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Post Your Family Thanksgiving Meltdowns HERE!!!! (1 Viewer)

My 17 year old cousin #### himself badly at the dinner table and went the entire evening without cleaning himself. Everyone coukd smell it all evening but no one said anything. 

 
matuski said:
I totally forgot how this trip kicked off.

3 hours into the 6 hour drive they call and ask if we can pay their Direct TV bill so I can watch football.  Very thoughtful of them.  My wife calls DTV, looks sideways at me and gives them a CC#.

$264.34     :wall:
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And you didn't IMMEDIATELY make a U-turn?

 
Wife and I went to my aunt's house who I hadn't seen in about 7 years. During dinner my 17yo cousin announces she's practicing to be a stripper as soon as she turns 18 in 3 months. It was one of those moments you just can't play off as normal no matter how hard you try. I just said "Oh....wow....". My wife looked 90% shocked/horrified but 10% amused, which I knew was because she can't wait to tell the story. She would've loved to text someone right then and there.

So we're done eating and it's halftime of the Dallas game. Cousin walks into the living room wearing an uncomfortably skimpy outfit, carrying a pole which she then installs in the middle of the room and turns on "Toxic" by Britney Spears. Oh god, please, no....

The routine was not great. Not just because she's my cousin and this shouldn't be happening, but she just wasn't good. I think she may have been limited by the fact that she's ####### 8 months pregnant. :mellow:  

So yeah, not a great Thanksgiving.

 
McGarnicle said:
Wife and I went to my aunt's house who I hadn't seen in about 7 years. During dinner my 17yo cousin announces she's practicing to be a stripper as soon as she turns 18 in 3 months. It was one of those moments you just can't play off as normal no matter how hard you try. I just said "Oh....wow....". My wife looked 90% shocked/horrified but 10% amused, which I knew was because she can't wait to tell the story. She would've loved to text someone right then and there.

So we're done eating and it's halftime of the Dallas game. Cousin walks into the living room wearing an uncomfortably skimpy outfit, carrying a pole which she then installs in the middle of the room and turns on "Toxic" by Britney Spears. Oh god, please, no....

The routine was not great. Not just because she's my cousin and this shouldn't be happening, but she just wasn't good. I think she may have been limited by the fact that she's ####### 8 months pregnant. :mellow:  

So yeah, not a great Thanksgiving.
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I was all about :pics:  until the end there, gb. 

Oh my.

 
Koya said:
Nothing on par with some of the race-bait shenanigans listed above, but I knew I was in for a less than traditional thanksgiving when, as of early evening Wednesday, my wife's best friend had not yet let us know if she and her family would join us. Now that wouldn't usually be a big deal... except she, her husband and their two kids were our entire Thanksgiving plan. Oh, and they drive from Chicago to NY to join us. 

Apparently, her friend and one of their daughters had a cold, which is no big deal - but have the decency to, you know, let us know if we need to buy a couple hundred dollars of food for their visit and all, since otherwise it's just me and the wife.

ANYHOO, we finally get confirmation that they won't indeed be joining us... so wife goes shopping for our intimate thanksgiving at 7:30am before stores get crazy with any last minute folks... by the time I wake up at 9, groceries already in the fridge/set up for cooking.

The plan was to make some breakfast and then have an early 4PM dinner... BUT wife begins downing shots cause she's pissy about her best friend not coming by.  Did I mention it's 9:30am?  By noon, I'm good and tipsy, she's ####### wasted.  Actually a perfect plan, she will pass out, and then I can watch the early game uninterrupted.

Plan working perfectly, though timing gets delayed. She wakes up at 3, stumbles around and gets to cooking.  Like a good wife should. 

But harboring anger she still does.  Still pissy about friend, it's time for more shots.  Plead as I may so she doesn't get too wasted, she gets too wasted.  SO, about 1/4 through dinner, with turkey breast (made no sense to go full bird), stuffing, mac n cheese and brussel sprouts in the oven already cooking I hear things go smashy smashy.  Rushing in to see what happened, wife is dangerously and drunkenly hovering over the oven with stuffing dumped everywhere... the floor, the door of the oven which is pulled open, it's a ####### disaster... and more importantly a safety hazard.

