Dining in groups (4 Viewers)

[waiver wire]

ask for a separate bill . not a big issue up here in Canada. if i go out friends or drinking buddies. Everyone can order what they want and afford.

 

[ProstheticRGK]

I have a different issue in eating out in group settings. Say two couples go out. Wife and I each get a moderate entree, a soft drink or water, no apps or desert. The other couple both get a couple of cocktails, an app, the most expensive entrees on the menu, and split a dessert. The bill comes and the couple throws down a credit card and suggests we split the bill. This happens way too frequently and involves my wife’s friends or relatives.

Since I am the one that usually gets the other half of the bill, I am not a huge fan of this situation. I don’t feel like subsidizing an extra $50+ for stuff we didn’t consume. The situation only gets worse when my wife’s solution is for me to pay the ENTIRE bill instead. (There is no quid pro quo where the other couple will pay the next time.)

And she said suggesting separate checks is embarrassing. That was my solution, but short of that I have to just realize I am going to take a loss in going out beforehand.

The thing to do when “Let’s just split the check” is suggested is say “yeah, absolutely! Then ask the waiter for a menu, order 2 desserts and coffee with port and digestifs, and a couple of steak or lobster dishes to go.

When the other couple protests, jump to your feet and yell: “Aha! Hoisted on your own petard!” and leave them with the whole bill.

 

[TakiToki]

With modern restaurant software, the act of splitting checks should add effectively zero effort for the server (granted, running multiple cards does add effort, but I am meaning to compare with splitting the bill evenly).

So, for my pet peeve in this restaurant extravaganza, I dislike it when someone announces before the meal that he or she will be picking up the check for the whole table (unless it's someone with whom I am close and is well off). I then feel obligated to watch the cost of my meal and drinks.

Now, if one wants to pay the bill after seeing me eat a pricey entree with a few top-shelf scotches, then that is far more palatable to me. If I run up a big bill, I will make more than a token effort to pay my way, but will graciously accept the kind gesture upon insistence.

 

[FiredMartz]

had a ahole co-worker....... that when we went to lunch and he knew company was paying so he would order most expensive thing on menu

At Chillis...orders appetizer. Full on steak dinner, soda and tea, brownie and ice cream desert....at lunch

 

[Terminalxylem]

had a ahole co-worker....... that when we went to lunch and he knew company was paying so he would order most expensive thing on menu

At Chillis...orders appetizer. Full on steak dinner, soda and tea, brownie and ice cream desert....at lunch

Agree it’s obnoxious, but isn’t that what many do on the company dime - expensive meals, hotels, flights, etc.?

 

[Drunken knight]

had a ahole co-worker....... that when we went to lunch and he knew company was paying so he would order most expensive thing on menu

At Chillis...orders appetizer. Full on steak dinner, soda and tea, brownie and ice cream desert....at lunch

Agree it’s obnoxious, but isn’t that what many do on the company dime - expensive meals, hotels, flights, etc.?

ordering what you like is fine. always targeting the highest priced menu items is a Richard move imo.

 

[Joe Bryant]

If I know another person is paying the bill, I would order something middle of the price range. Even if I would have ordered something more expensive had I been paying. That just seems like good form.

 

[Snoopy]

had a ahole co-worker....... that when we went to lunch and he knew company was paying so he would order most expensive thing on menu

At Chillis...orders appetizer. Full on steak dinner, soda and tea, brownie and ice cream desert....at lunch

Agree it’s obnoxious, but isn’t that what many do on the company dime - expensive meals, hotels, flights, etc.?

Where I worked, the company had limits to how much they would reimburse you and had requirements stating you had to fly coach and stay in a budget hotel.

 

[Terminalxylem]

had a ahole co-worker....... that when we went to lunch and he knew company was paying so he would order most expensive thing on menu

At Chillis...orders appetizer. Full on steak dinner, soda and tea, brownie and ice cream desert....at lunch

Agree it’s obnoxious, but isn’t that what many do on the company dime - expensive meals, hotels, flights, etc.?

ordering what you like is fine. always targeting the highest priced menu items is a Richard move imo.

Agree you should order what you want, and not adjust it based on who’s paying. Alcohol makes it a little trickier though.

 

[jobarules]

Newsflash: going out to eat with a group of people isn't about eating

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Newsflash: going out to eat with a group of people isn't about eating

Maybe not for you.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Newsflash: going out to eat with a group of people isn't about eating

Maybe not for you.

Some of us can multitask.

 

[Terminalxylem]

If there are multiple empty plates, I occasionally stack them as well. I may be wrong, but I believe this helps the server, while decluttering the table

I always do this

Yeah, I think it’s the right thing to do, but sometimes wonder if the waitstaff prefers stacking plates/utensils in a specific way.

Related, I don’t like unnecessary removal of unused, or even lightly used flatware. Also try to reuse plates when I (rarely) go to buffets.

in general, the server would prefer you not to stack the plates.

a bullet point for fine dining service: anything that is not being used should be removed from the table ASAP.

**UPDATE**

After this exchange, I’ve adjusted my dining behavior. No more plate piling.

Currently, I have friends visiting, a couple and their daughter. While at dinner one night, I was elated to see the wife stacking her family’s menus, even before I had a chance to do so. What a conscientious, efficient individual, I thought to myself. I quickly followed suit, and the ordering proceeded without much fanfare.

