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Venting on my part... (2 Viewers)

KarmaPolice

KarmaPolice

Footballguy
Short version - my son has had a terrible year, and approached us last week about the desire to transfer schools. 2 main reasons: the basketball program and overt racism he has witnessed in the school.


Longer version:

Basketball: He is on the JV team. At the start of the year he wasn't getting playing time. Rules of the basketball program are: the kid meets with the coach by themselves, if nothing is resolved then it's parents and coach (with kid), if still not meet with the head Varsity coach, then with the AD, etc.. So, he did the right thing - went to the coach after the first couple games of getting about 3mins of playing time and asked what he could do to get more time. The coach said he needed to show more hustle on the court, play with more aggression, etc.. He has slowly worked into a bit more playing time so that is improving a tad. BUT -- the backstory is he and the other kid are both 6'6" at 16. The other kid has about 50-60 pounds on him, and super long arms. He has low IQ on the court, get's called for 3sec violations constantly, usually looks lost on the court, and gets into foul trouble almost every game because he constantly jumps into the ball handler on pump fakes. Leaves his feet all the time. Also, when he gets upset he starts throwing elbows. Now, I agree 100% that my son is not as aggressive, but he has his abilities - mainly a high court IQ, good at identifying where to go with the ball and more accurately gets the ball to his teamates. Also much better shooter out of the paint. Also, when they play vs. each other my son has figured out how to shut him down and this makes him upset. Granted, this is from him from their time in practice and at the rec center - but I have seen that side of him on the court - getting pissed and throwing elbows.

Now, tonight he got in the car visibly upset. Turns out he got drilled in face several times during practice from this kid enough so that he had a bloody nose and rattled enough that he said his ears were buzzing a bit. Yes, they were scrimmaging and he claims he was shutting the kid down. He said the coach saw it all and just told him to calm down (because he was getting upset about getting hit in the face). We started talking a bit about what I should do about this because while I get it's a rough sport, but IMO this is a bit much. He just shut down and shrugged and said it wouldn't matter. I pried more, and what he never told us was on day 1 after tryouts for JV the varsity coach during their 1 on 1 told him the only reason he made the team and was on the squad was to make this other kid better. I was furious at hearing this.

This is where my venting and desire for outside input comes in. Is this business as usual for HS sports, or am I justified in my anger. My opinion is that is should be up to the coaches to coach these kids and improve them and whoever is better for the team plays more. How in the world can he trust that any attempt to improve will be met with an honest assessment after that?

Maybe it's just me being an upset parent or having too much of a fluffy, team driven ideal for sports. We've been pretty disappointed in his experience in the program up to this point, and it's still a sport he loves and wants to play in general. But tonight he said that if we don't agree to the transfer, or it's not accepted as of now he has 0 plans to play on the team next year. I hate that idea, but I am starting to at least understand where he is coming from and wouldn't argue with him about it too much. My main concern there is that he doesn't do a ton else besides basketball and work so I hate to have 0 school activities on the resume.


School: We are in small town WI. We were randomly talking about race and things in the car while driving and him saying that he has witnessed people in the school calling a couple of the black kids (I believe there are only 3-4) the N-word to their face. He said it's happened in games, he said he's witnessed it being said around a teacher with the teacher only staring and not saying anything, etc.. Overall I think he is a bit miserable at the school and these things are adding up and really bringing him down. Mood is down, grades are plummeting, etc.. We work at the same place in a town up the road, and that is where he wants to attempt to transfer to. He gets along with the students who work there (I think he is the only kid from our town at the store right now), and thinks it's a better fit. Some of kids are on the basketball team as well and one of the kids happens to be black and he said he has been talking to them for a month or so and they can't believe what's going on either (again, I realize this is all filtered through him).


Anyway, I am just at a loss of where to begin with my anger and frustration. He has been letting this build and been hanging on to this for a few months now - to the point where he looked up the info about how to try to transfer. It really caught me off guard then, and I've been trying to rationally sort out what to do since then. My first instinct was that a transfer doesn't automatically solve the problems - there will still be ignorance at that school, crappy teachers, and he doesn't know how basketball will go. But after tonight talking to him, I was more open to the idea.

Any thoughts, questions, advice appreciated.
 
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I was stuck in a small town with overt racism and a coach who buried me on the bench because he didn't like me. I played soccer and it was the sport in my town. I also, in addition to school soccer, played in the spring and summer. My friends from other schools (we had regional teams) couldn't believe I wasn't playing against them when we'd face off against each other. They would start asking questions and it never came down to talent. I was buried because the guy didn't care for me or my game. It only changed when one day I was doing laps for punishment and he told me to keep going, so I went right on up to the dressing room and told everyone "**** it. I'm going to play hockey full time now." Then that **** ended and I was getting time and eventually starting for the varsity squad. But it took me rubbing his nose in my quitting to do it.

So I don't disbelieve him. I have no other advice about the transferring, because I tread lightly about giving advice when it comes to children. I have none. I would have loved to transfer from my hick, racist hometown that I hated at the time. I'm not sure about the parental ramifications about it, though.

But if you want to know whether or not whether what he is saying is possible, I will tell you it sure as **** is.
 
I've just always been surprised at the "team" dynamic. No teamwork, allowed to throw tantrums in the games, this type of elbowing crap, etc. 0 cheering for each other, and little things like not giving each other 5s, etc. (My son did it a few times last game reliving this kid in the game and he walks right past.) It's bizarre and embarrassing.

We played against my HS that is 20mis up the road and during their workup they were doing all that. Well coached, looked fun, but they were going hard. It really put the difference front and center for me last night.
 
I had a pretty miserable time in HS sports. I had the opportunity to transfer but didn't because I didn't want to leave my friend group (they were nerds not athletes). If I didn't have them, I'd have likely done it.

If your son has taken it upon himself to start figuring things out on his own, you should probably help him at least explore the options.

The teen years are pretty foundational for mental health. Sounds like staying in that situation is not optimal.
 
High school has turned into win or get fired. There's a lot of info needed that's not in your post or may could be implied but being a high school coach myself, there is a lot, and I mean a crap tin, that could be going on here. Not saying it is happening in your case, but I've coached for 26 years and 90% of the time it's not the exact situation a 10-16 year old kid has described.

I have had kids, recently, shout to everyone that will listen, "the coach hates me" or "he only likes this type" or whatever. 9 times out of 10 that's also the kid that skips a practice because his girlfriend had a bday dinner or some other excuse. Again, May not be applicable to you bit just my experience. Parents approaching me doesn't help. My response is to tell their kid to come ask me. Trick is giving an honest evaluation.

