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I'm an alcoholic AMA (1 Viewer)

Alex P Keaton said:
This is awesome to read.   Keep it going tuffnutt.

I remember my first few months alcohol free were beyond challenging at times.   More than once, dealing with BS at work or home I would think “Jesus, this is why I liked to drink so much.”

Many years later now, that thought doesn’t even cross my mind.  Wouldn’t trade my life now for my old life.  

Not every day is easy or perfect, but on average it gets better a little bit each day.

Stryker, kudos for taking a big step and thanks for sharing your experience in the moment.
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Thanks Alex. I've said similar words to my wife "You wonder why I drink"

I've learned that those words aren't helpful and a justification for me and my drinking. 

I'm trying. That's all I have right now. I'm trying.

I'll answer anything else that comes up in the morning or over the next few days but I'm going to bed and have crazy yardwork to do. In the meantime thanks for letting me vent, if only for a bit. Luff ewe all

 
strykerpks said:
TLDR See title. I'm vulnerable right now and really trying to get #### right. You'll see below but maybe I just need some strangers help?

I'll try to answer any questions but please forgive me if I miss one, or two, or six.

My first sip of anything was probably in 1983 at 5 years old. I asked my old man why Pabst was what he drank during the Packer game (had I known Packers 80s I may have been a drinker back then). I hated it. 15 years later I'm hammering beers with my boys in the woods. Otherwise my first "beer" was at 13

Long story short, myself and my alias have the most posts in the drunk thread. That was simple weekend drinking, maybe a softball night after 30 pitchers. Then I started drinking at work. A local establishment has great burgers so I would go and have a few drinks for lunch. I know the owner and then he was buying them for me. Then the liquor store down the road had some good deals so I would bring it back to my office. A few cocktails at lunch. Then a few cocktails at my desk. Then straight booze all over. This was not good. But hey, I can hide it, right?

A month ago the VP came to my office and said "Open your door. There's no Covid. It's safe". I disagreed with him, likely slurring. But I told him that he was wrong. We had a fight. I told him he was full of #### and that the corporate response to Covid was incorrect. They have since changed the policy based on my recommendations but that will never see the light of day.

The following day I had already had my 2nd drink of the day in my office at 9:30am I was called into his office.

President, VP, HR and my boss essentially told me to GTFO. I was told it was a fireable offense but after 21 years I got the benefit of the doubt. Get into rehab, FLMA, etc or be fired.

So here I am. 10 days into rehab. I'm on a number of different drugs (lexapro, gabapentin, metropolol, naltrexone).  I don't know what to end with. We'll see
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Congrats on having a great day and one far superior to mine.

How did I spend my day?  Watching my partner cry on and off throughout the day because her 48 yo brother is dying because his liver is barely functioning and me crying for both of them.  When that wasn't happening, we were talking to him numerous times on the phone (covid only allows two visitors a day at the hospital).  Due to the ammonia in his blood that they can't get rid of, he can have great memories one moment and then be delirious describing the movie he is going to be in with us and the liver surgery his other brother is going to perform on a live feed for us.  This is actually an improvement over his first there days in the hospital when the medicine they were giving him to get his kidneys working was causing him to crap himself 6 times a day in bed.  Due to an under-staffed hospital his family would have to clean him the best they could until a nurse was free.  We're looking at another day or two of a steroid treatment and if the liver doesn't respond it's a death sentence.  Tomorrow or Monday they run the mortality numbers and tell us what to plan for.

He had a wake up call two years ago and was told that if he continued to drink, he would die from liver failure.  I hope you take your opportunity for a second chance seriously and it's results in a better outcome.  He did for about a year, but didn't treat the root cause and now he is going to die.  Your "problem" isn't your fault, it's a medical issue.  Please take it seriously and see out whatever avenue you can to treat it.

Wishing you the best of success and congrats on 10 days sober.  You should be proud of yourself for what you've accomplished thus far.

 
strykerpks said:
I've offered this info to a few people and most have used the word "balls". I get it. It does take "balls" to admit this kind of thing. But ultimately it's not the balls. It's me. Just me. I can stick my #### in the freezer and cold #### you but in the long run I'm still just me. 
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Fair enough.
 

Then perhaps I congratulate Your fear. The fear of losing everything you hold dear.  But most importantly, your willingness to confront that fear. Is it courageous?  Probably. Is it hella hard?  Yep. 
 

kudos dude.  You need anything, let me know. 