Well, there were a couple substitutions, and their 17-year-old inexplicably ordered off the kids’ menu. But I grit my teeth, maintaining laser focus - I’m here to relax, damnit!

Several appetizers arrived, replete with share plates, which we rapidly devoured. Empty plates and soiled utensils were piling up. I positioned my flatware in the customary 4:20 position, to signal I was done, avoiding the stacking temptation.

But my efforts were in vain, as friend’s wife independently stacked several plates, and moved them to the edge of the table.

I tried to provide feedback based on FBG knowledge, but she wasn’t having it. Unstacking wasn’t an option.

So we decided to solicit input from the waitstaff. Customer stacked plates in hand, the waitress sheepishly admitted her preference: let the workers stack the plates.

So you guys were right. I’m convinced, but despite all evidence to the contrary, friend’s wife stacked dinner, then dessert plates. What an uptight, rigid individual, I thought to myself.

 

[massraider]

Where's that thread where we report suspected bots?

 

[General Malaise]

Where's that thread where we report suspected bots?

Bots don't do humor. That was funny.

 

[3C's]

Only a bot would talk about 1/2 drinks per day

 

[DA RAIDERS]

If there are multiple empty plates, I occasionally stack them as well. I may be wrong, but I believe this helps the server, while decluttering the table

I always do this

Yeah, I think it’s the right thing to do, but sometimes wonder if the waitstaff prefers stacking plates/utensils in a specific way.

Related, I don’t like unnecessary removal of unused, or even lightly used flatware. Also try to reuse plates when I (rarely) go to buffets.

in general, the server would prefer you not to stack the plates.

a bullet point for fine dining service: anything that is not being used should be removed from the table ASAP.

**UPDATE**

After this exchange, I’ve adjusted my dining behavior. No more plate piling.

Currently, I have friends visiting, a couple and their daughter. While at dinner one night, I was elated to see the wife stacking her family’s menus, even before I had a chance to do so. What a conscientious, efficient individual, I thought to myself. I quickly followed suit, and the ordering proceeded without much fanfare.

Well, there were a couple substitutions, and their 17-year-old inexplicably ordered off the kids’ menu. But I grit my teeth, maintaining laser focus - I’m here to relax, damnit!

Several appetizers arrived, replete with share plates, which we rapidly devoured. Empty plates and soiled utensils were piling up. I positioned my flatware in the customary 4:20 position, to signal I was done, avoiding the stacking temptation.

But my efforts were in vain, as friend’s wife independently stacked several plates, and moved them to the edge of the table.

I tried to provide feedback based on FBG knowledge, but she wasn’t having it. Unstacking wasn’t an option.

So we decided to solicit input from the waitstaff. Customer stacked plates in hand, the waitress sheepishly admitted her preference: let the workers stack the plates.

So you guys were right. I’m convinced, but despite all evidence to the contrary, friend’s wife stacked dinner, then dessert plates. What an uptight, rigid individual, I thought to myself.

Did the child request a kids menu? Or was it printed on the regular menu?

 

[Terminalxylem]

If there are multiple empty plates, I occasionally stack them as well. I may be wrong, but I believe this helps the server, while decluttering the table

I always do this

Yeah, I think it’s the right thing to do, but sometimes wonder if the waitstaff prefers stacking plates/utensils in a specific way.

Related, I don’t like unnecessary removal of unused, or even lightly used flatware. Also try to reuse plates when I (rarely) go to buffets.

in general, the server would prefer you not to stack the plates.

a bullet point for fine dining service: anything that is not being used should be removed from the table ASAP.

**UPDATE**

After this exchange, I’ve adjusted my dining behavior. No more plate piling.

Currently, I have friends visiting, a couple and their daughter. While at dinner one night, I was elated to see the wife stacking her family’s menus, even before I had a chance to do so. What a conscientious, efficient individual, I thought to myself. I quickly followed suit, and the ordering proceeded without much fanfare.

Well, there were a couple substitutions, and their 17-year-old inexplicably ordered off the kids’ menu. But I grit my teeth, maintaining laser focus - I’m here to relax, damnit!

Several appetizers arrived, replete with share plates, which we rapidly devoured. Empty plates and soiled utensils were piling up. I positioned my flatware in the customary 4:20 position, to signal I was done, avoiding the stacking temptation.

But my efforts were in vain, as friend’s wife independently stacked several plates, and moved them to the edge of the table.

I tried to provide feedback based on FBG knowledge, but she wasn’t having it. Unstacking wasn’t an option.

So we decided to solicit input from the waitstaff. Customer stacked plates in hand, the waitress sheepishly admitted her preference: let the workers stack the plates.

So you guys were right. I’m convinced, but despite all evidence to the contrary, friend’s wife stacked dinner, then dessert plates. What an uptight, rigid individual, I thought to myself.

Did the child request a kids menu? Or was it printed on the regular menu?

Parents did, after nothing was appetizing on the regular menu. She had hamburgers or plain pasta nearly every meal.

I know kids can be picky, and that certainly can extend into adulthood, but my other friends’ teens are much more adventurous eaters.

 

[Zow]

had a ahole co-worker....... that when we went to lunch and he knew company was paying so he would order most expensive thing on menu

At Chillis...orders appetizer. Full on steak dinner, soda and tea, brownie and ice cream desert....at lunch

Agree it’s obnoxious, but isn’t that what many do on the company dime - expensive meals, hotels, flights, etc.?

ordering what you like is fine. always targeting the highest priced menu items is a Richard move imo.