I also have plenty of kids approach me "what can I do to get more pt". The answer 99% of the time is "beat the kid in front of you" if all things are equal, talent wins out. Hard work is great, but high school jobs now depend on wins. Make sense?

I'm lucky (sort of). I'm not a teacher so my livliehood doesn't depend on wins. I'm a contract coach with a club/travel background that also understands development and teamwork and all of the other catchphrases. If they fire me, so what, I have my 9-5. But I can completely understand the teachers that need the extra dough that goes along with winning.

So my advice is to tell your son to make sure the coach can't afford to sit you... his only job is to beat that kid out. Sometimes it just won't happen. I'm not a transfer type of guy but sometimes you just can't beat the system.
 
rockaction said:
I was stuck in a small town with overt racism and a coach who buried me on the bench because he didn't like me. I played soccer and it was the sport in my town. I also, in addition to school soccer, played in the spring and summer. My friends from other schools (we had regional teams) couldn't believe I wasn't playing against them when we'd face off against each other. They would start asking questions and it never came down to talent. I was buried because the guy didn't care for me or my game. It only changed when one day I was doing laps for punishment and he told me to keep going, so I went right on up to the dressing room and told everyone "**** it. I'm going to play hockey full time now." Then that **** ended and I was getting time and eventually starting for the varsity squad. But it took me rubbing his nose in my quitting to do it.

So I don't disbelieve him. I have no other advice about the transferring, because I tread lightly about giving advice when it comes to children. I have none. I would have loved to transfer from my hick, racist hometown that I hated at the time. I'm not sure about the parental ramifications about it, though.

But if you want to know whether or not whether what he is saying is possible, I will tell you it sure as **** is.
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Maybe I worded my post incorrectly. I believe him this happened. It's more I was shocked and in disbelief that it happened in both cases.

I get that there might be favorites behind the scene, I just couldn't believe the coach said that to his face. I probably would have told him to eat a D and walked out.
 
Mister CIA said:
Wait, a JV basketball coach struggles to provide adequate playing time to a 16-year-old kid who is 6"6'?
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They are both 6'6"-6'7" (sadly, I lost track after he passed me a few years ago). The other kid has about 40-50 lbs on him, and apelike arms. Neither of then are the most athletic or best on the team. Only one is in the court at a time or neither. Can't remember the last time they were on the court together.
 
bigbottom said:
Basketball aside, you mentioned that his mood is down and grades are plummeting. I would definitely be looking hard at a transfer in your situation.
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Yeah, he has been keeping a lot of this to himself or at least these details.

I was just looking at the transfer applications and we are only allowed 3 a year, and it has where you need to provide reasons, who you talked to what the outcome was etc.

When I read it, it seemed like it was "open" enrollment for schools, but you need to have good reason. Also, we are in rural-ish WI so a transfer also involves a 15-25min drive on country roads that aren't the best. Not the end of the world, but a combo now of not wanting to get his hopes up that it's possible or it will fix the problems. Of them, 2 of the schools have people at work he seems to get along with and knows people on each basketball team, so that gives us more hope it will be a decent move if accepted.
 
KarmaPolice said:
Also, we are in rural-ish WI so a transfer also involves a 15-25min drive on country roads that aren't the best.
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Did that every day in a school bus. Those 90 degree turns are really fun- as in when the sign says speed limit 5MPH, you slow down.

Better this than some AH coach. Do you have any evidence that the other school is any better?
 
If I had a quarter for every parent massively upset about their kid's playing time in high school I'd be uber rich. Best thing he could do is toughen up and battle that kid in the post. If he's better, it will be obvious and he'll get playing time.

Moving one high school over in WI will not end his interaction with racism. He will come across it several times, no matter what school he goes to. It's how we reacts to it that's important. Does he speak up and stand up for what's right?

In the big picture I'm not a fan of running away from problems. If it were my son I'd want him to tough it out and try to turn both situations around. But if it's not possible, and he's miserable with grades slipping, then transferring makes sense.
 
Judge Smails said:
If I had a quarter for every parent massively upset about their kid's playing time in high school I'd be uber rich. Best thing he could do is toughen up and battle that kid in the post. If he's better, it will be obvious and he'll get playing time.

Moving one high school over in WI will not end his interaction with racism. He will come across it several times, no matter what school he goes to. It's how we reacts to it that's important. Does he speak up and stand up for what's right?

In the big picture I'm not a fan of running away from problems. If it were my son I'd want him to tough it out and try to turn both situations around. But if it's not possible, and he's miserable with grades slipping, then transferring makes sense.
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He has 0 issue with the playing time. He did the right thing by approaching the coach at the start if the year and made sure to work harder in practice. He has earned more playing time.

His position is that:

1. This kid is not drastically better than him. The other kid starts, but usually has 2 fouls really quickly because he leaves his feet, is out of position offensively a lot and usually gets called 4-5 times for 3sec violations.

2. When the kid gets shut down is when he starts getting dirty and throwing elbows. My son said this happened tonight because he was doing what he was supposed to and shutting him down and making him bite on fake shots as usual. He and I are pissed tonight because of safety concerns of elbows flying and not doing anything as his nose is bleeding and his ear is ringing.

3. The varsity coach telling him he is just there to make this kid better. He knows they don't want him there or at least he is not in their plans going forward. That is incredibly crappy to say to a kid, and the opposite of whoever works hardest gets the minutes and the starts. He feels he was told day 1 specifically this is not the case.

I get it, I could very well be like every other pissed off whiny sport parent who thinks his kid is getting a raw deal. The fact that he was told that day 1, is still battling for minutes and taking this **** to finish his season tells me he is battling plenty and tougher than I expected or I am. 5-6 kids have quit this year, but he was not one.
 
Mrs. Rannous said:
KarmaPolice said:
Also, we are in rural-ish WI so a transfer also involves a 15-25min drive on country roads that aren't the best.
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Did that every day in a school bus. Those 90 degree turns are really fun- as in when the sign says speed limit 5MPH, you slow down.

Better this than some AH coach. Do you have any evidence that the other school is any better?
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No, we don't.

I've talked to him a few times about this, and have always been honest that we are in the same area. There are no guarantees that anything will change. That was part of my initial reaction and being down on the idea of a transfer. There are definitely going to be ignorant people in any school around here. There are going to be ****ty teachers. He could go to a school where he wouldn't even make the JV team.

