Tips for a 1st Time Dad: HELP! (1 Viewer)

[Nick Vermeil]

• Before the baby comes, spend a few days cooking freezable meals.  Soups, stews, a lasagna, etc.  You'll get friends and family to feed you for a week or so and then you'll be ####ed.  It's so nice to be able to take a real meal out of the freezer and zap it. As you eat, you'll fill in the gaps with frozen breast milk, if your wife is going that route.
  
• Also, (less important now day with Netflix and the like) load up the DVR.  Even if she is breast feeding, you'll be up a lot in the middle of the night with the kid.  
  
• Don't buy all the crap, but I do encourage a few dozen baby blankets, cloth diapers, etc. You will probably get a lot for gifts but you may need to supplement.  You're about to encounter a lot of body fluid and you don't want to do laundry every day (you will anyway).  But I STILL have stacks of these things all over the house and burn through them regularly.  
  
• Don't circumcise.  
  

 

[El Floppo]

We let ours cry it out around 2 months.  It took two nights of him crying for a total of about 1.25 hours before he was trained.  The first night was 45 minutes of pure heart wrenching agony and then again for 30 minutes the second night but after that, he slept like a champ.

Also, someone else mentioned going about your day while the kid naps.  That's absolutely 100% true.  Having complete silence while they sleep is a recipe for never being able to make noise again.

I took on myself to sleep train the first one- put my wife in the Living Room for the night.

put the kid down, not long after he starts crying... I let him. I'm going to war- a war I won't lose. it's a long time crying, but I'm in this thing and I'm going to kick its ###... but then the wife storms into the room yelling (at me, of course) "wtf! you've let him cry for over an hour!!". 

it was 11 minutes. she lasted 11 minutes. and that was it.... no sleep training after that.

 

[Nick Vermeil]

oh- also...

I remember thinking that the newborn months are kinda like an earthquake... which is a lateral force that will always find the weakest point in a structure (personal or inter-relational), shaking it until failure. good structures are either completely rigid and super strong, or usually flexible enough to roll with the quake.

Good point.  Enjoy your wife right now.  You'll never see her again after the baby comes.  She'll be replaced with a replicant who is hopefully mostly like your current wife. Remember, no matter how much you are suffering, she's suffering more and couldn't give a #### less about your suffering.   

*ETA the suffering is worth it in the end.  

 

[mr. furley]

@ alfonso soriano

 

[El Floppo]

another thing!

we bought a dozen cloth diapers to use as nappies/burp-cloths.

those things turned into the kids' (both of them) lovies/blankets. this was great because it meant when we lost one, we had plenty more or could just buy more- it wasn't some special blanket from grandma mergatroid that couldn't be replaced, sending the kid into a spiral of doom.

 

[jb1020]

Thanks for all the advice man.

And I'm definitely super-excited for the whole thing, not really a worrier by nature though I'm sure that's about to change some

You'll worry, but its all fun.  It always gets better...

I was taking my 4 yo daughter to preschool this morning and on the way "the Lizards" came on...she knew about half the words!  Then announced that its her favorite song. 

#prouddadmoment

 

[Kanil]

I took on myself to sleep train the first one- put my wife in the Living Room for the night.

put the kid down, not long after he starts crying... I let him. I'm going to war- a war I won't lose. it's a long time crying, but I'm in this thing and I'm going to kick its ###... but then the wife storms into the room yelling (at me, of course) "wtf! you've let him cry for over an hour!!". 

it was 11 minutes. she lasted 11 minutes. and that was it.... no sleep training after that.

There's 0% chance of success without both parents on board.  We have friends who had your exact scenario.  Their 2 year old (3 in January) still wakes up once a night.  I'd be miserable.

 

[Skoo]

You'll worry, but its all fun.  It always gets better...

I was taking my 4 yo daughter to preschool this morning and on the way "the Lizards" came on...she knew about half the words!  Then announced that its her favorite song. 

#prouddadmoment

That's awesome!!

My wife already bought a few onesies - One is "sleeping monkey" and my favorite so far, "noob".

 

[belljr]

The only thing I disagree with GM about is not getting the Diaper Genie I enjoyed having the Diaper Genie  but that's just me everything else I agree with completely

 

[El Floppo]

there really is nothing like a newborn... just amazing. 

I've found myself becoming nostalgic around friends with babies- and ours are still pretty young (just huge).

oh- IIRC, there's also a drug released in the brain that makes you forget about how miserable it is to have a newborn. maybe.