 
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Just piling on to say you got this. The booze can be a devil even for those of us who aren’t cracking one open at 9:30 am.  Just awful stuff. 

Pulling for you, hang in there.

 
I’m also an alcoholic. I’ve been sober for about 10 weeks. I was (am?) of the high functioning variety. I’ve used alcohol and drugs since age 14 (I’m 44) and I’ve known I’ve had a problem for a long time.
 

I was never the loud, obnoxious party guy, but I loved how drinking helped me numb out. My childhood wasn’t great, a lot of abuse in my house, and I have basically been self-medicating for 30 years. It’s always been my go to when things got tough. It’s not my place to call anyone else an alcoholic, but I think it’s safe to say it runs in my family. 
 

Kudos to you for putting this out there, and I wish you all the best. I listen to a few sobriety podcasts, and I find them really helpful. I’m still really early on in sobriety, and the cobwebs are still clearing out of my brain, but I feel much better than I did three months ago. Some days are pretty easy, others I have to take minute to minute.
 

I’m learning that by drinking I was giving up everything for one thing. By being sober, I’m giving up one thing for everything. Good luck to you. 

 
wilked said:
From what I understand you need to fully abstain. There is no middle ground on drinking with your pattern. Recognize that it’s either zero or it’s drunk by noon. Choose the former. 
 

wishing you well...  naltrexone works, maybe watch the move on it
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I know a few like this, basically the functional alcololic types that the OP had referenced to earlier.  Wilked is 100% correct here.  Somehow you will have to totally change your pettern, starting with waking up.  IDK if alcohol gives you a rush that early, or if its a coping mechanism.  I suspect its a little of both.  Did you consider going to a gym before work?  That can replace the high you had from booze - without the depression that eventually hits (booze is a depressant).  

 
Good luck stryk, I don’t have a lot of insight or wisdom but I know you’ve done the hard part admitting you have an addiction and getting help.  

 
You’re good people. Maybe next time I’m in town we can have a Coffeehole? Teahole? Kombuchahole?  Whatever you want other then the obvious.  ;)

 
I admire anyone that follows through on getting help for self-destructive (which it never is, there's always collateral damage) behavior.

First, there's admitting you need help. Guys hate admitting this. We're the fixers. But there is absolutely no shame in getting help.

Second, we live in a society where intemperance is nearly a virtue. To swim against that stream is difficult and requires character.

My FIL was told two years before he died to quit drinking or he'd be dead. He's been gone seven years now. He was a boisterously weak man.

So...kudos to you guys that get, accept, and follow through on getting the help you need to get things straightened out.

 
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There's a show on Amazon called Loudermilk; titular character runs a recovery group. The show is funny as hell.

I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing to watch a comedy about people in recovery while you're trying to get yourself right...I don't want to put you in harm's way. But maybe you can ask somebody there their thoughts, as the bottom line of the show is about the very work involved in staying sober. Totally recommend...and continue to wish you well.

 
BassNBrew said:
Congrats on having a great day and one far superior to mine.

How did I spend my day?  Watching my partner cry on and off throughout the day because her 48 yo brother is dying because his liver is barely functioning and me crying for both of them.  When that wasn't happening, we were talking to him numerous times on the phone (covid only allows two visitors a day at the hospital).  Due to the ammonia in his blood that they can't get rid of, he can have great memories one moment and then be delirious describing the movie he is going to be in with us and the liver surgery his other brother is going to perform on a live feed for us.  This is actually an improvement over his first there days in the hospital when the medicine they were giving him to get his kidneys working was causing him to crap himself 6 times a day in bed.  Due to an under-staffed hospital his family would have to clean him the best they could until a nurse was free.  We're looking at another day or two of a steroid treatment and if the liver doesn't respond it's a death sentence.  Tomorrow or Monday they run the mortality numbers and tell us what to plan for.

He had a wake up call two years ago and was told that if he continued to drink, he would die from liver failure.  I hope you take your opportunity for a second chance seriously and it's results in a better outcome.  He did for about a year, but didn't treat the root cause and now he is going to die.  Your "problem" isn't your fault, it's a medical issue.  Please take it seriously and see out whatever avenue you can to treat it.

