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Tips for a 1st Time Dad: HELP! (1 Viewer)

pediatricians are great. very smart. they know their ####. but they aren't with your kid every day. if a small bottle helps to calm the nerves. a small bottle it is.

 
So a couple months later, looking for some advice. Daughter is now a little over 6 months old and doing great. The sleep issues I talked about back in May got a little better, especially the daytime naps, but nights were still hard. The biggest issue we faced was that she started going down very easy, but basically treated night time like another nap. She'd wake up anywhere from 30 mins to 1:30 later and be wanting to play. It would take a lot to get her down and we were still too reliant on the pacifier to keep her soothed. She kind of backtracked on her ability to self soothe. Anyway, we had a really brutal couple week stretch where she had a fever, bad congestion, a cough, and her first couple of teeth coming in.

Now that we're thankfully past all that we wanted to re-sleep train her. She actually finally started rolling onto her stomach so we thought that would help her stay sleeping, as her own movements were waking her up a lot. Our plan was to use cry it out. Night one, went down easy, up 45 mins later after a "nap", and then we let her cry for about 1:15. She finally fell asleep, and stayed asleep until about 5:30am (her somewhat normal wakeup time recently). Great.

Last night, she started screaming almost immediately after I put her down, she cried for only about 50 mins this time (progress on night 2, great!), and passed out. She blew through her normal "nap" wakeup and kept on sleeping. She woke up at about 3;30am crying, seemingly upset that she was on her stomach and couldn't soothe herself either by grabbing one of the pacifiers in the crib or just getting more comfortable.

So at that point, what would you do? Just let her cry until she fell back asleep? The consensus seem to vary here. 

We let her cry. She went on for about an hour with no end in sight. I snuck into her room and was able to slide her pacifier near her mouth, which she put in and fell asleep immediately after I rubbed the back of her head once. About 20 mins later she woke up again. I went and checked her diaper, no #### but it was massively wet, so I changed her. Put her back down. She cried a lot more, but seemed to kind of doze off a couple times. She was fully back up and screaming again by 6:30. We let her go until about 7 when I grabbed her and gave her a bottle. Knowing her, if she would have been able to roll onto her back at this wakeup, she would have happily played in her crib for 30-45 mins which she usually does. That's a whole separate thing which we'll work on.

Anyway, my thought was that it would have made more sense to go in very soon after that initial wakeup. If she had a massive dump in her diaper, we would have wanted to change her. So wouldn't it make more sense to get that done right away, so she could then hopefully cry it out and fall back asleep from that point? Going in an hour or whatever later obviously defeats the purpose. 

Not looking for perfection overnight, I'm definitely happy with how the first couple nights have gone at bedtime. Just want to make sure we have the right approach for the middle of the night stuff. 

I know CIO isn't used by everyone so appreciate any advice regardless of your approach. Thanks GBs. 

 
Let her cry it out, it'll get easier. It sucks I know.

We didn't let our older cry it out, he now basically sleeps in our bed nightly... he's 4 and the size of your average 6 year old, it sucks balls, Id kill to get him in his bed every night.

Refused to make that mistake with his little brother who is now 1.5, let him cry, never interfered. He sleeps great in his room until 7am all the time.

 
fantasycurse42 said:
Let her cry it out, it'll get easier. It sucks I know.

We didn't let our older cry it out, he now basically sleeps in our bed nightly... he's 4 and the size of your average 6 year old, it sucks balls, Id kill to get him in his bed every night.

Refused to make that mistake with his little brother who is now 1.5, let him cry, never interfered. He sleeps great in his room until 7am all the time.
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Yup we did the same thing with our 2nd. He started sleeping through the night much sooner than the 1st and sleeps a solid 10-12 straight now.

 
RUSF18 said:
So a couple months later, looking for some advice. Daughter is now a little over 6 months old and doing great. The sleep issues I talked about back in May got a little better, especially the daytime naps, but nights were still hard. The biggest issue we faced was that she started going down very easy, but basically treated night time like another nap. She'd wake up anywhere from 30 mins to 1:30 later and be wanting to play. It would take a lot to get her down and we were still too reliant on the pacifier to keep her soothed. She kind of backtracked on her ability to self soothe. Anyway, we had a really brutal couple week stretch where she had a fever, bad congestion, a cough, and her first couple of teeth coming in.

Now that we're thankfully past all that we wanted to re-sleep train her. She actually finally started rolling onto her stomach so we thought that would help her stay sleeping, as her own movements were waking her up a lot. Our plan was to use cry it out. Night one, went down easy, up 45 mins later after a "nap", and then we let her cry for about 1:15. She finally fell asleep, and stayed asleep until about 5:30am (her somewhat normal wakeup time recently). Great.

