Threat against my son - am I wrong to be freaking out? (1 Viewer)

[Evilgrin 72]

Yeah, not a fan of the fighting suggestion. Your kid runs track, you should teach him to run the #### away if this kid gets violent.

Man. I didn't grow up in a "tough" neighborhood, but I did go to a racially mixed HS and dealt with my fair share of confrontation, and doing this would have labeled you as a complete doughnut for the rest of your childhood. The world has truly changed.

I was a white kid who was the minority in my schools until tenth grade. And I never backed down from a fight. But today is not 40 years ago. What we used to settle in a few minutes of scuffling after school or when we got off the bus does escalate today into something way more violent all too often. And we have had several kid killers lately who were just mad at someone so they shot them. It isn't always the bullied.

There are no absolutes, but looking at Cho, Holmes, Lanza, Diebold, etc... seems these kids were outsiders and not bullies who finally had someone fight back. I think people are so scared of these mass shootings now that they want to keep their children in a cocoon, which is understandable, but dangerous. Kids are growing up with a false sense of security and a corresponding sense of entitlement.

Again, I'm certainly not saying BB should give his kid a 2 x 4 and tell him to go all Hacksaw Jim Duggan on Greg. I'm just saying that IF the school isn't going to help out, his son's best long-term solution to this problem, and to dealing with the hard knocks of life, may be to stand up for himself rather than turn tail and run away.

 

[Kumerica]

Didn't notice it mentioned, but after you talk to any and all school officials, the deadbeat teacher, etc., make sure you talk to the track coach and ensure that he understands all of this—that Greg punched your son (and others) in the face, has made threats online and verbally, etc.

 

[jonessed]

It seems like a handful of established parents could get him kicked out. I would work on getting a group together. That's one of the benefits of a private school. You might as well use it.

It might be worth taking a closer look at the teacher as well.

 

[sbonomo]

Am i the only person that thinks we are missing part of the story? When i was in school 25 years ago there was a zero tolerance policy for fighting. Any fight, regardless of the aggressor, ended up in suspensions for both parties. How could this kid get into two separate fights and have nothing happen in today's world? Further, given the fact that this is a private environment, i am having a hard time believing that the teacher has done nothing. Seems like that would be grounds for termination. Maybe i live on another planet.

 

[Bigboy10182000]

You have made the school aware. I would follow up with up daily, both in writing ( email) and verbally over the phone until they have an acceptable solution including Greg not be allowed to participate on the track team, suspended, expelled etc.. Next time Greg acts up and hits a kid, sounds like someone ought to let the school know rather than assuming they know. It also wouldn't be a bad idea for your son and his buddies to kick this kids ### - which is what it sounds like this kid needs on at least some level.

You were in the right and the bolded is necessary

 

[NCCommish]

Yeah, not a fan of the fighting suggestion. Your kid runs track, you should teach him to run the #### away if this kid gets violent.

Man. I didn't grow up in a "tough" neighborhood, but I did go to a racially mixed HS and dealt with my fair share of confrontation, and doing this would have labeled you as a complete doughnut for the rest of your childhood. The world has truly changed.

I was a white kid who was the minority in my schools until tenth grade. And I never backed down from a fight. But today is not 40 years ago. What we used to settle in a few minutes of scuffling after school or when we got off the bus does escalate today into something way more violent all too often. And we have had several kid killers lately who were just mad at someone so they shot them. It isn't always the bullied.

There are no absolutes, but looking at Cho, Holmes, Lanza, Diebold, etc... seems these kids were outsiders and not bullies who finally had someone fight back. I think people are so scared of these mass shootings now that they want to keep their children in a cocoon, which is understandable, but dangerous. Kids are growing up with a false sense of security and a corresponding sense of entitlement.

Again, I'm certainly not saying BB should give his kid a 2 x 4 and tell him to go all Hacksaw Jim Duggan on Greg. I'm just saying that IF the school isn't going to help out, his son's best long-term solution to this problem, and to dealing with the hard knocks of life, may be to stand up for himself rather than turn tail and run away.

I'm not talking walking into a theater and shooting it up. I am talking walking up to your target and shooting them. Like Nehemiah Griego for example. He was annoyed with his parents and siblings so he shot them all.

 

[T Bell]

You are not wrong at all. What to do is a harder question, especially since your son's teacher seems to be asleep at the wheel.

Agreed.

I think your son's teacher is an idiot. I'd look for some support from the other parents to ensure this is taken seriously by the school if they don't act immediately. It should never have gotten this far.