We have 1 month before we could even apply for a transfer. Of the 4 schools around the area, I graduated from one, I work in the town of another, and my wife works in the town of a third. So at the very least, we have ways of reaching out and finding out info. But also if we got to that point, we have to be honest that there would be a risk of things being worse and isolation from being the new kid or being bullied could be a factor. Like I said, in his opinion, so of that risk is mitigated because in 2 of the cases he at least knows people at the school and on the teams because of where we work.
 
The first thing that I would do is get him off of the basketball team. His grades are plummeting and regardless of how good or bad the situation is with the basketball team is— he needs to get those up. I grew up loving and playing basketball. My parents implemented a strict rule with me that if I didn’t keep my grades up—I couldn’t play basketball. Period. I think you need to do the same. Part of growing up is learning how to compartmentalize things. His basketball life cannot drag down his academic life. I think you really need to reinforce that point because even if you read your own post—you spent 70-80% writing about his coach and basketball experience and kinda glazed over the biggest factor here in regards to school—which is academics and grades. I bet there are lots of ways that he can play basketball outside of being on the high school team—recreational leagues, pick up games...etc. Basketball needs to be his reward for getting good grades—but he cannot use it as a primary excuse for struggling academically. With that said—I do think you should evaluate the other schools and see if you and he think they are a better fit—but with a caveat. He needs to agree to keep his grades up moving forward—or no basketball at all.
 
I was thinking he might consider an AAU program that would have a coach that wants him and wants to develop him. I have not been involved with AAU since the mid 90’s but back then, there were tiers of teams. An A team, B team, C team.

There might be a team/coach excited to get a young 6’6”, high basketball IQ that they could develop?

Not personally crazy about transferring high schools. Obviously you know your kids and the situation best, but it would be a last resort for me.
 
jvdesigns2002 said:
The first thing that I would do is get him off of the basketball team. His grades are plummeting and regardless of how good or bad the situation is with the basketball team is— he needs to get those up. I grew up loving and playing basketball. My parents implemented a strict rule with me that if I didn’t keep my grades up—I couldn’t play basketball. Period. I think you need to do the same. Part of growing up is learning how to compartmentalize things. His basketball life cannot drag down his academic life. I think you really need to reinforce that point because even if you read your own post—you spent 70-80% writing about his coach and basketball experience and kinda glazed over the biggest factor here in regards to school—which is academics and grades. I bet there are lots of ways that he can play basketball outside of being on the high school team—recreational leagues, pick up games...etc. Basketball needs to be his reward for getting good grades—but he cannot use it as a primary excuse for struggling academically. With that said—I do think you should evaluate the other schools and see if you and he think they are a better fit—but with a caveat. He needs to agree to keep his grades up moving forward—or no basketball at all.
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Very fair point, and more info was needed on my part here I realized after the fact. In the heat of the moment last night in my anger this part came out a little worse than it should have. Plumet was a bit harsh.

He's had a rough semester because he had appendix surgery in Mid-October around his birthday. Ended up being an ordeal - it ruptured, they were late getting antibiotics, he developed abscesses, he was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks. He was quite behind because due to how he was in the hospital we weren't able to get much accomplished in there school-wise. He's been behind the 8-ball because of that and still being behind because of the surgery. There have been a couple choice teachers that despite what they said to us during our meetings afterwards haven't been very cooperative about getting stuff made up and he's had some of that looming over his head the rest of the semester. We had the talk about basketball, but in the end my wife and I didn't feel like he should be "punished" for having surgery and the teachers seemed cooperative about him having time to make some of these things up - so we let him play the season. Again, this is coming from him and he just hit us with a lot of this info last week on break as it's built up for 2 months.

The overall tone I got from him last week was that he wanted out because he feels the school is toxic and he has very few people in his corner there. None of the coaches seem to care about him, a handful of his teachers have been uncooperative with him, and he has these concerns about racism and others things. He feels just "done" with that place. What my wife and I are currently trying to do is parse all this info out and try to help in some way that we also think will be constructive. I still might not be clear here about what is going on with the grades, but I have been monitoring it and actual tests aren't dropping a lot, it's a lot of make up and scheduling stuff. He has a semester switch soon and a couple of the problem classes and teachers will go away, so that has been in the back of our minds too. Grades are part of it, but IMO it's the one that is the easiest fix for him as we assessed the situation, which is probably why I focused on the other two (and I was pissed because basketball was fresh in my mind).
 
Beef Ravioli Part 2 said:
I was thinking he might consider an AAU program that would have a coach that wants him and wants to develop him. I have not been involved with AAU since the mid 90’s but back then, there were tiers of teams. An A team, B team, C team.

There might be a team/coach excited to get a young 6’6”, high basketball IQ that they could develop?

Not personally crazy about transferring high schools. Obviously you know your kids and the situation best, but it would be a last resort for me.
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This will be explored more too, especially if we decide transfer is not an option or it's not accepted.

One of the things that surprised me about this is while this was all going on he was talking to me about a couple gyms in the area that he wanted to join with the guys from work because they wanted to group up and lift weights and try to get better at basketball, so it's not like he wants to quit the sport completely. He is just done with this program and doesn't want to play for that Varsity coach after he said that to him and he can't trust that he is going to get an equal shot no matter what improvements he tries to make.

I am pretty honest about his skills - he's tall, but he's uncoordinated. Yes he needs to get some more muscle and work on a couple things. All this he WANTS to do - all he wants is some good coaching, be told what to do, etc. He is willing to do the work, and he doesn't have the attitude that playing time is a given. AAU around here only has a few teams and it's quite competitive to get on, so that hasn't worked out yet. What we had also talked about was trying to find some camps or trying to find some one on one coaching somewhere. Again, a lot of this is coming at us in the last week so we are still brainstorming.
 
It seems odd that none of the coaches care about him, a handful of teaches have been uncooperative. Why would a coach say the only reason he’s on the team is to develop someone else that seems comparably (actually less based on your description) skilled. That’s just stupid, makes me question if there was a translation issue.

Just feels like there is another side missing. It does seem like maybe he’s just really struggling after the two week absence (high school is hard these days) and maybe it’s overwhelming him, impacting his performance across the board.

Seems like the guy he’s competing with is a doosh, but also exactly the kind of guy the coach would want to see your son push back on…and if anything he’s doing the opposite?

I’ve never lived in a small town and understand things are probably more difficult in that environment…less options, potentially stuck with lower quality educators.

Tough spot, he’s lucky to have a thoughtful father in his corner helping him.
 