Last night, she started screaming almost immediately after I put her down, she cried for only about 50 mins this time (progress on night 2, great!), and passed out. She blew through her normal "nap" wakeup and kept on sleeping. She woke up at about 3;30am crying, seemingly upset that she was on her stomach and couldn't soothe herself either by grabbing one of the pacifiers in the crib or just getting more comfortable.

So at that point, what would you do? Just let her cry until she fell back asleep? The consensus seem to vary here. 

We let her cry. She went on for about an hour with no end in sight. I snuck into her room and was able to slide her pacifier near her mouth, which she put in and fell asleep immediately after I rubbed the back of her head once. About 20 mins later she woke up again. I went and checked her diaper, no #### but it was massively wet, so I changed her. Put her back down. She cried a lot more, but seemed to kind of doze off a couple times. She was fully back up and screaming again by 6:30. We let her go until about 7 when I grabbed her and gave her a bottle. Knowing her, if she would have been able to roll onto her back at this wakeup, she would have happily played in her crib for 30-45 mins which she usually does. That's a whole separate thing which we'll work on.

Anyway, my thought was that it would have made more sense to go in very soon after that initial wakeup. If she had a massive dump in her diaper, we would have wanted to change her. So wouldn't it make more sense to get that done right away, so she could then hopefully cry it out and fall back asleep from that point? Going in an hour or whatever later obviously defeats the purpose. 

Not looking for perfection overnight, I'm definitely happy with how the first couple nights have gone at bedtime. Just want to make sure we have the right approach for the middle of the night stuff. 

I know CIO isn't used by everyone so appreciate any advice regardless of your approach. Thanks GBs. 
Click to expand...
Welcome to parenthood. Where no matter what you try, it never seems to work. And then it finally works for no particular reason.  :lol:

 
I don't have advice for letting her cry it out... we didn't go that route. and even though it took longer for them to sleep through the night, both kids do, need no help putting themselves down, and fall asleep almost instantly. Throwing that out there to offset any ideas that soothing automatically means later sleep issues.

Good luck, gb, but stick with whatever method you decide. Hard to see past it when you're sleep deprived yourself, but it will pass... even thiugh there will probably be future regressions with teething, sickness, etc... Which will all pass. Sounds like she's doing great!

 
fantasycurse42 said:
Let her cry it out, it'll get easier. It sucks I know.

We didn't let our older cry it out, he now basically sleeps in our bed nightly... he's 4 and the size of your average 6 year old, it sucks balls, Id kill to get him in his bed every night.

Refused to make that mistake with his little brother who is now 1.5, let him cry, never interfered. He sleeps great in his room until 7am all the time.
Click to expand...
Totally get it, but if your kid had a massive load in his diaper, would he ever just eventually fall asleep? That's really my question. 

 
BTW I was doing some googling last night and ended up looking at a couple moms forums. 

If you thought the way we treated each other deserved some kind of manifesto, you should see how those #####es yell at each other from opposite sides of the Cry It Out debate. Brutal!

 
RUSF18 said:
BTW I was doing some googling last night and ended up looking at a couple moms forums. 

If you thought the way we treated each other deserved some kind of manifesto, you should see how those #####es yell at each other from opposite sides of the Cry It Out debate. Brutal!
Click to expand...
:lmao: Urban baby? My wife used to look at that... Lines drawn in the sand about every possible choice- especially, breast feeding, sleep and potty training- and then fought ruthlessly tooth and nail. Horrible, horrible place... Like the politics threads but way more mean.

 
RUSF18 said:
Totally get it, but if your kid had a massive load in his diaper, would he ever just eventually fall asleep? That's really my question. 
Click to expand...
Caveat with my lack of cry it out... but imo you should at first and then taper off.

Part of the sleep training is training their bodily functions... which you don't have any control over. Tge recommended sleep training age (iirc, 4 mo) coincides with their bladder being big enough to make it through night without peeing. 

 
El Floppo said:
:lmao: Urban baby? My wife used to look at that... Lines drawn in the sand about every possible choice- especially, breast feeding, sleep and potty training- and then fought ruthlessly tooth and nail. Horrible, horrible place... Like the politics threads but way more mean.
Click to expand...
Something like that but can't say for sure, and there's no way in hell I'm going back to check. 

