one great sentence (1 Viewer)

[fatness]

Once in awhile there's an article containing a sentence so awesome that the rest of the article doesn't matter much. Here's one I saw recently. Feel free to add yours.

The pair said the course was tough, with several hills in addition to the zombies lurching for their brains.

 

[McGarnicle]

Sauté the parakeets gently, being careful not to break their beaks.

 

[fatness]

Scott explained to deputies that her boyfriend kept walking into her knife as the two argued, according to an arrest report.

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/crime/fl-model-slashes-boyfriend-pot-20131021,0,4976151.story

 

[Leroy Hoard]

As the dark and mysterious stranger approached, Angela bit her lip anxiously, hoping with every nerve, cell, and fiber of her being that this would be the one man who would understand – who would take her away from all this – and who would not just squeeze her boob and make a loud honking noise, as all the others had.

 

[zamboni]

I never thought anything like this would ever happen to me...

 

[Abraham]

From Grantland last year during the Finals when Leonard had dunked on Miller. Thought this was awesome...

I want to see Kawhi Leonard's Blood Meridian of a dunk on Mike Miller depicted in the most fevered Cormac McCarthy prose you could possibly imagine. "And then rising from the hard planks like a pheasant startled by shot the cornrowed elongated youth swung down his arm and it was as if fire fell with his swing and truth fell with it and something fell too that was neither fire nor truth but that could perhaps have been called beauty and that was more terrible than fire or truth by far."

 

[Leroy Hoard]

Howie McLennon:





Before they met, his heart was a frozen block of ice, scarred by the skate blades of broken relationships, then she came along and like a beautiful Zamboni flooded his heart with warmth, scraped away the ugly slushy bits, and dumped them in the empty parking lot of his soul.

 

[ntz08]

It depends upon what the meaning of the word 'is' is.

 

[GregR]

As an ornithologist, George was fascinated by the fact that urine and feces mix in birds’ rectums to form a unified, homogeneous slurry that is expelled through defecation, although eying Greta's face, and sensing the reaction of the congregation, he immediately realized he should have used a different analogy to describe their relationship in his wedding vows.

 

[zamboni]

Howie McLennon:



Before they met, his heart was a frozen block of ice, scarred by the skate blades of broken relationships, then she came along and like a beautiful Zamboni flooded his heart with warmth, scraped away the ugly slushy bits, and dumped them in the empty parking lot of his soul.

 

[rockaction]

As an ornithologist, George was fascinated by the fact that urine and feces mix in birds’ rectums to form a unified, homogeneous slurry that is expelled through defecation, although eying Greta's face, and sensing the reaction of the congregation, he immediately realized he should have used a different analogy to describe their relationship in his wedding vows.

 

[Rustoleum]

Death, by Bunga-Bunga.

 

[GregR]

In a flurry of flame and fur, fangs and wicker, thus ended the world’s first and only hot air baboon ride.

 

[Psychopav]

UFC Middleweight Kendall "The Spider" Grove

God gave me long arms and long legs for a reason: that is to

punch people and to kick people in the face from a long

distance.

 

[Dinsy Ejotuz]

When you fart is loud enough to make a animal curious you know probably gonna win burritos.

 

[Sarnoff]

It was in November of that same year that I learned more of the truth about Mr. Ishida and his bookstore.

 

[massraider]

As an ornithologist, George was fascinated by the fact that urine and feces mix in birds’ rectums to form a unified, homogeneous slurry that is expelled through defecation, although eying Greta's face, and sensing the reaction of the congregation, he immediately realized he should have used a different analogy to describe their relationship in his wedding vows.

This could be a Far Side caption.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.

 

[fatness]

He forcibly picked into the back, the base of the bill and mostly into the back of the head of the dead mallard for about two minutes, then mounted the corpse and started to copulate, with great force, almost continuously picking the side of the head

mallard necrophilia (pdf)

 

[fatness]

After the failure of these searches, Eckert underwent three different enemas and was forced to defecate in front of doctors and police officers.

http://rt.com/usa/hospital-bills-eckert-search-270/

 

[ntz08]

But when the female finally got dressed, she attempted to put a cheeseburger on her foot as if it were a sandal.

 

[fatness]

Boy meets girl, boy bites girl, boy’s mouth fuses to girl’s body, boy lives the rest of his life attached to girl sharing her blood and supplying her with sperm.

http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2013/11/absurd-creature-of-the-week-anglerfish/

 

[Spike]

Yup. Friday.

 

[eaganwildcats]

The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.

 

[Ilov80s]

"I've been drunk for about a week now, and I thought it might sober me up to sit in a library."