Wishing you the best of success and congrats on 10 days sober.  You should be proud of yourself for what you've accomplished thus far.
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So sorry BnB. It's these type of stories that are brutal for me...and probably anyone reading, but ultimately help because I can visualize the endgame if I keep doing what I was doing. My uncle died 3 years ago due to a number of alcohol related issues. Liver failure, heart disease, pancreas, you name it. But "I'm stronger than that. He had a problem, I don't" was my mindset.

When I told my mom about all this, she started crying. Not because she was mad, disappointed, or sad about what I'm going through, but because she was proud of me. Proud. Proud that I'm recognizing it at a relatively early stage, admitting it, and getting the help needed. That conversation will stick with me forever.

I'm very sorry that you and your partner are going through this. I hope for the best of outcomes. No one deserves that.

 
Man In The Box said:
I’m also an alcoholic. I’ve been sober for about 10 weeks. I was (am?) of the high functioning variety. I’ve used alcohol and drugs since age 14 (I’m 44) and I’ve known I’ve had a problem for a long time.
 

I was never the loud, obnoxious party guy, but I loved how drinking helped me numb out. My childhood wasn’t great, a lot of abuse in my house, and I have basically been self-medicating for 30 years. It’s always been my go to when things got tough. It’s not my place to call anyone else an alcoholic, but I think it’s safe to say it runs in my family. 
 

Kudos to you for putting this out there, and I wish you all the best. I listen to a few sobriety podcasts, and I find them really helpful. I’m still really early on in sobriety, and the cobwebs are still clearing out of my brain, but I feel much better than I did three months ago. Some days are pretty easy, others I have to take minute to minute.
 

I’m learning that by drinking I was giving up everything for one thing. By being sober, I’m giving up one thing for everything. Good luck to you. 
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Thank you. I really like the bolded. I'm going to steal that. 

I started this thread kind of selfishly to put it out there and for my own catharticism (probably not a word but whatevs). But I hope anyone going through it chimes in and uses it as a sounding board. Thanks again for sharing.

 
Just seeing this. Oh boy, strykerpks, I don't have anything funny or witty or deep to add. You've probably known this since you first needed a drink to get straight in the day. You've certainly been aware of it while posting, but only a ninny would say something on a message board if it's not him doing the saying, know what I mean?

But you're ahead. Some people it takes more than twenty, thirty, forty years to realize it. You might actually be extraordinarily lucky that it's not too late. Peace, man, and it might take a time (or some time) or two (or double time) before you get this, but get all the help you can and you'll get this. In my thoughts and dailies.

 
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strykerpks said:
Thank you. I really like the bolded. I'm going to steal that. 

I started this thread kind of selfishly to put it out there and for my own catharticism (probably not a word but whatevs). But I hope anyone going through it chimes in and uses it as a sounding board. Thanks again for sharing.
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You’re welcome. I didn’t come up with that myself, I heard it somewhere and it stuck with me. I’m not a big cliche guy, but that one is very useful. I didn’t want to hijack your thread by over sharing but wanted you to know that you’ve taken a huge step and you’re not alone. Not even close. Be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up if you slip up. 

 
Strykerpks,

  Good luck with this.  I quit drinking 10 months ago.  I wouldn't say I was an Alcoholic but I probably enjoyed alcohol more than I should have.  I recently completed an Intensive Outpatient Patient Rehab program for reasons I won't go in to here and one of the things we did in the program was watch the documentary film "Pleasure Unwoven."  It's a fascinating film that shows how Alcoholism is actually a disease, just like any other you'd go to a doctor for.  I'd heard that in the past but always just considered it a bit of an excuse alcoholics use to explain their behavior.  But the film, narrated and written by a Dr. who is a recovering addict, shows scientifically why addiction is in fact a disease.   I highly recommend this video for anyone, addict or not.  It was eye opening to me.  It won't help with your rehab but will help you understand what changes addiction makes to the brain and how addiction can be treated, just like any other disease.

 
i hope you see the community you have supporting you here. when i came down from my high horse, it was joining my community and finding my commonality which gave me what i needed to fill the emptiness i was trying to outrun. come on in - you'll be fine. GL -

 
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strykerpks said:
I was told not so. It's the utility baseball player that can do LF, SS, C, pitch in a 17-2 game.....it does a lot of things well, but not one thing very very well. 