 

[jamny]

Yeah, not a fan of the fighting suggestion. Your kid runs track, you should teach him to run the #### away if this kid gets violent.

Man. I didn't grow up in a "tough" neighborhood, but I did go to a racially mixed HS and dealt with my fair share of confrontation, and doing this would have labeled you as a complete doughnut for the rest of your childhood. The world has truly changed.

I was a white kid who was the minority in my schools until tenth grade. And I never backed down from a fight. But today is not 40 years ago. What we used to settle in a few minutes of scuffling after school or when we got off the bus does escalate today into something way more violent all too often. And we have had several kid killers lately who were just mad at someone so they shot them. It isn't always the bullied.

There are no absolutes, but looking at Cho, Holmes, Lanza, Diebold, etc... seems these kids were outsiders and not bullies who finally had someone fight back. I think people are so scared of these mass shootings now that they want to keep their children in a cocoon, which is understandable, but dangerous. Kids are growing up with a false sense of security and a corresponding sense of entitlement.

Again, I'm certainly not saying BB should give his kid a 2 x 4 and tell him to go all Hacksaw Jim Duggan on Greg. I'm just saying that IF the school isn't going to help out, his son's best long-term solution to this problem, and to dealing with the hard knocks of life, may be to stand up for himself rather than turn tail and run away.

I'm not talking walking into a theater and shooting it up. I am talking walking up to your target and shooting them. Like Nehemiah Griego for example. He was annoyed with his parents and siblings so he shot them all.

Yeah, how many one-on-one shooting do we not hear about. It's not always about mass killings. This kid Greg seems to focus on one kid at a time to blame his problems on. And not saying it'll be a gun either, although he seems to be a fan.

 

[glock]

Just want to weigh in on the side of, "no-you are not wrong for freaking out- and you haven't!"

Stay on top of them. These 24 hours should be real telling with regards to the school's position. GL.

 

[Andy Dufresne]

This last resort is always available - "I bet there's a reporter around here that would be interested in finding out that our schools aren't that interested in handling bullying situations."

 

[Limp Ditka]

And your son shouldn't go to the track meets or practices if Greg is on the team.

Pretty sure Greg's the one that shouldn't be going to track meets or practices.

 

[B-Deep]

This last resort is always available - "I bet there's a reporter around here that would be interested in finding out that our schools aren't that interested in handling bullying situations."

drop a sandy hook reference in there and the school will have to change their pants they'll be so scared

 

[Dinsy Ejotuz]

With respect to the two incidents where he punched his classmates, the teacher was notified, but he did not receive detention or any other punishment that we're aware of. Most of the other behavior goes unreported, in part because of the intimidation factor.

So yesterday is when things got escalated. He stated to a couple of kids in the class: "If it were legal, I'd strangle [my son's name] and kill him." The kids he said this to were freaked out. They told a couple other kids in the class and then one of them went to the teacher to report the threatening statement. The kids said that the teacher confronted Greg, he denied it, and then turned around and dropped the F-bomb. Later that day, Greg confronted the kid who reported him and got in his face with fists clenched, threatening him for being a tattle tale. As far as we are aware, Greg did not receive detention or any other punishment for making the threat.

Apparently, a number of the students in my son's class had gone home and reported the day's events to their parents. Obviously my wife was freaked out, and the parents she spoke to are freaked out as well, because it is common knowledge that this kid has issues. What floors me is that we were notified of the threat against our child not by the school, but by other parents in the class.

I'd be shocked if you don't get satisfaction from the school now that you've made them aware of things.

 

[gianmarco]

If anything, I think you're under-reacting. I would be at that school at this very moment. I would not leave until either the kid is permanently removed from the school, or I'm walking my kid out of there TODAY. And or course, the police would be involved as well.

This.

This isn't something I'd wait around for. This is an emergent situation based on the recent turn of events and needs to be address IMMEDIATELY. I'd keep him home from school until it's resolved as well. I'm shocked the teacher has done nothing about this so far and I would make sure that portion of this situation gets addressed as well. I'm not normally one to try and get others in trouble, but this is way beyond a late night manager not giving you some swedish fish for a couple bucks off. The teacher has clearly failed your son and others in the class.

 

[bigbottom]

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful replies. Not even a single devil's advocate thus far. The administration said that they would be investigating the matter today, and I suspect that we will be speaking with them later today about it. I just fired off an email to state that I would like them to speak with us after they've looked into the situation, but before they make a decision about what action to take. Although I made no express ultimatum, I did indicate that we were concerned for my son's safety and would not be comfortable with him attending a school with a boy who is making death threats and who has an affinity for guns and possible access to them. Reading between the lines, it was an ultimatum of sorts I guess.