KarmaPolice said:
jvdesigns2002 said:
The first thing that I would do is get him off of the basketball team. His grades are plummeting and regardless of how good or bad the situation is with the basketball team is— he needs to get those up. I grew up loving and playing basketball. My parents implemented a strict rule with me that if I didn’t keep my grades up—I couldn’t play basketball. Period. I think you need to do the same. Part of growing up is learning how to compartmentalize things. His basketball life cannot drag down his academic life. I think you really need to reinforce that point because even if you read your own post—you spent 70-80% writing about his coach and basketball experience and kinda glazed over the biggest factor here in regards to school—which is academics and grades. I bet there are lots of ways that he can play basketball outside of being on the high school team—recreational leagues, pick up games...etc. Basketball needs to be his reward for getting good grades—but he cannot use it as a primary excuse for struggling academically. With that said—I do think you should evaluate the other schools and see if you and he think they are a better fit—but with a caveat. He needs to agree to keep his grades up moving forward—or no basketball at all.
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Very fair point, and more info was needed on my part here I realized after the fact. In the heat of the moment last night in my anger this part came out a little worse than it should have. Plumet was a bit harsh.

He's had a rough semester because he had appendix surgery in Mid-October around his birthday. Ended up being an ordeal - it ruptured, they were late getting antibiotics, he developed abscesses, he was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks. He was quite behind because due to how he was in the hospital we weren't able to get much accomplished in there school-wise. He's been behind the 8-ball because of that and still being behind because of the surgery. There have been a couple choice teachers that despite what they said to us during our meetings afterwards haven't been very cooperative about getting stuff made up and he's had some of that looming over his head the rest of the semester. We had the talk about basketball, but in the end my wife and I didn't feel like he should be "punished" for having surgery and the teachers seemed cooperative about him having time to make some of these things up - so we let him play the season. Again, this is coming from him and he just hit us with a lot of this info last week on break as it's built up for 2 months.

The overall tone I got from him last week was that he wanted out because he feels the school is toxic and he has very few people in his corner there. None of the coaches seem to care about him, a handful of his teachers have been uncooperative with him, and he has these concerns about racism and others things. He feels just "done" with that place. What my wife and I are currently trying to do is parse all this info out and try to help in some way that we also think will be constructive. I still might not be clear here about what is going on with the grades, but I have been monitoring it and actual tests aren't dropping a lot, it's a lot of make up and scheduling stuff. He has a semester switch soon and a couple of the problem classes and teachers will go away, so that has been in the back of our minds too. Grades are part of it, but IMO it's the one that is the easiest fix for him as we assessed the situation, which is probably why I focused on the other two (and I was pissed because basketball was fresh in my mind).
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I think that what you just posted deserves far more time and attention than basketball does. I’d go on to say that frankly I think that if health issues have put him behind in his academics—then basketball really needs to be put on the back burner. In my opinion—the issues with the teachers that haven’t been cooperative about working with him in regard to making up for what he missed due to the surgery is of far greater concern than any of the basketball stuff. You mentioned that some of his academic issues are tied with scheduling and make up stuff—would getting him off of the basketball team give him more time to address those issues? If so—I do think that further supports getting him off of the basketball team.

The reality of the situation is that your sons academics will have a far greater impact on the rest of his life than his basketball will. His grades will determine if and where he will go to college, and once his grades become official in his transcripts—there are no “do overs”. In my personal opinion—you just need to treat basketball as if it is a nominal factor in whatever decision you and your son decide to do in regards to possibly transferring schools. Also—my guess is that every school will probably have some teachers that are not the most supportive, will have some racism present, and will have coaches that are unfair. That’s just a reality of the world we are in. There is a very good chance that if you guys switch schools—the only difference might be that he has a few more supportive friends in his corner—which certainly carries some value. The question is if that positive value outweighs all of the potentially negative stuff that is involved in transitioning to a new school (having to adapt to a new environment, the curriculum at the new school might not be the same as where the one he’s coming from—which could put him further behind…etc), if the longer commute is something that can be worked around…etc. In any case—I do wish you guys the best—as it’s not an easy situation you guys are in. I just think that evaluating the pros/cons of each option in a way where you rate those pros/cons in respect to importance and priorities is the key. His academics and comfort (mood) at the school are of the most importance imo. I think basketball needs to be viewed as a recreational activity and of nominal priority when you make your pros/cons list. Just my 2 cents.
 
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jvdesigns2002 said:
KarmaPolice said:
jvdesigns2002 said:
The first thing that I would do is get him off of the basketball team. His grades are plummeting and regardless of how good or bad the situation is with the basketball team is— he needs to get those up. I grew up loving and playing basketball. My parents implemented a strict rule with me that if I didn’t keep my grades up—I couldn’t play basketball. Period. I think you need to do the same. Part of growing up is learning how to compartmentalize things. His basketball life cannot drag down his academic life. I think you really need to reinforce that point because even if you read your own post—you spent 70-80% writing about his coach and basketball experience and kinda glazed over the biggest factor here in regards to school—which is academics and grades. I bet there are lots of ways that he can play basketball outside of being on the high school team—recreational leagues, pick up games...etc. Basketball needs to be his reward for getting good grades—but he cannot use it as a primary excuse for struggling academically. With that said—I do think you should evaluate the other schools and see if you and he think they are a better fit—but with a caveat. He needs to agree to keep his grades up moving forward—or no basketball at all.
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Very fair point, and more info was needed on my part here I realized after the fact. In the heat of the moment last night in my anger this part came out a little worse than it should have. Plumet was a bit harsh.

He's had a rough semester because he had appendix surgery in Mid-October around his birthday. Ended up being an ordeal - it ruptured, they were late getting antibiotics, he developed abscesses, he was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks. He was quite behind because due to how he was in the hospital we weren't able to get much accomplished in there school-wise. He's been behind the 8-ball because of that and still being behind because of the surgery. There have been a couple choice teachers that despite what they said to us during our meetings afterwards haven't been very cooperative about getting stuff made up and he's had some of that looming over his head the rest of the semester. We had the talk about basketball, but in the end my wife and I didn't feel like he should be "punished" for having surgery and the teachers seemed cooperative about him having time to make some of these things up - so we let him play the season. Again, this is coming from him and he just hit us with a lot of this info last week on break as it's built up for 2 months.