 

[El Floppo]

The only thing I disagree with GM about is not getting the Diaper Genie I enjoyed having the Diaper Genie  but that's just me everything else I agree with completely

wait- gm's saying not to buy one? 

wtf does he know about raising kids anyways.

 

[Nick Vermeil]

The only thing I disagree with GM about is not getting the Diaper Genie I enjoyed having the Diaper Genie  but that's just me everything else I agree with completely

No don't get one.  The diapers hang out too long when you have one of those.  It's like a septic tank next to the crib.  Toss it in the regular trash and get it out of your house.  

 

[ChiefD]

When you are in the delivery room, DO NOT hold your wife's hand with your left hand. Especially if you are wearing a wedding ring. She will literally crush your fingers into a million pieces as they are squeezed next to your wedding ring.

Holy #### that hurt. 

 

[That one guy]

Keep him on a schedule, every 3 hours wake him up to feed and change him......if he needs it or not.

He will learn it's time to eat, instead of just screaming when he's hungry

To piggy back on this, around month 2/3 start working on a sleep schedule.  It takes a few weeks (or more, I suppose, depending on child), but getting them on a schedule that resembles normal sleep patterns will pay dividends later on.  

If if you don't want them sleeping in your bed when they're 3, don't let them do it now either.  I fought the wife hard, but no children in the bed; they have their very nice and expensive crib in their very own room

Making your own food when they start to move to solids is easy and much better than relying on jarred foods.  Get a baby bullet or similar and take advantage of your freezer.

Stay off google when you have questions...consider your typical webMD result and amplify it by 10, that'll be the answer you find to any question on google.  Rely on friends/family with experience for questions and save yourself the stress of staying up all night because your child "has early signs of bubonic plague, obviously"

There is no "right" way to parent, what works for one child won't work for others. You'll do it, but try to avoid doubting yourself.  Act out of love and you'll do just fine.

Enjoy them!  The old adage of "they grow up so fast" is beyond true.  Mine turns 2 in a week and those first few months of swaddling into a baby burrito seem like ages ago.

 

[El Floppo]

To piggy back on this, around month 2/3 start working on a sleep schedule.  It takes a few weeks (or more, I suppose, depending on child), but getting them on a schedule that resembles normal sleep patterns will pay dividends later on.  

If if you don't want them sleeping in your bed when they're 3, don't let them do it now either.  I fought the wife hard, but no children in the bed; they have their very nice and expensive crib in their very own room

Making your own food when they start to move to solids is easy and much better than relying on jarred foods.  Get a baby bullet or similar and take advantage of your freezer.

Stay off google when you have questions...consider your typical webMD result and amplify it by 10, that'll be the answer you find to any question on google.  Rely on friends/family with experience for questions and save yourself the stress of staying up all night because your child "has early signs of bubonic plague, obviously"

There is no "right" way to parent, what works for one child won't work for others. You'll do it, but try to avoid doubting yourself.  Act out of love and you'll do just fine.

Enjoy them!  The old adage of "they grow up so fast" is beyond true.  Mine turns 2 in a week and those first few months of swaddling into a baby burrito seem like ages ago.

all the likes. that's great stuff all the way through.

 

[CletiusMaximus]

What products are absolutely essential/help make life easier?

Whiskey.

What products are completely useless that I shouldn't waste my money on?

All non-whiskey products.

 

[Brony]

Lots of advice in here about sleep training. LISTEN TO IT!

- dad with 10 year old that still doesn't go to bed easy.

 

[need2know]

Enjoy your sleep now.   you will never sleep as good again

 

[ChiefD]

That first month or two, if you are into sports, sit down on the couch with your baby in your arms and just watch them sleep. I used to do this with my kids since they were all born in football season. I would watch a 3 hour game and it would be just me and them. 

My best memories of them as newborns.

 

[El Floppo]

Lots of advice in here about sleep training. LISTEN TO IT!

- dad with 10 year old that still doesn't go to bed easy.

ok... I'll say again- we didn't sleep train. I honestly think the training is more for the parents than the kids (and I wouldn't say one is better than the other for the kid- doubt your pediatrician or anybody else will know whether your kid was sleep trained or not).

that said- we did have schedules and routines that we stuck to- 8ish PM- bath, reading, bed.

now- at around 8:30, both of my kids (9 and 5yo) put themselves to sleep in minutes. so in our case, at least, lack of sleep training didn't mean that they have screwed up sleep habits.

 

[gianmarco]

Lots of good things here.  I'll repeat some of the ones for me and add a couple items:

1)  The swing is $$$.  You don't have to spend a ton on it but you need to get one.  One of the "essentials".