I have no idea what this kid's history was in past schools, just that there is one. I'm sure that will inform the school's decision on this as well.

Yes, the teacher dropped the ball big time. She may have spoken directly with Greg's mother about these incidents, but school administration was never involved, which is a major problem. She's a good teacher and a nice person, but I think she excersized poor judgment here.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

It's a private school right? Which means you are paying for it? Tell them to expel him or you pack your bags and go to another school and convince many other parents to do the same.

This.

You're paying good money for this school...for a reason. This is

 

[Foosball God]

you need to get on xbox and talk to this kid. scared straight. then deny deny deny

Yeah because none of that conversation would be stored anywhere. Write anything on digital media that you won't want coming back to harm you some day. It's amazing how many people don't realize this.

Have you thought about talking to Greg's mother yourself?

 

[Phil Elliott]

In such a small private school I find it hard to believe the principal/headmaster/administrator isn't aware of "Greg's" demeanor and actions. If he truly is unware of "Greg" maybe he should be replaced. This is his job and he should know whats going on. You need to stay on top of this or they will assume you think it has been taken care of. I would go attend as many school events (ie: track or others) that your son is involved in as possible.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

Again, I'm certainly not saying BB should give his kid a 2 x 4 and tell him to go all Hacksaw Jim Duggan on Greg. I'm just saying that IF the school isn't going to help out, his son's best long-term solution to this problem, and to dealing with the hard knocks of life, may be to stand up for himself rather than turn tail and run away.

I've seen photos of biggie's kid. He's better off being the good looking boy that runs than the kid with the ####ed up face because he got punched. He's already got some 10-year old chick that wants a piece of him, in a few years hopefully Greg will be just a memory and he can focus full time on chasing the muff around.

 

[Ghost Rider]

You definitely should be concerned, and it certainly sounds like the teacher dropped the ball in not reporting this to the principal and others above her. It sounds like you are handling this in the best way possible. Good luck.

 

[Ramsay Hunt Experience]

It's a private school right? Which means you are paying for it? Tell them to expel him or you pack your bags and go to another school and convince many other parents to do the same.

This.

You're paying good money for this school...for a reason. This is

And that reason is . . . bagpipes.

 

[Ghost Rider]

Again, I'm certainly not saying BB should give his kid a 2 x 4 and tell him to go all Hacksaw Jim Duggan on Greg. I'm just saying that IF the school isn't going to help out, his son's best long-term solution to this problem, and to dealing with the hard knocks of life, may be to stand up for himself rather than turn tail and run away.

I've seen photos of biggie's kid. He's better off being the good looking boy that runs than the kid with the ####ed up face because he got punched. He's already got some 10-year old chick that wants a piece of him, in a few years hopefully Greg will be just a memory and he can focus full time on chasing the muff around.

Agreed. Considering how big the OP said Greg is, there is no point in getting your ### kicked just so you can say you manned up. He is 10, FFS.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful replies. Not even a single devil's advocate thus far. The administration said that they would be investigating the matter today, and I suspect that we will be speaking with them later today about it. I just fired off an email to state that I would like them to speak with us after they've looked into the situation, but before they make a decision about what action to take. Although I made no express ultimatum, I did indicate that we were concerned for my son's safety and would not be comfortable with him attending a school with a boy who is making death threats and who has an affinity for guns and possible access to them. Reading between the lines, it was an ultimatum of sorts I guess.

I have no idea what this kid's history was in past schools, just that there is one. I'm sure that will inform the school's decision on this as well.

Yes, the teacher dropped the ball big time. She may have spoken directly with Greg's mother about these incidents, but school administration was never involved, which is a major problem. She's a good teacher and a nice person, but I think she excersized poor judgment here.

Yikes. Greg should beat you senseless for that.

 

[Bull Dozier]

You had better hope that they punt this kid out of school otherwise your son is probably in for it even worse if Greg finds out you guys spoke to administration.

Your son should probably try talking to Greg and befriending him. If that doesn't work, he should fight back, whether or not Greg is bigger and stronger. Teach your son to strike first, strike hard, and no mercy, sir. Get him right on the button of his nose. No matter how big he is, that's going to put him on his ### more often than not. Usually, bullies back off once they've tasted their own medicine.

Of course, if the kid is a legit maniac, that's a whole other ball game. If things continue to escalate, threaten to pull your son from school if they don't kick Greg out. Sounds like the kid belongs in a different school anyway.

