What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.

Worst Riddle Ever (2 Viewers)

TakiToki said:
If Antonio Cromartie's son is my son's father, what is my relationship to Antonio?

  1. I am his grandfather
  2. I am his father
  3. I am his son
  4. I am his grandson
  5. I am he and he is I
Click to expand...
Your mom was his baby mama.  Other than child support, he has no idea who you are.

 
A MAN AND A WOMAN HAD BEEN PLAYING golf every day for fifty years. One day, as they stood on the tee box, she said, “Honey, we’ve been married for fifty years today, so why don’t we start off the next fifty with a clean slate and confess all our past wrongs?

“He said, “Okay, if you’re sure that’s what you really want. Do you remember seventeen years ago I had that blonde secretary? Well, I had an affair with her.”

She said, “Oh, that’s nothing, honey. Before we met, I had a sex change.”

He said, “Why, you lying whore. All this time you’ve been hitting from the red tees.”

 
TakiToki said:
Correct.

To impregnate a woman, you need to inject exactly 4 fluid ounces of semen. You have two test tubes holding 5 and 3 fluid ounces, respectively. How do you measure exactly 4 fluid ounces?
Click to expand...
fill the 3 oz tube, pour into 5 oz tube

Fill 3 oz tube again, fill the 5oz tube - leaving exactly 1 oz in 3 oz tube

Empty the 5 oz tube, pour the one oz into the tube

Fill 3oz tube - pour into 5oz tube (with the existing 1 oz)

 
Sinn Fein said:
fill the 3 oz tube, pour into 5 oz tube

Fill 3 oz tube again, fill the 5oz tube - leaving exactly 1 oz in 3 oz tube

Empty the 5 oz tube, pour the one oz into the tube

Fill 3oz tube - pour into 5oz tube (with the existing 1 oz)
Click to expand...
Sounds like a recipe for carpal tunnel. 

 
Phil Elliott said:
A MAN AND A WOMAN HAD BEEN PLAYING golf every day for fifty years. One day, as they stood on the tee box, she said, “Honey, we’ve been married for fifty years today, so why don’t we start off the next fifty with a clean slate and confess all our past wrongs?

“He said, “Okay, if you’re sure that’s what you really want. Do you remember seventeen years ago I had that blonde secretary? Well, I had an affair with her.”

She said, “Oh, that’s nothing, honey. Before we met, I had a sex change.”

He said, “Why, you lying whore. All this time you’ve been hitting from the red tees.”
Click to expand...
A black man and his gay friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. The black man is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His gay friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

 
TakiToki said:
If Antonio Cromartie's son is my son's father, what is my relationship to Antonio?

  1. I am his grandfather
  2. I am his father
  3. I am his son
  4. I am his grandson
  5. I am he and he is I
Click to expand...
3b. Son-in-law.  (husband of his son)

 
Sinn Fein said:
fill the 3 oz tube, pour into 5 oz tube

Fill 3 oz tube again, fill the 5oz tube - leaving exactly 1 oz in 3 oz tube

Empty the 5 oz tube, pour the one oz into the tube

Fill 3oz tube - pour into 5oz tube (with the existing 1 oz)
Click to expand...
Didn't they do this in die hard 

 
Sinn Fein said:
fill the 3 oz tube, pour into 5 oz tube

Fill 3 oz tube again, fill the 5oz tube - leaving exactly 1 oz in 3 oz tube

Empty the 5 oz tube, pour the one oz into the tube

Fill 3oz tube - pour into 5oz tube (with the existing 1 oz)
Click to expand...
Ohhhh, haha.  I pictured 2 bigger test tubes and all you knew was one already had 5 oz in it and one had 3 oz.  Just pour some from one to the other until they have the same amount in each.

:bag:

 
Walking Boot said:
As my wife was backing her car out of our narrow garage, she accidentally grazed the doorframe-- for the 20th time.

She got out, walked around the car and inspected the passenger side for damage. This time, the passenger side-mirror and frame were shattered into pieces. The dealer wanted more than 500 dollars to replace it. So, she decided to look for a replacement on Ebay.

Miraculously, she found an entire passenger side mirror that was described in detail for her exact make, model and year, and even the same color-- and it was less than a third of what the dealer wanted!

It looked easy enough to install. The frame of the garage had actually removed the old mirror, and we could see there were only a few screws holding it on.

She anxiously awaited the delivery, but when the package arrived three weeks later, I realized she was in trouble. Sure enough, we opened it up and there was no way we could make the mirror fit onto her car.

My wife thought she could return the item, but when we checked the listing on Ebay, the part description was precisely correct, right down to the color. Nothing was wrong with the part. It was the passenger-side mirror, right color, same make, same model and same year."

What went wrong?
Click to expand...
It was from the UK or some other country where they drive on the other side of the road, hence why you knew when you saw the package. 