2)  Changing table -- Did without for my son and had it for my next two.  Could live without it but it is nice to have.  If you're going to get one and you're tall, make sure it's an appropriate height or it will be a waste of money.  That's the biggest benefit.

3)  If you go to formula at some point, no need to spend double the amount on name brand formulas (Similar or Enfamil).  For example, Sam's brand is half the cost and the stuff isn't cheap.

4)  Naps are super important (for everyone!).  If not sleeping well at night, don't cut down on naps thinking it will help.  It will make things worse.  Overtired babies are harder to get to sleep.

5)  Like GM said, get the Baby Bjorn.  Another item that is $$, especially starting at 1-2 months of age.  Don't wait to start it either. 

6)  Also agree about the diaper genie--no need.  Wrap in a plastic bag if the smell bothers you and just get used to throwing out the garbage on a regular basis.  Same goes for bottle warmers and wipe warmers.  In fact, all of my kids were used to drinking bottles of milk straight from the refrigerator.  There's no reason it needs to be warmed to room temperature or more.  At night, being able to grab from the fridge and feed immediately is $$$.  You'll learn to get efficient at things and this is one of the ones that you can do.

Last thing, and this is a luxury, but if you can spend the $, I'm telling you it's worth it.  It's not a cheap car seat or stroller set but it's so worth it.  Check out the Orbit car seat/strollers.

For me, if there's something that I'm going to use a lot or do a lot, then I find it a valuable investment.  In particular, if you're going to have any more kids, then it's definitely worth it.  The beauty of this system is the fact that it completely turns.  This means when you're buckling and unbuckling in the car, you're not killing yourself contorting your body trying to get to the car seat.  Because it's something we use ALL THE TIME, the money was well worth it. 

If you have two cars, you get two bases, one seat, and one stroller (later a toddler seat that works with the same system).  The whole setup cost about $1000 but after using it on a second kid now, it's some of the best money I've ever spent.  Because it's something you will use for 4+ years, it will get more use than just about anything else you buy.

 

[El Floppo]

I'll say- my kids were formula kids after the first couple months... had to try out different kinds for each to find the one that worked for that particular kid.

I'll add one more- unless you have unlimited resources, don't be over proud about accepting hand-me down stuff. toys, clothes, etc all gets barely used by infants/babies- and then just sits there or gets tossed. this market is a total racket- they know they have you by the short and curlies and gouge. find friends with older kids who are eager to unload their stuff and make use of it.

 

[Rustoleum]

I'll say- my kids were formula kids after the first couple months... had to try out different kinds for each to find the one that worked for that particular kid.

Same here. Breastfeeding just wasn't working well but wife stuck it out for the first month or two for both.

Oldest spit up a lot (really, its barf, but it s easier to deal with it if you call it "spit-up"), until we found a brand, Enfamil Pro-sobee I think, that worked.

Bookmark these two financial windfalls : April 3, 2018- baby can drink milk (if still isn't breastfeeding, if so, you can move back to first in line for your wife's boobs so this is still a day to celebrate)

April 3, 2019 - Potentially done buying diapers.

 

[El Floppo]

Same here. Breastfeeding just wasn't working well but wife stuck it out for the first month or two for both.

Oldest spit up a lot (really, its barf, but it s easier to deal with it if you call it "spit-up"), until we found a brand, Enfamil Pro-sobee I think, that worked.

Bookmark these two financial windfalls : April 3, 2018- baby can drink milk (if still isn't breastfeeding, if so, you can move back to first in line for your wife's boobs so this is still a day to celebrate)

April 3, 2019 - Potentially done buying diapers.

oh- regarding formula... our pediatrician had samples on hand all the time. with our first, we'd take one, shyly... until they saw us one day- and just told us to take them all; they always had more in the back. every time we went to the dr, we'd load up the stroller and head out.

eta: and yeah- in our case, my wife just didn't produce enough milk so we'd make the switch once the newborns started to fill out a bit. made it easier for dad to give the bottle as well... wait a sec... that sly damn woman.

 

[ex-ghost]

Some great advice in here! Thanks fellas!

I have been told that I'll be peed on, more than once lol.

The two things that freak me out at the moment are changing diapers and learning to survive on 3 hours of sleep or less.

Seriously, I have no idea how people cope with the latter.

Keep your mouth closed when changing him. Only needs to happen once. 

 

[ChiefD]

As far as breastfeeding goes, sometimes it just doesnt work. No matter how adament your wife tries, sometimes it just does not work. My wife was able to feed the first two fine, but by the time the third one came, she just couldn't produce enough. It's a pretty emotional thing for a woman, especially if she is dead set on being able to provide for her child.

