over the top, particularly with the "how much do you love your wife" thing. But I'm dead serious about the message. If a person is unhappy with themselves because he/she is 70/80 pounds overweight, then the excuse of "we don't have money for a personal trainer" and "we don't have money for a babysitter" is totally unacceptable.I understand that it is NOT EASY to loose that kind of weight. It takes a real committment. He needs to do everything humanly possible to help her do this, including having difficult conversations, and including shooting the lock off his wallet.

My only caveatte is that I am assuming that Wife is equally unhappy about this. If she isn't unhappy about her weight, than throw my words out the window.

 

[Chaka]

EXACTLY.

She read the first sentence of my original post and went off on some crazy tangent.

I said I couldn't go to the gym and your response was that lack of time for the gym was a bull#### excuse.

You realize you're only proving my point here right? Congrats... you read the first sentence of my post. What did I say after that? Jesus christ... the lesbian model is even more hardheaded than the straight model.

Here... let me help:

The lack of time for a gym is a Bull#### excuse. You can get a great workout in each morning in about 20-30 mins (max) and using only a set of dumbells and your own body weight.

The ruse that you have to go spend 2 hours at the gym to get in shape is bull####. Eat right and do pushups/situps and some dumbell exercises each morning and you'll shed the weight.

If you would have read beyond the first sentence of my post you'd realize that I'm ####### AGREEING WITH YOU. Not being able to go to the gym is a bull#### excuse for people to not lose weight. It can be done via other avenues... via diet and exercise at home...which you have done.

What you wrote does not read like what you think you intended to write. It comes off as you chastising her for not only not making 2 hours for the gym but not even making 20-30 minutes/day to do the exercise that you think is appropriate. What's odd is that you didn't back off when she outlined her, very active, personal schedule and the excellent results she has reaped over the last 18 months. Again, it might not be what you intended but that's how it is coming across.I agree with you about not needing a gym but your calling out beavers in this case is off base.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

It's not to say that her diet isn't important. It is. But it is easy (compared to working out).

I would strongly disagree with this based on my experiences with my wife. I know some people will quibble with the language, but I think overeating is akin to an addiction like smoking or drugs. Except in some ways it's even tougher to break the addiction because, well, you have to eat to live. Someone trying to quit smoking can try to stay away from cigarettes and be relatively successful. Someone trying to change their eating habits can't really do that.

 

[Chaka]

Oh, and another thing -- it is all about the exercise.

It's really not at all about the exercise. While exercise is certainly beneficial for your overall health, study after study demonstrates that it is not effective as a means for long term weight loss. The very short answer why is that when you exercise more you eat more.

 

[[icon]]

What's even better, is that you just proved that you have no idea on how to communicate with women. You need to relax, dude.

My 10 year and counting relationship seems to indicate otherwise but thanks for the message board shrink And trust me, I'm plenty relaxed. I was actually laughing over here at how absurd your stubbornness was. I appreciate it.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

I'm dead serious about the message. If a person is unhappy with themselves because he/she is 70/80 pounds overweight, then the excuse of "we don't have money for a personal trainer" and "we don't have money for a babysitter" is totally unacceptable.I understand that it is NOT EASY to loose that kind of weight. It takes a real committment. He needs to do everything humanly possible to help her do this, including having difficult conversations, and including shooting the lock off his wallet.My only caveatte is that I am assuming that Wife is equally unhappy about this. If she isn't unhappy about her weight, than throw my words out the window.

What if he spends a bunch of money and she either doesn't lose the weight or she loses it and gains it back? Should he keep spending more and more money at the expense of other priorities? Is there any limiting principle here? Because at some point I don't think it makes sense to drive your family deep in debt to try to fix the problem that isn't getting fixed.

 

[[icon]]

You realize you're only proving my point here right? Congrats... you read the first sentence of my post. What did I say after that? Jesus christ... the lesbian model is even more hardheaded than the straight model.

Jesus...could you be any more ignorant? What does her sexual orientation have to do with anything here???

Oh I'm sorry.. Did I stray into the Shtick-Free Serious-Business corner of the internet... my bad.

 

[Mr. Soup Nazi]

Not going to read all of the responses in here, but if this hasn't already been mentioned:

Get rid of television. I don't mean the machine, I mean cable/dish or whatever programming you have. Buy some rabbit ears for major events and subscribe to Netflix (or just do Redbox), but don't allow for your main form of entertainment to be sitting down not moving.

It will change your whole family. We did it out of financial pressures, but it has done wonders for our health and our relationships.