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Wife wants to buy house with her Father. Shoot me. (1 Viewer)

Henry Ford said:
Arrrrr... Call your privates what, matey?
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You know, I have never had a name for my privates.  I know a lot of guys do - never liked it.  

Had a girl once that wanted to call it "Charlie."  She thought it was cute to be able to ask me how Charlie was doing in front of mixed company and adults (we were 18/19).  My grandfather was named Charlie ...never felt right.  

I dumped her.  

 
Binky The Doormat said:
You know, I have never had a name for my privates.  I know a lot of guys do - never liked it.  

Had a girl once that wanted to call it "Charlie."  She thought it was cute to be able to ask me how Charlie was doing in front of mixed company and adults (we were 18/19).  My grandfather was named Charlie ...never felt right.  

I dumped her.  
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Excellent choice.  Never settle for a woman who won't call it your #### in public.

 
Getzlaf15 said:
I would consult a RE attorney about this and what exactly happens to the home when he dies.
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And if your wife feels uncomfortable about that, gently mention that you're pretty ####ing sure they've talked to someone about what happens if your wife dies.

 
Henry Ford said:
And if your wife feels uncomfortable about that, gently mention that you're pretty ####ing sure they've talked to someone about what happens if your wife dies.
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I would like to know if OP gets half of the house if that happens.

I'm in the middle of putting my RE into a trust for my kids. It's been very fascinating to hear what the RE attorney has said and how it's really wise to write it up so that none of my kids spouses (or future spouses, or ex's) ever get any control when we pass.

 
Mrs. Rannous said:
Lol, whatever. Different state same issue. 

Not even slightly.  South Carolina recognises common law marriage.  According to Wikipedia:

If he dies and the woman he is living with asserts that they are married, that opens a can of worms that may never go away.  Even if she doesn't, and your wife owns the house, the woman may have the right to live there for the remainder of her life.  (It's called  a "life estate".)

Don't even think about allowing this.  For Pete's sake call your FIL and tell him exactly why.
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This is 100% true.

I speak from experience.

 
Getzlaf15 said:
I would like to know if OP gets half of the house if that happens.

I'm in the middle of putting my RE into a trust for my kids. It's been very fascinating to hear what the RE attorney has said and how it's really wise to write it up so that none of my kids spouses (or future spouses, or ex's) ever get any control when we pass.




 
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That would interesting to hear how that is worded.

 
Love you Moobin, good luck with all this. If this happens definitely have a will or trust part of the contract for the father in law and you and your wife with stipulations involving his other family. 

 
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Just an epically awful idea. 

There's no way this should be a consideration and this is the kind of thing that can end a marriage.

As others said, if you are looking at selling your house next year, then for that reason alone this plan needs to be put on hold. If FIL knows your plans and thinks his situation is more important while knowing it could greatly impact your chance of buying, then I'd have no issue going off on him.

Best of luck.

 
Mrs. Rannous said:
Lol, whatever. Different state same issue. 

Not even slightly.  South Carolina recognises common law marriage.  According to Wikipedia:

If he dies and the woman he is living with asserts that they are married, that opens a can of worms that may never go away.  Even if she doesn't, and your wife owns the house, the woman may have the right to live there for the remainder of her life.  (It's called  a "life estate".)

Don't even think about allowing this.  For Pete's sake call your FIL and tell him exactly why.
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^^^  this 10000000%....

My main thought while reading this thread was "what is the long term relationship between your wife and her father been like?" "What but the relationship between her and the father's fiancé?"

Overall..what are your feeling towards the fiancé? Is she a gold digging #####? 

With a split marriage and new step-kids in the picture, has your wife always been trying to look for more of of her father that isn't there now?  

I think this goes a long way as to why your wife may be more interested in pleasing her father more then you.

that said...no f'ing way I let this happen. I wouldn't let me wife co-sign for a store credit card for anyone, let alone a house

 
wilked said:
He doesn't have the significant downpayment.  If he did, he wouldn't need help buying a house.

Term life at 65 or whatever he is is crazy expensive.  If he could afford term + mortgage, he wouldn't need help

#1 will make him even less committed to the whole project, and more likely to end poorly

#4 is good advice
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You tell her/them that you will only do the deal, if these conditions, which are reasonable, are met.  They say "No", in effect withdrawing their request, then u get your desired outcome and save face.

 
Sorry man. 

Unless you're willing to give in, I don't see any options. Maybe the threat makes her change her mind or maybe that's what she's passive-aggressively hoping to happen. 

 
 I spoke to her father today. I kept my personal feelings towards him asking love his daughters for financial help at his age but did learn that she will be on the deed and he allegedly has some precautions in case he does or she dies he goes to the other.   He was unaware that I wasn't aware about this purchase.   He did let me know that he would not lose anything if they needed to get out of the contract.  