I'm being monitored with 2 pee tests/week, and a blood draw. They're pretty on top of what I'm taking. The gab is helping me sleep so they're ok with it. I'm on the lowest dose possible and am actually taking less. I'm allowed 1-3 pills up to 4x per day. I take one in the morning, one in the afternoon and 2 at night.
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Ok.  I would maybe ask what is the sunset plan on that.  I'm not a Dr.  

 
culdeus said:
Ok.  I would maybe ask what is the sunset plan on that.  I'm not a Dr.  
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Gabapentin is typically only used during acute detox, but can be used long term. For most people, you just stop it after a week or less, though it may need to be tapered to prevent withdrawal, if higher doses are used for longer periods.

Does it have addictive potential? Sure, but it poses a much smaller risk than drinking in excess. So even if it is required chronically, you can think of it as a method of harm reduction, loosely analogous to methadone for opioid addiction. And like methadone, people who get into trouble with Neurontin usually do so with multiple co-ingestions, typically other sedatives.

In working with patients over 20 years, I've taken care of plenty of cirrhotics like BassNBrew's brother-in-law - it's a terrible disease for both patients and families/loved ones. I've also seen many, many alcoholics in various stages of withdrawal. But I've never dealt with anyone who required hospitalization for Neurontin addiction.

I don't know strykerpks, but he's clearly taking steps in the right direction to control his addiction. Abstinence from alcohol should be his main goal, not worrying about the small risks posed by medications which facilitate sobriety.

 
strykerpks said:
Thanks Alex. I've said similar words to my wife "You wonder why I drink"

I've learned that those words aren't helpful and a justification for me and my drinking. 

I'm trying. That's all I have right now. I'm trying.
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I withheld comment yesterday about the bolded mostly due to the your final comments in that post (the most important part).  But since you are indeed here for input, I'll throw in my two cents.  Those were absolutely brutal words for her to hear.  You were only thinking about yourself and you obviously realize this by now, but it sounds like you also try to diminish the damage when you follow it up by saying it simply wasn't "helpful".  That's putting it lightly, at best.  And the "justification" part comes off as an excuse.  I think they (or you) are going easy on you there.  And if for good reason, then fair enough.

I know you didn't mean it to be so harsh at the time and no way were you thinking clearly (just wait til that comes around, you're going to love it), but to take a line from a song, "some words when spoken, can't be taken back".  At least not right now they can't (from what you've stated about her).  I'm sure that apology has been made but imo it can't be overstated and should not come with any sort of excuse leaning up against it.  Your comments above don't come off that way and if that was just semantics, I apologize.

I do believe you'll do it and these massive first steps taken are working, good for you.  I have all the respect in the world for that.  Keep it going, a lot of people love you.

 
I've never had a drink because I've seen what it can do in my family in particular.  I do believe genetically some people are pre-disposed to becoming an alcoholic.  What I've also seen in select family members is that it can be overcome, even after a lifetime of drinking (heavy alcoholic with 25+ years).  My father has now been sober longer in my life (27 years) than he was as an alcoholic (21 years).  He would correct me on the last part, saying even to this day he is still a recovering alcoholic and as cliche as it sounds, he takes it one day at a time.

Praying that you find the strength you need to overcome this situation.

 
Corporation said:
I've never had a drink because I've seen what it can do in my family in particular.  I do believe genetically some people are pre-disposed to becoming an alcoholic.  What I've also seen in select family members is that it can be overcome, even after a lifetime of drinking (heavy alcoholic with 25+ years).  My father has now been sober longer in my life (27 years) than he was as an alcoholic (21 years).  He would correct me on the last part, saying even to this day he is still a recovering alcoholic and as cliche as it sounds, he takes it one day at a time.

Praying that you find the strength you need to overcome this situation.
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that seems a bit severe.  

 
Hey man. You’re wise enough to get help. That makes you an awesome person. That it. 

If you need me to go further and get weird, fine! Let’s get weird!

You have the strength, ironically what you and others prolly think is a weakness, but it isn’t. It’s your openness to get help that makes you strong. Cliche, corny- whatevs bruh- you letting yourself open to get help takes courage. What’s the alternative? Getting worse? 
 

Straigh up- THANK YOU @strykerpksfor being awesome! Duck yeah for being a baller and improving yourself. Look at it this way. It’s impossible for you not to come out a better person for this. You’re making the wise and harder decision and stand to improve yourself. You got this. 
 