 
El Floppo said:
:lmao: Urban baby? My wife used to look at that... Lines drawn in the sand about every possible choice- especially, breast feeding, sleep and potty training- and then fought ruthlessly tooth and nail. Horrible, horrible place... Like the politics threads but way more mean.
Click to expand...
i forbade the gf from these type of sites after our daughter was born.  YENTA CENTRAL!!11!1!  :excited:   :oldunsure:

just, no ... instead, i encouraged her to start a group that met in person twice a week for support, tips, play dates, etc

and now, some 11 years later, every one of those ladies are still in touch with her on a daily basis, and have become some of her closest friends. 

 
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RUSF18 said:
Totally get it, but if your kid had a massive load in his diaper, would he ever just eventually fall asleep? That's really my question. 
Click to expand...
Yeah, for this reason at that age I'd check to see if there was a problem that was quickly fixable (diaper, pacifier fell out, hungry, etc.). There are no right answers though. 

 
Skoo said:
All is well man, thanks for asking!

Obviously as a new dad I have no frame of reference, but he's been great so far. He's up over 11 pounds and is getting chunky which makes him even cuter. Started smiling a week or two ago. It's a really great feeling to see them recognize you and then smile. Incredible actually. 
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I thought I was so cynical as to be immune to this, but it really is pretty much the best. 

 
El Floppo said:
:lmao: Urban baby? My wife used to look at that... Lines drawn in the sand about every possible choice- especially, breast feeding, sleep and potty training- and then fought ruthlessly tooth and nail. Horrible, horrible place... Like the politics threads but way more mean.
Click to expand...
Yeah, my wife looks at DC Urban Moms.  It is the absolute worst. 

 
Frankly, I'd do a quick check for diaper conditions and general safety.  Then a soothing word or two and back out.  No picking up, which really wakes the kid up.  (I mean, you'd wake up if someone did that, wouldn't you?)  The middle ground might work best here.  I figure she should know you'll show up when she calls but it shouldn't be the Macy's Parade or something.

 
Mrs. Rannous said:
Frankly, I'd do a quick check for diaper conditions and general safety.  Then a soothing word or two and back out.  No picking up, which really wakes the kid up.  (I mean, you'd wake up if someone did that, wouldn't you?)  The middle ground might work best here.  I figure she should know you'll show up when she calls but it shouldn't be the Macy's Parade or something.
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Good stuff, thanks (same to others). I actually had to go in the other night for a minute cause she managed to move enough where she was smacking her head against the headboard.

 
Later bedtime last night as she took a huge last nap. Down to crying for about 30-35 mins and she slept from about 8:10 to 6:45  :wub:   :thumbup:   :wub: .

Of course I was up at 4:30 with my back hurting cause I'm an old man.

 
Cant echo enough the sentiment that all kids are different and all families are different. 

What works for us probably doesnt work for most. I dont sleep a lot so for us this works. I actually wake my daughter up around 2am every morning. I dont try to, but inevitably it happens when i pick her up and am changing her. Her diaper is always very wet and sometimes has poop. I then give her a small bottle and she falls asleep again and makes it until the morning. It is the only time during the night she wakes up. 

We have a owl lantern night light that has a timer that lasts 20 minutes. That thing is always on still by the time she is out cold again. 

Here is the kicker and why it doesnt work for everybody. Some nights it is midnight, some 1, some as late as 3. I pretty much perfected this with my son many moons ago(i realize these two kids are half my dna and my sample size is two so this wont work with all kids). We have a very good baby monitor with two cameras i mounted above crib. The sound is fantastic. Lots of voodoo science here i imagine, but i feel like i can read when the right time is. She might be slightly restless, she might start breathing differently, she sometimes literally puts her arms straight in the air. Sometimes i can actually see that her diaper is full so i do it then. 

My wife has been sleeping through the night every day since she stopped trying to breast feed, which was pretty early for us since our daughter was losing weight and barely getting anything. 

It is the best 15 minutes of my day right now since she is mumbling consonants and quite frequently falls asleep saying "dadadada". 

 
RUSF18 said:
Later bedtime last night as she took a huge last nap. Down to crying for about 30-35 mins and she slept from about 8:10 to 6:45  :wub:   :thumbup:   :wub: .

Of course I was up at 4:30 with my back hurting cause I'm an old man.
Click to expand...
Breastfed or bottle?

if the child is waking after 45 mins I would think it's from hunger. Are you feeding right before bed? 

 
parasaurolophus said:
Cant echo enough the sentiment that all kids are different and all families are different. 

What works for us probably doesnt work for most. I dont sleep a lot so for us this works. I actually wake my daughter up around 2am every morning. I dont try to, but inevitably it happens when i pick her up and am changing her. Her diaper is always very wet and sometimes has poop. I then give her a small bottle and she falls asleep again and makes it until the morning. It is the only time during the night she wakes up. 