Could not disagree more with this post. If Greg is bigger and stronger in 5th grade, the typical 5th graders punch to the nose is not going to phase him if he has anger issues.

BB, keep on the administration. It is fair since you've had the conversation to give them a chance to act. However, if there is another incident without consequences, you definitely should go back and clearly lay out your expectations and let them know what you intend to do if they don't meet your expectations. Once you start to show acceptance of their lack of action, its only going to continue.

If no one else is going to do anything, sometimes you have to do for yourself. It's not a bad lesson to learn early on that there's not always a white knight to ride in and save you. I was bullied by a bigger, stronger kid when I was that age until I realized no one was coming to my rescue and I was forced to fight back. I blew up his nose after getting off the bus one day and the kid never bothered me again in his life.

I'm not saying send him off today to fight, but if no one seems to be anxious to solve the problem, sometimes you have to stand up for yourself.

I think our respective opinion is colored by our own personal experiences. I also was bullied. It began in the 7th grade (my older brother was bullied briefly by this guys older brother, so it was a family business). I found myself walking home one day and this guy and his cronies follows me. I'm in a bad mood, so I take a stand and fight him. I get the first two shots in, an unfazed, he proceeds to kick my ###. (Unknown to me was the fact that he boxed at the golden gloves gym in my neighborhood). I was then bullied until 10th grade when I was finally bigger than him and stood up to him again. As the typical bully, he backed down without a fight at that point, but the lesson was learned for me. Yes, standing up to a bully is often a good way to get them to stop. However, if you are out numbered, or outsized (as appears to be the case here), it's not nearly as effective. I wouldn't suggest it to anyone.

It is one of the few aspects of the "wusification of America" that I actually endorse. I'm not a big fan of letting 10, 11, 12 year old kids who are all at different stages of physical development left to their own devises to run a "Lord of the Flies" environment on the playground. No middle school kid, behind everyone else in physical development (not saying that is the case here with BBs son, but in general) should have to suffer because "you need to learn to take your lumps."

I'd take that opportunity in an instant to stand up for my kid. Are others going to think he's a wuss because he didn't fight his own fight? I don't really care. I really haven't found myself in any physical altercations since my last run in with my bully, so I'm far more concerned that my son knows I have his back, than he knows how to take a punch.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

Again, I'm certainly not saying BB should give his kid a 2 x 4 and tell him to go all Hacksaw Jim Duggan on Greg. I'm just saying that IF the school isn't going to help out, his son's best long-term solution to this problem, and to dealing with the hard knocks of life, may be to stand up for himself rather than turn tail and run away.

I've seen photos of biggie's kid. He's better off being the good looking boy that runs than the kid with the ####ed up face because he got punched. He's already got some 10-year old chick that wants a piece of him, in a few years hopefully Greg will be just a memory and he can focus full time on chasing the muff around.

 

[Christo]

Screw the school. I'd notify the police.

 

[Ramsay Hunt Experience]

I'm pretty sure Cruiser would have you teach your kid the choke and punch just in case.

 

[The Football Freak]

Yeah, this is a hill to die on. From your postings here, you seem like a very reasoned and balanced dude, but you certainly should freak out. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I had a similar situation with my little girl, and it sucks when you are just stressing about what is going on at school while you are working, especially with a teacher who seems to be ignoring the glaring issue. Good luck. Hopefully, the kid is kicked out, and your son can breathe a little easier.

 

[bigbottom]

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful replies. Not even a single devil's advocate thus far. The administration said that they would be investigating the matter today, and I suspect that we will be speaking with them later today about it. I just fired off an email to state that I would like them to speak with us after they've looked into the situation, but before they make a decision about what action to take. Although I made no express ultimatum, I did indicate that we were concerned for my son's safety and would not be comfortable with him attending a school with a boy who is making death threats and who has an affinity for guns and possible access to them. Reading between the lines, it was an ultimatum of sorts I guess.

I have no idea what this kid's history was in past schools, just that there is one. I'm sure that will inform the school's decision on this as well.

Yes, the teacher dropped the ball big time. She may have spoken directly with Greg's mother about these incidents, but school administration was never involved, which is a major problem. She's a good teacher and a nice person, but I think she excersized poor judgment here.

Yikes. Greg should beat you senseless for that.

I already said in the OP that I'm not proofreading!11!!!

 

[Evilgrin 72]

Again, I'm certainly not saying BB should give his kid a 2 x 4 and tell him to go all Hacksaw Jim Duggan on Greg. I'm just saying that IF the school isn't going to help out, his son's best long-term solution to this problem, and to dealing with the hard knocks of life, may be to stand up for himself rather than turn tail and run away.