Yep. We had an associate attorney at my office for awhile that would do this. I routinely take associates and paralegals to lunch, especially during trials, because we need to keep working so it's absolutely fair/expected for the company to pick up lunch (and, of course, the employee is also paid for this time and/or on salary). Usually it's never an issue, but, this particular associate attorney, would not only pick the restaurant but would then order off the dinner menu, get dessert, and get like an iced tea as well as some espresso shot or something. Final straw was when we went to this place she picked out and the tab between the two of us was ~$100.

I said nothing, took the bill to my managing partner, and just explained that of that $100 I had a $15 burger and the rest was on her. Not a massive deal, but it's just a distasteful look and my point is that such may matter down the line. When in doubt, just order something comparable to what the company person paying the bill orders and, if it's lunch, order off the damn lunch menu.

 

[Zow]

If I know another person is paying the bill, I would order something middle of the price range. Even if I would have ordered something more expensive had I been paying. That just seems like good form.

I always try to let the person paying order first, then I make sure to not order something significantly more expensive. To help with this tactic if I'm worried the person will likely order after me, I'll try to start a conversation to see what everybody is ordering and go from there.

 

[Instinctive]

If I know another person is paying the bill, I would order something middle of the price range. Even if I would have ordered something more expensive had I been paying. That just seems like good form.

I always try to let the person paying order first, then I make sure to not order something significantly more expensive. To help with this tactic if I'm worried the person will likely order after me, I'll try to start a conversation to see what everybody is ordering and go from there.

I pretty much just always order what I would order if I was paying and offer to pay. if that was predetermined, I also try not to go first but probably already know what I plan to get so I'll audible if suddenly other personis WAY lower but that basically never happens.

 

[Gally]

If I know another person is paying the bill, I would order something middle of the price range. Even if I would have ordered something more expensive had I been paying. That just seems like good form.

I always try to let the person paying order first, then I make sure to not order something significantly more expensive. To help with this tactic if I'm worried the person will likely order after me, I'll try to start a conversation to see what everybody is ordering and go from there.

I pretty much just always order what I would order if I was paying and offer to pay. if that was predetermined, I also try not to go first but probably already know what I plan to get so I'll audible if suddenly other personis WAY lower but that basically never happens.

Just go with the soup. Save the meal for later.

 

[Terminalxylem]

If I know another person is paying the bill, I would order something middle of the price range. Even if I would have ordered something more expensive had I been paying. That just seems like good form.

I always try to let the person paying order first, then I make sure to not order something significantly more expensive. To help with this tactic if I'm worried the person will likely order after me, I'll try to start a conversation to see what everybody is ordering and go from there.

I agree with not ordering expensive stuff just because someone else is paying, especially if it’s the corporate dime.

But among friends, I’ll order what I want to eat, even if it’s pricy. If paying for the meal is problematic, then you shouldn’t offer in the first place.*

*I go out of my way to pay more than my “fair” share of group tabs, whether splitting, or picking up the whole thing. I also never order more than one drink, and typically stick with water.

 

[Zow]

If I know another person is paying the bill, I would order something middle of the price range. Even if I would have ordered something more expensive had I been paying. That just seems like good form.

I always try to let the person paying order first, then I make sure to not order something significantly more expensive. To help with this tactic if I'm worried the person will likely order after me, I'll try to start a conversation to see what everybody is ordering and go from there.

I agree with not ordering expensive stuff just because someone else is paying, especially if it’s the corporate dime.

But among friends, I’ll order what I want to eat, even if it’s pricy. If paying for the meal is problematic, then you shouldn’t offer in the first place.*

*I go out of my way to pay more than my “fair” share of group tabs, whether splitting, or picking up the whole thing. I also never order more than one drink, and typically stick with water.

Yeah, that's generally different. My comment is only intended for those situations where it's pretty clear and expected that somebody else is paying.

 

[Don Quixote]

Parents did, after nothing was appetizing on the regular menu. She had hamburgers or plain pasta nearly every meal.

I know kids can be picky, and that certainly can extend into adulthood, but my other friends’ teens are much more adventurous eaters.

Could be tongue-tied. Preferring easy to chew foods (and burgers and pasta would fit that). Associated with being a picky eater, as well as being a slow eater; basically everything that you hate. I’ve got tongue tie and considered surgery for it (might help with my apnea too), but have not done it.

 

[Kanil]

had a ahole co-worker....... that when we went to lunch and he knew company was paying so he would order most expensive thing on menu

At Chillis...orders appetizer. Full on steak dinner, soda and tea, brownie and ice cream desert....at lunch

This doesn't exactly fit this thread but had this situation come up late last year:
Three couples: Couple A - My wife and I, Couple B - Our very close friends, and Couple C - Neighbors of our close friends who we had met a couple times before but were not close with.

We are going out to a high end sushi restaurant to celebrate Husband B getting his PhD. This place doesn't take reservations and is usually a 90minute wait to get in. They also have two menus, normal menu and "$$flown from Japan this morning$$" menu. After we put our names in we decided to go across the street and enjoy some happy hour drinks and apps while we wait for our table. Normally couple A&B just chop the bill 50/50 as it usually ends up fairly close. We suggested this to couple C while at the happy hour and they had no problem with it, happy hour bill was all fairly even, and everything worked out.