Way to to adult! You got this!

 
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Wishing you the best. Just wondering what your exercise routine is like. 

I'm a fairly heavy weekend drinker and when I would abstain for extended periods,  my exercise would increase since I was "bored".  Also, helps you sleep. Plus your exercise is better since you're not hung over.

Hang in there and take advantage of the second chance.

 
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Corporation said:
I've never had a drink because I've seen what it can do in my family in particular.  I do believe genetically some people are pre-disposed to becoming an alcoholic.  What I've also seen in select family members is that it can be overcome, even after a lifetime of drinking (heavy alcoholic with 25+ years).  My father has now been sober longer in my life (27 years) than he was as an alcoholic (21 years).  He would correct me on the last part, saying even to this day he is still a recovering alcoholic and as cliche as it sounds, he takes it one day at a time.

Praying that you find the strength you need to overcome this situation.
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You're absolutely right about the genetics. While a drink wouldn't guarantee you'd become an alcoholic, your chances are probably greater than the average bear.

It's great you haven't bent to the colossal amount of societal/peer pressure to drink - to steal from Andy Dufresne, intemperance is not a virtue. Many people require years of bad experiences and "growing up" to develop a healthy relationship with alcohol, and some are incapable of moderation. You don't have to worry about any of that if you never develop the habit.

 
Definitely rooting for you and praying for your success. Stay strong brother, and lean on others when you feel that strength flagging. 

 
i had to quit after my heart attack should have a long time ago and it was hard i did pace around looking for a drink and staying the course through certain times when i would usually have one was like taking a shot to the gut but the worst part for me was going from good time swc to hey why doesnt swc come hang out with us at the tap anymore basically the social aspect of it was what was rough but i sort of changed up my crew and figured out who from my old crew would respect what i was doing and going through and stay sober around me basically you find out a lot about who youre true friends are and for everyone this thing is different and no one going through this needs a lecture from swc but here are some things i hope youll come to learn 1 you will probably have a failure but its human and just apogize to this who love you explain how hard it is but dont accept failure and get right back on the damn train 2 it is an effing  superpower and believe me even if they dont say it those who love you are proud of you and gaining respect for you every clean day and hey every clean day is a day you should be proud of you are literally out willpowering an addiction and that takes some sort of sand  3 you got this take that to the bank brohan 

 
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strykerpks said:
TLDR See title. I'm vulnerable right now and really trying to get #### right. You'll see below but maybe I just need some strangers help?

I'll try to answer any questions but please forgive me if I miss one, or two, or six.

My first sip of anything was probably in 1983 at 5 years old. I asked my old man why Pabst was what he drank during the Packer game (had I known Packers 80s I may have been a drinker back then). I hated it. 15 years later I'm hammering beers with my boys in the woods. Otherwise my first "beer" was at 13

Long story short, myself and my alias have the most posts in the drunk thread. That was simple weekend drinking, maybe a softball night after 30 pitchers. Then I started drinking at work. A local establishment has great burgers so I would go and have a few drinks for lunch. I know the owner and then he was buying them for me. Then the liquor store down the road had some good deals so I would bring it back to my office. A few cocktails at lunch. Then a few cocktails at my desk. Then straight booze all over. This was not good. But hey, I can hide it, right?

A month ago the VP came to my office and said "Open your door. There's no Covid. It's safe". I disagreed with him, likely slurring. But I told him that he was wrong. We had a fight. I told him he was full of #### and that the corporate response to Covid was incorrect. They have since changed the policy based on my recommendations but that will never see the light of day.

The following day I had already had my 2nd drink of the day in my office at 9:30am I was called into his office.

President, VP, HR and my boss essentially told me to GTFO. I was told it was a fireable offense but after 21 years I got the benefit of the doubt. Get into rehab, FLMA, etc or be fired.

So here I am. 10 days into rehab. I'm on a number of different drugs (lexapro, gabapentin, metropolol, naltrexone).  I don't know what to end with. We'll see
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Pulling for you. I know a few folks who are alcoholics and my younger brother died a while back after years of narcotic addition. You have a difficult path but it's been done by a great many people before you. It is doable. It's work. But you can do it. Pulling for and praying for you.