I've seen photos of biggie's kid. He's better off being the good looking boy that runs than the kid with the ####ed up face because he got punched. He's already got some 10-year old chick that wants a piece of him, in a few years hopefully Greg will be just a memory and he can focus full time on chasing the muff around.

Agreed. Considering how big the OP said Greg is, there is no point in getting your ### kicked just so you can say you manned up. He is 10, FFS.

It's not a matter of being able to "say you manned up." It's about letting Greg and anyone else know that they're not going to be able to jack you up and take your lunch money whenever someone's low on funds (metaphorically.) If you don't stand up for yourself, you're viewed as a mark. This is a life lesson, not just one that applies in the lunchroom or on the playground.

 

[Buckfast 1]

Besides, it sounds like Greg needs help. You're doing the kid a favor by running this up the flagpole. Sounds like he needs therapy and/or medication.

This is my initial thought too. You need to let the school know, both to protect your son and to help Greg. No 10 year old is naturally like that. I'd bet a large sum of money Greg is suffering some sort of abuse himself and needs help.

Yeah, I'm willing to bet that Greg's dad happens to be an abusive, swearing, gun-maniac ####### himself, considering that the parents are divorced and the mom seems pretty nice herself. I imagine that the mom likely has issues controlling Greg on her own. The school needs to initiate serious discussions with the parents about the kid's behavior at school. I hope your meeting with the school helps set that in motion.

 

[GroveDiesel]

I would be surprised if this isn't handled quickly. Would also be surprised if that teacher is back next year.

And I don't care how "nice" the mom seems, anyone that takes their kid to a gun range for their birthday party when the kid has a "history" at other schools is either the source of the problem or an enabler. I guarantee the kid is there because of similar incidents at public school That got him kicked out. And rather than get the kid real help, the mom thinks sending him to a private school will magically solve the problems.

You are 100% in the right. Kudos for being a good dad.

 

[charvik]

Sorry to hear BB. I would appreciate a PM on what school this is, since I am looking into options for my kids as well.

 

[Andy Dufresne]

It's not a matter of being able to "say you manned up." It's about letting Greg and anyone else know that they're not going to be able to jack you up and take your lunch money whenever someone's low on funds (metaphorically.) If you don't stand up for yourself, you're viewed as a mark. This is a life lesson, not just one that applies in the lunchroom or on the playground.

Sorry, man. You're on the wrong end with this one.

 

[Ghost Rider]

Again, I'm certainly not saying BB should give his kid a 2 x 4 and tell him to go all Hacksaw Jim Duggan on Greg. I'm just saying that IF the school isn't going to help out, his son's best long-term solution to this problem, and to dealing with the hard knocks of life, may be to stand up for himself rather than turn tail and run away.

I've seen photos of biggie's kid. He's better off being the good looking boy that runs than the kid with the ####ed up face because he got punched. He's already got some 10-year old chick that wants a piece of him, in a few years hopefully Greg will be just a memory and he can focus full time on chasing the muff around.

Agreed. Considering how big the OP said Greg is, there is no point in getting your ### kicked just so you can say you manned up. He is 10, FFS.

It's not a matter of being able to "say you manned up." It's about letting Greg and anyone else know that they're not going to be able to jack you up and take your lunch money whenever someone's low on funds (metaphorically.) If you don't stand up for yourself, you're viewed as a mark. This is a life lesson, not just one that applies in the lunchroom or on the playground.

I understand that, but you have to pick your battles in life, and a 10-year old picking this battle with a much bigger kid who apparently has major anger issues is not a good idea; better to let his parents fight this battle, rather than fight a fight you are almost guaranteed to lose.

 

[gianmarco]

Screw the school. I'd notify the police.

This goes beyond what the school decides to do. What's to stop Greg from doing something outside of school, especially considering it involves a girl and he seems so focused on your son.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

You had better hope that they punt this kid out of school otherwise your son is probably in for it even worse if Greg finds out you guys spoke to administration.

Your son should probably try talking to Greg and befriending him. If that doesn't work, he should fight back, whether or not Greg is bigger and stronger. Teach your son to strike first, strike hard, and no mercy, sir. Get him right on the button of his nose. No matter how big he is, that's going to put him on his ### more often than not. Usually, bullies back off once they've tasted their own medicine.

Of course, if the kid is a legit maniac, that's a whole other ball game. If things continue to escalate, threaten to pull your son from school if they don't kick Greg out. Sounds like the kid belongs in a different school anyway.