THEN we went to dinner. After couples A&B have ordered, wife C orders and is about on par with what everyone else ordered. Husband C literally orders one of everything on the fresh from Japan menu and a $100 bottle of saki "for the table" (after the table has already ordered cocktails). We all end up toasting with the $100 saki bottle and, in fairness, he and his wife probably only had half that bottle. But he then orders a SECOND bottle. At that point my wife looked at me like WTF. Normally, I'm the most laid back guy you'll ever meet so I was going to just roll with it but when he went to the bathroom my wife said she was going to say something when the check came. Whatever, happy wife, happy life.

We finish dinner and the check comes back at $1800... and is already paid by husband C when he "went to the bathroom". Felt like a total ***.


We're now good friends with couple C and have done a few group vacations/golf trips with them but I can't help but wonder what it would be like if they hadn't picked up the tab.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Parents did, after nothing was appetizing on the regular menu. She had hamburgers or plain pasta nearly every meal.

I know kids can be picky, and that certainly can extend into adulthood, but my other friends’ teens are much more adventurous eaters.

Could be tongue-tied. Preferring easy to chew foods (and burgers and pasta would fit that). Associated with being a picky eater, as well as being a slow eater; basically everything that you hate. I’ve got tongue tie and considered surgery for it (might help with my apnea too), but have not done it.

Possibly, but she just seemed picky, and a little spoiled.

One other thing about their family dining habits surprised me: the parents encouraged her to get mocktails. She had a couple “virgin” beverages with every dinner, and most lunches.

She’s 17, and probably has already imbibed the real thing, but struck me as a little odd. I know mocktails are trendy among younger people, so maybe this is more common nowadays? Regardless, it likely will promote a transition to the equivalent adult beverages, if it hasn’t already.

FTR, both parents are into craft beer, and mom in particular had no problem downing 3-5 brews, between organizing plates.

 

[Terminalxylem]

had a ahole co-worker....... that when we went to lunch and he knew company was paying so he would order most expensive thing on menu

At Chillis...orders appetizer. Full on steak dinner, soda and tea, brownie and ice cream desert....at lunch

This doesn't exactly fit this thread but had this situation come up late last year:
Three couples: Couple A - My wife and I, Couple B - Our very close friends, and Couple C - Neighbors of our close friends who we had met a couple times before but were not close with.

We are going out to a high end sushi restaurant to celebrate Husband B getting his PhD. This place doesn't take reservations and is usually a 90minute wait to get in. They also have two menus, normal menu and "$$flown from Japan this morning$$" menu. After we put our names in we decided to go across the street and enjoy some happy hour drinks and apps while we wait for our table. Normally couple A&B just chop the bill 50/50 as it usually ends up fairly close. We suggested this to couple C while at the happy hour and they had no problem with it, happy hour bill was all fairly even, and everything worked out.

THEN we went to dinner. After couples A&B have ordered, wife C orders and is about on par with what everyone else ordered. Husband C literally orders one of everything on the fresh from Japan menu and a $100 bottle of saki "for the table" (after the table has already ordered cocktails). We all end up toasting with the $100 saki bottle and, in fairness, he and his wife probably only had half that bottle. But he then orders a SECOND bottle. At that point my wife looked at me like WTF. Normally, I'm the most laid back guy you'll ever meet so I was going to just roll with it but when he went to the bathroom my wife said she was going to say something when the check came. Whatever, happy wife, happy life.

We finish dinner and the check comes back at $1800... and is already paid by husband C when he "went to the bathroom". Felt like a total ***.


We're now good friends with couple C and have done a few group vacations/golf trips with them but I can't help but wonder what it would be like if they hadn't picked up the tab.

Couple C did the right thing, given the circumstances. What’s the payment situation when you go out now?

 

[Joe Bryant]

But among friends, I’ll order what I want to eat, even if it’s pricy. If paying for the meal is problematic, then you shouldn’t offer in the first place.*

*I go out of my way to pay more than my “fair” share of group tabs, whether splitting, or picking up the whole thing. I also never order more than one drink, and typically stick with water.

Totally disagree there.

Especially among friends, I want to be considerate there. The "well you shouldn't have offered if it was a problem for you" is never how I'd want it to go with friends.

 

[Joe Bryant]

had a ahole co-worker....... that when we went to lunch and he knew company was paying so he would order most expensive thing on menu

At Chillis...orders appetizer. Full on steak dinner, soda and tea, brownie and ice cream desert....at lunch

This doesn't exactly fit this thread but had this situation come up late last year:
Three couples: Couple A - My wife and I, Couple B - Our very close friends, and Couple C - Neighbors of our close friends who we had met a couple times before but were not close with.

We are going out to a high end sushi restaurant to celebrate Husband B getting his PhD. This place doesn't take reservations and is usually a 90minute wait to get in. They also have two menus, normal menu and "$$flown from Japan this morning$$" menu. After we put our names in we decided to go across the street and enjoy some happy hour drinks and apps while we wait for our table. Normally couple A&B just chop the bill 50/50 as it usually ends up fairly close. We suggested this to couple C while at the happy hour and they had no problem with it, happy hour bill was all fairly even, and everything worked out.