We have a owl lantern night light that has a timer that lasts 20 minutes. That thing is always on still by the time she is out cold again. 

Here is the kicker and why it doesnt work for everybody. Some nights it is midnight, some 1, some as late as 3. I pretty much perfected this with my son many moons ago(i realize these two kids are half my dna and my sample size is two so this wont work with all kids). We have a very good baby monitor with two cameras i mounted above crib. The sound is fantastic. Lots of voodoo science here i imagine, but i feel like i can read when the right time is. She might be slightly restless, she might start breathing differently, she sometimes literally puts her arms straight in the air. Sometimes i can actually see that her diaper is full so i do it then. 

My wife has been sleeping through the night every day since she stopped trying to breast feed, which was pretty early for us since our daughter was losing weight and barely getting anything. 

It is the best 15 minutes of my day right now since she is mumbling consonants and quite frequently falls asleep saying "dadadada". 
Click to expand...
YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG

I rarely minded those late night feedings... Pretty amazing to be there for your kid like that, really for the first time.

Nothing like those first few months; newborns are uniquely incredible.

 
wilked said:
Breastfed or bottle?

if the child is waking after 45 mins I would think it's from hunger. Are you feeding right before bed? 
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Bottle with formula. She gets a nice big one about 45 mins to an hour before we put her down. I think it was more just her sleep cycle being messed up than hungry. We'd be able to get her back to sleep pretty quickly and most times she would wake up with a big smile on her face.

The last few nights with the training she's avoided that quick wakeup.

 
Nothing more heartbreaking than seeing your kid sick and so so miserable. We've been fortunate that our 9.5 month old has only had a couple minor things so far but what she's dealing with this week is knocking her around bad. Teething, some kind of stomach bug, awful diaper rash as a result, bad cold, food going right through her...the whole nine. She's the happiest little baby in the world 99% of the time so it's such a huge change and it's so sad. I keep reminding myself that even though these last few days have felt like a month, she'll kick this soon and be back to her usual ways but I would undergo legitimate torture if it meant seeing her back to herself already. 

 
RUSF18 said:
Nothing more heartbreaking than seeing your kid sick and so so miserable. We've been fortunate that our 9.5 month old has only had a couple minor things so far but what she's dealing with this week is knocking her around bad. Teething, some kind of stomach bug, awful diaper rash as a result, bad cold, food going right through her...the whole nine. She's the happiest little baby in the world 99% of the time so it's such a huge change and it's so sad. I keep reminding myself that even though these last few days have felt like a month, she'll kick this soon and be back to her usual ways but I would undergo legitimate torture if it meant seeing her back to herself already. 
Click to expand...
best diaper cream we have found for a bad rash

https://www.target.com/p/burt-s-bees-baby-bee-100-natural-diaper-rash-ointment-3-oz/-/A-11008383

expensive so only use it when we really need it

 
RUSF18 said:
Nothing more heartbreaking than seeing your kid sick and so so miserable. We've been fortunate that our 9.5 month old has only had a couple minor things so far but what she's dealing with this week is knocking her around bad. Teething, some kind of stomach bug, awful diaper rash as a result, bad cold, food going right through her...the whole nine. She's the happiest little baby in the world 99% of the time so it's such a huge change and it's so sad. I keep reminding myself that even though these last few days have felt like a month, she'll kick this soon and be back to her usual ways but I would undergo legitimate torture if it meant seeing her back to herself already. 
Click to expand...
also think about this with frozen fruit in it for teething

https://www.iherb.com/pr/Munchkin-Fresh-Food-Feeder-6-Months/59031

 
Left work early so I could get home and give my wife a bit of a break. 

Walked in literally just as my daughter popped herself up and stood on her own completely unassisted for the first time.  :wub:

 
A reminder to the new dad's... When you shake the baby, make sure to shake it counter clockwise. 

ETA... Might be clockwise... I've been drinking.

 
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How we doing these days Skoo?

I thought of this thread as our now 18 month old daughter has gotten into a pretty bad hair pulling phase when being around other kids in the park. She's actually pretty good with sharing on an overall basis but the times when she isn't are when the hair pulling has come. Hoping this passes relatively quickly. Other difficult things that have come and gone at times...eating, sleeping, wanting to hear one Moana song and then a different one 2 seconds after you put on the first one...have really just been frustrating for us. Having to worry about your kid making another cry and dealing with those parents adds a whole other level of stress.

 
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