The overall tone I got from him last week was that he wanted out because he feels the school is toxic and he has very few people in his corner there. None of the coaches seem to care about him, a handful of his teachers have been uncooperative with him, and he has these concerns about racism and others things. He feels just "done" with that place. What my wife and I are currently trying to do is parse all this info out and try to help in some way that we also think will be constructive. I still might not be clear here about what is going on with the grades, but I have been monitoring it and actual tests aren't dropping a lot, it's a lot of make up and scheduling stuff. He has a semester switch soon and a couple of the problem classes and teachers will go away, so that has been in the back of our minds too. Grades are part of it, but IMO it's the one that is the easiest fix for him as we assessed the situation, which is probably why I focused on the other two (and I was pissed because basketball was fresh in my mind).
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I think that what you just posted deserves far more time and attention than basketball does. I’d continue to say that frankly I think this If he had health issues that have put him behind in his academics—then basketball really needs to be put on the back burner. In my opinion—the issues with the teachers that haven’t been cooperative about working with him in regard to making up for what he missed due to the surgery is of far greater concern than any of the basketball stuff. You mentioned that some of his academic issues are tied with scheduling and make up stuff—would getting him off of the basketball team give him more time to address those issues? If so—I do think that further supports getting him off of the basketball team.

The reality of the situation is that your sons academics will have a far greater impact on the rest of his life than his basketball will. His grades will determine if and where he will go to college, and once his grades become official in his transcripts—there are no “do overs”. In my personal opinion—you just need to treat basketball as if it is a nominal factor in whatever decision you and your son decide to do in regards to possibly transferring schools. Also—my guess is that every school will probably have some teachers that are not the most supportive, will have some racism present, and will have coaches that are unfair. That’s just a reality of the world we are in. There is a very good chance that if you guys switch schools—the only difference might be that he has a few more supportive friends in his corner—which certainly carries some value. The question is if that positive value outweighs all of the potentially negative stuff that is involved in transitioning to a new school (having to adapt to a new environment, the curriculum at the new school might not be the same as where the one he’s coming from—which could put him further behind…etc), if the longer commute is something that can be worked around…etc. In any case—I do wish you guys the best—as it’s not an easy situation you guys are in. I just think that evaluating the pros/cons of each option in a way where you rate those pros/cons in respect to importance and priorities is the key. His academics and comfort (mood) at the school are of the most importance imo. I think basketball needs to be viewed as a recreational activity and of nominal priority when you make your pros/cons list. Just my 2 cents.
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No. The system at our school is very frustrating for making things up. We encountered this last year as well when he was out sick for a week+ with covid. Each year there have been a couple of his classes that are more labs/computer type things that need to be made up in school. They have what they call intervention for 1 period at the end of each day that they have as a study hall/time to make these things up. One of them is more of a homeroom on Monday then teachers request students for theirs if there are things to make up. So that is max 4/week to try to make up 8 classes of stuff. These are not things that he can do after school or that basketball is affected by. This is a bafflingly stupid system.

Again, he hit us with this over Winter break. There is 2 weeks left in the semester for this wave of classes. I didn't feel at this time yanking him from basketball, when he is still qualifying for it on grade checks, was justified for 2 remaining weeks of these classes. Is that the right decision? I don't know, but I will stand by it and beat myself up as a parent if it's the wrong call. We wanted to weigh the circumstances, the fact that despite these issues with basketball, it's his one activity and one thing he actually does and loves, and the ramifications of what taking that away during all this will affect his mental health and mood.

Maybe it's the wrong call, but we have discussed with him that if he is not putting the work in with school sports would go. IMO this is not a function of him not putting the work in on that front, and his current work isn't much of a drop in grades - it's the swirl of makeup crap for the second year in a row with this system.

Like I said, this morning - I probably way overstated that aspect of as far as actual grades. He just approached us with wanting to transfer 1 week ago out of the blue and we have been trying to work our way through. His overall tone was that he believes the school is a bad a bad environment for him: basketball, teachers not teaching and yelling at kids, not being able to make some of this stuff up, the racism stuff, etc.. Part of my discussion with him is that he needs to come forward to us sooner so we can act quicker, and I realize that is part of it as well. Now we are just trying to figure out WTF is going on and where to start. In both situations he feels helpless, feels he's tried, and feels like it's to the point where this is what the school is and it's not going to change. My wife and I are currently trying to access how much of that is accurate.

I appreciate the feedback
 
So much to unpack here, so I'll take these one by one as a dad with a 17 year old going through a lot of similar things right now:

1. The racism portion. First off - kudos to you guys as parents for raising a kid that recognizes how wrong that is and admitting how uncomfortable it makes him. That is a testament to good parenting. However, with teenagers I'm not sure moving schools helps this. Unfortunately this is not something that you can run away from. The best we can do as humans is to not be those type of people and also understand that there are people like that in this world. We've always taught our kids to: Be kind. Don't join the crowd that does stuff like that because you know it's wrong.

2. The grades. I know that the grades are suffering because of all these other factors. We had an issue with my 17 year old when he was a sophomore about Algebra. He just had a horrible teacher who basically taught Algebra off of YouTube videos. He would "grade" homework as complete or not complete. So for half a semester my son thought he was getting the questions right. So he would fail the tests. Finally we told him: "Talk to your teacher and have him go over the problems so you can understand." We also told him: "Sometimes teachers just suck and you have to figure it out and just get through it." To his credit he did that and also learned a valuable lesson in advocating for yourself.

At some point every kid has to learn this. They have to. And now seems to be that time for your son. But grades HAVE to come first. That lays groundwork for everything a kid will do going forward: "Do Your Work - Then Play."

3. The mental aspect. It really sounds like your son is going through a really tough mental time right now. That cannot be discounted, and I know you aren't doing that. But to me, this is the most important thing of your issue. He's a kid with hormones and he's just not yet mentally equipped to handle all of this at one time. If he needs help processing all of this, get him help.

As parents we want to fix everything. We can't fix everything. HE has to fix some. You have to fix some. And sometimes someone else may need to help with that. But the teen years flat out suck sometimes. And when it all crashes at once it REALLY sucks. We've dealt with this some this year because......

4. The sports. Our son is a junior. He tried out and made the varsity football team this year as a kicker. This was the first year he ever played football or kicked a football (he was a soccer player). He did great when called upon. I'm not going to go into many details about all that because my anger would leak into this post and I don't want to do that. After 5 games the head coach decided to promote a freshman kicker because his kickoffs were a little longer. The coach told my son this kid was the future of the program, so he gets to kick. He was less successful at extra points and field goals then my son.

So my son gets demoted for literally doing nothing wrong. I will also add our school is terrible at football, so there really is no future. So in our minds, our son should play because he only has this year and next and then he graduates. To say we were angry is an understatement. We wanted to yell at the coach. I wanted to kick his ***. My son told me to stay put and he would deal with it. So he talked to the coach and the coach gave him some BS answer. My son decided he was going to work harder and come into camp this summer ready to beat that kid out. And if he got beat out so be it. But at least he would do his best.