THEN we went to dinner. After couples A&B have ordered, wife C orders and is about on par with what everyone else ordered. Husband C literally orders one of everything on the fresh from Japan menu and a $100 bottle of saki "for the table" (after the table has already ordered cocktails). We all end up toasting with the $100 saki bottle and, in fairness, he and his wife probably only had half that bottle. But he then orders a SECOND bottle. At that point my wife looked at me like WTF. Normally, I'm the most laid back guy you'll ever meet so I was going to just roll with it but when he went to the bathroom my wife said she was going to say something when the check came. Whatever, happy wife, happy life.

We finish dinner and the check comes back at $1800... and is already paid by husband C when he "went to the bathroom". Felt like a total ***.


We're now good friends with couple C and have done a few group vacations/golf trips with them but I can't help but wonder what it would be like if they hadn't picked up the tab.

Yes, I can't imagine any situation other than how that went. If you're going to go that far off scale from what everyone is doing, you're effectively saying "I'll pay for all of this".

That could still be a problem though as some people might feel weird about having their dinner bought for them if they weren't planning on it. Or not like the other guy playing big spender.

 

[Terminalxylem]

But among friends, I’ll order what I want to eat, even if it’s pricy. If paying for the meal is problematic, then you shouldn’t offer in the first place.*

*I go out of my way to pay more than my “fair” share of group tabs, whether splitting, or picking up the whole thing. I also never order more than one drink, and typically stick with water.

Totally disagree there.

Especially among friends, I want to be considerate there. The "well you shouldn't have offered if it was a problem for you" is never how I'd want it to go with friends.

I don’t think it’s inconsiderate to feel at ease with friends, and understand what you’re getting into, before you offer.

Also, because my wife and I rarely drink + choose at least one vegetarian entree, our portion of the bill is almost always less than booze-swilling, meat-eating friends. So we tend to spend less by default.

 

[Kanil]

had a ahole co-worker....... that when we went to lunch and he knew company was paying so he would order most expensive thing on menu

At Chillis...orders appetizer. Full on steak dinner, soda and tea, brownie and ice cream desert....at lunch

This doesn't exactly fit this thread but had this situation come up late last year:
Three couples: Couple A - My wife and I, Couple B - Our very close friends, and Couple C - Neighbors of our close friends who we had met a couple times before but were not close with.

We are going out to a high end sushi restaurant to celebrate Husband B getting his PhD. This place doesn't take reservations and is usually a 90minute wait to get in. They also have two menus, normal menu and "$$flown from Japan this morning$$" menu. After we put our names in we decided to go across the street and enjoy some happy hour drinks and apps while we wait for our table. Normally couple A&B just chop the bill 50/50 as it usually ends up fairly close. We suggested this to couple C while at the happy hour and they had no problem with it, happy hour bill was all fairly even, and everything worked out.

THEN we went to dinner. After couples A&B have ordered, wife C orders and is about on par with what everyone else ordered. Husband C literally orders one of everything on the fresh from Japan menu and a $100 bottle of saki "for the table" (after the table has already ordered cocktails). We all end up toasting with the $100 saki bottle and, in fairness, he and his wife probably only had half that bottle. But he then orders a SECOND bottle. At that point my wife looked at me like WTF. Normally, I'm the most laid back guy you'll ever meet so I was going to just roll with it but when he went to the bathroom my wife said she was going to say something when the check came. Whatever, happy wife, happy life.

We finish dinner and the check comes back at $1800... and is already paid by husband C when he "went to the bathroom". Felt like a total ***.


We're now good friends with couple C and have done a few group vacations/golf trips with them but I can't help but wonder what it would be like if they hadn't picked up the tab.

Couple C did the right thing, given the circumstances. What’s the payment situation when you go out now?

We normally chop it evenly between whoever is out there. All three couples have 1 kid so even when we all go out as families it ends up being fairly even.

 

[Kanil]

had a ahole co-worker....... that when we went to lunch and he knew company was paying so he would order most expensive thing on menu

At Chillis...orders appetizer. Full on steak dinner, soda and tea, brownie and ice cream desert....at lunch

This doesn't exactly fit this thread but had this situation come up late last year:
Three couples: Couple A - My wife and I, Couple B - Our very close friends, and Couple C - Neighbors of our close friends who we had met a couple times before but were not close with.

We are going out to a high end sushi restaurant to celebrate Husband B getting his PhD. This place doesn't take reservations and is usually a 90minute wait to get in. They also have two menus, normal menu and "$$flown from Japan this morning$$" menu. After we put our names in we decided to go across the street and enjoy some happy hour drinks and apps while we wait for our table. Normally couple A&B just chop the bill 50/50 as it usually ends up fairly close. We suggested this to couple C while at the happy hour and they had no problem with it, happy hour bill was all fairly even, and everything worked out.

THEN we went to dinner. After couples A&B have ordered, wife C orders and is about on par with what everyone else ordered. Husband C literally orders one of everything on the fresh from Japan menu and a $100 bottle of saki "for the table" (after the table has already ordered cocktails). We all end up toasting with the $100 saki bottle and, in fairness, he and his wife probably only had half that bottle. But he then orders a SECOND bottle. At that point my wife looked at me like WTF. Normally, I'm the most laid back guy you'll ever meet so I was going to just roll with it but when he went to the bathroom my wife said she was going to say something when the check came. Whatever, happy wife, happy life.