I explained to him that we were going to get a home-equity loan so we could fix the roof and do a few things around the house and that this would negatively impact to our interest rate.  He was gracious enough to let me though that I could still put my wife's name on the home-equity loan after this contract goes through.   If I could've jumped through the phone to choke his mother####ing ### out right then and there I would have done it. The ####### audacity of people. I said nothing and told him that he would have an answer from his daughter tomorrow after her and I spoke.

 I'm going to have a conversation with my wife tonight and we will make a decision one way or another but I don't see this ending well. 

 The more I think about this the more outraged I get. My wife is essentially stealing from me.  She went behind my back to do all this I mean what kind of ####### world is this?

 
I'm doing voice to text while driving and I'm flipping irate so pardon the grammar and misspellings because I'm not checking the #### right now

 
My EX wife came from a family of spenders.  Her parents had a house for 20 years or so and in their early 60's wanted to sell it because keeping up the yard was getting to be too much.  Because of the housing market, second mortgages and years of horrible money management, they had virtually no equity to show for it.  They sold it and downsized to a condo.  

In the first 6 months, they flew through the equity by painting the entire condo (didn't need it), re-carpeting the entire condo (didn't need it), remodeling the master bath (didn't need it) and remodeling the kitchen (didn't need it).  For the kitchen, they needed to get a home equity loan since the equity was long gone.  They sold the condo for a loss 3 years later because they didn't like living in a condo and he missed tinkering around in the yard.

They probably have 25 years left on a mortgage for a 30 year home now since leaving the condo.  He's 71 and she's 67 and they still both work full time because they can't make ends meet financially.  

Moral of the Story:  You can't change stupid.  Your inlaws and your wife are just stupid financial people and until you forcibly change her behaviors, they're going to always be in the same hole.

 
Wow.  I was going to post an a suggestion of where you should go through this thread and document all of the bad things that can happen in writing.  Including that you thought of possible solutions (and detail them, like the life insurance, renting out, etc), but the risks are too high or unreasonible.  Then email it to your wife (giving her a heads up of course).  Removing yourself physically from the "conversation" and having her solely focusing on black and white words could shed the light more.

Then I saw they ratified the contract.  

Maybe the email will still work if she has any wiggle room to get out. :shrug:

Good luck

 
I'm so sorry to hear this. I would proceed with the divorce. This ##### is risking your family's finances, way of life, retirement...

 
 Another serious question :  I know the The name of the divorce attorney that her sister used and who would likely be used against me. Can I go to him for a free consult and keep it confidential yet protect myself from her using him down the road?

 
STEADYMOBBIN 22 said:
My wife's sister who is very well off won't do it,  
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This is really what it boils down to for me.  I'd have a talk with the three of you: you, your wife, and her sister, and come up with a plan.  On the one hand, your wife doesn't want to leave him out in the cold. That's why she is considering this.  Use sister-in-law to help her see the light (i.e., no, he's not going to be out in the cold; yes, it's really ok to say no to him).  It will be easier for your wife to hear it from her sister than you.

Edit:  Well, I guess that advice is out of date.  On the plus side, you now have a relatively guilt-free reason to divorce her without feeling like a jerk. 

 
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STEADYMOBBIN 22 said:
 I spoke to her father today. I kept my personal feelings towards him asking love his daughters for financial help at his age but did learn that she will be on the deed and he allegedly has some precautions in case he does or she dies he goes to the other.   He was unaware that I wasn't aware about this purchase.   He did let me know that he would not lose anything if they needed to get out of the contract.  

I explained to him that we were going to get a home-equity loan so we could fix the roof and do a few things around the house and that this would negatively impact to our interest rate.  He was gracious enough to let me though that I could still put my wife's name on the home-equity loan after this contract goes through.   If I could've jumped through the phone to choke his mother####ing ### out right then and there I would have done it. The ####### audacity of people. I said nothing and told him that he would have an answer from his daughter tomorrow after her and I spoke.

 I'm going to have a conversation with my wife tonight and we will make a decision one way or another but I don't see this ending well. 

 The more I think about this the more outraged I get. My wife is essentially stealing from me.  She went behind my back to do all this I mean what kind of ####### world is this?
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Unpack why you think she's stealing from you, please.

Personally, I think it's horrific that she went around your back and did this when she knew that you had major reservations about the transaction.  At a minimum, she'd be on notice and depending on the overall strength of the marriage, it might be grounds for divorce.

 
STEADYMOBBIN 22 said:
 Another serious question :  I know the The name of the divorce attorney that her sister used and who would likely be used against me. Can I go to him for a free consult and keep it confidential yet protect myself from her using him down the road?
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Lawyer thread might be the best place to ask that. But as usual it depends on state I guess

 
Soootch said:
:goodposting:

Also as far as giving a 65yo a 30 year mortgage -- I'm curious about this myself. Do the banks factor in age when approving loans? Is that even legal? 
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Yes, it is more common than you think. My wife regularly does refis for people 60 and older. Age is not factored into loans to my knowledge.