My point is: high school sports sucks sometimes. Coaches have these enormous egos and they lose sight of the fact these are impressionable young men they are leading. And sometimes that teach terrible lessons. And as parents its SOOOOO frustrating because we have to see our guys cry and suffer and get beaten down by these guys. But guess what? That's life. And at some point our kids are going to have to learn that life is simply not fair.

In your case, it sounds like all of the above is hitting your son hard. And you can't discount that. If he is so overwhelmed a move HAS to be done, do it. But as a parent I would probably be getting meetings with the basketball coach, the AD, and the principal to address the issues you described before you make that decision.
 
KarmaPolice said:
The varsity coach telling him he is just there to make this kid better. He knows they don't want him there or at least he is not in their plans going forward. That is incredibly crappy to say to a kid
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There is more to unpack here than I have the capacity to consume and based on what you shared I think his basketball team has some piss poor coaching, but I don't necessarily have a problem with this approach. Anecdotal example warning!!! As awful and political as our basketball coaches were I think a similar direct approach to us benchwarmers was effective. Hurts to hear it, but life's hard and unfair - wear a helmet.

My job in practice was to challenge our #3 wing starter and in games go in with 2+ minutes left in the 1st and 3rd quarters and wreak havoc. A similar directive was given to our 4 and 5 backups. Now, the guy in front of me on the depth chart doesn't sound anything like the case here. Helluva nice guy and extremely physical on offense, but couldn't shoot from more than 12' out and that level of physicality didn't always translate to the other side of the ball. Enter, me. If our starter was in foul trouble or I drained my first shot I may get more, but I always approached each game as if I had 5 minutes. Give my opponent hell on defense, if I get any space for a catch-and-shoot 3 take it, and for the love of all that is holy don't dribble left - basically the exact opposite of what the opponent saw when the starter was in. We were a pretty good ying-and-yang.

But anyway, I share that to demonstrate that had our coaches not been direct with me about my role then that's not how I would have approached practices and games. The starter and I were a quality pairing because of how I approached my role, but I think it's highly likely the net benefit for the team would've suffered had they approached things differently. Now, my never being considered for the #2 SG role is a completely different story and purely political. That starter and his backup were laughably bad - both consistently over whelmed on defense and the one that could shoot (the backup) was 5'6 in lifts. Although I did find out a few years after the fact that decision was the beginning of his end as he got fired 2 years after I graduated. He constantly made 15-5 teams 10-10 due to his predictable offensive sets and starting his friends kids decisions and as it turns out that eventually caught up to him.

I don't know if any of that helps, but thought sharing a different perspective may impact how you approach this particular variable. Unless there' more to it I think it'd be more effective to centralize your concerns on the laundry list of other items you've mentioned.
 
massraider said:
What's the deal with his social circle? No discussion about leaving friends behind?

Are you 100% that the reasons he has given for switching schools are his reasons?
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Not great, and he was talking to me today about it a little. He's a bit of a loner - he reminds me very much of me in HS. A couple core friends, but mostly just meanders about and talks to whoever, but not a huge circle of friends. He has been upset because the lack of team on the basketball team this year has caused most of them to stop interacting outside of school as well. He works quite a bit, and the main friends seem to have problems with that or stopped asking him to do stuff. He has seemed to start talking with people from work more as a result.

I understand, and was similar. I had a set of friends then when I started working a ton and swimming, the dynamic changed and I started hanging more with people at work. It's natural - your schedules align, it's easy to talk during work and just hang out after etc. The big difference there is for me that was still people at my school. For him these are not kids at our HS. His current schedule rotation and classes also seem to have lined up with him not having the usuals at lunch or in his classes, so I am sure that is adding to it as well. He gets his license finally soon, so we have also talked to him about how that could improve things - ie making things more tolerable as he could have more freedom to hang out with the people he wants to.

No, I am not 100% about that last part. One of the first things my wife and I said after he left that first night was transfer felt out of left field and we though we were missing a vital piece of information. It could very well be that this is all just hitting him at the same time and it just boiled over and that's the only thing he could think of that would help.
 
ChiefD said:
So much to unpack here, so I'll take these one by one as a dad with a 17 year old going through a lot of similar things right now:

1. The racism portion. First off - kudos to you guys as parents for raising a kid that recognizes how wrong that is and admitting how uncomfortable it makes him. That is a testament to good parenting. However, with teenagers I'm not sure moving schools helps this. Unfortunately this is not something that you can run away from. The best we can do as humans is to not be those type of people and also understand that there are people like that in this world. We've always taught our kids to: Be kind. Don't join the crowd that does stuff like that because you know it's wrong.

2. The grades. I know that the grades are suffering because of all these other factors. We had an issue with my 17 year old when he was a sophomore about Algebra. He just had a horrible teacher who basically taught Algebra off of YouTube videos. He would "grade" homework as complete or not complete. So for half a semester my son thought he was getting the questions right. So he would fail the tests. Finally we told him: "Talk to your teacher and have him go over the problems so you can understand." We also told him: "Sometimes teachers just suck and you have to figure it out and just get through it." To his credit he did that and also learned a valuable lesson in advocating for yourself.

At some point every kid has to learn this. They have to. And now seems to be that time for your son. But grades HAVE to come first. That lays groundwork for everything a kid will do going forward: "Do Your Work - Then Play."

3. The mental aspect. It really sounds like your son is going through a really tough mental time right now. That cannot be discounted, and I know you aren't doing that. But to me, this is the most important thing of your issue. He's a kid with hormones and he's just not yet mentally equipped to handle all of this at one time. If he needs help processing all of this, get him help.

As parents we want to fix everything. We can't fix everything. HE has to fix some. You have to fix some. And sometimes someone else may need to help with that. But the teen years flat out suck sometimes. And when it all crashes at once it REALLY sucks. We've dealt with this some this year because......

4. The sports. Our son is a junior. He tried out and made the varsity football team this year as a kicker. This was the first year he ever played football or kicked a football (he was a soccer player). He did great when called upon. I'm not going to go into many details about all that because my anger would leak into this post and I don't want to do that. After 5 games the head coach decided to promote a freshman kicker because his kickoffs were a little longer. The coach told my son this kid was the future of the program, so he gets to kick. He was less successful at extra points and field goals then my son.