We finish dinner and the check comes back at $1800... and is already paid by husband C when he "went to the bathroom". Felt like a total ***.


We're now good friends with couple C and have done a few group vacations/golf trips with them but I can't help but wonder what it would be like if they hadn't picked up the tab.

Yes, I can't imagine any situation other than how that went. If you're going to go that far off scale from what everyone is doing, you're effectively saying "I'll pay for all of this".

That could still be a problem though as some people might feel weird about having their dinner bought for them if they weren't planning on it. Or not like the other guy playing big spender.

Agreed. And now that I know the guy it was pretty obvious but at the time all I could think was "the audacity of this MFer". I later brought it up with him and we had a good laugh and still occasionally use it as an opportunity to give each other a hard time.

 

[massraider]

had a ahole co-worker....... that when we went to lunch and he knew company was paying so he would order most expensive thing on menu

At Chillis...orders appetizer. Full on steak dinner, soda and tea, brownie and ice cream desert....at lunch

This doesn't exactly fit this thread but had this situation come up late last year:
Three couples: Couple A - My wife and I, Couple B - Our very close friends, and Couple C - Neighbors of our close friends who we had met a couple times before but were not close with.

We are going out to a high end sushi restaurant to celebrate Husband B getting his PhD. This place doesn't take reservations and is usually a 90minute wait to get in. They also have two menus, normal menu and "$$flown from Japan this morning$$" menu. After we put our names in we decided to go across the street and enjoy some happy hour drinks and apps while we wait for our table. Normally couple A&B just chop the bill 50/50 as it usually ends up fairly close. We suggested this to couple C while at the happy hour and they had no problem with it, happy hour bill was all fairly even, and everything worked out.

THEN we went to dinner. After couples A&B have ordered, wife C orders and is about on par with what everyone else ordered. Husband C literally orders one of everything on the fresh from Japan menu and a $100 bottle of saki "for the table" (after the table has already ordered cocktails). We all end up toasting with the $100 saki bottle and, in fairness, he and his wife probably only had half that bottle. But he then orders a SECOND bottle. At that point my wife looked at me like WTF. Normally, I'm the most laid back guy you'll ever meet so I was going to just roll with it but when he went to the bathroom my wife said she was going to say something when the check came. Whatever, happy wife, happy life.

We finish dinner and the check comes back at $1800... and is already paid by husband C when he "went to the bathroom". Felt like a total ***.


We're now good friends with couple C and have done a few group vacations/golf trips with them but I can't help but wonder what it would be like if they hadn't picked up the tab.

Couple C did the right thing, given the circumstances. What’s the payment situation when you go out now?

Pretty sure Husband C knew when he ordered he was gonna get the whole tab.

Question I have for @Kanil , did couple B have an idea Husband C might do that? Feels like if they know him well, they might have seen that before.

I have some friends who like to go big on wine, and they usually have a separate tab they take care of, so they can order whatever they want.

 

[Drunken knight]

had a ahole co-worker....... that when we went to lunch and he knew company was paying so he would order most expensive thing on menu

At Chillis...orders appetizer. Full on steak dinner, soda and tea, brownie and ice cream desert....at lunch

This doesn't exactly fit this thread but had this situation come up late last year:
Three couples: Couple A - My wife and I, Couple B - Our very close friends, and Couple C - Neighbors of our close friends who we had met a couple times before but were not close with.

We are going out to a high end sushi restaurant to celebrate Husband B getting his PhD. This place doesn't take reservations and is usually a 90minute wait to get in. They also have two menus, normal menu and "$$flown from Japan this morning$$" menu. After we put our names in we decided to go across the street and enjoy some happy hour drinks and apps while we wait for our table. Normally couple A&B just chop the bill 50/50 as it usually ends up fairly close. We suggested this to couple C while at the happy hour and they had no problem with it, happy hour bill was all fairly even, and everything worked out.

THEN we went to dinner. After couples A&B have ordered, wife C orders and is about on par with what everyone else ordered. Husband C literally orders one of everything on the fresh from Japan menu and a $100 bottle of saki "for the table" (after the table has already ordered cocktails). We all end up toasting with the $100 saki bottle and, in fairness, he and his wife probably only had half that bottle. But he then orders a SECOND bottle. At that point my wife looked at me like WTF. Normally, I'm the most laid back guy you'll ever meet so I was going to just roll with it but when he went to the bathroom my wife said she was going to say something when the check came. Whatever, happy wife, happy life.

We finish dinner and the check comes back at $1800... and is already paid by husband C when he "went to the bathroom". Felt like a total ***.


We're now good friends with couple C and have done a few group vacations/golf trips with them but I can't help but wonder what it would be like if they hadn't picked up the tab.

Couple C did the right thing, given the circumstances. What’s the payment situation when you go out now?

Pretty sure Husband C knew when he ordered he was gonna get the whole tab.

Question I have for @Kanil , did couple B have an idea Husband C might do that? Feels like if they know him well, they might have seen that before.

I have some friends who like to go big on wine, and they usually have a separate tab they take care of, so they can order whatever they want.

couple B threw hand grenade (couple C) in the middle of the room to see how couple A would handle it

 

[massraider]

couple B threw hand grenade (couple C) in the middle of the room to see how couple A would handle it

Yea.

