dparker713 said:
Henry Ford said:
dparker713 said:
Henry Ford said:
dparker713 said:
Henry Ford said:
dparker713 said:
I'm a parent of 4. Seen and heard things my kids have done that made my internal outrage meter go off. As the most pissed off and physically strongest person in the room, sometimes it's hard to channel that anger and focus your energy into a constructive, patient, lesson learning punishment. That brute animal instinct at the moment the #### hits the fan can make you twitch in anger thinking you need to unload your frustrations. Then you look down at your small child who you love...who cannot in any way defend him or herself from you and you remind yourself that the point of discipline is to right your child. It's not to inflict pain or release personal frustrations. That is not your right as a parent. The line you draw between abuse and discipline is a fine line, but you need to know that there are laws that delineate what you can and cannot do. Throw out cultural bias, that's a worthless crutch that enables domestic violence. The same kind of cultural bias was once used to justify segregation and women's suffrage.
A four year old child cannot even understand half the time what it is they are being punished for. They are very inquisitive at that age, and naturally get themselves in situations that get them into trouble. It's in their nature to push the boundaries. And it's completely normal. What's abnormal is to be a grown (yet immature) man of Adrian Peterson's might that believes he can somehow knock some sense into them. Hiding behind cultural upbringing is buying into the same cycle of violence and the chain never breaks. PSA to future parents, If you don't have patience, then don't get into the parenting business. It's not for everybody.
In discussions about this kind if thing with people at work I've brought up an alternative idea. Try waiting 15-30 minutes and then do it. It takes all emotion out of it. If it's about discipline, then waiting a few should not matter. I think in many (I'd say most but I don't have data on it, just a feeling) instances, the act of physical punishment of a child is just as much about getting rid of your own anger as it is correcting something that a child does wrong. If you believe physical punishment is a viable parenting choice to correct behaviors (ie a child learns a specific long term lesson from a spanking/whipping) then just waiting until you're calm shouldn't matter right?
But wouldn't the longer you wait to discipline a child make it less likely that they associate the physical punishment with the unwanted behavior?
If they're unable to connect the physical punishment to the behavior by reason, then whipping them is no better than whipping a dog. This isn't a good argument.
You're trying to train two things with the inability to reason and communicate effectively. Why isn't this a good argument?
Not a big dog trainer, are you?
Are you claiming you can't train a dog with a whip?
By whipping it? I guess that depends on what you're training it to do. Are you training it to fear you, be disobedient, and lose control of its bowels?
If you can train a dog to salivate at the sound of a bell, I'd wage you could train it to do a whole lot more than that due to whipping.
I didn't mean my thought to turn it into a debate about dogs but sure, let's talk about this entirely different subject for a second....
It's a dog. An animal that has only the most rudimentary forms of communication between it and any other animal type. It can understand a word as a desired action. Notice something, one single word (stop, sit, halt, outside etc). The ability for dogs to think is probably lower than my 18 month old daughter. Please do not compare the two.
Now back on actual human beings......if someone cannot connect what they did wrong with a spanking/whipping/whatever else you do to physically harm them after 15 minutes, how effective, long term, with the physical "teaching tool" be? Is it that kids that are young can ONLY remember not to do certain things when there is physical force used?
If there is a problem connecting the punishment to the problem then physical pain won't help. They are too young to actually make any kind of change long term and using something like a spanking really only immediately corrects the problem the same way any other method would. If the child is old enough to actually understand the punishment 15 or so minutes later, then what's the downside besides missing the immediate satisfaction?
Someone else brought this up and I'm curious if anyone has found anything yet. Where is the evidence that corporal punishment is effective as a method of teaching children? PI'm guessing that might be hard to find because it might not exist.