Just be careful if this happens. At the end of the day, the baby needs to eat one way or the other. So if you have to be the heavy here, tread lightly, but reassure your wife that the baby needs to eat.

 

[belljr]

oh- regarding formula... our pediatrician had samples on hand all the time. with our first, we'd take one, shyly... until they saw us one day- and just told us to take them all; they always had more in the back. every time we went to the dr, we'd load up the stroller and head out.

eta: and yeah- in our case, my wife just didn't produce enough milk so we'd make the switch once the newborns started to fill out a bit. made it easier for dad to give the bottle as well... wait a sec... that sly damn woman.

we were early formula and my daughter had trouble.  my doctor gave us a whole case when we found one that worked

 

[skol asylum]

Pack & Play is very useful to keep them contained.

 

[MikeIke]

There is no such thing as too many washcloths. 

 

[Cliff Clavin]

Diaper Genie is fine for when they're young and the #### doesn't smell too bad. Once they hit solid food, the diaper genie goes.

 

[MikeIke]

When very young,  the outfits that are like Snuggies instead of pants or overalls are great.  No legs to undo,  just lift it up and change the diaper.  

 

[ChiefD]

Speaking of solid food, don't be too quick to get them on cereal before they are really ready. I lot of people do this to help them sleep longer at night, but do not fall into this trap.

 

[James Daulton]

Just Had to have sex didn't you?

 

[sublimeone]

Cosleep

 

[msommer]

Buy the biggest pack of bottled water you can find - as heavy as possible. Practice walking with it on your left arm in circles in your living room in the dark.

Don't stop when the back muscles start burning either. Just keep going for a couple of hours every night 

Thank me later

 

[gianmarco]

Buy the biggest pack of bottled water you can find - as heavy as possible. Practice walking with it on your left arm in circles in your living room in the dark.

Don't stop when the back muscles start burning either. Just keep going for a couple of hours every night 

Thank me later

Along the same lines, every day, just pull some money out of your wallet and make a pile. Then light it on fire.  Don't stop when your wallet is almost empty.

Thank me later.

 

[Ignoramus]

If you have a flex spending account account work, max it out.  You'll spend the whole $2500 on doctor visits that first year, easily.

 

[skol asylum]

If you have a flex spending account account work, max it out.  You'll spend the whole $2500 on doctor visits that first year, easily.

And don't forget $5k in your dependent care flex account.

 

[thecatch]

If you have a flex spending account account work, max it out.  You'll spend the whole $2500 on doctor visits that first year, easily.

I would advise against this, as a general matter, unless you know you have some really expensive insurance co-pays. It took a multiple night hospital stay for my first kid to get to anywhere near that number. 

 

[Mr. Pickles]

Relax the baby proofing, plenty of time before the kid actually starts moving around. Practice your swaddling and burping technique

Especially this.  I eventually became the burp whisperer, but my god a gas bubble can ruin your day pretty fast.  

 

[Mr. Pickles]

And don't forget $5k in your dependent care flex account.

Love this one.  Wish it was more.

 

[Skoo]

Week 35 today!!

Getting super excited. Nursery is painted and empty, awaiting furniture delivery.

Just started reading an expectant dad book that only serves to worry me, or at the very least that my wife and I aren't nearly as worried as some people. My wife is a nurse in a hospital which I think helps.

Did you guys take birthing classes, etc? Were they helpful?

We're not taking any classes.

 

[Kraft...]

Our first daughter was premature, she arrived before our scheduled birthing classes. Delivery room nurses told us not to sweat it, pretty much all breathing and listening to your body(per my wife). 

 

[RUSF18]

Week 35 today!!

Getting super excited. Nursery is painted and empty, awaiting furniture delivery.

Just started reading an expectant dad book that only serves to worry me, or at the very least that my wife and I aren't nearly as worried as some people. My wife is a nurse in a hospital which I think helps.

Did you guys take birthing classes, etc? Were they helpful?

We're not taking any classes.

Glad to hear things are going well over there. I posted in this thread the day you started it and it feels like only yesterday. 

Our baby girl is one month old today after arriving about two weeks early. She actually ended up being born on my wife's birthday. It's been a blur but has been awesome. I have ridiculous paternity leave at work and I just got back to the office today (and I only took half of what I could). Really do miss being home.

We took a birthing class that was pretty low key, just to feel like we had all the info we needed. Most of what we learned was about being very sure when exactly to head to the hospital based on contractions. Not wanting to go too early only to be sent home. That went out the window of course when my wife's water broke. 

I also took an infant CPR class which I'd definitely recommend. 