 
TakiToki said:
A black man and his gay friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. The black man is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His gay friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
Click to expand...
A FARMER STOOD IN AN ORCHARD holding a pig by its hind legs. He held the pig up, and the pig took apples out of the trees with his mouth and dropped them into a basket below. As soon as he picked one apple and dropped it into the basket, he reached for another one.

A man passed by and stopped to watch. He said, “I’ll bet it took a long time to teach that pig to do that.”

The farmer said, “Oh, time don’t mean nothing to a pig.”

 
cap'n grunge said:
I was in a room with no doors or windows. Four walls, a floor, and ceiling. No visible openings of any sort. The only thing in the room was a mirror on one wall and a table in the middle of the room

How did I get out?
Click to expand...

I looked in the mirror to see what I saw. I took the saw and cut the table in half. Two halves make a hole. I crawled out through the hole.
 
-Released from the personal jinx?  The doctor broke it per the rules.

-"It's not your fault.  It's not your fault."

-The husband was a robot whose vocal cords were hacked and held ransom by Russians using an NSA vulnerability.  The Doctor guessed the password required by the hackers to release the vocal cords, and he was restored.

 
Walking Boot said:
No one seemed to get on this one. 

Hint if anyone is interested: Once the car was assembled at the factory, for the vast majority of cars on the road, this moving part barely moved at all, if ever, over the lifetime of the vehicle. 
Click to expand...
Hint:  All parts on a car move.  Isn't that what cars do?  "Move"?

 
From Willie:

For the sake of the riddle I'm not going to make an appearance in the thread until either someone solves it or it becomes obvious nobody can. We're not there yet. I've resisted posting hints because I think the hints will be imperfect and take away from the original post.

 
FatUncleJerryBuss said:
From Willie:

For the sake of the riddle I'm not going to make an appearance in the thread until either someone solves it or it becomes obvious nobody can. We're not there yet. I've resisted posting hints because I think the hints will be imperfect and take away from the original post.
Click to expand...
How about a simple answer to the question:  Is enough information in the riddle to give an answer?  Or would we need to bring additional information (in the form of yes/no questions?).

 
Walking Boot said:
No one seemed to get on this one. 

Hint if anyone is interested: Once the car was assembled at the factory, for the vast majority of cars on the road, this moving part barely moved at all, if ever, over the lifetime of the vehicle. 
Click to expand...
The 100K dial on the odometer.

 
If this was real, my answer would be:

Dude was obviously a smoker and got throat cancer. He had a voice box thing. Doctor wrote to him that it wasn't turned on. Turned on and sound emerges from his throat - directly.

 
MikeMan said:
If this was real, my answer would be:

Dude was obviously a smoker and got throat cancer. He had a voice box thing. Doctor wrote to him that it wasn't turned on. Turned on and sound emerges from his throat - directly.
Click to expand...
Why would he have to write it down instead of just telling him that?

 
FatUncleJerryBuss said:
From Willie:

For the sake of the riddle I'm not going to make an appearance in the thread until either someone solves it or it becomes obvious nobody can. We're not there yet. I've resisted posting hints because I think the hints will be imperfect and take away from the original post.
Click to expand...
I understand this, but why couldn't Willie post this himself?

 
msudaisy26 said:
I understand this, but why couldn't Willie post this himself?
Click to expand...
I think he got concerned when I put ignore him in the thread and he pm'ed me to let me know it wasn't a hoax.  Then he encouraged me to share the first PM with the board.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
The doctor either wrote down the answer to this riddle or something to the effect of "we all give up".  See, the guy told this riddle 5 years ago, but no one came close to guessing it or made it obvious that no one could, so he decided to go silent until one of those two things happened.

 
In my opinion, the "best riddle ever" would be one that is difficult to get correct (but possible) but seems obvious once the answer is revealed.  This one isn't going to be it.

 
Willie Neslon said:
A woman brings her husband to the doctor.
 
The woman explains, "My husband has not spoken for 5 years. For the first 22 years I knew him he never had an issue like this and then suddenly, one day, he could not speak. It's not that he doesn't want to speak, it's that he can't speak. He can't speak to his friends, his children or anyone else. I've tried everything but nothing will make him speak."
 
 
What did the doctor write on the piece of paper?
Click to expand...
He wrote down "nothing".

 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Jayrod
Medical costs advice request
2
Replies
51
Views
1K
Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson
Anarchy99
  • Poll
What's Normal: In Your Long-Term M/F Relationship, Which Gender Has a 51% or Greater Stake in Decision-Making?
2
Replies
89
Views
2K
Jayrod
Jayrod
Ministry of Pain
These Drug Commercials are OUT of CONTROL!!!
2 3
Replies
123
Views
3K
jhib
jhib

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 3 (members: 0, guests: 3)
Top