Anyone I have ever seen that does that kinda thing (and God bless 'em), they do it all the time. At worst, I figure Couple B knew Husband C was likely to get the whole tab.

 

[Anarchy99]

I was thinking about this thread when I went out to eat with my wife last night (she wanted to go out rather than make something and was the one paying). I got one of the specials and didn't look at the price (paired with tap water). My wife got a couple of glasses of wine, an appetizer, and an entree. Tax and tip came to north of $100.00. My entree was a few dollars more than hers, but if we broke down the bill, she accounted for two-thirds to my one-third. She didn't really want to spend over $100 on dinner and got all uppity about how much I spent on my entree. I mentioned I didn't realize it cost that much (basically $4-5 more than other entrees) and said if it was too much money, then I would gladly pay for myself. That didn't really go over well, and I was essentially told to quit buying the most expensive thing on the menu. (For the record, I got something mid-range for pricing.) My comeback was that if "we" didn't want to spend that much going out for dinner, then maybe "we" should have picked a different restaurant.

 

[Instinctive]

I was thinking about this thread when I went out to eat with my wife last night (she wanted to go out rather than make something and was the one paying). I got one of the specials and didn't look at the price (paired with tap water). My wife got a couple of glasses of wine, an appetizer, and an entree. Tax and tip came to north of $100.00. My entree was a few dollars more than hers, but if we broke down the bill, she accounted for two-thirds to my one-third. She didn't really want to spend over $100 on dinner and got all uppity about how much I spent on my entree. I mentioned I didn't realize it cost that much (basically $4-5 more than other entrees) and said if it was too much money, then I would gladly pay for myself. That didn't really go over well, and I was essentially told to quit buying the most expensive thing on the menu. (For the record, I got something mid-range for pricing.) My comeback was that if "we" didn't want to spend that much going out for dinner, then maybe "we" should have picked a different restaurant.

Probably the wrong thread but I'm so confused by the wife and the who pays for who. Are you married or do you just call her wife?

 

[Terminalxylem]

I was thinking about this thread when I went out to eat with my wife last night (she wanted to go out rather than make something and was the one paying). I got one of the specials and didn't look at the price (paired with tap water). My wife got a couple of glasses of wine, an appetizer, and an entree. Tax and tip came to north of $100.00. My entree was a few dollars more than hers, but if we broke down the bill, she accounted for two-thirds to my one-third. She didn't really want to spend over $100 on dinner and got all uppity about how much I spent on my entree. I mentioned I didn't realize it cost that much (basically $4-5 more than other entrees) and said if it was too much money, then I would gladly pay for myself. That didn't really go over well, and I was essentially told to quit buying the most expensive thing on the menu. (For the record, I got something mid-range for pricing.) My comeback was that if "we" didn't want to spend that much going out for dinner, then maybe "we" should have picked a different restaurant.

Probably the wrong thread but I'm so confused by the wife and the who pays for who. Are you married or do you just call her wife?

Exactly- aren’t you and your wife paying from the same pot?

 

[gianmarco]

I was thinking about this thread when I went out to eat with my wife last night (she wanted to go out rather than make something and was the one paying). I got one of the specials and didn't look at the price (paired with tap water). My wife got a couple of glasses of wine, an appetizer, and an entree. Tax and tip came to north of $100.00. My entree was a few dollars more than hers, but if we broke down the bill, she accounted for two-thirds to my one-third. She didn't really want to spend over $100 on dinner and got all uppity about how much I spent on my entree. I mentioned I didn't realize it cost that much (basically $4-5 more than other entrees) and said if it was too much money, then I would gladly pay for myself. That didn't really go over well, and I was essentially told to quit buying the most expensive thing on the menu. (For the record, I got something mid-range for pricing.) My comeback was that if "we" didn't want to spend that much going out for dinner, then maybe "we" should have picked a different restaurant.

Probably the wrong thread but I'm so confused by the wife and the who pays for who. Are you married or do you just call her wife?

Exactly- aren’t you and your wife paying from the same pot?

I started a thread about this a while ago when I learned how common it was for married couples, especially younger ones, kept separate finances.

It's hard for me to understand.

 

[gianmarco]

I was thinking about this thread when I went out to eat with my wife last night (she wanted to go out rather than make something and was the one paying). I got one of the specials and didn't look at the price (paired with tap water). My wife got a couple of glasses of wine, an appetizer, and an entree. Tax and tip came to north of $100.00. My entree was a few dollars more than hers, but if we broke down the bill, she accounted for two-thirds to my one-third. She didn't really want to spend over $100 on dinner and got all uppity about how much I spent on my entree. I mentioned I didn't realize it cost that much (basically $4-5 more than other entrees) and said if it was too much money, then I would gladly pay for myself. That didn't really go over well, and I was essentially told to quit buying the most expensive thing on the menu. (For the record, I got something mid-range for pricing.) My comeback was that if "we" didn't want to spend that much going out for dinner, then maybe "we" should have picked a different restaurant.

Probably the wrong thread but I'm so confused by the wife and the who pays for who. Are you married or do you just call her wife?

Exactly- aren’t you and your wife paying from the same pot?

I started a thread about this a while ago when I learned how common it was for married couples, especially younger ones, kept separate finances.

It's hard for me to understand.

Here's the thread

 

[Ilov80s]

I started a thread about this a while ago when I learned how common it was for married couples, especially younger ones, kept separate finances.