Could not disagree more with this post. If Greg is bigger and stronger in 5th grade, the typical 5th graders punch to the nose is not going to phase him if he has anger issues.

BB, keep on the administration. It is fair since you've had the conversation to give them a chance to act. However, if there is another incident without consequences, you definitely should go back and clearly lay out your expectations and let them know what you intend to do if they don't meet your expectations. Once you start to show acceptance of their lack of action, its only going to continue.

If no one else is going to do anything, sometimes you have to do for yourself. It's not a bad lesson to learn early on that there's not always a white knight to ride in and save you. I was bullied by a bigger, stronger kid when I was that age until I realized no one was coming to my rescue and I was forced to fight back. I blew up his nose after getting off the bus one day and the kid never bothered me again in his life.

I'm not saying send him off today to fight, but if no one seems to be anxious to solve the problem, sometimes you have to stand up for yourself.

I think our respective opinion is colored by our own personal experiences. I also was bullied. It began in the 7th grade (my older brother was bullied briefly by this guys older brother, so it was a family business). I found myself walking home one day and this guy and his cronies follows me. I'm in a bad mood, so I take a stand and fight him. I get the first two shots in, an unfazed, he proceeds to kick my ###. (Unknown to me was the fact that he boxed at the golden gloves gym in my neighborhood). I was then bullied until 10th grade when I was finally bigger than him and stood up to him again. As the typical bully, he backed down without a fight at that point, but the lesson was learned for me. Yes, standing up to a bully is often a good way to get them to stop. However, if you are out numbered, or outsized (as appears to be the case here), it's not nearly as effective. I wouldn't suggest it to anyone.

It is one of the few aspects of the "wusification of America" that I actually endorse. I'm not a big fan of letting 10, 11, 12 year old kids who are all at different stages of physical development left to their own devises to run a "Lord of the Flies" environment on the playground. No middle school kid, behind everyone else in physical development (not saying that is the case here with BBs son, but in general) should have to suffer because "you need to learn to take your lumps."

I'd take that opportunity in an instant to stand up for my kid. Are others going to think he's a wuss because he didn't fight his own fight? I don't really care. I really haven't found myself in any physical altercations since my last run in with my bully, so I'm far more concerned that my son knows I have his back, than he knows how to take a punch.

Again, it's not a matter of learning to take lumps, it's a matter of showing a bully you're not going to back down. if I was you and got my tuchus kicked, and the guy bullied me again the next day, I'd have showed up the following day with a sock full of quarters.

In my experience, people will take advantage of you exactly as much as you allow. If you continuously fight back, eventually they move on to another target.

 

[Ghost Rider]

Again, it's not a matter of learning to take lumps, it's a matter of showing a bully you're not going to back down. if I was you and got my tuchus kicked, and the guy bullied me again the next day, I'd have showed up the following day with a sock full of quarters.

In my experience, people will take advantage of you exactly as much as you allow. If you continuously fight back, eventually they move on to another target.

That's easy for you, and adult, to say, but if a 10-year old gets his ### kicked once, it is likely to scare him and make him even more fearful of the bully, and then the situation will only get worse.

 

[Ramsay Hunt Experience]

Even assuming Littlebottom could kick Greg's ###, it's unlikely to be effective. Standing up for yourself is useful when confronting bullies who use some form of intimidation to enforce their position at the top of a social and power structure. Because losing a fight causes them to lose face, it's a serious deterrent to that type of bully.

Greg isn't that type of bully. He has no social status. Everyone already hates him and thinks he's a gigantic spazz. Embarrassing him in a beat down is just likely to make him worse. To make him feel more of an outcast. In Greg's mind, he's the victim. He probably thinks he's being bullied and picked on.

 

[Ghost Rider]

Even assuming Littlebottom could kick Greg's ###, it's unlikely to be effective. Standing up for yourself is useful when confronting bullies who use some form of intimidation to enforce their position at the top of a social and power structure. Because losing a fight causes them to lose face, it's a serious deterrent to that type of bully.

Greg isn't that type of bully. He has no social status. Everyone already hates him and thinks he's a gigantic spazz. Embarrassing him in a beat down is just likely to make him worse. To make him feel more of an outcast. In Greg's mind, he's the victim. He probably thinks he's being bullied and picked on.

Excellent post. Bullies like Greg, if you stand up to them and actually come out ahead, will only get more angry and go over the edge even more with their bullying and God only knows what else.

