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Trouble getting pregnant? (2 Viewers)

Embryo came out not looking so good. Transfer rescheduled for tomorrow morning to see if, hopefully, the embryo improves/thaws better or something.

 
will maintain crossed digits until tomorrow.

at least you have a stress free evening ahead of you.

ugh. best of you luck to you both, woz.

 
Embryo didn't make it. Wife never even stepped into the doctor's office today and just got a phone call in the early morning. Which is doubly painful considering my wife's lining was described by the doctor as perfect. I learned right before doing a trial where two parents pitted their ten year old daughter against each other for six hours. Dealt with more people's problems for another six.

Wife and mother in law headed right to Disneyland to forget about everything. Thankfully she seems to be doing okay. I never told her that, when we got four good embryos initially, that our odds of success were greater than 96%. It'd kill her. For me, it just feels like like I got felted in the WSOP after flopping top set and getting called, and losing to, somebody with three to a flush. About 25k spent, along with a year of emotional strain, and we're walking away with absolutely nothing. Almost numbing.

I did find it strange that the doctor wants to show us pictures of the embryo.

 
That is incredibly sad Woz. I know how crushed you and your wife may be.

I know this is too soon but I will throw it out there anyway. Not sure what you going to consider next but if you are going to give IVF another try you may want to give a different doctor a try. It has nothing to do with how good your current doctor is but sometime a change can help the process. Every doctor does things differently and that may work to your favor. Just something to consider.

Again my thoughts are with you, this is such a cruel process.

 
So sorry to hear the news Woz. Had you two on the back of my mind all day. Hard to hold onto now I'm sure, but I know something will work out for you both with this. Continued good luck to you guys.

 
This_Guy said:
That is incredibly sad Woz. I know how crushed you and your wife may be.

I know this is too soon but I will throw it out there

anyway. Not sure what you going to consider next but if you are going to give IVF another try you may want to give a different doctor a try. It has nothing to do with how good your current

doctor is but sometime a change can help the process. Every doctor does things differently and that may work to your favor. Just something to consider.

Again my thoughts are with you, this is such a cruel process.
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Well, one of the first things my wife said to me when she called is that we are never doing this again. Certainly that answer could change with time, but for now the plan is to continue with the foster to adopt process. Which has its own emotional pitfalls.
 
My wife and I did two private adoptions and both have worked out very well. We have considered fostering, but we are yet to move forward. Good luck Woz and so sorry for what you and your wife have had to endure.

 
Just got back from the office. Work was a nice distraction. Although I probably have to go into the office for a half day tomorrow, what happened is just settling in and I have the weekend to myself.

Current plan is to get drunk on way on the couch while watching the mets win. Both halfway there. Really happy my wife is enjoying Disneyland with her mom. Guess I get to bachelor it up all weekend.

 
Have you given any thought to the "relaxed, let's have natural sex and chill for a year or two" idea?

I don't think rushing into adoption right away is a wise idea. I really do think you two need time away from doctors and all the stress of baby making.

Good luck.

 
eoMMan said:
Have you given any thought to the "relaxed, let's have natural sex and chill for a year or two" idea?

I don't think rushing into adoption right away is a wise idea. I really do think you two need time away from doctors and all the stress of baby making.

Good luck.
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We did this initially.

 
Zow said:
So we may be fostering a baby beginning in a couple of hours...
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whoa.

was this planned- or did one of your clients have to make payment via barter?

GL with this zowoz- lots of procedural questions about it - how, what, where kind of stuff- but for now GL!

 
Zow said:
Aaaaaaand no go. Baby went to another family because we aren't officially licensed yet.
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oh come on.

eta: sorry woz... you guys deserve something good coming soon- this will work out for the best, I'm sure of it.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
El Floppo said:
Zow said:
So we may be fostering a baby beginning in a couple of hours...
Click to expand...
whoa.

was this planned- or did one of your clients have to make payment via barter?

GL with this zowoz- lots of procedural questions about it - how, what, where kind of stuff- but for now GL!
Click to expand...
Yeah this came up quick and sudden for us. We aren't scheduled to be officially licensed for another 1-2 months.* We were streamlined a bit because a colleague of mine is involved in the situation and tossed our name out there. Emergency situation where the baby was going to be released from the hospital but they had nowhere to go with it. With us not being licensed or fictive to the child we were basically low end on the totem poll but thought we may have a shot here given the immediacy of the situation. Nonetheless they found another family who is licensed and willing to take the child - albeit that family resides five hours away which will cause a nightmare situation for the bio parents.