Grab wifey and redirect her into the living room, convincing her to lay on the chaise/daybed in return for her taking another shot.  Basically, at this point best bet was to get her two more shots and passed out, because she was heading there anyway and any additional time sober would mean more broken stuff, mostly my hopes and dreams of a nice relaxing couple's thanksgiving.

SO, all the food already started - other than the stuffing which was started and dumped - is already going.  Don't want to wasted it, so like an episode of top chef where they do the "hand off" cooking relays, I have to figure out where everything is and finish it.  Turns out, other than the turkey and mac and cheese, I had work to do.  She was too drunk to properly season the sprouts, so I had to whip up some bacon and add seasoning, and basically had to do stuffing from scratch... a total first.

Ended up having to pay a good amount of attention to the cooking, including basting the turkey breast and doing some random improve things to get things up to spice.  Come 6:30, she's still out cold, and Thanksgiving with her friend and family was down to Koya's thankgiving solitude.  Honestly, other than worrying that my wife was going to end up in the hospital cooking while wasted, was actually a decent day... first day I've watched two plus games of football uninterrupted (other than cooking) all year.

As you noticed, I made it through 2.5 football games... wifey woke up (I wouldn't call it conciousness, however) at somepoint around 9 or so, and I had caught up on the drinking in the meantime.  Passed out soon thereafter myself, hence being awake at 4:30 am.
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Wait, your wife isn't even pregnant?  

 
McGarnicle said:
Wife and I went to my aunt's house who I hadn't seen in about 7 years. During dinner my 17yo cousin announces she's practicing to be a stripper as soon as she turns 18 in 3 months. It was one of those moments you just can't play off as normal no matter how hard you try. I just said "Oh....wow....". My wife looked 90% shocked/horrified but 10% amused, which I knew was because she can't wait to tell the story. She would've loved to text someone right then and there.

So we're done eating and it's halftime of the Dallas game. Cousin walks into the living room wearing an uncomfortably skimpy outfit, carrying a pole which she then installs in the middle of the room and turns on "Toxic" by Britney Spears. Oh god, please, no....

The routine was not great. Not just because she's my cousin and this shouldn't be happening, but she just wasn't good. I think she may have been limited by the fact that she's ####### 8 months pregnant. :mellow:  

So yeah, not a great Thanksgiving.




 
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Oh my, that's horrible!

The song Toxic? Really?

 
I avoided this thread for a few days, but I am so f-ing bored at work today that I just needed something to read.

I regret that decision, but at least I now understand why so many of you find solace in the FBG community because ya'll got some majorly f'ed up families.

Oh, and :bs:  on a few of these.

 
Henry Ford said:
My racist family is all getting together again.  Except the San Francisco liberal cousin (youngest male of the cousins) is finally getting married this weekend (to a woman, to everyone's surprise) as well, so Thanksgiving consists of:

1. Me, wife

2. My dad/stepmom

3. Stepmom's family which is even more racist than she is

4. Dad's family which is slightly less racist but uses the n word in casual conversation

5. Cousin who is super liberal

6. Cousin's fiancée no one has met before

7. Fiancee's family

8. Cousin and fiancée's friends from San Francisco

I'm sure everything will be fine. Oh, and fiancée and her family are black.
Click to expand...
Well?  How'd it go?

 
I thought I had a messed up family until I read this thread and realized I'm actually a 1%er by comparison. 

 
Two years ago my nephew ##### in the stuffing, mixed it up and served it. Needless to say, my uncle loved it and had three helpings of it. At the end of the night, when everyone was drunk, my nephew told everyone what he had done. Needless to say there was lots of vomit to clean up the next morning...

 
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Not a meltdown but I put on Eddie The Eagle on HBO to watch with family visiting including my 83 year old mom. While a scene that included Eddie and the Norway team in a sauna was playing my mom angrily blurts out she didn't want to watch any porn. I now have a new code word with my wife when I ask if she wants to watch Eddie the Eagle 

 
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Mrs MOP was in full PMS(pamper me somebody) with her mom staying at our house on Turkey Day...I had Uber on speed dial in case I needed to flee. I keep an emergency kit on hand with an extra set of house keys and piggy bank cash in case I need to make a quick escape. 

 
I watched Eddie the Eagle for the first time this weekend.  It was solid.  I don't like heights so I couldn't imagine jumping the 90.

 
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