 

[fatness]

Ducharme's current object of affection is the ferris wheel Bruce, whom she previously married, had tuned up, and then remarried via a former Catholic priest who is in love with his soundboard.

http://gawker.com/here-is-a-woman-marrying-a-ferris-wheel-1463063162?utm_campaign=socialflow_gawker_twitter&utm_source=gawker_twitter&utm_medium=socialflow

 

[Jewell]

The headline

 

[Ilov80s]

The headline

Quality headline, but not a sentence.

 

[Sinn Fein]

The headline

Quality headline, but not a sentence.

"At first, I thought he was being a bully until he told me he fancied downloading his sperms in my butt."

 

[Dinsy Ejotuz]

"Her disappearance was only one part of a much more complicated saga — one that involved illegitimate children, secret sex rituals, foreign spy agencies, and the family of Vice President Joseph Biden."

 

[Jewell]

Defendant Flair wore a jeweled cape but was naked underneath and "flashed" his nakedness, spinning his penis around.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/flight-attendants-sue-raunchy-wrestlers

 

[Jewell]

Before the tumultuous night was over, they told police, (Mayor) Ford would call a cab driver a “Paki,” deride several top aides as “Liberal #####es,” burst into tears about his deceased father and tell a former staffer that “I banged your #####.”

Ford is a train wreck, but he's comedy gold.

 

[T Bell]

Before the tumultuous night was over, they told police, (Mayor) Ford would call a cab driver a “Paki,” deride several top aides as “Liberal #####es,” burst into tears about his deceased father and tell a former staffer that “I banged your #####.”

Ford is a train wreck, but he's comedy gold.

He's Chris Farley as mayor of a major city.

 

[T Bell]

"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!"

 

[Fennis]

I am.

 

[Fennis]

Before the tumultuous night was over, they told police, (Mayor) Ford would call a cab driver a “Paki,” deride several top aides as “Liberal #####es,” burst into tears about his deceased father and tell a former staffer that “I banged your #####.”

Ford is a train wreck, but he's comedy gold.

He's Chris Farley as mayor of a major city.

Can you imagine what Farley would be doing to this guy if he was alive?

coke together?

 

[jhib]

Great!

 

[NewlyRetired]

"The avalanche has already started, it is too late for the pebbles to vote."

 

[Bob Magaw]

"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!"

two sentences, but great.

 

[Bob Magaw]

“He let himself be led into the night, into the forest, into the blind secret wordless, thoughtless country.”

“They slept profoundly, desperately, greedily, as though for the last time, as though they had been condemned to stay awake forever and had to drink in all the sleep in the world during these last hours. ”

 

[flysack]

Oral sex is good for women's health and makes you feel happier, according to a study which studied the effects of semen's 'mood-altering chemicals'

.

 

[fatness]

"Apparently, when you give soldiers a weapon they’ve dreamed about their entire lives, their intelligence drops to the level of a ######ed monkey.”

http://www.duffelblog.com/2013/11/pentagon-scraps-lightsaber-weapons-program-gross-misconduct-numerous-injuries/

 

[fatness]

Grumpy worked at the mine with the other dwarves, but he only did it because it gave him health insurance.

fairy tales for twenty-somethings

 

[Leroy Hoard]

From our very own college football thread:

"Maybe Ohio State and Baylor can murder somebody and the Big Pink Express will be on its way to Pasadena"

 

[fatness]

Thailand’s ministries are now adorned in crude signs that read, in Thai, “Stupid #####!” or variations such as “Stupid Crab ##### Water Buffalo Face.”

http://www.globalpost.com/dispatch/globalpost-blogs/world-at-play/131126/thailand-masses-occupy-ministries-protest-against-dem

 

[fatness]

Mongolians bravely swallow a glass of pickled sheep eyeballs mixed into tomato juice to chase away their morning-after blues.

http://socialreader.com/me/content/lYOsZ?chid=82056

 

[fatness]

“I had sex with my cat and everyone knows.”

http://965thefox.com/woman-has-sex-with-cat-threatens-neighbor-with-knife/

 

[fatness]

He did not know how the cow got into the pool.

http://www.oregonlive.com/pacific-northwest-news/index.ssf/2013/12/mcminnville_firefighters_rescu.html

 

[AAABatteries]

This time, as I felt my pants tighten, there was nothing I could do to hide it.

 

[Jewell]

From: Steve Smith on Ric Flair: That 'bridge has been burned'

"As a guy who actually has a Ric Flair robe I'm real disappointed in seeing that. Real disappointed," Smith said.