*It isn't a requirement to be licensed in order to foster a child. However, an unlicensed person falls lower on the statutory rung for preference for placement. Additionally, you want get the wealth of state benefits for caring for the child (i.e. paid for daycare, stipend, etc.).

 
Zow said:
Aaaaaaand no go. Baby went to another family because we aren't officially licensed yet.
Click to expand...
Update: We got licensed about a week ago. We get a call last Thursday asking if we'd like to foster this baby. Friday night he was dropped off to us. Been a whirlwind since.

I'm tired. And I have a feeling my golf game is going to get even worse.

 
Zow said:
Zow said:
Aaaaaaand no go. Baby went to another family because we aren't officially licensed yet.
Click to expand...
Update: We got licensed about a week ago. We get a call last Thursday asking if we'd like to foster this baby. Friday night he was dropped off to us. Been a whirlwind since.

I'm tired. And I have a feeling my golf game is going to get even worse.
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That's awesome.

 
Zow said:
Zow said:
Aaaaaaand no go. Baby went to another family because we aren't officially licensed yet.
Click to expand...
Update: We got licensed about a week ago. We get a call last Thursday asking if we'd like to foster this baby. Friday night he was dropped off to us. Been a whirlwind since.

I'm tired. And I have a feeling my golf game is going to get even worse.
Click to expand...
HFS, wow. Congrats!

 
So how much did you drink over the weekend? I found that booze helped get through the first couple weeks.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
fred_1_15301 said:
So how much did you drink over the weekend? I found that booze helped get through the first couple weeks.
Click to expand...
Not as much as I wanted to. Friday night pretty much none. Saturday night we had some celebratory champagne but then had to take the baby in to the ER (all good, no issues, the ER doctor kind of made fun of us for being so careful). So that panicked me into remaining sober. Yesterday I had like 2-3 throughout the day, but the kid was a rockstar and basically slept in my lap all day so just enjoyed that.

 
El Floppo said:
woz- how does the fostering work? set time-line? indefinite? I'm completely naive about this.
Click to expand...
It's pretty indefinite. For an infant in Arizona, the general process goes like this:

1. Mom and Dad engage in behavior that they shouldn't be doing which shows that there is a reasonable threat of imminent harm to the child. The state (CPS, DCS, DES, whatever the particular state agency is called) steps in and takes custody of the child (or children). A court case begins. The goal is to reunify with the parents.

2. Child is placed. Placement in preferential orders is as follows: 1) relative; 2) fictive kinship; 3) licensed foster care provider; 4) unlicensed foster care provider; 5) group home; 6) random guy on the street. The presumption is that placement should be with siblings - although that's not always logistically possible. The decision to place the child is supposed to be up to everybody involved, but basically it's all up to the state. Placement can change at any point if some "better" option becomes available.

3. The parent(s) have about 6 months to get their stuff in order and fix the problem. Generally, this timeline is drug out to 9-12 months if the parents attorneys are doing it right and the parents are at least doing some things right. If they fix the problem they get the kid back.

4. If the parents don't get their proverbial stuff together, then the state moves to sever the parents' rights. A trial is held like 3-6 months from this point.

5. A judge decides at the trial whether to sever. If the judge does not sever then basically go back two steps and the state tries to reunify (in other words, the parents get another shot). If the judge does decide to sever then the parents, despite biology, are not consider the baby's parents by law anymore.

6. The state seeks to have the baby adopted. See order above for preference. Oftentimes the current placement adopts the baby although this is not always the case.

For foster parents it can be a difficult process. Theoretically the baby can be moved out of your home at any point with little to no notice for a variety of different reasons that aren't anywhere near your fault. It's also psychologically challenging because goal number one really should be to basically provide a safe haven for the baby while the parents get their stuff in order. Of course if you're a foster parent you likely will become attached to the child and will want to adopt the child so, per pure human nature, it's tough to not root against the former from happening.

 
thanks for that woz.

phew. that sounds potentially rough, per your closing paragraph. taking care of a newborn is brutal work- even with your own. with the looming threat of having the baby taken away at a moment's notice... woof. at least your wife doesn't have post-partum.

but whatever happens- amazing for both of you to be doing this... it's a great thing you're doing. :thumbup:

 
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