 
It is cliche but the whole take everything a day at a time is big for many.  Just keep strong and continue to show the strength you have shown in coming to grips with this and taking back control of your life over alcohol.  Have several friends who have gone through it...all have come out much better than they were.   Have a whole bunch Im sure that you are close to pulling for you as well as a community like this.

 
SWC said:
i had to quit after my heart attack should have a long time ago and it was hard i did pace around looking for a drink and staying the course through certain times when i would usually have one was like taking a shot to the gut but the worst part for me was going from good time swc to hey why doesnt swc come hang out with us at the tap anymore basically the social aspect of it was what was rough but i sort of changed up my crew and figured out who from my old crew would respect what i was doing and going through and stay sober around me basically you find out a lot about who youre true friends are and for everyone this thing is different and no one going through this needs a lecture from swc but here are some things i hope youll come to learn 1 you will probably have a failure but its human and just apogize to this who love you explain how hard it is but dont accept failure and get right back on the damn train 2 it is an effing  superpower and believe me even if they dont say it those who love you are proud of you and gaining respect for you every clean day and hey every clean day is a day you should be proud of you are literally out willpowering an addiction and that takes some sort of sand  3 you got this take that to the bank brohan 
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SWC - just wondering brohan - did your cardiologist say you had to to stop drinking entirely? Binge drinking is a risk to getting a heart attack.  It will show up in triglycerides.  I'm a social drinker.  Few times a week, never drunk, but have a high tolerance and when I'm at my golf tournament with my boys etc I can have 5+ vodka sodas.  Cardiologist just told me as a rule to keep it at 2.  My blood work, stress tests etc are all really good so think I'm OK but don't want another Big One.

 
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https://urbanmilwaukee.com/2019/05/19/high-tolerance-how-states-drinking-culture-developed/

Another drunk from Wisconsin.....geez, that's the least shocking news I'll hear all day! I grew up in Wisconsin, just like you, felt that drinking was my birthright and I owe it to myself and Wisconsin to carry on the tradition. There's a lot of pressure to drink when you live in a place where one of the nicknames is, "Whiskey." Good luck with your sobriety, brother. You came to the right place....we are ALL rooting for you and some of us may be looking at ourselves through you. 

#### em Bucky!

 
Judge Smails said:
SWC - just wondering brohan - did your cardiologist say you had to to stop drinking entirely? Binge drinking is a risk to getting a heart attack.  It will show up in triglycerides.  I'm a social drinker.  Few times a week, never drunk, but have a high tolerance and when I'm at my golf tournament with my boys etc I can have 5+ vodka sodas.  Cardiologist just told me as a rule to keep it at 2.  My blood work, stress tests etc are all really good so think I'm OK but don't want another Big One.
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it was a message of moderation or not at all and because if i have 1 the question isnt should i have another the question is how many are in the house i will have those and then i eat like crap and the next day is a mess and i dont work out etc and i need to toe the line i decided it was time to stop frankly i got real close to not making it and it scared the hell and the booze out of me now i am dealing with the aftermath and i think honestly it is making me a better person take that to the bank brohan  

 
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Is it possible that maybe some people can tolerate insane amounts of booze without puking or passing out and some can't?   Ina another way maybe there are just those that can simply function on more?  

The addiction then comes from something like genetics.  This is either a daily thing or a bachelor party or holiday event thing. 

 
culdeus said:
Is it possible that maybe some people can tolerate insane amounts of booze without puking or passing out and some can't?   Ina another way maybe there are just those that can simply function on more?  

The addiction then comes from something like genetics.  This is either a daily thing or a bachelor party or holiday event thing. 
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I think tolerance is more a nurture rather than nature thing.  The professional alcoholics have trained their bodies with the dedication of Olympians.

 
culdeus said:
Is it possible that maybe some people can tolerate insane amounts of booze without puking or passing out and some can't?   Ina another way maybe there are just those that can simply function on more?  

The addiction then comes from something like genetics.  This is either a daily thing or a bachelor party or holiday event thing. 
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It is possible.  Like I said, I have a really high threshold.  From 2-7 vodka soda I can be in a buzzed state.  Not stupid, never close to passing out, never blacked out in my life.  I've seen other have 2 drinks and be wasted.  It's not necessarily a good thing. I'm glad I can maintain but not happy when I think of the intake.

 
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