I read one of the popular expectant dad books and found that most of the "what you are feeling" stuff didn't really apply to me. It was still good to read as a way of calming my wife when certain things would happen and I had a quick way of showing her how normal her pregnancy was going.

Continued good luck to you guys!

 

[Wrigley]

It's all a blur, seems like my twins were born yesterday.....they are six now 

 

[El Floppo]

Glad to hear things are going well over there. I posted in this thread the day you started it and it feels like only yesterday. 

Our baby girl is one month old today after arriving about two weeks early. She actually ended up being born on my wife's birthday. It's been a blur but has been awesome. I have ridiculous paternity leave at work and I just got back to the office today (and I only took half of what I could). Really do miss being home.

We took a birthing class that was pretty low key, just to feel like we had all the info we needed. Most of what we learned was about being very sure when exactly to head to the hospital based on contractions. Not wanting to go too early only to be sent home. That went out the window of course when my wife's water broke. 

I also took an infant CPR class which I'd definitely recommend. 

congrats!

 

[RUSF18]

Thanks GB.

 

[Ignoratio Elenchi]

It's all a blur, seems like my twins were born yesterday.....they are six now 

  Just had my older son's 6th birthday party this weekend.  Can't believe how fast it goes by.  

The best advice I got as a first time parent was that there are going to be times you're stressed out and worried that you're doing everything wrong.  That's totally normal.  No one tells you that, they say being a parent is so magical and amazing.  It is, but it's also really hard at times so don't beat yourself up if you're wondering why it doesn't seem all that magical and amazing sometimes.   You're going to do a bunch of stuff you swear right now you'll never do, like let them eat microwaved processed chicken nuggets for breakfast.  That's ok too. 

Other than that, we baby-proofed the house way too early.  I was sweating getting covers on all the electrical outlets and stuff before the baby came home from the hospital, and in reality it'll be a year+ before you even have to worry about anything like that.  

Amazon subscribe-and-save for diapers and wipes.  Diaper genie by the changing table.  "Cry it out" for sleep training, it might suck for a day or two but then it's over. 

And take lots of pictures and video (but don't spend too much time behind the camera).  It really does go by fast, so just try to enjoy every moment.  

 

[El Floppo]

Week 35 today!!

Getting super excited. Nursery is painted and empty, awaiting furniture delivery.

Just started reading an expectant dad book that only serves to worry me, or at the very least that my wife and I aren't nearly as worried as some people. My wife is a nurse in a hospital which I think helps.

Did you guys take birthing classes, etc? Were they helpful?

We're not taking any classes.

we took an infant cpr class, but otherwise no classes.

did you get that Karp book "happiest baby on the block" I mentioned upthread? highly recommend.

oh- we also had a baby wedge box thing (kind of like this, but with a firm bottom and sides)- you could put them down on it, had pads on the sides and was slightly pitched/wedged so their head was up and they wouldn't roll off of it. great for putting next to you on the sofa, bed, wherever. we inadvertently realized that we could put the kid down in it, and if/when they fell asleep then transport the whole thing to their crib with them still in it. made them get used to sleeping in their crib really early. 

 

[General Malaise]

Week 35 today!!

Getting super excited. Nursery is painted and empty, awaiting furniture delivery.

Just started reading an expectant dad book that only serves to worry me, or at the very least that my wife and I aren't nearly as worried as some people. My wife is a nurse in a hospital which I think helps.

Did you guys take birthing classes, etc? Were they helpful?

We're not taking any classes.

Relax, Skoo.  We've been giving birth for millions of years here and managed to keep some of the babies alive sans birthing classes.  We did them with my first and the two big take-aways for me were learning how to swaddle (use the baseball diamond technique - youtube it) and learning about the progressions of poop the newborn goes through.  Those first few diaper changes can be alarming if you aren't prepared.  

Other than that, man....it's instinct and common sense.  I have five kids.  I'm dumber than a box of screws.  Part of the fun is the discovery along the way of what you can do to soothe your child, what makes him/her comfortable, how best to settle in and relax with your child because there are going to be several instances where you can really help your wife out by just letting her sleep while you catch up on TV shows and the baby is on your chest.  You won't really find that in a book; you'll find it in your soul and its unique to you and your child.  For a while, I was the only one who could settle my 2nd son when he was a baby.  I stood and rocked him to the sound of a Bob Dylan song in my head, dancing to the cadence of "It Takes a Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Cry".  For whatever reason, that worked.  

Put the book away, skip the classes and I mean this with everything I've got - get some sleep now.  If you golf, golf now.  If you have friends, see them now.  That restaurant you've been meaning to try?  Try it now.