So my son gets demoted for literally doing nothing wrong. I will also add our school is terrible at football, so there really is no future. So in our minds, our son should play because he only has this year and next and then he graduates. To say we were angry is an understatement. We wanted to yell at the coach. I wanted to kick his ***. My son told me to stay put and he would deal with it. So he talked to the coach and the coach gave him some BS answer. My son decided he was going to work harder and come into camp this summer ready to beat that kid out. And if he got beat out so be it. But at least he would do his best.

My point is: high school sports sucks sometimes. Coaches have these enormous egos and they lose sight of the fact these are impressionable young men they are leading. And sometimes that teach terrible lessons. And as parents its SOOOOO frustrating because we have to see our guys cry and suffer and get beaten down by these guys. But guess what? That's life. And at some point our kids are going to have to learn that life is simply not fair.

In your case, it sounds like all of the above is hitting your son hard. And you can't discount that. If he is so overwhelmed a move HAS to be done, do it. But as a parent I would probably be getting meetings with the basketball coach, the AD, and the principal to address the issues you described before you make that decision.
Click to expand...
I appreciate the response, and 100% on the bolded. This is our plan, I am mostly just venting and reaching out because sometimes it's just enough to read you aren't the only one going through **** and you aren't the only one who's kids have terrible coaches and teachers. We've already talked a bit about how we need to address each situation. I fully understand I can't fix everything as much as I want to sometimes.

Sucks about your son and the football situation as well.

We had a late start today, so I offered to drive him in and we talked more about basketball. I told him as a parent my instinct is that he needs to take the attitude of "F you", hit the gym harder get some additional coaching, and show them up next year and make them regret telling him that. I also told him that I understood 100% that he now does not trust that any of that would be rewarded if in fact he was equal or better than this kid. It very much feels like what you were describing - for some reason as Freshman/Sophomores they have decided what they want the team to look like in a couple years, and he is not a part of that. It goes against how I would coach, but I am also not a coach.
 
MAC_32 said:
KarmaPolice said:
The varsity coach telling him he is just there to make this kid better. He knows they don't want him there or at least he is not in their plans going forward. That is incredibly crappy to say to a kid
Click to expand...
There is more to unpack here than I have the capacity to consume and based on what you shared I think his basketball team has some piss poor coaching, but I don't necessarily have a problem with this approach. Anecdotal example warning!!! As awful and political as our basketball coaches were I think a similar direct approach to us benchwarmers was effective. Hurts to hear it, but life's hard and unfair - wear a helmet.

My job in practice was to challenge our #3 wing starter and in games go in with 2+ minutes left in the 1st and 3rd quarters and wreak havoc. A similar directive was given to our 4 and 5 backups. Now, the guy in front of me on the depth chart doesn't sound anything like the case here. Helluva nice guy and extremely physical on offense, but couldn't shoot from more than 12' out and that level of physicality didn't always translate to the other side of the ball. Enter, me. If our starter was in foul trouble or I drained my first shot I may get more, but I always approached each game as if I had 5 minutes. Give my opponent hell on defense, if I get any space for a catch-and-shoot 3 take it, and for the love of all that is holy don't dribble left - basically the exact opposite of what the opponent saw when the starter was in. We were a pretty good ying-and-yang.

But anyway, I share that to demonstrate that had our coaches not been direct with me about my role then that's not how I would have approached practices and games. The starter and I were a quality pairing because of how I approached my role, but I think it's highly likely the net benefit for the team would've suffered had they approached things differently. Now, my never being considered for the #2 SG role is a completely different story and purely political. That starter and his backup were laughably bad - both consistently over whelmed on defense and the one that could shoot (the backup) was 5'6 in lifts. Although I did find out a few years after the fact that decision was the beginning of his end as he got fired 2 years after I graduated. He constantly made 15-5 teams 10-10 due to his predictable offensive sets and starting his friends kids decisions and as it turns out that eventually caught up to him.

I don't know if any of that helps, but thought sharing a different perspective may impact how you approach this particular variable. Unless there' more to it I think it'd be more effective to centralize your concerns on the laundry list of other items you've mentioned.
Click to expand...
I hear you, and thanks for the response. I realize how emotional I get and and rationalize that I could be getting carried away here.

Maybe I am making too much of it, but I was just particularly mad about the phrasing of what he was told. I would have 0 issues if the Varsity coach sat him down and said something like: you are our back up, these are the reasons you are not starting and this kid is. Here is what I want to see from you going forward. To me that is way different than telling him he is just on the team this year to make this other kid better. All this was from the head of the basketball program/Varsity coach. In general he has not had issues with the JV coach as much. Like I said, after a couple weeks getting 1-2 minutes a game he talked to the JV coach and has listened to him and earned a little more playing time. So his mild beef with the JV coach is he thinks he let's the kids run the show too much (yelling at each other, etc..) and he was mad that is other kid is purposely elbowing him because my son was shutting him down and frustrating him, and that's allowed. His overall beef with the program he was told he is there to improve that kid, and he doesn't trust that any hard work will be rewarded and he is just taking this for nothing. I have 0 clue why it's his job to improve this kid that doesn't seem to be improving, and not the coaches job to coach them all up and field the best team.

I get it - it's life, it's not fair, and he has to make that decision if he stays if he is willing to try again knowing this same outcome is the likeliest. Just incredibly frustrated and disappointed in the coaches and program that he's encountered.
 
Again, appreciate all the responses and feedback. Sometimes I get pissed and need to vent. I get long winded and emotional.

Trust me, my initial mental reaction was "hell no you aren't transferring, that makes no sense". That is still my lean, but with some details I have at least taken that solution as a possibilty and thought about the +s/-s.

Mostly my anger was about the disbelief of what the Varsity coach told him, and when he was telling me about the N word getting tossed around in games and with teachers present and no recourse. I very well could be blowing the coach stuff out of proportion and will be talking to him at some point in time, but I am still shocked about the other stuff but that could just be my naive belief that things were better on that front overall.
 
One thing I'll also add is the freshman and sophomore year were tough in terms of my son and the hormones/school stuff/classes/teenage angst and such.

Once he hit that junior class he mellowed A LOT and can see things from a more practical point now. We are now going through the above with my freshman son and OH MY GOD IT SUCKS AGAIN.

But it will pass soon enough. Hormones are a huge driver here. My brother has kids that are older and the best advice I ever got was from him:

"Most of the time it's just hormones. You have to let them get it out, don't get too emotional about it, and then talk to them when their mind is in a better space later." And it's so true.
 
ChiefD said:
One thing I'll also add is the freshman and sophomore year were tough in terms of my son and the hormones/school stuff/classes/teenage angst and such.