 
STEADYMOBBIN 22 said:
 I spoke to her father today. I kept my personal feelings towards him asking love his daughters for financial help at his age but did learn that she will be on the deed and he allegedly has some precautions in case he does or she dies he goes to the other.   He was unaware that I wasn't aware about this purchase.   He did let me know that he would not lose anything if they needed to get out of the contract.  

I explained to him that we were going to get a home-equity loan so we could fix the roof and do a few things around the house and that this would negatively impact to our interest rate.  He was gracious enough to let me though that I could still put my wife's name on the home-equity loan after this contract goes through.   If I could've jumped through the phone to choke his mother####ing ### out right then and there I would have done it. The ####### audacity of people. I said nothing and told him that he would have an answer from his daughter tomorrow after her and I spoke.

 I'm going to have a conversation with my wife tonight and we will make a decision one way or another but I don't see this ending well. 

 The more I think about this the more outraged I get. My wife is essentially stealing from me.  She went behind my back to do all this I mean what kind of ####### world is this?
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However you respond to it all, realize that she thinks she is doing the right thing.  You're not going to convince her otherwise without letting her speak, so your best approach will be to ask a bunch of questions and summarize her answers so she knows you are listening.

Don't threaten, don't mention divorce, etc.  Just spend 15 mins and see if you can understand where she is coming from, and why she felt it ok to proceed on her own in such an important financial matter.  After all that, then discuss how it all makes you feel, and why it makes you feel that way.  Then leave it alone for a day or so for processing.

 
Real sorry you're going through this mess.  I was going to suggest you loan or just give him enough for a down payment, that way you have limited your potential loss.

Seems very selfish of your father in law.  

 
32 Counter Pass said:
Yes, it is more common than you think. My wife regularly does refis for people 60 and older. Age is not factored into loans to my knowledge.
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Some people finance a 30 year mortgage with the intention of paying it off much earlier but have the fallback of a cheaper monthly payment if they need it.  

 
STEADYMOBBIN 22 said:
Update:

 They have a ratified contract. 

 Dead serious question, is this legal grounds for divorce? 
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Meh.  It'll still have contingencies, I'd imagine, including a backout period until inspections are over.  

Talk to your wife.  This is a big deal, but I doubt she did this to intentionally drive you insane.  She may simply not understand what she's doing, here.  Sounds like it runs in the family.

 
STEADYMOBBIN 22 said:
Update:

 They have a ratified contract. 

 Dead serious question, is this legal grounds for divorce? 
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who has a ratified contract?   If your wife signed a contract without you, i'm no lawyer but i think you might be able to walk away right now and just leave the wife dangling.

 
tommyboy said:
who has a ratified contract?   If your wife signed a contract without you, i'm no lawyer but i think you might be able to walk away right now and just leave the wife dangling.
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Isn't this a case of "one to buy and two to sell?" She can buy without Steadymobbin 22 on the note. 

 
chet said:
Unpack why you think she's stealing from you, please.

Personally, I think it's horrific that she went around your back and did this when she knew that you had major reservations about the transaction.  At a minimum, she'd be on notice and depending on the overall strength of the marriage, it might be grounds for divorce.
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She's stealing from me because we are financially tied together. She's using our credit. 

We have always shared our finances since we began dating. We (used) to always work as a team. 

I'm pretty ####### distraught right now. 

 
STEADYMOBBIN 22 said:
 He did let me know that he would not lose anything if they needed to get out of the contract.  

He was gracious enough to let me though that I could still put my wife's name on the home-equity loan after this contract goes through.   If I could've jumped through the phone to choke his mother####ing ### out right then and there I would have done it. The ####### audacity of people. I said nothing and told him that he would have an answer from his daughter tomorrow after her and I spoke.
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Wow. That's nice of him. :rolleyes:  

Why did you say nothing? Why do you have to wait until tomorrow to give him YOUR answer? Tell him all the reasons why this is a terrible idea, why you're pissed off and raise your voice/swear at the appropriate times. He needs to know you're irate but your actions show calm and contemplative. The time for outrage is NOW. Preferably in person. 

 
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johnnyrock62000 said:
Wow. That's nice of him. :rolleyes:  

Why did you say nothing? Why do you have to wait until tomorrow to give him YOUR answer? Tell him all the reasons why this is a terrible idea, why you're pissed off and raise your voice/swear at the appropriate times. He needs to know you're irate but your actions show calm and contemplative. The time for outrage is NOW. Preferably in person. 
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I let him know that I told her it was a horrific idea and why. He was pretty shocked that I wasn't aware of it all. He offered to no go through with it. 

I like her father and he is a good man despite this transgression. If I divorce her she can deal with this on her own. 

We'll find out tonight. 

 
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