 

[Leeroy Jenkins]

I don't understand how the teacher did not contact you or the administration at all. Why wasn't he/she at the meeting?

 

[T Bell]

Again, it's not a matter of learning to take lumps, it's a matter of showing a bully you're not going to back down. if I was you and got my tuchus kicked, and the guy bullied me again the next day, I'd have showed up the following day with a sock full of quarters.

In my experience, people will take advantage of you exactly as much as you allow. If you continuously fight back, eventually they move on to another target.

That's easy for you, and adult, to say, but if a 10-year old gets his ### kicked once, it is likely to scare him and make him even more fearful of the bully, and then the situation will only get worse.

"Either return with this skateboard, or upon it."

 

[Bull Dozier]

You had better hope that they punt this kid out of school otherwise your son is probably in for it even worse if Greg finds out you guys spoke to administration.

Your son should probably try talking to Greg and befriending him. If that doesn't work, he should fight back, whether or not Greg is bigger and stronger. Teach your son to strike first, strike hard, and no mercy, sir. Get him right on the button of his nose. No matter how big he is, that's going to put him on his ### more often than not. Usually, bullies back off once they've tasted their own medicine.

Of course, if the kid is a legit maniac, that's a whole other ball game. If things continue to escalate, threaten to pull your son from school if they don't kick Greg out. Sounds like the kid belongs in a different school anyway.

Could not disagree more with this post. If Greg is bigger and stronger in 5th grade, the typical 5th graders punch to the nose is not going to phase him if he has anger issues.

BB, keep on the administration. It is fair since you've had the conversation to give them a chance to act. However, if there is another incident without consequences, you definitely should go back and clearly lay out your expectations and let them know what you intend to do if they don't meet your expectations. Once you start to show acceptance of their lack of action, its only going to continue.

If no one else is going to do anything, sometimes you have to do for yourself. It's not a bad lesson to learn early on that there's not always a white knight to ride in and save you. I was bullied by a bigger, stronger kid when I was that age until I realized no one was coming to my rescue and I was forced to fight back. I blew up his nose after getting off the bus one day and the kid never bothered me again in his life.

I'm not saying send him off today to fight, but if no one seems to be anxious to solve the problem, sometimes you have to stand up for yourself.

I think our respective opinion is colored by our own personal experiences. I also was bullied. It began in the 7th grade (my older brother was bullied briefly by this guys older brother, so it was a family business). I found myself walking home one day and this guy and his cronies follows me. I'm in a bad mood, so I take a stand and fight him. I get the first two shots in, an unfazed, he proceeds to kick my ###. (Unknown to me was the fact that he boxed at the golden gloves gym in my neighborhood). I was then bullied until 10th grade when I was finally bigger than him and stood up to him again. As the typical bully, he backed down without a fight at that point, but the lesson was learned for me. Yes, standing up to a bully is often a good way to get them to stop. However, if you are out numbered, or outsized (as appears to be the case here), it's not nearly as effective. I wouldn't suggest it to anyone.

It is one of the few aspects of the "wusification of America" that I actually endorse. I'm not a big fan of letting 10, 11, 12 year old kids who are all at different stages of physical development left to their own devises to run a "Lord of the Flies" environment on the playground. No middle school kid, behind everyone else in physical development (not saying that is the case here with BBs son, but in general) should have to suffer because "you need to learn to take your lumps."

I'd take that opportunity in an instant to stand up for my kid. Are others going to think he's a wuss because he didn't fight his own fight? I don't really care. I really haven't found myself in any physical altercations since my last run in with my bully, so I'm far more concerned that my son knows I have his back, than he knows how to take a punch.

Again, it's not a matter of learning to take lumps, it's a matter of showing a bully you're not going to back down. if I was you and got my tuchus kicked, and the guy bullied me again the next day, I'd have showed up the following day with a sock full of quarters.

In my experience, people will take advantage of you exactly as much as you allow. If you continuously fight back, eventually they move on to another target.

Ghost Rider said it much better, and more succinctly than I could:

I understand that, but you have to pick your battles in life, and a 10-year old picking this battle with a much bigger kid who apparently has major anger issues is not a good idea; better to let his parents fight this battle, rather than fight a fight you are almost guaranteed to lose.

If you don't see that, we'll have to agree to disagree. I have 9 and 11 year old boys and wouldn't sit by for a minute and let that happen to them.

 

[Limp Ditka]

Isn't MOP's supposed kid in Texas?