It's hard for me to understand.

My wife and I have always kept 3 accounts: hers, mine and ours. The ours is the biggest one. We put the most significant amount of paychecks into, use it to pay the major bills like home, cars, etc. If she's buying some shoes, she uses her account. If I am out at the bar with friends, I use mine. If we go out to eat together, sometimes I treat. Sometimes she does. Sometimes we use the joint account. Depends.

 

[bigbottom]

I’m going to go kiss my wife and give her a big hug.

 

[General Malaise]

I was thinking about this thread when I went out to eat with my wife last night (she wanted to go out rather than make something and was the one paying). I got one of the specials and didn't look at the price (paired with tap water). My wife got a couple of glasses of wine, an appetizer, and an entree. Tax and tip came to north of $100.00. My entree was a few dollars more than hers, but if we broke down the bill, she accounted for two-thirds to my one-third. She didn't really want to spend over $100 on dinner and got all uppity about how much I spent on my entree. I mentioned I didn't realize it cost that much (basically $4-5 more than other entrees) and said if it was too much money, then I would gladly pay for myself. That didn't really go over well, and I was essentially told to quit buying the most expensive thing on the menu. (For the record, I got something mid-range for pricing.) My comeback was that if "we" didn't want to spend that much going out for dinner, then maybe "we" should have picked a different restaurant.

This reads like a person making up a story in a Reddit "Am I the A**hole" post. Come on.....

 

[-fish-]

I don't understand any of this. My friends and I either try to sneak a card to the server to pay the tab or we pay credit card roulette.

 

[Terminalxylem]

I was thinking about this thread when I went out to eat with my wife last night (she wanted to go out rather than make something and was the one paying). I got one of the specials and didn't look at the price (paired with tap water). My wife got a couple of glasses of wine, an appetizer, and an entree. Tax and tip came to north of $100.00. My entree was a few dollars more than hers, but if we broke down the bill, she accounted for two-thirds to my one-third. She didn't really want to spend over $100 on dinner and got all uppity about how much I spent on my entree. I mentioned I didn't realize it cost that much (basically $4-5 more than other entrees) and said if it was too much money, then I would gladly pay for myself. That didn't really go over well, and I was essentially told to quit buying the most expensive thing on the menu. (For the record, I got something mid-range for pricing.) My comeback was that if "we" didn't want to spend that much going out for dinner, then maybe "we" should have picked a different restaurant.

Probably the wrong thread but I'm so confused by the wife and the who pays for who. Are you married or do you just call her wife?

Exactly- aren’t you and your wife paying from the same pot?

I started a thread about this a while ago when I learned how common it was for married couples, especially younger ones, kept separate finances.

It's hard for me to understand.

Yeah, my wife and I have separate accounts, and don’t track how much the other spends, and on what. If it weren’t for recent estate planning, we’d have no idea how much money is in the accounts.

That said, we both willingly pay for whatever bills arise, without regard for who incurred the expense. We have no joint accounts for shared expenses; we just pay for stuff when the need arises.

 

[Terminalxylem]

I don't understand any of this. My friends and I either try to sneak a card to the server to pay the tab or we pay credit card roulette.

That’s what we do as well, and me and the wife usually “win”.

Younger people hate that method though, and the existence of payment aps makes it simultaneously easier, and more complicated

 

[Anarchy99]

I was thinking about this thread when I went out to eat with my wife last night (she wanted to go out rather than make something and was the one paying). I got one of the specials and didn't look at the price (paired with tap water). My wife got a couple of glasses of wine, an appetizer, and an entree. Tax and tip came to north of $100.00. My entree was a few dollars more than hers, but if we broke down the bill, she accounted for two-thirds to my one-third. She didn't really want to spend over $100 on dinner and got all uppity about how much I spent on my entree. I mentioned I didn't realize it cost that much (basically $4-5 more than other entrees) and said if it was too much money, then I would gladly pay for myself. That didn't really go over well, and I was essentially told to quit buying the most expensive thing on the menu. (For the record, I got something mid-range for pricing.) My comeback was that if "we" didn't want to spend that much going out for dinner, then maybe "we" should have picked a different restaurant.

Probably the wrong thread but I'm so confused by the wife and the who pays for who. Are you married or do you just call her wife?

Yes, we are actually married and have been for a very long time. When we got married, she had young kids and got child support for years, so she didn't want to co-mingle our finances. It never changed since then. The way we do things, we each pay toward our joint bills, pay our individual bills, and whatever is left over is our individual discretionary money. When it comes to food, the way we do it is we each cook two nights a week, one night is usually leftover night or guys or girls not out, and we each pay one night a week to go out to dinner on the weekends. If either one of us doesn't feel like cooking on our assigned night, that person can elect to go out to eat instead (and pick up the tab). That's what happened on the night I described. She hasn't really come to the realization that everything is in reality "our" money. I realize this is probably an atypical situation, but it's been that way the entire time for us.

 

[Keerock]

My wife and I are married 36 years. We've had joint accounts since day 1. I really don't understand the separate account strategy.

Anyway... like @bigbottom... giving my wife a big hug when she gets home from work

 

[the moops]

I don't understand any of this. My friends and I either try to sneak a card to the server to pay the tab or we pay credit card roulette.

You don't understand splitting a bill?