Once he hit that junior class he mellowed A LOT and can see things from a more practical point now. We are now going through the above with my freshman son and OH MY GOD IT SUCKS AGAIN.

But it will pass soon enough. Hormones are a huge driver here. My brother has kids that are older and the best advice I ever got was from him:

"Most of the time it's just hormones. You have to let them get it out, don't get too emotional about it, and then talk to them when their mind is in a better space later." And it's so true.
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100% also been on my mind - this could very fell be a funk that will improve soon with a different schedule and getting his license. Could be he needs some counseling and tools for coping. Could be worse than he is letting on. All we can do is keep digging, getting the side of the coaches and teachers, and go from there.
 
djmich said:
It seems odd that none of the coaches care about him, a handful of teaches have been uncooperative. Why would a coach say the only reason he’s on the team is to develop someone else that seems comparably (actually less based on your description) skilled. That’s just stupid, makes me question if there was a translation issue.

Just feels like there is another side missing. It does seem like maybe he’s just really struggling after the two week absence (high school is hard these days) and maybe it’s overwhelming him, impacting his performance across the board.

Seems like the guy he’s competing with is a doosh, but also exactly the kind of guy the coach would want to see your son push back on…and if anything he’s doing the opposite?

I’ve never lived in a small town and understand things are probably more difficult in that environment…less options, potentially stuck with lower quality educators.

Tough spot, he’s lucky to have a thoughtful father in his corner helping him.
Click to expand...

Here is what my son feels like his options are:

1. Shut the kid down, play him hard, and make him jump on D like he does in the game. He does this, and the elbows start flying on purpose and he gets injured like last night.

2. Just let him mostly go, make himself look bad, but not get smashed in the face.


To me, #1 is the answer, and what my son is doing, but the result of the elbows is unacceptable as a parent and his safety is concerning me. To me that is top priority as a coach. The response to the scenario like last night is to stop the extra crap among team members, pull the starter aside and tell him to do something different or improve other moves because the 2-3 predictable ones are getting stopped. That's how BOTH of them improve, not make it seem like one is the punching bag for the other.

The other kid is not a complete doosh, and is actually a decent kid. He is just incredibly emotional, and I've witnessed this happen - his reaction to getting shut down is to throw tantrums and elbows, not to try something different and beat them.
 
Also I do have to laugh at the racism angle. I guess living in a small town kids are sheltered but thats pretty much everywhere in high school.
 
jobarules said:
Is there any downside in transferring? If not then I dont see what all the fuss is about. Let him transfer.
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1. I have 0 clue on how easy it is to begin with. I read the application last night, and there was a specific section as to why - questions, who you talked to, dates of incidents, etc. I came away with the impression it's not just as easy as asking nicely, and if we list a couple of these reasons we will have to at least have talked to some people.

2. All sorts of possible downsides - bullying that he isn't getting at this current school because he's the new kid, the school could be worse so that's a risk, and just the general downside of him having then to possibly drive 5x more to get there.
 
jobarules said:
Also I do have to laugh at the racism angle. I guess living in a small town kids are sheltered but thats pretty much everywhere in high school.
Click to expand...
That's fair, it's just something I hadn't expected to be as overt and happen multiple times. Of course I've encountered things and sentiments, but I have never seen somebody called that straight to their face in that manner either. I guess I should just consider myself lucky (and naive, it seems) and leave it at that.
 
jobarules said:
Also I do have to laugh at the racism angle. I guess living in a small town kids are sheltered but thats pretty much everywhere in high school.
Click to expand...
Yeah - I assumed it was different 30+ years later but I guess not.

We got pennies and nickels thrown at us during games and called all sorts on names. Since I was a white kid I was a NL.....
 
belljr said:
KarmaPolice said:
belljr said:
Sounds like the other kid needs an elbow
Click to expand...
Yes, but that's also not how my kid is or how I raised him.
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sure, but sometimes you just have to stick up for yourself .... just an opinion

ANd I'm not one that like confrontations..... but I don't mean any disrespect or derailing the thread
Click to expand...
I said as much and his response was a version of the cliche that it's the retaliation that the penalty is called on - he basically shrugged and said all that would come of it would be he would get yelled at. His response has been to study how to beat this kids' few moves and try to shut him down.
 
BTW I dont envy you at all. I have an 8th grader whos kind of a loner too and is going through all these hormonal issues now and he will be trying out for the HS baseball team next year. So Im kind of not looking forward to it.
 
6'6" and lithe? Get him into swimming. Even if he's not a great swimmer, a coach will find a way to get that length to be competitive at the HS level. Plus, most swimmers are smart and cling together socially, so he'll have instant friends.

My son was a HS basketball player his first two years and despite starting every game, he absolutely HATED it. From the top down, the program was just toxic, cliquey and not a lot of fun. Covid put an end to his Soph season. His mom, step-mom and I were against him playing football, but during his Jr. year, we acquiesced and he tried out for the team. Played JV his Jr. year and his Sr. year was the starting RB. He LOVED football. Loved his coaches, loved the camaraderie, loved action. It was a great fit for him. Same school, different sport, vastly different experience. Something about HS basketball, man.

As for the racism, eek. Sad to learn that's a still a thing, but as a guy who grew up in Texas and went to college in Mississippi, I didn't realize how prevalent it was around me until I moved 2500 miles away. Kudos to your child for recognizing the awfulness of it and wanting to be away from it.
 
General Malaise said:
6'6" and lithe? Get him into swimming. Even if he's not a great swimmer, a coach will find a way to get that length to be competitive at the HS level. Plus, most swimmers are smart and cling together socially, so he'll have instant friends.

My son was a HS basketball player his first two years and despite starting every game, he absolutely HATED it. From the top down, the program was just toxic, cliquey and not a lot of fun. Covid put an end to his Soph season. His mom, step-mom and I were against him playing football, but during his Jr. year, we acquiesced and he tried out for the team. Played JV his Jr. year and his Sr. year was the starting RB. He LOVED football. Loved his coaches, loved the camaraderie, loved action. It was a great fit for him. Same school, different sport, vastly different experience. Something about HS basketball, man.

As for the racism, eek. Sad to learn that's a still a thing, but as a guy who grew up in Texas and went to college in Mississippi, I didn't realize how prevalent it was around me until I moved 2500 miles away. Kudos to your child for recognizing the awfulness of it and wanting to be away from it.
Click to expand...
Agree. I was thinking today that our talk tonight will include a suggestion for him to find a way to channel that energy - volunteer, think of something to improve the school like an anonymous way to post experiences on those lines, something.
 
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Chadstroma
Chadstroma

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