 

[Bigboy10182000]

This last resort is always available - "I bet there's a reporter around here that would be interested in finding out that our schools aren't that interested in handling bullying situations."

drop a sandy hook reference in there and the school will have to change their pants they'll be so scared

Bookmark these^^^

 

[T Bell]

Even assuming Littlebottom could kick Greg's ###, it's unlikely to be effective. Standing up for yourself is useful when confronting bullies who use some form of intimidation to enforce their position at the top of a social and power structure. Because losing a fight causes them to lose face, it's a serious deterrent to that type of bully.

Greg isn't that type of bully. He has no social status. Everyone already hates him and thinks he's a gigantic spazz. Embarrassing him in a beat down is just likely to make him worse. To make him feel more of an outcast. In Greg's mind, he's the victim. He probably thinks he's being bullied and picked on.

As a kid who got bullied before a big growth spurt, bullies don't even like to have someone resist. Being a bully isn't about "winning" a fight, it's about dominating someone psychologically. It's about control. They don't want to have to "prove" that control - they just want it to be there.

Even if you stand up for yourself and get beat down, you'll have shown the bully you're not an easy mark, and easy marks are what they're interested in.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

It's not a matter of being able to "say you manned up." It's about letting Greg and anyone else know that they're not going to be able to jack you up and take your lunch money whenever someone's low on funds (metaphorically.) If you don't stand up for yourself, you're viewed as a mark. This is a life lesson, not just one that applies in the lunchroom or on the playground.

Sorry, man. You're on the wrong end with this one.

I would argue that every situation is unique and that there isn't an absolute "right" and "wrong." In my own life, I could have gone on getting rocks thrown at me every day, getting my text books torn up and/or lit on fire, having my toys stolen and destroyed, etc. I put an end to it. For others, maybe the same approach wouldn't have been effective.

In this particular example, you have to realize that we're hearing one side of the story, and much of the information has been relayed by 10 year old kids. Thus far, the school has not acted. If they do (and they should) - wonderful, problem solved. If they DON'T, however, I'm simply saying standing up for oneself more often than not trumps running away from one's problems. The bullies of the world usually choose Timmy Lupus to pick on, not Tanner Boyle.

 

[Evilgrin 72]

Again, it's not a matter of learning to take lumps, it's a matter of showing a bully you're not going to back down. if I was you and got my tuchus kicked, and the guy bullied me again the next day, I'd have showed up the following day with a sock full of quarters.

In my experience, people will take advantage of you exactly as much as you allow. If you continuously fight back, eventually they move on to another target.

That's easy for you, and adult, to say, but if a 10-year old gets his ### kicked once, it is likely to scare him and make him even more fearful of the bully, and then the situation will only get worse.

I'm an adult now, but when I dealt with similar situations, I was 10 years old. I actually found the opposite to be true, I was WAY more afraid of being punched or having my "### kicked" BEFORE it actually happened than afterward. Afterward, I found that a punch in the jaw from another 10 year old was preferable to running in fear every day of my life.

 

[timschochet]

I think Ramsey Hunt has it right. Doesn't sound like this kid is a bully; it sounds like he's a sociopath. That's a whole other ball of wax. Bullies you can stand up to. Sociopaths- who the #### knows what they might do? Just stay out of their way, if possible.

I have no idea what I would do in this situation if I were BigBottom, but I would not encourage my kid to "stand up to the bully".

 

[T Bell]

Again, it's not a matter of learning to take lumps, it's a matter of showing a bully you're not going to back down. if I was you and got my tuchus kicked, and the guy bullied me again the next day, I'd have showed up the following day with a sock full of quarters.

In my experience, people will take advantage of you exactly as much as you allow. If you continuously fight back, eventually they move on to another target.

That's easy for you, and adult, to say, but if a 10-year old gets his ### kicked once, it is likely to scare him and make him even more fearful of the bully, and then the situation will only get worse.

I'm an adult now, but when I dealt with similar situations, I was 10 years old. I actually found the opposite to be true, I was WAY more afraid of being punched or having my "### kicked" BEFORE it actually happened than afterward. Afterward, I found that a punch in the jaw from another 10 year old was preferable to running in fear every day of my life.

My son's too young to have this conversation with, but at some point I'm going to tell him that while he'd better not start any fights and I'd better never hear of him bullying someone, if someone else starts a fight with him then he's allowed to defend himself and hit back until the other guy isn't threatening him anymore, and I'll defend his right to do that in his principal's office.

This has nothing to do with "manning up" or any other nonsense. It just has to do with understanding that your worth as a human being entitles you to defend yourself rather than running to some authority figure who may or may not respond appropriately, on time, or at all.